Please Pass The Fat Free Content

Going with the weight loss journey has brought forth several things to for me. As I’ve lost weight, my ambitions have pushed me to want to do more. Being open about my weight problems, and mental issues has been the most therapeutic thing that I’ve ever done. As I’ve stated before, the physical and mental state of a person’s body go hand-in-hand, and the state of one usually reflects the state of the other.

Getting exercise in, is one way to help keep the depression at bay. It’s a way to show one’s self that things can be accomplished as long as you have determination. I find that my phycological self tends to limit me from doing complete range of motion for some of the exercises. I noticed that it comes down to the fear of injuring my knees. I also hate the fact that I have a fear of falling backwards.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve had hurt my knees before, and the falling comes from the fact that I’ve suffered severe head trauma. As long as I get assistance, I’m not afraid go down in a lunge. Being heavy-set for such a long time has really done some damage, and brought about self-doubt about the things I can do.

This leads me to believe that while your mind is your most powerful asset, it can also sabotage your success. Ever feel like you need to eat do to time instead of hunger? Yeah, me too. As a matter of fact, it still tends to happen, then I have to remind myself that I need to pay better to what my body is saying instead of what my mind is telling me.

So I have this mind that has so much negativity thrown on me my whole life that I still have issues getting over the verbal damage as well. Remember, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me? That’s totally bullshit, why you ask? I still hear the taunts and names that I was called as a child. How’s that for having something define your life choices for so long. I do have a tolerance for people staying stupid things these days, so it takes something more original to really get me going.

The crazy part about the weight loss journey and the mental health awareness is the fact that they do go hand-in-hand. When I set out to do the gastric sleeve, I only thought about how it was going to affect me physically, In ever thought about how it was going to change me mentally. The truth is that I’ve been fundamentally changed for the better. I don’t have the negative outlook in life that I once did. I’ve become more positive, and it wasn’t like I was trying to force it, or fake it until I made it.

All any of it ever had to do was  start by taking the little steps forward. Talking about the things that bothered me. Some people have told me that I was brave for opening myself and my experiences up to others. While I’m glad that it’s guided people in  better directions, it’s only part of the reason why I do the things I do. The other side of that truth is that talking about it, takes the power have what happened away. The more I talk about it, the less power those events have on me. I can accept that what did happen isn’t the defining moments of my life.

With that being said; I find that sticking to mental health, and occasionally weight loss isn’t as easy to talk about any more. I mean I started talking about my mental health issues to help sort out my own feelings and leave an example for others to follow. I don’t struggle with them like I used to.

Yes, I still have an occasional bout of depression and insecurity, but over all, I’m in one hell of a better place than I was before. Now, I have to witness my wife go through these struggles with her Crohn’s Disease. This ends up being something that gets hard for me to deal with as I watch her get more discouraged as something new shows up with the things she deals with.

I sometimes find it hard to talk about the weight loss journey because I plateau, and it can be for long periods of time. I get frustrated getting stuck between a four and five pound difference. I know that eventually I will over come this, but it’s discouraging just the same. Again, remember the things we’ve been talking about the mind? Yeah, this is one of those things I was referring too.

In the end, we all have to choose the journey that we follow. Some of us choose to follow the journey to try and obtain the ultimate answer to eternal youth. Some look to follow the path to fortune and fame. Some of us look to better health. I myself follow the journey for better self-improvement. It has brought me closer to a section of people who share the common journey, and I’ve grown so much because of it. Especially in such a short time. Keep mindful on where your journey takes you.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Why We Should Uplift Each Other

There’s been a lot of unfortunate circumstances that have been surrounding my life and the lives of people I know. These are things that are common in the lifecycle, i.e. death, growing older; and yet it doesn’t make life any easier. With that, I find that it’s difficult to maintain a stasis of positivity.

I know that this is just a phase, and that I’m going to overcome this situation. As a matter of fact, putting in a bit more effort in a few places has already made me feel a bit better as it were. It’s just frustrating when I don’t always feel like I’m getting a handle on my own situation. That’s totally on me, and when I’m getting offed the help, I’m reluctant to take it, because I’m used to doing on my own.

