Putting Tabasco on the Basco

I want to give a huge thank you and shout out to Sam Basco. We’ve known each other for twenty-years, and for most of that time we kept talking about doing some working out together. I would find excuse after excuse on why I wasn’t ready to work out with him, and that was how things went for many years.

Sam’s a good guy, he has a love of comics, martial arts, and health. Among other things Sam has written articles on the subject of physical fitness. As I’ve discovered, Sam is really a jack-of-many-trades when it comes to personal training. Not only is he a coach and a personal trainer, he’s also a dietician, a physical therapist, and teaches me life lessons.

Sam’s been the right element to help push my physical transformation. He keeps me honest, and knows when to push me to go harder. He’s also been helping me find my inner warrior, which is something that I never sought out before. I appreciate it because there have been times in my life that I needed more than I was getting, and I wouldn’t stand up for myself. I would just take, and take, until I exploded.

I was out of control and I had no direction. Now things have become different, I’m different, more motivated. It sometimes seems like it’s been easy, but these improvements have taken years to come, and my willingness to change. Sad part is, death was the eye opener. I felt like I was on my way there, and there was a point that I didn’t care.

It sounds kind of selfish now that I think of it. I mean, I have a loving wife, great kids, so why wouldn’t I care about living? Being a depressant doesn’t work like that, all the thoughts are, of wanting the feeling to end. I remember doing things while being depressed that would defer me from having to deal with those feelings. Sarah didn’t understand. The children just say that dad was closing himself off from everyone else. I just wanted the feelings to go away.

Again, it’s a shame that it takes something major to wake yourself up from whatever is going on. I think that the sign that God sends. You need to deal with your issue and buy putting something in front of you, or in this case myself. I had to decide how I was going to handle it. Did I want to continue down the same self-destructive path that I had been on for a few years? Did I want to find that light at the end of the tunnel?

Finding that light was deciding that I wanted to improve my quality of life. I had enough of quantity, and I needed substance to fulfill myself. When I say quantity, I mean I was living off of the pleasure of satisfying my insecurities with food. All the food, all the time. Depression, feed the comfort food to it. Boredom, keep the entertainment by feeding the mouth and keeping the taste buds distracted. Yet, there was always something missing. I wasn’t ready to be goal oriented. I was just skating by with a job, and home life, there wasn’t anything else, and I knew that I wasn’t satisfied, but I didn’t want to listen to myself until the possible loss of employment changed my life.

I wish that we as a a society didn’t have to wait or deny that our persons need a change from self-destruction. I wish that I was “woke” to the situation that I needed to change something. Unfortunately, that takes a courage that all too many times  we lack. Is this because of our vanity? Or is it that change is something that most people seem to fear?

Too often we are taught in society that different isn’t good. While it seems that some of society standards have changed there are those who can’t seem to grasp change. Racism was the social norm until the civil rights movement changed that. Yet, you still hear that hatred being perpetrated, just on a quieter scale. Classism on which people of varying economic levels, view those of a lower class to be beneath them.

Is this why people are ingrained to ignore changes needed in their behavior? Is it truly that rare case in where someone decides to break the social standards, and rise above their giving station in life? I lived a very self-serving life when I was younger, and while I was always a “nice guy”, I had my own motivations for doing things. In a way I still do, just now I choose to help others, because in my motivations, it brings me happiness to see someone better themselves. I wish there were more people like that.

I would hope that anyone reading this would take a look at themselves, and see what changes they might need in their lives. If for any reason is to reflect on the types of decisions that they might make, or constantly make. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

First Blog 2019.

I originally had started a blog about the new year, and how we shouldn’t look at it as a time for a fresh start. The truth is life is about ten percent of what happens to you. The other ninety is how you choose to react to it.

With that being said, I’ve found myself in a very emotional place over the weekend. My mother had a fall off of a ladder while taking down Christmas lights, and fractured her skull. She has multiply contusions and bruised her brain. I found myself looking at her in the bed, and I felt uncomfortable, and I was scared for my mother.

