First Blog 2019.

I originally had started a blog about the new year, and how we shouldn’t look at it as a time for a fresh start. The truth is life is about ten percent of what happens to you. The other ninety is how you choose to react to it.

With that being said, I’ve found myself in a very emotional place over the weekend. My mother had a fall off of a ladder while taking down Christmas lights, and fractured her skull. She has multiply contusions and bruised her brain. I found myself looking at her in the bed, and I felt uncomfortable, and I was scared for my mother.

If it would have been my father, I could have handled it. We’ve been in that situation before. He had a heart attack in 1996, so mentally I would have been prepared for that. I was there when my dad was having neck surgery, and so I was even more prepared for that. This I couldn’t have ever imagine.

With everything that I went through with my wife, I think I could have been prepared for her in this situation. We’ve gone through her having a concussion and ending up in the emergency room. Through two pregnancies, and the various health scares, I would have been prepared for her, but not my mom.

Since this incident happened on Friday, January fourth, it’s all been a waiting game. I did get news last night, the eighth, that she did sit up, and that she spoke a little, which was good news. This is still going to be a long process, but any good news, brings me hope that this won’t be as bad as it could have been.

The outpour of love and support has been amazing. I truly feel touched by the texts and messages that I’ve received over the weekend, and continue to get on a daily basis. People, ask about how my mom is, and they ask me on how I’m doing. It makes me think on how valid my relationships are.

Though it’s been a rough start to the year, I’m not going to let this incident define my year, and I will just use it as a brief obstacle in my journey. I did miss a few days in my ten thousand step life. Yet, I’m going to be getting back on track for my forty-day step challenge, I’m just going to have to start over again, but I can do this. I’ve done a twelve days as my highest so far.

On the good news, I did my thirteenth month check-up on Saturday and I’m now down 148.1 pounds. It feels good to be 281.8, with a 40.4 BMI. It’s amazing how far I’ve come since I started this process almost a year-and-a-half ago. I’ve got about eighty-five pounds to go before I hit the ultimate goal, but I figure that my next goal is 265. I’m getting there, it may not be as fast as I was, but I’ll keep it going.

I’m not going to let the bad things define the rest of my life, negativity brings too many people down. I know that mentally, I’m a self-sabotage type of person. I’m also having doubt creep up in my mind when I do the various things in my life. I find myself leaning not to be that way, and I’m constantly  learning not to put myself down.

My personal training sessions have taken a different turn as we’ve started circuit training. This is defiantly a different process as now I’m having to learn to push through with a different kind of workout. I felt like I died a few times during my workouts, but it’s good, and yet it sucks at the same time. I will learn to make this type of workout my bitch though.

I’m hoping that this rough patch passes quickly, but I can’t let it keep me down as life goes on. Well, this is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Ending A Year: 2018

This year ends on positive, and negative notes. This year has been a great year for me. I’ve gone through so many changes both physically and mentally. I’m down 146 pounds, and I’ve had so much positivity that’s come out my way. The support is over whelming, and I’m finishing the year feeling blessed and thankful for the support.

Contradiction is a part of life. You can be happy and mad, nervous and excited. This is part of the complexity of human emotion. I’ve had been supportive to as many people as I could and with that, I’ve also had friends who have gone through loss, or the struggling with family members with poor health, my wife has been included with that.

To those whom are going through these tough times. My heart, love, and positive thoughts are being sent your way. I know that if there was anything more that I could do to help that I would. I’m aware that the support is sometimes enough, but watching the conflict, and the battling of keeping yourself together isn’t always the easy thing in life. Know that as you struggle, I’ve been paying attention, and I’m here to lend a hand in help.

To my wife, I love you, and it’s hard to see you struggle through the pains that have been plaguing you for the last several months. I’m doing my best to try and show you the support to get you through your aches and pains. It’s not always easy as I sometimes get the frustrations taken out towards me. I know that you don’t mean it, and I wish that I could be able to take your pain away. I hope that this part of our journey in life is just a short chapter in our long lives together.

I keep going and staying positive, because that helps me. I know that it’s not always easy in these trying times. It’s a partnership, and sometimes the balance shifts to one side more than the other. Thee was a long time that Sarah had to be the strong one and help get me through the hard times. Now that things are in reverse, all I can do is be the strong one. Sometimes it seems like the impossible, but it’s necessary to be done. “Through sickness and in health”, becomes clearer in those times. The easy thing to do is quit and run away, and there are times where it looks like the better way to go. Yet, I look at everything I put the beautiful woman in my life through, and she’s been to hell and back because of me.