Things in life happen that can go unexpectedly, and that’s why we should be mindful on how we treat each other. Even with me going through this personal strife, I always try to remain kind. In a work environment like mine, it’s not always easy. When you have to constantly deal with people who come off self-entitled, and are rude if you inconvenience them, it get difficult. I have the general rule that I’ll treat everyone professionally and kind, but if I get treated poorly, I will change the way I interact with people.

Forgive me, I seem to be getting off track.

However people are, sometimes the kind word could change their day. Sometimes, the kindness shown can change the entire direction of someone’s path. I know for a fact that letting someone know that they have someone who care can save a life. There are days that I think about how some people have left this world, and the tragedy that comes from the after effects of it.

I had a few friends over the last month lose their lives in car accidents. One wasn’t wearing a seatbelt while being struck by another vehicle at a red light, and the other apparently lost control of her vehicle. Both were shocking, and the ripple affects have been profound on myself and the other’s around me. It hit’s home when they are closer to my age, and I think it’s always an eye opener on how we need to tell those we love, how we feel.

Why is it people feel entitled to bringing others down? Why is it that people have to feel the bitterness of jealousy with others success and have joy in other’s pain?

I’ve been there on several occasions, I can admit that I’ve not always been great at being a good person. That’s where having a hard look at myself paid off. This was at a time that I couldn’t process dealing with my own emotional baggage. I think that’s the way it could be for a majority of people.

We live in a society that shuns getting professional help to deal with the mental stresses of life. We live in a society where males are expected to be macho, and show alpha traits in public. That showing a soft side is considered weak, and makes them easy prey. “Only the strong survive.”

I think society is slowly getting better at changing this way of thinking. I’m fortunate that I wasn’t ever condemned as a kid for being emotional, and I would cry at emotional moments in life. However, my mental state changed after I got into my accident in 1992. I think that we all just need to be more emotionally supportive of each other, then maybe we wouldn’t have so many shootings, and violence would be down a bit.

I really don’t want to go into politics on here, because my social media is filled to the brim of people on both sides of the isle. I just want to say a word of caution: while people want to bash either side, that they don’t share view points with; the reason that things aren’t working in the best way is because there isn’t any bipartisanship. We need that balance to be successful. Just because someone doesn’t agree with you on something doesn’t mean that they don’t have a valid point, just keep in mind that we all come with different view points.

Now that I’m off of my soap box, my point is sometimes someone is going through some hard times, and it helps when they get uplifted, it could mean a world of difference.  This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

 

Sometimes We Fail, and Sometimes We Succeed

So this week turned into a week that had both ups and downs when it came to my progress in life. I was trying to get a promotion at work, and it got denied. I was told that I was very close to passing the interview and test process, yet I came up short. While I had a very common response from co-workers about the results, I feel that the blame was to be put on my shoulders.

I was talked too, and advised on ways to improve and I could apply again in six months. The truth is, I feel that I was just stuck too much in my head, and my confidence wasn’t where it needed to be. The interview was different from any other type of interview that I’ve ever had. Couple that, with the fact that I hadn’t really had an interview for anything in about a decade, I just wasn’t quite ready for what was ahead of me.

I’m not taking this as something negative, because it just goes to show that I need to work on presenting myself better for the next time. I’m also going to reach out and look for other options that might be out there. All I do know is that it’s time for me to really start looking for something that would provide me with a better income while I work on my brands.

I wasn’t going to let that bit of news dictate my week, instead I had some fantastic news in the form of a non-scale victory. I decided to purchase an extra-large, shirt to have something to work towards in my weight loss journey. The best part is that it fit really well. I mean it hasn’t even been two years since my surgery, and I’ve gone from a five-x in shirts, to an extra-large. I’ve also gone from a three-x in athletic shorts, and I can fit into a large. All this in just about a year-and-a-half.