If it would have been my father, I could have handled it. We’ve been in that situation before. He had a heart attack in 1996, so mentally I would have been prepared for that. I was there when my dad was having neck surgery, and so I was even more prepared for that. This I couldn’t have ever imagine.

With everything that I went through with my wife, I think I could have been prepared for her in this situation. We’ve gone through her having a concussion and ending up in the emergency room. Through two pregnancies, and the various health scares, I would have been prepared for her, but not my mom.

Since this incident happened on Friday, January fourth, it’s all been a waiting game. I did get news last night, the eighth, that she did sit up, and that she spoke a little, which was good news. This is still going to be a long process, but any good news, brings me hope that this won’t be as bad as it could have been.

The outpour of love and support has been amazing. I truly feel touched by the texts and messages that I’ve received over the weekend, and continue to get on a daily basis. People, ask about how my mom is, and they ask me on how I’m doing. It makes me think on how valid my relationships are.

Though it’s been a rough start to the year, I’m not going to let this incident define my year, and I will just use it as a brief obstacle in my journey. I did miss a few days in my ten thousand step life. Yet, I’m going to be getting back on track for my forty-day step challenge, I’m just going to have to start over again, but I can do this. I’ve done a twelve days as my highest so far.

On the good news, I did my thirteenth month check-up on Saturday and I’m now down 148.1 pounds. It feels good to be 281.8, with a 40.4 BMI. It’s amazing how far I’ve come since I started this process almost a year-and-a-half ago. I’ve got about eighty-five pounds to go before I hit the ultimate goal, but I figure that my next goal is 265. I’m getting there, it may not be as fast as I was, but I’ll keep it going.

I’m not going to let the bad things define the rest of my life, negativity brings too many people down. I know that mentally, I’m a self-sabotage type of person. I’m also having doubt creep up in my mind when I do the various things in my life. I find myself leaning not to be that way, and I’m constantly  learning not to put myself down.

My personal training sessions have taken a different turn as we’ve started circuit training. This is defiantly a different process as now I’m having to learn to push through with a different kind of workout. I felt like I died a few times during my workouts, but it’s good, and yet it sucks at the same time. I will learn to make this type of workout my bitch though.

I’m hoping that this rough patch passes quickly, but I can’t let it keep me down as life goes on. Well, this is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Going Too Hard

     There are times when you want to push yourself, I tend to do that during my workouts. Sunday was one of those days that I pushed, but I think I pushed to hard as I had pulled a muscle in my sciatic area. Today, I’m feeling better, but as I look back on years past. I tend to hurt myself while working out at this time of year. I spent two weeks off during Christmas about five years ago because I worked my shoulders too hard.

     I don’t want to say that this happens because I’m careless, but I sometimes push myself to do heavier, and I’ve come to realize that with heavier weights, and thanks to Sam for his knowledge that form has to be carefully watched, that I’m not always careful of what I’m doing. This has been particularly more noticeable as I’ve been learning to do the proper lifting techniques for the Clean and Jerk

     Over coming fear has been something that I’ve been battling with since I’ve started this whole weight loss journey, especially the movement and abilities that I have. I’m having to relearn that I can do things that I haven’t done in years. Being fat for as long as I had been, I became afraid of falling down. Gravity hadn’t been my friend for years, and I would hit the ground harder because I was so big. With that, I’m having to learn that the ground isn’t so far down anymore, and I do have better control of my body.

     This really comes from also trying to get out of my own head. At 145.3 pounds down,  and I’m still learning about the ends and outs of my own body. It’s amazing with what I can do, but it might be even more surprising that self-doubt is still very heavily present in my everyday life. 

     These things will be erased as I do more things that I didn’t think I can do. I know that I can move faster and that I can jog for at least a half-mile straight. It’s still not very fast, but I’m getting there. I just need to keep going, and that’s with every aspect in life. Just keep going, failure is the biggest teacher, and I know that’s not something most people like to hear, and also many people’s biggest fear. Yet, if we don’t fail, we don’t have a measuring stick to use to get better. Eventually, we’ll succeed. Always keep that in mind when setting out to do something. Each failure is a step towards success, and that’s where everyone wants to be, successful.

