Push To Not Give Up

Our minds can be our greatest strength, but it can also be our worse enemy. I also know that this has been a subject that I’ve been touching on quite a bit recently. It’s just part of the journey, as I continue on building a better self. At least I haven’t given up on the path yet.

Moving forward, I weighed-in yesterday. Being in a place of self doubt, and not thinking I’ve been doing vary well, I was glad to see that I hadn’t let myself get out of control. The scale came in at 293.9. That’s a five pound loss since my last weigh-in. My BMI is at 42.2, which is great to know that I’ve lost about twenty percent of my body mass.

I’m kind of in an odd spot where I’ve had to get smaller equipment to wear for work, the stuff I’ve been wearing is getting way to big on me, yet one size smaller is still a bit too small for me. I did notice last week that the belt I wear was starting to fit better though. I also realize that now’s the time I actually get myself some new uniforms.

All I can keep telling myself is to just keep pushing forward. It’s always hard to keep that on the forefront of my mind, but it’s worth it. A misstep isn’t the end of the world. I think that’s the biggest fear…to just loose control and end up back at square one. Maybe that’s my check point, and what keeps me going. That fear of being like I was, with no will power, and no self control. I don’t want to feel the way I used to feel. I’m liking my new outlook on life.

Going back to the weigh-in though: I’m down 136 pounds. It feels good, no, it feels great. My next goal to hit is 270, and I know that isn’t so far away of obtaining. I’m now at a weight that I was before I got with my wife Sarah. It feels great, and that was over eighteen years ago. If I hit below 270, that will be a weight I haven’t seen in over twenty years. As I say and think it, a feeling of amazement comes to mind. I can’t even begin to grasp the concept of me being less than fat. While I’m no longer considered morbidly obese, I’m considered severely obese.

I guess that it’s a down grade, but it still feels negative to be considered that. I know that I have a long way to go before I’ll be considered healthy, but I’m getting there. That’s the mentality that I need to keep: I’m getting there. So, that should be one of my new hash tags- #Imgettingthere . A mantra to follow, and keep me going.

I saw a hash tag on Facebook the other day that I think I’m going to also start using: #itsokaynottobeokay. I think that it speak volumes especially since it still seems taboo to talk about mental health issues. I’m glad that I took up the mantle to be a voice for mental health awareness. It was sad when there was people that I knew had taken their own lives, and that’s part of why I do it. That and I have family members who also suffer from depression and I love them, and want them to have a long and wonderful life.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

Third Annual SuperHero Shirt Day

For the last two years, I’ve blogged about the loss of my young friend James Stewart. He was tragically taken from his family and friends at the age of eighteen. The loss of this young man’s life has left a huge void in the many lives he has touched. While I wasn’t close to him, I’m surprised by how much this event impacted my own personal life.

The pain and suffering of a parent’s loss for a child is unfathomable, I can only imagine that it’s a pain that never goes away. Even being told by my friends how their pain hasn’t gotten better, makes me thankful that I haven’t loss my own children, and I hope that I’ll be able to pass on before they do. My love for my friends has never been deeper and I’m the most stanch supporter for these people, and hope that it gets easier to deal with.

Two years has passed, and this was the third get together to honor the memory of James. I noticed the people amassing together has gotten smaller, and people who weren’t directly involved have pushed the subject to the back burners of their minds. Life goes on, right? People have their own lives to live, and most of us are fortunate enough to kiss our children and tuck them in at night. Lucky us….

I’ve had friends and family lose children. Still birth, accidents, etc. How do they continue on when something they’ve dealt with for so long. Can we, the lucky one’s even try to put ourselves in that situation? This is an uncomfortable subject that many would look down and shuffle their feet while it’s being mentioned around them.  So, let’s take a moment of silence, and remember those who’ve gone through hell.

