Six Month Update

It’s amazing to realize that as of next Monday, I’ll officially be six months out post surgery from the Gastric Sleeve.  So, the status update is that I lost another 2.9 pounds. That puts me at 315.2, with my BMI at 45.2. It’s crazy to think that I’ve lost almost twenty percent body fat so far. Yet, I’m almost to the half way mark on this journey.

I’m still seeing my personal trainer two days a week. I’m a bit frustrated because I feel like I should be making better progress with my strength, yet I try to bust my ass every time I go. The heat and work, don’t really seem to help me there. Maybe, I’m not getting enough nutrition to help out?

So far, I’ve started the month on a good note, by getting those 10,000 steps in everyday, except today. I’m trying to take Sunday’s off as my day of rest. I’ll be up to pushing myself again. My current goal is to hit the 300 pound mark, and hopefully before my appointment on the seventy of July. Crazy that it’s the seven month mark.

Summer is here, and I’m sure we’re going to make a trip to the lake, or perhaps the beach or something this summer. Crazier is the fact that my kids have finished another year of school. Kids grow up so fast, it’s crazy. My son made me smile yesterday as he has me as his lock screen. It’s of me doing crunches, and he said that he’s proud of me. There’s a joy in the fact that children find pride in their parents. It makes things worth it.

Moving on to other business: So we’ve gone into pre-production on our next short. We’ve got the location scouted, and are writing up some descriptions for casting calls. We’re also doing some research on props for the said short, being that one prop is the center for one of the character’s motives. This will be going on soon enough, and I’m excited that we’re moving forward again. Plus, we should be moving forward with the conversion of the studio. I bought the first thing that was needed off of the list, and I should have some extras from converting my son’s room for part of the list.

I’ve been organizing my scripts and going through each of them. I’ll have to re-read some of them as that the transferring from one program to another has shifted things a bit. I’ve got like nine different projects going. It’s weird seeing them all as a list on one page, but it reminds me that the creative process is strong with me.

I’m liking the fact that I have other collaborators to work with. It’s great to have new ideas being brought forth. I can’t wait to get into working on them, but again, I do still have several projects going on at the same time, and I know that not all of those ideas have been put on the computer yet. So there will be more to come soon.

I need to start doing more on my CK Project documentary soon. I know that I’m going to be using the things that I’ve used as updates on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, and I’m going to be utilizing Snapchat a bit more. I just haven’t decided which project I want to use it for, either the motivation or the production company, hell I might do both, but I’m unsure yet.

Here’s some pics from yesterday’s appointment :6 month pics

This woman is my biggest supporter, and I don’t think I’d be nearly where I am if it wasn’t for her. I’m noticing the difference in my looks as well. Especially in the picture on the right. Plus my support and I have been together for eighteen years, this year. Her birthday is on Thursday, and she deserves to be celebrated.

Well, the work week is about upon us, so I leave these parting words for everyone. It can be a rough ride to be successful, but remember that all the hard work and patience will be worth it. I can’t think of a time where I have more ups then downs until this point in my life. Remember, don’t let the harsh words of others define you. I know that I spent a majority of my life feeling that way, and feeling less then. I’ve come to a maturity of self acceptance, and self love. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

P.S. This week, The CK Project on Facebook got more views from people I wasn’t expecting. Thank you for the support, as this journey gets bigger.

Feeling The Funk

Well, I’m down another 6.3 pounds for a total of 107.9 lost. While I’m happy to be at 322 pounds, I’ve been in kind of a mood lately. I want to say that it started yesterday, but truth is, I think that it’s been going on for a bit longer, or at least lingering at the back part of my mind. Hence why I haven’t blogged in about a week, but alas, I think I’m finally crawling out of that eternal hole of self pity and doubt.

Life has been good to me, and so much positivity has been coming my way for some time, but every once in a while, self-doubt comes into play. Thoughts that come through like am I ever going to be able to be successful? Am I really liked? Am I doing the right thing? These thoughts come into my head every once in a while, even when things are going so well.

Yes, I know that the answers to those questions are yes, but when dealing with depression, they can hit at any moment. At least I know how to deal with them better, these days. I appreciate those who I talked too and who understand and have been supportive. Some of them have been with me a very long time, and it’s nice to have that cushion of support when I need it. Those are the people who understand how you can feel all alone in a room full of people.

On to the more positive side of things, progress is being made in life, and I can’t wait until I can officially release details on what’s going on. The news that I’m receiving is up lifting and gives me hope for better things, but I don’t want to jinx it.

So, my personal trainer has been pushing me harder in my workout, and when I made up a day on Friday, I didn’t know what I was going to do. He pushed me through a circuit that about half way through the middle of my second round I didn’t think that I was going to make it. I had to dig down deep and push. My body was trying to convince me that I wasn’t going to make it through, and my mind was trying to tell my body that I could do it. I hate when the body and mind get into an argument, I don’t think it ever ends well for the spirit.

I’m starting to see the muscle definition in my arms. I still have a ways to go before I get those six pack abs. I’d love to have them, but I’m not in any hurry to obtain them. I feel like I’m still trying to get used to actually push myself into working out harder. Convincing myself has been even harder to do, but I’ll get there.