     I apologize that I’ve been less frequent with my thoughts, and my motivation isn’t where it always should be, however, I often think about everyone, and I’m looking to revamp my motivation, and bring out content. This is the director and that’s a wrap.

The Four Day Feel Good

Last weekend was great. Everything turned out to be just the right vibe to put me in a better mood. I made my personal training sessions last week, and did both days of the weekend at the gym.

I’m glad that I’m setting things right in life. It gets hard when everything in life starts to feel like it’s trying to go against you. With the plateau, and family health, I hadn’t been feeling positive and slightly depressed.

(A continuation, because I started this post earlier in the week)

I should totally say that while I’m getting more motivated, my video game addiction gets heavy this time of hear because of all the good games coming out, like Spider-man for the PS4, WWE 2k19, Assassin’s Creed: Odyssey, and Red Dead Redemption 2. Though that’s for a totally different thing that I do.

However, I also hit my personal training days this week, I’m planing on weighing in on Sunday, because I’ve been discouraged by the scale as of the last month. I also plan on going to the gym both days this weekend, and take the boy with me. I was happy to take him last weekend and see what he could do. He does get better, I just know that it’s going to take awhile for him to get that proper form going.

I should say that my running has gotten better than I expected. I can run a five-point-six on the treadmill for two minutes. I’ve also done a six-point-zero for a minute, so that I know that I’ll get better. It helps going to the things that I’m trying to accomplish in my professional and personal life.

On a bright note about myself being happy, is that I’ve been writing one of my screen plays again, and it’s putting me in the feel good mood that I’ve been missing. It’s really amazing how much the mind and the body seem to mirror each other, and I’m constantly amazed by the self-awareness that I’ve been gaining through out this whole process.

Part of the process is that I’m starting to put more focus on my brands again because, it helps me feel better. Sometimes it seems strange, but staying busy doesn’t leave too much room for negative thoughts. Besides, I’m building something, and making it tangible. It’s amazing to see the feeling of accomplishment. I’m trying to make a positive impact on my children’s lives as we build something for the betterment of the family.

I showed the kids that you could accomplish anything you put your mind too, through dedication and hard work. I busted my ass to get through school, and I noticed that I have a passion when I talk about the whole process of filmmaking. I sometimes think that I tend to bite of too much more than I can handle since I’m taking myself in several different directions all at one time. Time to refocus and get that work flow going again.

If you like the things I saw, and want to follow more closely to the CK Project, than you can follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ckproject97/. It’s a bit of promotion, I know, but it’s another way you can follow my life, and the craziness that can happen. Plus you can PM me on there and we can start up a conversation if you, the reader, have questions.

I can never say enough of how much I’m enjoying the journey to better health, and I’m continually growing as a person. I’m gaining a warrior’s spirit, and the biggest success story of my life, is that fact that I’m still here, among the living, and I didn’t let suicidal tendencies get the best of me. I’m a survivor, and there is nothing anyone can do to take away those accomplishments.

Before I call this a wrap, I want to mention that by the end of the year, my team and I will be coming out with a few different pod casts that will cover various subjects, such as battling depression, inspirational motivation about self-care, and my other brands will be coming out with some pretty sweet stuff. So, if you like my writing, like my blog. If you love it, then please share, let’s boost the message I’ve been trying to get out. With that, this is the director and that’s a wrap.

Life With Unmotivated Words

So, seventeen days have passed since my last blog. Motivation has mostly eluded me as I’ve been dealing with life’s issues of varying degrees. I know that I need to get myself in the right mind set, and I’m putting myself back on track today.

It’s funny because I set my goal to get back on the right path on Friday and I’m sticking to that commitment. Time to kick even more ass as I head closer to my one year anniversary of my surgery.

Before I continue, I find it funny how the levels of motivation seem to change. While life had been going on, my writing has fallen behind, but my weight loss journey has been moving forward really well.  I’m shrugging it off and am putting more dedication to the other aspects of my life. I need those outlets to help me keep myself more sane.

