New Time Same Trainer

So, I ended up changing my training time from 5:30 to 4:00 on Mondays and Wednesdays. I think this time will work better for me in the end. I was also able to assist with Grappling lessons today. Sitting on the mat and watching the matches was fun. It also reminded me that my body isn’t used to that sort of thing as I was having issues getting off of the ground. I guess that’s what happens when you do Dead Lifts and Squats.

Squats were the last exercise I did today. I felt the burn as I rounded out my last exercise, and I ended up taking it a bit slower than I really wanted too. At least my form is getting better. It’s good that we’re hitting about every major part of the body during my half hour workout. I plan on going to the gym on Friday, it’ll be in the morning, but it will also give my son a chance to try and “pump some iron”.

I feel that taking him to the gym with me will give us some bonding time, and I can teach him something. It’ll help keep me going as well. I really do need to step up the number of days that I’m lifting weights. I think it’ll help my sessions with Sam as well. I’m not sure if I have the courage to do squats without a spotter though. I’ll be able to show the difference between using free weights and what using the machines will be like.

Another thing that I started doing was helping Sam out with the grappling class today. One thing, was that Sam(my trainer) was a bit short handed, and two it was fun to help guide children in the right direction with the techniques they were using. I want to say that it was even better to help Little Chris understand the moves a bit better. As a father I’m proud of the steps that the little kids have made there. Lily in particular has seemed to taken off with it, and both kids seem to be making friends.

One of the things that I’ve noticed, is that I’m gaining flexibility. I’ve been trying to stretch my legs a bit over the last several days, and now that my belly is gone, I can cross my legs. I know that it sounds a bit silly, but that is a big goal. I still have a long way to go until I’m satisfied with my movement.

I’ve been in contact with a friend who’s had weight loss surgery, and they’ve been a bit down about gaining some of their weight back. Well, I’m happy to say that I’ve stepped in and offered to help get them back on track. It’s funny to think on how the mind can effect the body, but negative thoughts doesn’t ever help the situation. I think this is going to help me be better at one of the goals I’m trying to achieve with the CK Project.

One another note, another long time friend has also decided to start their own weight loss journey, and I’ve also offered to walk and motivate them as well. I’m thrilled by the fact that I’m allowed to be the person supporting them. It give me a sense of purpose. Again, this helps to push me as a motivational speaker, because it’s one of the many “hats” I want to wear.

The one thing I think that I’m leaving with the lesson of this week is that the accepted help has strengthened my resolve to keep going with what I’m doing. This is the time in my life, where I absolutely love life, and am totally sure that I’m in the best place that I’ve been in my life. I’ve got a great family life. I’ve got goals, and the drive to see them through. I couldn’t ask for much more, except that I actually make the money from the projects that I’ve got going.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Struck By Motivation

So, I decided that I was going to make my 10,000 steps today. My current total is 13,054 steps for the day. Which means I’ve traveled 5.8 miles and burned 772 Calories. Not bad for a Tuesday. The one thing that I noticed today is that I’m feeling a slight pull in the back on my right hamstring. I think that I need to stretch it out, and I hope that helps.

With life going at such a fast pace, I’ve felt that I had a few weeks of lost motivation. I know that it’s a normal response to lose motivation. You can’t always go 100% all the time without a bit of fatigue. I was there creatively as well, but I’m finding that extra motivation to continue to work on that as well. The lack of motivation was just a phase, but it was a habit that I had been comfortable with for a long time.

As I sit here and write this, I think about how I would come home and just play video games, or watch television. I don’t really do those things like I used too. It’s funny to reflect on how I was at this time last year, and to see where I am mentally now. I like to create, that’s something I’ve been a fan of most of my life. Music, stories, poetry, I’ve always had a hand in something creative. Maybe that’s why I’m coming into a place in my life where I’m feeling fulfilled with the things that I work on.

My team should have some stories out that we can look at shooting, and I’m excited to see where this newly formed machine is going to take us. While it’s true that I’ve worked with almost everyone in some form, the relationship of this team is still relatively new. This both excites me, and makes me nervous, because I want this to succeed.

It’s not just that I want the production company to succeed, I want this team to prosper as well. Sometimes I start to fear that ego might get in the way, and that is something I’m trying to avoid. I have enough self-doubt that crosses my mind every so often. Yes, I know that my depression tries to sabotage me, and I have to get reassurance that everything is okay. I guess that’s the emotional side of me. I do try and keep it in check though, and I hate when the creative process seems to be hindered. At least what we’ve done so far, has helped put the team on a better level of understanding.