As a man, I look at my children, and see my legacy being continued on. I’m sure there’s a bit of ego in there to see that the lineage will continue on for years, with children coming for many generations. I’m sure that’s the way many people feel… Now, picture that being torn away from you in an instant. Maybe it started with a questionable feeling? Then, at a later time, you get that phone call… your gut already knew what the audible was telling you. Shit, it just got real, and now it’s gone. Life as you knew it just ceased to exist. That’s deep, and as I write this, it just got deeper for me too.

There are many failings that I, as a man, as a father, as a son, have done in my life. Things that I know that I can never express the kind of sorrow that I have for my actions. Things said, things done. I don’t let my past define who I am, unfortunately, we live in a time where every action, every word that has ever been said or done, is being scrutinized. The sins of the past have come to haunt us, even if we’re different people than who we were. I use James Gunn as an example, because Disney let him go as a director for tweets that were made ten plus years ago. Is that where we’ve come from as a society. Offend the few now with things from the past, and it comes to ruin for someone’s career? Life?

I have a glimmer of hope that deep down inside, we are better than that as a society. I’ve always held that hope. That’s why things like racism, and sexism baffle my mind. We’ve should have evolved as a society beyond these thoughts, long ago. I see that we’re slowly getting there, but then there are other parts that end up just as bad. The bullied become the bully. This was try in my youth as well.

After many years of being called names and being treated bad, I had become what I hated. Hell there are memes based on being a hero, but living long enough to be the bad guy. There’s truth in that, and what’s sad is that you don’t always see it coming. You try to rationalize it as doing “just deserts” and you don’t always realize that you’re in the wrong.

I’m a believer in redemption. I’ve over came things to be a better person. Hell the themes in the stories I write generally have some sort of theme, wether major or minor, has to do with redemption. I think people can change for the better, and no matter what experience takes you to that other place. I believe that anyone can be a stronger person for it. Which brings everything back around to the original subject…

The loss of a child can be a rally cry to have things change for the better. A child drowns, that means that there needs to be better safety standards. Toys that are choking hazards, accidents… Something’s gone wrong somewhere and it needs to be answered for. Nobody should have to deal with the loss of their child. Children are the future, and we need to make it better for them.

This is the Director, and let’s try to love ourselves and each other a bit more.

The Long Awaited Update

Twelve days is a long time to update. Part of it was due to technical difficulty, and part of it was due to the fact that I started working a new schedule this last week at work. Adjusting from a morning start time, to an afternoon start time has thrown off my schedule. It’s weird when you do something for a certain time for a number of years, just to try and something new, it’s a major adjustment.

So, I took my girls up north to San Jose for a Paramour concert last weekend. Foster the People headlined with them, and I wasn’t quite able to catch the name of the opening act, but I’m gonna research when I have some time. The whole concert was amazing, and we were in the lawn section, the only bad part was that vapors and joints were getting lit up and blown everywhere. I have a seventeen-year-old who has asthma, so that made the experience for her less than pleasant. At least she enjoyed the show, and as a parent, I get a joy in the heart watching my kids be happy. Even if I spent the total of six hours each way to get there and get home.

The drive really kicked my ass, but it was nice to explore somewhere I’d never been before.

So, for the last ten years of my job, I’ve worked from five in the morning to around three in the afternoon. I’ll be the first to admit that I hate getting up before six, and four o’clock has been the norm for me for so long. I started the swing shift this week. I’m glad that I can get up with out an alarm, but I’m finding my day starting at one, and ending at eleven to be a bit of an adjustment. This is why I haven’t been so active this last week on social media, plus our internet was out(damn technology).

Because of this adjustment, I’ve been trying to spend as much time with the kids before school starts again, because they’re so used to me being home and spending the evenings and nights with them. I love my kids, and they grow up so damn fast. Hell, I can’t believe that school is almost back in session.

Let’s get on too the real reason people tend to follow my blog, for the weight loss journey aspect of it. I had to adjust my training sessions, so now I do Tuesdays and Thursdays at nine-thirty. I actually like working out earlier in the day, I just hate not being able to help with the grappling class.

