Quarantine Mother’s Day

They are the first person we ever have a connection with. They are they first person that we find trust and security in. They are the hardest and most under appreciated workers that we’ll ever meet. As the title says, I’m thanking and appreciating the mom’s.

Through out my life, I’ve known some of the most amazing mother’s out there. The woman who raised me being one. The woman who risked her life to provide me with my two favorite humans. The compassion that these woman have shown, as well as other mother’s in my life, is inspiring.

This year is a banner year for many mother’s this because of epidemic that the world faces. What is often taken for granted is for once looked upon as a morose time because not everyone is able to see their mother’s. The event’s of this year has brought light to many things that we had often took for granted.

Going back, I have a mother, with whom I reconnected with about ten-or-so years ago. It was nice to actually talk to the woman who had given birth to me. We have common interests, and I was also able to meet my half-siblings. It was my sister who had reached out to me through Myspace and we had started a relationship. I’m not close to any of them, and I’ll be honest, I feel that it’s been more on me than anyone else. I have tried to be a good big brother when they had gone through issues, and I’ve tried to be a supportive son. Unfortunately, I’d been living my life without them for so long that it gets hard to put into perspective my emotions about how I feel.

I do think about them, and I know that I should reach out more often, and I think at some point soon, I will do exactly that. It’s just hard when certain realities start coming into the forefront of how things might have played out in the relationship between my parents. That’s something that I’m not going to get into though.

I have the step-mother who raised me. Truth is, she’s my mom. I’ve known her my whole life, and then she’s the one who was there through my accident, my dark times, and my good times. She taught me what it was to be a decent person. I have so much gratitude for this woman, who’s also loved my dad for her whole life.

For Sarah, the woman who I’ve spent most of my adult life with. I have so much that I can, and need to say about this woman. She picked me up when I was a broken shamble of a man. She helped me heal from one of the worst relationships that I had ever had, and she saw me at my lowest. She’s also seen me at my best. She’s been the woman to decide that I would be worthy enough to have not one, but two of the most awesome children that I’ve ever known.

She’s the one person who seems to know me better than most. Often times, I find her frustrating because of that, but at the same time I’ve been blessed to have her by my side throughout the years. One thing is that our relationship has gone through some rough waters, and the dichotomy of our relationship is evolving. Now, as I’m getting better, her health has been failing, and I’m constantly having to learn how to “up my game” in support.

That’s one thing that I’ve always tried to do, support her, in every endeavor that’s she’s wanted to do. I support her love of photography, and have always wanted to see her flourish in that as a profession. As we’ve been doing films, she’s come to find a love for special effects make-up, and she’s really good. The proof is in the fact that she put a bruise on her arm and I’m getting a message asking if I had hurt her. The proof is in the fact that when we’ve done test footage, I’m getting questions asking about what happened to me, and if I was okay.

She’s the toughest woman I know, because she stays by me, even if I don’t think that she should have. She’s learning to deal with her deteriorating health, and still be a good mother, and wife to me. All while she’s trying to get her professional certificate in behavioral science.

I’m just a father, I know that isn’t something to sneeze at, because I’m a decent father, but I don’t feel that I’ve had to put in the effort for the demands that the kids put on her. If they need something, she’s the one they call on. As a husband and a man, I’m certain that I also put the same demands as the kids do.

Again, I’m a father, I feel like I’m the fun one. Yet at the same time, I know that I’m the one looked too to keep discipline in the house. If the kids cause trouble, I’m the one who has to the attitudes in check. There had been many nights that I had been texted with emotions on not being home and the kids misbehave. It’s been pointed out that it’s unfair that is what happens most nights. I see the frustrations in her face, and in her voice when Little Chris has gotten over stimulated, and had a melt down.

I can’t even begin to imagine how it is for the single parents. I tip my hat, because child rearing is one of the most difficult, emotional, often times frustrating things to do in life. So for those who end up pulling double duty, I salute you. It’s hard enough being a father, but when having to take the responsibilities of what mom does is a challenge.

I know that there’s been times that Sarah was sick and I would have to take on the chores of keeping the little humans alive. It’s difficult, and she makes it look easy. I did alright, I mean I still have all my children. It just makes me appreciate the fact that a mother’s job is a lot of work. I couldn’t have asked for a better partner in this adventure.

If you still have your mother in your life, give her a call and tell her that you appreciate her for everything she’s done for you. If you have a wife, or a significant other, who does the child rearing, let them know that you appreciate everything they do for your children, and for you. It usually goes hand-in-hand.

Anyway, thank you again for all that you do, moms. I remember a quote from the movie The Crow(1994) and it goes, “mother is the word for God, on the lips of children”, and how profound a comic book movie could say something like that. It’s a great movie, and has some great lines like that. “Mother is the word for God, on the lips of children”. That line has always stuck with me, and I think that it applies more weight now, that I’m a father, and I see how my children are towards their mother.

