Living With A Higher Code

There are times when a celebrity makes an impact on thousands, even millions of people world wide. Elvis, Lennon, Cobain; these are some of the artists who contributed to the meaning to so many lives in this world. With out these artists, the world seemed to grow a bit darker.

This week my childhood died. Rest in peace to the man who had the most impact on my life, Stan Lee. I can’t remember a time that his creations weren’t apart of my life.

When I was small, I would watch Spider-man and His Amazing Friends, or one of the other cartoons based off of his co-creations. I remember reading an article about how today’s super heroes are our modern day mythology, I wish I remember where I read it. It was good. It compared our heroes to the God’s of old, and the entertainment of their stories.

As the father and co-creator of so much that is popular in today’s society, Stan’s stories leave a legacy that defines a generation. For me it starts with what some would call his greatest creation: Spider-man. This character reached so many people because he was the different hero. The alias of Spider-man, Peter Parker was an average kid with everyday problems. He wasn’t considered the good looking, popular person that was the arch-type celebrated at the time. He wasn’t a jock and was considered a geek, when geek wasn’t a celebrated choice. He was described in Amazing Fantasy number fifteen, as a “wall flower”. He was bullied, and didn’t get the girl of his dreams.

That’s probably why he ended up being so popular because he spoke to the realities of most people. When his Uncle Ben was murdered, the quote, “With great power comes great responsibility,” has been something that has spoken to my heart and has stayed with me. Spider-man was who I could relate too, much like Black Panther was a character that the African-American community could relate too. Stan’s stories were made for us.

Note that I did start this blog on Monday as I read of Stan Lee’s death.

I felt a loss that was like I lost a grand parent, I lost a teacher. This was like I lost a mentor, who taught me everything I ever needed to know in life. Grandpa Stan, telling me the stories to entertain and educate. I was fortunate to meet him in 2011 at the San Diego Comic Con, it was a moment that meant so much, because I looked up to his works my whole life. I thanked him for doing the work that impacted my life. I doubt that my personal story with his work, is unique. I mean he had a huge stage, and millions of fans. Some famous people are among the fandom, and I’m glad that I get to see people share the stories of how Stan impacted their lives.

I should say that my love of comic books helped me get into the highest reading level classes in school. My imagination is very open to the strange possibilities of what the impossible can do, and I don’t think many things would surprise me if that happened. (Alien invasion, anyone?) This is what carried on with my high work ethic, and part of the reason I like to help people.

My helping and motivating comes from the lessons learned in the stories that I would read, and I still continue to read to this day. Selfishly, that’s the way I feel when I help someone. It gives me a real glimmer into that world that I so love. I was able to save a friend from taking their life, and it was the greatest feeling, I had that impact, much like the hero’s on the page.

Stan got me to actually like reading and being a fan of comics got me into seeing all the comic movies that would come out. That in turn lead me to seeing the movie that would change the direction of my future. Sin City(2005) was that movie that changed my life. Watching how that movie looked just like a comic, caused me to want to become a director, and that’s one of the great things I get to do these days.

Stan has had an impact on my family as we bound over the love of comics and superheroes. I see that my son loves the Hulk,  and I’ve been able to sit down and read the comics to him. My oldest loves Spider-man, which I was surprised about, but I’m glad that our love for Spidey is something we’ll share over the rest of our lives.

If there could be something I would say to Stan Lee, I would say this: Thank you. Thank you for being the voice of reason, the voice of inspiration, and imagination. Thank you for giving people who felt like losers a safe place to escape too. This world is a harsh place, and your legacy will continue to inspire generations. As a fan of mythology, thank you for giving us a newer, updated mythology to follow. I hope one day to be as inspirational as you, and I thank you for making my life just a bit more enjoyable.

Phase 2: What’s Next?

As I seem to finally be getting all my “ducks in a row”, I can’t help but think of the growth that this month has brought me. First, I’ve really started getting into the free lance thing, and I’m currently building my connections to work with other people in the future. I should be doing more videos soon, and not just for the film side of things, but I also think that it’s about time for the CK Project to start coming out with somethings too.

Which leads me to the second “duck”. I’ve been really pushing the weight loss part of the project since before my surgery, and I stand firm on how I’m moving forward. The walking will continue, even if I’ve slacked for a couple of days. After all I did walk over thirty-one miles over the convention weekend. I’m so close to the one hundred pound mark that I’ll be excited if that’s where I’ll be weighing in at my four month check up.