I did notice that I lost a few more pounds and that I’m about 304.7. I’m hoping to see the numbers under 300 by my next check-up in two weeks. It would be amazing to be a weight that I was or less, than when I was first in my relationship with Sarah. My workouts are getting more intense and I’m lifting heavier as well. I’m getting stronger, and I actually added a third day, by going to the gym today. It was fun, because I got to take Little Chris and teach him some lifting exercises. Not only is it a great bonding experience, but it’s fun to share the passion of lifting with him.

I’m hoping that this upcoming week is the week that I find a new rhythm at work. The pace is way different, but my new crew is awesome, so it makes work enjoyable. I have a few more things getting lined up for projects, one being a documentary, which I can’t quite get into the details quite yet, but it’s going to be powerful once we start working on it. Also, we’re starting to film our first post school project next weekend, and with the business meetings going on this weekend, it feels good to get things going again.

This is the director and that’s a wrap.

Fireworks in The Air

Aww, the sound of colorful gun powder blowing up in the air! A day that seventeen years ago, fundamentally changed me as a man. The fourth of July is a day of celebration, for many it’s a day to recognize the independence our country got. To me, it’s the day that my oldest child gains another year of life on this earth.

Let me take you back into time, before I really needed to go on the weight loss journey, before I turned into the man that people know today. As a matter of fact let me take you back to the year 2000….

At this point in my life, I was separated from my soon to be annulled significant other. Sure, we’re only married for 6 months, but my experiences with her makes her a significant part of my life. I had been in my new job, at the time for just over a month. We’re seeing more money than ever, but her problem was that I was always gone out of town for work.

A good part of my job was the fact that I got to work with my father. This was a great experience, because I really got to know him, and bound with him with the many hours on the road, going from job to job. It took us from this small town to places like Bakersfield, Ca, which wasn’t really a stretch, but it took us to Seattle, Wa and Denver, Co.  See, this is were the ex was having problems, and needless to say we ended up splitting up after all was said and done.

One of the things that I didn’t completely realize at that time was that I ended up becoming broken in this abusive relationship. It was mostly verbal, and on both sides. When it was all said and done, I was a suffering in a way I couldn’t comprehend.

Sure, we tried to have kids, but the mental games that were played just didn’t help when she had told me that she “miscarried”. At this point, I was just numb to everything that she would use to try and hurt me. This incident happened on my first trip to Seattle. I had gotten a cell phone and was using it too call her. When she laid the news on me, but I didn’t feel anything since this was the umpteenth time that something like this was used to hurt me.

Court wasn’t pleasant, but afterward I had found comfort and safety in the arms of my now wife Sarah. She got with me, helped put my pieces back together, and somehow we ended up creating this wonderful child, who is both my pride and joy, and the pain in my ass. I love her though.

The good thing about Autumn is that she is a smart girl, and she doesn’t go out and make poor choices. The bad thing about Autumn is that she’s a smart girl, and has a time or two called me out on my bullshit. This can be frustrating at times, since she’s seen me at my lowest point as well.

No matter where we are in our complicated relationship of father and daughter, I will always be proud of her being my child, and I’m even more so about the woman she’s becoming and the goals that she’s setting for herself. It’s incredible to see her evolution as a person. Finding her place in this world, watching her “fan girl” over anything Disney. The child that matches me in wit and challenges me to look at my own self.

As she reaches into her seventeenth year, and starts the last leg of her high school years, I’ve been trying to think of what advice I would give her(if she reads this). Remember that you’ve got a good head on your shoulders, trust your instincts. Figure out what you truly want to do with your life. Go with your instincts. I spent too much of my life listening to what other’s thought would be best, and it took me too long to go for what my heart desired.

I love you, yes I know you think I have to say that because I’m your dad, but it’s true. I have you and your brother, and you two are the most important people to me. You’ve filled my life and helped to give it purpose. I’m sorry that I haven’t always been the best dad, there’s no instructions on how to be spot on every time. Know that even in my darkest of times, I’ve always wanted the best for you.

