Running With Fifteen Seconds To Go

The unknown is something that can be scary, and with the fact that I’ve come a long way since the last time I had to do a run for work, the fat person inside of me kept telling me that I couldn’t do it. Everyone kept telling me that I could in fact make the run because I had been keeping active, walking ten-thousand steps a day. Also the fact that I’ve lost so much weight and I’m in better shape than I have been since high school. Everyone was saying that I could do it….

As much as I’ve grown over the last five years, and the bounds over the last couple, I still have so much to do. I appreciate the support that I get, and even with my-self doubt, it sometimes takes a perspective that I won’t normally get. I was told that no matter what happened, I already got further than I had before, and I should be proud of what I accomplished. That was the right thing that I needed to hear, and to that individual, thank you so much. It did help get me out of my head.

I have a great support system, and to be honest, I’ve got an amazing group of friends that I get to call my co-workers. It wasn’t always the feeling I got, but I can say that I’ve learned just how amazing some of those people are. To those people who were there to run and support me, thank you. You helped get me to the end, even when I wanted to give up.

So now the question is where do I go from here? What’s the next step in my evolution process? I know that I’m going for a promotion, which could get me about $10,000 more per year. This will help me for so many things that I’ve got going on in my life right now, meaning three brands, paying off debts, bettering my family’s situation. It only makes since that I take that next step.

So, if we do the mental check list, so far I’ve gone and done a huge over haul of my mental health, and I’ve also done an over haul of my physical health. It only makes sense that I work on improving the professional side of things. I feel that with the whole self improvement concept, that would be the next step. Going for a promotion will also put me on an unlikely career path, but I’m coming up with a game plan and I think that this will be a step in the right direction while I fix the rest of my life.

Motivation is the only way to accomplish everything in life. Since the surgery, I’ve slowly become more and more motivate to do things. It’s strange to realize how much more I motivated I am about obtaining my goals in life. I can’t believe that I ever tried to settle for the “safe” path, and not continue on to grab for a greater glory.

I get that people suggesting going the “safe” path generally mean well, but at the same time, in hindsight, I wonder why they never decided to pursue their dreams? Is it because they are afraid to take the risks necessary to fulfill their dreams? The old cliche, “nothing worth doing is ever easy,” remains true.

While I don’t talk about my career directly, it’s just a job that pays the bills. Now what I do for a living everybody knows; I’m a motivational personality, a filmmaker, and professional geek. If it wasn’t for me following my passions, I wouldn’t be alive today. These things are what literally saved my life.

So, how does this all attribute to my weight loss journey? How does this apply to mental health? That’s simple, everything I do, tends to be interlinked with each other. Physically, if you feel better, than your mental state tends to follow. I was surprised at what kind of changes the surgery brought to my mental state. I’m a changed person. People who’ve only known me for about a year, have mentioned how different I am, and I continue to evolve.

The weight loss journey has introduced me to a community of like minded individuals, and I love the support we all have for each other. I met this one person who I’ve been following on Twitter for the last several months go from about 240 pounds, and she weighed-in last week at just under 200. It was exciting to see her video reaction at the news. I was proud, and I feel like a cheer leader with watching her and her enthusiasm that she presents everyday as she takes that step forward. Cabi, if you do get to read this, well done. I’m glad that I get to experience you journey with you.

With that being said, tomorrow I get to go to my next weigh-in with the doctor, and we are going into day four of our No Zero Day May challenge. The challenge is for whoever participates in the challenge to have at least thirty-minutes of activity everyday for the whole month of may. I got this challenge off  Tumblr and I presented it to my various social medias. I’ve gotten participation from people on Facebook, and I’ve been reached out too on Twitter as well. We are trying this as our first group challenge, and we are going to see how well it goes. If it runs smoothly, I will have more challenges going, and I’ll offer some sort of prize in the future, and hopefully it will motivate people to participate more.

This is the Director and that’s a wrap.

 

Uncharted Territory!

As I write this, I’m in total awe at the fact that did a weigh-in today and saw 266.5. I had to have my personal trainer double check for me because I can’t seem to process these numbers anymore.

I’m living in a surreal time of my weight loss journey. I wonder does this happen to anybody else? I’ve always been good with math, yet the numbers on the scale look foreign to me. It’s taking longer to process if I really did lose the weight, or if I gained, even if the numbers did go down. It’s strange and exciting to see numbers that I’ve never seen before and the reward of knowing that I’m that much closer to my goals are just that much more fulfilling.

