Friday the 13th, Anniversary

So, tomorrow is my seventeenth anniversary with my wife. She’s probably the single reason that I’ve been successful in the things I’ve done so far. She supports, and pushes me to do better, and quite frankly, if I didn’t have that support, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

So, it seems a bit odd that we would get married on a Friday the thirteenth, but I’m not a believer in superstitions, as a matter of fact, they tend to work in my favor more than against me anyway. Seventeen years is a long time. In my generation, it seems uncommon to be together that long, and yet, here we are.

So, for a successful relationship, I’ve got some tips for anybody trying to have a long lasting relationship. First of all is communications: it took me a long time to learn this, as a matter of fact, I think it took both of us to learn this fact. Something that can be coupled with this is honesty. I know that sometimes truth can be a bitter pill to swallow, but it’s better to be honest about everything. Secrets tend to fester into something bigger than it should ever be. I know that sometimes people fuck up, it’s better to say something then let it eat you up inside. They know, somehow they’re smart enough to know when something is wrong.

Something I learned along the way that I wish I would have known in the beginning is don’t rush into anything. The best thing is to enjoy the relationship for what it is before complicating it with something like children, or even marriage can sometimes be too much. Autumn came into our lives fairly quickly, and we had to grow up as a couple quick. Neither one of us has any regrets, but as a reflection, we could have grown as a couple before the complications of pregnancy came in.

Not everything is smooth, and love isn’t perfect. This is truth, in most aspects of life anyway. You’re your own person, with your own opinions, and let’s face it, as an individual, you’re not always going to see “eye to eye” with everybody. Some days,  you’re gonna hate that face of the other person, but if you decide to stick it out, you’ll be able to accomplish so much in your lives together.

There’s an energy that happens when you start a relationship that’s called The New Relationship Energy.  It’s that feeling you get when the relationship is new and exciting. You get tricked into thinking that everything is perfect, and that person is perfect. It would be great if this could last, however that veil will be lifted up at some point, and then that’s when you discover the things your partner does that drives you crazy. Maybe you don’t like the snoring they do when you guys sleep. Maybe you don’t like their bathroom habits. That shit matters, and quite frankly can end up being the deal breaker for some people. I have my faults, and she has her’s, but we look past it to work on being a family.

While we’ve been married seventeen years, we’ve been together almost eighteen. I think part of what makes us work is the fact that we were friends first. I think a solid friendship helps, because essentially your partner’s gonna know you better than your best friend, unless you’re lucky enough to marry your best friend. I’ve found a best friend in Sarah, and I’ve gotten to know her better than my best friend.

When you get into a relationship, you becomes a we, and as a we, you become one. There are habits that you’re eventually going to pick up from your partner, and there’s things that your partner might pick up that will drive you crazy somewhere. That’s something I can only say you’ll have to figure out on your own. However, a word of cation: if you have kids, be of one mind when child rearing, because kids, can sense when there’s a difference of opinion, and they will use it to their advantage.

As a last bit of reflection, I’m lucky that Sarah had experience with raising her brother and sisters, it helped me find a path to being a parent. While I don’t always seem to give my thanks to her online or talk about all the current issues plaguing our relationship, I think that’s in our favor, because people like to cause trouble at times, and again, people have opinions. I know that I have some very different opinions about life choices than some of the people we know and hang out with, but I respect people for what they believe in and I would never force my opinion on them.

So to my wife, happy anniversary! You’ve stuck with my crazy ass so far, and I hope you want to continue for at least a little while longer. This is the Director, and that’s a wrap.

No Pain, No Gain

So, I have a five day weekend that started yesterday, and because it was the fourth of July, I didn’t get my personal training session in. That’s okay, because I made it up today, and suffered for it. Sometimes, I ask myself why I do the things I do, then I remember, because I don’t want to be unhealthy anymore.

Today, Sam started to help me find my inner strength to help push through all the pain, and suffering to get the best workout that I can. I’ve never been one to grunt or yell in the gym…and I’ll leave it at that. However, I’m being shown that it helps bring my inner strength out, and helps me keep going for a few more reps, at least.