Today I ended up staying home and helping the wife out with her recovery from the procedure she had yesterday. That meant that I had to take the kid, who wasn’t sick, to school today. I feel good that I was able to get in my personal training session. It was good to get some time and focus on my journey to better help. It’s one of the things that I require in my life to find a balance. Which is something else that I find kind of funny that I’ve become dependent on things to help me keep peace in my soul.

I finally started on my slasher script, and while I had a few pages on paper, I’m eager to see where I take this story. I’m taking my time to write it, because I want this to be the best writing I’ve done so far, even if that’s the way I feel about every piece I write. The creative process has been a saving grace of mine for the last several years, and I’m discovering that I shouldn’t put it off. Every time I do, I feel a bit off, though, working out is also part of it as well.

I’ve been getting colder as the days get shorter, I guess that’s part of where the weight loss has been negative, but fitting in a 2x shirt has made things well worth the journey so far. Although the hanging skin is something that I want to go away at some point. Though  the things I can do with it does make people laugh. I’ll be ready to get rid of the wizard sleeves after my journey changes from losing to maintaining.

I was able to see my friend at The Great Western War. She recently had the surgery and was looking great. She told me that everyone had been telling her how much her attitude had changed. She said that she didn’t realize how much happier she was. I was telling her that I agreed, that I noticed that having the surgery changed me like that as well.

It’s funny how much the mind, and body really align with each other. When one is off, so is the other usually. That’s where over compensation tends to come in. For me it was putting on the ego, and having the over the top personality. While the ego’s fading away with real confidence, I don’t think my personality has changed. Though I do feel like I’m quieter over all. I take more time to speak and not let my emotions get the best of me anymore, or at least I try not too.

I’m the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

Push To Not Give Up

Our minds can be our greatest strength, but it can also be our worse enemy. I also know that this has been a subject that I’ve been touching on quite a bit recently. It’s just part of the journey, as I continue on building a better self. At least I haven’t given up on the path yet.

Moving forward, I weighed-in yesterday. Being in a place of self doubt, and not thinking I’ve been doing vary well, I was glad to see that I hadn’t let myself get out of control. The scale came in at 293.9. That’s a five pound loss since my last weigh-in. My BMI is at 42.2, which is great to know that I’ve lost about twenty percent of my body mass.

I’m kind of in an odd spot where I’ve had to get smaller equipment to wear for work, the stuff I’ve been wearing is getting way to big on me, yet one size smaller is still a bit too small for me. I did notice last week that the belt I wear was starting to fit better though. I also realize that now’s the time I actually get myself some new uniforms.

All I can keep telling myself is to just keep pushing forward. It’s always hard to keep that on the forefront of my mind, but it’s worth it. A misstep isn’t the end of the world. I think that’s the biggest fear…to just loose control and end up back at square one. Maybe that’s my check point, and what keeps me going. That fear of being like I was, with no will power, and no self control. I don’t want to feel the way I used to feel. I’m liking my new outlook on life.

Going back to the weigh-in though: I’m down 136 pounds. It feels good, no, it feels great. My next goal to hit is 270, and I know that isn’t so far away of obtaining. I’m now at a weight that I was before I got with my wife Sarah. It feels great, and that was over eighteen years ago. If I hit below 270, that will be a weight I haven’t seen in over twenty years. As I say and think it, a feeling of amazement comes to mind. I can’t even begin to grasp the concept of me being less than fat. While I’m no longer considered morbidly obese, I’m considered severely obese.

I guess that it’s a down grade, but it still feels negative to be considered that. I know that I have a long way to go before I’ll be considered healthy, but I’m getting there. That’s the mentality that I need to keep: I’m getting there. So, that should be one of my new hash tags- #Imgettingthere . A mantra to follow, and keep me going.