I’m always asked how do I feel? As I’ve said several times before, physically I feel great, but it’s so much more than just the physical. Mentally, I’m more on point than I have ever been. I haven’t had a sever depressed episode since about the time of my recovery of having the gastric sleeve done. I’ve heard people suffer from a depressed state in later years for one reason or another, like the skin is hanging too loose, or that the weight has been gained back.  I wonder if some people just can’t remember why they had the surgery in the first place? I know that when I made the decision to get the sleeve, that it was going to be a life change. I knew that I was going to have to change several of the fundamentals of my personal belief system to succeed.

Part of succeeding was to learn how to get out of my own head about things. I was well enough versed in my own mind to know that I had to be willing to accept the changes that needed to happen when it came to food. I knew that I couldn’t use food as a drug to get me through the tough times that I would face in the future. I’ll be the first to admit that there were times that I didn’t think I was going to be strong enough to make it, and I had to battle that in my mind for a long time as well.

The first hurdle that I had to over come was the concept of not eating and drinking at the same time. Yes, I realize that I sometimes still do, but nowhere near the amount I used to, and if I get too carried away, then I’m the first to feel the regret of my choices. Surprisingly, I thought this was the biggest choice that I had to make.

The second choice, which you would think would be the first is accepting that food wasn’t the answer to everything. Using it as a drug to cope with various situations in life wasn’t as hard as I thought. I’ll admit to also occasionally grabbing a snack, even if I don’t need it, but then I catch myself afterward to remind me not to do it again. I see that old habits try to sneak back in at times, at least I’m more aware of myself than I was before.

Getting back to the point at hand, I’m in a place in my journey that I can’t seem to comprehend. It feels so good to know that I’ve gotten to a place that I don’t even remember seeing 266 on any weight scale while in school. It’s amazing to know that my hard work as paid off, as I’ve seen and compared my blood results from the past two physicals that I’ve had done, and the numbers are so different. Life is so exciting, and I wish all my problems where that easy.

If you ask anyone who’s been successful in the weight loss surgery department, they’ll tell you that it was the best decision in their lives. If you ask them what triggered them to do that, you might get similar answers. Mine was I got to a point that I was afraid that I’d get so bad that I would never be able to come back from it. The fear of death is a big motivator. This kind of change is good, and don’t let anyone tell you that getting weight loss surgery is “taking the easy way out”. There’s a reason it’s called a tool, and that’s just to get you jump started on a new path to help lose the weight, and I’ll only give the surgery for about eighty pounds of my weight loss. I know for a fact that my success is from the fact that I bust my ass and put the work in.

Putting the work in hasn’t just paid off in the weight loss department, but mentally it has affected me too. It’s given me a focus that doesn’t allow me to get depressed like I used too, plus it’s motivated others, which in turn seems to keep me motivated to do more. The comments from people seeing me walk around and telling me that it’s been a topic at where they work, makes me feel pretty good.

Another aspect with everything I’m doing with my weight loss has made me a better person. I’m being told that a change in the way I present myself is noticeable. I’ve noticed that I’ve become a better friend, a better husband, and a better father. I find that I’ve become more passionate about life, and the things that I do. I get excited to share all the deeds that I’m currently obtaining in life with my co-workers. I find confidence in how I interact with people, and I no longer apologize for who I am.

I’ve always had a strong personality, and I often say that I’m hard to forget. While some of the things I say can appear that I’m a bit conceded and I have an ego. I don’t feel that I have to say sorry for who I am. This is what makes me the person I am. I’m happy to help people, and show them a way to a better self, if only they give me the chance to provide that guidance. The best part is that people are noticing that I’m going somewhere, and that I’m always willing to take them along on this journey. This is the Director, and that’s a wrap.

Connecting Flights on The Weight Loss Journey

Sometimes, we get wonder what it is that puts us on this earth and wonder what’s our purpose here? For as long as I remember, I’ve always wanted to entertain, and make people happy. As I got older and matured, I was fascinated with the idea of causing different emotions by my performances. There was something that was always intoxicating about the power of influence.

I’ve also always wanted to help people, sometimes that ended up being a fault, because not everyone wants help, and they’d throw it in my face, or take advantage of my good graces. So, I’ve become cautious over the years because of it. The expression of experience is the best teacher is very true, almost unfortunate to a fault at times. I’ve had a lot of lessons taught to me because of this.

Sometimes, these lessons come in unexpected ways, and lessons that I wouldn’t expect happened. I had a time where I felt like I stopped growing and learning, and it caused me to be unsatisfied. In all honesty, I would love for Luckey Bom Films to be the thing that takes me where I want to go in life, but I think the divine plan is to have The CK Project is where I’m truly going to make my mark in this world, which is just as worthy to be an end goal.

