I Slipped

I suppose I should start out by saying that I finally weighed myself the other day. It said that I had gained about twenty-pounds. I’m not surprised, I’ve become more self-aware that I realized that I started going the wrong way. My clothes weren’t fitting quite like they used too. However, I’m not going to let that keep me down. I know what I’ve been doing wrong, as even if the pandemic has hampered some of the things I had been doing, I do realize that I have been, and will be doing all that I can to correct my path and get on the right track.

The hard part is that I’ve let the situations in life distract me from my goals. I know that the last couple of weeks seem to be testing me, but I’ve not let it keep me down so far. I need to get that focus back, and I need to not let life hold me back. I know it’s all about how I react to the situations in life. With me finally getting off of the nightshift, I feel that I’m starting to get back on track to that motivation that I need. Crazy part is that in the beginning, the shift took a bit to get used too, but I was doing well. Even with the bum ankle that I had for the longest time I was going strong.

Then I came down with a case of food poisoning. It took me out for a week, but on the bright side, it did give me the time to fully heal my ankle. The shitty part was that it seemed to take forever to get that motivation back. This was also during the first part of the pandemic for Covid-19. I kept working though, just couldn’t seem to keep getting my motivation going. It would seem that I had all-the-time-in-the-world, but the truth is I got distracted by other things. I got involved with a situation that started to put me into a depressive fog.

The issue with that depressive fog was that I didn’t realize what it was at the time, and it really lasted for way too long. The pandemic also ended up limiting my time with my personal trainer, and again, I wasn’t as motivated to work out. These things combined; and I’m just not being as active as I could be. I could look at this as a failure and say that I feel like giving up, but that would be too easy. I’m not going to let this hold me back.

Update: Since I started writing this blog the other night, I had gone to the emergency room, thinking that I might have had a kidney stone, however after seeing the doctor, he thought that I should get my gallbladder checked out. I haven’t gotten the results back since I just went in on Monday, the twelfth. I discovered since my lowest weight, I’ve only gained a little over eighteen pounds. I know that it could have been far worse than it was. Like I said before, I could let this keep me down, however I choose to allow this to be a teacher, and I’m getting the focus back that I need to continue on to my success.

One of those things about the weight loss journey is that there are many companies that want you to think that it’s a complete slope going down hill once you lose weight. As a matter of fact, many companies tend to market off this idea, to “sell the illusion” to convince you to buy their product. People tend to gravitate to the idea, as a quick fix.

I’ve struggled with weight my whole life, and to say that I’ve never tried one of those fad diets would be a lie. I mean they do work, to some extent, but the whole concept is too keep you on “their” diet plan for as long as possible. My journey hasn’t been a straight down slope, as a matter of fact, I’ve hit a plateau for a long time. I didn’t let it keep me down, however, I do need to get that focus back. The positive is that I’m not starting over, and that I have a place of reference now, more than I ever did before.

The strange part is that I saw this coming, and I knew how it happened. The incredible part is that I’ve never been so in touch with my own awareness. For the longest time, at my heaviest. it felt like I was having an out of body experience. I felt like I was trapped in a body that wasn’t mine. Could this have ben a result of some trauma from my past? I think I might hit up one of my professional friends for some insight into this.

I think that this is part of that whole taking power back, and I know that I can do better, and will do better. I admit that I want to say that it feels like I let people down. I guess part of the transparency is the fact that we all slip and fall. The lesson is to get up and keep going. To quote the greatest storyteller of our time, Stan Lee, he would always use the word excelsior. If you look up the Latin meaning, it’s meaning is ever upward https://www.dictionary.com/browse/excelsior.

I think about the man, Stan Lee, and how his stories have impacted my life. It’s excelsior that seems to be something that’s hitting me more and more these days. I mean look at The CK Project, it’s about mental health, weight loss, improving one’s self. It’s about ever upward. It’s about pushing yourself in a forward direction.

I’m surprised that it hasn’t hit me as hard mentally as I would have expected, but then again, I think the fact that I’m staying busy keeps me from having those stupid thoughts from coming in. Don’t you hate it when your mind tells you those negative things? I have had this conversation recently with people that I care about. It sucks that we tend to self-sabotage ourselves of our potential, of our happiness.

I will say that it felt good to get a podcast the other day for The CK Project, https://open.spotify.com/show/0Zy347qxMYe8Py7W3eVIAA. We addressed World Mental Health, as it’s something that still isn’t always talked about. Plus, what ever we’ve been dealing with behind the scenes, is helping pump up my motivation, and we’re trying to set some new, reasonable goals. It’s all about finding a way for our work flow to be more effective.

Keep finding those things that make you thrive. Too much in this world seems to want to keep people down from living and being happy. Some people want to say that working and making money is living. I say that working and money is the way to survive. Being a motivational person, and a filmmaker is the way I live. For so long I let other people dictate to me what living was all about, and right now I can say that they’re wrong. You want to know the secret? Passion! That’s the thing that people should discover for themselves to survive, what they are passionate about.

I’m working on being more effective for those who follow my stuff, and I’m trying to diversify what content I do bring unto you. I know that we are making some strides in places that’s going to lead to some of the most incredible stuff that we can provide. I can’t wait to share all those plans, because next year is going to be a productive year.

As always, thanks for checking out the blog. Please like, and subscribe. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Life Gets Busy

I was working on the nightshift for the last eight-months, and for the last three-weeks, I’ve been fortunate to be on a better schedule with work. I like the swing-shift because it’s the only shift that doesn’t deal with four-in-the-morning. I hate that hour, and my son has referred to it as the farmer’s hour. He says that there shouldn’t be anyone up at that time of the day…unless you’re a farmer.