As I look at what she’s going through, I start to see why there are so many people who looses the functions of their body parts, and why they become angry and bitter. Be there, that’s all any of us can do. Show the love and support, sometimes just knowing that there’s a caring person is enough to help get people through the rough times.

The time that we have on this earth is far too short in the end. We need to try and uplift each other, and take care of our fellow life forces. Sometimes things suck, and the best thing to do is make things seem a bit less sucky because we never know when it’ll be the end for us.

To those of you who are struggling, some of you I’m aware of because we’ve talked, other’s I might not know, because there could be shame there. No judgements from me, but if you tell me, I’ll do my best to know that you’ve got someone routing for you. Those who’ve lost loved ones. I’ve known those loved ones and my heart goes out to you because of it. With that, this is the director and that’s a wrap.

Schools Out: Year One

There’s been a lot of things going on with my personal life, that’s kept me distracted and unmotivated from blogging regularly. I got a memory that popped up on Facebook the other day that reminded me that it was my last day, of my last class for school. Shit, that’s crazy to think that I’ve been out of school for a whole year now. It’s like everything I was working for was but a memory, yet I’ve been more satisfied with myself. I did it, and I did it to the best of my ability.

I’m so glad that I was able to go to school for something that I’ve wanted to do for my whole life, and I will continue to pursue it until the end of time. With that, comes plenty of downsides though. The biggest downside to it is self-doubt. It’s something that I think everyone goes through at some point, and right now this is part of my struggle. There are more positives though.

When I get creative, I’m happy, and building a whole world is amazing. Making thoughts tangible is incredible, it’s truly something awe inspiring. The feeling of taking thoughts, and converting them into words, just to see them be acted out by people is exciting. This was something that I truly discovered over a year ago. I’ve learned so much since then about what I feel comfortable doing, in the different positions, and where my creativity has taken me.

Currently, my biggest roadblock is adding special effects in post, while I’m on the right track for getting it done, it’s been a struggle, and I need to buckle down to get it worked out. This is something I would love to add somebody who’s proficient with After Effects to come in and help me get through this. It would be more efficient and I could get it done right.

Now, something I learned about myself creatively is that my origins for starting stories had to come from a place of tragedy, there’s something about coming back from a dark place that appeals to me as a creator. That’s how my first few stories started, that was what got me out of a writer’s block when I first started. Now, I’m in a place where I can find other things that spark my creativity. Watching movies shows me things that I think I want to try something like that. By the way, film school ruined so many movies for me. I watch them and find inconsistencies as a story teller.

Another problem I think I’m discovering is that my thoughts are everywhere, and I can’t seem to keep focus on just one project, instead, I’ve got several projects started and I’ve been working on, now I just need to organize them and focus, at least I’m getting that focus back as I get back to wanting to get things taken care of.

So, my plan is to concentrate on finishing The Reunion and to get Unexpected Side Trip funded so that we can film it and send it off to festivals. This is our start to actually get noticed as a film company. I’ve been trying to network with other film companies, and filmmakers so that we can have a contributing community. I want to learn from others and create something special. Everything that gets creative even if we find it bad or in poor taste, it just isn’t always for us.

This past year has been amazing, not only creatively, but as a person over all. I do feel that I’ve been slacking a bit, but sometimes life deals us curve balls that we just need to learn to deal with. I’m blessed to have the family I have, even in our rough patches, they are the ones I do so much for. There are things that going on that I’m learning to deal with and I look at them as challenges to over come. In the end, I think that my plans are starting to head in the right position and I plan on getting more things going.

Thanks for staying with me through everything. I’m the director, and that’s a wrap.

Living With A Higher Code

There are times when a celebrity makes an impact on thousands, even millions of people world wide. Elvis, Lennon, Cobain; these are some of the artists who contributed to the meaning to so many lives in this world. With out these artists, the world seemed to grow a bit darker.

This week my childhood died. Rest in peace to the man who had the most impact on my life, Stan Lee. I can’t remember a time that his creations weren’t apart of my life.