It seems that this month’s motivation to get in the steps has been a struggle for me this time. I know that with the heat coming in, I’m not prepared to deal with being drained of energy from this “dry” desert heat, but sure enough, it seems to happen every year. The worst part is that summer feels like it’s come early. I’d rather have a Westeros “Winter is coming”, to be honest. I prefer the colder weather over the heat.

I’m excited that the next prototype of the CK Project shirts are being developed. Once I get my hands on it and give it the final approval, I’ve already got people wanting to represent the Project, and I’m grateful for the love and support from them.

It’s an amazing feeling to be part of starting a movement, and I’ve had people tell me in private on how proud of me they were, and they plan on keeping watch for further developments. While I’m grateful, I do say that the best way to support me is to follow my content. Like and share what I’m doing. If it motivates you, let other’s know so that they can get motivated too. That’s the biggest and best way to show support.

Remember the weight is at 322 pounds at this moment. One of the most important things about this is the fact that I haven’ been this light since I was an extra in Disney’s Holes(2003). It’s a great feeling and I’m still not quite half-way there. Keep tuned to see what happens next. As always, this is the Director, and that’s a wrap.

 

 

Twelve Years To The Day

Today is my son’s twelfth birthday, and while I sit hear and reflect on the years he’s been in my life, I thought that I would dedicate this blog to him, on his day. I’m proud of the man he’s becoming, and I’ve loved watching the growth within him as a person. Here’s to the awesome person that he is:

At this time in my life, I was a young and recently new Realtor in the real estate business. I had gone on to get my license and thought that this was the what I was going to do the rest of my life. Sarah was babysitting and we were doing okay financially at the time. Autumn, my eldest daughter was an independent three year old, whom I was I thinking might be our only child. I would have been okay with that because, she’s an amazing kid, and I love her with all my heart.

Being new, maybe a couple of months in to starting my new career field, Sarah had told me that she was sensitive in her chest, that was when I told her to be careful for a few days and see if that issue would go away. After several days, we decided to go ahead and get her a pregnancy test, which was ended up positive. My good friend Terry had been hanging out with us that day. So, he got the news at the same time that I did.

Now, Sarah had hyperemesis, when she was pregnant the first time with Autumn. In layman terms means that she had nine months of twenty-four hour pregnancy sickness. We thought that this was going to be different, but Murphy’s law came into effect. I mean, why not? It wasn’t like we were trying to get our lives together and my career was already set, but yes, it was worse than the our first pregnancy. Sarah ended up losing her job, and I was at the hospital with her almost the whole time. What a training regiment that ended up being for me as a Realtor.

Fast forward to January 28th, 2006- At around midnight we get to the hospital and by five-twenty-four, our little boy was born. That was the fastest birth I’d ever witnessed, and he had come six weeks earlier than expected. He stayed in the maternity ward for three weeks. This was a hard time in life, but I was glad to have my son, and Autumn got to go in and hold her baby brother as well.

Another jump in time, and I’ve got to say that Christopher Alexander Keeling II is a special boy. No, it’s not just because he’s my son, but on his own he shows so much more than I could ever expect from a young man. We discovered that he was Autistic when he was six years old. That explained the quarks we didn’t think anything of at that time in his life. He also has a learning delay, yet, he has a brilliant mind. Some of the things he says blows my mind that a kid his age would even think about.

One of the things we share is a love of music, at the age of two, he was into Sinatra and the whole crooner thing. He also has a love of Queen, which was something he reacted too while still in the womb. He loves his video games, wrestling, and super heroes. His favorites are the Flash and the Hulk. Very different characters, from the opposite sides of the spectrum.

What I personally think is awesome is how supportive he’s been, especially in my well being. He makes sure to check to see if I’m eating okay, reminds me to exercise, and he’s been supportive of my school journey as well. He’s even fascinated with wanting to help with the film company, which he’s ran the camera for me on a few little things here and there. He even filmed a shot for Nash Gray.

Sure, we play video games together and, enjoy our music and movies. However it’s the fact that he’s so health conscious that really fascinates me. He doesn’t eat a lot of junk, and he’s giving up on soda. He really is a supporter of his dad getting healthy and living a long life.

Even though he has Asperger’s, he’s well liked among his peers, and our family friends, think he’s awesome. I’m proud of the man he’s becoming, because he show’s concern for other’s, and I’m amazed by the progress he’s gone through in his academic life. I love my children, and I’m glad that I can celebrate his day with him. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

6 Days to Sundown

I’m  remaining vigilant about the liquid diet, and it’s not completely easy. Since I had my protein shake at three-thirty this morning, by seven, I was starting to feel a bit shaky. Once I started drinking my tea, it helped. I was glad to have hot tea as it was very cold and windy outside, and I felt the cold biting through my clothes today.