I get my full weekends back and to me that’s a glorious thing. Work goes by so much faster, and I’m getting back on a living schedule. My workouts are starting to get back to where they need to be, and I continue to study to get my personal trainers certification. I am busy.

As with everything else in life, things have taken unexpected turns, here and there. I had recently lost a long time associate of mine to Covid-19 related complications. She was my former pastors wife. Yeah, I have friends on both sides of the aisle when it comes to the opinion of if Covid-19 is real, and yes I’ve heard both sides of how deadly they think it really is, but the truth is, those who’ve said they don’t believe, haven’t had been affected by it themselves yet.

I don’t mean that contracting it is the only way, but by a family member. I’ve seen people change their opinion once something like that has happened to a cousin, or a grandparent. It’s sad that is what it all comes down to sometimes. Welcome to a reactive society, That’s not to say that I’m not at fault for being this way at times as well.

I hate going to the hospital, getting checked out. It’s inconvenient and honestly there are times that I’d rather not know. I’ve gotten better over the years about going when I have to, and not just tough it out. I also realize that I’m getting of the age where, I’m going to have to get more check-ups and have the more uncomfortable examinations done. I guess that’s part of the price for getting older.

I accept the fact that I’m getting older, after everything I went through, I’m a survivor. I almost wasn’t here six-years-ago. I almost took my own life. Why? Because I hated myself, and I had all this negative energy around me that I couldn’t breathe. Back then, I didn’t really believe in energies like that, but as I’ve gone on this journey, I’m believing in a lot more now than I ever used too.

That’s why I want to be positive. I’ve heard quoted often, What you speak, you put into the world. I don’t want to be negative, and I don’t want to be that guy who talks shit about people. I want to be better, and there are times that I’ve fallen back into bad habits, however, I try and continue to strive forward with growth.

One of those ways, was that I found a love of education, knowledge is something that helps me to continue on the path of personal maturity. I figured that with getting my personal training certificate, that it’s another notch that I can add to the CK Project. It’ll help me, help others, and I know that I want to specialize in bariatric weight loss. I kind of do that anyway, since people have been looking at the changes that I’ve gone through over the last several years.

I can’t believe that I had my surgery almost three-years-ago. It’s crazy on the journey that I’ve taken, so much has changed. Besides feeling better physically, mentally I’m better. My goals are more in focus, and confidence is up. This was the win, and yes, I would do it all over again if I had too.

That’s not to say that it hasn’t had down times. I mean I think that the recovery of my surgery was mentally one of the toughest things I had ever gone through. Honestly, even today, I have noticed that I’ve fallen back on a few bad habits. I think the biggest thing there, is the fact that I’m more aware of it, and I’m trying to break myself of those old habits.

I think the year 2020 has been a bit more of a train wreck for the world than most years. We’re dealing with a pandemic, a virus that not much is known about, and political/social events that’s changing the way I personally view people.

I know that we’ll come out of this, and we’ll get some sense of normalcy that people seem to be in desperate need of. I just don’t think that it’s going to be the normal everyone seems to be looking for. Why would I ever say that? Why would I wish that things wouldn’t go back to everyone’s definition of normal?

Remember I said that what you speak, you put into the world? That doesn’t mean that I’m trying to doom anyone to being stuck in this strange new life of social distancing, and “oppression”. I’m just trying to be realistic with my expectations. I know that this isn’t something that everyone wants to hear, yet that’s my feeling on the subject.

Life goes on, that’s something people should find comfort in. Even if this pandemic continues on for a bit longer, it will eventually be something that we’ll be able to deal with in a more productive manner. This has been a great time to reflect and get things done that needed to be done. Also with the odd things that have come with being stuck at home, it was a good time to try new hobbies that people might have wanted to learn. I know that I decided to get back into writing and developing things, and becoming busier with learning about the sciences behind personal training.

That’s something that I’ve been enjoying, yet it’s caused me to put my focus in several directions, and I don’t feel like I’m getting anything done anymore. Some of the stuff that I am learning has been kind of surprising that I should have already know some of it. The big thing is that finding out the different training styles to get the right effects for the training.

Side note: This blog has taken me a few days to get finished, and I’m not going to lie, it feels like I’ve used the whole life gets busy thing before. I’m going to try and not be like that from now on and keep posting. I’ve been struggling with getting everything in order since I got off the nightshift, and I’m still adjusting to the idea that I can get things done again. Eight months was so long to with the nightshift, and I’m still trying to used to actually getting content out as I will be getting more stuff done.

I’ve got a podcast on the brain, unfortunately, it seems that even our weekends have kept us from producing them. I will be doing on as soon as I can, I promise.

I think that I want to say a few things that we do have coming up with the content. As you all may know, I’ve been working on a project that I call The Driver, well it’s still in post production as I’ve been a bit busy with other things, and it’s not like we can really do a whole lot during the pandemic, however I’ve been meeting with my team, and we’ve been coming up with somethings that we think will have people entertained once we get the go ahead to producing. One of the projects is going to be a radio show that’s got off-the-cuff humor with improv, and while we’ll be putting it out as background content for our shared universe, we’ll be giving episodes out like a podcast, and we’ll keep the uncensored stuff for a Patreon type deal.

With that being said, this blog was long over due. The podcasts are long over due, so this is the director and that’s a wrap.

If I’m Stuck, What Do I Do?

What a crazy time we’re in. I find myself struggling with motivation. It’s not because I don’t have my training time with Sam, and it’s not that I don’t have access to a gym. While both are true, neither are a good excuse for slacking off. I’ve been struggling since my time in the Emergency Room from a couple of weeks ago. It drove me crazy to have to sit at home and relax. I then found it hard to get the steps, that I would normally get. It’s been something that I’ve been dealing with for a few weeks, and I’m now trying to get to the point where I’m back in the flow of things.

