Viva Las Graduation, I Lost Something….

Well, Friday I graduated from Los Angeles Film School and went to Las Vegas to celebrate with Sarah and my girl Echo. I’d like to share Friday’s ceremony though. It started at noon, and there was about three sets of groups that graduated. I was in the second group of Digital Filmmaking students. I want to say that we were one of the first groups that graduated from the online portion of the school.

The occasion was bitter sweet, but was made better by the fact that I was able to graduate with the most important people in my life; my parents, my children, Sarah, and Echo. We were able to take a few minutes and give a speech, so I thanked the people who came with me, and some of my production crew, and the school for being there for me in the time of need.

I still have more that I wanted to say: This is our time, this is the time that the industry is changing, and it’s our responsibility to usher in the new wave of equality, and bash out the corrupt power that takes advantage of the less powerful. Whatever color, creed, sexual orientation, we are equal, and that’s the way it should be. I’ve been blessed with a great group of people that I’ve been able to work with and meet. The network is just going to get bigger, and I can’t wait to work with the new friends that I’ve made on this journey, and share the ideas with like minds.

The ceremony ended around two o’clock, I said good-bye to the parents and kids. Then I took the ladies to Las Vegas…let me tell you something…going from Hollywood to Vegas really sucks ass. It turned out to be a seven plus hour drive, we got there closer to ten, and I was tired from driving. So, that shot any adventures on Friday, but Saturday was better, and we rushed to get a last bit done on Sunday, and still didn’t get home and done until eleven that night. What should have been a three and a half hour drive was pushed up by about two more hours by delays, and slow traffic. Alas, Sarah and I made it home safe, regardless of the bullshit traffic that happened.

I had to take care of a few medical things today, some of them for work, others for my next check up on my sleeve. I weighed myself today and I lost another 3.5 pounds. That brings my total down by 90.2 pounds, which was even better to know that 339.7. The incredible part is that in about five pounds, I’ll be at the lowest that I’ve been in five years. God, it will feel good to be down one hundred pounds.

I got in about 40k steps this weekend over all and Saturday was the most with 25,357. 1,616 calories were burned, and 11.19 miles were traveled that day. So, I think my total caloric intake was well below that. It was fun, and I just kept trucking along.

My next check up is on the seventh of April. I’ll be almost four months out, and life is still getting easier everyday. I felt like I had lost a few pounds, and I’m thinking that I’ll be at my lowest in five years by that check up. I’m more excited that I’ll be doing great next weekend when we go to Wonder Con. I’m going to have to buy some more clothes soon, and they’ll be smaller. I think one hundred pounds is crazy, I’ve already lost, about the weight of my son. It almost feels unreal, when I contemplate it.

As I’m looking forward to geeking out next weekend, I’m keeping an open eye to figure out how I can become a professional at these conventions, as this is one of the many things I plan on doing. I know that separating the various aspects of my life is going to organize things better, but it also seems that I have to dedicate more time to each of those things to keep them going.

On a final note, the free lance work is great, and now being in charge of my client’s social media is giving me experience that can be applied to other jobs as well. I’ll share more about this undertaking as it develops more. It’s already put me in contact with industry professionals that I’m going to be learning from their experience, and it will help me become a more rounded person.

This is the director and that’s a wrap.

Phase Two: Evolution

Well tomorrow is the day, it’s the day that I’ve been waiting to reach for the last three years to reach, my graduation. I’m graduating with Magna Cum Laude and then my future starts. It’s the moment that I go from the Film Student Life to the life of an Alumni of the Los Angeles Film School. This journey has brought many things to me. A new focus in life, a better situation mentally, and great connections that I’ll continue to have for the rest of my life.

I remember when I started school that I was lost, my depression was at it’s strongest, and I needed a way out. Finding this school online and taking the chance on going for a dream is what I needed to find myself. This journey has helped evolve me to the person that brings content to people on a regular basis…Sure, it isn’t always the way that a filmmaker would seem too, but even this writing of the blog has helped me with the writing that I put towards all my screen plays and helps me to attach the emotion that I need to the characters that I bring to life.

I was meant to be a filmmaker, once I got to actually concentrate on being behind the camera, and calling action, I knew that this was what I was meant to do. This journey has helped me become the best version of me. I’m happier, and so much less stressed.

I’m not completely sure where the next phase of my journey is going to take me, but I’m liking the changes that it’s bringing to my life, and I know that I’ll find success at what I’m doing, but I just don’t know the exact direction that it’s going.

