A Half Year Out

So today marks my six month anniversary of having the gastric sleeve. I came home not feeling well today, and I wasn’t sure what it was, but I slept it off, so I guess it wasn’t anything too serious. I don’t think that it was the heat, but the pain in my stomach wouldn’t allow me to breath in the vest that I was wearing at work.

It’s a time to reflect on what I’ve learned from the last six months: The first of many is the fact that I’ve learned to love myself again. Self image is something that can affect your psyche, and when you hate the way you look, it brings down your self-esteem. I’ll be the first to admit that presenting myself with an ego and larger than life personality has been the way I’ve over compensated for my own self-esteem.

Secondly, I’ve discovered how humbled I’ve become by the response of my weight loss.  I’m proud of the fact that I’ve lost 114.7 pounds so far, but when people say how they have to do a double take to recognize me, that makes me feel good. I’ve also come to realize that each person’s journey in life is different than one another. I think too many times people, myself included, find themselves comparing their lives to others. For example, better employment, that seems to have been given to someone else. How people can eat anything and stay skinny.

I think that in these moments, is our defining moment. Do we let the bitterness and jealously define who we are as people, or do we learn to appreciate the voyage to get us to where we are in life? I’ve spent so much negative energy idolizing others, and I’ve discovered that I shouldn’t. I’m a survivor, and I’m not sure everyone has it in them to be strong like that.

I’ve also learned that helping others keeps being affirmed with each interaction I have with people. Helping others is a wonderful experience, and success in others gives me a sense of accomplishment. I’m sure that the CK Project is where I’m going to find my biggest purpose in life. Yet, I still plan on making movies, so the drive is to continue to multi-task for as long as possible.

With the recent news of the suicides of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, I’m reminded that depression and loneliness go hand in hand. People have stated, that they don’t understand why someone would take their own lives, since they seemed “normal” before they took their own lives. From my own experience, when in that state of mind, it’s hard to express, and “it’s feeling lonely in a room full of people”. Even when feeling that way, it’s hard to express the need for help. Many times, that demon is hard to battle as it often times seems like it’s a one persona struggle.

The need for help is often there, but hard to figure out where to turn for help. I was fortunate to get that help before it’s was too late. Had I not, I would have taken my life. The result of that help is in the contents of these blogs. I’ve become more driven, and I’m finding success in life. Plus, I’m connecting with people on a level I’ve never attempted before.

Self-investment, was a key role in helping me discover myself, and the potential is infinite. Don’t let other’s define who you are; you can always improve, and it’s never too late.

I’ve also realized that I’m almost fitting in a 2x shirt. That’s a great accomplishment as that seems to be the biggest size in most stores. I’ve been eyeing some shirts that I’d like to eventually fit myself into at some of the more mainstream stores. My style of baggy clothes have started to change. I’m no longer hiding my body in overly sized clothing, and I’m finding nicer things to wear. Sarah says that she likes it, so I think that decision is a keeper.

It’s incredible how far I’ve come on my journey of self-acceptance, and my personal growth is going farther than I expected. I look forward to having you continue to follow this journey of mine. I hope you reach out and network with me, perhaps we’ll find a bond that will benefit the both of us. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Positive Vibes All The Way

As I sit here after my record breaking walk tonight for my recorded steps, I must admit that I’m feeling a bit tired, and with me pushing myself to get steps in at work, this week has been challenging. I feel good about it, and I’m keeping the momentum going.27072514_2009373432651588_3791808181196663298_n

I’m starting to feel so much better physically, and tonight I have this burning fire inside, and it’s hard to contain the energy that I feel. I’m also starting to feel better spiritually, and as I continue to grow in the outer and inner, I’m feeling satisfied with life.

My personal life has gotten so much better over the past year, my love for my wife is strong, my love for the special people in my life has ignited the zeal that I have. I feel like I’m becoming a better father to my children, and a better friend to those I have in my life. If this feeling lasts, I can only imagine that I’ll start to soar with the choices that I’m making.

As I’ve said before, I know my professional life is going to be on point this year, I’ve seemed to make some really good decisions with whom I’ve been in contact with and networking, and it’s even more amazing to figure out where the unlikely connections are coming from. This is finally my time to shine and set an example to my children that life can be what you want it to be.

I don’t know if it’s just the Bruno Mars music that I’m playing, but right now I can’t believe how good I’m feeling inside, and I really just want to take this feeling and share it with everyone. I feel like I wasted so much time not being happy with myself, and life is a treasure. I’ve come a long way from a few years ago when I wanted things to end. When I was feeling hopeless, and lost. Now that’s not the case, and thank God, because I’m happy with life.

Tomorrow, I get to have a day of quiet and I think I’ll take the opportunity get my creative flow going. I imagine that I’ll knock out some decent content for one of my scripts, and get some reading done to help inspire me. I can’t wait to see what I do come up with tomorrow. I’m one of those writer’s that I kind of feel that I let the story tell itself, and I can’t wait to see where my character’s are going to go, and experience.

I’m glad that tomorrow is my technical “Friday” because I’ve got plans for the weekend, and one is going to my two month check up, as well as pushing those 10,000 steps again, and I know that as I push, it’ll get easier to achieve those goals. I wonder where I’ll be in a year from now? How many pounds will I lose? How much will get filmed by then, can I knock out those projects that I’ve been planing on? I’m sure it’s going to be an exciting adventure to get there.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.