So with that, I wish my kid a happy seventeenth birthday, and will be happy to celebrate it with her. This is the director, and thinking of were the hell did the time go? That’s a wrap.

Outside’s Gonna Melt Your Face, But I’m Feeling Fine.

The summer heat is cooking, and with this weather last year everyday felt like the scene from Raiders of the Lost Art,  in where the Nazi’s open the Ark of the Covenant, and their faces melt off. However, I’ve come prepared more for the heat this year then I have been in the past several years. Where being on the job in years past, my back would be a sweaty water fall, it’s now just a trickle. I do still think that the heat sucks, but at least I don’t feel like I’m about to die everyday.

I did my two week weigh–in on Friday, and discovered myself down another three-point-one pounds. I’ve discovered that that’s about what I’ve been averaging for the last few months, is about three to four pounds every two weeks. That’s not bad considering that one to two pounds a week is what would be classified normal. Looking at pants sizes of the biggest at fifty-four, and looking at the waist of a forty-two, is a big difference.

That brings my total down one hundred-twenty-one-point-two pounds. I joke and say that I’ve lost my wife in weight. It’s about true, and I’m good with that. I still get those moments of being nervous of being caught in a stall. Especially since the hundred-plus weather isn’t helping my motivation at all. I also went for a walk on Thursday after work, and discovered that I had burnt the top of my head on the walk.36329976_2091643187757945_3984035268909858816_o

I took the above picture on my phone on that Thursday around six-thirty in the evening. I like how the shadows give a bit of a serious look. As I walk, I think about anything and everything. I realized that this is my meditation, as I’m always in my head when I walk. I guess you could say that this is my time at “church”. A time where I have conversations with God. I know that it gives me the chance to just walk, and not think about the physical activity that I’m doing.

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This is the best I’ve felt in a long time. I took this for my weigh-in update photo for the social media. When I saw the scale read three-hundred-eight-point-seven pounds, it’s truly a great feeling. I haven’t been this light, since my oldest child was born, and that was seventeen years ago. The changes, both physically and mentally are incredible. My body is getting closer to my self-image.

It’s incredible to think that as I get ever closer to my fortieth year in life, that I have finally taken control back of who I am. It feels that I let most of my twenties and thirties kind of keep me down, and dictate my uncontrollable self. A feeling of helplessness and hatred for the decisions that I was making. I was lashing out at myself because I let myself get a certain way. I have that control now. I’m not letting life pass me by. I’m finding that strength and happiness that I deserve as a person.

Speaking of goals, I have a few updates about the other parts of my life. One, we are almost ready to go full ahead and film our short The Reunion, that’s the official title of what was previously known as The Dialogue. I’m excited to be working with the casted individuals, as one of them has worked with me, and for me in other projects before. Plus the new blood joining us really seems to be like a good guy as well. I can’t wait to get started so that we can get this one in the “can” and continue on with the other things we’re planing on doing.

The other news, is related to the Geekultural Experience. I’ve been talking to a writer on Tumblr about checking out his Manga and this will be one of those I’ll do a review on for my geek media. I think this is the start of something that could help boost his, and our brands together and I look forward to seeing what other connections that I’ll be doing through the various platforms of social media.

As a reflection of the what’s going on in my personal life: My oldest child will be seventeen years old this Wednesday, and I’m both proud, and surprised by this fact. She’s grown into a beautiful person, and she’s made me very proud of the accomplishments that she’s set for herself. She also makes me feel incredibly old because she is turning seventeen, but I look forward to spending the day with her and watching the fireworks, because she shares the day with the birth of our country’s independence.

Well, this is the Director with another blog, and that’s a wrap.

