Let’s Get Caught Up

Wow, it’s been a while since I last blogged. So much has happened. For one I did start a blog last month about it being my two-year-anniversary since my weight loss surgery, and how it changed my life, but life got in the way with other things, and I became less motivated to finish that blog.

With that being said, I figured that I would turn this into a hodgepodge of several things in a blog and cover all my bases.

I had my two-year-anniversary since I had my gastric sleeve done, and so far I’ve teetered between around 167, and 169 pounds being gone. That’s not bad by all means, but being at a plateau like that since May has been a bit discouraging.

In the last few months I’ve started training a bit differently and going from weight training to body weight training. It’s different, and feels more challenging for me. I do still get in the weights from time to time, but I prefer this new type of training because it seems to hit the muscles down deeper.

Part of the changes that have happened is that I have become more aware of my body. I realize the spots that have weakness, and I try to be a bit more mindful when they start to hurt. Stretching is one of those ways that I try to compensate for some of the issues. My left knee is usually the one thing I can’t ever seem to get completely stretched out. I’ve had to find a few different positions to get that right stretch in.

So, this brings me up to the things that I wanted to get caught up on for  the new year. I’ve started a food journal on Tumblr, and I find that it is keeping me a bit more honest than I thought. I defiantly consider more about what it is that I’m eating, and I hope that this is one way that helps get me back on the path of losing weight. This is also something that I’ll be adjusting and evolving as I go along. Right now, I just keep track of what I’m eating, and soon I’ll be adding calorie, carb, protein count into the mix. The bright side of this is that I’ve been constant over the last few days.

On the opposite end of this, is the fact that when I was doing Weight Watchers, I hated keeping track of what I would eat. I started out doing well, but it just kind of fell out of the way. I guess that it helps I’m in a different spot mentally.

Out of all the changes in my body since I’ve been working out, I feel that my shoulders have defiantly shaped up the most nicely, and I can’t weight until my stomach gets a bit flatter. I’ll have to talk to the doctor about the skin removal surgery in ten days, which will also be my forty-first birthday. I’ve been seeing some of the skin removal results from fellow weight loss people, and I’m still a bit nervous about this whole thing.

I think that’s where the vanity comes in. I’ve got surgical scars, but I’m not looking forward to having more, especially some that would literally be right under my nose. I know that for health and comfort, it’s probably the best decision and I can’t wait until I can fit in clothes better. I’m just not excited for the eye sore that will come from the end product. I’m also not looking forward to the recovery process, and I’m gathering how bad it’s going to be.

It’s strange because when I had two-thirds of my stomach removed, the recovery time wasn’t as bad as it could have been. The first month was hard, but it got so much easier as I went along, and the first month was the hardest part, both physically and mentally. the mental part is what surprised me the most.

So, as we continue on with this blog, it’s a new year. I’m not going to say the generic, “New year, new me,” statement because I actually have come to dislike it. I figure if you’re going to change habits, and be a better person, then why wait? Just do it! Start the change now, and keep it going into the new year. The whole concept of the new year is wiping the slate clean, just kind of baffles me anymore. It’s just another day, and things are going to continue the way you choose to handle them. All a new year does is give you a new number to deal with.

However, with that being said, this year is going to prove to be a step in the right direction as it is. With the shameless cross promoting that I do, we are striking the right cords to get Luckey Bom Films going with three projects in the works, and Unexpected Side Trip seems to keep getting pushed back for financial reasons, we’ll be hitting up the crowdfunding soon enough. I’m excited because it’s just one of the scripts that I completed last year. I’ve finished a second draft of Life Happens and I’m excited because I’m getting in front of the camera for that one. It’s a bit bitter sweet because I had been working on the idea for the last four years, and to finally see the story fleshed out feels like an accomplishment. It’s also the longest script I have done so far.

The final script that I’ve been developing is a rehash of the first short that I ever did, Appreciate What You Got. It’s one that I was inspired to create a character off of an amazing young lady the I had gotten to know through interactions at work, and it was the first short I ever developed. The original project showed me a glimpse of what I was starting to get myself into, and fortified my passion as a story teller.

One of the exciting things about all my stories so far, is that with my friend Ed, who played Nash Gray, and has let me use some of his creative properties to help tell stories, i.e. Nash Gray, Unexpected Side Trip; has helped me come up with the idea that I should have my own shared universe. That is something that I’ve been able to do, and is something that as a writer I find exciting when I can start tying things in together.

