Quarantine Mother’s Day

They are the first person we ever have a connection with. They are they first person that we find trust and security in. They are the hardest and most under appreciated workers that we’ll ever meet. As the title says, I’m thanking and appreciating the mom’s.

Through out my life, I’ve known some of the most amazing mother’s out there. The woman who raised me being one. The woman who risked her life to provide me with my two favorite humans. The compassion that these woman have shown, as well as other mother’s in my life, is inspiring.

This year is a banner year for many mother’s this because of epidemic that the world faces. What is often taken for granted is for once looked upon as a morose time because not everyone is able to see their mother’s. The event’s of this year has brought light to many things that we had often took for granted.

Going back, I have a mother, with whom I reconnected with about ten-or-so years ago. It was nice to actually talk to the woman who had given birth to me. We have common interests, and I was also able to meet my half-siblings. It was my sister who had reached out to me through Myspace and we had started a relationship. I’m not close to any of them, and I’ll be honest, I feel that it’s been more on me than anyone else. I have tried to be a good big brother when they had gone through issues, and I’ve tried to be a supportive son. Unfortunately, I’d been living my life without them for so long that it gets hard to put into perspective my emotions about how I feel.

I do think about them, and I know that I should reach out more often, and I think at some point soon, I will do exactly that. It’s just hard when certain realities start coming into the forefront of how things might have played out in the relationship between my parents. That’s something that I’m not going to get into though.

I have the step-mother who raised me. Truth is, she’s my mom. I’ve known her my whole life, and then she’s the one who was there through my accident, my dark times, and my good times. She taught me what it was to be a decent person. I have so much gratitude for this woman, who’s also loved my dad for her whole life.

For Sarah, the woman who I’ve spent most of my adult life with. I have so much that I can, and need to say about this woman. She picked me up when I was a broken shamble of a man. She helped me heal from one of the worst relationships that I had ever had, and she saw me at my lowest. She’s also seen me at my best. She’s been the woman to decide that I would be worthy enough to have not one, but two of the most awesome children that I’ve ever known.

She’s the one person who seems to know me better than most. Often times, I find her frustrating because of that, but at the same time I’ve been blessed to have her by my side throughout the years. One thing is that our relationship has gone through some rough waters, and the dichotomy of our relationship is evolving. Now, as I’m getting better, her health has been failing, and I’m constantly having to learn how to “up my game” in support.

That’s one thing that I’ve always tried to do, support her, in every endeavor that’s she’s wanted to do. I support her love of photography, and have always wanted to see her flourish in that as a profession. As we’ve been doing films, she’s come to find a love for special effects make-up, and she’s really good. The proof is in the fact that she put a bruise on her arm and I’m getting a message asking if I had hurt her. The proof is in the fact that when we’ve done test footage, I’m getting questions asking about what happened to me, and if I was okay.

She’s the toughest woman I know, because she stays by me, even if I don’t think that she should have. She’s learning to deal with her deteriorating health, and still be a good mother, and wife to me. All while she’s trying to get her professional certificate in behavioral science.

I’m just a father, I know that isn’t something to sneeze at, because I’m a decent father, but I don’t feel that I’ve had to put in the effort for the demands that the kids put on her. If they need something, she’s the one they call on. As a husband and a man, I’m certain that I also put the same demands as the kids do.

Again, I’m a father, I feel like I’m the fun one. Yet at the same time, I know that I’m the one looked too to keep discipline in the house. If the kids cause trouble, I’m the one who has to the attitudes in check. There had been many nights that I had been texted with emotions on not being home and the kids misbehave. It’s been pointed out that it’s unfair that is what happens most nights. I see the frustrations in her face, and in her voice when Little Chris has gotten over stimulated, and had a melt down.

I can’t even begin to imagine how it is for the single parents. I tip my hat, because child rearing is one of the most difficult, emotional, often times frustrating things to do in life. So for those who end up pulling double duty, I salute you. It’s hard enough being a father, but when having to take the responsibilities of what mom does is a challenge.

I know that there’s been times that Sarah was sick and I would have to take on the chores of keeping the little humans alive. It’s difficult, and she makes it look easy. I did alright, I mean I still have all my children. It just makes me appreciate the fact that a mother’s job is a lot of work. I couldn’t have asked for a better partner in this adventure.

If you still have your mother in your life, give her a call and tell her that you appreciate her for everything she’s done for you. If you have a wife, or a significant other, who does the child rearing, let them know that you appreciate everything they do for your children, and for you. It usually goes hand-in-hand.