Again, I’m reminded that I still have that man trapped in a bigger body mentality. It’s not always easy to over come, especially since I’ve not be able to do things for years do to my mobility. I know that I should be able to do more things, but what my mind and body think is sometimes two totally different things. I find myself trying to convince my body that I can do these things, even when it wants me to hesitate.

Since I’m on a five-day weekend, I decided to put myself through a six-day challenge with my ten-k-step challenge. I’m currently on day three, and I’m not quite half-way there yet. I figured that I would get a bit of rest before going back out to finish it off because I did squats today. I’m usually good with doing the three-sets of twenty, however, we also did more sets  and different variations on the squat.

I got my my steps in yesterday, but I ended up with another oddly shaped sunburn again. The barbell was a bit uncomfortable on the sunburn, yet I pushed through and did alright. I surprised myself with as well as I did. Plus, we got in some deeper sets on top of the normal squats we did.

The more I train, the more I think that I really do want to learn and also become a personal trainer as well. Like I said before, it would add a bit of Creedence to my CK Project, and I really do like helping other people. Whether by motivation, inspiration, or however, it gives me a different purpose in my life. I don’t think I would have ever wanted to do this about ten or so years ago.

I know that when I started the Project about seven years ago, it was more about accountability, than anything else. I was glad that people where being inspired, and it made me feel good to know that I could have such a positive impact, now it’s one of the driving forces behind what I do.

This is the legacy that I want to leave: The fact that I was able to help someone change for the better. There’s been too much in my life that’s been caused by negativity, and I don’t want to be someone who has turned into something that just adds to the negativity. Unfortunately, I’ve seen this all too much on social media. Facebook, Twitter; there’s a bunch of negative posts about religion and politics that happens.

I find that I’ve seen the worst in people on my pages. I choose not to comment because I pick and choose my battles, even though I’m also going to admit now, that I have a tendency to be interested in the unknown variables, just because I’m interested in the way “the system” will respond to it. It can be frustrating that I find myself on the losing end of the vote, as often times what I wanted, doesn’t seem to win.

Anyway, as I’ve observed the political debates, or religious debates go from a mature amicable conversation, to name calling and a two paragraph message on someone’s reason that someone else is “stupid”. I mean come on, we all have our opinions, but why does it have to resort to name calling, just because someone doesn’t agree. Why not just agree to disagree, so that the name calling doesn’t devolve into a match of a typed out boxing match. I feel that it doesn’t put a favorable light on the complete argument. Yes, I’ve fallen into this trap a couple of times, but I’m trying to become a better person, and not reflect that type of negativity.

All I’m saying is, try and be good humans to each other, and with that being said, this is the Director, and that’s a wrap. I do have my seven month check-up on Saturday, and we’re going to be spending the day on adventures.

A Half Year Out

So today marks my six month anniversary of having the gastric sleeve. I came home not feeling well today, and I wasn’t sure what it was, but I slept it off, so I guess it wasn’t anything too serious. I don’t think that it was the heat, but the pain in my stomach wouldn’t allow me to breath in the vest that I was wearing at work.

It’s a time to reflect on what I’ve learned from the last six months: The first of many is the fact that I’ve learned to love myself again. Self image is something that can affect your psyche, and when you hate the way you look, it brings down your self-esteem. I’ll be the first to admit that presenting myself with an ego and larger than life personality has been the way I’ve over compensated for my own self-esteem.

Secondly, I’ve discovered how humbled I’ve become by the response of my weight loss.  I’m proud of the fact that I’ve lost 114.7 pounds so far, but when people say how they have to do a double take to recognize me, that makes me feel good. I’ve also come to realize that each person’s journey in life is different than one another. I think too many times people, myself included, find themselves comparing their lives to others. For example, better employment, that seems to have been given to someone else. How people can eat anything and stay skinny.

I think that in these moments, is our defining moment. Do we let the bitterness and jealously define who we are as people, or do we learn to appreciate the voyage to get us to where we are in life? I’ve spent so much negative energy idolizing others, and I’ve discovered that I shouldn’t. I’m a survivor, and I’m not sure everyone has it in them to be strong like that.

