No Pain, No Gain

So, I have a five day weekend that started yesterday, and because it was the fourth of July, I didn’t get my personal training session in. That’s okay, because I made it up today, and suffered for it. Sometimes, I ask myself why I do the things I do, then I remember, because I don’t want to be unhealthy anymore.

Today, Sam started to help me find my inner strength to help push through all the pain, and suffering to get the best workout that I can. I’ve never been one to grunt or yell in the gym…and I’ll leave it at that. However, I’m being shown that it helps bring my inner strength out, and helps me keep going for a few more reps, at least.

Again, I’m reminded that I still have that man trapped in a bigger body mentality. It’s not always easy to over come, especially since I’ve not be able to do things for years do to my mobility. I know that I should be able to do more things, but what my mind and body think is sometimes two totally different things. I find myself trying to convince my body that I can do these things, even when it wants me to hesitate.

Since I’m on a five-day weekend, I decided to put myself through a six-day challenge with my ten-k-step challenge. I’m currently on day three, and I’m not quite half-way there yet. I figured that I would get a bit of rest before going back out to finish it off because I did squats today. I’m usually good with doing the three-sets of twenty, however, we also did more sets  and different variations on the squat.

I got my my steps in yesterday, but I ended up with another oddly shaped sunburn again. The barbell was a bit uncomfortable on the sunburn, yet I pushed through and did alright. I surprised myself with as well as I did. Plus, we got in some deeper sets on top of the normal squats we did.

The more I train, the more I think that I really do want to learn and also become a personal trainer as well. Like I said before, it would add a bit of Creedence to my CK Project, and I really do like helping other people. Whether by motivation, inspiration, or however, it gives me a different purpose in my life. I don’t think I would have ever wanted to do this about ten or so years ago.

I know that when I started the Project about seven years ago, it was more about accountability, than anything else. I was glad that people where being inspired, and it made me feel good to know that I could have such a positive impact, now it’s one of the driving forces behind what I do.

This is the legacy that I want to leave: The fact that I was able to help someone change for the better. There’s been too much in my life that’s been caused by negativity, and I don’t want to be someone who has turned into something that just adds to the negativity. Unfortunately, I’ve seen this all too much on social media. Facebook, Twitter; there’s a bunch of negative posts about religion and politics that happens.

I find that I’ve seen the worst in people on my pages. I choose not to comment because I pick and choose my battles, even though I’m also going to admit now, that I have a tendency to be interested in the unknown variables, just because I’m interested in the way “the system” will respond to it. It can be frustrating that I find myself on the losing end of the vote, as often times what I wanted, doesn’t seem to win.

Anyway, as I’ve observed the political debates, or religious debates go from a mature amicable conversation, to name calling and a two paragraph message on someone’s reason that someone else is “stupid”. I mean come on, we all have our opinions, but why does it have to resort to name calling, just because someone doesn’t agree. Why not just agree to disagree, so that the name calling doesn’t devolve into a match of a typed out boxing match. I feel that it doesn’t put a favorable light on the complete argument. Yes, I’ve fallen into this trap a couple of times, but I’m trying to become a better person, and not reflect that type of negativity.

All I’m saying is, try and be good humans to each other, and with that being said, this is the Director, and that’s a wrap. I do have my seven month check-up on Saturday, and we’re going to be spending the day on adventures.

10 Years And More Paperwork!

So, I have to do paperwork because I’ve been at my job for ten years. Being the well oiled machine that I work for, I’m having to answer things from years ago, and then there are things that I don’t ever think that I knew. All I can think is man…..I’ve been doing this for way too long.

It’s given me a time to reflect on where my life has been, and where I’m going. The past is a bit blurry because I’ve not always handled life in the best ways possible, but as I’ve gotten older, and gained tools, I’m getting better at it. I’ve hit a few very dark times, and part of doing this paper work has caused me to try and remember through those dark clouds. I’d like to say those thoughts are sunshine and rainbows, but a rain cloud with thunder and lightning would fit that much better.

“It builds character,” or so that’s what they saying goes. It proves that I’m a survivor, even if it fucked me up a bit along the way. I’m a survivor…that’s the key there. Even when I wanted life to end, or wanted to hide away and disappear, I made it through those times, and I’m better for it. I’ve gotten married to a great lady, who loves and supports me, and we’ve had some great kids together, who I’ve not always been the best towards as well. We’re not perfect, but I love this family of mine.

“It builds character,” at least I’ve been able to analyze this and help it become something more positive in my life. Being someone who’s had insecurity issues and depression issues throughout my life, has built a thicker skin than when I was a child. I’ve heard the insults that people have said about me behind my back, and to my front. Most of the time I laugh because I think of how lame some of the words are. I think to myself, can’t you come up with something a bit better than that? Hamburger boy? Fatty Mc Fat Fat… whatever fucking insult they make to have a laugh. If it was me, I’d go for the jugular, and that’s the sad part, because that’s what my situation molded me to be when I was younger. I know that I have a mean streak and a low tolerance of bullshit, but I do try to not let that side out most of the time.