This has been an incredible journey so far, and I’ve met some of the most inspiring and beautiful people by taking this journey, by sharing, and supporting others who are trying to be more healthy. I think one of the most interesting things about the weight loss journey is that there are many ways to get there, and there is no one right way to get to the ultimate goal. I think that those who lose the weight without weight loss surgery is awe inspiring. That’s not to take away from those of us who had the surgery because it takes just as much work to lose the weight, the surgery is just the “tool” to help get the jump start on the journey.

Being involved with the weight loss community, especially for those who had the surgery. I’ve had networked with all these people through Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and these people inspire me to do better. The voyage has made us a type of family, bonded by the fact that we share similar experiences. For some of us, the weight was gained because of depression, and that’s why we appreciate what the journey has done for us. These beautiful souls still have  doubts that they’ll make it through the process. Hell, I have days that I think I won’t make it, and another commonality I see is that there are times we all view ourselves as the heaviest version of ourselves, and I’ve discovered that is something that doesn’t ever really seem to leave.

I’ve seen some people give up on the journey as they felt that they’ve lost all the weight they will ever, and sometimes that brings part, if not all the weight back for others. As long as people find their happiness, then I’m happy for them because it’s important to be happy. I still remember what it’s like to not be happy with myself, and the rage that came with it. I just know that I’m not ready to stop, until  I get to the ultimate goal.

I think the biggest motivator for me is the fact that I’m in competition with myself. I’m pushed by the numbers that I see, because I feel that in the least, I should be able to hit the bare minimum, and yes, I’ve not had motivation to get even the minimum some days. Having those lazy days is what makes us human, and I’m not ashamed. I remember making excusing as to why I wasn’t doing something, and again there are days that I find myself doing that, but at least it isn’t the end of the world. In that end, I do keep pushing myself to do better, and find ways to grow, even in ways I never expected.

Even if the weight loss journey has established me in a community, it’s even more amazing how much it’s effected the rest of my life. I find losing the weight and having a better self-image, has lead me to being a better parent, and husband. It’s helped me better in my creative endeavors as well. That motivation has shown me what I’m capable of doing, and I want to see how far I can take it.

To those whom I am in communications with in the weight loss journey category, I want to say thank you for the words of encouragement. I’ve enjoyed watching you in your successes and I feel blessed to be able to add to your support system. Nobody should have to go through something like this by themselves. There should be nothing but support and encouragement, because it’s the fertilizer that helps with personal growth. It’s a shame we live in a world where more people want to be “trolls” and tear other people down.

On a final thought: live, love, and speak your truth. Don’t ever falter from who you are, because that’s the bravest thing anyone can do. With that, I’m the Director, and that’s a wrap.

2019 Con Walk

Wonder Con 2019; the time for nerding out and checking out all the cool things that the geek community has to offer. It’s the time of year, that dressing up doesn’t seem so strange, and being surrounded by so many like minded people is a beautiful thing. With that, it’s also the time of year that I get so many steps in. The step total came out to 133,795, which also breaks down to 59.09 miles. To be fair, we went down the day before the convention started, and left the day after it was over. At that though, holy shit that’s so much real estate traveled.

To be fair, the pace is casual as you peruse the different booths, and see what items they have to sell. Many of them items are nostalgic as they have toys from when the convention goer was a child. Personally, I’m always excited for The Masters of the Universe, and Star Wars toys that takes me back to my youth, when things seemed much more simpler. Then if there are panels that interest you, the option to sit in and listen to the topics being discussed gives you that chance to sit down and relax.

The food and drink options aren’t always ideal, especially for someone who has dietary limitations. Though the coffee is good, but the paper straws are kind of shitty. I found that we had issues finding Autumn food, since she’s a vegetarian and drinks for little Chris since he doesn’t drink soda, and water isn’t something he feels he can drink all day. I make the best of what I can, and mostly I don’t finish whatever I bought because it’s too much for me.

While this was a three-day event, the rest of the time was spent at the Disneyland parks. The biggest thing about going there was to feel how I fit in the various areas. The first one, was the turn styles; at my biggest, I would have to walk-in sideways and it would be a snug fit still. This time, I had so much space that all I had to do was walk forward. One thing that is good about Disney is that the rides have always been a bit more accommodating for the larger stature, and there was very few rides that I was unsure I would be secured safely on. Now, I don’t have to feel that way, and I went places I hadn’t been for a long time.

The downside to going to conventions and theme parks are the crowds, and that goes with depending on the day. We’ve been to these things on days that hardly anyone was there, and then we’ve been to them on days, usually Saturdays, where there’s barely any room to move. That can sometimes put a damper on the kind of activity you’re trying to do.