The good point is that it was a bad reaction to something I ate and not the Coronavirus, and yet here I am, feeling a bit defeated by it. I know that all my progress won’t be undone over night, and to be honest, I’m still eating better than I used too. However, I’m in the process of getting that motivation back and working out.

This week was the week that I decided that I was going to be determined to get everything back on the right track. This world is in a bad place now, and I don’t think that I should let it bring me down to mental levels that I had been before. I want to live, and not just that, but I want to keep my family safe. Being someone who’s considered essential personal, and that would be on a normal basis as well, I have to brave being out in the public dealing with people.

As scary as that is, there have been reports made publicly that we’ve had a case of the virus from the area of where I work. My job is taking what precautions that they can to keep us safe, however, nothing’s ever 100-percent safe. This is the time that I’m glad to be working nights, which limits my exposure to the public.

Surprisingly enough, as much as  I wish normalcy would be back in our everyday lives, I find myself wondering if we will rise up as a people, and come out better because of it. My curiosity is wondering how money is invested, and which technologies are going to be the next big thing. Is this going to change the way people interact on an everyday basis? There’s just the concern that not everyone is taking things serious. With that mentality, we could prolong the time for this to die out. People are already complaining that it’s going on too long as it is.

The sad part is that we’re just now seeing how this epidemic is effecting us, and not just from the health point of view. Businesses that people have gone too for years are shutting their doors, never to reopen. This makes me sad because I know that these places provided income and livelihoods to people in our communities. This was someone’s life, who wanted to own their own restaurants, their own books stores. It’s about people’s life savings being used as investments, just to be obliterated into nothingness.

I actually had a conversation about seeing a news report saying that due to inactivity of businesses and people going out, our environment has improved a bit. While that’s a silver lining, does this mean that we, as a people, will take into serious consideration, renewable energy, green energy. If there was ever a convincing example, this is the time to listen. Alas, people will probably go back to the way things were, as money is the driving factor in this world, and that’s been proven time and time again.

There have been some wonderful examples that have been displayed during this time as well. Celebrities pitching in to donate for medical supplies. Big corporations like Disney, stepping up and continuing to pay their employees, even if they’re not working. It shows that we can be a better society than we normally show to be.

Just a side note: As of this moment, it’s been a few days since I’ve started writing this blog, and I’ve noticed a few things that I will talk about in the upcoming paragraphs.

While I was working last night, I noticed something that I hadn’t really thought about since I ended up having those weeks of taking it easy. The fact was that I finally gave myself enough time to finally get my ankle to be completely healed. It took forever since I was still trying to workout, without losing the momentum I had built up over the last couple of years.

I guess that was the way life was saying the I needed to take that time to allow my body to recover fully. I had never thought of that until I was doing my steps last night. I had finally noticed that the strain was gone from my leg. Hell, even my foot was feeling better than it had been for the last couple of months as well. I’ll take all the struggles that I’ve bee going through as a way of saying that I needed to slow down.

Isn’t it funny how divine intervention happens? Some people want to say that it’s God speaking to them, some want to put it all into fate, or the universe talking to them. It just means that I can get back into training harder again. While this quarantine is going on, I know that when I go out shopping for the necessities that I might see if I can pick up some extra weights while I’m out. I never thought that I would actually want to get something for the house just so that I can do home workouts a bit more effectively.

Speaking of divine intervention, isn’t it a strange thought to know that while this is happening to us with the Coronavirus, that we’re more equipped to stay connected while keeping up with social distancing? I mean look at where our technology is? Amazon, Facebook, FaceTime: just a few of the ways we can reach out and get things done, while staying in the comfort of our homes. I find that video chatting is such a better way to communicate than just through texting or a phone call. It feels like more of a connection to that other person.

It’s easier to shop from home and get things delivered to your house. This makes me wonder what’s going to happen when we get through this pandemic. Where are we going to invest in technology? What businesses are going to survive this recession? How is this going to change the way business is done? These are the things that I’ve been thinking about for some time now.

I was watching a news report on Youtube, it was talking about how the air quality has improved noticeably since the world has been on a quarantine status. It felt like it was one of those silver linings that can be seen during such times of trouble. If anything, it might be a good advertisement for investing in green, renewable energy. I want to be optimistic and hope that the world looks at this as a chance to do better with the way we treat our planet and the people around us.

This was a point that I had made with someone I was dealing with at work, and while they had the point of saying that people will go back to being the way they had been before any of this happened. I know that’s probably the most likely factor as unto what is going to happen, I just wish that it wasn’t the case. Money is what drives society, and I am morose at that idea.

We can do better. We should do better. I’m not ready to resign to people accepting the fate of our own destruction. I think that we can, and should do better. If not for ourselves, then for our children, and our grandchildren. This is the opportunity for the world to take the steps forward and make things better for the future. Non of us should accept the fact that our planet is going to be fodder and have a limited time for people to live here. I don’t want to actually live in a world that’s become like Judge Dredd, or Mad Max. While the stories are entertaining, it’s not the kind of world I would really like to be a part of.

Some final thoughts: I found myself having a bit more motivation in doing the things that I need to do for my health. I’m not totally lost in this craziness, and things are getting easier to complete. I’m going to remain hopeful because if I don’t, I might find myself getting depressed about the subject. I struggle right now because I’m considered Essential Personnel, and not in any “temporary” type status. My job has always been considered essential. It worries me, because I deal with so many people in the public. However, being on nightshift, and talking to people who work at different sections at the compound that I work, they are doing their best to limit exposure as well. So, maybe I won’t be exposed to this mess, and in turn, keep my immune deficient family members safe. This has been where all my stress and focus has been as of late. This is part of the reason that I’ve been playing Animal Crossings: New Horizons as a distraction. It’s some of the most pure and wholesome entertainment that I partake with.