I saw a hash tag on Facebook the other day that I think I’m going to also start using: #itsokaynottobeokay. I think that it speak volumes especially since it still seems taboo to talk about mental health issues. I’m glad that I took up the mantle to be a voice for mental health awareness. It was sad when there was people that I knew had taken their own lives, and that’s part of why I do it. That and I have family members who also suffer from depression and I love them, and want them to have a long and wonderful life.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

The Weekend Get-Away

Before Sarah and I left to go on our anniversary get-away, I did weigh in and discovered that I had lost one -point-six-pounds since my last two-week weigh in. I’m currently sitting at 307.1 pounds. While that doesn’t seem like a huge difference, at least it’s a loss, and if we take my weigh-in at the doctor’s, that would be about a three pound difference… but hey, who’s counting.

While we were spending our weekend in Kernville, I was noticing the housing market, and the businesses for rent. It got me to thinking of things that I could try and get into. Videography is only one of the things I was thinking about possibly trying to get going up there. I love the area, and the water at Lake Isabella is beautiful. That’s what a lot of our discussion was about. There are ideas, that we need to research out before making decisions or any announcements, but it was exciting to get the ideas flowing. I do also know that I think I want to write and film a movie involving the area.

This was an adventurous weekend. I got my ten thousand steps in all three days we were there. Having been up there because of a close friend many times, it was nice to actually explore and try out restaurants and diners that we hadn’t tried before. The whole time we were thinking about how our foodie of a son would like those places. Good food, just a bit too greasy in some aspects, but the breakfast asada tacos where amazing on Sunday.

This last weekend’s get away was exactly what I needed. To be honest, I haven’t been very motivated for anything lately, and this was the perfect reset button that I needed. Sarah needed it as well. It’s beautiful when all you have to do is be in the presence of the person who has your heart. I don’t think I spoke so much, but looked at her. She’s amazing, she puts up with me, and she actually loves me. Who could believe such a thing like that existed?

I think the best part of the weekend was after our first long day, we binged watched the Netflix series Glow. I mean, I loved the first season, but I just couldn’t stop watching season two. I love the eighties feel, and the story behind the scenes for the all-female wrestling promotion. It was very entertaining, and brought up some subjects that are valid by today’s standards. Alison Brie, is just so much fun to watch.

I know that I’m everywhere tonight, but the weekend was great, and now I’m back to being able to focus on the present, and get things moving again. Well, I think that’s about it for now. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

No Pain, No Gain

So, I have a five day weekend that started yesterday, and because it was the fourth of July, I didn’t get my personal training session in. That’s okay, because I made it up today, and suffered for it. Sometimes, I ask myself why I do the things I do, then I remember, because I don’t want to be unhealthy anymore.

Today, Sam started to help me find my inner strength to help push through all the pain, and suffering to get the best workout that I can. I’ve never been one to grunt or yell in the gym…and I’ll leave it at that. However, I’m being shown that it helps bring my inner strength out, and helps me keep going for a few more reps, at least.

Again, I’m reminded that I still have that man trapped in a bigger body mentality. It’s not always easy to over come, especially since I’ve not be able to do things for years do to my mobility. I know that I should be able to do more things, but what my mind and body think is sometimes two totally different things. I find myself trying to convince my body that I can do these things, even when it wants me to hesitate.

Since I’m on a five-day weekend, I decided to put myself through a six-day challenge with my ten-k-step challenge. I’m currently on day three, and I’m not quite half-way there yet. I figured that I would get a bit of rest before going back out to finish it off because I did squats today. I’m usually good with doing the three-sets of twenty, however, we also did more sets  and different variations on the squat.

I got my my steps in yesterday, but I ended up with another oddly shaped sunburn again. The barbell was a bit uncomfortable on the sunburn, yet I pushed through and did alright. I surprised myself with as well as I did. Plus, we got in some deeper sets on top of the normal squats we did.

The more I train, the more I think that I really do want to learn and also become a personal trainer as well. Like I said before, it would add a bit of Creedence to my CK Project, and I really do like helping other people. Whether by motivation, inspiration, or however, it gives me a different purpose in my life. I don’t think I would have ever wanted to do this about ten or so years ago.