I know one of the projects that I need to start is to work on an outline for The CK Project. With me down over 110 pounds, I think that we need to start documenting the rest of the transformation, and get some motivational words on video. It’s an idea, that I’ve had, and I did a few small videos before the surgery. The only after surgery videos have come out on Facebook and Snapchat. Part of the goal is to impliment them more as well.

 I’m finding success documenting the weight loss journey through Instagram, and I’ve made several contacts with others on this journey through social media. These people have my full support, and those who I’ve talked too in the real world are getting behind The CK Project. As soon as I get the next prototype for the shirt, if I like it, I’ll be getting them availible to the public, and I know my trainer, Sam Basco, is one of the first customers.

Speaking of Sam, I took my kids too one on his youth grappling classes yesterday, and they seemed to enjoy themselves. I get such a joy watching my children do new things and have fun with social interaction. I find a fasination and pride watching them try their hardest. I think that’s how most parent’s are. I look forward to seeing where my family’s relationship with Flawless Victory MMA  is going to go. The coaches are great, and very supportive in the growth of physical health and the MMA profession.

Sam is also going to help my wife rehab her arm, and get both strength and range of motion back into it. We spent several hours in the emergancy room, just to get meds, and no real examination. I feel that it’s kind of frustrating, when you would expect a medical professional to take the time to examine the problem, but instead say that it’s common, give us a perscription, and send us on our way. That was a huge waste of five hours of our time, but at least she did get something to help.

Professionally, I think that this or next week, I’ll start hearing from the moves that I’m trying to make. I’m really excited about this because, I’m ready to move on and grow into new things(That is why I went to school). I’m trying to keep positive about everything, and while I’ve faultered at times, I do think that the pay off’s going to be big, and I’ve got an eye in three different places for the same kind of job.

Anyway, things are really looking up. I had a rough moment this weekend, but feel better as my point was made. I just need to learn to control the emotions behind it a bit better. So, this is the director, and that’s a wrap.

4th Month Green Light.

So, today was a success at my four month check-up with the West Medical doctor. So, let’s get down to the status of were I’m at today. Keep in mind that I try to weigh in every two weeks besides the doctor’s visits, and since my last check up they say I’ve lost over nine pounds. The doctor was happy because I’m keeping consistent will my weight goals.

First, my weigh in was at 334 pounds exactly. That means I’ve lost 4.4 pounds since I weighed in during Wonder Con. That’s not bad since I seem to average between four and seven pounds every two weeks. I know that the weight is slowly starting to lose less and less, but if I keep up the work I’m doing, than I should be down at least a hundred pounds by my next weigh in, and so far, I’m probably the lowest weight that I’ve been in over ten years.

Another astonishing fact is the my BMI(Body Mass Index) is at 47.9. Before I started this whole thing, I was over a BMI of 61, and it’s noticeable by the clothing that I wear. Everything is just too big anymore, and I’ve had to get a size or two smaller. I’ve even dropped about ten pants sizes since December. I wouldn’t have dreamed that I would be able to drop more weight then my son is currently at.

This also brings me to the problem of me needing to buy a few uniforms at smaller sizes because, well, mine are just too big, and things are sliding off of my body. I’ve almost lost my pants several times, when walking or getting into a vehicle. I realize that I’ll have to bit the bullet on this one. Oh, well…

Today was a good day, as I made another purchase to help get my businesses pushed to the next level. It feels good to realize that I’ve taken my future serious. The things I want are set, and I’m doing everything I can to obtain them. It’s also great to have the direction that I need to get things accomplished.

The CK Project has already helped people start to make the change in their lives, and I hope that I’ll be able to use this experience to do motivational speaking engagements. It’s been a dream for years to get the message out on mental health and now physical health as well. I even plan on starting to work out with my son during the weekends. I think it might be good for him.

Well, I’m sure glad that the craziness from this weekend is over, and that I can finally relax, and enjoy being home for the next week. Next weekend is going to be handling things in town as we get ready to bring the production team together to discuss expansion(I know, I’ve mentioned it). I’ve got a great team with a chemistry that I look forward to infusing with more elements for a bigger reaction, and combination to get things done.

One more note, so The Geekultural Experience  is getting ready for it’s first broadcast tomorrow. We are going to be doing a show on Youtube that will be showing various comic shops and game stores that we’ve been too and recommend shopping at. I’ve already talked too a couple of owners in two different towns about this idea, and they are up for it. I can’t wait to introduce everyone to Otto, a game store owner in Bakersfield, and Roger, a comic book shop owner in Palmdale. These two are very good at their areas of expertise, and I’d be honored to help give them both more business if possible.