This news has put a positive feeling in my life, and I’m carrying it as far as I can. I seem to be maintaining weight at 260, and as of now I’m okay with that. I’m still moving down somewhere at least. How my clothes are fitting is just as important as the numbers on the scale.

I still have to set an important appointment with my doctor about setting up a date to get my extra skin removed. The last appointment I had, the doctor said that it’s probably about twenty-pounds of skin to remove. Twenty-pounds? That’s crazy! My only issues about it is this; the unsightly scar that will be left, and the pain.

I know the scar issue seems a bit small, I mean who’s going to actually see me without a shirt on, except in my house? I know that it’s a bit of a vanity thing, and they do say that ego get in the way of smart choices. Still, I’ve got more than enough scars to last me a life time. Everything from surgical scars, to acne, keloids, and stretch marks. I’m gonna do it still because it is twenty-pounds.

The second issue I have is the pain that comes with recovery of the surgery. I have someone that I currently follow on Instagram just go through the skin removal process, and I’m watching and waiting to see how her process goes. I’m sure going to reach out to her and ask her questions as she progresses along. I’ve heard people say that it’s about one of the worst pains in regards to recovery. I hope that I’m not going to get in my head that way.

If there was anything that I learned from this week, is that I have a wonderful support system. As for the job, my co-workers  gave their reactions, and the next response was, what kind of help do I need to get me to that promotion status. This last year at my job has renewed my faith in my fellow man. I’ve been able to connect, and make better friends with them.

I know that most people look at work as a way to make money, and that they aren’t there to make “friends”. While I some what agree with that, it helps if you can get along with them. It makes the monotony of the day go by easier. I’ve been in spots that co-workers would rather back stab people to get themselves farther up the ladder. I’ve been “thrown under the bus” too many times to count.

I don’t know if it’s because my own attitude has changed, but I’m truly amazed by all the support I’ve gotten over the last few years. I find that my biggest obstacle in anything is myself. There are times that my insecurity issues sabotage my success, but that doesn’t happen as much as it used too. Having control over the way I react to things is liberating to say the least.

Anyway, that about sums up this little piece of mind. This is the director and that’s a wrap.

Uncharted Territory!

As I write this, I’m in total awe at the fact that did a weigh-in today and saw 266.5. I had to have my personal trainer double check for me because I can’t seem to process these numbers anymore.

I’m living in a surreal time of my weight loss journey. I wonder does this happen to anybody else? I’ve always been good with math, yet the numbers on the scale look foreign to me. It’s taking longer to process if I really did lose the weight, or if I gained, even if the numbers did go down. It’s strange and exciting to see numbers that I’ve never seen before and the reward of knowing that I’m that much closer to my goals are just that much more fulfilling.

I’m always asked how do I feel? As I’ve said several times before, physically I feel great, but it’s so much more than just the physical. Mentally, I’m more on point than I have ever been. I haven’t had a sever depressed episode since about the time of my recovery of having the gastric sleeve done. I’ve heard people suffer from a depressed state in later years for one reason or another, like the skin is hanging too loose, or that the weight has been gained back.  I wonder if some people just can’t remember why they had the surgery in the first place? I know that when I made the decision to get the sleeve, that it was going to be a life change. I knew that I was going to have to change several of the fundamentals of my personal belief system to succeed.

Part of succeeding was to learn how to get out of my own head about things. I was well enough versed in my own mind to know that I had to be willing to accept the changes that needed to happen when it came to food. I knew that I couldn’t use food as a drug to get me through the tough times that I would face in the future. I’ll be the first to admit that there were times that I didn’t think I was going to be strong enough to make it, and I had to battle that in my mind for a long time as well.

The first hurdle that I had to over come was the concept of not eating and drinking at the same time. Yes, I realize that I sometimes still do, but nowhere near the amount I used to, and if I get too carried away, then I’m the first to feel the regret of my choices. Surprisingly, I thought this was the biggest choice that I had to make.