Another bonus to going to places like Disney and conventions is that it keeps the mind busy. I know that helps me get the stats that I’m trying to reach during the day, and the distraction doesn’t make it seem like work, and that’s a way to keep pushing forward.

Now, since losing all this weight, I’ve noticed that I don’t take as many breaks as I used too, and I don’t get winded. It was apparent that my hard charger type motivation didn’t sit well with at least one kid during the time. So, I defiantly need to keep that in mind the next time we do something like that. I pushed myself and I thought that was the important lesson of the trip. I also got to tell a group of people my story and I appreciate that they took the time and had the patience to listen to what I had to say.

Over all it was a good weekend, I got to spend it with my children, and enjoy the things that we love. I’m not a fan of the ailment that is called, “convention crud,” as it has seemed to take almost everyone in my household out for a bit. I did notice that after the long days, I was usually one of the first one’s out when we got back to the motel room. Waking up in the morning, I was recovered like a champ, which is something I’ve been doing since I’ve been working out regularly for the last year.

With that being said, what kind of conventions interest you? Did you realize that you could still hit your goals while being on a vacation? I know that I defiantly want to go to more cons in a year.

Everyone, have a good night and be good to each other, this is the Director, and that’s a wrap.

Two Years And Change

I put this picture here as a reminder of where I’ve been, and where I’m going.

I would be lying if I said that I’m okay with the before picture. I mean looking at what I was, there comes a certain dose of reality that is hard to swallow. How could I have ever let things get that bad? I mean I knew I was heavy, but the reality is that I never thought it got that bad.

I look at that before picture and I know why it was that way. You could see all the negativity, the fear, the fact that I still didn’t care if I died or not. I carried that with me for a long time. It’s funny to look back on the past and get the sense of how foreign all of that was. How would that person back then, react to the person now?

I know that if I could talk to that past version of myself, I would tell him not to worry, life gets better, and that things are going to happen very unexpectedly. I would tell him that he’s going to feel better physically, and that everyone is going to constantly ask if he feels better. I would tell him that mentally, he’s never experienced something so profound, and things will lead to living the best life ever.

It’s been a journey that has built character. It hasn’t been easy and there have been times that I wanted to give up. In the beginning there were times that I didn’t feel that it was going to be worth it. The hard work and struggle that I would have to endure. The self doubt that would creep into my mind.

The truth is that I still have days that I still feel like I’m 429 pounds. There are days I feel disgusted with my own body, and that I’ve blown all that hard work. I’ve also been told by others that there are times that they feel the same way, even if they’ve lost a huge amount of weight. I wonder if it ever leaves us mentally?

With all that weight, came a feeling of self loathing. I hated myself, and what I represented. I didn’t care, hell I actually still wanted to die. I was slowly killing myself, and I had to find that one thing to turn myself around. I know there are aspects of my job that I would walk away from a day of work and thought that I was going to die during my shift, and walking, feeling the pain in my knees was the worst. I hated feeling like I was falling apart.

That was the turning point I think. I was walking up some steps and my knees started to hurt, and I became clumsy. I would start to trip when I walked. Something, somewhere clicked in myself and I was ready for a change. That was when I decided to make the call.

I think another fact that contributed to the decision was that I was on the last leg of my bachelor’s program at school, and I wanted to see where my professional life was going to go. I find it funny that my professional life has driven me in different directions and that it has contributed to both braking me down, and me finding myself.

When I look back at that time in my life, I had no direction, and now my focus is on things that I never really concerned myself before. I feel accomplished with the fact that I’m always trying to go forward now, and improving myself for a better future. That’s where I am mentally, and I couldn’t be happier. I know that the journey is just as important as the end.

I’m glad I got the help that I needed to get myself in a better mind set, and I recommend that if anyone else starts to feel hopeless find someone to help you get through it. Professional help is the best place to go, and it’s a shame that people look at mental health as a taboo subject. I’ve noticed a movement of people becoming “woke” about this and other subjects as of the last several years, which is a plus. It’s a shame that we’ve come so far, yet we still have that much farther to go for full acceptance. Why does society have to come across like a bunch of animals in so many circumstances?

I know I’ve mentioned before about the amazing support system I have, but to take that one step further, most of the most important people in my life have, or continue to support and nurture me in my growth. These people are more important than they will probably ever realize, and if they’re not sure who they are, I’m going to be telling them soon enough.

While this blog has taken me a few days to write, it’s given me a bit of time to reflect and realize that while the last five years have been about growth, most of it has actually happened with in the last two years. My decision not to be a victim to my own self-loathing was the first part of that bigger step.