I wrote something on Facebook  last night, that I wanted to share. Think of it as a parting word for inspiration. Keep striving for growth. making the best version of yourself. That’s the best way to keep moving forward. I know that there are times that we feel a bit lost, shaken, self doubt…Remembering that we can always better ourselves, or strive to better ourselves gives us the chance to embrace the challenge to become something bigger than who we know ourselves to be. Some people thrive on competition, and who better than to compete with the one person who knows how to challenge us the most. The person who already knows all the tricks and dirty tactics that we would attempt to use to sabotage our success.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap!

A Week Until Four Months

I have about a week until my four month check up. Damn what a ride this year has been already, as a matter of fact, my size forty-six waist size us getting too big for me. With that comes the fact that I’ve been so busy, and I’ll admit that I kind of slacked off this week. After the craziness of con weekend, I think I deserved a bit of rest. As I sit here, I’m thinking about a conversation I had with my friend Curtis, and the fact that I thought after school I would have a bit of time off for relaxation….

Relaxation, what a load of shit that turned out to be. Not that life going full force isn’t fun, I just thought that I’d have a bit of time to chill during the weekends. Looking at this weekend, it was nice to have a moment to enjoy and sleep in my own bed without doing much, and that was the point, but looking at the rest of the month I have one out of four weekends free, and then I’ve committed to spend time with some of the most awesome people and watch a movie. I’m looking forward to that, as some time to relax with good people.

Keeping busy at least keeps me active. Friday we head one direction for some business, and then on Saturday we have to head in the opposite direction for my four month check up. Plus I’m adding to my weekly routine with my personal trainer this week(hopefully). I have some freelance business to do. I have a conference call tomorrow, I’m excited to see how that is going to turn out.

I’m also busy with some overtime this month at the regular job, and realizing that I have to work the weekend of  Avengers: Infinity War isn’t exactly the thing I wanted on my plate. Especially since I’ve been eager for this movie for two years, but the next weekend will get my money for sure.

Let’s get back to the weight loss journey at hand, while I haven’t weighed myself this week, because of my appointment on Saturday, I feel like I’m down a few more pounds. I saw a friend this weekend, and she told me that I looked so different since the last time she saw me. Again, that’s always a great confidence boost.

It’s funny that the closer I get to being at the -100 pound mark, the more determined I feel about loosing the weight. I figured that over all I have to lose between 220-240 to be at the ultimate goal. As an adult, if I would have been asked, I wouldn’t have ever dreamed of it being a reality, but no shit, this is happening. I’m cranking up the motivation again this week as I’m going to be hitting those 10k steps several times over this week.

Again, this all depends on what all happens to me this week, as with having to get in a couple of hours in for late night overtime at some point, this week? Plus the freelance meetings that I have, then the traveling out of town for a couple of days. There really isn’t enough hours in the day anymore. Yet I will prevail!

One of the things I’ve been doing since graduation is that I’ve been job searching, and I’ve added blogger, and health and wellness to the experience. I love how life is giving me the experience that I need to be better in the professional world.

So, my advice for anyone who seems to be unmotivated or unsure of what they want to do, or where they want to be; all I can say is that it get easier. I remember that after I had my surgery, 10,000 steps seemed so hard to reach. As a matter of fact, I could barely get to 5,000. You’ve seen the stats, you’ve read about the journey. It gets easier, and once you figure that out. You’ll notice when you start to slack. Remember that the biggest trick to weight loss is the fact that it’s a mental game. Keep it there, because once you do. The physical part becomes so much easier. Remember the old cliche: Mind over matter. No shit! It’s true, and that’s the reason I’ve been so successful in this journey. The positivity, the motivation, all of it was my choice.

Reach inside yourself and find that which is going to motivate you. It took me to feel like I was almost dying to take control of my life, and there isn’t anything I regret by doing the surgery. At the same time, I’m not going to lie, it takes work. Sure the weight starts to melt off and you get this false sense of confidence that it’ll be a cake walk. I think that’s why there are those who still fail, even after the surgery, but get that mind right, and tell yourself that you are in control, and make procrastination your bitch. In the end, you’ll thank yourself for the determination.

For too long, I let my depression, keep hold of me. Taking the time to change the way I think was one of the best things I’ve ever done. Now I rarely have a bad day. Even those days, aren’t so bad. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Phase 2: What’s Next?