When I was small, I would watch Spider-man and His Amazing Friends, or one of the other cartoons based off of his co-creations. I remember reading an article about how today’s super heroes are our modern day mythology, I wish I remember where I read it. It was good. It compared our heroes to the God’s of old, and the entertainment of their stories.

As the father and co-creator of so much that is popular in today’s society, Stan’s stories leave a legacy that defines a generation. For me it starts with what some would call his greatest creation: Spider-man. This character reached so many people because he was the different hero. The alias of Spider-man, Peter Parker was an average kid with everyday problems. He wasn’t considered the good looking, popular person that was the arch-type celebrated at the time. He wasn’t a jock and was considered a geek, when geek wasn’t a celebrated choice. He was described in Amazing Fantasy number fifteen, as a “wall flower”. He was bullied, and didn’t get the girl of his dreams.

That’s probably why he ended up being so popular because he spoke to the realities of most people. When his Uncle Ben was murdered, the quote, “With great power comes great responsibility,” has been something that has spoken to my heart and has stayed with me. Spider-man was who I could relate too, much like Black Panther was a character that the African-American community could relate too. Stan’s stories were made for us.

Note that I did start this blog on Monday as I read of Stan Lee’s death.

I felt a loss that was like I lost a grand parent, I lost a teacher. This was like I lost a mentor, who taught me everything I ever needed to know in life. Grandpa Stan, telling me the stories to entertain and educate. I was fortunate to meet him in 2011 at the San Diego Comic Con, it was a moment that meant so much, because I looked up to his works my whole life. I thanked him for doing the work that impacted my life. I doubt that my personal story with his work, is unique. I mean he had a huge stage, and millions of fans. Some famous people are among the fandom, and I’m glad that I get to see people share the stories of how Stan impacted their lives.

I should say that my love of comic books helped me get into the highest reading level classes in school. My imagination is very open to the strange possibilities of what the impossible can do, and I don’t think many things would surprise me if that happened. (Alien invasion, anyone?) This is what carried on with my high work ethic, and part of the reason I like to help people.

My helping and motivating comes from the lessons learned in the stories that I would read, and I still continue to read to this day. Selfishly, that’s the way I feel when I help someone. It gives me a real glimmer into that world that I so love. I was able to save a friend from taking their life, and it was the greatest feeling, I had that impact, much like the hero’s on the page.

Stan got me to actually like reading and being a fan of comics got me into seeing all the comic movies that would come out. That in turn lead me to seeing the movie that would change the direction of my future. Sin City(2005) was that movie that changed my life. Watching how that movie looked just like a comic, caused me to want to become a director, and that’s one of the great things I get to do these days.

Stan has had an impact on my family as we bound over the love of comics and superheroes. I see that my son loves the Hulk,  and I’ve been able to sit down and read the comics to him. My oldest loves Spider-man, which I was surprised about, but I’m glad that our love for Spidey is something we’ll share over the rest of our lives.

If there could be something I would say to Stan Lee, I would say this: Thank you. Thank you for being the voice of reason, the voice of inspiration, and imagination. Thank you for giving people who felt like losers a safe place to escape too. This world is a harsh place, and your legacy will continue to inspire generations. As a fan of mythology, thank you for giving us a newer, updated mythology to follow. I hope one day to be as inspirational as you, and I thank you for making my life just a bit more enjoyable.

Eleven Months, You’ve Been Good

My check- up was yesterday, and it was nice to see another pound gone since Tuesday. I’m glad that things are no longer stagnate with my weight. It really gives me the motivation to keep pushing myself to get better.

One of the things I’ve done is get ten thousand or more steps in everyday for the last six days. I’m shooting for making this day seven, and hopefully day eight tomorrow. There are times that I don’t always get them in but then, I do need to have a break.

More and more confidence comes my way as I get closer to the goals I’ve set for myself. I’m even looking at nicer clothes to wear. Sarah says that she likes seeing this new side of me. The weight goes down and the confidence just pours in. That’s one of the perks that I’ve gotten to enjoy in the last year.

So my weight is currently at 290.3, and the last time I saw this was in the year 2000. It blows my mind that I’m in better condition than I have been most of my adult life. That’s legally an adult now, crazy. With 139.6 down, I’m feeling that getting another 10.4 pounds will be gone be the new year.

