Feeling The Funk

Well, I’m down another 6.3 pounds for a total of 107.9 lost. While I’m happy to be at 322 pounds, I’ve been in kind of a mood lately. I want to say that it started yesterday, but truth is, I think that it’s been going on for a bit longer, or at least lingering at the back part of my mind. Hence why I haven’t blogged in about a week, but alas, I think I’m finally crawling out of that eternal hole of self pity and doubt.

Life has been good to me, and so much positivity has been coming my way for some time, but every once in a while, self-doubt comes into play. Thoughts that come through like am I ever going to be able to be successful? Am I really liked? Am I doing the right thing? These thoughts come into my head every once in a while, even when things are going so well.

Yes, I know that the answers to those questions are yes, but when dealing with depression, they can hit at any moment. At least I know how to deal with them better, these days. I appreciate those who I talked too and who understand and have been supportive. Some of them have been with me a very long time, and it’s nice to have that cushion of support when I need it. Those are the people who understand how you can feel all alone in a room full of people.

On to the more positive side of things, progress is being made in life, and I can’t wait until I can officially release details on what’s going on. The news that I’m receiving is up lifting and gives me hope for better things, but I don’t want to jinx it.

So, my personal trainer has been pushing me harder in my workout, and when I made up a day on Friday, I didn’t know what I was going to do. He pushed me through a circuit that about half way through the middle of my second round I didn’t think that I was going to make it. I had to dig down deep and push. My body was trying to convince me that I wasn’t going to make it through, and my mind was trying to tell my body that I could do it. I hate when the body and mind get into an argument, I don’t think it ever ends well for the spirit.

I’m starting to see the muscle definition in my arms. I still have a ways to go before I get those six pack abs. I’d love to have them, but I’m not in any hurry to obtain them. I feel like I’m still trying to get used to actually push myself into working out harder. Convincing myself has been even harder to do, but I’ll get there.

It seems that this month’s motivation to get in the steps has been a struggle for me this time. I know that with the heat coming in, I’m not prepared to deal with being drained of energy from this “dry” desert heat, but sure enough, it seems to happen every year. The worst part is that summer feels like it’s come early. I’d rather have a Westeros “Winter is coming”, to be honest. I prefer the colder weather over the heat.

I’m excited that the next prototype of the CK Project shirts are being developed. Once I get my hands on it and give it the final approval, I’ve already got people wanting to represent the Project, and I’m grateful for the love and support from them.

It’s an amazing feeling to be part of starting a movement, and I’ve had people tell me in private on how proud of me they were, and they plan on keeping watch for further developments. While I’m grateful, I do say that the best way to support me is to follow my content. Like and share what I’m doing. If it motivates you, let other’s know so that they can get motivated too. That’s the biggest and best way to show support.

Remember the weight is at 322 pounds at this moment. One of the most important things about this is the fact that I haven’ been this light since I was an extra in Disney’s Holes(2003). It’s a great feeling and I’m still not quite half-way there. Keep tuned to see what happens next. As always, this is the Director, and that’s a wrap.

 

 

-101.6, Say What?

Okay, this was the day I have been waiting for, that scale to finally tell me that I hit the triple digits with a loss. So, I feel great, amazing, excited by the fact that I haven’t been close to this weight since 2003. I’ve got a smile that can’t be beat.101.6

One of the most fantastic and odd feelings is the fact that as I do better, I want to push harder to do even better. Think of that statement, and isn’t that an odd thing to think about? Wouldn’t you think slowing down would be a better idea? Why burn yourself out like that? Yet, that’s the shit that motivates me. I’m losing inches, I’m gaining energy, and my drive to get things done is even stronger. This is what excites me, and I want to share this experience with others too.

I remember when I didn’t have a drive to do anything. It was where I would just want to come home after work and sit. I would zone out the rest of the night watching television, or I would play video games. At that time, I would feel better that I could rest my muscles and not hurt as much for my next day at work. This would also be the time that I would take ten steps and start huffing and puffing out of breath.

I can’t really imagine living that way anymore. Sure, I have days that I’m a bit lax on my steps and other movements, but most of the time, I’m on the go. That’s the way I choose to live my life now. I love my video games, but I don’t have the time that I used to for them. I’m sure I’ll spend a day or two here or there playing the new Spider-man or the new Red Dead Redemption 2, but if I’m not working on myself,  I’m working on my brands, and that is my life.

I live the hustle, why? Because I want to succeed in life at the profession of choice. These last four years was the journey of self discovery. I finally grabbed the “brass ring” and decided to run with it. I found the career that I wanted. It did take a bit longer for me to decide that I wanted to live, and now that I made that decision, I’m getting the life I wanted. I’m not trapped in a body that I never felt was mine, and now I’m happy.