As I seem to finally be getting all my “ducks in a row”, I can’t help but think of the growth that this month has brought me. First, I’ve really started getting into the free lance thing, and I’m currently building my connections to work with other people in the future. I should be doing more videos soon, and not just for the film side of things, but I also think that it’s about time for the CK Project to start coming out with somethings too.

Which leads me to the second “duck”. I’ve been really pushing the weight loss part of the project since before my surgery, and I stand firm on how I’m moving forward. The walking will continue, even if I’ve slacked for a couple of days. After all I did walk over thirty-one miles over the convention weekend. I’m so close to the one hundred pound mark that I’ll be excited if that’s where I’ll be weighing in at my four month check up.

I have to keep mindful of slacking off, because getting back into old habits isn’t hard to do. Even my studying has tapered off. In my defense, this has been a crazy month, and I’m getting back on track for things(notice the blog coming out today). I have to keep going, because there are other’s looking up to me as a role model. It’s crazy to think that I would be where I am right now in my life. Good thing that I’m doing my best to be a positive beacon.

I was having a conversation with a friend today, and she told me that my motivation and positive energy has affected her, and that she’s been trying to do more for her family. I’m glad that I could help. That’s the turning point for me, when I decided that I wanted to help others and not just myself. That’s just part of the mental change for me.

Speaking of the mental change, I’m having more problems focusing at my current job, because there’s more passion in the other side in my life. I can’t wait to be dealing with that side full-time, and be able to get paid for it. I’m not trying to get rich by any means, but I know that I can do better than I have now, and I can support my family better. At this, I have moments that I feel my patience is wavering. Which another friend says that it seems like it would be common for my situation.

I think that losing the weight has also helped me mentally. Now I’m not so down on myself because I’m feeling trapped in my body. I’m actually feeling different, with the way I stand, my confidence(which on a side note, hasn’t really ever been a problem), and overall, I’m feeling better in health than I have in the last fifteen years.

I love how people are encouraging me, and telling me to keep it up. I kind of think that it’s funny that people would say that too me. This has been a lot of work, even with the surgery, don’t you think that I would want to keep it off. I’ve been fat most of my life, I’m ready for the time I’m not shaped like the Kool-aid man. Believe me, I’ve seen some people kind of stop doing what it takes to keep off the weight, and it isn’t worth it to me, in my book.

Finally, I’m getting my geek media started. The Geekultural Expereince. This was something that I’ve wanted to do for a long time, but I never really had a name for it. The last name we had was Geek on Geek, but I realized that’s kind of over done, and I wanted something more unique, and why not. Geek, Culture, Experience; it just made sense to me. Look for the first pod cast this weekend, and we’ll be dropping it on Saturday, March thirty-first.

This was just a small update, and as always, this is the director and that’s a wrap.

Let’s ‘Drop It Like It’s Hot’

I hit the 10,000 steps two days in a row, and almost did for a third day, but the average was over that 10k mark for sure. With that being said, I’ve kind of chilled the last two days to give myself a rest. I feel like I push myself ragged at times, which makes it harder for me to focus on the studious aspect of my life. The results are good though very good.

Remember when I talked about my start on this weight loss journey that my highest weight was 429.9 lbs? Breaking down the science of fat content, that and the fact that I’m 5’10(I think my weight shrunk me a bit), that equals out to a Body Mass Index of 61.7. That means that 61.7% of my body was covered by fat, and that’s what caused me to feel like a prisoner in my body. It also explains why it was harder for me to be cold(well insulated for sure).

I went in and weighed myself yesterday, and I discovered that I’ve lost another 7.6 lbs, which puts me at the weight of 352.4. My BMI is now at 50.6 and the total is now at 77.5 lbs, and with that, I feel accomplished.352.4

Yep, that’s me! When it’s compared to how I was looking, people say they see the loss in the face, and neck….what I notice in this pic is how much belly has gone, and even looking down I see that it’s missing. It’s fantastic not feeling like the Kool-aid man. People tell me to keep it up and not to stop. Believe me, there’s no chance in that. Realize that I did, get part of my body removed to help get me going on the right path, and I’m determined not to stay fat. I like not hurting or struggling when I move. That’s the biggest part of the win so far.

Second win goes to the people who seemed to be inspired by this journey that I’ve undertaken, as I’m recruiting people to do some hikes with me and the family. I think it’ll be a great bonding experience, and honestly, other’s wanting to take my example and get heathy too, is one of the most amazing feelings to me as well.