“It builds character,” and that’s true. I think that it’s all in how we decide to let it form us. At a low point, I finally decided that I was going to do everything that I could so that I could be a beacon of positivity in this world. Too many want to beat other’s down because, like they say, “misery, loves company.” I think that’s too true, and I don’t want to be the one to add to that problem. The funny part is that during my last “dark time”, I was hating everything and everybody, myself especially. Some would think that I’m being positive for other people’s sakes, though the truth is that I’m doing it for me, because I don’t want to ever feel the way I did before. Plus I’m starting to get this feeling that the world gives back to you what you project, and I’m wanting to feel positive vibes instead of the negative vibes that I had felt.

I’m feeling the balance between mind and body these days. The focus is getting stronger, and the  motivation is being felt by others as well(see several previous post). Well, I have so much more info to get before I can finish my paperwork, and I’ve got some studying to do as well.  So this is the director and that’s a wrap.

Let’s ‘Drop It Like It’s Hot’

I hit the 10,000 steps two days in a row, and almost did for a third day, but the average was over that 10k mark for sure. With that being said, I’ve kind of chilled the last two days to give myself a rest. I feel like I push myself ragged at times, which makes it harder for me to focus on the studious aspect of my life. The results are good though very good.

Remember when I talked about my start on this weight loss journey that my highest weight was 429.9 lbs? Breaking down the science of fat content, that and the fact that I’m 5’10(I think my weight shrunk me a bit), that equals out to a Body Mass Index of 61.7. That means that 61.7% of my body was covered by fat, and that’s what caused me to feel like a prisoner in my body. It also explains why it was harder for me to be cold(well insulated for sure).

I went in and weighed myself yesterday, and I discovered that I’ve lost another 7.6 lbs, which puts me at the weight of 352.4. My BMI is now at 50.6 and the total is now at 77.5 lbs, and with that, I feel accomplished.352.4

Yep, that’s me! When it’s compared to how I was looking, people say they see the loss in the face, and neck….what I notice in this pic is how much belly has gone, and even looking down I see that it’s missing. It’s fantastic not feeling like the Kool-aid man. People tell me to keep it up and not to stop. Believe me, there’s no chance in that. Realize that I did, get part of my body removed to help get me going on the right path, and I’m determined not to stay fat. I like not hurting or struggling when I move. That’s the biggest part of the win so far.

Second win goes to the people who seemed to be inspired by this journey that I’ve undertaken, as I’m recruiting people to do some hikes with me and the family. I think it’ll be a great bonding experience, and honestly, other’s wanting to take my example and get heathy too, is one of the most amazing feelings to me as well.

The weight loss has really helped my mental health as well, with the compliments, more self confidence comes into play. Plus I don’t feel like I loathe myself anymore.  I can’t think of anything better then all the positives that are coming out of these life changes. I’ve discovered that there are still a few things that upset my stomach, but I’m also trying to be conscious about not trying to stretch it out. I miss some of the spices that I love so much, but I’m sure I’ll be able to eat those again someday, and I’m at about the two and a half month mark out from my surgery.

I might just make that hundred pound mark with in the next few months. I haven’t seen three hundred in about seventeen years, and it would be incredible to make that half-way-point in my ultimate goal weight. Right now, my smaller goal is 339.5. Once I reach that, I’ll plan on making a goal of about 296, which was the weight I was when I was married to my first wife, in 2001. I get excited about those kinds of thoughts. I get excited to know that I won’t be fat for the rest of my life, and that my life won’t be as short as it was probably going to end up had I not done something to take the control back.

It’s sad to think that I got to a point where I thought that I was going to die, and I’ll be honest, I welcomed it for a time there. I stopped caring, and I was just going to let life happen to me, and I didn’t care when or where it would happen. Now, it’s different. Now I have the power, and I like to move, and get those steps in. Soon, I’ll be able to push myself again, and I can’t weight to add weights into my routine. I’ve always loved weight lifting, and I’ll feel more comfortable on the machines that I’m going to use. I’ll get in the sit-ups, push-ups, and a faster mile. This in vain of what I do for work, and I could promote, but I don’t really have the drive to continue with the current track for my career. I want to move onto something that give me a chance to use the more creative part of my brain.