I’ve found my motivation for my health, both physically and mentally. I found the motivation to go for what I wanted to do in life, and I continue to strive to get to the point that this will be my livelihood. Too many people are scared to pursue what they really want in life, and choose the “safe route”. It works for people, but are they really happy? Is there where they saw themselves in life as a child? When did we stop being the dreamers that we were of our youth?

I believe that our mistakes are the guidance that we need to make to find ourselves. Otherwise we continue to make those same damn mistakes. Sometimes, we have to go through several mistakes before we get there. I can remember at least three times, where shit hit the fan, and I hit rock bottom. That’s where the depression, magnifies the feelings of helplessness. These events define who we are as people.

The first time was February 29, 1992. This was the time that I had gotten into an accident on my bike, because I wasn’t paying attention. I think I had a hard time that day because I had gotten rejected by a girl I liked that day, or something along those lines. I suffered sever head trauma, that caused me to have a slow down in my thought process. I had to fight to get back to normal. As a matter of fact, I came back, better, and stronger.

The second time was when I was married to my ex-wife. This was a marriage of fuckery from the day she said, “I do.” Suffering complex PTSD from this relationship, thought me two things: One was not to be so trusting with people, and two how to forgive. It’s this second one that took me many years after to finally understand, I ran into my ex about seven years after we split, and I forgave her. I didn’t do it for her, but for myself. I think that this moment helped me grow into a more mature adult.

The third event that would change things, was my meltdown at work. The lesson here was that I needed help. I needed the help because I tend to bottle up everything inside until it gets too much to handle and I explode. Getting that help, got me too the point where I am now.

These moments define who I am as a person. I get that not everyone can get on the Chris Keeling band wagon, and that’s fine. I’m glad that going through life, has given me the momentum to become a tool for advice. I’m glad to use the talents to guide others, and I’m far more able to connect with people, in a way that I’ve never been able to before.

This is the Director, and that’s a wrap.

That Mortal Kombat Place Did What To My Arms?

Let’s start out with my weight loss journey. As of my last blog, I was down ninety-five pounds, and since my last blog, I started working out with a my friend and trainer, Sam Basco, over at Flawless Victory MMA. This is going to be an adventure….

To start out, yes, I hurt, and no I don’t need ice to help the boo boos. Sam’s training me at a half hour at a time, and I feel like I suck as a person, and weak, but that’s always in a good way. Why, do you ask? Because I suck and I’m weak(joking). He’s pushing me, and making sure I do proper form. I think that might just be the trick: doing the proper movements, so that you don’t cheat yourself out of the work out. It helps that he’s a trusted friend and he’s pushing me to that next level.

Speaking of that next level, can we say hello beach bod? The speedo is coming out(not really). This is going to be a process, but I’m going to make it, it’s just going to take time. I did a set of Deadlifts for the first time on Monday, and I must say that it felt a bit weird clinching my back into the proper position. However, I also know that this is going to get me to lose that extra to make the one hundred pound mark, which I haven’t been worried about, but getting there faster and becoming stronger is a highlight.

One of the things I did today, which is a common exercise, but I really do suck at, is the almighty push up. Two sets of twenty? Not this guy, but I did it, even in the most simplistic way possible. Today was mostly upper body, and my arms are feeling a bit like jelly. Thank you for kicking my ass Sam. I really do appreciate it. My body might not, but I do, and I know that it’ll get better in the end.

So far this week, from Monday too now, I have averaged 11,826 steps. That also means that I’ve burned 2,539 calories, and that’s just by walking. I’d say that was a strong way to start this week off. I also think that this is the fire I need to get going stronger.

The biggest problem with what’s going on is the heat and the ninety degree weather. Living here in the desert, the heat just drains all the energy, and I know that’s something I’m going to have to contend with for the next several months. As a matter of fact, I ended up falling asleep at seven-thirty last night, just to wake up at eleven to take my shower. Being a person who works outside for about ten hours a day, I know that this heat makes me tired, and unmotivated. I can’t let that happen anymore. I’ve got to keep the motivation going.

I plan on pushing to see if I can get a solid week of ten thousand steps. I’m sure I can do it, and I’m determined to see where it goes from here. I also get to take my son to the gym this weekend and see how he does. It’ll be exciting to see if it’s something that he gets into, than we can make it a regular thing.

Another thing I found myself doing this week is being guidance for some people who seemed like they weren’t sure which direction to take their lives. I offered advice, and consultation and it seemed welcome. I think that the biggest advice I could give anyone is to stay positive. Keep fighting for that which you want to achieve. It’s something that I’ve been doing, especially in the last four years. A positive mind set is the one thing that I think can help anyone get out of the rut their in.

The achievement is the reward for working hard, but the journey there is the valuable lesson. That’s it from me tonight, this is the Director, and that’s a wrap.

4th Month Green Light.