I’ve also got some other things planned in between projects that I’ll be doing, I just have to wait before I say too much about that.

The CK Project  is also getting some love this year, as the podcast is gaining momentum. Combining that with some magic of having a film production company, we’ve come out with our first multi-cast last month. That’s what took me so long to get anything out content wise, and I’m still developing my visual skills in post production.

As far as the podcast goes, I’ve been connecting and networking with so many people that we’re looking to bring on several guests with in this year. It’s going to be an adventure as we’ll be having people from across the states join us. People that I’ve known for years, people that it seems like I’ve just really gotten to know through the whole weight loss journey. The CK Project  is going to another level as we are looking to make it a non-profit business, to help raise awareness and funds for mental health. The niche that the podcast is finding is weight loss and the affects on mental health. While we talk about a number of things, mental health seems to be the subject that keeps popping up, and it’s seemingly getting people interested in our message.

Yet to finish off where things are going, I do have a third brand, which is gaining the momentum that we wanted. The Geekultural Experience is a passion project of mine and Sarah’s. As we are geeks, and it’s one of the many things that I’ve had that has gotten me connected with people. We’ve got a podcast, which we’re still finding our niche, but it’s also helped Sarah start a few things on her own. She’s started up a local Steampunk group called the Coggle Society, and I think this is something that she’s going to shine in. I totally support that she’s doing this, however I’m not into the steampunk scene like she is. Though watching her work on this and watching her grow as a person because of this has been a wonderful thing to see.

We’ve got a busy year a head of us, as we’ll be doing charities as well as working in the community on a couple of other projects that are in the early stages of development. More details will be coming out as we get further into it.

With that, holy shit! I had more to say then I thought I would. I am the Director and that’s a wrap.

A Change Of Perspective

Going through this weight loss journey has, taken some very unexpected turns. Physically I feel so much better. The way smaller clothes fit, the way I can move. These are the things that have been rewarding me in my everyday life. I keep going, even if there are times I don’t feel like it.

Some days, my motivation is better than other days. Usually getting my 10,000-plus-steps is where my focus usually is. I keep this up as a way to guide myself on the right path. I find that if I rest too long between my exercise and my walking, my movement becomes stiff. Once I get to working on my steps, the walking starts getting easier as I continue.

I find the recovery period has gotten way shorter between my exercise. There would be times that I would workout to fatigue and be sore for days after. Now, it maybe a day or two at the most. Changing up the exercises, and doing the kind of workouts that I do now, are a bit different, because they get into the deeper fibers of my muscle tissue.

As the physical aspect goes, it’s caused me to enjoy exercise even more. It’s not the effort that it once was. The only thing that I find myself dealing with is where I am mentally, because the fat person in me still tells me that I can’t do things. That’s part of where I still struggle.

My perspective on things have changed. I find that I’m confused about how I let people treat me most of my life. In return, I also know that I’ve not always treated people the best either. As a person with a sense of humor, I noticed that I would be mean and nasty with my joking around. I don’t think that I ever really meant any harm by it, but maybe that’s because of the way people used to joke with me?

I know that people have made fun of me, even as an adult. The only difference now is that much of what is said of me, isn’t too my face, and I get that information second hand. It doesn’t bother me because I don’t think people  have really said anything truly cleaver and hurtful enough to bother me. This is coming from the person who’s been made fun of his whole life.

So, how does one deal with a life that is rapidly changing? I’m changing as a person, my family is changing. My oldest daughter is an adult now and is starting to learn about the responsibility of being an adult. My wife is still learning to deal with her Crohn’s Disease.  That dynamic, has put some interesting situations on our relationship. She’s always been the strong, supportive type, and now I find that I have to be the strong one. I’ve always tried to be supportive, however I’m not sure that I’ve been the proper support that I should be.

Now, that puts me in a position to figure out how I can be that proper support. I’m more determined to be the best version of me, but I’m not always sure that means that I’ve been the best version for my family. How do I figure out how I need to be? It’s not always easy to figure out.

I’m always supportive to people who need it. Yet, I find it difficult to be that cheerleader and support that my family needs. I’m not even sure why that is. I do try to be there, but am I really being as receptive as I can be? I find that dealing with people who aren’t as close to me are easier to relate too. It sounds a bit weird, doesn’t it?