The reward, would be the fact that I could do it if I chose too. I’ve come a long way in the last year, and I’m all about self improvement these days. I’ve got the best support system that I think any person could ask for, and it’s a blessing that it helps to keep me motivated. Though the real trick is that I’m keeping myself motivated. I have my bad days, but I stay motivated. I think that’s how I’m learning to survive, is by staying motivated, and positive. Getting the mind and body in harmony is the secret.

Anyway, this is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Positive Vibes All The Way

As I sit here after my record breaking walk tonight for my recorded steps, I must admit that I’m feeling a bit tired, and with me pushing myself to get steps in at work, this week has been challenging. I feel good about it, and I’m keeping the momentum going.27072514_2009373432651588_3791808181196663298_n

I’m starting to feel so much better physically, and tonight I have this burning fire inside, and it’s hard to contain the energy that I feel. I’m also starting to feel better spiritually, and as I continue to grow in the outer and inner, I’m feeling satisfied with life.

My personal life has gotten so much better over the past year, my love for my wife is strong, my love for the special people in my life has ignited the zeal that I have. I feel like I’m becoming a better father to my children, and a better friend to those I have in my life. If this feeling lasts, I can only imagine that I’ll start to soar with the choices that I’m making.

As I’ve said before, I know my professional life is going to be on point this year, I’ve seemed to make some really good decisions with whom I’ve been in contact with and networking, and it’s even more amazing to figure out where the unlikely connections are coming from. This is finally my time to shine and set an example to my children that life can be what you want it to be.

I don’t know if it’s just the Bruno Mars music that I’m playing, but right now I can’t believe how good I’m feeling inside, and I really just want to take this feeling and share it with everyone. I feel like I wasted so much time not being happy with myself, and life is a treasure. I’ve come a long way from a few years ago when I wanted things to end. When I was feeling hopeless, and lost. Now that’s not the case, and thank God, because I’m happy with life.

Tomorrow, I get to have a day of quiet and I think I’ll take the opportunity get my creative flow going. I imagine that I’ll knock out some decent content for one of my scripts, and get some reading done to help inspire me. I can’t wait to see what I do come up with tomorrow. I’m one of those writer’s that I kind of feel that I let the story tell itself, and I can’t wait to see where my character’s are going to go, and experience.

I’m glad that tomorrow is my technical “Friday” because I’ve got plans for the weekend, and one is going to my two month check up, as well as pushing those 10,000 steps again, and I know that as I push, it’ll get easier to achieve those goals. I wonder where I’ll be in a year from now? How many pounds will I lose? How much will get filmed by then, can I knock out those projects that I’ve been planing on? I’m sure it’s going to be an exciting adventure to get there.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

10,000…What?!

So, to start out, this was my last day of work this week, and I made it! With my uniform swimming on me. I’m in the need of a new belt to hold up those Genie pants. My lunch has changed so much since I first started working.  Work Lunch

This is what I take with me for a ten hour day to eat anymore. Sometimes it’s more than enough. I think that it’s crazy where I’m at, compared to as where I had been.

As my wife hasn’t been feeling the best today, we decided to go out to a local restaurant called Pita Fresh. I’m a huge fan of Shawarma, so my meal was Chicken Shawarma, with Couscous, olives, and Tahini sauce.Dinner before I ate

This is a picture of my bowel, it’s kind of big, and full of delicious food. I used to be able to destroy a meal like this and not think anything of it. That’s actually how I was several months ago, but this is what my meal looked like after I was done:after I ate

It’s funny that I barely made a dent. At least this can keep me going for a few days. The struggles of a fat person.  I’m satisfied with that, and today was an inspired day. Better food, better movement, and better activity.

So today I did over 10,000 steps, that’s over 4 miles. Here’s the proof:Steps for the day

Since I had started this journey this time, and the surgery, I’ve never made it quite this high. Last highest was like 9,141 steps. Crazy how I walked almost five fucking miles. I was motivated like crazy, I wanted to get to the 10,000 mark, and I was walking with a fiery purpose.

One of the best feelings is knowing that I can and want to move faster. I even jogs for a few steps, but I’m not ready for that quite yet. This week was the first week back at work, and I decided that I wanted to know how I was going to feel after work this week, but I do plan on getting back to the gym after work, a few days a week. I think I’m ready to take this to the next step.

I’ve had two other people express the interest of my progress and asked about the surgery, I’m glad that people want to get their body’s healthy, and I gave the number to West Medical to a co-worker yesterday. I hope that this helps my co-worker out in the most positive of ways. I’m the first to say that this hasn’t been an easy journey, but I’ve met some wonderful people because of this, and I think the rocky waves are over for the majority of my progress. All I have to do is keep my mind focused on the mission and go towards the goals.