So, today was a success at my four month check-up with the West Medical doctor. So, let’s get down to the status of were I’m at today. Keep in mind that I try to weigh in every two weeks besides the doctor’s visits, and since my last check up they say I’ve lost over nine pounds. The doctor was happy because I’m keeping consistent will my weight goals.

First, my weigh in was at 334 pounds exactly. That means I’ve lost 4.4 pounds since I weighed in during Wonder Con. That’s not bad since I seem to average between four and seven pounds every two weeks. I know that the weight is slowly starting to lose less and less, but if I keep up the work I’m doing, than I should be down at least a hundred pounds by my next weigh in, and so far, I’m probably the lowest weight that I’ve been in over ten years.

Another astonishing fact is the my BMI(Body Mass Index) is at 47.9. Before I started this whole thing, I was over a BMI of 61, and it’s noticeable by the clothing that I wear. Everything is just too big anymore, and I’ve had to get a size or two smaller. I’ve even dropped about ten pants sizes since December. I wouldn’t have dreamed that I would be able to drop more weight then my son is currently at.

This also brings me to the problem of me needing to buy a few uniforms at smaller sizes because, well, mine are just too big, and things are sliding off of my body. I’ve almost lost my pants several times, when walking or getting into a vehicle. I realize that I’ll have to bit the bullet on this one. Oh, well…

Today was a good day, as I made another purchase to help get my businesses pushed to the next level. It feels good to realize that I’ve taken my future serious. The things I want are set, and I’m doing everything I can to obtain them. It’s also great to have the direction that I need to get things accomplished.

The CK Project has already helped people start to make the change in their lives, and I hope that I’ll be able to use this experience to do motivational speaking engagements. It’s been a dream for years to get the message out on mental health and now physical health as well. I even plan on starting to work out with my son during the weekends. I think it might be good for him.

Well, I’m sure glad that the craziness from this weekend is over, and that I can finally relax, and enjoy being home for the next week. Next weekend is going to be handling things in town as we get ready to bring the production team together to discuss expansion(I know, I’ve mentioned it). I’ve got a great team with a chemistry that I look forward to infusing with more elements for a bigger reaction, and combination to get things done.

One more note, so The Geekultural Experience  is getting ready for it’s first broadcast tomorrow. We are going to be doing a show on Youtube that will be showing various comic shops and game stores that we’ve been too and recommend shopping at. I’ve already talked too a couple of owners in two different towns about this idea, and they are up for it. I can’t wait to introduce everyone to Otto, a game store owner in Bakersfield, and Roger, a comic book shop owner in Palmdale. These two are very good at their areas of expertise, and I’d be honored to help give them both more business if possible.

I wrote something on Facebook  last night, that I wanted to share. Think of it as a parting word for inspiration. Keep striving for growth. making the best version of yourself. That’s the best way to keep moving forward. I know that there are times that we feel a bit lost, shaken, self doubt…Remembering that we can always better ourselves, or strive to better ourselves gives us the chance to embrace the challenge to become something bigger than who we know ourselves to be. Some people thrive on competition, and who better than to compete with the one person who knows how to challenge us the most. The person who already knows all the tricks and dirty tactics that we would attempt to use to sabotage our success.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap!

Let’s Get It Started?

Okay, this has officially been a long week. It’s the beginning of April and we’re already hitting eighty degree weather. I call bullshit on that, as it just reminds me that we’re in for a horribly hot summer. This is why I hate that I have to be outside for ten hour shifts at work. That’s my biggest complain about the week though.

So, now we get to business, as my locations for where I work tend to change around, except the fact that my physical has kept me in one or two places for the last month or so. I’ve been making at least 7,000 steps a day while at work. The stairs are kind of a bitch, but at least it’s keeping me going, and I feel accomplished, even if I haven’t hit that many 10k steps this week, but I’ve  only been about 1,000 off most days.

The biggest thing about this week has been that I’m realizing that I’m going to have to give in and get new uniforms soon. The truth is, my current uniforms are starting to get too big for me. I guess that happens when I’ve lost close to a hundred pounds.

I went out of town today for some business, and when that got handled we decided to stop by a mall that has a Destination XL. The beautiful part is that I decided to try on a pair of shorts that has a forty-four waist. I haven’t worn that size in over a decade. It was still a bit tight, and I think that I’m going to hold off for another ten or so pounds before I invest in a pair, but it feels damn good to know that I’m about the size before my son was born.

The motivation is still strong, and I’m finding that I’m able to connect with more people because of this huge weight loss movement that I’ve undertaken. I like being there to motivate and help those who need the help. Even after all this time, I still feel amazed that I can be the inspiration that people need to change their lives. That is a powerful realization. What makes it more so, is the fact that I take that responsibility very serious.

The hardest part about taking that kind of responsibility, was that I wish that I had taken it so much more serious. I’ve seen people reach the point of no return, and it’s not just with weight, but depression issues as well. I wish I had not be blinded by my own internal turmoil because I feel that I should have been doing something so much sooner.