The weight loss has really helped my mental health as well, with the compliments, more self confidence comes into play. Plus I don’t feel like I loathe myself anymore.  I can’t think of anything better then all the positives that are coming out of these life changes. I’ve discovered that there are still a few things that upset my stomach, but I’m also trying to be conscious about not trying to stretch it out. I miss some of the spices that I love so much, but I’m sure I’ll be able to eat those again someday, and I’m at about the two and a half month mark out from my surgery.

I might just make that hundred pound mark with in the next few months. I haven’t seen three hundred in about seventeen years, and it would be incredible to make that half-way-point in my ultimate goal weight. Right now, my smaller goal is 339.5. Once I reach that, I’ll plan on making a goal of about 296, which was the weight I was when I was married to my first wife, in 2001. I get excited about those kinds of thoughts. I get excited to know that I won’t be fat for the rest of my life, and that my life won’t be as short as it was probably going to end up had I not done something to take the control back.

It’s sad to think that I got to a point where I thought that I was going to die, and I’ll be honest, I welcomed it for a time there. I stopped caring, and I was just going to let life happen to me, and I didn’t care when or where it would happen. Now, it’s different. Now I have the power, and I like to move, and get those steps in. Soon, I’ll be able to push myself again, and I can’t weight to add weights into my routine. I’ve always loved weight lifting, and I’ll feel more comfortable on the machines that I’m going to use. I’ll get in the sit-ups, push-ups, and a faster mile. This in vain of what I do for work, and I could promote, but I don’t really have the drive to continue with the current track for my career. I want to move onto something that give me a chance to use the more creative part of my brain.

The reward, would be the fact that I could do it if I chose too. I’ve come a long way in the last year, and I’m all about self improvement these days. I’ve got the best support system that I think any person could ask for, and it’s a blessing that it helps to keep me motivated. Though the real trick is that I’m keeping myself motivated. I have my bad days, but I stay motivated. I think that’s how I’m learning to survive, is by staying motivated, and positive. Getting the mind and body in harmony is the secret.

Anyway, this is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Twelve Years To The Day

Today is my son’s twelfth birthday, and while I sit hear and reflect on the years he’s been in my life, I thought that I would dedicate this blog to him, on his day. I’m proud of the man he’s becoming, and I’ve loved watching the growth within him as a person. Here’s to the awesome person that he is:

At this time in my life, I was a young and recently new Realtor in the real estate business. I had gone on to get my license and thought that this was the what I was going to do the rest of my life. Sarah was babysitting and we were doing okay financially at the time. Autumn, my eldest daughter was an independent three year old, whom I was I thinking might be our only child. I would have been okay with that because, she’s an amazing kid, and I love her with all my heart.

Being new, maybe a couple of months in to starting my new career field, Sarah had told me that she was sensitive in her chest, that was when I told her to be careful for a few days and see if that issue would go away. After several days, we decided to go ahead and get her a pregnancy test, which was ended up positive. My good friend Terry had been hanging out with us that day. So, he got the news at the same time that I did.

Now, Sarah had hyperemesis, when she was pregnant the first time with Autumn. In layman terms means that she had nine months of twenty-four hour pregnancy sickness. We thought that this was going to be different, but Murphy’s law came into effect. I mean, why not? It wasn’t like we were trying to get our lives together and my career was already set, but yes, it was worse than the our first pregnancy. Sarah ended up losing her job, and I was at the hospital with her almost the whole time. What a training regiment that ended up being for me as a Realtor.

Fast forward to January 28th, 2006- At around midnight we get to the hospital and by five-twenty-four, our little boy was born. That was the fastest birth I’d ever witnessed, and he had come six weeks earlier than expected. He stayed in the maternity ward for three weeks. This was a hard time in life, but I was glad to have my son, and Autumn got to go in and hold her baby brother as well.

Another jump in time, and I’ve got to say that Christopher Alexander Keeling II is a special boy. No, it’s not just because he’s my son, but on his own he shows so much more than I could ever expect from a young man. We discovered that he was Autistic when he was six years old. That explained the quarks we didn’t think anything of at that time in his life. He also has a learning delay, yet, he has a brilliant mind. Some of the things he says blows my mind that a kid his age would even think about.

One of the things we share is a love of music, at the age of two, he was into Sinatra and the whole crooner thing. He also has a love of Queen, which was something he reacted too while still in the womb. He loves his video games, wrestling, and super heroes. His favorites are the Flash and the Hulk. Very different characters, from the opposite sides of the spectrum.