“Fat Tuesday”

Everything’s been going well; I’ve lost some weight, and I’ve been feeling better than I have in years, however, I did have a fat day yesterday. No, I didn’t gorge myself on food, and I don’t think I started retaining water, but I just felt like I was fat yesterday. I know that it comes occasionally with the territory, I mean, I’ve not had this much success in losing weight and it takes time to convince my brain to realize that I’m not fat. It’s funny how the mind places tricks like that.

Could it have been from the heat? Maybe it was because I was up early, and I wasn’t completely functioning when I got dressed. All I know is that I had a day of feeling fat. It’s odd that I felt that way yesterday, and yet today I feel pretty damn good about myself. As a matter of fact, I’ll up that ante and say that I feel like my three x shirt was a bit bigger on me than I thought it would be. I’ll take that win.

I’m getting ready to have a wrench thrown into my life by having to change my schedule at work. So, I’m shifting to the swing shift, which would put me at a one pm to eleven pm time frame. The best part is that I won’t have to wake up at four in the morning: at least for the next six months. That is either until we have to change schedules again, or I get that ever hopeful other job.

This puts me in a difficult place as to where my life is right now. I spend most of the afternoon and evening with the kids, and then we do my personal training sessions, and I also assist with the kid’s grappling class. I find that I’ve been enjoying playing “couch” to help develop the youngsters, as they grow as a team and individuals. Yes, the biased part of me, loves to watch my own kids participate, and interact with them as well.

Another issue that this might present, is the fact that I just finally casted The Dialogue and we’ll need to get some meetings so that we can get the script and the chemistry down. I’m really excited by this because I had to do the whole casting process with minimal help. I do like to work with my team on these decisions, but I was okay filling in the role on this project, and doing the final decision calls, wasn’t bad. Everybody who tried out, brought something that got me thinking of other ways to utilize these talents in other projects, and I look forward to working with each of those who didn’t make it in another project.

I also found myself with the opportunity to recruit another member into the crew. This individual, I actually met on a movie set as we were both extras in a low-budget sci-fi movie. We got to know each other a bit over the weekend we spent on set, and geeked out about comics(what a surprise, right?). He had said that he had wanted to have his own indie company, but I beat him to it. I replied with the fact that we’ve been looking to expand for the last few months, and I’ll find somewhere to apply his talents.

I’m not going to lie, I had a week of where I wasn’t exactly motivated to get much done as a creative individual, and that’s okay, because I’m back, baby! I’ve got that motivation back and I’m going to be working on several things. I love the things I do, it brings a since of peace that I need.

Before I end this blog, I want to give a huge, HUGE shout out to my friend Terri Peterson. She does a blog called MY BARIATRIC JOURNEY, and she’s been accepted to have the weight loss surgery. I’ve known her for about nine months, and we’ve shared in each other’s successes. I’m proud of her, and glad that we became friends. If you’re curious, I suggest checking out her blog, as it is very personal and heart felt.

So much is going on, and I can’t wait to see where things take me. This is the Director, and that is a wrap.

A Half Year Out

So today marks my six month anniversary of having the gastric sleeve. I came home not feeling well today, and I wasn’t sure what it was, but I slept it off, so I guess it wasn’t anything too serious. I don’t think that it was the heat, but the pain in my stomach wouldn’t allow me to breath in the vest that I was wearing at work.

It’s a time to reflect on what I’ve learned from the last six months: The first of many is the fact that I’ve learned to love myself again. Self image is something that can affect your psyche, and when you hate the way you look, it brings down your self-esteem. I’ll be the first to admit that presenting myself with an ego and larger than life personality has been the way I’ve over compensated for my own self-esteem.

Secondly, I’ve discovered how humbled I’ve become by the response of my weight loss.  I’m proud of the fact that I’ve lost 114.7 pounds so far, but when people say how they have to do a double take to recognize me, that makes me feel good. I’ve also come to realize that each person’s journey in life is different than one another. I think too many times people, myself included, find themselves comparing their lives to others. For example, better employment, that seems to have been given to someone else. How people can eat anything and stay skinny.