I think the best part of everything is that those I love the most will be there, my parents, my kids, my wife, and my best friend Echo, who’s been by my side through so much. I’m glad that they can share with me in the celebration of my success.

The next couple of weeks will be crazy, as I’ve got plenty of plans going on, but once this is done, I will be putting a meeting together so that we can plan the next steps to getting some content brought out. Again, that’s when I’m happiest.

After the graduation, I get to go to Vegas and do adult things. I think that it’ll be a good way to send of the “old” me, and say hello to the new version that has become far more goal orientated. The baggage that weighed me down for so long has gone, and now all I have is hope, and positivity. I know things will not be dark for me again. So, if you would like, here’s the link to the live stream of the ceremony for tomorrow at 1:00pm I would love to hear that people watched and routed for me as we close a chapter and flip the page to something new.

I’m still getting in my steps as I got in 13,486 for the day, and the weight loss journey is still going strong. It’s just kind of taking a back seat to my film production for the moment. I’m still learning that the different aspects of my branding move at different times. The CK Project has had to opportunity to shine for the last several months, and I’ve enjoyed sharing the journey that I’ve had so far, but it’s time for other accomplishments to take the front and center.

Once everything really gets going, I’ll be able to bring out more content on all sides of my branding “empire”, as I find that it’s already become a full-time job, but it’s also what I enjoy. It’s funny that by staying busy, I’m feeling like I’m having the time of my life. I’ll report from Vegas, I’ll guarantee that. So with that being said, this is the director, and that’s a wrap.

My Marching Orders For The Day

Today, I went in for my annual physical(by annual, I use that term loosely). The last time I had my physical, my blood pressure was 135 over something and my heart was like 68 beats per minute. I was in a bad way the last time I had the check up, about two years ago. This time was different, I was 112 over something and my heart beat was around 58. It felt kick ass. I’m doing what I can to get healthier, but it’s not for work, it’s for myself, and for my family.

The first three days of my work week, I tend to slack a bit on my 10k steps but I did get on them yesterday, 10841 steps with 4.8 miles and 775 calories. I had done over 10k steps before noon today. As a matter of fact, I’m currently sitting at 14921 steps, 6.59 miles, and 954 calories. To be honest, I don’t think that I’m going to be doing much more today, except maybe steps across the house to the bathroom, because today was a lot of steps anyway, and I’ve done good so far.

I know that the next weekend is my three month check-up with the doctor, but my two week weigh-in commitments are going to continue and I will have an update this weekend. While I won’t blog the update tomorrow, you can get it here at: My twitter is the most updated spot to follow my weight loss journey. Also my Facebook page: is a good place to go for my journey as well, and I sometimes drop words bombs of inspiration.

I’m able to accept more types of food finally, lettuce doesn’t seem to hurt when I eat it anymore. It’s hard to believe that I’ve been without most of my stomach for three months, though if you ever look at how I eat anymore, you can tell. I can tell, and I feel so much better, and yes I know that I’ve said that at least a few times, but it’s true. I feel so much better, and I continue to improve by the day or week, and this month is going to be so fucking crazy that it isn’t even something I can completely comprehend at the moment.

So, I’m preparing to go to my campus at the end of next week to get my tickets, cap, and gown. Plus I get to see my career advisor, and we are going to discuss what I’m going to do with my degree. I’m not going to lie, but working a movie in Hollywood is kind of starting to appeal to me at the moment. Sure I still want to do my own movies, but getting paid, and experience is always great as well.

Then the next day I go see the doctor, and I’m eager to get cleared to do regular workout, because my friend from a local MMA gym is going to help me get in “fighting shape”, and I can’t wait, it’ll help for when we do stunts on film, and will help me out with other aspects of my professional life.

Speaking of my professional life, I finally got my first freelance gig, and I’m excited to be working on this new experience. My client and I have been exchanging some ideas on how we are going to present our project. This has also helped me to get back to the creative flow of things and I’ve knocked out seventeen pages on the original script I was going to use as a student film. Once we did Nash Gray, I decided that I wanted to restart the whole script, because, well, I have become a better writer(largely due to the blogging). I’ve taken it in a direction that I hadn’t quite done before, and I’m beyond what I had originally had completed. I’m still working on that, as with going between the various other scripts I got going. Maybe, I’m trying to do too much at once, but I guess that I won’t know until I try.