I will continue to provide the audience with insight and content from all aspects of my life. I hope that people continue to reach out, either for advice, or because they find inspiration in the things I do. With that, this is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

Bad Habits?! Don’t You Come Back

As with anything in life complacently kills. Sometimes we get to a point in our lives that we are comfortable with the way we feel, and things tend to start sliding back into our lives. This is generally true for us who go through the weight loss journey. I’ve seen and know people who have had some form of weight loss surgery, and they’ve gained the weight back. They may not have gained all the weight back, but sometimes they do gain a  good amount of it back.

Let’s look at the fact that us “fat people” go through when loosing weight. It feels good, hell it feels fucking fantastic going from a large weight, being in pain, and hard to breath; to going to fitting in smaller clothes, being pain free, and able to breath without troubles. The troubles that come with this feeling is that sometimes it’s hard to remember that it takes hard work to keep the weight off, and start to take the new body for granted.

That sometimes fills the vanity in us as individuals. Hell there’s a whole industry built upon vanity. Plastic surgeries, make-up, the dietary market.  Gym memberships go up after the holiday’s in preparation for the summers for people to get that “beach body”. Some people feel that once the goal weight is reached, their work is done. I know better since I’ve done the diets, and it’s crazy to see that the hard work has to be continued. That’s the only way to success.

I get baffled that people want to have the good looking body, yet they want to continue with bad eating habits, and an inactive physical life. I’ll admit, that looking better naked is a benefit to my weight loss. It was never the motivation that got me there, however the lady in my life doesn’t complain one bit. Health was the main focus, and while I was getting physically fit, I didn’t realize that my mental state was also getting better.

After everything that I’d gone through in the last several years, it was the surprise that mentally I was changing for he better as well. The food was poisoning my body, and the negative thoughts, the depression, the anxiety. These things were poisoning my mental well being.

When I was coming out of my mental break-down, I started to use positive reinforcement to change the direction of my life. I set out myself to be positive, more for myself than anything else. People around me have also benefited from my positivity, because I’ve been told that it’s brought their moods up  at various times.

It’s amazing to think that once I started to take the journey, it took steps to get the process  going. Finding the creative outlet was the start, giving myself a better hope for a future I wanted was the first step in this long process. It would take a bit of time before I would realize that I needed to physically change as well.

Once I took that path, this was something that I wasn’t counting on fundamentally changing me. I’ve not had any strong bouts of depression since, the six-week recovery process from my surgery. I’ve been stronger than ever, and I constantly push myself to do more activity. I have people come up to me at work and tell me that they watch me do my laps to get my steps in, and it’s a conversation that takes place in their offices. Not only that, but the inspiration I’ve been showing others, makes me feel good.

It takes time to change, it takes time to do things to improve yourself. It’s not surprising when bad habits come back in, because at first you think that it’s only this one time. Then later you give yourself the excuse that you won’t let it come back totally, but another time won’t hurt. That’s when the sense of false security falls in. It was about five or six months after my surgery, when I decided to try a donut. I had been around them for months, but I was able to resist them. This one time I decided why the hell not, that it wouldn’t hurt just to have one donut. I was wrong, and I felt like I was going to die for the next half hour. I don’t even know why the process of it was going through my head. I don’t have any desire to eat donuts, and honestly there are times that I might eat something because it’s there, but I realize it, and I try not to let it happen often.

The success in all of that is the fact that I weighed-in the other day, and I was down 153.7 pounds. It feels amazing, yet unbelievable to see that I’m sitting at 276.2 pounds right now. That means that I have about sixteen pounds to go before I hit my next small goal weight. Now that I’m over fourteen months out from my surgery, the weight isn’t falling off like it used to be, yet I still push and kick ass. With a BMI of thirty-nine-point-six, I’m feeling pretty fit. I know that I have a long ways to go before I get to the weight I want to be, but it still feels good for the success of my hard work. I’m not stopping now, and I don’t plan on stopping ever, because the after effects of the workout is part of what makes me feel better.

Just keep in mind that if at anytime you decide to change your life in any aspect, please, pay closer attention to the things you do, and why you’re doing them. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Buck Fifty and Some Change

So, I had waited a few weeks before I decided to weigh myself. I was fully dressed and it was the middle of the day when I decided to get on that scale and check my weight. There’s days that I don’t feel that I’m doing well enough on my journey for weight loss, and when that happens, I don’t feel confident enough to check my weight. I had taken a week off from my personal training because I had changed to the night shift at work.

This move has defiantly been a challenge to adjust, especially since I’ve never had to put in late hours like that before. The first week, was about me trying to adjust and not feel tired all day. Yet, that’s how the first week on night shift felt like I was in a zombie state all week. This week was far easier to handle.