I think that in these moments, is our defining moment. Do we let the bitterness and jealously define who we are as people, or do we learn to appreciate the voyage to get us to where we are in life? I’ve spent so much negative energy idolizing others, and I’ve discovered that I shouldn’t. I’m a survivor, and I’m not sure everyone has it in them to be strong like that.

I’ve also learned that helping others keeps being affirmed with each interaction I have with people. Helping others is a wonderful experience, and success in others gives me a sense of accomplishment. I’m sure that the CK Project is where I’m going to find my biggest purpose in life. Yet, I still plan on making movies, so the drive is to continue to multi-task for as long as possible.

With the recent news of the suicides of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, I’m reminded that depression and loneliness go hand in hand. People have stated, that they don’t understand why someone would take their own lives, since they seemed “normal” before they took their own lives. From my own experience, when in that state of mind, it’s hard to express, and “it’s feeling lonely in a room full of people”. Even when feeling that way, it’s hard to express the need for help. Many times, that demon is hard to battle as it often times seems like it’s a one persona struggle.

The need for help is often there, but hard to figure out where to turn for help. I was fortunate to get that help before it’s was too late. Had I not, I would have taken my life. The result of that help is in the contents of these blogs. I’ve become more driven, and I’m finding success in life. Plus, I’m connecting with people on a level I’ve never attempted before.

Self-investment, was a key role in helping me discover myself, and the potential is infinite. Don’t let other’s define who you are; you can always improve, and it’s never too late.

I’ve also realized that I’m almost fitting in a 2x shirt. That’s a great accomplishment as that seems to be the biggest size in most stores. I’ve been eyeing some shirts that I’d like to eventually fit myself into at some of the more mainstream stores. My style of baggy clothes have started to change. I’m no longer hiding my body in overly sized clothing, and I’m finding nicer things to wear. Sarah says that she likes it, so I think that decision is a keeper.

It’s incredible how far I’ve come on my journey of self-acceptance, and my personal growth is going farther than I expected. I look forward to having you continue to follow this journey of mine. I hope you reach out and network with me, perhaps we’ll find a bond that will benefit the both of us. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Six Month Update

It’s amazing to realize that as of next Monday, I’ll officially be six months out post surgery from the Gastric Sleeve.  So, the status update is that I lost another 2.9 pounds. That puts me at 315.2, with my BMI at 45.2. It’s crazy to think that I’ve lost almost twenty percent body fat so far. Yet, I’m almost to the half way mark on this journey.

I’m still seeing my personal trainer two days a week. I’m a bit frustrated because I feel like I should be making better progress with my strength, yet I try to bust my ass every time I go. The heat and work, don’t really seem to help me there. Maybe, I’m not getting enough nutrition to help out?

So far, I’ve started the month on a good note, by getting those 10,000 steps in everyday, except today. I’m trying to take Sunday’s off as my day of rest. I’ll be up to pushing myself again. My current goal is to hit the 300 pound mark, and hopefully before my appointment on the seventy of July. Crazy that it’s the seven month mark.

Summer is here, and I’m sure we’re going to make a trip to the lake, or perhaps the beach or something this summer. Crazier is the fact that my kids have finished another year of school. Kids grow up so fast, it’s crazy. My son made me smile yesterday as he has me as his lock screen. It’s of me doing crunches, and he said that he’s proud of me. There’s a joy in the fact that children find pride in their parents. It makes things worth it.

Moving on to other business: So we’ve gone into pre-production on our next short. We’ve got the location scouted, and are writing up some descriptions for casting calls. We’re also doing some research on props for the said short, being that one prop is the center for one of the character’s motives. This will be going on soon enough, and I’m excited that we’re moving forward again. Plus, we should be moving forward with the conversion of the studio. I bought the first thing that was needed off of the list, and I should have some extras from converting my son’s room for part of the list.

I’ve been organizing my scripts and going through each of them. I’ll have to re-read some of them as that the transferring from one program to another has shifted things a bit. I’ve got like nine different projects going. It’s weird seeing them all as a list on one page, but it reminds me that the creative process is strong with me.