Now that I’ve been out of school for a few months, and I’ve adjusted to my new body better, I’m finally finding my place in getting my shit together and pursuing my career as a filmmaker. Still, it’s all still kind of a new experience to me, and I pray that I don’t fuck it up. Though, I’m sure I will somewhere, and it’ll add a valuable experience to what I’m doing.

While this is the end and I’m about to wrap it up, I want to take a few moments and give thanks to all my new followers on WordPress, Instagram, Facebook, Google+, and Tumblr. I’ve truly enjoyed sharing my experiences with everyone, and hope that motivation has been found in the words that I’ve typed. Please keep it up, and don’t be afraid to comment. Dialogue is a great way to learn more about each other, and keep the discussion going.  With that said, this is the director and that’s a wrap.

February’s Almost Over!?!

What a month this has been… Now I’m preparing for a busy March, as I have graduation, a Vegas trip, and Wonder Con, all within a few week period. This is right after I have my three month check up for my weight loss journey.

This was the four days with the weekend, which started Thursday after work. I averaged over 10k steps all for days. It’s nice to see that also on average I was burning around 700 plus calories. So far for the first days of the work week, I haven’t even come close, but as I get more time during the weekend, I’ll push those numbers up a bit.

Let’s get into how my up coming weeks are looking as well. This week, I should be doing a bit of freelance work, I’m looking forward to getting the experience from that, as I really like my client because he has a personality on him.

Next week though is where everything gets interesting, as in I’m going to Los Angeles to finally walk on the campus of the school I’d been going too for the last three years. I have to pick up my cap and gown, plus get the tickets for the ceremony for the week after that. Then we’ll do lunch with my parents and kids, before heading out to Las Vegas for an adult weekend. With a return to work on Monday morning, just so we can leave on Thursday with the kids for Wonder Con, and a weekend of geeking out, plus I’m still getting my Geekultural Experience going.

This year really has started out great, and it just keeps getting better, even if we’ve had a few hiccups here and there. I think the further I go into this week, the better things are going to get. I’ve gotten heads up on something that’s exciting, but that’ll have to wait for another blog…

I also put in for my annual physical, which if truth be told, I totally avoided last year as it was. On the plus side, my results will be way better than the last one I had. I’m not going to complain. I think it’ll be done quickly, but it’s also going to fill up my already busy schedule. At least I can do it on a day off. One of the things I’ve always hated was fasting for a blood test, though it’s not going to be a problem this time. Since I did lose two-thirds of my stomach.

The other thing  I realize more everyday, is that I really need to have better time management skills. It seems like my walking and exercising has taken up most of my concentration, and I’ve got about a thousand other things that I’m trying to get done at the same time. I think I’m going to dedicate Wednesday’s the day that I spend on my writing. That would give me something to get those scripts worked on going. So much to get done, and it never seems like enough time to get it completed.

Saturday, I’ll have an update on my weight loss journey, and with that, this is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Size 54, No More, Paging Number 46

The crazy part about this morning is that I wanted to try on some jean pants, and we found some of my old shorts that were a size forty-six. Now before I continue this, let me tell you that I’ve been wearing basketball shorts for the last seven years, and had worn jeans few times up until 2014…I think. Anyway, I tried these shorts on and they were kind of loose. I don’t know if it’s because they were old, but I couldn’t fit into a size like that comfortably last year.

A win is a win, and I will take it. Sarah says that she can tell that I’m starting to feel “sexy”, and I must say that I do feel damn good about myself. It’s amazing what a bit of weight loss does for the confidence level. I haven’t weighed myself this week, because if you remember, I did say that I was going to only do the weigh in every other week. I can’t wait until I’m on the other side of 300. It’ll be nice to be my early adult weight again.

It feels strange that I’m starting to swim in my clothes, and I’m not going to go crazy and buy a completely new wardrobe quite yet, but I have been thinking of a getting a new outfit, something probably different than just a superhero shirt and shorts. I feel like I want to start dressing a little bit better on occasion, especially since Sarah tends to dress nice on date nights, and I’m looking like I always do. I appreciate that she says I look handsome all the time, but I feel that I could present myself a bit better for her.

Besides that, I should say that I’ve been busy getting the professional side of my life straightened out. I’m going to my school in two Fridays to pick up my stuff for when I walk down for my graduation, I’ll probably take the time to see my career advisor while I’m there. I finally got a rough draft of my newest resume for said film career done, and turned it in tonight. I hope that it’s something that we can work with to make better. Besides that, I also have another job lead that I’ve been looking to go towards for the better part of six years, I hope that I can hit up the application when it comes out so that I can fill it out, and hopefully get the job, that I went to school for.