The rest of this month is going to keep me fairly busy. At least one day during the weekend, we’ve got something going on, next weekend will be our Society of Creative Anachronism’s local event Frost Dragon. I’m excited because I get to share this hobby with a friend who’s never been, and I hope that she finds a passion in it, as I’ve had, hopefully even more so. I’ve also heard that a couple of other friends who I don’t normally see except at out of town events might be showing up. That’s even more exciting because they are geeky individuals as well.

The weekend after is going to a mini-comic book convention, so that’s going to be fun. Especially since I’ve got a geek media that I’m working on getting off the ground. So much is put into getting things really going so that I can enjoy my passions, and make some money to support the family. It also helps that they show the same kind of passion.

The weekend after is Thanksgiving weekend. I’m going to enjoy a four-day weekend, as the plan for Black Friday is going to the theater to see Creed II(2018). It’s exciting that I get to sit and watch it with my son. When he said he was into boxing, I thought why not share my love of the boxing movies of the Rocky series. He really got into it, and when we were watching those movies, it was giving me the chance to watch Creed(2015).  One of the problems being a movie connoisseur is that I don’t always get the time to watch everything that I have, and it takes quite a bit of time to get through when I can.

We’re in the works for filming the documentary based on my weight loss journey soon. The biggest part is getting something that call B-roll footage, I’ve got to borrow some photos from my parents to add to the film, so it’ll both be amazing and a crazy trip through time as I gather those things together. The biggest thing I hope that this documentary helps inspire more people than this blog, and the various social medias already have. Helping other’s is what I think my purpose in life is. I enjoy it, and it inspires my children to do greater things too.

I have a second blog on Tumblr, follow me there as I get out more content and pictures on my adventures for my weight loss journey, and I also share posts about exercises and other types of content besides what goes on this blog. I’m going to get that blog to show more than just weight loss and mental health. https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ckproject.

Please keep enjoying my writings, and don’t be afraid to reach out if you have any questions, or comments. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

Keeping It Up.

It’s still amazing that I’m feeling so positive with everything going on. Another good week of workouts. Even if it’s three days instead of four.

My second session with Sam for the week got pushed back until five o’ clock on Friday. The workout was good and destroyed my legs. They got to the point where I thought they were going to give out as I was going to do bend over rows. It took me a few minutes before I could convince myself that I could do it.

I ended up being busy on Saturday, but I was still able to get over ten thousand steps in. I struggled due to my legs still being fatigued. There was a few times I thought not legs were going to give out, not to mention strong up on higher ground. I was glad that I could enjoy doing activities with the family that day.

Sunday was the day that I took my son with me to get some gym time in. We started with some cardio, and because my legs were still a bit sore, I wasn’t about that part of the exercise very long. Though we did get down and did weights. We tend to concentrate a bit more on the upper body when we go, and I’m one to focus a bit more on chest and arms when we go. I think that the hardest part about going to the gym and teaching him proper form is that he’s autistic, and has a learning disability. There’s some difficulty communicating how to do things completely the right way. It is getting better though. I just have to take a bit more time to get him to understand my instructions.

After our workout, our tradition, because autistic kids like routine, we go and get ourselves a protein drink afterwards. This is one of those things that I’m happy that we can bond over. We talk about the workout we just did, and how the protein helps to work on the muscles of the body.

It’s good that I’m getting into a routine that pushes my exercise. Being stuck on a plateau, not only has frustrated me, but I’ve been hesitant about getting back on the scale. Yes, there’s always been that fear of failing, but going in the opposite direction would scare me a bit. I will be going in and doing a weigh-in tomorrow, because I have to see where I am.

This whole ordeal comes down to the fact that this is a mental game. In the end I know that I’ve got this, yet I find myself at a difficult point to convince myself that I do know this. It’s funny to think that everyone is their own worst enemy. It’s a bit cliche, but unfortunately true. We tend to get in our own way for success. I just got to convince myself that everything will be okay.

Also, it’s crazy to see that it’s the end of October, and that I’m in the last part of the one year anniversary of my weight loss surgery. Among the many things that have gone on this past year, I still find it amazing that this decision has taken me on a journey that I wouldn’t have expected before I ever considered it. So much of it has been about self discovery. So much has just started making more sense to where I was and why I was where I was in life. It’s amazing with the realization of how linked the mind and body are. It sometimes feels as if I was reborn, and that I’m learning everything new.

