Ending A Year: 2018

This year ends on positive, and negative notes. This year has been a great year for me. I’ve gone through so many changes both physically and mentally. I’m down 146 pounds, and I’ve had so much positivity that’s come out my way. The support is over whelming, and I’m finishing the year feeling blessed and thankful for the support.

Contradiction is a part of life. You can be happy and mad, nervous and excited. This is part of the complexity of human emotion. I’ve had been supportive to as many people as I could and with that, I’ve also had friends who have gone through loss, or the struggling with family members with poor health, my wife has been included with that.

To those whom are going through these tough times. My heart, love, and positive thoughts are being sent your way. I know that if there was anything more that I could do to help that I would. I’m aware that the support is sometimes enough, but watching the conflict, and the battling of keeping yourself together isn’t always the easy thing in life. Know that as you struggle, I’ve been paying attention, and I’m here to lend a hand in help.

To my wife, I love you, and it’s hard to see you struggle through the pains that have been plaguing you for the last several months. I’m doing my best to try and show you the support to get you through your aches and pains. It’s not always easy as I sometimes get the frustrations taken out towards me. I know that you don’t mean it, and I wish that I could be able to take your pain away. I hope that this part of our journey in life is just a short chapter in our long lives together.

I keep going and staying positive, because that helps me. I know that it’s not always easy in these trying times. It’s a partnership, and sometimes the balance shifts to one side more than the other. Thee was a long time that Sarah had to be the strong one and help get me through the hard times. Now that things are in reverse, all I can do is be the strong one. Sometimes it seems like the impossible, but it’s necessary to be done. “Through sickness and in health”, becomes clearer in those times. The easy thing to do is quit and run away, and there are times where it looks like the better way to go. Yet, I look at everything I put the beautiful woman in my life through, and she’s been to hell and back because of me.

As I look at what she’s going through, I start to see why there are so many people who looses the functions of their body parts, and why they become angry and bitter. Be there, that’s all any of us can do. Show the love and support, sometimes just knowing that there’s a caring person is enough to help get people through the rough times.

The time that we have on this earth is far too short in the end. We need to try and uplift each other, and take care of our fellow life forces. Sometimes things suck, and the best thing to do is make things seem a bit less sucky because we never know when it’ll be the end for us.

To those of you who are struggling, some of you I’m aware of because we’ve talked, other’s I might not know, because there could be shame there. No judgements from me, but if you tell me, I’ll do my best to know that you’ve got someone routing for you. Those who’ve lost loved ones. I’ve known those loved ones and my heart goes out to you because of it. With that, this is the director and that’s a wrap.

“With A Little Help From My Friends”

An amazing part of a good support system can be found in your friends. This is usually a fine line to skate because you don’t really know who your true friends are until the rough times come along. There’s been a few times where I’ve been in a shitty spot, and I’ve seen who my real friends are. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve not always been the best person, to some of my friends.

I still associate with people who only seem to hit me up when they need something. It’s sad that they don’t always just want to say hi, and se how I’m doing, but I’m always hoping for the best in people, and sometimes that’s my down fall. That reality hits when trying to help someone better their situation, but then they don’t take the assistance. Often times that becomes a hard pill to swallow, as I’ve realized that I can’t save everyone.

Then the often tragic results end with showing waisted potential and a future of promise getting flushed down the toilet. Hard pill to swallow indeed. I guess that happens to be because I read too many comics, and I might have a white knight in shining armor….I really don’t know, but I want to help people.

The best feeling is when people reach out and tell me that I’ve been an inspiration to them. I’m glad people decide to better themselves. It’s rewarding to hear that people see that I can do it, and they want to have that same feeling of accomplishment. I think it keeps me, or hell, it probably puts me in a place to be humble. That’s something I hadn’t always been. I used to have this feeling of entitlement, and that I was owed something. I can’t even remember why I was that way, or how things changed….

The best feelings that I’ve been getting since my surgery is when people seem to not recognize me. Having a sense of humor, there’s often banter about how I need to get smaller clothes because what I’m wearing is looking way to big on me. It’s rewarding to know that other’s pay attention to my work, and cheer me on. It’s an even better feeling that my own personal feelings on how I’m starting to feel in my body.

I had a friend go through the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy  surgery a couple of days ago. I’m proud of the progress she went through, even before the surgery. Her name is Terri and her blog is https://changingtodaytolivetomorrow.wordpress.com. We meet in October of last year at a Society of Creative Anachronism event called Great Western War. She’s a sweet lady, and amazing cook! With us both being heavy set, we found common struggles, and we also geek out together a bit.

I’m giving huge shout outs to the people who are looking to better their health, and being told that I was apart of that decision, makes me happy. For those who are doing this, I have a project for you: Send me your before pics, and send up follow up pics so that people can join in and be apart of your support system. I’m going to be one of your biggest advocates, and I come with a shit ton of people who I’m sure will be willing to get behind your progress.

Even if you don’t feel comfortable about documenting your own progress, if you want- I’m willing to help out there. This weight loss journey has changed my life around so much, and I’ve grown as a person and so many positive things have happened because of it. It’s amazing, you’re amazing, and this will be the most amazing journey that you’ll ever take! I got you there.

If you want to get the kind of exposure that I’m getting and are doing something to get yourself out there, send me a message and I’ll do all I can to help boost your signal too. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.