I’ve taken the undertaking of trying to learn Spanish, so that I can become bi-lingual. It’ll help in communicating in general, especially since I do customer service type work, and it doesn’t hurt that I’ve got a goal to write a script in both English and Spanish as it’s about a Latina and her boyfriend(who isn’t Latino), and the plight that they go through being a bi-racial couple. I was an idea that I thought up a while back, and I thought it would be a nice challenge…. That’s something I like as a writer, is challenging myself. I really gets my creativity going, and as I get things going, I’ve got so much that I’ve already started, now it’s finding the time to concentrate on on script at a time, but I don’t want to loose the ideas, once I get them. I used to have these great ideas when I was younger, but I never wrote them down, and I would forget them over time.

I think that’s part of the reason I decided to keep learning, so that I could gain tools to help me out and be a better individual, between the Spanish, and learning things about getting that dream job, and then the videos to help me learn the software programs that I’m using or going to be using as I make movies, I’m staying busy, and I haven’t really played video games much lately. I have been watching more movies though.

On top of all of those things, blogging is helping me become a better writer, and I used to think that 500 words was kind of a challenge to come up with.  It’s funny because I’ve seen where the growth of my words have gone since I started this WordPress page for a class a couple of years ago. I was averaging about 400 words, then last year I was about 460. Now I average around 650 or something like that. Plus, my audience’s growing and my like are far higher now than they have been for the blogs I’ve had over the last two years. The only thing that’s down is the comments, I haven’t had somebody comment on the page itself. I think that I’m finally finding that niche as a blogger, and with all the projects that I’ve got going, I’m sure that I won’t be running out of any content to produce any time soon. Especially once we can get working on the studio, things kind of went south on movement there, but with a year of uncertainty, I don’t find that a bad thing at this time.

Self improvement is a key to success and I would like to see people succeed, keep on the journey of self discovery, you might surprise yourself. This is the director and that’s a wrap.

10 Years And More Paperwork!

So, I have to do paperwork because I’ve been at my job for ten years. Being the well oiled machine that I work for, I’m having to answer things from years ago, and then there are things that I don’t ever think that I knew. All I can think is man…..I’ve been doing this for way too long.

It’s given me a time to reflect on where my life has been, and where I’m going. The past is a bit blurry because I’ve not always handled life in the best ways possible, but as I’ve gotten older, and gained tools, I’m getting better at it. I’ve hit a few very dark times, and part of doing this paper work has caused me to try and remember through those dark clouds. I’d like to say those thoughts are sunshine and rainbows, but a rain cloud with thunder and lightning would fit that much better.

“It builds character,” or so that’s what they saying goes. It proves that I’m a survivor, even if it fucked me up a bit along the way. I’m a survivor…that’s the key there. Even when I wanted life to end, or wanted to hide away and disappear, I made it through those times, and I’m better for it. I’ve gotten married to a great lady, who loves and supports me, and we’ve had some great kids together, who I’ve not always been the best towards as well. We’re not perfect, but I love this family of mine.

“It builds character,” at least I’ve been able to analyze this and help it become something more positive in my life. Being someone who’s had insecurity issues and depression issues throughout my life, has built a thicker skin than when I was a child. I’ve heard the insults that people have said about me behind my back, and to my front. Most of the time I laugh because I think of how lame some of the words are. I think to myself, can’t you come up with something a bit better than that? Hamburger boy? Fatty Mc Fat Fat… whatever fucking insult they make to have a laugh. If it was me, I’d go for the jugular, and that’s the sad part, because that’s what my situation molded me to be when I was younger. I know that I have a mean streak and a low tolerance of bullshit, but I do try to not let that side out most of the time.

“It builds character,” and that’s true. I think that it’s all in how we decide to let it form us. At a low point, I finally decided that I was going to do everything that I could so that I could be a beacon of positivity in this world. Too many want to beat other’s down because, like they say, “misery, loves company.” I think that’s too true, and I don’t want to be the one to add to that problem. The funny part is that during my last “dark time”, I was hating everything and everybody, myself especially. Some would think that I’m being positive for other people’s sakes, though the truth is that I’m doing it for me, because I don’t want to ever feel the way I did before. Plus I’m starting to get this feeling that the world gives back to you what you project, and I’m wanting to feel positive vibes instead of the negative vibes that I had felt.