I have to keep mindful of slacking off, because getting back into old habits isn’t hard to do. Even my studying has tapered off. In my defense, this has been a crazy month, and I’m getting back on track for things(notice the blog coming out today). I have to keep going, because there are other’s looking up to me as a role model. It’s crazy to think that I would be where I am right now in my life. Good thing that I’m doing my best to be a positive beacon.

I was having a conversation with a friend today, and she told me that my motivation and positive energy has affected her, and that she’s been trying to do more for her family. I’m glad that I could help. That’s the turning point for me, when I decided that I wanted to help others and not just myself. That’s just part of the mental change for me.

Speaking of the mental change, I’m having more problems focusing at my current job, because there’s more passion in the other side in my life. I can’t wait to be dealing with that side full-time, and be able to get paid for it. I’m not trying to get rich by any means, but I know that I can do better than I have now, and I can support my family better. At this, I have moments that I feel my patience is wavering. Which another friend says that it seems like it would be common for my situation.

I think that losing the weight has also helped me mentally. Now I’m not so down on myself because I’m feeling trapped in my body. I’m actually feeling different, with the way I stand, my confidence(which on a side note, hasn’t really ever been a problem), and overall, I’m feeling better in health than I have in the last fifteen years.

I love how people are encouraging me, and telling me to keep it up. I kind of think that it’s funny that people would say that too me. This has been a lot of work, even with the surgery, don’t you think that I would want to keep it off. I’ve been fat most of my life, I’m ready for the time I’m not shaped like the Kool-aid man. Believe me, I’ve seen some people kind of stop doing what it takes to keep off the weight, and it isn’t worth it to me, in my book.

Finally, I’m getting my geek media started. The Geekultural Expereince. This was something that I’ve wanted to do for a long time, but I never really had a name for it. The last name we had was Geek on Geek, but I realized that’s kind of over done, and I wanted something more unique, and why not. Geek, Culture, Experience; it just made sense to me. Look for the first pod cast this weekend, and we’ll be dropping it on Saturday, March thirty-first.

This was just a small update, and as always, this is the director and that’s a wrap.

Pre 30k Weekend

Well, so far this week has been shit for steps, I think I broke 8k at one point earlier in the week, but outside of the Vegas trip, I haven’t really done much else. Though this is one of those weekend’s where all the aspects of my life are going to collide together. This will be good for all those aspects too.

We are in Anaheim tonight, getting ready for a weekend at the comic book convention Wonder Con. As a pre-game warm up, we decided to go to Disneyland for a couple of hours, and I got 14,956 steps for the night. Disney is one of those places that the steps take off(remember I did the 22k last time). So, now that I’ve done almost 15k, I think I will hit up the same amount, if not more tomorrow, and Saturday. Sunday should be the at least 10k.

I will be keeping people updated on my tasks for the CK Project,  but this weekend is more about my Geekultural Experience. Twitter @geekulturalxp is part of my multi-faceted brand that is going to shine this weekend. Plus there will be people that I can network with for my filmmaking stuff as well(see the three sides are colliding this weekend).

So, Instagram and Twitter are going to blow up this weekend, which will help launch the Geekultural Experience podcast next weekend. I can’t wait to start that part of the journey, as it fills out my skill list for things that I offer. This weekend, I’ll have my partner Ed Smith with us, and I can’t wait to share this side of the geekiness with him.

The bright side is that I’m not going to be eating much as my gastric sleeve won’t tolerate the foods that will be provided at the convention. With all the walking, things will be interesting for sure. At least being almost one hundred pounds lighter will keep my stamina up.

On the other side of things, this should be the last weekend that I’ll be out of town busy… I miss the weekends at home, I haven’t been creative like I would like to be, but the filmmaking job helps keep me busy, even if it doesn’t pay much of the bills yet.

So, much is going on right now, and since the start of my phase two: evolution, I’m looking forward to seeing where this is going to take me. The next thing that I’m going to worry about is the stress test which I take on Monday for work. I think that I’ll have a better time passing it this time, in compared to the last time I went through all of this. I don’t think that I’ll pass the physical agility test, but I will give it my best. Plus, I should start my personal training next week as well.

I will also be learning skills from my partner and friend Ed. This will help with another project that we’ll be doing, and there will be more details on that a bit later. I find learning is the best thing for me as I continue to grow as a person, both professionally and personally.

Going back to my weight loss journey, I’ve been reaching out to new people that are going through, or want to go through the process of weight loss surgery. I want to help give direction to those who might not know what to expect, or not sure how to handle the feelings that come with this process. I’m glad that I have some insight into what goes on internally.