I’ve also learned that helping others keeps being affirmed with each interaction I have with people. Helping others is a wonderful experience, and success in others gives me a sense of accomplishment. I’m sure that the CK Project is where I’m going to find my biggest purpose in life. Yet, I still plan on making movies, so the drive is to continue to multi-task for as long as possible.

With the recent news of the suicides of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, I’m reminded that depression and loneliness go hand in hand. People have stated, that they don’t understand why someone would take their own lives, since they seemed “normal” before they took their own lives. From my own experience, when in that state of mind, it’s hard to express, and “it’s feeling lonely in a room full of people”. Even when feeling that way, it’s hard to express the need for help. Many times, that demon is hard to battle as it often times seems like it’s a one persona struggle.

The need for help is often there, but hard to figure out where to turn for help. I was fortunate to get that help before it’s was too late. Had I not, I would have taken my life. The result of that help is in the contents of these blogs. I’ve become more driven, and I’m finding success in life. Plus, I’m connecting with people on a level I’ve never attempted before.

Self-investment, was a key role in helping me discover myself, and the potential is infinite. Don’t let other’s define who you are; you can always improve, and it’s never too late.

I’ve also realized that I’m almost fitting in a 2x shirt. That’s a great accomplishment as that seems to be the biggest size in most stores. I’ve been eyeing some shirts that I’d like to eventually fit myself into at some of the more mainstream stores. My style of baggy clothes have started to change. I’m no longer hiding my body in overly sized clothing, and I’m finding nicer things to wear. Sarah says that she likes it, so I think that decision is a keeper.

It’s incredible how far I’ve come on my journey of self-acceptance, and my personal growth is going farther than I expected. I look forward to having you continue to follow this journey of mine. I hope you reach out and network with me, perhaps we’ll find a bond that will benefit the both of us. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Six Month Update

It’s amazing to realize that as of next Monday, I’ll officially be six months out post surgery from the Gastric Sleeve.  So, the status update is that I lost another 2.9 pounds. That puts me at 315.2, with my BMI at 45.2. It’s crazy to think that I’ve lost almost twenty percent body fat so far. Yet, I’m almost to the half way mark on this journey.

I’m still seeing my personal trainer two days a week. I’m a bit frustrated because I feel like I should be making better progress with my strength, yet I try to bust my ass every time I go. The heat and work, don’t really seem to help me there. Maybe, I’m not getting enough nutrition to help out?

So far, I’ve started the month on a good note, by getting those 10,000 steps in everyday, except today. I’m trying to take Sunday’s off as my day of rest. I’ll be up to pushing myself again. My current goal is to hit the 300 pound mark, and hopefully before my appointment on the seventy of July. Crazy that it’s the seven month mark.

Summer is here, and I’m sure we’re going to make a trip to the lake, or perhaps the beach or something this summer. Crazier is the fact that my kids have finished another year of school. Kids grow up so fast, it’s crazy. My son made me smile yesterday as he has me as his lock screen. It’s of me doing crunches, and he said that he’s proud of me. There’s a joy in the fact that children find pride in their parents. It makes things worth it.

Moving on to other business: So we’ve gone into pre-production on our next short. We’ve got the location scouted, and are writing up some descriptions for casting calls. We’re also doing some research on props for the said short, being that one prop is the center for one of the character’s motives. This will be going on soon enough, and I’m excited that we’re moving forward again. Plus, we should be moving forward with the conversion of the studio. I bought the first thing that was needed off of the list, and I should have some extras from converting my son’s room for part of the list.

I’ve been organizing my scripts and going through each of them. I’ll have to re-read some of them as that the transferring from one program to another has shifted things a bit. I’ve got like nine different projects going. It’s weird seeing them all as a list on one page, but it reminds me that the creative process is strong with me.

I’m liking the fact that I have other collaborators to work with. It’s great to have new ideas being brought forth. I can’t wait to get into working on them, but again, I do still have several projects going on at the same time, and I know that not all of those ideas have been put on the computer yet. So there will be more to come soon.