Take care of yourselves. Take this situation serious. If not for yourself, then for those around you, because we’ve had deaths, and some of them have been healthy and in consideration, young. We already now that older and youth, are high risk, as well as those who have compromised immune systems. Do your best to stay out of the exposure area. I personally know four people who’ve been dealing with it, and so far their stories have seemed a bit different, and some of the facts about it have been shocking and frustrating, for these individuals. With that, I’m the director, and that’s a wrap.

Food Journal Time

I started a food journal on my Tumblr account a couple days before the new years, and I’m finding it surprisingly effective. While, my format isn’t at the complete place I want it to be, I am starting it, and I will evolve it until I get what I’m ready to put down all the information I’m going to keep track of. This is because I feel like I need to do a bit of research first.

The plus side of keeping track is that it actually makes me think about what I’m doing before I decide to eat something. This I feel is a counter to the mindless eating that I’ve done in the past. It’s easy when you sneak a bite here or there, but doing this and keeping honest is a way to remind myself, is that snack really going to be worth it in the end.

I’m eventually going to turn it into a calorie, carb, protein tracker as well. This way we will see what I’m actually doing with my intake. I know that this is just another step to get myself into a better health situation. Not that I haven’t been doing well so far, but I know that I can do so much better, and progress is the way to go.

I started my journal on Sunday, December twenty-ninth. So far it hasn’t been bad. I know that I started out doing the same when I was tracking for Weight Watchers, but I find that I have more resolve and a better commitment now. Though having the points be automatically calculated for you was nice, and made things less complicated. I think that having to do the math and calculations myself will be more beneficial as a part of my weight loss journey.

It’s interesting where this journey continues to take me. I mean yes I’ve plateaued, but I find mentally things are still changing. I’m getting more focused, and I realized that I let things slide for too long. I think this is prepping me for better things to come.

Mentally, I’m on fire! I’ve put out three scripts that I plan on getting filmed this year, and I know that I’m not even done with the final scripts on two of those projects. I’m more determined to get past 260 and have committed to getting a full 366 days of 10,000 steps plus this year.

As I had said in a previous blog, 2020 is going to be an even bigger year. The CK Project is going better, faster, stronger, and there’s no stopping the momentum. On top of that, one of my closest and best friend’s getting ready to embark on this weight loss journey too.

I’m proud that he’s decided to get a consult with West Medical because they are a great company, and they’ve helped me get my life back on track. I think it will help my friend in so many ways, and it’s great because he’s one of  the closest people that I would consider like a brother. I’ve watched him also struggle with his weight, and see how it’s affected him. It’ll be even more interesting because we are similar, and would get called by each others name at work.

The thing that I provide him is that support that he needs. It was something we had talked about way before even considering getting weight loss surgery, and it was one of the reasons that I had decided to get it. I wanted to go through it, and give the report of the good and the bad of the whole process. It’s something that we’ve kept talking about, and I’m excited that I can help with first hand experience for him.

I think it’s a bit bittersweet because I have my skin removal surgery consultation on my birthday, and one and a half hours later, he has his first consultation. My family and I will be there to support him, and I hope that it helps get him cured of his diabetes.

Let’s talk about keeping up the momentum, as of today, January seventh, 2020, I’ve had thirteen-days straight of getting an average of around 15,000 steps. My promise to get a year full of 10,000 plus steps had started just a few days after Christmas, and I plan on keeping up with the momentum. This, as well as the food journal is just the start for reaching even higher places in my weight loss journey.

This journey is wonderful, and even with all the time I felt less than motivated, and there were moments that I thought that I might want to give up, I haven’t. I’ve gotten into my own head with self-doubt at times, being left in my own thoughts have caused me to feel less than successful. However, I’ve come a long way, and I will continue to go for as long as I can. Part of that success is that support system I have.

I know that I’ve mentioned it a few times, but it’s true. A good support system can make things seem so much less effortless, than doing it on your own. Plus, I’ve had the privilege to be other’s support systems too. The network continues to grow. The human connection gets bigger, and I can’t even tell you how much these people mean to me.

It’s like paying it forward. I found people whom had already gone through the process of weight loss surgery, and then they supported me as I had gone through it on my own. Now, I get to help guide people as they start on their own journey’s. I’ve met people whom have had a variety between the surgery choices that are offered, and I’m continuing learning more about the various processes that this journey intel’s.

One of the things that they all have in common, is they all show the beauty of their souls with the results that changed their lives. They are all encouraging, and just the most amazing group of people I’ve ever met.

That’s not to say that every person has a success story. I’ve read about people who’ve got horror stories from their experiences. Some have regrets that they had the surgery. I’ve not actually talked to many of them, though I had a few who talked to me in person about their concerns for me going through the process.

The only real advice I could give anyone about making this decision is that you have to think about what you want to do. You have to conceder that not everyone wants to see you succeed. There are too many people who are all too happy too “troll” you. Find your pack, your support system. Listen and follow your doctor’s orders. Keep in mind that most of your struggles are going to be more mentally than physically. There are things that might not make sense, like why do you have to lose weight before the surgery? It’s because they want the liver to have less fat for when they go in to do the procedure.