What I personally think is awesome is how supportive he’s been, especially in my well being. He makes sure to check to see if I’m eating okay, reminds me to exercise, and he’s been supportive of my school journey as well. He’s even fascinated with wanting to help with the film company, which he’s ran the camera for me on a few little things here and there. He even filmed a shot for Nash Gray.

Sure, we play video games together and, enjoy our music and movies. However it’s the fact that he’s so health conscious that really fascinates me. He doesn’t eat a lot of junk, and he’s giving up on soda. He really is a supporter of his dad getting healthy and living a long life.

Even though he has Asperger’s, he’s well liked among his peers, and our family friends, think he’s awesome. I’m proud of the man he’s becoming, because he show’s concern for other’s, and I’m amazed by the progress he’s gone through in his academic life. I love my children, and I’m glad that I can celebrate his day with him. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Ready, Set, Hike

So, one of the things that I started doing was going hiking. Not like it’s very far or long, but it’s a start.  I’ve been enjoying myself, connecting with nature, and today we took our pug Smush with us. It feels good not to be in pain when I walk.

I’ve been finding more of my spirituality over the past several months. I’m feeling positive energies that I would normally just ignore, but there’s something there that I can’t ignore. The positive energy has helped influence people around me as well.

So, after my first hike yesterday, I took a nap because my overall steps for the day ended up being around 7200, and my body’s not use to it anymore. I was out for about a hour and a half, but it was refreshing. I’m ready to start pushing myself for the weight loss journey that I’ve undertaken for sure.

Speaking of my weight loss journey and influence, I think that I’m gonna have some video testimonies going on soon, as a friend of mine has lost twenty pounds since I’ve been going through this, and he told me that I motivated him. A CK Project video will be coming soon, and I was thinking of doing a group hike and exercise thing during the weekends. It would be fun to film and see others getting into a healthy body.

One of the things that I wanted to do in life was be a motivational speaker, and an influencer, I think that I’m going in the right direction for that. Well, I’m getting ready to go back to work next week, and I’ll have more to say at another time.

As my readers, is there anything you want to read about? Or maybe a discussion that you’d like to get going? Drop me a note, line, or whatever, and I’ll see what I can do to help spark up the idea.

So this is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

Can’t Stop This Feeling

As I head into the fourth week since my operation, things seem to finally feel different…in a better way. I’m starting to feel like I have more energy, and I have way more motivation to do things. I even find myself standing up for periods of time, even while watching television. I’m vastly looking forward to getting my four week checkup next Tuesday.

So, 2018 is the year that I get motivated(even more)to get all the projects done. While I’ve been on leave from work, I’ve gotten some stuff done(graduation stuff, job searching, etc.) and my film projects, are slowly taking off, but I’m also working on some behind the scene things. The CK Project has been the biggest thing that I’ve been working on since Nash Gray, i.e the blogs, pics on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/ckproject97/. I just haven’t filmed anything really about it since my ten days out before my surgery.

Speaking of my weight loss journey, I haven’t weighted myself since, my last weigh in, however I’m starting to look thinner, my clothes are getting so much bigger that, I’ve started buying smaller clothes. I swim in my five x shirts, and I’m wondering how my work clothes are going to fit, when I go back to work in a couple of weeks. I’m looking better, and I’m feeling better, and that’s the important part of the journey.

I think the better trade off is the fact that I got motivated to do the Gastric Sleeve. Not because it’s an easier way to lose weight, that’s total bullshit. You still have to be careful with what you eat, and how you eat. The toll this process has physical and psychological ramifications to it as well. I’ve read on my Facebook sleeve support group that some people regret the surgery. Most have seemed happy with it, but there are those who do regret the process.

I had those moments, and I also understand that going through this process can leave a feeling of self loss. Look at how much food defines who we are as people. Watching Football generally has food(BBQ, snacks). Hanging out at social events generally take place as a bar or restaurants. This can have people like myself feel at a loss. Even to a point of feeling alienated. Food is a huge part of most people’s lives, and that’s very true for me.

I’m adjusting to food not being apart of my life anymore. I was in love with it forever. I loved the smell, I loved the taste, I loved the camaraderie that came from sharing a meal with friends. This isn’t something I’ve yet experienced with anyone, as I’ve not done a meal with too many friends yet, but I know that it’s coming.