It’s been about two weekends since I last weighed in and tomorrow is my four month check-up. The family is excited to find out what the latest numbers are. I’m excited as well, but I’d be lying if the thought of plateauing didn’t bother me. I know that I’ve got a long way to go, but things have gone well so far. Once I start with my trainer next week. I don’t think that I’ll be so worried, it’ll be time to cut more of the fat, and faster.

Since the weather has gotten nicer, I’m going to start that hiking club that I was talking about in some of the blogs before. That’s exciting, and if things take off, I also have a CK Project shirt in the design stages, as well as a Luckey Bom Films  shirt. It’s a crazy concept, yet very exciting to know that I’m about to start bringing out merchandise for my creations. It’s surreal, yet it’s happening. I’m gonna have to thank my good friend at Sticky Prints for being willing to work with me. I’m a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to how my “businesses” are going too be represented.

So much excitement is happening, and the production company’s about to have a meeting next week, to discuss expanding, and where we’re going to go for our next project. It feels good to feel accomplished, and I know that things are just starting… Just wait to see where we’re going to be in a year, in five years! Too much potential, and I love the team that I work with. I’ve been talking to a few more people about working with them. I think good things will come out of these connections that I’m making.

Any way, this is the Director, and that’s a wrap!

My Marching Orders For The Day

Today, I went in for my annual physical(by annual, I use that term loosely). The last time I had my physical, my blood pressure was 135 over something and my heart was like 68 beats per minute. I was in a bad way the last time I had the check up, about two years ago. This time was different, I was 112 over something and my heart beat was around 58. It felt kick ass. I’m doing what I can to get healthier, but it’s not for work, it’s for myself, and for my family.

The first three days of my work week, I tend to slack a bit on my 10k steps but I did get on them yesterday, 10841 steps with 4.8 miles and 775 calories. I had done over 10k steps before noon today. As a matter of fact, I’m currently sitting at 14921 steps, 6.59 miles, and 954 calories. To be honest, I don’t think that I’m going to be doing much more today, except maybe steps across the house to the bathroom, because today was a lot of steps anyway, and I’ve done good so far.

I know that the next weekend is my three month check-up with the doctor, but my two week weigh-in commitments are going to continue and I will have an update this weekend. While I won’t blog the update tomorrow, you can get it here at: https://twitter.com/ckproject. My twitter is the most updated spot to follow my weight loss journey. Also my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/ChrisKeelingProject/ is a good place to go for my journey as well, and I sometimes drop words bombs of inspiration.

I’m able to accept more types of food finally, lettuce doesn’t seem to hurt when I eat it anymore. It’s hard to believe that I’ve been without most of my stomach for three months, though if you ever look at how I eat anymore, you can tell. I can tell, and I feel so much better, and yes I know that I’ve said that at least a few times, but it’s true. I feel so much better, and I continue to improve by the day or week, and this month is going to be so fucking crazy that it isn’t even something I can completely comprehend at the moment.

So, I’m preparing to go to my campus at the end of next week to get my tickets, cap, and gown. Plus I get to see my career advisor, and we are going to discuss what I’m going to do with my degree. I’m not going to lie, but working a movie in Hollywood is kind of starting to appeal to me at the moment. Sure I still want to do my own movies, but getting paid, and experience is always great as well.

Then the next day I go see the doctor, and I’m eager to get cleared to do regular workout, because my friend from a local MMA gym is going to help me get in “fighting shape”, and I can’t wait, it’ll help for when we do stunts on film, and will help me out with other aspects of my professional life.

Speaking of my professional life, I finally got my first freelance gig, and I’m excited to be working on this new experience. My client and I have been exchanging some ideas on how we are going to present our project. This has also helped me to get back to the creative flow of things and I’ve knocked out seventeen pages on the original script I was going to use as a student film. Once we did Nash Gray, I decided that I wanted to restart the whole script, because, well, I have become a better writer(largely due to the blogging). I’ve taken it in a direction that I hadn’t quite done before, and I’m beyond what I had originally had completed. I’m still working on that, as with going between the various other scripts I got going. Maybe, I’m trying to do too much at once, but I guess that I won’t know until I try.

Now that I’ve been out of school for a few months, and I’ve adjusted to my new body better, I’m finally finding my place in getting my shit together and pursuing my career as a filmmaker. Still, it’s all still kind of a new experience to me, and I pray that I don’t fuck it up. Though, I’m sure I will somewhere, and it’ll add a valuable experience to what I’m doing.

While this is the end and I’m about to wrap it up, I want to take a few moments and give thanks to all my new followers on WordPress, Instagram, Facebook, Google+, and Tumblr. I’ve truly enjoyed sharing my experiences with everyone, and hope that motivation has been found in the words that I’ve typed. Please keep it up, and don’t be afraid to comment. Dialogue is a great way to learn more about each other, and keep the discussion going.  With that said, this is the director and that’s a wrap.

