Okay, this was the day I have been waiting for, that scale to finally tell me that I hit the triple digits with a loss. So, I feel great, amazing, excited by the fact that I haven’t been close to this weight since 2003. I’ve got a smile that can’t be beat.
One of the most fantastic and odd feelings is the fact that as I do better, I want to push harder to do even better. Think of that statement, and isn’t that an odd thing to think about? Wouldn’t you think slowing down would be a better idea? Why burn yourself out like that? Yet, that’s the shit that motivates me. I’m losing inches, I’m gaining energy, and my drive to get things done is even stronger. This is what excites me, and I want to share this experience with others too.
I remember when I didn’t have a drive to do anything. It was where I would just want to come home after work and sit. I would zone out the rest of the night watching television, or I would play video games. At that time, I would feel better that I could rest my muscles and not hurt as much for my next day at work. This would also be the time that I would take ten steps and start huffing and puffing out of breath.
I can’t really imagine living that way anymore. Sure, I have days that I’m a bit lax on my steps and other movements, but most of the time, I’m on the go. That’s the way I choose to live my life now. I love my video games, but I don’t have the time that I used to for them. I’m sure I’ll spend a day or two here or there playing the new Spider-man or the new Red Dead Redemption 2, but if I’m not working on myself, I’m working on my brands, and that is my life.
I live the hustle, why? Because I want to succeed in life at the profession of choice. These last four years was the journey of self discovery. I finally grabbed the “brass ring” and decided to run with it. I found the career that I wanted. It did take a bit longer for me to decide that I wanted to live, and now that I made that decision, I’m getting the life I wanted. I’m not trapped in a body that I never felt was mine, and now I’m happy.
I’ve found my motivation for my health, both physically and mentally. I found the motivation to go for what I wanted to do in life, and I continue to strive to get to the point that this will be my livelihood. Too many people are scared to pursue what they really want in life, and choose the “safe route”. It works for people, but are they really happy? Is there where they saw themselves in life as a child? When did we stop being the dreamers that we were of our youth?
I believe that our mistakes are the guidance that we need to make to find ourselves. Otherwise we continue to make those same damn mistakes. Sometimes, we have to go through several mistakes before we get there. I can remember at least three times, where shit hit the fan, and I hit rock bottom. That’s where the depression, magnifies the feelings of helplessness. These events define who we are as people.
The first time was February 29, 1992. This was the time that I had gotten into an accident on my bike, because I wasn’t paying attention. I think I had a hard time that day because I had gotten rejected by a girl I liked that day, or something along those lines. I suffered sever head trauma, that caused me to have a slow down in my thought process. I had to fight to get back to normal. As a matter of fact, I came back, better, and stronger.
The second time was when I was married to my ex-wife. This was a marriage of fuckery from the day she said, “I do.” Suffering complex PTSD from this relationship, thought me two things: One was not to be so trusting with people, and two how to forgive. It’s this second one that took me many years after to finally understand, I ran into my ex about seven years after we split, and I forgave her. I didn’t do it for her, but for myself. I think that this moment helped me grow into a more mature adult.
The third event that would change things, was my meltdown at work. The lesson here was that I needed help. I needed the help because I tend to bottle up everything inside until it gets too much to handle and I explode. Getting that help, got me too the point where I am now.
These moments define who I am as a person. I get that not everyone can get on the Chris Keeling band wagon, and that’s fine. I’m glad that going through life, has given me the momentum to become a tool for advice. I’m glad to use the talents to guide others, and I’m far more able to connect with people, in a way that I’ve never been able to before.
This is the Director, and that’s a wrap.