The bigger question is how are things going to be when I do return to work. It’ll put me back on a schedule, and put me back into normalcy, with is the real test, because work’s the one thing that makes my week feel normal. Will the ten hour days feel easier on my body as I’m lighter? Will I be craving the in between snacks that help me get through my day? There’s things that I still have these kinds of questions for, and that’s because this is a new experience for me.

I’m going to get somethings taken care of for the day, so this is the director and that’s a wrap.

Two Days From Zero, Time to Move Forward

Well, the last blog that I did was about me getting nervous, and how I was getting scared of the unknown. As of the day of the surgery, my worries were founded. I’m not going to lie, the first ten to twelve hours after my surgery sucked ass. I was dehydrated, and sore. I thought I would be sore from the incisions, but it was the gas buildup that hurt.

After my surgery, I don’t think that I could stay awake for more than a ten minute period until around four pm. After that I would stay up longer, and around six, I was starting to get up and move around to use the rest room. By around midnight, the night manager was letting me sit in his chair and we would watch tv together, and bullshit, so I didn’t sleep much else that night.

We were down in Tarzana with our friend Alisa, and by we, I mean myself and my wife Sarah. Traffic was a bunch of fuckery down there on a Tuesday morning, and it makes me appreciate that it’s not something that I have to do on a daily basis. Good driving on Sarah’s part, even if it shook me around a bit, at lest I’m here, able to tell everyone about it. Still, the gas is the worst part of the ordeal, by I had a good surgeon and I will always recommend West Medical to anyone who wants to consider taking this step to a better life style. The doctors are good, and the staff is pretty kick ass too.

Being back in my bed was nice, even if I ended up sleeping like shit with some trips dreams about how the world was build on lines. Dude, that was a really weird dream. So, I ended up spending the rest of the night on the couch, and yet, five am rolls around, and I’m wide awake, which I feel is total bullshit and my circadian rhythm needs to fix itself again. At least I’m handling the diet even after the surgery, I just find myself paying more attention to how my body feels than anything else. It was nice to have apple juice and white grape juice to help feel my mornings up the last two days, since I couldn’t have anything on the day of surgery. I decided to walk around, and I felt like I was going Yoda speed while doing it. I know that it was that the gas was moving around inside of me, at least it’s mostly out now.

Tonight’s exciting because I get to remove the bandages and take a shower tonight. Sarah noticed that my stomach looks flatter than it was from a couple days ago, so I had to check it out. I did a video while shirtless so that people could see where I was cut and how they took my pound and a half stomach out of my belly button. Honestly, I’ve been conscious of my body for years, and that was a moment that I just felt that part of this process needed to be shown. I’ve had thirty-five views the last I checked, and that’s better than most that I’ve done so far.

So, I guess that’s really where building the CK Project brand is going to take place. With my weight loss journey, and I’ve been told that it’s been motivating, and that’s what I always wanted it to be about. Is motivating people to do something to better themselves. Especially since we live in a world of trolls and negativity. There’s too much of that going on out there. Both online and politically. If this is an inspiring blog, please comment, let me know how it makes you feel. Share the hell out of my content like the dirty whore I am(joking, but still share). I want to know that my message is helping out.

This is the director and that’s a wrap.

Too Much Passion? Keep It Up

So, people like to be entertained, and there are many forms to be entertained by. Watching movies, playing music, making costumes….even pretending to be living in medieval times, and being a knight. That’s why we have hobbies, that is why we do the things we do. We like to pass time, with our hobbies, that’s what gives us relief, that’s what brings us back to our centers. We live to pursue our passions, or at least we should.

So, what happens when it doesn’t become fun anymore? Do we try and find a way to rekindle that passion(hey, I was out of the superhero thing for many years, egad!), or do we force ourselves to continue when we are clearly burnt out on that passion? What becomes of that passion when someone clearly wants something, but isn’t willing to work for it? What happens when you find people of the like mind, and their burn out starts to make it less enjoyable to you?

Look, hobbies are just that hobbies. Some people feel an obligation to continue on a hobby because that’s all they know. Look, if you are burnout, just quit, nobody’s going to stop you, and if you’re unhappy or in denial about change, then stop. Don’t bring a cloud down on people who want to enjoy what is there for the hobby, just because you can’t except yourself leaving that hobby. Then you push people back, and politic the shit out of it so that other’s are as miserable as you are. There was a time that you had a passion for these hobbies and now it’s like you have a cross to bare, just stop. All it does is seem to make you an asshole because you can’t except change.