I need to start doing more on my CK Project documentary soon. I know that I’m going to be using the things that I’ve used as updates on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, and I’m going to be utilizing Snapchat a bit more. I just haven’t decided which project I want to use it for, either the motivation or the production company, hell I might do both, but I’m unsure yet.

Here’s some pics from yesterday’s appointment :6 month pics

This woman is my biggest supporter, and I don’t think I’d be nearly where I am if it wasn’t for her. I’m noticing the difference in my looks as well. Especially in the picture on the right. Plus my support and I have been together for eighteen years, this year. Her birthday is on Thursday, and she deserves to be celebrated.

Well, the work week is about upon us, so I leave these parting words for everyone. It can be a rough ride to be successful, but remember that all the hard work and patience will be worth it. I can’t think of a time where I have more ups then downs until this point in my life. Remember, don’t let the harsh words of others define you. I know that I spent a majority of my life feeling that way, and feeling less then. I’ve come to a maturity of self acceptance, and self love. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

P.S. This week, The CK Project on Facebook got more views from people I wasn’t expecting. Thank you for the support, as this journey gets bigger.

As It Keeps Going Down

So, I went and weighed in on Friday, and I had lost about three and a half pounds. I’ll be honest, it wasn’t the best I’ve had for a weight loss, but it was a loss non the less. I attribute it too the fact that I’ve slacked a bit on my walking. Now that I’ve been put back on a regular rotation for work again. I’ve kind of used that as an excuse not to push the steps.

I’m not going to use that as an excuse anymore, because my weight total was 318.1. I’m eighteen pounds away from the 300 mark.   I need to keep the momentum up so that I can get past this leg of my journey. 2000 was the last time I was below that number, and I look forward to getting to that point.

My fat has been getting smaller, and my belly doesn’t hang anywhere like it used to. It’s crazy that I feel different. For an example…I’m starting to feel something more like muscle instead of fat in certain areas, or I should say a fatty clump like I used too. Yeah, I still feel and look like I’m misshapen, but looking at where I was at this time last year is incredible with the transformation.

Not only is the weight loss journey, but creatively things are picking up. We had our second production meeting, and it was nice to add to the creative team. They will also be good members to have on set, as running a production always help to have more people to help set up the scene and lighting. I can’t wait until we get into the creative stride so that we can keep producing fresh content.

I’m trying to find a script writing program that suites my needs, as Adobe Story has seemed to stop working as smoothly as it had been. I need a program that would help with other reports as well. Camera set-ups, cast and crew, and the like. I’m looking at one called  Celtx, and it seems to be one that I can use, it’s just a bit pricey. Who ever said running your own business was going to be cheap?

This weekend, dealing with these issues I had, was a bit of a challenge. The plus side is, I survived and I will be at work tomorrow. The fact that the kids have two weeks of school left, that’s a thought that I’m finding crazy. I mean where the hell did this year go already. We’re almost half done.

I am however looking forward to having a four day weekend starting next Friday. I know that we’ll be watching Solo(2018) to start the weekend. Four days off will be nice, and I’m sure I’ll get some great hiking in, and at least four days of 10k steps at least.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

“Don’t Call It a Come Back”

It’s funny to see where I was in the beginnings of my blogging life. So, much has changed since the early blogs.

I’ve been contemplating things that I’ve been planing on doing with life. The first thing that I’ve promised myself is to start working on this page as a part of a regular routine.  I hope that I can keep myself on track as I continue to explore who I am as a person, and improve myself along the way.

    As I review these few sentences that I wrote in 2016. I remember thinking that I would try and write 500 words on every blog. I also remember thinking that 500 words were far harder to come up with than I thought they would be.

As I’ve gone along, my writing has gotten better, and my words are averaging about 670. My views and likes have gone up as well. That makes me feel a bit justified in the writings that I do.

At that time, I thought, “hey, I’ll just right all my thoughts down.” Little did I know that I would finally come up with a plan that focused more on mental health and a weight loss journey. I knew that the mental health was always something that I planned on addressing, and that’s why I keep a certain amount of transparency in my life. It’s a raw and brutal truth at times. I see that some people don’t seem to handle my decisions well, and to each their own really. I’m doing this because I know what it’s like to be someone who didn’t know what to do about a given situation and was too afraid to ask for the help, until it was too late.