I’m feeling the balance between mind and body these days. The focus is getting stronger, and the  motivation is being felt by others as well(see several previous post). Well, I have so much more info to get before I can finish my paperwork, and I’ve got some studying to do as well.  So this is the director and that’s a wrap.

Disneyland-Pushed Twice As Hard

So, my wife and I decided that we would make up our sixteenth anniversary, which happened in July of last year, by going to Disneyland, without the kids. Yes, I do realize that seven months is a long time to postpone our celebration, but I was working on a movie at that time, and we just ended up being busy with life through a lot of that. It’s nice when we get some time where the two of us can just be a couple. Having kids, that gets hard to do, especially when they tend to be needy.


So to say the least, I got my 10,000 steps before eleven-o-clock. I best part is that I made it so long without having to take a break. I didn’t really slow down until about four in the afternoon, by then I think I was around 15,000 steps, but it was so worth the effort put forth. I can’t believe that I had made almost ten miles, it’s crazy to think that I made it that far.

In contrast, today I’ve only gone about 5,945 steps. I think that I deserve a break from that kick ass effort from yesterday, but I do plan on challenging myself like that again soon. Perhaps during a long hike or something, but then again, I might need more time before I do that.

The biggest highlights of yesterday was that I didn’t struggle to get through any of the turn styles, or on the rides, I wasn’t uncomfortable. That’s a big win, and I ate very well. We went to The RainForest Cafe for breakfast, where I had scrambled eggs, and a piece of bacon, with a few pieces of home potatoes. Lunch, I ate a Cauliflower patty, and a few fries. I finished with dinner of Claim Chowder. So, I was trying to be smart with my choices for meals. I didn’t really seem to enjoy any of them though. Another win, since food has always been a pleasure for me. I did have a few sips of Vietnamese coffee that Sarah got from the Lunar New Year booth. It was the first coffee I’ve had in months, and it was okay(I did also have a small cup this morning at home of instant). I think my journey with coffee is pretty much over, at least I’m okay with that.

It felt good to take this new lighter body out to something that would normally tax my body, and have this energy to just do more. I would have to take a break before we would get to the entrance of the park, the last several times we had visited. Amazing! We got in the rides that mattered to us, and we just had an over all great time. Sarah keeps telling me that she’s proud. It’s always better when you can have a great support system behind you. People really need to hear that they’re doing a good job. This doesn’t just go for your personal life, but getting that type of recognition of doing a good job at works, helps.

Since everything happened in a relatively short span, I’ll update everyone on a weight update next weekend. I think every other week tends to work better for me because there shows a noticeable change. It gives me some extra time to hit that 10,000 steps anyway. Besides, I still haven’t been cleared to go beyond light workouts still. Though my walks do feel like I could almost be pushing it, but they’ve been the easiest part so far.

Now, to change the subject, I’m currently trying to learn more about the various programs that I use for my filming, and continue to develop those skills. I’ll also be doing a few professional freelance videos in the next couple of weeks. I’m excited to get this experience under my belt, and I think it’ll help me out with some extra money to help get the equipment that I need to get a full production studio going.

Another subject that I’ve decided to focus as an area of study is Spanish. Living in California, it’s really handy to know, and besides that, bilingual is just another skill set that helps make myself more marketable with whatever profession I do. Right now, learning and adding skills, certs, etc…. is something that will help me better myself, and wasn’t the point, to improve myself?

Anyway, this looks like the end of another set of thoughts, so this is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Welcome To Club 100

So for the start of today’s blog, I’m going to educate the populace on what I had done and some of the facts about the procedure. According to the brochure at the doctor’s office, produced by Covidien the technical name for the gastric sleeve that I’ve been talking about over the last two months is the vertical sleeve gastrectomy, or partial gastrectomy. The procedure takes the cutting out of two-thirds of the stomach to make the stomach into a part of tube, or to make it look like a “sleeve”. This procedure also removes the part that produces a hormone called Ghrelin, which is the chemical that controls the cravings for being hungry.