The second choice, which you would think would be the first is accepting that food wasn’t the answer to everything. Using it as a drug to cope with various situations in life wasn’t as hard as I thought. I’ll admit to also occasionally grabbing a snack, even if I don’t need it, but then I catch myself afterward to remind me not to do it again. I see that old habits try to sneak back in at times, at least I’m more aware of myself than I was before.

Getting back to the point at hand, I’m in a place in my journey that I can’t seem to comprehend. It feels so good to know that I’ve gotten to a place that I don’t even remember seeing 266 on any weight scale while in school. It’s amazing to know that my hard work as paid off, as I’ve seen and compared my blood results from the past two physicals that I’ve had done, and the numbers are so different. Life is so exciting, and I wish all my problems where that easy.

If you ask anyone who’s been successful in the weight loss surgery department, they’ll tell you that it was the best decision in their lives. If you ask them what triggered them to do that, you might get similar answers. Mine was I got to a point that I was afraid that I’d get so bad that I would never be able to come back from it. The fear of death is a big motivator. This kind of change is good, and don’t let anyone tell you that getting weight loss surgery is “taking the easy way out”. There’s a reason it’s called a tool, and that’s just to get you jump started on a new path to help lose the weight, and I’ll only give the surgery for about eighty pounds of my weight loss. I know for a fact that my success is from the fact that I bust my ass and put the work in.

Putting the work in hasn’t just paid off in the weight loss department, but mentally it has affected me too. It’s given me a focus that doesn’t allow me to get depressed like I used too, plus it’s motivated others, which in turn seems to keep me motivated to do more. The comments from people seeing me walk around and telling me that it’s been a topic at where they work, makes me feel pretty good.

Another aspect with everything I’m doing with my weight loss has made me a better person. I’m being told that a change in the way I present myself is noticeable. I’ve noticed that I’ve become a better friend, a better husband, and a better father. I find that I’ve become more passionate about life, and the things that I do. I get excited to share all the deeds that I’m currently obtaining in life with my co-workers. I find confidence in how I interact with people, and I no longer apologize for who I am.

I’ve always had a strong personality, and I often say that I’m hard to forget. While some of the things I say can appear that I’m a bit conceded and I have an ego. I don’t feel that I have to say sorry for who I am. This is what makes me the person I am. I’m happy to help people, and show them a way to a better self, if only they give me the chance to provide that guidance. The best part is that people are noticing that I’m going somewhere, and that I’m always willing to take them along on this journey. This is the Director, and that’s a wrap.

No Pain, No Gain

So, I have a five day weekend that started yesterday, and because it was the fourth of July, I didn’t get my personal training session in. That’s okay, because I made it up today, and suffered for it. Sometimes, I ask myself why I do the things I do, then I remember, because I don’t want to be unhealthy anymore.

Today, Sam started to help me find my inner strength to help push through all the pain, and suffering to get the best workout that I can. I’ve never been one to grunt or yell in the gym…and I’ll leave it at that. However, I’m being shown that it helps bring my inner strength out, and helps me keep going for a few more reps, at least.

Again, I’m reminded that I still have that man trapped in a bigger body mentality. It’s not always easy to over come, especially since I’ve not be able to do things for years do to my mobility. I know that I should be able to do more things, but what my mind and body think is sometimes two totally different things. I find myself trying to convince my body that I can do these things, even when it wants me to hesitate.

Since I’m on a five-day weekend, I decided to put myself through a six-day challenge with my ten-k-step challenge. I’m currently on day three, and I’m not quite half-way there yet. I figured that I would get a bit of rest before going back out to finish it off because I did squats today. I’m usually good with doing the three-sets of twenty, however, we also did more sets  and different variations on the squat.

I got my my steps in yesterday, but I ended up with another oddly shaped sunburn again. The barbell was a bit uncomfortable on the sunburn, yet I pushed through and did alright. I surprised myself with as well as I did. Plus, we got in some deeper sets on top of the normal squats we did.