I’ve been up entirely too long tonight, and we have a big day tomorrow. Lots of booths and panels that we want to check out. Stay tuned to the Geekultural Experience Twitter and Instagram pages as I’m going to be utilizing those as much as possible this weekend. I love sharing the geeky side of my passion with people, and hope that it becomes something people will want to continue to follow.

This is the director and that’s a wrap.

A Creepy Thing Happened To Me Today

So, I think that I’d like to reiterate a few things that I’ve mentioned in posts past. One, when I originally tried to write a script, I was either going to do comedy or horror. I put a few really good funny things in Nash Gray, so I’m confident in being able to write that. I’m not completely sure if I’m ready to write a complete comedy yet, but I’m looking forward to that day.

I’m however excited to announce that I’ve started writing two scripts. The first one is that I got rid of my Life Happens  script, but I’ve restarted it, and hope that I’ll have a more solid piece when I’m done.   I felt that the dialogue wasn’t my best work and now I’m trying to put more emotion and intensity to it. I’ll keep you updated on that progress. The better news is that my new script, which I was intently writing on paper with pencil today is in fact a horror genre script. I’m building a unique cast of characters with a good story(hopefully). I’ll have more as that develops.

Speaking of developing, I’m glad to say that we are almost finished with the Nash Gray production, and I’ve got the start of a rough cut going, which also leads to the fact that my next class is editing, and that means two months are left of school. Not to be out done with my momentum, I did say that I’ve started working on two scripts, which is a breath of fresh air, because now I can take some time developing these projects, even if I still have the Appreciate What You Got reshoots, and that commercial that got put on hold.

I’ll be doing some videos soon for the CK Project, and getting back into working on some Geek on Geek things as well. I promise that I will be back to full swing with everything soon, just life got in the way this months and most of next.

This is the Director, and that’s a wrap.

Too Much Passion? Keep It Up

So, people like to be entertained, and there are many forms to be entertained by. Watching movies, playing music, making costumes….even pretending to be living in medieval times, and being a knight. That’s why we have hobbies, that is why we do the things we do. We like to pass time, with our hobbies, that’s what gives us relief, that’s what brings us back to our centers. We live to pursue our passions, or at least we should.

So, what happens when it doesn’t become fun anymore? Do we try and find a way to rekindle that passion(hey, I was out of the superhero thing for many years, egad!), or do we force ourselves to continue when we are clearly burnt out on that passion? What becomes of that passion when someone clearly wants something, but isn’t willing to work for it? What happens when you find people of the like mind, and their burn out starts to make it less enjoyable to you?

Look, hobbies are just that hobbies. Some people feel an obligation to continue on a hobby because that’s all they know. Look, if you are burnout, just quit, nobody’s going to stop you, and if you’re unhappy or in denial about change, then stop. Don’t bring a cloud down on people who want to enjoy what is there for the hobby, just because you can’t except yourself leaving that hobby. Then you push people back, and politic the shit out of it so that other’s are as miserable as you are. There was a time that you had a passion for these hobbies and now it’s like you have a cross to bare, just stop. All it does is seem to make you an asshole because you can’t except change.

I digress, I got a bit off course for a minute there. I have a passion for life, and I have a passion that covers a vast amount of different things in my life. I’ll admit that I’m finding my limits in some of those areas, but at the same time, I can take a moment and reset my mind, because I am passionate about those things. Quite frankly, I don’t want to lose those passions because it makes me who I am. I’m passionate about comics and superheroes. This world is shitty enough as it is with trolls trying to take other’s down because I think it’s funny or that they want to change the status quo in a negative way. People would rather watch you fall and spit on you, than to help you up and push you to succeed.

I’m passionate about geeky things, and I don’t have to share the specific subject that someone else is passionate about, to get excited to watch the fire when someone talks about how awesome frisbee golf is. I love the passion that people share when they talk about professional wrestling. I was there too, once, and I kind of got out of it, because I found it getting too stale, but God damn, I like watching my boy pretend that he’s John Cena, and his reactions to watching Raw or Smackdown. I like when my girls get all excited about Monster High and the new dolls that come out.

Passion is the only thing that should motivate us in life. If you’re passionate about making money and shopping, than you should be fired to do what it is that helps you get there. I’ve been a slave working jobs to make some money just to survive and support my family. I know what it’s like not to like going to work because there’s no passion there. I’m fortunate enough that I like the people I deal with on a regular basis to keep me going. Yes, this has been a very motivated blog this time, not only to vent my own frustrations with the world, but because this is something that I need to remind myself of as well.