You’re going to plateau, and it’s going to happen several times over. As a matter a fact, it’s going to seem like you’ll be stuck forever. I know the times that it happened for me, it felt like eternity, but in reality, just a few weeks. Just keep going, consistency is key. You hear it all the time with in the fitness world. The doctor’s will tell you to walk, and they’ll say 10,000 steps. At least that was the number I heard. That’s over four-miles-long. At first it’ll seem like the hardest thing to do. I started out just getting between 2,000 to 4,000 steps. Just keep active, and it gets easier. Replace food coping with life, with exercise, or an active life style.

It’s the mindset, it’s the changes that will come physically, and mentally. Things will surprise you. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

Two-Days, Down With the Sickness

I had a horrible pain on Wednesday, and I had to come home. I left work, right as it was starting. It started out as what felt like a gas pain, but I hadn’t had a gas pain like that since my surgery. So I came home and rested. I even went so far as to actually take a nap, which is a rarity. The funny part of it is, I don’t remember the last time I actually called off of work for myself.

It seems like I’m calling off because of a sick family member or some emergency pops up that needs to be taken care of. I don’t really get sick like I used too because I’ve lost so much weight, and I exercise regularly. I guess that is one of the many benefits I got from the gastric sleeve.

I started to feel better, later that night, but because of a rough night’s sleep, I woke up feeling much worse. I do feel grateful that I was able to rest up yesterday though. I’ve been around sick people everywhere, family, friends, co-workers. It’s been crazy that it took me so long to actually feel something. I think it was a bit more than gas, and the two-days off gave me some much needed time to recharge my battery.

I spent yesterday watching video’s on Youtube learning about script writing, and Adobe After Effects, because that’s part of what I want to do in life. That and it gave me sometime to start typing up my next draft of Life Happens. It was nice to apply what I was learning in the video and using it on my own projects.

I was trying to use my down time wisely, and I think I did okay for it. I hate being sick because it throws everything else off into a wild abandon, and seeing how many steps I lacked, caused me to be bummed out. It seems that I hate lazy days, I feel like I need to do something at least a little bit.

I did decide to do my workout session today with Sam. While doing my circuit training, we’ve been pushing me to go four rounds without a break in-between, however, I had to take a break today before my fourth round because I was feeling a bit on the weak side. I’m feeling it today. My shoulder is a bit sore, and my hip was hurting as I was doing my last set of V-ups. It felt like it needed to pop, and it hurt bad. I’m sure if I would have popped it, that it would have hurt like a bitch.

I actually had to take a few moments after my workout today to actually rest. I felt like I hadn’t worked out in some time. It’s weird how your body tells you that you haven’t been feeling in pique condition like that. It’s those times that make us feel old, at least I did.

I’m trying to be more mindful about engaging my different muscle groups when working out. I know that the core muscles are always supposed to be used to during most exercises. I even squeezed my gluts during my squat session. I wasn’t feeling that today though. My deadlifts was a bit off as well. The soreness is what surprises me, because it doesn’t happen too often.

The more you workout, the better you feel. Not only that, but your body tolerates and heals at a better speed. These are things that I’ve noticed since I have been working out. I’ve also noticed that when working out, I can feel the blood pumping in my muscles.

A couple of things that I need to do to improve even more is watching my carbs. I’ve been good at being a bit more mindful of them. The other part is that I have to get out of my mind about food, and pay attention to my body. I find that I snack when we’re watching a movie, or I get a bit bored. I keep telling myself that, I’m better than that, but it’s a habit that I’ve slid back into.

How many bad habits do you have that you’re aware of? Have you taken steps to improve upon them? Value experience in life, it’s a great teacher, and if you get into some shit, that’s what show’s what you’re made of, or what you need to do to be made of. These are interesting times my friends, and all we can do is embrace life, and take it by the reins.

Feeling better is going to put me back on the right track to getting getting past the plateau. I’ve been stuck between 260 and 265 for several months, and it’s frustrating, but at the sometime, I’m thankful that whatever bad habits I’ve found hasn’t put me into the ten-twenty pound plus. I’ll take that as a win.

Anyway, that’s a wrap from the Director. Have a good night, and take care of yourselves.

Sometimes We Fail, and Sometimes We Succeed

So this week turned into a week that had both ups and downs when it came to my progress in life. I was trying to get a promotion at work, and it got denied. I was told that I was very close to passing the interview and test process, yet I came up short. While I had a very common response from co-workers about the results, I feel that the blame was to be put on my shoulders.

I was talked too, and advised on ways to improve and I could apply again in six months. The truth is, I feel that I was just stuck too much in my head, and my confidence wasn’t where it needed to be. The interview was different from any other type of interview that I’ve ever had. Couple that, with the fact that I hadn’t really had an interview for anything in about a decade, I just wasn’t quite ready for what was ahead of me.

I’m not taking this as something negative, because it just goes to show that I need to work on presenting myself better for the next time. I’m also going to reach out and look for other options that might be out there. All I do know is that it’s time for me to really start looking for something that would provide me with a better income while I work on my brands.

I wasn’t going to let that bit of news dictate my week, instead I had some fantastic news in the form of a non-scale victory. I decided to purchase an extra-large, shirt to have something to work towards in my weight loss journey. The best part is that it fit really well. I mean it hasn’t even been two years since my surgery, and I’ve gone from a five-x in shirts, to an extra-large. I’ve also gone from a three-x in athletic shorts, and I can fit into a large. All this in just about a year-and-a-half.

This news has put a positive feeling in my life, and I’m carrying it as far as I can. I seem to be maintaining weight at 260, and as of now I’m okay with that. I’m still moving down somewhere at least. How my clothes are fitting is just as important as the numbers on the scale.

