Building A Better Me: 8 Years of Blogging

Here’s the rewrite of this blog from a month or so ago.I got reminded that I had been blogging on WordPress six-years ago. I started blogging using Facebook in 2014 to start sorting out that mess that was in my head. I’ve gone through so many changes since then, with one of them being that I followed my passion and went to film school.

I’ve said before that the idea of blogging was not only to share the experiences I’d gone through, but I also wanted to blog to help me with my writing. It’s really helped with my script writing as well. Surprising enough, I’ve found a support from people that had shared their experiences with common situations. I’d even been thanked for expressing unspoken feelings for some of my readers.

I think the best way to describe the last eight-years is growth. I’ve grown so much with my mental health, and it helped me get better with my physical health as well. I’ve better connected with people, and I’m grateful for the journey that it continues to take me on. For once in my life I feel present and like I belong in the vessel I live in.

The experience of not feeling that I belonged in my body, and not be emotionally connected had been the default setting for most of my adult life. If I wouldn’t have grown through the expression of blogging. I’ve met a community and my interests in life have gone in unexpected directions.

I would say that blogging has been a form of therapy for me. Much like walking is my form of meditation, and both places are where I collect my thoughts together. Yet as similar and with the thoughts, they are far different activities and the thought process is generally different, but only sort of, because my walks have been a place for me to work out some mental health issues. The only difference is that blogging hasn’t ever helped me develop a character.

What is the purpose of blogging though? Is this some vain attempt to draw attention to my issues and get sympathy? I don’t think that was how I ever intended it, and yes, I’ve been questioned. It’s just me laying out the realities that are apart of my life. It also was intended to let those who do suffer know that they don’t suffer alone.

I don’t speak the names of those who have confided in me, because I think that it’s not my place to out someone. Just like I think that people’s belief systems are personal and it’s for them to share. I try hard to steer away from politics because of the ugliness that I’ve seen go on through social media. I will say this though; both sides have valid points, and I believe that we need both sides to bring balance, much like the light and dark side’s of the force.

Outside of that, my social media is for updates, motivation and working on the brands. It’s amazing what kind of community support that can be found when you look for it. It’s refreshing that not all of the internet is toxic. So, I suggest if there’s something that you seek, look for that community. Most are patient and willing to answer questions.

That’s another thing that blogging, and the weight loss journey have done to help build that better version of me, is get me more personal and in touch with people. Some of those connections have been so surprising. Plus, it’s really helped me grow because connection was something I had only been good at faking in my earlier years.

Hitting rock bottom is never fun, and it’s a place that I’ve felt that I’ve hit a few times. I’m sure that there are many who would say that they felt the same way. Guess what? That’s part of that community that you might be looking for. Nothing bonds people more than a commonly shared experience. This could be anywhere from problems to hobbies. The internet does give you access to knowledge, and more than just cat videos.

At some point I think that I might need to evolve this blog into something a bit more niche. Sometimes I feel that I’ve lost all inspiration to blog, which is evident by how few they come out these days. Hell, there are times that it takes me a few weeks to get out a blog(This has been in the works for a couple of months here).

I think part of the problem is the fact that I’ve just not been inspired by much. I’ve been more into my world building for the scripts that I’ve been writing for the last few years, and I need to buckle down and that through some of those a bot more. It just seems that I’ll start getting distracted by other things, and I lose that focus that makes me happy.

With that, I think that I’m gonna call this a wrap, and hope that inspiration will hit me for another blog soon.

Lost Words

As someone who tries to have a positive word, I find myself sometimes stumped on the right words to say. I’ve been struggling with finding the right words to put someone’s mind at rest. I’ve tried tell them that everything’s going to be okay, but I’m not sure that those are the words, they want to hear. I know that we’ve been trying to move forward with getting something together so that we can start filming, and I know that we will. It’s just finding the proper rhythm, and getting the cogs to function together takes time.

Sure, I would expect far more if we were getting paid to produce something. That’s kind of the ugly part about being the guy in charge. However, with this all being voluntary, I’m personally not expecting things to work right away. I appreciate everyone who does donate their time to helping me, and being part of the team. ┬áIt’s supposed to be fun, right? And that’s the feeling that I’m going to continue to have, even if we have a few hiccups along the way.