I don’t want anyone to ever get into a desperate situation that could have lasting negative effects. That’s why I’ve asked myself to commit to this task. It’s not always easy to speak on what is currently going on in my life. I don’t always feel comfortable being vulnerable, but I find it necessary, not only in my personal growth, but in the aid of others. It’s refreshing when I get pm’s that state how helpful that was for a situation someone was in.

If I’m to speak plainly about some of the comments. The ego’s been fed when the pretty girl I had a crush on in school, mentions how proud she is of what I’m doing. Hopefully she, or they know who they are, and thank you for helping me feel that I’ve not waisted my time on this.

Exploring who I am as a person, has brought me on an incredible journey, as I’ve made more friends, and more solid relationships along the way. I’m fortunate enough to say that I’ve got an amazing group of people, who I get to work with on the personal projects. Part of that discovery is that being transparent about myself has helped give courage to putting myself out there to network, and not be afraid of asking for help.

It’s in these connections that I find the most reward. Then to look back on the first few blogs that I did, and to see where I’m at now compared to where I was, or what I thought I would be doing at that time, it blows my mind. Never would I have thought that I would be as driven to succeed as I am now. The film company was something I always wanted, but to add the CK Project  and the Geekultural Experience wasn’t what I was striving for at the time. Hell, I don’t even think I was in any kind of thoughts about having the Gastric Sleeve done.

Now, I’m over 100 pounds down, and I’m constantly staying busy with my brands to get them up and successful. Anything worth doing is never easy, but I’m determined to make something amazing happen, and I have the right people involved to help me get there, and they get to share in that success with me as well.

Anyway, this is the Director and that’s a wrap.

Chris Keeling Productions

I’ve been contemplating things that I’ve been planing on doing with life. The first thing that I’ve promised myself is to start working on this page as a part of a regular routine.  I hope that I can keep myself on track as I continue to explore who I am as a person, and improve myself along the way.

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Productive Saturday

Today, I got up and I walked five miles. I got over 11,000 steps before eleven-thirty this morning. What a way to start my day! After that, I spent most of the day with my son. We got to enjoy watching Avengers: Infinity War (2018) for the second time. Then we had a meeting with people who we are introducing to our creative team.

Allow me to expound on how I felt about Infinity War. As much as I love Marvel Studios, I think that they’ve gotten better over this last year. This movie was not only well balanced, but it proved that they could make a massive movie without losing the story. I’m excited by what the next few movies are going to add to the narrative. I’m sure that part four is going to so answers to the questions and consequences to the actions of this movie. Best movie so far.

So, I have a few creative minds in my group of friends, and some of us share like minded goals. I brought in someone who had worked with me on Nash Gray(2017)  and a mutual friend for a meeting to see if they would work to help on the creative writing side of things. This is especially important because I “apparently” have too many things going on. From trying to make money from my brands. Too working every other aspect that is involved with them. So this is something that I think will help expedite the process of getting something going while I get my priorities straight. I’ll admit that sometimes I can’t just seem to do one thing at a time, but I will get it figured out.

Now on to the weight loss journey that I’ve been on for over five months.32349505_2059831254272472_1460137951194251264_o

I’ve lost over one hundred and seven pounds. I’ve dropped down ten pants sizes. I feel incredible. My confidence has sky rocketed. All in all, life is going good.

I’m always so amazed by how good life has been going. I even have good days, even if they’re less than stellar. Putting positive energies out to the world, really does seem to to come back ten-fold. I’m sure that with the kind of news I had been getting this last week, even better things will be coming this way for me, and my family. By family, I mean the one’s I’m related too, and the one’s I choose to call family. Many of those, have been such a huge inspiration and great support for me. I want to thank them for what they’ve given me.