At my highest weight, I was weighing in at 429.9 lbs. and at a hight of five-foot-ten, that put me at a body mass index of 61.7. The requirement is to have a BMI of 35, and I was well above that. I was on the cusp of having bad cholesterol, high blood pressure, and quite frankly, I was a prisoner in my own body(I’m sure I’ve said this a couple of times). heaviest

This was what I looked like at my heaviest. The worst part of all of this weight was when I would try to actually exercise, I would hurt. I had bruised my foot on a walk, my knees hurt, and it was just the most difficult thing when I moved. I truly felt that I was trapped in my own body and there wasn’t anything that I felt I could do to help me loose the weight. I was scared that I was going to put myself into an early grave.

I was doing well before I had my breakdown at work in 2013. I was on Weight Watchers and I had lost fifty-six pounds. 2 years after weight watchers

I was feeling good at the time, I felt free and with more energy, but then depression took over, and I gained it all back and then some. It was a rough time in my life, and my mind wasn’t right. I felt like I was the most worthless thing and I wanted to die. That actually followed me even when I was able to go back to work.

When I decided to go back to school in 2014, I was trying to change my life around. I didn’t realize for about the first year of school in what I was doing, and it took until about another half-year before I realized that what I needed in life was a better outlook on what life could and would end up being for me.

The first thing I did do, again without realizing the potential of what would come, was I decided that I would be a beacon of positivity. When I left work, there was negative people everywhere and it really helped to bring me down. The decision of being positive wasn’t for anybody else, except myself. I didn’t want to continue to feel worthless, and the new outlook helped me be a better person, not only with myself, but for other’s as well. That is something I continue to, and will continue to do for the rest of my life.

Finding that creative outlet was the best thing for me, I’ve been able to put forward the thoughts and revelations into something tangible, and that’s where things like this blog come in at. It seems like I’m in a constant state of thought, even when it’s at the worst times, like when I’m trying to sleep. Sometimes, it’s that state of restlessness  that helps some of my better ideas come out.

So, bringing this to a more present time period, when I got introduced to the idea of setting up a WordPress website, I decided that I would use the platform to blog. I figured that it would be a good way to share my experience, and hope that the words would find someone who might need to know that there’s other’s who have gone through the same kinds of issues they have, and that there is someone they could reach out too. I also fond it therapeutic for when I go through some of my emotional times. Though I suffer from depression, I don’t look at it as a weakness, but as a strength because I’ve survived the darkest of times. I’ve survived several times throughout my adult life. Now I’m here to help other’s who don’t know if they will make it, or if they just need some support and to be aware that things will get better.

With in the last year, the awareness that I’ve come across was that things were going to get better for me as I worked hard to finish school. I knew that I was setting myself and my family up for better things in life. I’ve been determined to make the best of life. As the months got closer to the end of my schooling, I was more determined to get done, and put what I earned to good use. I’ve been networking and planting the seeds for this better future.

Feb 3 stats

This is from my Pacer app. I went to my two month post operation check up and I weighed in at 360 lbs. It’s been a while there, and since it was out of town, I was determined to explore the city and get my 10,000 steps in today. I’ve got farther than I thought I would, and I’m glad that I have something to help record my progress. I think the most effective part is the fact that I’m obsessed with numbers, and this is a great way to keep track of the movements from my walks.

As I was walking with my wife downtown Lancaster, a thought came too me that I had never considered before- I invested in myself. Wow! I never considered something like that. Sure I’m going to have student loans, and the high cost of my weight loss surgery, but I had invested in myself. Physically, and mentally, I spent the money to help me find myself, and I’ve brought so many people with me for the ride. It took the surgery to help me not feel trapped anymore, and I want to keep pushing to get better. Then the school has helped me find the person that I was meant to be.

I think that’s the secret for people to be successful, and happy…invest in yourself, because the only person who’s going to take care of you in this life is you. You can only grow if you push yourself. That’s a thought to contemplate.

This is the director, Chris Keeling, I’m about seventy pounds lighter, and that’s a wrap.

Today(or Tomorrow? part 2)

Today was the real test….. After six weeks of being off of work I went back and put on my uniform. While I’ve noticed some changes in my body, and the movement I have, this was the real test, my uniform, which I have worn for the last ten years, showed me where I am physically. It’s huge on me, and I haven’t felt that way in a long time. It was amazing to feel that I’ve lost several pounds, and several inches. The pants make me feel like the Genie in Aladdin. That’s an accomplishment since over a month ago, things were a bit tight on me.