I still have to set an important appointment with my doctor about setting up a date to get my extra skin removed. The last appointment I had, the doctor said that it’s probably about twenty-pounds of skin to remove. Twenty-pounds? That’s crazy! My only issues about it is this; the unsightly scar that will be left, and the pain.

I know the scar issue seems a bit small, I mean who’s going to actually see me without a shirt on, except in my house? I know that it’s a bit of a vanity thing, and they do say that ego get in the way of smart choices. Still, I’ve got more than enough scars to last me a life time. Everything from surgical scars, to acne, keloids, and stretch marks. I’m gonna do it still because it is twenty-pounds.

The second issue I have is the pain that comes with recovery of the surgery. I have someone that I currently follow on Instagram just go through the skin removal process, and I’m watching and waiting to see how her process goes. I’m sure going to reach out to her and ask her questions as she progresses along. I’ve heard people say that it’s about one of the worst pains in regards to recovery. I hope that I’m not going to get in my head that way.

If there was anything that I learned from this week, is that I have a wonderful support system. As for the job, my co-workers  gave their reactions, and the next response was, what kind of help do I need to get me to that promotion status. This last year at my job has renewed my faith in my fellow man. I’ve been able to connect, and make better friends with them.

I know that most people look at work as a way to make money, and that they aren’t there to make “friends”. While I some what agree with that, it helps if you can get along with them. It makes the monotony of the day go by easier. I’ve been in spots that co-workers would rather back stab people to get themselves farther up the ladder. I’ve been “thrown under the bus” too many times to count.

I don’t know if it’s because my own attitude has changed, but I’m truly amazed by all the support I’ve gotten over the last few years. I find that my biggest obstacle in anything is myself. There are times that my insecurity issues sabotage my success, but that doesn’t happen as much as it used too. Having control over the way I react to things is liberating to say the least.

Anyway, that about sums up this little piece of mind. This is the director and that’s a wrap.

Running With Fifteen Seconds To Go

The unknown is something that can be scary, and with the fact that I’ve come a long way since the last time I had to do a run for work, the fat person inside of me kept telling me that I couldn’t do it. Everyone kept telling me that I could in fact make the run because I had been keeping active, walking ten-thousand steps a day. Also the fact that I’ve lost so much weight and I’m in better shape than I have been since high school. Everyone was saying that I could do it….

As much as I’ve grown over the last five years, and the bounds over the last couple, I still have so much to do. I appreciate the support that I get, and even with my-self doubt, it sometimes takes a perspective that I won’t normally get. I was told that no matter what happened, I already got further than I had before, and I should be proud of what I accomplished. That was the right thing that I needed to hear, and to that individual, thank you so much. It did help get me out of my head.

I have a great support system, and to be honest, I’ve got an amazing group of friends that I get to call my co-workers. It wasn’t always the feeling I got, but I can say that I’ve learned just how amazing some of those people are. To those people who were there to run and support me, thank you. You helped get me to the end, even when I wanted to give up.

So now the question is where do I go from here? What’s the next step in my evolution process? I know that I’m going for a promotion, which could get me about $10,000 more per year. This will help me for so many things that I’ve got going on in my life right now, meaning three brands, paying off debts, bettering my family’s situation. It only makes since that I take that next step.

So, if we do the mental check list, so far I’ve gone and done a huge over haul of my mental health, and I’ve also done an over haul of my physical health. It only makes sense that I work on improving the professional side of things. I feel that with the whole self improvement concept, that would be the next step. Going for a promotion will also put me on an unlikely career path, but I’m coming up with a game plan and I think that this will be a step in the right direction while I fix the rest of my life.

Motivation is the only way to accomplish everything in life. Since the surgery, I’ve slowly become more and more motivate to do things. It’s strange to realize how much more I motivated I am about obtaining my goals in life. I can’t believe that I ever tried to settle for the “safe” path, and not continue on to grab for a greater glory.

I get that people suggesting going the “safe” path generally mean well, but at the same time, in hindsight, I wonder why they never decided to pursue their dreams? Is it because they are afraid to take the risks necessary to fulfill their dreams? The old cliche, “nothing worth doing is ever easy,” remains true.

While I don’t talk about my career directly, it’s just a job that pays the bills. Now what I do for a living everybody knows; I’m a motivational personality, a filmmaker, and professional geek. If it wasn’t for me following my passions, I wouldn’t be alive today. These things are what literally saved my life.

So, how does this all attribute to my weight loss journey? How does this apply to mental health? That’s simple, everything I do, tends to be interlinked with each other. Physically, if you feel better, than your mental state tends to follow. I was surprised at what kind of changes the surgery brought to my mental state. I’m a changed person. People who’ve only known me for about a year, have mentioned how different I am, and I continue to evolve.

The weight loss journey has introduced me to a community of like minded individuals, and I love the support we all have for each other. I met this one person who I’ve been following on Twitter for the last several months go from about 240 pounds, and she weighed-in last week at just under 200. It was exciting to see her video reaction at the news. I was proud, and I feel like a cheer leader with watching her and her enthusiasm that she presents everyday as she takes that step forward. Cabi, if you do get to read this, well done. I’m glad that I get to experience you journey with you.

With that being said, tomorrow I get to go to my next weigh-in with the doctor, and we are going into day four of our No Zero Day May challenge. The challenge is for whoever participates in the challenge to have at least thirty-minutes of activity everyday for the whole month of may. I got this challenge off  Tumblr and I presented it to my various social medias. I’ve gotten participation from people on Facebook, and I’ve been reached out too on Twitter as well. We are trying this as our first group challenge, and we are going to see how well it goes. If it runs smoothly, I will have more challenges going, and I’ll offer some sort of prize in the future, and hopefully it will motivate people to participate more.