Life is crazy, and there’s no real definition for normal. My life happens to deal with all sorts of random craziness, and there is where I find the strength. I think that is probably most people’s lives, with the random craziness, “the cards that life deals”. It’s how we approach those “cards” and handle it. Sometimes, people need some guidance in how to deal with those “cards”.

My “cards” just happen to deal with weight issues, depression, youth anxiety, autism, and a few other things that could end up pushing someone to the limit. I saw a professional to help me deal with the depression, and the surgery was something that helped me deal with the weight issues. It’s just sometimes I need to be reminded that I can get the rest handled in due time. I’ve learned so much from those “cards”, and I continue to learn how to play my hand.

The biggest thing to remember is that I can survive, and I have, and I will continue. Sometimes I just need to refocus and keep going in the right direction. Remember that, even you will get through it, even if it looks bleak at the moment, you can survive as well. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Hitting A Bump In The Road

Today has been a day for many things. The first of such is my eighteenth year with my wife. Eighteen years ago we went out on our first date, and we’ve been together ever since. Today was also my weigh-in day, and I came in at 293.7. I hit a plateau and I felt really discouraged today.

It’s frustrating because I’ve been getting my steps in, as in I’m getting in 10,000 plus steps most days for the last few weeks, and I’ve been trying to get running in. I’m doing pretty good when I run, and I’m trying to get somewhere with work, so I’m trying to pass my physical test so that I can get a promotion at work.

I know that I’ll eventually pass this plateau, but it’s discouraging that after nine months, that I finally hit this mark. Yes, I’m aware that it happens to everyone, just not the greatest news. I might have to just ride this temporary stop on the journey. I’ll just have to keep going and not get discouraged enough to want to stop. Over all, I feel great, and I like when I work out. I’m just not sure if I should do a pouch reset or not yet.

Also, today is my eighteenth anniversary from my first date with my wife Sarah. I guess that means our relationship can vote now. For most of our relationship, we’ve been the youngest couple, but we’ve also seemed like the couple that been married the longest. It’s amazing how people have looked to us for advice in being married.

Every year, when something like this comes up, I never fail to mention that we’ve had our ups and downs. That’s no different than any other couple, and if somebody told you different, I’m sure they’re just trying to sell you something. The single biggest thing I think I’ve learned is that it gets easier the longer we’re together. Communication is key, and I’m going to repeat, and underline that. Communication is key!!!

I’ve observed that some of the couples I’ve known have split, and I’ve also noticed that lack of communication was the biggest part of that. If you want to succeed, please learn to communicate with your partner. The lack of communication was what almost brought  the down fall of my relationship. Once we were being more honest about our feelings, it helped us overcome some of the bigger issues that plagued our relationship.

The last five years have been an incredible journey with so much growth for myself, that I’ve find myself far humbled than I had ever been before. Now I find another challenge in front of me as we are dealing with Sarah having health problems. I find it difficult to have the words to say or reactions needed to comfort her as she’s started to develop depression.

It’s one thing when I’ve been dealing with it my whole life, but it’s another level when you have to start dealing with it as you get older. There’s frustration, confusion, and fear because you don’t get why these things are happening. I suppose that I could say that things will get better, but until things are answered about what is wrong, I can’t say that honestly, because there’s too many unknowns. The only thing I can guarantee is that I’m here to support her no matter what. I think that helps. but I haven’t been feeling very helpful towards her lately.

Trying is the best anybody can do. I can understand why people might turn away during these trying times. It’s a fear of losing those we love, and not wanting to have that level of grief in our lives. Yet, it isn’t far to those who are physically suffering from those ailments, and honestly, it’s a dick move.

This is just another challenge in the life we live and it won’t break us. I won’t allow it to break me, especially since I’ve come so far, and even if things haven’t taken off the way I would like them too, I’m not going to let things bring me down. There are better things coming in the future and I can’t wait to see where this journey and growth takes me.

Happy anniversary to my beautiful wife, as we’ll spend as many days as this life will give us. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

 

 

Push To Not Give Up

Our minds can be our greatest strength, but it can also be our worse enemy. I also know that this has been a subject that I’ve been touching on quite a bit recently. It’s just part of the journey, as I continue on building a better self. At least I haven’t given up on the path yet.