Anyway, thank you again for all that you do, moms. I remember a quote from the movie The Crow(1994) and it goes, “mother is the word for God, on the lips of children”, and how profound a comic book movie could say something like that. It’s a great movie, and has some great lines like that. “Mother is the word for God, on the lips of children”. That line has always stuck with me, and I think that it applies more weight now, that I’m a father, and I see how my children are towards their mother.

It’s not always easy to have a family. There are often fights, tears, emotions, that come with raising children. Parent’s aren’t always going to see eye-to-eye, but this has been an amazing journey and two-and-a-half of the best decisions I’ve ever been apart of. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk and we will get through this difficult time in life.

I’m the director, and that’s a wrap.

The Position Changes

There are things that happen in a relationship that can change the dynamic. I know that a I’ve talked about how the ideal relationship that’s supposed be fifty-fifty isn’t usually the way things are, and my relationship has never been that. The most beautiful part of my relationship is the fact that I have this wonderful support system that’s been formed as a part of it. I have the most loving and supportive wife, and a great set of kids that do the same.

As I’ve had my struggles with mental health and being overweight, the brunt of a lot of our relationship has been placed on her. No, I don’t think that it’s fair, but it happened that way. Now that I’ve been in a better place, things have come up that have caused me to have to pick up the slack. Sarah was officially diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease in November of last year, and we are still discovering everything that is related to her health issues.

We discovered that she doesn’t have Rheumatoid Arthritis, so that is a check in the win column. There were other things that came up in her results that had left me more questions then answers. I also know that we are in for a long journey to get her to where she can deal with her issues in a better manor.

One of the great things is that I do have a support system, and they’ve reached out to me, too help be a support system for her. People that I’ve known longer than I’ve known her, have talked to me personally about it, some who have to deal with Crohn’s themselves. That was the most touching thing that happened while at work.

Relationships, aren’t fifty-fifty, and I think that when the majority shifts in the other direction, that’s what shows what a relationship is truly made of. You see these examples all over Hollywood. Look at Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, as soon as the popularity switched, they were done as a couple. If you explore the net, I’m sure you could find so many more examples, I just don’t have time right now.

Back to the fifty-fifty though: I’m not sure how I’m doing with this change in dynamic. I want to say that this has been the easiest transition, but it hasn’t. It’s been hard to deal with the frustrations that come with Sarah’s problems. I get frustrated because I can’t do much to help her as her joints ache and her body swells. She can’t grip things like she used to and then the frustration of that gets projected on the rest of the family.

I understand her being pissed off because her hands don’t work as well as they used too. I understand that most of the time she doesn’t feel well. I’m frustrated and pissed off for the same reasons, but it’s hard when that energy gets directed in a different direction. I’m trying to be strong for her, but it doesn’t always work out that way.

It’s put some insecurities on me, but I’m overcoming any traces of depression. My frustrations with the situation has caused me to want to quit. I haven’t because I view it as a pretty shitty move, especially since she’s been there for me through everything. I want to help, but most of the time I feel helpless because I know that I can’t just make everything better.

I think that the recent switch in shifts is going to help out so much. I know that it’s helped put me in a better mindset, and that with recent news not going the way I was hoping, I’ve been able to handle everything fairly well. I’m not letting this stuff keep me down, and I hope that all her news won’t keep her down.

I know that while we are dealing with this, other things in life tend to get in the way, i.e. children going through puberty and getting attitude with the hormones. Me, not getting the promotion, us still dealing with the aftermath of the Earthquakes and the aftershocks that keep coming. Yet, we remain vigilant. We will overcome.

John Lennon put a line in his song, Beautiful Boy, and it says that “life is what happens to you, when you’re busy making other plans”. I’ve quoted this line before, and it’s probably one of the most relevant things ever to speak to me, and it’s so true. In the end, we will overcome, we will survive. I’ll do my best to love and support my wife for as long as we are allowed, I just know that it isn’t easy.

I remain diligent on my weight loss journey, and my self care is just as important as it ever was, because if I don’t take care of myself, I’m gonna be useless to my family, even with their own issues.

I leave you with this final thought: We all have a journey that we take in life, we all represent something that we stand for. Some people take this serious, some don’t care for how they represent themselves. My own representation has evolved over the years, as I was toxic to myself, more than others. I had close minded ideology, and I needed to change. I now represent positivity, and stand for physical and mental health. The uplifting of others is how I choose to present myself to others as well.

As always, this is the is the director and that’s a wrap.