Let’s ‘Drop It Like It’s Hot’

I hit the 10,000 steps two days in a row, and almost did for a third day, but the average was over that 10k mark for sure. With that being said, I’ve kind of chilled the last two days to give myself a rest. I feel like I push myself ragged at times, which makes it harder for me to focus on the studious aspect of my life. The results are good though very good.

Remember when I talked about my start on this weight loss journey that my highest weight was 429.9 lbs? Breaking down the science of fat content, that and the fact that I’m 5’10(I think my weight shrunk me a bit), that equals out to a Body Mass Index of 61.7. That means that 61.7% of my body was covered by fat, and that’s what caused me to feel like a prisoner in my body. It also explains why it was harder for me to be cold(well insulated for sure).

I went in and weighed myself yesterday, and I discovered that I’ve lost another 7.6 lbs, which puts me at the weight of 352.4. My BMI is now at 50.6 and the total is now at 77.5 lbs, and with that, I feel accomplished.352.4

Yep, that’s me! When it’s compared to how I was looking, people say they see the loss in the face, and neck….what I notice in this pic is how much belly has gone, and even looking down I see that it’s missing. It’s fantastic not feeling like the Kool-aid man. People tell me to keep it up and not to stop. Believe me, there’s no chance in that. Realize that I did, get part of my body removed to help get me going on the right path, and I’m determined not to stay fat. I like not hurting or struggling when I move. That’s the biggest part of the win so far.

Second win goes to the people who seemed to be inspired by this journey that I’ve undertaken, as I’m recruiting people to do some hikes with me and the family. I think it’ll be a great bonding experience, and honestly, other’s wanting to take my example and get heathy too, is one of the most amazing feelings to me as well.

The weight loss has really helped my mental health as well, with the compliments, more self confidence comes into play. Plus I don’t feel like I loathe myself anymore.  I can’t think of anything better then all the positives that are coming out of these life changes. I’ve discovered that there are still a few things that upset my stomach, but I’m also trying to be conscious about not trying to stretch it out. I miss some of the spices that I love so much, but I’m sure I’ll be able to eat those again someday, and I’m at about the two and a half month mark out from my surgery.

I might just make that hundred pound mark with in the next few months. I haven’t seen three hundred in about seventeen years, and it would be incredible to make that half-way-point in my ultimate goal weight. Right now, my smaller goal is 339.5. Once I reach that, I’ll plan on making a goal of about 296, which was the weight I was when I was married to my first wife, in 2001. I get excited about those kinds of thoughts. I get excited to know that I won’t be fat for the rest of my life, and that my life won’t be as short as it was probably going to end up had I not done something to take the control back.

It’s sad to think that I got to a point where I thought that I was going to die, and I’ll be honest, I welcomed it for a time there. I stopped caring, and I was just going to let life happen to me, and I didn’t care when or where it would happen. Now, it’s different. Now I have the power, and I like to move, and get those steps in. Soon, I’ll be able to push myself again, and I can’t weight to add weights into my routine. I’ve always loved weight lifting, and I’ll feel more comfortable on the machines that I’m going to use. I’ll get in the sit-ups, push-ups, and a faster mile. This in vain of what I do for work, and I could promote, but I don’t really have the drive to continue with the current track for my career. I want to move onto something that give me a chance to use the more creative part of my brain.

The reward, would be the fact that I could do it if I chose too. I’ve come a long way in the last year, and I’m all about self improvement these days. I’ve got the best support system that I think any person could ask for, and it’s a blessing that it helps to keep me motivated. Though the real trick is that I’m keeping myself motivated. I have my bad days, but I stay motivated. I think that’s how I’m learning to survive, is by staying motivated, and positive. Getting the mind and body in harmony is the secret.

Anyway, this is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Hungry For More

I’m obsessed with numbers! I’ve been that way about time most of my life. My step counter just happens to be something that I’ve added to that obsession. With another round of 10,000 steps demolished today, that number gets easier to reach the more I get there.valentines10k

I also like that my pacer app keeps track of my weekly calories, and I reached 1754 for the week so far. I know that I’ve got some big things going on this weekend, so I plan on hitting the 10k at least two more times.

Besides the steps, I had a few people tell me today that they didn’t recognize me and had to do a double take. Being a fat person, it feels good to know that my hard work is paying off, and I really do feel better about the way I look. I can’t wait until I hit the ultimate goal, how much better will I look then. The movement is getting faster as well. I’m starting to feel the speed pick up.

Being as heavy as I was, I would move like a tortoise, at least that’s how I felt. I hated that I would get winded so easily as well. I’m continually breaking free from the bonds of my fatter self, and confidence is really showing as well(not that I was too insecure). I’m not ashamed of my body anymore. I look at it as a work in progress, but shit my arms are starting to get skinny, and I need to tighten up the skin a bit before I get wizard sleeve, and start looking like Gandalf the Grey.