I guess that the mental part is that I would like more than I’m consuming, but I’m doing my best to get by through the temptations(and I see snack food everywhere). I’m stronger for it by not being as tempted as I could be. I’ve been known not to have any willpower, that is my cross to bare, and yet I seem to be succeeding it so far. I’m so close that I know the journey is worth it. The best support is the enormous support I’m receiving from the people around me.

I’ve been told that I should find a support group for when this is done. A fellowship of like experienced people usually is the way to find strength and are a good resource of information. I’m fortunate to have friend who have gone through this process before, and the love I have will help me prevail.

Shit though, time is going by at a fast pace. I can’t even believe that it’s this close until the day. All I can do is hope and pray that everything goes smooth. That’s what I want because it feels like my future seems to be taking off, and there are way too many projects that I need to get working on. My purpose in life is going on now, and I can’t wait to share the gift with other people.

This is the director and that’s a wrap.

Forward March

Wow! In seven months I get to call myself a graduate from Film School.  I will have my Bachelors of Science in Digital Filmmaking, and I’m about ready to have an office, since plans kind of fell through with the other place.  Life is good!  All I need now is a few more shots for my B-roll of my documentary, and it’s been suggested that I might consider applying for a Film Festival.  These are the moments that I love.  It seems like a validation of all my hard work, and I couldn’t be more excited on what the future has in store for me.

I have some friends, who are about to deal with the one year anniversary of their son’s tragic death… things have really changed in this past year.  I think I appreciate the people in my life more.  Even if we aren’t close, I seem to wish that they have safe travels and hope that they arrive back safely.  Life is too short to let negative things get in the way, and if there is anything I’ve learned, it’s too treat people better, because you never know how they may change your life.

We started this local Geek group called The Geeks of the IWV last August in response to the celebration of his life.  I thought it was a good way to help my friends mourn, and to help deal with their grief.  I never thought that this whole process would change me as well.  I feel that I’ve become a better person, a better friend, and more positive about life.  I love my kids so much more than I ever thought I did.  I love my wife more because she’s supported me.  My friends have also seen a difference in the way I handle things.  With this group, I’ve been able to network so much better than I ever thought possible.

I think tragedy can become triumph in the end.  The tragedy itself never goes away, and I in no means, say that to cheapen what’s happened, but I think it can lead to self discovery.  When I had my suicidal melt down and work, I needed help, and I was able to find that help through a professional.  The tragedy that hit me at the time was that friends, and family members had suffered suicide in their lives. Around that time, there were five people that I had heard committed the act.  I knew one of the people locally,  he was a hip=hop dance instructor  at the gym I was going too at the time.  When I found out what happened I became morose because I felt like if I had the chance to talk to him, he would have known that he wasn’t alone.  We connected over our fondness of hip-hop and talked about trying to choreograph some dance moves to a Michael Jackson song or two.  His death really impacted me.

Human connection is important.  I try to pay attention to what people wear when I see them at my job, and it often times leads to conversations, and friendships.  I’ve become acquainted with so many people by noticing the lanyard they wear around their necks.  If it’s a sports team, we’ll start talking about sports, and we talk about favorite players, and teams that we like.  The one that gets the most attention is when someone wears either comic book characters or video games.  Those usually spark the best conversations  and I’ve made a good set of friends because of it.  It’s funny what you can learn about someone if you pay attention to what they wear.

I had a conversation with my little brother today, and I think that I finally summed up my goals in life.  I told him that it’s hard work building an empire, and that’s what I feel like I’m doing.  I want to do movies, music, podcasting, and on top of all of that, I want to have the accessibility to show that I’m there to support those who can’t handle mental illness. Sometimes, there doesn’t seem to be any options than to end their lives.  All I can say to that is- I’m here, you’re not alone, I love you.  Don’t let the darkness be the answer, because there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel.  I know that it doesn’t seem like it, or that the light is too far to see, but endure, fight through it…you’ll come out stronger in the end.

These are things that I’m more passionate about now.  I’m getting the tools to help lend a voice to the unanswered, and I plan on using it to help.  My creativity is there to help entertain and maybe even be thought provoking at times.  Life’s hard, and I’m the first to admit that I’ve wanted to quit.  I almost have, more times than I would care to admit.  My depression hit me hard because I felt like I was stuck in a spot that I wasn’t happy in.  I had set plans to leave everything behind because I couldn’t deal with being stuck.  Life was closing in around me.  Now I’m moving forward to a bright future.  I’m not stuck anymore, and the momentum is carrying me along a new path.  Somedays it moves very quickly, than other days, I wonder if I’m still moving, but forward is always ahead of me.

While I’m not going to mention names of my friends who lost their son,  I do want to leave a thought on the eve of the anniversary: I love you and your family.  My heart goes out to you in your time of suffering.  I’ve seen growth from both of you in this past year, and I think you’ll learn to manage with your loss better as time goes.  Your eldest left a giant hole in the lives of everyone who had the fortune of knowing him.  I wish that I could have known him better than the chance that I had.  By the time my family and I had entered into your lives the way we did, he had already became a working man who was busy with school and work.  The time I did share with him was great because we geeked out about the same things.  Just know that there isn’t a day that you two don’t cross my mind, and I’m always going to be here for you.