I came home and took a nap, but not because the day was hard, but because I couldn’t fall asleep until after eleven-forty. That doesn’t sound too bad, until you put into the context that I had to be up at four in the morning. At least when I did fall asleep, it was heavy, and nice. I think that getting back into a schedule is going to be good for me, even if I have to get up at four in the freaking morning. Three-thirty for those days I have to open busier spots. Have I mentioned how I hate getting up before six? True story.

Now, today ended up being kind of an easy day because we had more than enough coverage to man the spots that I work, and it was nice to have that for a first day back. As the day progressed, I saw many people who’ve been following my weight loss journey, and it was nice to be welcomed back. It was nicer to be told that I was looking good(and yes the ego feels satisfied). I’m trying to measure how many steps I take while at work so that I can do the math on my ten thousand steps, that I’m supposed to get in a day, also something that I haven’t quite made yet. At least my body held up, and standing for hours didn’t hurt so bad.

As the point that I made yesterday, I’m a different person, both physically, and mentally. I’m standing straighter, and I’m keeping a good attitude. Some days I think that it’s going to be hard to think that I will be, but at least it was a familiar feeling. Muscle memory maybe? All I know is that the routine, is going to help me get back the focus that I need. I think the saddest part of work is that most of the people I have become close to have left. Yes, I still have a few people that I really like, but my closest of friends have gone on to better things(which I’m proud of).

I’m going to take a week or two before I really start pushing myself and going to the gym after work, I feel that I just want to get back to used to standing for the long hours in the day before I decide to “kill” myself in the gym. I’m not trying to hurt myself, and I don’t want to do any internal damage, because of the staples in my stomach. I’m looking forward to dropping the next fifty pounds though. That would put me at a weight that I haven’t been since my almost seventeen year old was born.

At least I’m not allowing food to cope with my emotions. Yes, I still like to eat, but it’s no longer the same relationship that I once had with it. Life’s going to get more interesting and enjoyable this year. I plan on keeping up with getting the life I actually do deserve, both for me, and for my family.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

39th Year of a Life

Yesterday was my birthday, and I’ve been on this Earth for thirty-nine years. I had so many people wish me a happy birthday, that it feels good to know that people actually do think about me. I have friends, and family, that’s a great feeling to know the appreciation of being apart of people’s lives. Let’s look at the retrospect of life in the past year, shall we?

The first thing to note is that I’m a blogger, and I’ve been doing this for the last year and a half now. I started it for a class, because we’re to build our own websites. This happened to be my first. My second is my portfolio/promotional website: feel free to check it out. It shows of a bit of my work, and it’s a great way to promote one of my “brands”. I kept my WordPress website, because I wanted to have a place to put my work, this particular site(because I have two) became the place where I decided to try my hand at blogging. As a writer, I thought that this would be a great way to practice. It has been so much fun putting my thoughts out into the cyber space.

The second reason that I find that blogging has helped me grow as a person and has been therapeutic at times when I’ve been depressed, and it’s helped to sort out some of my thoughts. Plus it’s been a great way to network with people with shared interests. It helps when people have gone through common experiences, when they come together in support. Sadly, not everyone seems to “get” that. I’ve been enlightened to other’s plights this way.

This last year was the year to start getting the new me ready for the world! I’d been trying to get to a place where I could be happy with myself, and it’s taken a long time to get to that point. This was the year that forced my hand to make those drastic changes. I was done being trapped in the flesh casing that was bringing me down and I decided to get weight loss surgery.Patient_Image 12_04_17 10_57_29

This was what I looked like 12/4/17. I had lost about thirty pounds by this time and today I look like this:


I feel so much better about myself, and this is just the beginning. I’ve been trying to watch what I eat, and I’m also moving so much easier. For the longest time, I had this mass sitting on the middle of my chest that just prevented me from doing anything comfortably, and now that it’s gone I can move faster, longer, and clothes fit better.

The other big thing that happened this year took three years to complete and that was to get my Bachelor’s of Science degree in Digital Filmmaking with a 3.76 GPA. I’ve never put so much time and effort in any class like this before and I’m happy to have finished with school. Now, I’m making efforts to better myself professionally.25588135_10209494932724657_3328647117328513282_o

I’m looking for a job that I can apply my degree in, and I’ve also been working on my own independent production company for over the last year as well. I love the process of writing and then getting people to become my characters, and having the chance to direct them. Yes, I think thirty-nine is the year that amazing things are going to happen for me, and I can’t wait to see what’s in store.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Not This Night

I’m sitting here and it’s about a half hour until Christmas is over. I have my two week check up at night-fortyfive in the morning and I can’t seem to get my mind to shut off. I would love to say that it was because I had such an awesome day that the adrenaline is still kicking, but it’s not. Now, I’m not saying that today was a bad day, being Christmas and all, we did the routine in going to my parent’s house, and watching the kids enjoy their presents. It just felt average.