Any way, taking that week off from my workouts, I had a week where I felt fat. That is something I still struggle with. I’m not sure that those feelings are going to go away at anytime soon. It’s the reprogramming from the years of abuse that I need to remember isn’t going to be undone in the foreseeable future.

Anyway, as I stepped on the scale, I weighed-in at 279.9. The  awesomeness also came in the fact that my BMI is at forty-point-two. It’s exciting to know that I’m still doing well, and that a week didn’t hurt to take off, at least I was still getting in my 10,000 steps in.

Great news in the weight loss journey, plus the fact that I’m also down another size in pants, I’m feeling really damn good about it. I’ve been working so hard to get down, and I still have a ways to go, but to have a non-scale victory is just as good, as seeing the numbers go down. As long as the motivation to keep moving and doing the best job to keep active goes, that’s the important part.

I want to give a shout out to some people that have come up to me in the last few weeks to thank me, and tell me that I’ve been an inspiration to them. Thank you, and also you’re welcome. This is the reason I started to use the CK Project as a tool. I wanted to be an inspiration for people to want to better themselves. So comments like that, just show that I haven’t been waisting my time by putting my stuff on social media. That’s a skill that I’ve been working on for a while now, and finding new avenues to present things would be. Remember that my main page for it is https://www.facebook.com/ChrisKeelingProject/ and I’m on Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, Snapchat, and newly MeWe. 

Not only am I about inspiring others, but I feel that we as a people need to help and look out for each other. I had an unfortunate situation at work as I learned that a co-worker had passed on while at home. I can’t say that I was completely surprised as he was starting to get up there in years, and he wasn’t in the best of health. The hard part is that the last time I had seen him, he had been looking a bit rough, and then hearing co-works say that he’d seemed different, and that they had feared that he was getting too sick to actually be effective at work, makes me sad. If you see something wrong with a co-worker, please say something. It might be the thing that might help to keep somebody from perishing before their time. I wish that I would have known that it was that bad, I would have suggested him to get checked out.

He was a great guy to know, and I think work will be a bit less bright with out him there. This has been the third death that has happened within the last few months that has hit a bit too close to home for me, but life goes on, and I hope that this doesn’t keep happening for a while. Too many good people have pasted lately and it’s emotionally taxing when you’ve got those who need the support because of their loss. It’s a painful reminder that we’re all getting older.

On another positive note, my eldest child got done with school this past week, and I’m proud that she’s got a bright future in front of her. I can’t believe that she’ll be eighteen soon, and ready to fly the coupe. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Push Forth Good Sir

Sunday, the day of rest. Well that’s the way it’s supposed to go, but this weekend it was the day that I pushed myself harder. My trainer Sam asked me if I’ve ever thrown up from working out. The answer was no, however today I pushed myself into a nauseous state. After I was done working out, I had to take a few minutes to myself in the car to gain some type of composure.

So goes my Sunday, I call it the iron church. I find myself going to the gym on Sunday’s more than any other day of the weekend. Our bodies are our temple. I feel that building a better me, means that I have to build a better temple, and what better way to sacrifice by blood, sweat, and hard work. I’ve been working out for almost a year. I’ve been doing the 10,000 steps for over a year now. I’ve gotten better about getting those in. I do have a days that I don’t feel like getting them in, and some days life gets in the way, however most days are filled with 10k plus. My current record stands at twelve days straight of getting in my steps. Since my fortieth birthday, I’ve been attempting to get in forty-days straight for my steps. This is a challenge I know I’ll eventually accomplish.

So I go to the gym today and do some treadmill. It wasn’t really about speed or distance, but I found out that I can do a seven-point-one, and I can keep it up for an amount of time. The biggest problem that I’ve been finding doing treadmill work is that I move, and no matter how tight I’ve tied my sweat pants, they seem to start to fall down.  After that I worked on arms, shoulders, and back a bit. I used heavier weight then I’m used to, and I push through the pain a bit. So, I’ll say that it was for the win today.

I was also rewarded with a non-scale victory today. After I came home and took a shower, I noticed the pants I was wearing were a bit big on me. The size of my pants were a 42×30, and that was the size I was in in 1997. So, without me checking my weight, it’s nice to feel that inches are still coming off. I’ll have to get that weight check in next weekend.

Besides pushing myself harder in my workouts. My circuit workouts, do also push me, by the way. I think people should do that in other parts of their lives. Wither it’s work, or  new experiences, it’s the perfect way to grow as a person. The sad part is that there are  too many people comfortable in what they are already doing.  I feel that people should strive to better themselves. You can always improve on something in your life. Health, wealth, learning. There’s always room for improvement. I’ve had many friends confess that they were scared of change. I’ll admit, that there’s a bit of hypocrisy as I write this. I want to change my station in life, but I haven’t just thrown “caution to the wind”. Though I am trying to get to the point were I will be doing what I want to do, instead of keeping it as a side thing at the moment.