Something that I’ve been observing even more is the fact that by my helping other people, I’ve not had to deal with my own issues at times. That’s not saying that I have too many issues that seem to be bothering me, but helping others has always seemed to be the way to divert away from my own issues.

I’m not sure if the way I connect with others has just been better by a more sincere form of talking, or if it’s something else? I do notice that I’ve been getting a bit more irritated by the fact that people seem to try and take advantage of my kindness, even if it wasn’t intentional. I just know that I’m feeling that people should realize that their actions do happen to unintentionally put more responsibility on my job than it should be.

The on-the-spot-high-point of my perspective changing is the fact that I’m more determined to better life for my family and myself. I’ve been pushing forward with my brands, and things are really starting to pick up. We’ve got so much going on for all three brands that I barely have time to keep still. This is a great feeling, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I’m hoping that it will finally be the year that things start to really pay-off. I’ve poured so much energy into everything that I can’t wait to see how the fruits of my labor are going to pay off.

Anyway, this is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Don’t Lose That Focus, It’ll Be Alright

Sometimes we get distracted with the things that happen in life. Sometimes, life throws the bright shiny things in the way that detours us from our goals in life. In hindsight, it can frustrate us. I know that it does me often times. That’s when I personally have to stop and take a moment to reflect on where I planned on going.

Remembering where you’re going and thinking about how you got lost along the way, is probably the thing to do, when trying to reach for that determination. Sometimes the distraction can lead to unexpected and pleasant surprises. It’s all about the growth and journey.

Sometimes, you just have a general idea on where you want to be, and you’re not sure what’s going to happen along the way. This is true for when I started my weight loss journey. I was just planning on losing the weight, and I didn’t really expect much more then being able to move easier and have more energy. The things that have happened along the way have been unexpected.

How does that focus get lost along the way? Well, there are a number of reasons. I’ve noticed that sometimes the work doesn’t seem to pay off right away. That gets discouraging and frustrating, which can result with the feeling of wanting to quit. Sometimes it just seems too hard, and isn’t worth the effort. If that mindset comes into play, that usually means that the commitment wasn’t as important as first thought.

I had to really stop and pay attention to things when I first started. I had seen the numbers on the scale go down, but I didn’t really feel any different. It took me getting back into my uniform for me to realize that I had lost a lot of weight, and it was a rewarding feeling.

Sometimes the loss of focus can be good during the journey. Going the way that I’ve been going for the last two years has taken a lot of hard work. I’ve slipped a few times, and the “shiny objects” have gotten in the way. However, it’s reminded me that I needed to get back on track to continue my success. Sometimes the distraction is great for a rest from the end goal, it causes the mind to refresh and refocus.

Distractions can be good because you don’t want to burn out from doing what it is you’re doing. I know that working overtime causes me to burn out of my job after a while and that’s never good. Taking some time to get distracted can be useful to hep keep you motivated to keep going. Just remember to return that focus to the goals at hand.

I’ve put so much work into my weight loss journey that it consumes a part of my day. Depending if it’s a day I work out as well as my walking, I could end up being busy for close to three hours in a day. My training sessions are about a half-hour a piece, then I’m usually moving for at least two to three hours during my day. It’s crazy to think about as I look back on it. I mean if you would have asked me if this would have been my life two-and-a-half years ago, I would have thought you were crazy.  Now, it’s just something I do.

I think doing the walking has kind of become a bit of an obsession. I use it as a time to meditate, it gives me a focus that is all about my body connecting to the rest of my environment. It gives my body movement which helps me from cramping up after my workout. I just feel like I’ve accomplished so much more because of it. When I go for walks with my children, it gives us time to have deep and meaningful conversations, and I cherish that time I spend with them.

These talks that I have on these walks feels like a time for enlightenment. I’ve had conversations with my son that range from pro wrestling, all the way to making films. I give my youngest advice on how the world works. I even take the time to walk with a cousin, and we talk about his life goals. This is part of why I try to stay focused because I don’t get this level of connection in most of my daily activities. Plus, it’s motivated family members to make sure that I take my walks.

The walks I take while by myself, are times that I can reflect on the days events. There are times that I also think about the stories that I tell, and how I will frame them up, while filming them. Sometimes, it’s just a good way to sort out my feelings. I find that this is probably one of the more important aspects of my walking, especially since I’ve had issues dealing with depression in the past, and it helps when I can sort out the way I’m feeling, and the reason why I feel that way.