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. I want to thank the most inspirational women in my life. My mom, for being there for me through everything. Even if we don’t talk everyday, knowing that you’re there if I need you is enough. My wife, the woman who puts up with my shit and has for the last eighteen years. She’s helped make me the man I am today. The long nights of doing my school work. The long days I had to be at work. The days that I just wanted to give up. She’s been my foundation. To my Echo, my best friend, I love you because you’ve given me just as much support as Sarah, and you’re the person who sees through my bullshit, and will tell me to get my head out of my ass.

If you have your mother, or a mother figure. Thank her for being there for you. Let her know that she’s love and you appreciate that she’s given of herself to raise you. Those who’s mother’s might not be around, remember the things that she’s taught you and give her the tribute that is fitting for her memory.

My gift to my wife started yesterday, as I took her out to lunch on her lunch break, and it continues as we go for a hike with a picnic tomorrow. I’m having a co-worker and his family join us tomorrow, so that’s going to be new and exciting, since I don’t really hang out with too many co-workers. He’s told me about his wife, and I think that we’ll get along with our shared interests in the geek culture.

Be good everyone, and have a safe Sunday. This is the Director and that’s a wrap.

Unfollowed Success

So, as much as I’ve been talking about my successes and experiences, much like my weight loss journey, or getting my brands started. I’ve shared some other things, like my failures as a man, a husband, a father. I’ve used them as examples of my short comings, and the terms I’ve come too in life. I’m going to use this platform for kind of a rant, or more of a way to find understanding tonight.

Social media, can both be a blessing and a curse. The blessings come in the form that you can connect to long lost friends, and family. You get to share your successes, and good memories that you make. Even too the point as the memories are happening. The access is amazing with Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, these platforms can appeal to our vanity, as well as our pride.

There’s the other side of social media though that causes it to be a curse as well. Some people over share their lives, which is fine, but it also opens up for critical critiquing. People secretly judge you behind their screens, without so much as a repercussion for “trolling” people. This is the side that detaches us from human interaction. This is the time when we as a judgmental society, can feel that our opinions are relevant, and we can treat each other like assholes.

I’ve vented about my relationships in the past, I’ve shared my struggles because I didn’t feel that I had anyone to actually talk to. The problem there is why it might feel gratifying, I was never sure who was actually siding with me, or who was just trying to sabotage who I was a person. People can be supportive on your timeline, but secretly sharing the info with other’s who would just assume to see some one fail.

Tonight, I was rebuked on my Facebook page about over sharing. Now, I’m not sure where he was getting all this info from, but he mentioned my wife sharing things as well, and that he was tired of see all the complaints. He even used #keepyourmarriageprivate. Now, people said that he should have private messaged me about it, which I in turn messenger him, and text him to see if everything was okay, because it wasn’t something that I felt sounded quite like him. Yes, he is someone that I know in person, but I was a bit surprised by the words he had put on my page.

I’m not going to sit here and say well, it’s my page and I can put what I want on it. That’s already a given, and like I mentioned about the dark side of social media. That’s exactly one of the problems, it gives people the feeling of entitlement, like their opinion is the only that matters. If that’s the way someone wants to take it, it is their right, but yes, that is something that the medium is there for. It just vexed me that I would get attacked for answering some simple and fun questions. They were innocent enough, after all, it wasn’t like I was trying to open the Arc of the Convenient. It wasn’t like the questions where asking if I voted for Clinton or Trump. I guess my response was interpreted the wrong way.

So, let me talk about what social media has done for me. MySpace gave me the opportunity to reconnect with some of my oldest and dearest friends from my past. People with whom I’ve grown closer too, and have gotten an abundance of support from. I’ve been able to connect with family members that I’ve never been able to meet in person, and learn about some of my heritage. I’ve also learned that I don’t always get along with some of those family members. I’ve also been able to give support to people in various states and countries around the world because of social media.

I’ve also been able to get employment from being connected to social media. Plus I was able to finally find the right schooling for me to get my degree in. I’ve grown relationships, and personally through this technology. It’s helped me grow and get my shit together. I’ve become someone I would never have thought I would be through my work online.