So, today is Valentine’s day, and I’m reminded that I’m not really a fan of this holiday, however, my bride of seventeen years, is the greatest part to show my love too. She’s always a strong support, and is one of the most amazing people I know(as a side note, I know quite a few amazing people), plus she loves me beyond anything I’ve ever known.

I’m still trying to get some details figured out about getting a hiking club together, and I’m sure I can talk a few people I know in the real world to join. I think it would be great to enjoy nature with the great people I know. Would any of my readers possibly want to start something up, even if it was online, in a group and share our experiences with our hikes? We could get healthy together, and that’s always a movement that I would support.

I think that I need that positive idea in my life right now. I’ve had doubts going on in my head in other areas, but at least I haven’t tried to find the comfort in food. That’s a big step in the right direction. It’s just shit…I’ve got all of this stuff going on and getting ready to go on, that I’ve had a hard time focusing at what tasks are at hand at the moment. Listening to music through my head phones seem to help with those distractions.

Once the doctor clears me, I’m going to up my exercise game, and I can’t wait to start pushing myself more. I’ve not had skinny arms like this in some time and putting definition on them will be awesome, plus the fat burning with weights will help get my ass to where it wants to be.  So many possibilities are coming with this idea….

This is the director, and I think this is the end of another blog….so that’s a wrap!

Disneyland-Pushed Twice As Hard

So, my wife and I decided that we would make up our sixteenth anniversary, which happened in July of last year, by going to Disneyland, without the kids. Yes, I do realize that seven months is a long time to postpone our celebration, but I was working on a movie at that time, and we just ended up being busy with life through a lot of that. It’s nice when we get some time where the two of us can just be a couple. Having kids, that gets hard to do, especially when they tend to be needy.

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So to say the least, I got my 10,000 steps before eleven-o-clock. I best part is that I made it so long without having to take a break. I didn’t really slow down until about four in the afternoon, by then I think I was around 15,000 steps, but it was so worth the effort put forth. I can’t believe that I had made almost ten miles, it’s crazy to think that I made it that far.

In contrast, today I’ve only gone about 5,945 steps. I think that I deserve a break from that kick ass effort from yesterday, but I do plan on challenging myself like that again soon. Perhaps during a long hike or something, but then again, I might need more time before I do that.

The biggest highlights of yesterday was that I didn’t struggle to get through any of the turn styles, or on the rides, I wasn’t uncomfortable. That’s a big win, and I ate very well. We went to The RainForest Cafe for breakfast, where I had scrambled eggs, and a piece of bacon, with a few pieces of home potatoes. Lunch, I ate a Cauliflower patty, and a few fries. I finished with dinner of Claim Chowder. So, I was trying to be smart with my choices for meals. I didn’t really seem to enjoy any of them though. Another win, since food has always been a pleasure for me. I did have a few sips of Vietnamese coffee that Sarah got from the Lunar New Year booth. It was the first coffee I’ve had in months, and it was okay(I did also have a small cup this morning at home of instant). I think my journey with coffee is pretty much over, at least I’m okay with that.

It felt good to take this new lighter body out to something that would normally tax my body, and have this energy to just do more. I would have to take a break before we would get to the entrance of the park, the last several times we had visited. Amazing! We got in the rides that mattered to us, and we just had an over all great time. Sarah keeps telling me that she’s proud. It’s always better when you can have a great support system behind you. People really need to hear that they’re doing a good job. This doesn’t just go for your personal life, but getting that type of recognition of doing a good job at works, helps.

Since everything happened in a relatively short span, I’ll update everyone on a weight update next weekend. I think every other week tends to work better for me because there shows a noticeable change. It gives me some extra time to hit that 10,000 steps anyway. Besides, I still haven’t been cleared to go beyond light workouts still. Though my walks do feel like I could almost be pushing it, but they’ve been the easiest part so far.

Now, to change the subject, I’m currently trying to learn more about the various programs that I use for my filming, and continue to develop those skills. I’ll also be doing a few professional freelance videos in the next couple of weeks. I’m excited to get this experience under my belt, and I think it’ll help me out with some extra money to help get the equipment that I need to get a full production studio going.

Another subject that I’ve decided to focus as an area of study is Spanish. Living in California, it’s really handy to know, and besides that, bilingual is just another skill set that helps make myself more marketable with whatever profession I do. Right now, learning and adding skills, certs, etc…. is something that will help me better myself, and wasn’t the point, to improve myself?

Anyway, this looks like the end of another set of thoughts, so this is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Working On That Summer Body…Sort of

Keeping track of the weight loss gets a bit tricky. With my highest weight being at 429.9 pounds, I did lose those 29.9 before surgery, as I weight in at 400.3 two weekends before my surgery. I remember because that weekend I had to do some blood tests before I saw the doctor out of town. I started to eat better, and honestly, the liquid diet probably helped with that as well.