I’m liking the fact that I have other collaborators to work with. It’s great to have new ideas being brought forth. I can’t wait to get into working on them, but again, I do still have several projects going on at the same time, and I know that not all of those ideas have been put on the computer yet. So there will be more to come soon.

I need to start doing more on my CK Project documentary soon. I know that I’m going to be using the things that I’ve used as updates on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, and I’m going to be utilizing Snapchat a bit more. I just haven’t decided which project I want to use it for, either the motivation or the production company, hell I might do both, but I’m unsure yet.

Here’s some pics from yesterday’s appointment :6 month pics

This woman is my biggest supporter, and I don’t think I’d be nearly where I am if it wasn’t for her. I’m noticing the difference in my looks as well. Especially in the picture on the right. Plus my support and I have been together for eighteen years, this year. Her birthday is on Thursday, and she deserves to be celebrated.

Well, the work week is about upon us, so I leave these parting words for everyone. It can be a rough ride to be successful, but remember that all the hard work and patience will be worth it. I can’t think of a time where I have more ups then downs until this point in my life. Remember, don’t let the harsh words of others define you. I know that I spent a majority of my life feeling that way, and feeling less then. I’ve come to a maturity of self acceptance, and self love. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

P.S. This week, The CK Project on Facebook got more views from people I wasn’t expecting. Thank you for the support, as this journey gets bigger.

Water To Make It Grow

There was an idea. A minuscule thought that I decided I couldn’t just let go. So, I took that thought, and I decided to plant it. I needed a way to make this tiny thought grow. I needed to nurture it. I had to wait to see the buds come out of the soil. I was kind of scared to think about how it would look, if that bud would be worth it, and yet I needed to see if I could turn it into a flower. Then the thoughts of would it be good enough to bare fruit. I just wasn’t sure, if I was the right gardener.

The idea was to better myself, and I spent about a year thinking about it. Hell, I don’t even think that I thought too much on it, but that I wanted to just shut everything off. I didn’t want to deal with what life had given me at that time. I just wanted to feel numb. I wasn’t ready to grow yet.

When I had found out that change needed to happen, that’s when the idea started to form. I wasn’t quite ready for it to grow, but it was starting. When I decided to plant it, I made one of the most grown up decisions of my life: I would go back to school. I was tired of the wasteland that had become my life. I was tired of feeling trapped in a barren land where nothing was seemingly providing me with more than an unknown thirst. I couldn’t find a way to hydrate my soul, and I became desperate to quench that thirst. I just didn’t know how, or what I could do to change that feeling.

All I had known was that I needed something drastic to happen, and that came in the form of three words, “What’s up, bitches?” This would provide me with the time I needed to find the help and the watering trough that I would need to refresh myself. It’s funny to look back on that moment and realize that from a professional standpoint, “what’s up, bitches,” would be my legacy. Little did I realize that my life would take a drastic turn, and push me in ways I hadn’t expected.

As the seed was in the ground, I needed to water it, and school was the start of the fountain that would turn the seed into a bud. As I would go along, that fountain would also help that bud grow into a tree. This tree would bare the sweetest fruit that I had ever had in my life. I would become satisfied with a full belly, and the thirst would disappear.

As that tree started to grow almost four years ago. So would my life, and how funny that I would compare a tree to my life, as often that is the symbol of life. As a seed, my life was in shambles, I was ready to die, and I didn’t have my shit together. As, the process of education and going back to work happened, the tree grew bigger, and my life started to find the proper direction. Life had started to root into a solid foundation.

I wouldn’t have imagine that the fruit would end up being goals that I had never expected to accomplish. The CK Project was a seed that had died out when my life had become that barren wasteland. I had always wanted my own production company, when I was younger I always imagined that I’d be producing music, and movies, along with acting hadn’t ever been apart of that picture. Yet Luckey Bom Films would end up being the first fruit, and after consideration. The health and wellness part would become the second fruit.