Please, if you ever feel that the passion is gone, and the hobby doesn’t really interest you anymore, just stop. Let the other people continue to enjoy it until they stop having that passion. There’s no need to drag other people down into your misery with you.

This is the director and I’m calling this blog a wrap.

Pump Up The Jam on My Toast!

God, that work flow is going so smoothly today. So, while I was working on homework, I was thinking about working with one of my actors yesterday. So he could start to get a feel for the character that he will be playing, and the kind of motivation that I’m looking for in his performance. I even got Ed to come in a read his part of Nash to see how they sounded together. Sarah was there to read the other parts so I could get the feel of the read. I’m so glad to have a great team to help out for sure.

As my actor Curtis was hanging out for several hours with me, I decided to show him some of my older work…. boy have I come a long way from the beginning. I’m really getting better at being a visual storyteller for sure.

I get to doing my homework and I started thinking about the Appreciate What You’ve Got reshoots, and I decided that I’m going to just reshoot the whole thing and this time get the original vision that I had intended(as I write this, I’m shaking, not sure of excitement, or the fact that I haven’t eaten in several hours). I also know that because of the experience of location scouting this week, I’m going to have to make some revisions for Nash Gray, but I think the story will be better for it as those alterations will be put in. Hell, I’m excited as well as hungry, so I’m going with it.

I’m pumped and my fingers are going constantly without really stopping. I started an account with Indiegogo so that we can start crowdfunding our projects, which in turn help make them better. I’ve reshaped the first script and sent it off, and I’m waiting on my food. My weekend disappeared. We had a yard sale for Relay for Life for our Geeks United Against Cancer, so Friday and Saturday hours were from  6am -11pm both days and I have no regrets, but I wish I had that time to breathe, because Monday is coming up on us way too soon.

Did I tell you that I’m loving what I’m doing? I’m pretty sure I’ve said it at least once or twice somewhere. Anyway, that’s a quick thought on how this weekend’s going as I’m trying to work on more location scouting this week, and we have a casting call coming up next weekend. Hit me up on one of my various pages and ask me where to go, so that I can point you in the right direction.  This is the Director and that’s a wrap!

Superhero Shirt Day: The Birth of Something Bigger

Oh boy, where to even begin? Damn, I can’t believe that it’s been over a year since the world lost a big geek. James, I see or talk to your parents almost daily, and I know that they miss you more than ever. You left a huge hole in the lives that you impacted, and things wouldn’t be the same. It was good to know you kid.

Tomorrow is your birthday, you would have been twenty years old. I think you would be proud of the things that are being done in your name. There’s so much that I personally wish I could have shared with you, and I think the things that Sarah and I have done with your parents, would have gotten you excited to join in with as well.

Your birthday day has become a day to remember the parents who have lost a child, and I’ve had the unfortunate experience to see it happen to a few people I know, but their children are honored with you. Thank you for being a bigger light then anyone could have ever thought you would be.

Superhero Shirt Day brought along the birth of the Geeks of The IWV, and it has really brought people together. I never expected this to become such a big part of my life, hell, I’m producing content with its own channel because of the Geeks. It really fills that passionate side of me. Thank you Kim for letting me run with the Geeks on Geek concept, it’s something that I’ve been wanting to do for a long time, and I think James would have loved this concept too.

The Geeks of The IWV was something I agreed to start because I thought it would help my co-creator coupe, and it’s seemed to have given her that, and given her more. It’s even given me more than I thought I would have dreamed of. I knew that I was heading towards this anyway as an avenue that I wanted to pursue, but its also given me inspiration to create content with the other geeks that I know, and I can’t wait to start producing more content in the name of the Geeks.

So, to my followers on WordPress, Facebook, and Twitter, I ask that you wear something with a superhero as a shirt, or even something geeky, to help support this day. Help honor the parents of the lost children, and fly the geek flags high in the air. Happy twentieth James, we love you, and hope you’re smiling down upon those who honor your memory. This is the director, and with geeky pride, I’m calling this a wrap.

The Flow is in The Work

So this day turned out to be such a great day.  To start out the day, I took it off so that I could handle a bit of family business, which went fairly smooth.  I was glad because it was too hot for working out doors(which is a daily routine for me).  Since I did free up my day, I decided to reach out to my partner Ed, and see if he wanted to do some work together in the studio.  It was a good thing he happened to be in that day.