The more I train, the more I think that I really do want to learn and also become a personal trainer as well. Like I said before, it would add a bit of Creedence to my CK Project, and I really do like helping other people. Whether by motivation, inspiration, or however, it gives me a different purpose in my life. I don’t think I would have ever wanted to do this about ten or so years ago.

I know that when I started the Project about seven years ago, it was more about accountability, than anything else. I was glad that people where being inspired, and it made me feel good to know that I could have such a positive impact, now it’s one of the driving forces behind what I do.

This is the legacy that I want to leave: The fact that I was able to help someone change for the better. There’s been too much in my life that’s been caused by negativity, and I don’t want to be someone who has turned into something that just adds to the negativity. Unfortunately, I’ve seen this all too much on social media. Facebook, Twitter; there’s a bunch of negative posts about religion and politics that happens.

I find that I’ve seen the worst in people on my pages. I choose not to comment because I pick and choose my battles, even though I’m also going to admit now, that I have a tendency to be interested in the unknown variables, just because I’m interested in the way “the system” will respond to it. It can be frustrating that I find myself on the losing end of the vote, as often times what I wanted, doesn’t seem to win.

Anyway, as I’ve observed the political debates, or religious debates go from a mature amicable conversation, to name calling and a two paragraph message on someone’s reason that someone else is “stupid”. I mean come on, we all have our opinions, but why does it have to resort to name calling, just because someone doesn’t agree. Why not just agree to disagree, so that the name calling doesn’t devolve into a match of a typed out boxing match. I feel that it doesn’t put a favorable light on the complete argument. Yes, I’ve fallen into this trap a couple of times, but I’m trying to become a better person, and not reflect that type of negativity.

All I’m saying is, try and be good humans to each other, and with that being said, this is the Director, and that’s a wrap. I do have my seven month check-up on Saturday, and we’re going to be spending the day on adventures.

10 Years And More Paperwork!

So, I have to do paperwork because I’ve been at my job for ten years. Being the well oiled machine that I work for, I’m having to answer things from years ago, and then there are things that I don’t ever think that I knew. All I can think is man…..I’ve been doing this for way too long.

It’s given me a time to reflect on where my life has been, and where I’m going. The past is a bit blurry because I’ve not always handled life in the best ways possible, but as I’ve gotten older, and gained tools, I’m getting better at it. I’ve hit a few very dark times, and part of doing this paper work has caused me to try and remember through those dark clouds. I’d like to say those thoughts are sunshine and rainbows, but a rain cloud with thunder and lightning would fit that much better.

“It builds character,” or so that’s what they saying goes. It proves that I’m a survivor, even if it fucked me up a bit along the way. I’m a survivor…that’s the key there. Even when I wanted life to end, or wanted to hide away and disappear, I made it through those times, and I’m better for it. I’ve gotten married to a great lady, who loves and supports me, and we’ve had some great kids together, who I’ve not always been the best towards as well. We’re not perfect, but I love this family of mine.

“It builds character,” at least I’ve been able to analyze this and help it become something more positive in my life. Being someone who’s had insecurity issues and depression issues throughout my life, has built a thicker skin than when I was a child. I’ve heard the insults that people have said about me behind my back, and to my front. Most of the time I laugh because I think of how lame some of the words are. I think to myself, can’t you come up with something a bit better than that? Hamburger boy? Fatty Mc Fat Fat… whatever fucking insult they make to have a laugh. If it was me, I’d go for the jugular, and that’s the sad part, because that’s what my situation molded me to be when I was younger. I know that I have a mean streak and a low tolerance of bullshit, but I do try to not let that side out most of the time.

“It builds character,” and that’s true. I think that it’s all in how we decide to let it form us. At a low point, I finally decided that I was going to do everything that I could so that I could be a beacon of positivity in this world. Too many want to beat other’s down because, like they say, “misery, loves company.” I think that’s too true, and I don’t want to be the one to add to that problem. The funny part is that during my last “dark time”, I was hating everything and everybody, myself especially. Some would think that I’m being positive for other people’s sakes, though the truth is that I’m doing it for me, because I don’t want to ever feel the way I did before. Plus I’m starting to get this feeling that the world gives back to you what you project, and I’m wanting to feel positive vibes instead of the negative vibes that I had felt.