I’m also happy that this little blog has gotten some attention, and I’m glad to get new followers. It’s my way of giving my voice to the same situations that people may be afraid or embarrassed to discuss. You can see more of the visuals on my Instagram page : https://www.instagram.com/ckproject97/. This shows my weight loss journey, as well as my adventures with my family, and friends. They mean so much to me, and this is part of the reason why I’m taking the path that I’m doing now. Please feel free to ask questions, or just say something to be apart of the discussion.

The CK Project is a platform to help me be better at life and health, and I hope that it motivates others to do the same. I’ve had several people tell me that, and it brings such joy to have been able to help. I’m all about the positivity now, even though I have moments where it doesn’t seem enough to stay that way(after all, we all have bad days).

I’ve been on the negative side of life, and it sucks, but by doing this, I think that it’s starting to define the person I am, because the bad things help create character, and it’s like I didn’t really start finding out who I was until I hit the later part of my thirties. This is the person I want to be, and I’m not letting the hate and negativity define who I am.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

The Adventure Continues….

I’ve done so much changing in the last several months, and one of the biggest was what started in April when I started looking into getting the Gastric Sleeve. When I first went in I weighed in at 419.4 pounds. I did my sleep study and had to go back in the beginning of June to retest. At that point I ballooned out at 429.9 pounds. I’d probably say that I had eaten a lot of beef jerky that day so I was retaining water and salt, and that’s why I was weighing in at so high.

I had another appointment some where down the line and it was about my deviated septum. At that point I had gotten back down too 412 and some change. I was glad to see that I could get myself down again as it was a few months before I would know about when I was going to have the surgery done. With being almost done with my six months with the nutritionalist, I was glad to see that I had gotten a positive on the loss side finally.

As I was getting ready to actually have my surgery, I was called in to get my weight right after it was approved. I weighed in at 400.3 pounds, and I was excited to see that much of a weight loss. Especially since I was excited for this change that was coming for me. The day of my surgery, I never weighed in. So, I’m not exactly sure where I was at during that time, but Monday, December eleventh, I had a bit of weight removed from my stomach, and getting sick on Friday, I went in the emergency room and weighted in at 392.

After that, I was moved seven hours later into a room, where I weighed in at 389. I didn’t think I would lose anything that fast, but it was nice that I did. I think for the next week, my weight didn’t quite lose very fast because after my two week appointment, I was sitting at 384. Not bad for somebody who just happened to be sitting around the house and going out for the occasional walk.

As of today, I’m at a weight of 373. I haven’t been this weight in a few years, and that’s a total of fifty-six point nine pounds that I’ve lost so far. The best part is that I’ve been cleared to do light workouts. I’m ready to get this body working again. For so long, I’ve had this fat in my chest that’s gotten in the way of everything I do. Things like bending down to tie my shoes, to the way I would breathe, it was my obstacle in life.

This has been a good decision on my part, but it hasn’t been without it’s ups and downs. I’m finally past the depression of the way my body feels when I eat, and the regrets of having it done. I know that this was what was needed to save my life. I think that I was about ready to die, part of me probably wanted to die(secretly). I hated that I let my depression come in and make me feel trapped in my own body. I hated looking at myself in the mirror. I hated who and what I became. That’s always the hard part, fighting those demons that make us feel like we are worthless and shitty.

Feeling worthless was a feeling that I battled with for several years. I’m glad that I finally took that and started to change my life around. With a diploma, and a chance to be healthy, I don’t plan on squandering anymore of my life. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Projects=Experience

I’ve been looking at different jobs in the entertainment industry, and I’ve come to the conclusion that the things I’m working towards doing are going to help me gain the experience that I need to help me continue towards my future profession. Entertaining people has been a passion of mine since I was younger.  It started with me cracking jokes to help cheer my friends up.

I’ve been looking forward to getting a few of the podcasts projects off the ground.  I’ve been fascinated with the idea of doing a radio since I started listening to Mark and Brian, and I would love to bring out my thoughts on various subjects ranging from geek culture to politics. I even have ideas for a NSFW podcast that would allow me to discuss more adult content, and bring out my full force, uncensored, sense of humor.

As I move forward towards the end of school, I know that I’m going to be working on gaining a whole new level of experience.  Yes, I am starting my own production company, and yes, I would love to work with others.  As a person, I’ve learned that networking is key. I’ve been doing that for the last couple of years, and I think that it’s helped give me a chance to have better relationships with the people that I’ve gone on to network with.

Going through some life changing events of the last several years, I’ve grown quite a bit. I think that I’ve gotten my ego out of the way of my personal growth.  I used to think that I was going to do whatever it was to make it on my own, and I would let things get in my way of trying to succeed.  I’m now being a more positive person, not for anyone specifically, but myself.  Those who might benefit from the energy that I try to emit, I’m always glad that it helps.  Life it too short to dwell over the negative things, and we all need to enjoy life.

I just felt like I had to put something down tonight.