Today was the first official day of us working together on one of our projects, and it went really well. I showed Ed and Sarah(my wife) how to break down a script into a shot list, and so we broke down a few scenes for our reshoots on Appreciate What You Got, and that was fun to explain how the whole process works when dealing with the pre-production process.  I’m feeling inspired to keep going and we went on to discuss a bit more on the Nash Gray project.  I’ll work on that after I get the notes resent to me.

We also discussed some on the CK Project, and we decided that we’re going to start it out as a podcast, as well as recording it on video at the same time.  This is what this blog here has been about the CK Project, also the reason for the Chris Keeling Productions address on this blog.  It really is all-in-one with what I’m doing.  This weekend is when we will be hashing out a few details before we start our first broadcast, and hope to bring it out weekly. There is so much more to the content that this project is going to have, that I hope that I can find time for ever thing that I plan on doing between the three big projects.

I don’t know how much I can shameless plug the things I’m involved with but, Luckey Bom Films, is where the movies and entertainment aspect of my creative side comes in at. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSpzpFCXIo1NAwJ_9kCxMHA is the link to my channel there.  Things will be popping up soon on this channel.  We are going to be wrapping up the reshoot soon, so that will be the second video on the channel. https://www.youtube.com/user/luckey97, this channel is my personal one, that I’m turning into the CK Project, this is my personal journey, and it it helps somebody with their struggles, then I’m doing what I set out to do in the first place.  It compliments well with this very blog page.

Now, the third big thing that I’m involved with is something that is local to my area, here in California,  and it’s called the Geeks of the IWV.  It was created from a tragic event, where my friends’s lost their son in an accident.  He was a great kid, who was a giant geek in his own right, and he left a void in so many lives.  I agreed as a way of helping them cope with that big hole left in their lives.  Never in my life did I think that this was going to change the way I do things.  I find a different kind of purpose in this group, and it feels good to share a passion in the geek culture.  We are doing things in the community, like a fund raiser called Relay for Life.  I never thought I would ever do anything like this, and yet it feels rewarding that I can help out and that our little group could make the difference.

I promise you that great things will be coming in the near future and I hope you take that chance to subscribe and support these various avenues that I’m taking.  There is so much to life for and I can’t wait for more adventures to start.

This is the director and that’s a wrap.

Wonder Woman(2017)

As my wife puts this movie, ” It was everything I wanted.”  With that being said, Wonder Woman is a damn good movie.  It was surly the best thing DC and Warner Bros has done together in the last ten or so years.  The only thing that bothered me a little was the cliche slow motion fight scenes,  I felt that it was a tad bit over done.  The movie did also feel a bit familiar, like Captain America: The Fist Avenger(2011).  Which isn’t a bad thing, since that movie was great in its own right.

Gal Gadot is great, not to mention that she’s very attractive as well.  Chris Pine plays Steve Trevor and these two fine actors have chemistry.  I feel that is something that helps get the view invested emotionally with what happens with their individual character arcs. Lucy Davis plays Etta, Steve’s secretary, and she is a joy in every scene she’s in.  She almost stole the show.

The setting is WWI, and I think that was a great way to go, since WWII always seems just a bit played out.  The scenes are great, the costumes are stunning, and the Lasso of Truth glows.  Part of the fun is seeing all the Easter Eggs that are in there.  They tie the DCEU all together in a nice pretty package.  I’m trying not to spoil anything here, because this movie is truly a pleasure to experience, just say that DC seems to have Marvel’s problem with under developed villains.

Now that I’ve given a spoiler free review….I hope, I have something that I feel needs to be addressed about the importance of this movie.  For all things about equality, this is a female superhero movie, directed by a female director.  See studios? Women can do it too.  Had this been a disaster, everyone would be bad mouthing DC even more, and probably blame Zack Snyder for ruining the DC brand.  Wonder Woman did exceedingly well, and I think that all the companies either doing, or considering doing movies benefits from this.  I’ve seen and heard people complain about the lack of female heroes in the movies.  Well, Jessica Jones(2016) did very well on Netflix, and Wonder Woman being a success means that the movie watchers are ready for the female superhero movies.  I think that studios should pay attention to this.  We could have a successful Black Widow movie, or a Spider-Gwen.  We could even do with a Black Canary movie.  I think the possibilities are exciting.

The only disappointment I have about what I heard was that males complained about an all-women showing of Wonder Woman.  I mean really?  It seems that most things tend to be geared towards the male population as it is, and somebody doesn’t have enough chill to be cool with something not geared towards the male ego?  I think it was a great publicity stunt, and there is a female section that has grown up with Wonder Woman as the only role model that they’ve had.