I’m feeling the balance between mind and body these days. The focus is getting stronger, and the  motivation is being felt by others as well(see several previous post). Well, I have so much more info to get before I can finish my paperwork, and I’ve got some studying to do as well.  So this is the director and that’s a wrap.

Let’s ‘Drop It Like It’s Hot’

I hit the 10,000 steps two days in a row, and almost did for a third day, but the average was over that 10k mark for sure. With that being said, I’ve kind of chilled the last two days to give myself a rest. I feel like I push myself ragged at times, which makes it harder for me to focus on the studious aspect of my life. The results are good though very good.

Remember when I talked about my start on this weight loss journey that my highest weight was 429.9 lbs? Breaking down the science of fat content, that and the fact that I’m 5’10(I think my weight shrunk me a bit), that equals out to a Body Mass Index of 61.7. That means that 61.7% of my body was covered by fat, and that’s what caused me to feel like a prisoner in my body. It also explains why it was harder for me to be cold(well insulated for sure).

I went in and weighed myself yesterday, and I discovered that I’ve lost another 7.6 lbs, which puts me at the weight of 352.4. My BMI is now at 50.6 and the total is now at 77.5 lbs, and with that, I feel accomplished.352.4

Yep, that’s me! When it’s compared to how I was looking, people say they see the loss in the face, and neck….what I notice in this pic is how much belly has gone, and even looking down I see that it’s missing. It’s fantastic not feeling like the Kool-aid man. People tell me to keep it up and not to stop. Believe me, there’s no chance in that. Realize that I did, get part of my body removed to help get me going on the right path, and I’m determined not to stay fat. I like not hurting or struggling when I move. That’s the biggest part of the win so far.

Second win goes to the people who seemed to be inspired by this journey that I’ve undertaken, as I’m recruiting people to do some hikes with me and the family. I think it’ll be a great bonding experience, and honestly, other’s wanting to take my example and get heathy too, is one of the most amazing feelings to me as well.

The weight loss has really helped my mental health as well, with the compliments, more self confidence comes into play. Plus I don’t feel like I loathe myself anymore.  I can’t think of anything better then all the positives that are coming out of these life changes. I’ve discovered that there are still a few things that upset my stomach, but I’m also trying to be conscious about not trying to stretch it out. I miss some of the spices that I love so much, but I’m sure I’ll be able to eat those again someday, and I’m at about the two and a half month mark out from my surgery.

I might just make that hundred pound mark with in the next few months. I haven’t seen three hundred in about seventeen years, and it would be incredible to make that half-way-point in my ultimate goal weight. Right now, my smaller goal is 339.5. Once I reach that, I’ll plan on making a goal of about 296, which was the weight I was when I was married to my first wife, in 2001. I get excited about those kinds of thoughts. I get excited to know that I won’t be fat for the rest of my life, and that my life won’t be as short as it was probably going to end up had I not done something to take the control back.

It’s sad to think that I got to a point where I thought that I was going to die, and I’ll be honest, I welcomed it for a time there. I stopped caring, and I was just going to let life happen to me, and I didn’t care when or where it would happen. Now, it’s different. Now I have the power, and I like to move, and get those steps in. Soon, I’ll be able to push myself again, and I can’t weight to add weights into my routine. I’ve always loved weight lifting, and I’ll feel more comfortable on the machines that I’m going to use. I’ll get in the sit-ups, push-ups, and a faster mile. This in vain of what I do for work, and I could promote, but I don’t really have the drive to continue with the current track for my career. I want to move onto something that give me a chance to use the more creative part of my brain.

The reward, would be the fact that I could do it if I chose too. I’ve come a long way in the last year, and I’m all about self improvement these days. I’ve got the best support system that I think any person could ask for, and it’s a blessing that it helps to keep me motivated. Though the real trick is that I’m keeping myself motivated. I have my bad days, but I stay motivated. I think that’s how I’m learning to survive, is by staying motivated, and positive. Getting the mind and body in harmony is the secret.