Moving forward, I weighed-in yesterday. Being in a place of self doubt, and not thinking I’ve been doing vary well, I was glad to see that I hadn’t let myself get out of control. The scale came in at 293.9. That’s a five pound loss since my last weigh-in. My BMI is at 42.2, which is great to know that I’ve lost about twenty percent of my body mass.

I’m kind of in an odd spot where I’ve had to get smaller equipment to wear for work, the stuff I’ve been wearing is getting way to big on me, yet one size smaller is still a bit too small for me. I did notice last week that the belt I wear was starting to fit better though. I also realize that now’s the time I actually get myself some new uniforms.

All I can keep telling myself is to just keep pushing forward. It’s always hard to keep that on the forefront of my mind, but it’s worth it. A misstep isn’t the end of the world. I think that’s the biggest fear…to just loose control and end up back at square one. Maybe that’s my check point, and what keeps me going. That fear of being like I was, with no will power, and no self control. I don’t want to feel the way I used to feel. I’m liking my new outlook on life.

Going back to the weigh-in though: I’m down 136 pounds. It feels good, no, it feels great. My next goal to hit is 270, and I know that isn’t so far away of obtaining. I’m now at a weight that I was before I got with my wife Sarah. It feels great, and that was over eighteen years ago. If I hit below 270, that will be a weight I haven’t seen in over twenty years. As I say and think it, a feeling of amazement comes to mind. I can’t even begin to grasp the concept of me being less than fat. While I’m no longer considered morbidly obese, I’m considered severely obese.

I guess that it’s a down grade, but it still feels negative to be considered that. I know that I have a long way to go before I’ll be considered healthy, but I’m getting there. That’s the mentality that I need to keep: I’m getting there. So, that should be one of my new hash tags- #Imgettingthere . A mantra to follow, and keep me going.

I saw a hash tag on Facebook the other day that I think I’m going to also start using: #itsokaynottobeokay. I think that it speak volumes especially since it still seems taboo to talk about mental health issues. I’m glad that I took up the mantle to be a voice for mental health awareness. It was sad when there was people that I knew had taken their own lives, and that’s part of why I do it. That and I have family members who also suffer from depression and I love them, and want them to have a long and wonderful life.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

Third Annual SuperHero Shirt Day

For the last two years, I’ve blogged about the loss of my young friend James Stewart. He was tragically taken from his family and friends at the age of eighteen. The loss of this young man’s life has left a huge void in the many lives he has touched. While I wasn’t close to him, I’m surprised by how much this event impacted my own personal life.

The pain and suffering of a parent’s loss for a child is unfathomable, I can only imagine that it’s a pain that never goes away. Even being told by my friends how their pain hasn’t gotten better, makes me thankful that I haven’t loss my own children, and I hope that I’ll be able to pass on before they do. My love for my friends has never been deeper and I’m the most stanch supporter for these people, and hope that it gets easier to deal with.

Two years has passed, and this was the third get together to honor the memory of James. I noticed the people amassing together has gotten smaller, and people who weren’t directly involved have pushed the subject to the back burners of their minds. Life goes on, right? People have their own lives to live, and most of us are fortunate enough to kiss our children and tuck them in at night. Lucky us….

I’ve had friends and family lose children. Still birth, accidents, etc. How do they continue on when something they’ve dealt with for so long. Can we, the lucky one’s even try to put ourselves in that situation? This is an uncomfortable subject that many would look down and shuffle their feet while it’s being mentioned around them.  So, let’s take a moment of silence, and remember those who’ve gone through hell.

As a man, I look at my children, and see my legacy being continued on. I’m sure there’s a bit of ego in there to see that the lineage will continue on for years, with children coming for many generations. I’m sure that’s the way many people feel… Now, picture that being torn away from you in an instant. Maybe it started with a questionable feeling? Then, at a later time, you get that phone call… your gut already knew what the audible was telling you. Shit, it just got real, and now it’s gone. Life as you knew it just ceased to exist. That’s deep, and as I write this, it just got deeper for me too.