Besides the Geekultural Experience the biggest blossom from the tree has been the drive that I never knew I had. This is where the gardening takes place, as I try to bare more fruit for my labors. So, now I’ve had time to see where my potential is taking me. I continue to grow, and the fruit keeps getting bigger and better. Life is turning into Eden for me, and I love it.

One year ago today, I had my first sleep study. It would lead me to this moment where I’m over one hundred pounds lighter, and my life expectancy has gotten longer. I’ve grown as a man, and I couldn’t be any more grateful for the support that I constantly get. The Facebook likes and comments, the Instagram likes, the Twitter comments. It all goes to validate what I’ve been trying to accomplish, and with the inspiration that people have told me that get from me, shows that I’m helping harvesting more gardens, and I hope that people can get what they are in return looking for.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

 

“Don’t Call It a Come Back”

It’s funny to see where I was in the beginnings of my blogging life. So, much has changed since the early blogs.

I’ve been contemplating things that I’ve been planing on doing with life. The first thing that I’ve promised myself is to start working on this page as a part of a regular routine.  I hope that I can keep myself on track as I continue to explore who I am as a person, and improve myself along the way.

    As I review these few sentences that I wrote in 2016. I remember thinking that I would try and write 500 words on every blog. I also remember thinking that 500 words were far harder to come up with than I thought they would be.

As I’ve gone along, my writing has gotten better, and my words are averaging about 670. My views and likes have gone up as well. That makes me feel a bit justified in the writings that I do.

At that time, I thought, “hey, I’ll just right all my thoughts down.” Little did I know that I would finally come up with a plan that focused more on mental health and a weight loss journey. I knew that the mental health was always something that I planned on addressing, and that’s why I keep a certain amount of transparency in my life. It’s a raw and brutal truth at times. I see that some people don’t seem to handle my decisions well, and to each their own really. I’m doing this because I know what it’s like to be someone who didn’t know what to do about a given situation and was too afraid to ask for the help, until it was too late.

I don’t want anyone to ever get into a desperate situation that could have lasting negative effects. That’s why I’ve asked myself to commit to this task. It’s not always easy to speak on what is currently going on in my life. I don’t always feel comfortable being vulnerable, but I find it necessary, not only in my personal growth, but in the aid of others. It’s refreshing when I get pm’s that state how helpful that was for a situation someone was in.

If I’m to speak plainly about some of the comments. The ego’s been fed when the pretty girl I had a crush on in school, mentions how proud she is of what I’m doing. Hopefully she, or they know who they are, and thank you for helping me feel that I’ve not waisted my time on this.

Exploring who I am as a person, has brought me on an incredible journey, as I’ve made more friends, and more solid relationships along the way. I’m fortunate enough to say that I’ve got an amazing group of people, who I get to work with on the personal projects. Part of that discovery is that being transparent about myself has helped give courage to putting myself out there to network, and not be afraid of asking for help.

It’s in these connections that I find the most reward. Then to look back on the first few blogs that I did, and to see where I’m at now compared to where I was, or what I thought I would be doing at that time, it blows my mind. Never would I have thought that I would be as driven to succeed as I am now. The film company was something I always wanted, but to add the CK Project  and the Geekultural Experience wasn’t what I was striving for at the time. Hell, I don’t even think I was in any kind of thoughts about having the Gastric Sleeve done.

Now, I’m over 100 pounds down, and I’m constantly staying busy with my brands to get them up and successful. Anything worth doing is never easy, but I’m determined to make something amazing happen, and I have the right people involved to help me get there, and they get to share in that success with me as well.

Anyway, this is the Director and that’s a wrap.

Chris Keeling Productions

I’ve been contemplating things that I’ve been planing on doing with life. The first thing that I’ve promised myself is to start working on this page as a part of a regular routine.  I hope that I can keep myself on track as I continue to explore who I am as a person, and improve myself along the way.

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