Anyway, this is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Positive Vibes All The Way

As I sit here after my record breaking walk tonight for my recorded steps, I must admit that I’m feeling a bit tired, and with me pushing myself to get steps in at work, this week has been challenging. I feel good about it, and I’m keeping the momentum going.27072514_2009373432651588_3791808181196663298_n

I’m starting to feel so much better physically, and tonight I have this burning fire inside, and it’s hard to contain the energy that I feel. I’m also starting to feel better spiritually, and as I continue to grow in the outer and inner, I’m feeling satisfied with life.

My personal life has gotten so much better over the past year, my love for my wife is strong, my love for the special people in my life has ignited the zeal that I have. I feel like I’m becoming a better father to my children, and a better friend to those I have in my life. If this feeling lasts, I can only imagine that I’ll start to soar with the choices that I’m making.

As I’ve said before, I know my professional life is going to be on point this year, I’ve seemed to make some really good decisions with whom I’ve been in contact with and networking, and it’s even more amazing to figure out where the unlikely connections are coming from. This is finally my time to shine and set an example to my children that life can be what you want it to be.

I don’t know if it’s just the Bruno Mars music that I’m playing, but right now I can’t believe how good I’m feeling inside, and I really just want to take this feeling and share it with everyone. I feel like I wasted so much time not being happy with myself, and life is a treasure. I’ve come a long way from a few years ago when I wanted things to end. When I was feeling hopeless, and lost. Now that’s not the case, and thank God, because I’m happy with life.

Tomorrow, I get to have a day of quiet and I think I’ll take the opportunity get my creative flow going. I imagine that I’ll knock out some decent content for one of my scripts, and get some reading done to help inspire me. I can’t wait to see what I do come up with tomorrow. I’m one of those writer’s that I kind of feel that I let the story tell itself, and I can’t wait to see where my character’s are going to go, and experience.

I’m glad that tomorrow is my technical “Friday” because I’ve got plans for the weekend, and one is going to my two month check up, as well as pushing those 10,000 steps again, and I know that as I push, it’ll get easier to achieve those goals. I wonder where I’ll be in a year from now? How many pounds will I lose? How much will get filmed by then, can I knock out those projects that I’ve been planing on? I’m sure it’s going to be an exciting adventure to get there.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

10,000…What?!

So, to start out, this was my last day of work this week, and I made it! With my uniform swimming on me. I’m in the need of a new belt to hold up those Genie pants. My lunch has changed so much since I first started working.  Work Lunch

This is what I take with me for a ten hour day to eat anymore. Sometimes it’s more than enough. I think that it’s crazy where I’m at, compared to as where I had been.

As my wife hasn’t been feeling the best today, we decided to go out to a local restaurant called Pita Fresh. I’m a huge fan of Shawarma, so my meal was Chicken Shawarma, with Couscous, olives, and Tahini sauce.Dinner before I ate

This is a picture of my bowel, it’s kind of big, and full of delicious food. I used to be able to destroy a meal like this and not think anything of it. That’s actually how I was several months ago, but this is what my meal looked like after I was done:after I ate

It’s funny that I barely made a dent. At least this can keep me going for a few days. The struggles of a fat person.  I’m satisfied with that, and today was an inspired day. Better food, better movement, and better activity.

So today I did over 10,000 steps, that’s over 4 miles. Here’s the proof:Steps for the day

Since I had started this journey this time, and the surgery, I’ve never made it quite this high. Last highest was like 9,141 steps. Crazy how I walked almost five fucking miles. I was motivated like crazy, I wanted to get to the 10,000 mark, and I was walking with a fiery purpose.

One of the best feelings is knowing that I can and want to move faster. I even jogs for a few steps, but I’m not ready for that quite yet. This week was the first week back at work, and I decided that I wanted to know how I was going to feel after work this week, but I do plan on getting back to the gym after work, a few days a week. I think I’m ready to take this to the next step.