I know that when I started the Project about seven years ago, it was more about accountability, than anything else. I was glad that people where being inspired, and it made me feel good to know that I could have such a positive impact, now it’s one of the driving forces behind what I do.

This is the legacy that I want to leave: The fact that I was able to help someone change for the better. There’s been too much in my life that’s been caused by negativity, and I don’t want to be someone who has turned into something that just adds to the negativity. Unfortunately, I’ve seen this all too much on social media. Facebook, Twitter; there’s a bunch of negative posts about religion and politics that happens.

I find that I’ve seen the worst in people on my pages. I choose not to comment because I pick and choose my battles, even though I’m also going to admit now, that I have a tendency to be interested in the unknown variables, just because I’m interested in the way “the system” will respond to it. It can be frustrating that I find myself on the losing end of the vote, as often times what I wanted, doesn’t seem to win.

Anyway, as I’ve observed the political debates, or religious debates go from a mature amicable conversation, to name calling and a two paragraph message on someone’s reason that someone else is “stupid”. I mean come on, we all have our opinions, but why does it have to resort to name calling, just because someone doesn’t agree. Why not just agree to disagree, so that the name calling doesn’t devolve into a match of a typed out boxing match. I feel that it doesn’t put a favorable light on the complete argument. Yes, I’ve fallen into this trap a couple of times, but I’m trying to become a better person, and not reflect that type of negativity.

All I’m saying is, try and be good humans to each other, and with that being said, this is the Director, and that’s a wrap. I do have my seven month check-up on Saturday, and we’re going to be spending the day on adventures.

New Time Same Trainer

So, I ended up changing my training time from 5:30 to 4:00 on Mondays and Wednesdays. I think this time will work better for me in the end. I was also able to assist with Grappling lessons today. Sitting on the mat and watching the matches was fun. It also reminded me that my body isn’t used to that sort of thing as I was having issues getting off of the ground. I guess that’s what happens when you do Dead Lifts and Squats.

Squats were the last exercise I did today. I felt the burn as I rounded out my last exercise, and I ended up taking it a bit slower than I really wanted too. At least my form is getting better. It’s good that we’re hitting about every major part of the body during my half hour workout. I plan on going to the gym on Friday, it’ll be in the morning, but it will also give my son a chance to try and “pump some iron”.

I feel that taking him to the gym with me will give us some bonding time, and I can teach him something. It’ll help keep me going as well. I really do need to step up the number of days that I’m lifting weights. I think it’ll help my sessions with Sam as well. I’m not sure if I have the courage to do squats without a spotter though. I’ll be able to show the difference between using free weights and what using the machines will be like.

Another thing that I started doing was helping Sam out with the grappling class today. One thing, was that Sam(my trainer) was a bit short handed, and two it was fun to help guide children in the right direction with the techniques they were using. I want to say that it was even better to help Little Chris understand the moves a bit better. As a father I’m proud of the steps that the little kids have made there. Lily in particular has seemed to taken off with it, and both kids seem to be making friends.

One of the things that I’ve noticed, is that I’m gaining flexibility. I’ve been trying to stretch my legs a bit over the last several days, and now that my belly is gone, I can cross my legs. I know that it sounds a bit silly, but that is a big goal. I still have a long way to go until I’m satisfied with my movement.

I’ve been in contact with a friend who’s had weight loss surgery, and they’ve been a bit down about gaining some of their weight back. Well, I’m happy to say that I’ve stepped in and offered to help get them back on track. It’s funny to think on how the mind can effect the body, but negative thoughts doesn’t ever help the situation. I think this is going to help me be better at one of the goals I’m trying to achieve with the CK Project.

One another note, another long time friend has also decided to start their own weight loss journey, and I’ve also offered to walk and motivate them as well. I’m thrilled by the fact that I’m allowed to be the person supporting them. It give me a sense of purpose. Again, this helps to push me as a motivational speaker, because it’s one of the many “hats” I want to wear.