Still with in less than two months after my surgery, I’ve lost forty pounds and that isn’t something to laugh about. So I figure that if I’m losing about twenty pounds a month, and this is the second month of the year, I should lose about sixty more pounds before summer. That would bring me down a total of 110 pounds. That sounds great, and would put me about half way to were I want to be. I would be at 310, and I haven’t seen that since my eldest child was born. That was almost seventeen years ago.

Seventy pounds(69.9 to be exact) is a lot of weight, I told my youngest that I basically lost her in my weight(though she’s only 62 lbs.). I know that I still have a long way to go, and I don’t ever plan on looking back and picking up the bad habits again. Those who’ve joined in wanting to better their health(my friends), and truly my brothers and sisters in arms because this isn’t ever an easy process. This challenge will be with me for the rest of my life, but at least I’m going at life now knowing that food isn’t the solution. That’s a huge step in the right direction for me.

The over all goal of losing 200-220 has always been where I wanted to be. 180-200, I haven’t seen those numbers since I was a freshman in high school. I think that is when I would feel my best. A huge plus is that clothes would be far less expensive than they are now. I feel like I’m constantly paying double for whatever I wear, because there’s so much more material(did you sense that I rolled my eyes? No? Well, I did).

The tools have been provided, and I will succeed. Why? Because I don’t really have any other choice anymore. There was a majority of my life that I felt down about myself, and now that I’m hitting closer to forty-years-old, I’ve realized that I actually love life. I have three children, two that are by birth, one is a niece, that we brought in to give a better life. I want to see them grow up and become successful people.

I’m just gonna keep going on the path that I’ve taken, the doctor wants me to take it easy still for at least another month due to a fact that I got sick after eating pizza toppings one night. I’m trying to be careful because I don’t want to end up hurting myself, especially since I want this to be successful, and I’m aware of what kind of risks can come up because of the surgery.

That’s the thing, everything has a risks/rewards aspect to it. I’ve taken all this time to start to actually invest in myself that I plan to reap the benefits as best I can while mitigating the risks. I guess this is where I can finally say that I feel like I’m starting to make the kinds of adult choices like this about ten years ago.  I guess it’s sad to say that I finally feel like an adult with my choices. Does anyone else ever feel that way? Remember to invest in yourself, and nothing worth doing is ever easy.

This is the director and that’s a wrap.

Welcome To Club 100

So for the start of today’s blog, I’m going to educate the populace on what I had done and some of the facts about the procedure. According to the brochure at the doctor’s office, produced by Covidien the technical name for the gastric sleeve that I’ve been talking about over the last two months is the vertical sleeve gastrectomy, or partial gastrectomy. The procedure takes the cutting out of two-thirds of the stomach to make the stomach into a part of tube, or to make it look like a “sleeve”. This procedure also removes the part that produces a hormone called Ghrelin, which is the chemical that controls the cravings for being hungry.

At my highest weight, I was weighing in at 429.9 lbs. and at a hight of five-foot-ten, that put me at a body mass index of 61.7. The requirement is to have a BMI of 35, and I was well above that. I was on the cusp of having bad cholesterol, high blood pressure, and quite frankly, I was a prisoner in my own body(I’m sure I’ve said this a couple of times). heaviest

This was what I looked like at my heaviest. The worst part of all of this weight was when I would try to actually exercise, I would hurt. I had bruised my foot on a walk, my knees hurt, and it was just the most difficult thing when I moved. I truly felt that I was trapped in my own body and there wasn’t anything that I felt I could do to help me loose the weight. I was scared that I was going to put myself into an early grave.

I was doing well before I had my breakdown at work in 2013. I was on Weight Watchers and I had lost fifty-six pounds. 2 years after weight watchers

I was feeling good at the time, I felt free and with more energy, but then depression took over, and I gained it all back and then some. It was a rough time in my life, and my mind wasn’t right. I felt like I was the most worthless thing and I wanted to die. That actually followed me even when I was able to go back to work.

When I decided to go back to school in 2014, I was trying to change my life around. I didn’t realize for about the first year of school in what I was doing, and it took until about another half-year before I realized that what I needed in life was a better outlook on what life could and would end up being for me.

The first thing I did do, again without realizing the potential of what would come, was I decided that I would be a beacon of positivity. When I left work, there was negative people everywhere and it really helped to bring me down. The decision of being positive wasn’t for anybody else, except myself. I didn’t want to continue to feel worthless, and the new outlook helped me be a better person, not only with myself, but for other’s as well. That is something I continue to, and will continue to do for the rest of my life.

