Hungry For More

I’m obsessed with numbers! I’ve been that way about time most of my life. My step counter just happens to be something that I’ve added to that obsession. With another round of 10,000 steps demolished today, that number gets easier to reach the more I get there.valentines10k

I also like that my pacer app keeps track of my weekly calories, and I reached 1754 for the week so far. I know that I’ve got some big things going on this weekend, so I plan on hitting the 10k at least two more times.

Besides the steps, I had a few people tell me today that they didn’t recognize me and had to do a double take. Being a fat person, it feels good to know that my hard work is paying off, and I really do feel better about the way I look. I can’t wait until I hit the ultimate goal, how much better will I look then. The movement is getting faster as well. I’m starting to feel the speed pick up.

Being as heavy as I was, I would move like a tortoise, at least that’s how I felt. I hated that I would get winded so easily as well. I’m continually breaking free from the bonds of my fatter self, and confidence is really showing as well(not that I was too insecure). I’m not ashamed of my body anymore. I look at it as a work in progress, but shit my arms are starting to get skinny, and I need to tighten up the skin a bit before I get wizard sleeve, and start looking like Gandalf the Grey.

So, today is Valentine’s day, and I’m reminded that I’m not really a fan of this holiday, however, my bride of seventeen years, is the greatest part to show my love too. She’s always a strong support, and is one of the most amazing people I know(as a side note, I know quite a few amazing people), plus she loves me beyond anything I’ve ever known.

I’m still trying to get some details figured out about getting a hiking club together, and I’m sure I can talk a few people I know in the real world to join. I think it would be great to enjoy nature with the great people I know. Would any of my readers possibly want to start something up, even if it was online, in a group and share our experiences with our hikes? We could get healthy together, and that’s always a movement that I would support.

I think that I need that positive idea in my life right now. I’ve had doubts going on in my head in other areas, but at least I haven’t tried to find the comfort in food. That’s a big step in the right direction. It’s just shit…I’ve got all of this stuff going on and getting ready to go on, that I’ve had a hard time focusing at what tasks are at hand at the moment. Listening to music through my head phones seem to help with those distractions.

Once the doctor clears me, I’m going to up my exercise game, and I can’t wait to start pushing myself more. I’ve not had skinny arms like this in some time and putting definition on them will be awesome, plus the fat burning with weights will help get my ass to where it wants to be.  So many possibilities are coming with this idea….

This is the director, and I think this is the end of another blog….so that’s a wrap!

Today(or Tomorrow? part 2)

Today was the real test….. After six weeks of being off of work I went back and put on my uniform. While I’ve noticed some changes in my body, and the movement I have, this was the real test, my uniform, which I have worn for the last ten years, showed me where I am physically. It’s huge on me, and I haven’t felt that way in a long time. It was amazing to feel that I’ve lost several pounds, and several inches. The pants make me feel like the Genie in Aladdin. That’s an accomplishment since over a month ago, things were a bit tight on me.

I came home and took a nap, but not because the day was hard, but because I couldn’t fall asleep until after eleven-forty. That doesn’t sound too bad, until you put into the context that I had to be up at four in the morning. At least when I did fall asleep, it was heavy, and nice. I think that getting back into a schedule is going to be good for me, even if I have to get up at four in the freaking morning. Three-thirty for those days I have to open busier spots. Have I mentioned how I hate getting up before six? True story.

Now, today ended up being kind of an easy day because we had more than enough coverage to man the spots that I work, and it was nice to have that for a first day back. As the day progressed, I saw many people who’ve been following my weight loss journey, and it was nice to be welcomed back. It was nicer to be told that I was looking good(and yes the ego feels satisfied). I’m trying to measure how many steps I take while at work so that I can do the math on my ten thousand steps, that I’m supposed to get in a day, also something that I haven’t quite made yet. At least my body held up, and standing for hours didn’t hurt so bad.

As the point that I made yesterday, I’m a different person, both physically, and mentally. I’m standing straighter, and I’m keeping a good attitude. Some days I think that it’s going to be hard to think that I will be, but at least it was a familiar feeling. Muscle memory maybe? All I know is that the routine, is going to help me get back the focus that I need. I think the saddest part of work is that most of the people I have become close to have left. Yes, I still have a few people that I really like, but my closest of friends have gone on to better things(which I’m proud of).