I digress, I got a bit off course for a minute there. I have a passion for life, and I have a passion that covers a vast amount of different things in my life. I’ll admit that I’m finding my limits in some of those areas, but at the same time, I can take a moment and reset my mind, because I am passionate about those things. Quite frankly, I don’t want to lose those passions because it makes me who I am. I’m passionate about comics and superheroes. This world is shitty enough as it is with trolls trying to take other’s down because I think it’s funny or that they want to change the status quo in a negative way. People would rather watch you fall and spit on you, than to help you up and push you to succeed.

I’m passionate about geeky things, and I don’t have to share the specific subject that someone else is passionate about, to get excited to watch the fire when someone talks about how awesome frisbee golf is. I love the passion that people share when they talk about professional wrestling. I was there too, once, and I kind of got out of it, because I found it getting too stale, but God damn, I like watching my boy pretend that he’s John Cena, and his reactions to watching Raw or Smackdown. I like when my girls get all excited about Monster High and the new dolls that come out.

Passion is the only thing that should motivate us in life. If you’re passionate about making money and shopping, than you should be fired to do what it is that helps you get there. I’ve been a slave working jobs to make some money just to survive and support my family. I know what it’s like not to like going to work because there’s no passion there. I’m fortunate enough that I like the people I deal with on a regular basis to keep me going. Yes, this has been a very motivated blog this time, not only to vent my own frustrations with the world, but because this is something that I need to remind myself of as well.

Please, if you ever feel that the passion is gone, and the hobby doesn’t really interest you anymore, just stop. Let the other people continue to enjoy it until they stop having that passion. There’s no need to drag other people down into your misery with you.

This is the director and I’m calling this blog a wrap.

Aw Man, What Was I Thinking

I’m glad the I decided to start my own production company. I love being my own boss, but a the same time, I’m looking to go out there and work for other people. Especially since I want the experience so that I can become a better filmmaker in my own right. I’ve gotten the chance to pick with kinds of projects that I work on, and this has been the most fun experience that I’ve had as a professional. There are days though that seem like they might just be too much.

Because I decided to go on in this business venture, it’s not been the easiest of choices. Now as I come to the closing chapters of my schooling and getting that degree, I’ve come to the point where I need to start focusing on becoming a business person as well. There have been challenges in this aspect, and I’m contemplating decisions that I might not like making, but it comes with the territory.

The other part of this is the fact that “anything worth doing, is never easy”. What truth that quote holds. You try and do the right thing, say like adopt a child in need. That’s difficult in and of itself. Deciding on a major career change, is a challenge when you’ve been doing something for so long, that is all you feel you’re qualified for.  Being in love and making that work, is not always the easiest thing to do either. Yet, there are reason’s that drive us to do these things.

Weight loss surgery is something else I’ve decided on, because being a person who feels trapped in a body that I didn’t bargain for is how I feel. I can’t move as much as I like, I hate the way I look in pictures, and I don’t like that all the clothes I can wear are expensive as hell. I don’t like looking at myself in the mirror. So, I have a very negative look on my own self image, and I hide it with an over confident attitude. It’s worked for me so far, and I know that charisma is something I do have.

I also know that these decisions that I’v made in the last few years are going to put me in a financial spot that I’m going to have to overcome, but I have faith that I will, because that’s always been the story of my life. I’ve got to have that drive to keep going, because I’ve got responsibilities, and that drive is always good for the artist. Yes, it may mean that I have to put that much extra work to get there, but I’ll do what I must.

So, this is my determination: I’m going to lose the weight and change my life style to maintain the weight loss. I’m going to do everything in my power to become the best damn filmmaker that I can. I’ll go ahead and do what I can to learn from professionals and craft my trade of choice. I can’t just let the haters win, who said that I needed to get real and go get a “practical job”. I need to get that career that betters my station and ignore the comments of being a part of the “hamburger brothers”.

I’m going to do this so that I can show my kids that it’s not bad to want something and work hard for it. I’ve always been able to make friends, and have some of the best people believe in me, so I don’t want to disappoint them, and I want to show them my gratitude for being the supports they are. I want to be able to provide better for my family because we should have to feel trapped in a situation that needs growth. I want to let my loved one’s know that I do love them, and I want to be there for them. I want to feel like a better person than I sometimes do.

While there are good things, I know that I’ve had many negative people come into my life and plant those seeds of doubt. I’m here to send them all away because all they’ve ever done was motivate me even more. Drive me more, make me successful, that’s what I want. I do what I have to, in both survival, and supporting my family. I will prevail.

This is the director and that is a wrap. https://igg.me/at/ZmRcVWz8R24/x/17178142 Support this.