I’m now a businessman, trying to get three separate brands going. I’ve become a guild to those who feel that they need experience to guid them with their weight. Some have gotten help with mental health struggles. This is why I do what I do. I found a place in myself to not be selfish and give unto others. My experience has become a tool. My times of weakness, has now become my strength and I use it to be a beacon for others to find a light shining in the darkness.

While I would usually say that it’s a wrap, I have a message for the nay sayers. I am who I am, and you either like me, or you don’t. I’ve done enough in my life trying to get the approval of others, and for that I’ve lost something of myself to be a people pleaser. Sure, there are things I share with others, and some of it might be controversial, but there is something to remember in that: I’m not here to make everyone happy. I don’t give a God damn if you don’t always approve of what I say. I’m here to help those who feel that they would like it, because I’ve been lost, I’ve been ready to give up. I’ve seen people end their lives, and all I could think of was only if…. Only if I could have been there to tell them that it’s going to be okay. They are liked, even when they feel alone. I’ve thought about those people that I wish I could have reached out too. Just know that there is someone willing to listen. My success is attributed to many people behind the scenes. While it seems like I don’t always give them the props on social media, they know that they’re appreciated. Don’t worry, I got my side handled. Nobody’s going to bring down my success. I’m all aces.

 

Welcome To Club 100

So for the start of today’s blog, I’m going to educate the populace on what I had done and some of the facts about the procedure. According to the brochure at the doctor’s office, produced by Covidien the technical name for the gastric sleeve that I’ve been talking about over the last two months is the vertical sleeve gastrectomy, or partial gastrectomy. The procedure takes the cutting out of two-thirds of the stomach to make the stomach into a part of tube, or to make it look like a “sleeve”. This procedure also removes the part that produces a hormone called Ghrelin, which is the chemical that controls the cravings for being hungry.

At my highest weight, I was weighing in at 429.9 lbs. and at a hight of five-foot-ten, that put me at a body mass index of 61.7. The requirement is to have a BMI of 35, and I was well above that. I was on the cusp of having bad cholesterol, high blood pressure, and quite frankly, I was a prisoner in my own body(I’m sure I’ve said this a couple of times). heaviest

This was what I looked like at my heaviest. The worst part of all of this weight was when I would try to actually exercise, I would hurt. I had bruised my foot on a walk, my knees hurt, and it was just the most difficult thing when I moved. I truly felt that I was trapped in my own body and there wasn’t anything that I felt I could do to help me loose the weight. I was scared that I was going to put myself into an early grave.

I was doing well before I had my breakdown at work in 2013. I was on Weight Watchers and I had lost fifty-six pounds. 2 years after weight watchers

I was feeling good at the time, I felt free and with more energy, but then depression took over, and I gained it all back and then some. It was a rough time in my life, and my mind wasn’t right. I felt like I was the most worthless thing and I wanted to die. That actually followed me even when I was able to go back to work.

When I decided to go back to school in 2014, I was trying to change my life around. I didn’t realize for about the first year of school in what I was doing, and it took until about another half-year before I realized that what I needed in life was a better outlook on what life could and would end up being for me.

The first thing I did do, again without realizing the potential of what would come, was I decided that I would be a beacon of positivity. When I left work, there was negative people everywhere and it really helped to bring me down. The decision of being positive wasn’t for anybody else, except myself. I didn’t want to continue to feel worthless, and the new outlook helped me be a better person, not only with myself, but for other’s as well. That is something I continue to, and will continue to do for the rest of my life.

Finding that creative outlet was the best thing for me, I’ve been able to put forward the thoughts and revelations into something tangible, and that’s where things like this blog come in at. It seems like I’m in a constant state of thought, even when it’s at the worst times, like when I’m trying to sleep. Sometimes, it’s that state of restlessness  that helps some of my better ideas come out.

So, bringing this to a more present time period, when I got introduced to the idea of setting up a WordPress website, I decided that I would use the platform to blog. I figured that it would be a good way to share my experience, and hope that the words would find someone who might need to know that there’s other’s who have gone through the same kinds of issues they have, and that there is someone they could reach out too. I also fond it therapeutic for when I go through some of my emotional times. Though I suffer from depression, I don’t look at it as a weakness, but as a strength because I’ve survived the darkest of times. I’ve survived several times throughout my adult life. Now I’m here to help other’s who don’t know if they will make it, or if they just need some support and to be aware that things will get better.