I’m going to take a week or two before I really start pushing myself and going to the gym after work, I feel that I just want to get back to used to standing for the long hours in the day before I decide to “kill” myself in the gym. I’m not trying to hurt myself, and I don’t want to do any internal damage, because of the staples in my stomach. I’m looking forward to dropping the next fifty pounds though. That would put me at a weight that I haven’t been since my almost seventeen year old was born.

At least I’m not allowing food to cope with my emotions. Yes, I still like to eat, but it’s no longer the same relationship that I once had with it. Life’s going to get more interesting and enjoyable this year. I plan on keeping up with getting the life I actually do deserve, both for me, and for my family.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Gonna Sew Myself Together

Things have been going so good for the last several months. By that, I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve had some bumps(see last blog) along the way.  I haven’t dealt with the depression from my surgery in a week or so. I believe that the rough part of the after affects of it is done. Though tonight, I find myself wishing that the growth for my future would be here much sooner than it is.

I do realize that I need to be a bit more patient, but sometimes it feels a bit discouraging that I’ve not gotten any positive feedback from my ventures yet. I’m also not trying to falter in my ventures to get my brands out there. I do slightly feel like I’ve been in a bit of a stand still there. I think I need to keep going and put forth the effort, after all, Nash Gray has gotten a bit of exposure, and it seems to have positive reviews from people I know. Maybe the bug to get another film going is part of why I’m feeling the way I am.

I also know that I need to shoot more video’s for my weight loss documentary. I actually thought that maybe it should be about my life long battles with food addiction and possibly about some of my mental health battles as well. Especially since they both intersect at several points in my life. Plus I’m still mentally preparing for another documentary that I’m doing involving a new friend and his potential boxing career.

I think one of this biggest things that’s been on my mind is the fact that I go back to work in two and a half weeks, and I’m not sure how things are going to go for me, in specifics due to my surgery and how I am physically. At least I should be going to the gym after next Tuesday, and I can’t wait to get that going before I have to put the uniform back on. Maybe it’ll help with the impact of the long days I’ll be back at.

One the positives, I feel like I’m swimming in most of my shirts now. My S.H.I.E.L.D shirt was feeling snug and you could see my done laps at the bottom. Not anymore though. I’m also starting to get motivations to do things, like I wanted to help my mom cook on New Years day. Then I also wanted to go for an actual walk that wasn’t just around a store.

Another positive is that I’ve been hearing from friends that I’ve motivated them to get on the losing weight train. I think that’s the biggest reward of them all, and I’m glad I could help. That’s what all of this CK Project has been all about, to help somebody. I know that questions and concerns come up, and there are people who’re too afraid to ask the questions. At least my experiences can help someone in need.

I’m feeling a bit better putting this out there, and I hope my readers find this useful in solving something that might be bothering them. Once again this is the director, and that’s a wrap.

11 Isn’t Always Heaven

So the liquid diet seemed to go okay today, though I did want more than I was getting, I made it through the day.  I can do this, I just have to remind myself.

It was a pretty rough week towards the end of my work schedule so I want to say that I think that is what attributed to my crankiness. I don’t think it was the lack of substance for food. I’m still not entirely sure though.

I had my creamy tomato soup for lunch and a yogurt for breakfast. Plus a Muscle Milk drink. I then came home to more Butter Nut Squash soup. I added pepper to it, though I’m not sure if that is or isn’t aloud, but it was damn tasty, so I’ll take it as a win.

I wasn’t entirely sure that I was going to make this blog tonight, as the day once again kicked my ass, and I feel myself nodding off while typing this blog. I’m trying to keep that commitment up to my readers at home. I wouldn’t recommend going straight liquid diet if I had another option. Though I really didn’t, I’m usually okay with the circumstance at hand with getting thrown into things head first, I think that’s how I’ve survived for so long.

I would write more, but the words are seemingly slipping my mind at this time. For tonight, I think I’m just gonna call it a wrap.