This is the Director and that’s a wrap.

 

Uncharted Territory!

As I write this, I’m in total awe at the fact that did a weigh-in today and saw 266.5. I had to have my personal trainer double check for me because I can’t seem to process these numbers anymore.

I’m living in a surreal time of my weight loss journey. I wonder does this happen to anybody else? I’ve always been good with math, yet the numbers on the scale look foreign to me. It’s taking longer to process if I really did lose the weight, or if I gained, even if the numbers did go down. It’s strange and exciting to see numbers that I’ve never seen before and the reward of knowing that I’m that much closer to my goals are just that much more fulfilling.

I’m always asked how do I feel? As I’ve said several times before, physically I feel great, but it’s so much more than just the physical. Mentally, I’m more on point than I have ever been. I haven’t had a sever depressed episode since about the time of my recovery of having the gastric sleeve done. I’ve heard people suffer from a depressed state in later years for one reason or another, like the skin is hanging too loose, or that the weight has been gained back.  I wonder if some people just can’t remember why they had the surgery in the first place? I know that when I made the decision to get the sleeve, that it was going to be a life change. I knew that I was going to have to change several of the fundamentals of my personal belief system to succeed.

Part of succeeding was to learn how to get out of my own head about things. I was well enough versed in my own mind to know that I had to be willing to accept the changes that needed to happen when it came to food. I knew that I couldn’t use food as a drug to get me through the tough times that I would face in the future. I’ll be the first to admit that there were times that I didn’t think I was going to be strong enough to make it, and I had to battle that in my mind for a long time as well.

The first hurdle that I had to over come was the concept of not eating and drinking at the same time. Yes, I realize that I sometimes still do, but nowhere near the amount I used to, and if I get too carried away, then I’m the first to feel the regret of my choices. Surprisingly, I thought this was the biggest choice that I had to make.

The second choice, which you would think would be the first is accepting that food wasn’t the answer to everything. Using it as a drug to cope with various situations in life wasn’t as hard as I thought. I’ll admit to also occasionally grabbing a snack, even if I don’t need it, but then I catch myself afterward to remind me not to do it again. I see that old habits try to sneak back in at times, at least I’m more aware of myself than I was before.

Getting back to the point at hand, I’m in a place in my journey that I can’t seem to comprehend. It feels so good to know that I’ve gotten to a place that I don’t even remember seeing 266 on any weight scale while in school. It’s amazing to know that my hard work as paid off, as I’ve seen and compared my blood results from the past two physicals that I’ve had done, and the numbers are so different. Life is so exciting, and I wish all my problems where that easy.

If you ask anyone who’s been successful in the weight loss surgery department, they’ll tell you that it was the best decision in their lives. If you ask them what triggered them to do that, you might get similar answers. Mine was I got to a point that I was afraid that I’d get so bad that I would never be able to come back from it. The fear of death is a big motivator. This kind of change is good, and don’t let anyone tell you that getting weight loss surgery is “taking the easy way out”. There’s a reason it’s called a tool, and that’s just to get you jump started on a new path to help lose the weight, and I’ll only give the surgery for about eighty pounds of my weight loss. I know for a fact that my success is from the fact that I bust my ass and put the work in.

Putting the work in hasn’t just paid off in the weight loss department, but mentally it has affected me too. It’s given me a focus that doesn’t allow me to get depressed like I used too, plus it’s motivated others, which in turn seems to keep me motivated to do more. The comments from people seeing me walk around and telling me that it’s been a topic at where they work, makes me feel pretty good.

Another aspect with everything I’m doing with my weight loss has made me a better person. I’m being told that a change in the way I present myself is noticeable. I’ve noticed that I’ve become a better friend, a better husband, and a better father. I find that I’ve become more passionate about life, and the things that I do. I get excited to share all the deeds that I’m currently obtaining in life with my co-workers. I find confidence in how I interact with people, and I no longer apologize for who I am.

I’ve always had a strong personality, and I often say that I’m hard to forget. While some of the things I say can appear that I’m a bit conceded and I have an ego. I don’t feel that I have to say sorry for who I am. This is what makes me the person I am. I’m happy to help people, and show them a way to a better self, if only they give me the chance to provide that guidance. The best part is that people are noticing that I’m going somewhere, and that I’m always willing to take them along on this journey. This is the Director, and that’s a wrap.

Connecting Flights on The Weight Loss Journey

Sometimes, we get wonder what it is that puts us on this earth and wonder what’s our purpose here? For as long as I remember, I’ve always wanted to entertain, and make people happy. As I got older and matured, I was fascinated with the idea of causing different emotions by my performances. There was something that was always intoxicating about the power of influence.

I’ve also always wanted to help people, sometimes that ended up being a fault, because not everyone wants help, and they’d throw it in my face, or take advantage of my good graces. So, I’ve become cautious over the years because of it. The expression of experience is the best teacher is very true, almost unfortunate to a fault at times. I’ve had a lot of lessons taught to me because of this.

Sometimes, these lessons come in unexpected ways, and lessons that I wouldn’t expect happened. I had a time where I felt like I stopped growing and learning, and it caused me to be unsatisfied. In all honesty, I would love for Luckey Bom Films to be the thing that takes me where I want to go in life, but I think the divine plan is to have The CK Project is where I’m truly going to make my mark in this world, which is just as worthy to be an end goal.