There are many failings that I, as a man, as a father, as a son, have done in my life. Things that I know that I can never express the kind of sorrow that I have for my actions. Things said, things done. I don’t let my past define who I am, unfortunately, we live in a time where every action, every word that has ever been said or done, is being scrutinized. The sins of the past have come to haunt us, even if we’re different people than who we were. I use James Gunn as an example, because Disney let him go as a director for tweets that were made ten plus years ago. Is that where we’ve come from as a society. Offend the few now with things from the past, and it comes to ruin for someone’s career? Life?

I have a glimmer of hope that deep down inside, we are better than that as a society. I’ve always held that hope. That’s why things like racism, and sexism baffle my mind. We’ve should have evolved as a society beyond these thoughts, long ago. I see that we’re slowly getting there, but then there are other parts that end up just as bad. The bullied become the bully. This was try in my youth as well.

After many years of being called names and being treated bad, I had become what I hated. Hell there are memes based on being a hero, but living long enough to be the bad guy. There’s truth in that, and what’s sad is that you don’t always see it coming. You try to rationalize it as doing “just deserts” and you don’t always realize that you’re in the wrong.

I’m a believer in redemption. I’ve over came things to be a better person. Hell the themes in the stories I write generally have some sort of theme, wether major or minor, has to do with redemption. I think people can change for the better, and no matter what experience takes you to that other place. I believe that anyone can be a stronger person for it. Which brings everything back around to the original subject…

The loss of a child can be a rally cry to have things change for the better. A child drowns, that means that there needs to be better safety standards. Toys that are choking hazards, accidents… Something’s gone wrong somewhere and it needs to be answered for. Nobody should have to deal with the loss of their child. Children are the future, and we need to make it better for them.

This is the Director, and let’s try to love ourselves and each other a bit more.

The Long Awaited Update

Twelve days is a long time to update. Part of it was due to technical difficulty, and part of it was due to the fact that I started working a new schedule this last week at work. Adjusting from a morning start time, to an afternoon start time has thrown off my schedule. It’s weird when you do something for a certain time for a number of years, just to try and something new, it’s a major adjustment.

So, I took my girls up north to San Jose for a Paramour concert last weekend. Foster the People headlined with them, and I wasn’t quite able to catch the name of the opening act, but I’m gonna research when I have some time. The whole concert was amazing, and we were in the lawn section, the only bad part was that vapors and joints were getting lit up and blown everywhere. I have a seventeen-year-old who has asthma, so that made the experience for her less than pleasant. At least she enjoyed the show, and as a parent, I get a joy in the heart watching my kids be happy. Even if I spent the total of six hours each way to get there and get home.

The drive really kicked my ass, but it was nice to explore somewhere I’d never been before.

So, for the last ten years of my job, I’ve worked from five in the morning to around three in the afternoon. I’ll be the first to admit that I hate getting up before six, and four o’clock has been the norm for me for so long. I started the swing shift this week. I’m glad that I can get up with out an alarm, but I’m finding my day starting at one, and ending at eleven to be a bit of an adjustment. This is why I haven’t been so active this last week on social media, plus our internet was out(damn technology).

Because of this adjustment, I’ve been trying to spend as much time with the kids before school starts again, because they’re so used to me being home and spending the evenings and nights with them. I love my kids, and they grow up so damn fast. Hell, I can’t believe that school is almost back in session.

Let’s get on too the real reason people tend to follow my blog, for the weight loss journey aspect of it. I had to adjust my training sessions, so now I do Tuesdays and Thursdays at nine-thirty. I actually like working out earlier in the day, I just hate not being able to help with the grappling class.

I did notice that I lost a few more pounds and that I’m about 304.7. I’m hoping to see the numbers under 300 by my next check-up in two weeks. It would be amazing to be a weight that I was or less, than when I was first in my relationship with Sarah. My workouts are getting more intense and I’m lifting heavier as well. I’m getting stronger, and I actually added a third day, by going to the gym today. It was fun, because I got to take Little Chris and teach him some lifting exercises. Not only is it a great bonding experience, but it’s fun to share the passion of lifting with him.

I’m hoping that this upcoming week is the week that I find a new rhythm at work. The pace is way different, but my new crew is awesome, so it makes work enjoyable. I have a few more things getting lined up for projects, one being a documentary, which I can’t quite get into the details quite yet, but it’s going to be powerful once we start working on it. Also, we’re starting to film our first post school project next weekend, and with the business meetings going on this weekend, it feels good to get things going again.

This is the director and that’s a wrap.