With in the last year, the awareness that I’ve come across was that things were going to get better for me as I worked hard to finish school. I knew that I was setting myself and my family up for better things in life. I’ve been determined to make the best of life. As the months got closer to the end of my schooling, I was more determined to get done, and put what I earned to good use. I’ve been networking and planting the seeds for this better future.

Feb 3 stats

This is from my Pacer app. I went to my two month post operation check up and I weighed in at 360 lbs. It’s been a while there, and since it was out of town, I was determined to explore the city and get my 10,000 steps in today. I’ve got farther than I thought I would, and I’m glad that I have something to help record my progress. I think the most effective part is the fact that I’m obsessed with numbers, and this is a great way to keep track of the movements from my walks.

As I was walking with my wife downtown Lancaster, a thought came too me that I had never considered before- I invested in myself. Wow! I never considered something like that. Sure I’m going to have student loans, and the high cost of my weight loss surgery, but I had invested in myself. Physically, and mentally, I spent the money to help me find myself, and I’ve brought so many people with me for the ride. It took the surgery to help me not feel trapped anymore, and I want to keep pushing to get better. Then the school has helped me find the person that I was meant to be.

I think that’s the secret for people to be successful, and happy…invest in yourself, because the only person who’s going to take care of you in this life is you. You can only grow if you push yourself. That’s a thought to contemplate.

This is the director, Chris Keeling, I’m about seventy pounds lighter, and that’s a wrap.

The Adventure Continues….

I’ve done so much changing in the last several months, and one of the biggest was what started in April when I started looking into getting the Gastric Sleeve. When I first went in I weighed in at 419.4 pounds. I did my sleep study and had to go back in the beginning of June to retest. At that point I ballooned out at 429.9 pounds. I’d probably say that I had eaten a lot of beef jerky that day so I was retaining water and salt, and that’s why I was weighing in at so high.

I had another appointment some where down the line and it was about my deviated septum. At that point I had gotten back down too 412 and some change. I was glad to see that I could get myself down again as it was a few months before I would know about when I was going to have the surgery done. With being almost done with my six months with the nutritionalist, I was glad to see that I had gotten a positive on the loss side finally.

As I was getting ready to actually have my surgery, I was called in to get my weight right after it was approved. I weighed in at 400.3 pounds, and I was excited to see that much of a weight loss. Especially since I was excited for this change that was coming for me. The day of my surgery, I never weighed in. So, I’m not exactly sure where I was at during that time, but Monday, December eleventh, I had a bit of weight removed from my stomach, and getting sick on Friday, I went in the emergency room and weighted in at 392.

After that, I was moved seven hours later into a room, where I weighed in at 389. I didn’t think I would lose anything that fast, but it was nice that I did. I think for the next week, my weight didn’t quite lose very fast because after my two week appointment, I was sitting at 384. Not bad for somebody who just happened to be sitting around the house and going out for the occasional walk.

As of today, I’m at a weight of 373. I haven’t been this weight in a few years, and that’s a total of fifty-six point nine pounds that I’ve lost so far. The best part is that I’ve been cleared to do light workouts. I’m ready to get this body working again. For so long, I’ve had this fat in my chest that’s gotten in the way of everything I do. Things like bending down to tie my shoes, to the way I would breathe, it was my obstacle in life.

This has been a good decision on my part, but it hasn’t been without it’s ups and downs. I’m finally past the depression of the way my body feels when I eat, and the regrets of having it done. I know that this was what was needed to save my life. I think that I was about ready to die, part of me probably wanted to die(secretly). I hated that I let my depression come in and make me feel trapped in my own body. I hated looking at myself in the mirror. I hated who and what I became. That’s always the hard part, fighting those demons that make us feel like we are worthless and shitty.

Feeling worthless was a feeling that I battled with for several years. I’m glad that I finally took that and started to change my life around. With a diploma, and a chance to be healthy, I don’t plan on squandering anymore of my life. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.