This has been an incredible journey so far, and I’ve met some of the most inspiring and beautiful people by taking this journey, by sharing, and supporting others who are trying to be more healthy. I think one of the most interesting things about the weight loss journey is that there are many ways to get there, and there is no one right way to get to the ultimate goal. I think that those who lose the weight without weight loss surgery is awe inspiring. That’s not to take away from those of us who had the surgery because it takes just as much work to lose the weight, the surgery is just the “tool” to help get the jump start on the journey.

Being involved with the weight loss community, especially for those who had the surgery. I’ve had networked with all these people through Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and these people inspire me to do better. The voyage has made us a type of family, bonded by the fact that we share similar experiences. For some of us, the weight was gained because of depression, and that’s why we appreciate what the journey has done for us. These beautiful souls still have  doubts that they’ll make it through the process. Hell, I have days that I think I won’t make it, and another commonality I see is that there are times we all view ourselves as the heaviest version of ourselves, and I’ve discovered that is something that doesn’t ever really seem to leave.

I’ve seen some people give up on the journey as they felt that they’ve lost all the weight they will ever, and sometimes that brings part, if not all the weight back for others. As long as people find their happiness, then I’m happy for them because it’s important to be happy. I still remember what it’s like to not be happy with myself, and the rage that came with it. I just know that I’m not ready to stop, until  I get to the ultimate goal.

I think the biggest motivator for me is the fact that I’m in competition with myself. I’m pushed by the numbers that I see, because I feel that in the least, I should be able to hit the bare minimum, and yes, I’ve not had motivation to get even the minimum some days. Having those lazy days is what makes us human, and I’m not ashamed. I remember making excusing as to why I wasn’t doing something, and again there are days that I find myself doing that, but at least it isn’t the end of the world. In that end, I do keep pushing myself to do better, and find ways to grow, even in ways I never expected.

Even if the weight loss journey has established me in a community, it’s even more amazing how much it’s effected the rest of my life. I find losing the weight and having a better self-image, has lead me to being a better parent, and husband. It’s helped me better in my creative endeavors as well. That motivation has shown me what I’m capable of doing, and I want to see how far I can take it.

To those whom I am in communications with in the weight loss journey category, I want to say thank you for the words of encouragement. I’ve enjoyed watching you in your successes and I feel blessed to be able to add to your support system. Nobody should have to go through something like this by themselves. There should be nothing but support and encouragement, because it’s the fertilizer that helps with personal growth. It’s a shame we live in a world where more people want to be “trolls” and tear other people down.

On a final thought: live, love, and speak your truth. Don’t ever falter from who you are, because that’s the bravest thing anyone can do. With that, I’m the Director, and that’s a wrap.

2019 Con Walk

Wonder Con 2019; the time for nerding out and checking out all the cool things that the geek community has to offer. It’s the time of year, that dressing up doesn’t seem so strange, and being surrounded by so many like minded people is a beautiful thing. With that, it’s also the time of year that I get so many steps in. The step total came out to 133,795, which also breaks down to 59.09 miles. To be fair, we went down the day before the convention started, and left the day after it was over. At that though, holy shit that’s so much real estate traveled.

To be fair, the pace is casual as you peruse the different booths, and see what items they have to sell. Many of them items are nostalgic as they have toys from when the convention goer was a child. Personally, I’m always excited for The Masters of the Universe, and Star Wars toys that takes me back to my youth, when things seemed much more simpler. Then if there are panels that interest you, the option to sit in and listen to the topics being discussed gives you that chance to sit down and relax.

The food and drink options aren’t always ideal, especially for someone who has dietary limitations. Though the coffee is good, but the paper straws are kind of shitty. I found that we had issues finding Autumn food, since she’s a vegetarian and drinks for little Chris since he doesn’t drink soda, and water isn’t something he feels he can drink all day. I make the best of what I can, and mostly I don’t finish whatever I bought because it’s too much for me.

While this was a three-day event, the rest of the time was spent at the Disneyland parks. The biggest thing about going there was to feel how I fit in the various areas. The first one, was the turn styles; at my biggest, I would have to walk-in sideways and it would be a snug fit still. This time, I had so much space that all I had to do was walk forward. One thing that is good about Disney is that the rides have always been a bit more accommodating for the larger stature, and there was very few rides that I was unsure I would be secured safely on. Now, I don’t have to feel that way, and I went places I hadn’t been for a long time.

The downside to going to conventions and theme parks are the crowds, and that goes with depending on the day. We’ve been to these things on days that hardly anyone was there, and then we’ve been to them on days, usually Saturdays, where there’s barely any room to move. That can sometimes put a damper on the kind of activity you’re trying to do.

Another bonus to going to places like Disney and conventions is that it keeps the mind busy. I know that helps me get the stats that I’m trying to reach during the day, and the distraction doesn’t make it seem like work, and that’s a way to keep pushing forward.

Now, since losing all this weight, I’ve noticed that I don’t take as many breaks as I used too, and I don’t get winded. It was apparent that my hard charger type motivation didn’t sit well with at least one kid during the time. So, I defiantly need to keep that in mind the next time we do something like that. I pushed myself and I thought that was the important lesson of the trip. I also got to tell a group of people my story and I appreciate that they took the time and had the patience to listen to what I had to say.

Over all it was a good weekend, I got to spend it with my children, and enjoy the things that we love. I’m not a fan of the ailment that is called, “convention crud,” as it has seemed to take almost everyone in my household out for a bit. I did notice that after the long days, I was usually one of the first one’s out when we got back to the motel room. Waking up in the morning, I was recovered like a champ, which is something I’ve been doing since I’ve been working out regularly for the last year.

With that being said, what kind of conventions interest you? Did you realize that you could still hit your goals while being on a vacation? I know that I defiantly want to go to more cons in a year.

Everyone, have a good night and be good to each other, this is the Director, and that’s a wrap.