Finding that creative outlet was the best thing for me, I’ve been able to put forward the thoughts and revelations into something tangible, and that’s where things like this blog come in at. It seems like I’m in a constant state of thought, even when it’s at the worst times, like when I’m trying to sleep. Sometimes, it’s that state of restlessness  that helps some of my better ideas come out.

So, bringing this to a more present time period, when I got introduced to the idea of setting up a WordPress website, I decided that I would use the platform to blog. I figured that it would be a good way to share my experience, and hope that the words would find someone who might need to know that there’s other’s who have gone through the same kinds of issues they have, and that there is someone they could reach out too. I also fond it therapeutic for when I go through some of my emotional times. Though I suffer from depression, I don’t look at it as a weakness, but as a strength because I’ve survived the darkest of times. I’ve survived several times throughout my adult life. Now I’m here to help other’s who don’t know if they will make it, or if they just need some support and to be aware that things will get better.

With in the last year, the awareness that I’ve come across was that things were going to get better for me as I worked hard to finish school. I knew that I was setting myself and my family up for better things in life. I’ve been determined to make the best of life. As the months got closer to the end of my schooling, I was more determined to get done, and put what I earned to good use. I’ve been networking and planting the seeds for this better future.

Feb 3 stats

This is from my Pacer app. I went to my two month post operation check up and I weighed in at 360 lbs. It’s been a while there, and since it was out of town, I was determined to explore the city and get my 10,000 steps in today. I’ve got farther than I thought I would, and I’m glad that I have something to help record my progress. I think the most effective part is the fact that I’m obsessed with numbers, and this is a great way to keep track of the movements from my walks.

As I was walking with my wife downtown Lancaster, a thought came too me that I had never considered before- I invested in myself. Wow! I never considered something like that. Sure I’m going to have student loans, and the high cost of my weight loss surgery, but I had invested in myself. Physically, and mentally, I spent the money to help me find myself, and I’ve brought so many people with me for the ride. It took the surgery to help me not feel trapped anymore, and I want to keep pushing to get better. Then the school has helped me find the person that I was meant to be.

I think that’s the secret for people to be successful, and happy…invest in yourself, because the only person who’s going to take care of you in this life is you. You can only grow if you push yourself. That’s a thought to contemplate.

This is the director, Chris Keeling, I’m about seventy pounds lighter, and that’s a wrap.

‘Workin’ For The Weekend’

Wow, I’ve been doing extra walking while at work and did over 7,000 steps yesterday. I’m proud of myself, at the same time, I ended up kicking my own ass yesterday. So today, I’m taking it a bit easier. Overall, I’m feeling very good about myself.

As the two month check up lingers on for this weekend, I’m planing on trying to attempt three days of 10,000 steps, that’s if work doesn’t kick my ass first. I’m going to be making some great strides this year as I continue to lose weight. I’m still trying to be mindful on how I eat, and so far I’m doing pretty well. Though I do feel that I did get carried away for my son’s birthday party, but I’m back on track.

Speaking of eating, I’m not much of a fish person(aside from sushi, yeah, weird, right?), but last night Sarah had made some lemon pepper Tilapia fish. I actually kind of dug it. The most I’m generally a fan of is Tuna, which is the staple lunch meat for my lunches now. I take hot tea to work, so the coffee I used to get just isn’t needed anymore. I’ve been okay about that, though I remember when I was fueled by coffee. Smaller lunches, and it sometimes feels like it could end up being too much for me.

It’s a blessing to have the support that I’ve gotten through friends, and family. Sarah’s my biggest supporter(has been for the last seventeen years), and the biggest reason for my success. My kids are most defiantly up there, in particular my son. He’s always on top of making sure I have everything I need. Having an autistic kid is an experience, and I’m in awe at how amazing he is about things.

I think the next challenge to be put in front of me is how I’m going to handle the Super Bowl party. Usually, I would have eaten, and grazed throughout the entire game. It’s time to see if I can handle that type of social setting. I think I will do well, because in the end. I have my support system. I think the biggest fear is that I’ll get back into old habits.

Holy shit, I seem to like moving though, and I’m moving quicker than I was for a while at least. I’m sure that this is going to help keep me on track. I discovered that moving feels better for my joints than just standing in one spot. It feels kind of weird though, to think that moving would feel better than that.

I’m getting ready to do some yard work during the weekends. I think it will help keep my activity up, and I need to get my house in order. I’ve got plenty of things that I’m working towards as well, and the yard work is just a plus to get this part taken care of. What a great way to get some exercise.

If you’re trying to get healthy too, and you read my blog, then thank you for taking your time to read about my experience. Please reach out, a supportive community helps keep us motivated to get things done. I know one of my motivators is numbers. I’m obsessed: the time of the day, how much more time before I get home, now the number of steps I take within a day. I’m trying to get an average of 5,000-6,000 steps in a day. 10,000 is still a bit much, but I’m gonna do my best to hit that number more often, because last week when I did the number, I had a great fire inside.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.