I’ve had two other people express the interest of my progress and asked about the surgery, I’m glad that people want to get their body’s healthy, and I gave the number to West Medical to a co-worker yesterday. I hope that this helps my co-worker out in the most positive of ways. I’m the first to say that this hasn’t been an easy journey, but I’ve met some wonderful people because of this, and I think the rocky waves are over for the majority of my progress. All I have to do is keep my mind focused on the mission and go towards the goals.

I’m also happy that this little blog has gotten some attention, and I’m glad to get new followers. It’s my way of giving my voice to the same situations that people may be afraid or embarrassed to discuss. You can see more of the visuals on my Instagram page : https://www.instagram.com/ckproject97/. This shows my weight loss journey, as well as my adventures with my family, and friends. They mean so much to me, and this is part of the reason why I’m taking the path that I’m doing now. Please feel free to ask questions, or just say something to be apart of the discussion.

The CK Project is a platform to help me be better at life and health, and I hope that it motivates others to do the same. I’ve had several people tell me that, and it brings such joy to have been able to help. I’m all about the positivity now, even though I have moments where it doesn’t seem enough to stay that way(after all, we all have bad days).

I’ve been on the negative side of life, and it sucks, but by doing this, I think that it’s starting to define the person I am, because the bad things help create character, and it’s like I didn’t really start finding out who I was until I hit the later part of my thirties. This is the person I want to be, and I’m not letting the hate and negativity define who I am.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

The Adventure Continues….

I’ve done so much changing in the last several months, and one of the biggest was what started in April when I started looking into getting the Gastric Sleeve. When I first went in I weighed in at 419.4 pounds. I did my sleep study and had to go back in the beginning of June to retest. At that point I ballooned out at 429.9 pounds. I’d probably say that I had eaten a lot of beef jerky that day so I was retaining water and salt, and that’s why I was weighing in at so high.

I had another appointment some where down the line and it was about my deviated septum. At that point I had gotten back down too 412 and some change. I was glad to see that I could get myself down again as it was a few months before I would know about when I was going to have the surgery done. With being almost done with my six months with the nutritionalist, I was glad to see that I had gotten a positive on the loss side finally.

As I was getting ready to actually have my surgery, I was called in to get my weight right after it was approved. I weighed in at 400.3 pounds, and I was excited to see that much of a weight loss. Especially since I was excited for this change that was coming for me. The day of my surgery, I never weighed in. So, I’m not exactly sure where I was at during that time, but Monday, December eleventh, I had a bit of weight removed from my stomach, and getting sick on Friday, I went in the emergency room and weighted in at 392.

After that, I was moved seven hours later into a room, where I weighed in at 389. I didn’t think I would lose anything that fast, but it was nice that I did. I think for the next week, my weight didn’t quite lose very fast because after my two week appointment, I was sitting at 384. Not bad for somebody who just happened to be sitting around the house and going out for the occasional walk.

As of today, I’m at a weight of 373. I haven’t been this weight in a few years, and that’s a total of fifty-six point nine pounds that I’ve lost so far. The best part is that I’ve been cleared to do light workouts. I’m ready to get this body working again. For so long, I’ve had this fat in my chest that’s gotten in the way of everything I do. Things like bending down to tie my shoes, to the way I would breathe, it was my obstacle in life.

This has been a good decision on my part, but it hasn’t been without it’s ups and downs. I’m finally past the depression of the way my body feels when I eat, and the regrets of having it done. I know that this was what was needed to save my life. I think that I was about ready to die, part of me probably wanted to die(secretly). I hated that I let my depression come in and make me feel trapped in my own body. I hated looking at myself in the mirror. I hated who and what I became. That’s always the hard part, fighting those demons that make us feel like we are worthless and shitty.

Feeling worthless was a feeling that I battled with for several years. I’m glad that I finally took that and started to change my life around. With a diploma, and a chance to be healthy, I don’t plan on squandering anymore of my life. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.