I get the frustrations that things aren’t moving forward fast enough. Hell, I’ve spent the last year, trying to get head way on a new profession, and I’m just now seeing a real glimmer of hope. Truth is, I too want to have something that we can get into pre-production, and I know we will…even if it takes a bit longer to get there. I’ve got a talented group of people working with me, and it’s just getting the right thing to start moving forward. I know that’s going to happen soon.

This weekend is a four day weekend for me, and I think that I’m going to have one productive weekend, as I work on projects, that I’ve not had all the time to focus on. I know that more script writing will be involved, and I love the process.

For a change of subject; I was realizing today that I’m about a week away from my six month mark for my surgery. God, this has been an interesting ride, to say the least. I already feel like a new man, and I can’t wait to see where this ride is going to take me. Even at my surgery weight of 400.1 pounds, I’ve already lost eighty-two, that’s crazy. This last year was all about me busting my ass off. No regrets, whatsoever.

I can’t wait to have my studio done so that I can produce more of the regular video’s that I did when we were renting the studio. It was so much fun getting those videos in. Even from that time period, things have vastly changed. As I reflect on that time period, I’ve realized that I’m not the same person I was a year ago.

I think there’s a certain maturity in that. My motivation, my drive, it’s all on a different level now. As much as I like my video games, and watching television, I just don’t feel like I have the time anymore. I feel like I have even less time for bullshit, as I’m working on achieving my dreams of being a successful film director.

It’s amazing to see how I’ve grown as a storyteller as well. Believe it or not, blogging has helped me be a better writer, and storyteller. I remember when I thought coming up with 500 words felt like such a struggle to accomplish. When I started, I’d average about 300-400 words, and I would be done telling my story.

I still feel days that blogging is a chore, but the truth is, it has gotten so much easier to write thoughts, and put the details done as I go along. I even called to talk to someone about how they could improve their script writing last night. It was a great moment to share my experience… I sometimes can’t believe it’s my life that I’m living still. I almost feel that it’s an outer body experience at times. Someday reality will hit me that I’m the one doing all this stuff, I’m sure of it.

Any way, this is the director, and that’s a wrap!

Positive Vibes All The Way

As I sit here after my record breaking walk tonight for my recorded steps, I must admit that I’m feeling a bit tired, and with me pushing myself to get steps in at work, this week has been challenging. I feel good about it, and I’m keeping the momentum going.27072514_2009373432651588_3791808181196663298_n

I’m starting to feel so much better physically, and tonight I have this burning fire inside, and it’s hard to contain the energy that I feel. I’m also starting to feel better spiritually, and as I continue to grow in the outer and inner, I’m feeling satisfied with life.

My personal life has gotten so much better over the past year, my love for my wife is strong, my love for the special people in my life has ignited the zeal that I have. I feel like I’m becoming a better father to my children, and a better friend to those I have in my life. If this feeling lasts, I can only imagine that I’ll start to soar with the choices that I’m making.

As I’ve said before, I know my professional life is going to be on point this year, I’ve seemed to make some really good decisions with whom I’ve been in contact with and networking, and it’s even more amazing to figure out where the unlikely connections are coming from. This is finally my time to shine and set an example to my children that life can be what you want it to be.

I don’t know if it’s just the Bruno Mars music that I’m playing, but right now I can’t believe how good I’m feeling inside, and I really just want to take this feeling and share it with everyone. I feel like I wasted so much time not being happy with myself, and life is a treasure. I’ve come a long way from a few years ago when I wanted things to end. When I was feeling hopeless, and lost. Now that’s not the case, and thank God, because I’m happy with life.

Tomorrow, I get to have a day of quiet and I think I’ll take the opportunity get my creative flow going. I imagine that I’ll knock out some decent content for one of my scripts, and get some reading done to help inspire me. I can’t wait to see what I do come up with tomorrow. I’m one of those writer’s that I kind of feel that I let the story tell itself, and I can’t wait to see where my character’s are going to go, and experience.

I’m glad that tomorrow is my technical “Friday” because I’ve got plans for the weekend, and one is going to my two month check up, as well as pushing those 10,000 steps again, and I know that as I push, it’ll get easier to achieve those goals. I wonder where I’ll be in a year from now? How many pounds will I lose? How much will get filmed by then, can I knock out those projects that I’ve been planing on? I’m sure it’s going to be an exciting adventure to get there.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.