If you’re feeling stuck in life, or bored of the way things seem to be going. I suggest pushing yourself into doing something new. Get out of the comfort zone. You’ll never know what you’re capable of until you do it. Sure, not all of it will be enjoyable, but there are going to be some amazing things that you’ll discover.  I feel that everything in life is about self discovery. That’s how I’m living my life these days. Every day brings something new for me to try.

I hope that you continue to follow my journey in life, as one of those things I’m planning on trying next is writing a motivational speech and see if I can get people to actually come and listen to what I have to say. I think blogging has been a great avenue that’s helped me become a better writer, and helped me sort of some of the issues that I deal with. Remember to catch me on my various other social medias as well. If you want to know, just send me a message and I’ll get back to you on it.  As always, this is the Director, and that’s a wrap.

 

One Year: Post Op

So, it’s been about a week since my one year anniversary of having my surgery. I was going to write sooner, but I had to sit back and reflect upon this past year. As I write this, I want to dedicate this specific blog to those who’ve had, thinking about having, or are going to have some sort of weight loss surgery.

Up until my surgery, I hated myself. I hated the body I had, and I hated that I had let myself get to the heaviest weight in my life. It’s truly a strange feeling to feel that I was trapped in a body that I didn’t belong in. It’s a outer body kind of experience when thinking about it. Being in someone else’s body, or at least that’s how it feels. Not believing in the image that reflects back in when looking in the mirror.

Going into this journey with a self loathing, and a feeling of hopelessness, was a big step for myself. Before I decided to take this step, I was ready to die. I was aware that I was slowly killing myself, and at the time before my decision, I didn’t care. This was part of the darkness of disparity. I let the weight and depression control me. I dealt with my pain with food.

While my surgery was a year ago, my journey had actually started almost a year prior, I started to walk and try to get a movement going to start the weight loss process, but I would grow frustrated because I would start to push myself and I would end up hurting myself.  Plus with the physical demands that I have at work, I was not able to heal correctly. I needed to do something, but I didn’t want to have surgery, yet after a few months, I ended up being introduced to somebody who was getting ready to have it, and that person was who helped lead me to that decision.

One of the things I had decided on, before I had the surgery was that I was going to document all the aspects of the process, including the negative aspects of it. The people who’ve had it have said that it was the best decision that they’ve ever made, and that they would do it again, but never talked about the struggles getting there.

The biggest things that happen when going through the surgery is that the abdomen gets pumped full of air. This caused me pain for about a week. It was as bad as when I get trapped air in my chest, which to think about, I don’t think I’ve had that happen in a very long time.  The recommended suggestion is to walk, that way it will help with relieving the gas.

The second hurdle to get through is how the feelings of remorse will hit. Being someone who follows Sleeve groups, I’ve noticed that people start to feel regret either right before, and they get nervous, or after it happened. The worst was when I got to the point where I could eat soft foods. I first time I could have something, it was the first taste that I had the moment of regret overcome me. My wife said that it sounded like postpartum depression. After she said that, it made sense. I did have two-thirds of my stomach removed, and it wasn’t like I could tell the doctors that I didn’t like the feeling so I decided that I wanted my stomach back. This feeling would follow me for several weeks off and on.

The biggest lesson learned was this: It’s a mental game, plain and simple. In truth that’s all the weight loss journey is. If you can mentally over come the reason of why the weight gain-mine was because I was an emotional eater. Depression and a few bouts of shit-getting-to-be-too-much, then the weight loss is a cake walk. Going into the surgery, I kept telling myself that it is a mental game. I went through the process up until that night of confident, and not nervous, until the reality hit about five hours before it was time.

The good news is that after a year, I’m down one-hundred-and-forty-five-pounds. The news that might surprise some people is this: It wasn’t just the surgery that got me there. I know that people might look at this as the easy way to lose the weight. Some might think that after the goal weight is reached, that eating whatever, and how much ever is the end goal. Don’t go with that pattern of thought, because it isn’t how things work. Yes, I lost a lot of weight quickly in the beginning. It felt good to lose fifty-pounds effortlessly. The rest of it has taken hard work and dedication. Life choices had to be changed in order to get myself here. The biggest suggestion the doctors said was to get in ten-thousand steps a day. It sounds like a lot, and holy shit, is it ever. That breaks down to a little over four miles in a day. Imagine traveling four miles by foot, every single day. I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t always get them in. two-thousand was a lot when I started trying to get my steps.