It’s not always easy to have a family. There are often fights, tears, emotions, that come with raising children. Parent’s aren’t always going to see eye-to-eye, but this has been an amazing journey and two-and-a-half of the best decisions I’ve ever been apart of. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk and we will get through this difficult time in life.

I’m the director, and that’s a wrap.

The Onion That Makes You Cry

Being silent the past few days, I was trying to figure out where to go with everything that I wanted to say. I’ve been dealing with some personal creative slumps, and last week wasn’t my most motivated of weeks for working out either. Bare with me as I figure this all out as I write….

Last week, had some very good things that happened. After Super Hero Shirt Day, I was able to finish off my work week, decently. I like my new shift, and the crew seems to be great. I like the personalities that have come together. The hours are still being adjusted too, as I still will wake up several time a night because no alarm.

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I was unable to meet with my personal trainer at all last week. So, going to the gym kind of ended up not being part of the picture for me. Though I did get to take a hike on Sunday, but more on that in a bit.

The biggest part of my week, and/or weekend was that we filmed The Reunion. I want to thank Rodney Connors for coming in and working on another project with me. I’ve enjoyed all the time that we’ve worked together over the past several years. He’s become a good friend, and a I appreciate the energy he brings to set with him. Also, Adam McGee, a new face that I never worked with before, but he’s a hell of an actor, and someone I look forward to working with in various other areas. The work these two did was amazing, and made the day go by so much easier.

The crew came together for another shoot, and I’m grateful that I have this team of amazing people to help me out. Celeste Joy, my cinematographer, thank you for everything, because of your experience, you teach me, and I love how well we work together. Thank you for also teaching Little Chris some of the camera work, he loves it. Sarah, my wife, does every promotional thing, sets up the casting calls, researches, etc.. My thanks will never be enough to show you how much you are the reason for my success in everything I do. Movies, weight loss, name it, and she’s probably the one heavily involved with the process.

Alisa Wiggin, my make-up artist, co-set designer, and friend. Thank you for making the actors and set look good. It helps to bring life to the screen. Plus, we had a new sound person on set, Chris Matthews. I’m glad you were able to come in and enjoyed yourself. That’s why do what we do, because it’s fun. I look forward to many more projects together.

So now the first official post school project is in the post production, I should go back to what this blogs mostly about, and that’s the weight loss journey.

Outside of my lack of working out, I did happen to make my steps yesterday.38600730_2131343093787954_6965737394133794816_o

We went up north to the town of Independence, and found a hiking trail called Onion Valley. We went up there with my friend Jenn Miller, whom I’ve known just about as long as I’ve lived in Ridgecrest. I’ve probably known her a bit longer as her mom and my mom used to work together at the Toys R Us  in Rapid City, South Dakota. It was fun, it was a bit of a challenge. We all got sunburned, but it was totally worth it, and I can’t wait to do more adventures like that.

Through all of this journey, I’m going to confess that the last few years have been amazing. The CK Project just turned seven years old this year, and over the last couple of years has really started to take off. After all, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” Being as that may, when I started the project, it was more about accountability. It was my way of holding my weight loss, and myself accountable and hopefully show people the progress I was making. It’s become more of a Chris Keeling, showing who he his, and hopefully inspiring someone to make better choices, or to let people know that other people might be going through the same things, and that it might help guide them to not feeling so alone.

I have insecurities like others, and I’m not afraid to show that it’s very real. I think this is the most exposed that I’ve ever been, and it’s been the best choice that I’ve ever made. I’m the project, I’m finding the strength to fix what needs to be fixed for myself. I’ve also helped others find something in themselves to be better. This is all apart of what I love. Deeper connections with my fellow travelers in this world.

I’ve been spiritually, mentally, and physically weak. I’m in touch with people who have helped and are continually helping me too find the warrior inside myself. True confidence is replacing ego, and I generally seem to treat myself and others better because of it.

Saturday I go see my doctors for my eighth month check up. It’s going to be down in Tarzana, where I had my surgery. My young one’s have never been and are excited to see the place where it all happened. We’ll do a bit of exploring while we’re there, and it’ll be a good time.

Thank you for coming with me through this amazing voyage so far. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Welcome to My Funeral, I Think I’ll Be Late.

Well, I guess that is an unusual title, but it’s more about mindset than actually dying…good God, I’m not ready for that, yet. I never tried hard in school when I was a kid, I always skated by with B’s and C’s. As long as I passed was all my parent’s worried about.  Too bad, that I didn’t take it upon myself to do better. I should have done better for me.

All I cared about was having fun, or at least between the time I wasn’t getting bullied or feeling lonely. I had more friends than I thought at the time, and I did okay. I just wanted to have fun and not worry about school. My, how things have changed though. Determination, maturity, and a bit of desperation are great motivators to get the ball rolling.

