Fireworks in The Air

Aww, the sound of colorful gun powder blowing up in the air! A day that seventeen years ago, fundamentally changed me as a man. The fourth of July is a day of celebration, for many it’s a day to recognize the independence our country got. To me, it’s the day that my oldest child gains another year of life on this earth.

Let me take you back into time, before I really needed to go on the weight loss journey, before I turned into the man that people know today. As a matter of fact let me take you back to the year 2000….

At this point in my life, I was separated from my soon to be annulled significant other. Sure, we’re only married for 6 months, but my experiences with her makes her a significant part of my life. I had been in my new job, at the time for just over a month. We’re seeing more money than ever, but her problem was that I was always gone out of town for work.

A good part of my job was the fact that I got to work with my father. This was a great experience, because I really got to know him, and bound with him with the many hours on the road, going from job to job. It took us from this small town to places like Bakersfield, Ca, which wasn’t really a stretch, but it took us to Seattle, Wa and Denver, Co.  See, this is were the ex was having problems, and needless to say we ended up splitting up after all was said and done.

One of the things that I didn’t completely realize at that time was that I ended up becoming broken in this abusive relationship. It was mostly verbal, and on both sides. When it was all said and done, I was a suffering in a way I couldn’t comprehend.

Sure, we tried to have kids, but the mental games that were played just didn’t help when she had told me that she “miscarried”. At this point, I was just numb to everything that she would use to try and hurt me. This incident happened on my first trip to Seattle. I had gotten a cell phone and was using it too call her. When she laid the news on me, but I didn’t feel anything since this was the umpteenth time that something like this was used to hurt me.

Court wasn’t pleasant, but afterward I had found comfort and safety in the arms of my now wife Sarah. She got with me, helped put my pieces back together, and somehow we ended up creating this wonderful child, who is both my pride and joy, and the pain in my ass. I love her though.

The good thing about Autumn is that she is a smart girl, and she doesn’t go out and make poor choices. The bad thing about Autumn is that she’s a smart girl, and has a time or two called me out on my bullshit. This can be frustrating at times, since she’s seen me at my lowest point as well.

No matter where we are in our complicated relationship of father and daughter, I will always be proud of her being my child, and I’m even more so about the woman she’s becoming and the goals that she’s setting for herself. It’s incredible to see her evolution as a person. Finding her place in this world, watching her “fan girl” over anything Disney. The child that matches me in wit and challenges me to look at my own self.

As she reaches into her seventeenth year, and starts the last leg of her high school years, I’ve been trying to think of what advice I would give her(if she reads this). Remember that you’ve got a good head on your shoulders, trust your instincts. Figure out what you truly want to do with your life. Go with your instincts. I spent too much of my life listening to what other’s thought would be best, and it took me too long to go for what my heart desired.

I love you, yes I know you think I have to say that because I’m your dad, but it’s true. I have you and your brother, and you two are the most important people to me. You’ve filled my life and helped to give it purpose. I’m sorry that I haven’t always been the best dad, there’s no instructions on how to be spot on every time. Know that even in my darkest of times, I’ve always wanted the best for you.

So with that, I wish my kid a happy seventeenth birthday, and will be happy to celebrate it with her. This is the director, and thinking of were the hell did the time go? That’s a wrap.

Outside’s Gonna Melt Your Face, But I’m Feeling Fine.

The summer heat is cooking, and with this weather last year everyday felt like the scene from Raiders of the Lost Art,  in where the Nazi’s open the Ark of the Covenant, and their faces melt off. However, I’ve come prepared more for the heat this year then I have been in the past several years. Where being on the job in years past, my back would be a sweaty water fall, it’s now just a trickle. I do still think that the heat sucks, but at least I don’t feel like I’m about to die everyday.

I did my two week weigh–in on Friday, and discovered myself down another three-point-one pounds. I’ve discovered that that’s about what I’ve been averaging for the last few months, is about three to four pounds every two weeks. That’s not bad considering that one to two pounds a week is what would be classified normal. Looking at pants sizes of the biggest at fifty-four, and looking at the waist of a forty-two, is a big difference.

That brings my total down one hundred-twenty-one-point-two pounds. I joke and say that I’ve lost my wife in weight. It’s about true, and I’m good with that. I still get those moments of being nervous of being caught in a stall. Especially since the hundred-plus weather isn’t helping my motivation at all. I also went for a walk on Thursday after work, and discovered that I had burnt the top of my head on the walk.36329976_2091643187757945_3984035268909858816_o

I took the above picture on my phone on that Thursday around six-thirty in the evening. I like how the shadows give a bit of a serious look. As I walk, I think about anything and everything. I realized that this is my meditation, as I’m always in my head when I walk. I guess you could say that this is my time at “church”. A time where I have conversations with God. I know that it gives me the chance to just walk, and not think about the physical activity that I’m doing.

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This is the best I’ve felt in a long time. I took this for my weigh-in update photo for the social media. When I saw the scale read three-hundred-eight-point-seven pounds, it’s truly a great feeling. I haven’t been this light, since my oldest child was born, and that was seventeen years ago. The changes, both physically and mentally are incredible. My body is getting closer to my self-image.

It’s incredible to think that as I get ever closer to my fortieth year in life, that I have finally taken control back of who I am. It feels that I let most of my twenties and thirties kind of keep me down, and dictate my uncontrollable self. A feeling of helplessness and hatred for the decisions that I was making. I was lashing out at myself because I let myself get a certain way. I have that control now. I’m not letting life pass me by. I’m finding that strength and happiness that I deserve as a person.

Speaking of goals, I have a few updates about the other parts of my life. One, we are almost ready to go full ahead and film our short The Reunion, that’s the official title of what was previously known as The Dialogue. I’m excited to be working with the casted individuals, as one of them has worked with me, and for me in other projects before. Plus the new blood joining us really seems to be like a good guy as well. I can’t wait to get started so that we can get this one in the “can” and continue on with the other things we’re planing on doing.

The other news, is related to the Geekultural Experience. I’ve been talking to a writer on Tumblr about checking out his Manga and this will be one of those I’ll do a review on for my geek media. I think this is the start of something that could help boost his, and our brands together and I look forward to seeing what other connections that I’ll be doing through the various platforms of social media.

As a reflection of the what’s going on in my personal life: My oldest child will be seventeen years old this Wednesday, and I’m both proud, and surprised by this fact. She’s grown into a beautiful person, and she’s made me very proud of the accomplishments that she’s set for herself. She also makes me feel incredibly old because she is turning seventeen, but I look forward to spending the day with her and watching the fireworks, because she shares the day with the birth of our country’s independence.

Well, this is the Director with another blog, and that’s a wrap.