Nash Gray premiered this morning, and I think the viewing seemed to go alright for a first day out. I wish the views were tripled, but I’m not going to complain, and I hope more people end up finding it and liking it. With what reviews that I did get, people seemed to like it, and for that I’m glad. I’m happy to have been able to finally get my first real production out, and now I’m already of thinking of the documentaries that I’m working on and the short that I should be filming in February. It’s the short that I think might be on my mind currently. I’m thinking about story boards, and maybe fixing up some dialogue so that the story has a bit of a more complete feel to it. I remember writing it and having a bit of things implied because it was supposed to be a short of around seven minutes.  I’m eager to get this one reshot and out of the way, as I have some people that I’m already committing too to tell their story. People are interesting to say the least.

Going back to the weight loss journey though, I’m not nervous or anything about the appointment, but to say that I feel monumentally different would be an overstatement. I notice that fat that seemed to block my movements is gone, and that I move better, and the scale says that I’ve lost weight, but I don’t really feel different. More conscious about how  I eat for sure, and eating too fast tells on me. I just don’t feel so different, and I’m sure it’s just a phase.

I’ve been reading people on a Facebook Sleeve support page and I see so many different experiences about the surgery. I think the common one I’m seeing is the last minute jitters, after all I had those same feelings. It’s the end journey that is going to be good, once the fat is gone and life has changed, I think I’ll look back and say that it was worth it. I don’t want to think that I feel depressed because my habits have been forced to change so much.

I think that the unknown is what’s been getting me down, and it’s not about the weight loss journey anymore, but more about when I get that better job, and the bills that I’m going to be paying on for a very long time. I just need to tell myself that good things come to those who wait, and I’ve been working towards those good things for a long time now. I’m just glad that my depression isn’t like it was before, I do know that I’ll make it out of this just fine. There’s just a lot of reflection going on with me.

Maybe that’s another reason I’m starting to focus more on the next project….that seems to give me a bit of satisfaction knowing that I’m going to be creating something. So much to do, and now that I have a bit more free time, I need to get on some other projects started besides the movies. I think I’m going to test out some of my new equipment for pod casting this week and maybe bring in the new year with a new pod cast show, though I’m thinking of doing a few different ones as it is.

I’m finally getting somewhere in life that I want to be, and I hope that everyone who wants to, joins in watching the growth and creativity come out. This is the director and that’s a wrap. P.S. if you haven’t seen it yet, here is the link to Nash Gray If you like it, give it a like and subscribe to the channel, it’s still new, but more content will be added as soon as things get up and running more so than it is now.

Science? To What Degree?


I got this beauty in the mail today. It’s my Bachelor of Science in Digital Filmmaking. I’ve busted my ass for the last three years to obtain this degree, and it the pay off is in the Magna Cum Laude. I’ve never wanted something so bad in my life. I was happy to be able to finally accomplish something at this level. Plus, it’s a major step in the direction to having a better life for me, and my family.

I guess I should give an explanation on why this is a milestone for me, with the fact that I usually would let myself get to a point of insecurity, and quit anything worth while because something got to hard. I would do everything I could just to get by in life. I had various passions in my life, but I would squander them and waste the talent that I had. Now things are different.

I had to have that kick in the ass to get myself going, and while some people think that going after my passions and gaining the skills of a filmmaker might be considered a “waste of time”, I beg to differ because, film can go towards so many other things besides doing movies. Yes, I do movies, and I plan to keep on doing visual story telling, while doing other work with my degree in the real world. I have a plan.

The degree is step one, step two is getting myself healthy and since I’ve had the gastric sleeve, I’m feeling much better about myself. These will continue to help me build the brands that I’ve been working on for the last few years and I plan on doing far more things in life. Currently the third step is getting myself that other employment to help support my family and help make the movies that we will be making.

I’m sure after the third step I will have other plans starting to come to the forefront and those plans will be revealed as I continue on this course that I’ve taken for the rest of my life. I’m motivated to live my life and not be stuck playing video games all the time, and let time be wasted away. I love how life is finally turning around, and making me a better person. I will be sharing more as I go along. This is the director and that’s a wrap.

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