Parting words:  If you’ve seen it, I hoped you like it. If you haven’t I recommend seeing it, because it is good.  Have a good night, and until next time.

Forward March

Wow! In seven months I get to call myself a graduate from Film School.  I will have my Bachelors of Science in Digital Filmmaking, and I’m about ready to have an office, since plans kind of fell through with the other place.  Life is good!  All I need now is a few more shots for my B-roll of my documentary, and it’s been suggested that I might consider applying for a Film Festival.  These are the moments that I love.  It seems like a validation of all my hard work, and I couldn’t be more excited on what the future has in store for me.

I have some friends, who are about to deal with the one year anniversary of their son’s tragic death… things have really changed in this past year.  I think I appreciate the people in my life more.  Even if we aren’t close, I seem to wish that they have safe travels and hope that they arrive back safely.  Life is too short to let negative things get in the way, and if there is anything I’ve learned, it’s too treat people better, because you never know how they may change your life.

We started this local Geek group called The Geeks of the IWV last August in response to the celebration of his life.  I thought it was a good way to help my friends mourn, and to help deal with their grief.  I never thought that this whole process would change me as well.  I feel that I’ve become a better person, a better friend, and more positive about life.  I love my kids so much more than I ever thought I did.  I love my wife more because she’s supported me.  My friends have also seen a difference in the way I handle things.  With this group, I’ve been able to network so much better than I ever thought possible.

I think tragedy can become triumph in the end.  The tragedy itself never goes away, and I in no means, say that to cheapen what’s happened, but I think it can lead to self discovery.  When I had my suicidal melt down and work, I needed help, and I was able to find that help through a professional.  The tragedy that hit me at the time was that friends, and family members had suffered suicide in their lives. Around that time, there were five people that I had heard committed the act.  I knew one of the people locally,  he was a hip=hop dance instructor  at the gym I was going too at the time.  When I found out what happened I became morose because I felt like if I had the chance to talk to him, he would have known that he wasn’t alone.  We connected over our fondness of hip-hop and talked about trying to choreograph some dance moves to a Michael Jackson song or two.  His death really impacted me.

Human connection is important.  I try to pay attention to what people wear when I see them at my job, and it often times leads to conversations, and friendships.  I’ve become acquainted with so many people by noticing the lanyard they wear around their necks.  If it’s a sports team, we’ll start talking about sports, and we talk about favorite players, and teams that we like.  The one that gets the most attention is when someone wears either comic book characters or video games.  Those usually spark the best conversations  and I’ve made a good set of friends because of it.  It’s funny what you can learn about someone if you pay attention to what they wear.

I had a conversation with my little brother today, and I think that I finally summed up my goals in life.  I told him that it’s hard work building an empire, and that’s what I feel like I’m doing.  I want to do movies, music, podcasting, and on top of all of that, I want to have the accessibility to show that I’m there to support those who can’t handle mental illness. Sometimes, there doesn’t seem to be any options than to end their lives.  All I can say to that is- I’m here, you’re not alone, I love you.  Don’t let the darkness be the answer, because there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel.  I know that it doesn’t seem like it, or that the light is too far to see, but endure, fight through it…you’ll come out stronger in the end.

These are things that I’m more passionate about now.  I’m getting the tools to help lend a voice to the unanswered, and I plan on using it to help.  My creativity is there to help entertain and maybe even be thought provoking at times.  Life’s hard, and I’m the first to admit that I’ve wanted to quit.  I almost have, more times than I would care to admit.  My depression hit me hard because I felt like I was stuck in a spot that I wasn’t happy in.  I had set plans to leave everything behind because I couldn’t deal with being stuck.  Life was closing in around me.  Now I’m moving forward to a bright future.  I’m not stuck anymore, and the momentum is carrying me along a new path.  Somedays it moves very quickly, than other days, I wonder if I’m still moving, but forward is always ahead of me.

While I’m not going to mention names of my friends who lost their son,  I do want to leave a thought on the eve of the anniversary: I love you and your family.  My heart goes out to you in your time of suffering.  I’ve seen growth from both of you in this past year, and I think you’ll learn to manage with your loss better as time goes.  Your eldest left a giant hole in the lives of everyone who had the fortune of knowing him.  I wish that I could have known him better than the chance that I had.  By the time my family and I had entered into your lives the way we did, he had already became a working man who was busy with school and work.  The time I did share with him was great because we geeked out about the same things.  Just know that there isn’t a day that you two don’t cross my mind, and I’m always going to be here for you.