The one thing I think that I’m leaving with the lesson of this week is that the accepted help has strengthened my resolve to keep going with what I’m doing. This is the time in my life, where I absolutely love life, and am totally sure that I’m in the best place that I’ve been in my life. I’ve got a great family life. I’ve got goals, and the drive to see them through. I couldn’t ask for much more, except that I actually make the money from the projects that I’ve got going.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Struck By Motivation

So, I decided that I was going to make my 10,000 steps today. My current total is 13,054 steps for the day. Which means I’ve traveled 5.8 miles and burned 772 Calories. Not bad for a Tuesday. The one thing that I noticed today is that I’m feeling a slight pull in the back on my right hamstring. I think that I need to stretch it out, and I hope that helps.

With life going at such a fast pace, I’ve felt that I had a few weeks of lost motivation. I know that it’s a normal response to lose motivation. You can’t always go 100% all the time without a bit of fatigue. I was there creatively as well, but I’m finding that extra motivation to continue to work on that as well. The lack of motivation was just a phase, but it was a habit that I had been comfortable with for a long time.

As I sit here and write this, I think about how I would come home and just play video games, or watch television. I don’t really do those things like I used too. It’s funny to reflect on how I was at this time last year, and to see where I am mentally now. I like to create, that’s something I’ve been a fan of most of my life. Music, stories, poetry, I’ve always had a hand in something creative. Maybe that’s why I’m coming into a place in my life where I’m feeling fulfilled with the things that I work on.

My team should have some stories out that we can look at shooting, and I’m excited to see where this newly formed machine is going to take us. While it’s true that I’ve worked with almost everyone in some form, the relationship of this team is still relatively new. This both excites me, and makes me nervous, because I want this to succeed.

It’s not just that I want the production company to succeed, I want this team to prosper as well. Sometimes I start to fear that ego might get in the way, and that is something I’m trying to avoid. I have enough self-doubt that crosses my mind every so often. Yes, I know that my depression tries to sabotage me, and I have to get reassurance that everything is okay. I guess that’s the emotional side of me. I do try and keep it in check though, and I hate when the creative process seems to be hindered. At least what we’ve done so far, has helped put the team on a better level of understanding.

I know one of the projects that I need to start is to work on an outline for The CK Project. With me down over 110 pounds, I think that we need to start documenting the rest of the transformation, and get some motivational words on video. It’s an idea, that I’ve had, and I did a few small videos before the surgery. The only after surgery videos have come out on Facebook and Snapchat. Part of the goal is to impliment them more as well.

 I’m finding success documenting the weight loss journey through Instagram, and I’ve made several contacts with others on this journey through social media. These people have my full support, and those who I’ve talked too in the real world are getting behind The CK Project. As soon as I get the next prototype for the shirt, if I like it, I’ll be getting them availible to the public, and I know my trainer, Sam Basco, is one of the first customers.

Speaking of Sam, I took my kids too one on his youth grappling classes yesterday, and they seemed to enjoy themselves. I get such a joy watching my children do new things and have fun with social interaction. I find a fasination and pride watching them try their hardest. I think that’s how most parent’s are. I look forward to seeing where my family’s relationship with Flawless Victory MMA  is going to go. The coaches are great, and very supportive in the growth of physical health and the MMA profession.

Sam is also going to help my wife rehab her arm, and get both strength and range of motion back into it. We spent several hours in the emergancy room, just to get meds, and no real examination. I feel that it’s kind of frustrating, when you would expect a medical professional to take the time to examine the problem, but instead say that it’s common, give us a perscription, and send us on our way. That was a huge waste of five hours of our time, but at least she did get something to help.

Professionally, I think that this or next week, I’ll start hearing from the moves that I’m trying to make. I’m really excited about this because, I’m ready to move on and grow into new things(That is why I went to school). I’m trying to keep positive about everything, and while I’ve faultered at times, I do think that the pay off’s going to be big, and I’ve got an eye in three different places for the same kind of job.

Anyway, things are really looking up. I had a rough moment this weekend, but feel better as my point was made. I just need to learn to control the emotions behind it a bit better. So, this is the director, and that’s a wrap.