I started to do weight training to help lose the weight and get stronger. I have a personal trainer. Sam’s been a friend for years, and was glad to take me under his wing to help me lose the weight. The interesting part about my training is that it goes beyond the body, he’s also been helping me mentally and spiritually. I’m truly blessed to have his guidance in my life. With the training, my posture has gotten better, and my confidence has gone up. It’s fascinating to learn that the proper way to lift, and walk, when done right, feels a bit awkward.

So, for my final lesson, I have the most important piece of advice for anyone who wants to take the weight loss journey serious. Have a good support system in place. This is the biggest key to any success. My biggest supporters are my wife and kids. If she didn’t give a shit, then I would have not gone anywhere, but stayed the same. She is my biggest ally in all that I do. My kids want me around for a long time and they are also supportive, my son and I bound over going to the gym together one day a week. He learns, and I get to push myself so that he can see what the hard work and dedication does.

I want to thank the rest of my supporters- you who follow me on social media, subscribe to my blog, and those who know me in the real world, thank you. I’ve been blessed to share this journey with so many who’ve been nothing but supportive and positive. It’s nice to have people rooting for my success. For those who I’ve inspired, I want to give a particular shout out too, because this is part of why I do the things that I’m able to do. I needed to feel like I could help, and getting the heart-felt stories from people who call me their inspiration, it helps to know that is the way I’m going to help change the world, one person at a time.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Hitting A Bump In The Road

Today has been a day for many things. The first of such is my eighteenth year with my wife. Eighteen years ago we went out on our first date, and we’ve been together ever since. Today was also my weigh-in day, and I came in at 293.7. I hit a plateau and I felt really discouraged today.

It’s frustrating because I’ve been getting my steps in, as in I’m getting in 10,000 plus steps most days for the last few weeks, and I’ve been trying to get running in. I’m doing pretty good when I run, and I’m trying to get somewhere with work, so I’m trying to pass my physical test so that I can get a promotion at work.

I know that I’ll eventually pass this plateau, but it’s discouraging that after nine months, that I finally hit this mark. Yes, I’m aware that it happens to everyone, just not the greatest news. I might have to just ride this temporary stop on the journey. I’ll just have to keep going and not get discouraged enough to want to stop. Over all, I feel great, and I like when I work out. I’m just not sure if I should do a pouch reset or not yet.

Also, today is my eighteenth anniversary from my first date with my wife Sarah. I guess that means our relationship can vote now. For most of our relationship, we’ve been the youngest couple, but we’ve also seemed like the couple that been married the longest. It’s amazing how people have looked to us for advice in being married.

Every year, when something like this comes up, I never fail to mention that we’ve had our ups and downs. That’s no different than any other couple, and if somebody told you different, I’m sure they’re just trying to sell you something. The single biggest thing I think I’ve learned is that it gets easier the longer we’re together. Communication is key, and I’m going to repeat, and underline that. Communication is key!!!

I’ve observed that some of the couples I’ve known have split, and I’ve also noticed that lack of communication was the biggest part of that. If you want to succeed, please learn to communicate with your partner. The lack of communication was what almost brought  the down fall of my relationship. Once we were being more honest about our feelings, it helped us overcome some of the bigger issues that plagued our relationship.

The last five years have been an incredible journey with so much growth for myself, that I’ve find myself far humbled than I had ever been before. Now I find another challenge in front of me as we are dealing with Sarah having health problems. I find it difficult to have the words to say or reactions needed to comfort her as she’s started to develop depression.

It’s one thing when I’ve been dealing with it my whole life, but it’s another level when you have to start dealing with it as you get older. There’s frustration, confusion, and fear because you don’t get why these things are happening. I suppose that I could say that things will get better, but until things are answered about what is wrong, I can’t say that honestly, because there’s too many unknowns. The only thing I can guarantee is that I’m here to support her no matter what. I think that helps. but I haven’t been feeling very helpful towards her lately.

Trying is the best anybody can do. I can understand why people might turn away during these trying times. It’s a fear of losing those we love, and not wanting to have that level of grief in our lives. Yet, it isn’t far to those who are physically suffering from those ailments, and honestly, it’s a dick move.

This is just another challenge in the life we live and it won’t break us. I won’t allow it to break me, especially since I’ve come so far, and even if things haven’t taken off the way I would like them too, I’m not going to let things bring me down. There are better things coming in the future and I can’t wait to see where this journey and growth takes me.

Happy anniversary to my beautiful wife, as we’ll spend as many days as this life will give us. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.