So the first change came about the time I was thirteen, it was February 29th, 1992. It was that extra day in the year that brought me more trouble than I was expecting. I had been rejected by a girl I liked and it bothered me. I was being a kid, who didn’t pay attention to any of the signs on a road that I traveled down most days on my bike. I ran a stop sign and was ran into by an oncoming truck. Being a kid, who needed a helmet and pads, right? Nothing ever touches a kid, right?

I hit the front end of the truck and roll up on the hood, when the truck stops, I fly about ten feet, yards, I’m not even sure, because I don’t remember any of it. I just pick up bits after I wake up from my comma. So, I fly and hit my head on the asphalt. I suffer from severe head trauma. Broken bones, oh so many broken bones, scares and asphalt embedded into my hand to remind me that I’m a stupid kid.

After about three weeks of a medicated comma, I ended up in rehab to get my abilities to do everything back.  I took a chunk out of my femur bone and had to have a steel rod put in place to help it heel, I had a cast on the right arm I broke, and my hip was broken in two places. I forgot to mention that it was on my right side. Thank God for that because I’m a lefty. Always about silver linings. The thing that changed about me the most, according to my parents, was that I had a major personality change. I used to be a softy at heart, and very emotional. I was a kind person. At least that’s the story, I’ve been told. Things went in the complete opposite direction for me after that.

I’m not saying that I became mean, though I can get that way(if you’ve been following along since the first blog, then you might have heard me mention being bullied a few times), but I was a bit tougher. I’m kind of a cynic, and I have a very crass sense of humor. Mom told me it was like I went to the dark side.

Over all, I like the person I am. I think it’s toughened me up for what this world really is, but I do care about people. I just don’t like to put up with bullshit. I don’t think most people do. Any way, to continue on….

I had to fight to get my grades back up. I had to relearn how to use the bathroom. All that fun stuff that comes out of rehab. I made it though. Some people where glad I came back to school, others not so much, but I was changed.

When your young, you tend not to appreciate the fight, and as I went to high school, I started slacking again, but I did graduate on the first try, even with a couple of close calls. Then I moved to California and took a year off, before I went back. Part of that reason was because my parent’s said that if I took a year off, I won’t go back, and surly I had to prove them wrong, I mean that is the kind of person I am.

I went to school, fell in love with two girls, at the same time, and I choose the wrong girl to marry, but I didn’t know that at the time. It was an interesting time in my life, and I’m far better from that situation as a person. Choosing the wrong mate, put me through a time of hell, and I ended up being a broken person because of it.  That was when the second girl I fell in love with came back into my life. I suffered PTSD from that first marriage, but Sarah came back into my life and saved me. It wasn’t long before we were pregnant, and then married. Second chances don’t come along often, but I was blessed with that.

After that situation took place, I went back to school, but just got burnt out. I crammed the last month of school into a week and a half because I got a job on the Disney film Holes(2003). I kept up with school for about a year more before I decided to just work and be a family man.

I had tried to do a few classes like pharmacy tech, and then an accountant, but I hadn’t found any of that satisfying, so I worked until my break down at work that took me on an extended vacation for seventeen months. During that time I was soul searching and trying to figure out what I wanted to do in life.  Learning that I needed to make the smart decisions and go for “real jobs”, but I never was satisfied with that either. About half way into my suspension from work, I decided to follow my dream and go to film school. By this time, I finally figured out that I was smart enough to do this and I felt that this was what I was meant to do.

Thank God for that, or I wouldn’t be sitting here blogging about my life, and the things I learned. I wouldn’t be here communicating and trying to build a name for myself. Every like, follow, and subscriber is a check in the win column for me. I love what I’m trying to build. I’ve never been more passionate, except about Superheroes and Star Wars, but I do really love what I’m working towards. I do love writing, and I’ve found my prose(google it). I think it works for me. I appreciate that I have a great group of supporters, and fans. Who would have ever thought?

Remember, I’m Chris Keeling, and I’m the Director, and if you like everything I do, like, subscribe, leave some words…. I like words. This is a wrap until next time folks.

 

 

Thank You

As I get closer to graduating from Los Angeles Film School,  I want to take the time to thank everyone for their support.  I’ve also had a chance to hear from people saying that I’ve been an inspiration, and I also appreciate that as well.  I’ve always wanted to make a positive impact on those around me.  The journey that I’m on is full of uncertainty, but I’m looking forward to the challenge that it presents me.

Now that I’ve said thank you, let me also ask a favor from everyone.  If you watch my stuff, or read my stuff(I know some do both), then my favor is this, I’m trying to get exposure, and I want to have a more active interaction on the things I do. You like a video, comment on what you liked about it, hell tell me what you think could be improved, but if you do think it’s good, feel free to share, and tell people about my work. I want to make everyone feel as welcome as I’ve felt supported and loved.  There will be plenty of things coming out in various forms of media.  Watch and see the creative outlet explode.