What are some of the things that help you focus? Do you find alone time to be more optimal? Do you find being around others distracting when trying to reach your goals? Does being around people help motivate you to get things done? Leave a comment and let me know. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

The People Connection

On my vacation, I’ve realized that I’ve had a bit of a real writing block, however I do want to talk about the people that we connect with on a daily basis. Maybe a spouse, children, just society in general even. I feel a certain connection with people on different levels with the different things that I do.

As it is known, the CK Project is probably the biggest thing that I connect to people with. I mean my weight loss journey is something that people have taken notice of. As a matter of fact, I find people who I don’t even know have been watching the journey. I was able to go to a class that my trainer Sam teaches about Wrestling and Grappling and one of the parents there told me that they had been keeping up with my journey on Facebook and said that I was an inspiration. While it’s not the first time that I’ve heard that being said. It feels as good as the first time I heard it.

I feel humbled that people are watching me. I know that I’ve got friends who are supportive, but to meet random, and complete strangers say that is awe inspiring. I hope that the mental health aspect will help people as well. The subject of mental health is still considered an uncomfortable subject for most people, so maybe those people aren’t as quick to speak up? I’m here and what to know that it’s helping someone in that way.

The physical health aspect of things have also helped me connect with even more people though. I’m in touch with people that I would have never thought I would become friends with. I find that my networking is taking me to connect with people over in the United Kingdom, as that wasn’t something I would have ever expected. It’s cool that I’m meeting people with such diverse cultures and backgrounds. The beautiful part is that we are all there to help support each other.

If you’ve been following along for a while, then the words that film school was the best decision of my life. It’s true, not only did it give me a purpose in life, but it also has helped me connect even more with people. I’ve found friends in the filmmaking community, who’ve become supportive of not only my filmmaking goals, but some have even shown the support in my weight loss journey as well. These people are amazing talents, and I look forward to working with each of them at some point in the future.

I feel that the creative process that I’ve gone through with my filmmaking has bounded myself with the people I work with. It’s defiantly a different kind of connection, as those I’ve been friends with before hand have been pushed within their own creations. My buddy Curtis is a talented musician, and was a hard worker when we were doing Nash Gray(2017). Not only did he play Benny, but he constantly worked with me behind the scenes doing whatever I needed. I’ve also asked for him to write me a song for an upcoming project, Unexpected Side Trip, and I’m not going to lie, it’s really good. He told me that he hates that I can push him to reach uncomfortable spots to bring out some emotions, but I think that’s something that makes us better creators in the end. Going to those emotions that we don’t like.

Being a geek about different things has always giving me a connection to others. I remember that the first instances of this was when it came to professional wrestling. Now, it comes down to comic books and movies. It’s amazing how I connect with complete strangers in that way. I have those kinds of interactions with the people I deal with at work as well. The fellowship at comic book conventions is always wonderful.

Going back to the CK Project though, I’ve noticed that there is a strong support for those dealing with mental health issues as it is. While it is considered “taboo” in society at general, once your story is spoken, it becomes easier to talk about. Others open up about their struggles as well, and that’s where the connection comes in. The mind is powerful, and it can be our greatest asset, but at the same time anxiety and depression can become our greatest foe.

The key to remember is that we’re survivors. Some people want to paint it as those of us who have suffered from suicidal tendencies, just want the attention. In my own experience, it was just that I needed help and I wasn’t sure how to get it. I think the connection to another person is something that is needed by most. That might also be why loners are usually targeted as being strange, maybe?

I love connecting with people. I’ve even connected with different social groups that I wouldn’t have ever expected. I used to have friends in the various groups and not really fit in with a particular group. That’s how I felt at least. I think that the weight loss journey and mental health groups are the place I have found the most value in.

This is the director and that’s a wrap.

 

Smacking The Mat

Wow! It’s interesting that I went in a different direction with my personal training. My friend and personal trainer Sam has told me that I’m ready to go to the next level of my workout. We’ve gone from lifting weights unto mat training, in where I’m doing body weight exercises. This is showing me exactly where I needed to go for my conditioning.

This week challenged me in ways I wasn’t expecting, yet I feel that this is exactly what I needed to help break this plateau that I’ve been stuck on for several months. The downside is that my feet and legs are all scraped up. The strange part is that my toes were hurting last night while at work.

Part of this new fever into my training is that I’m also hitting about 700 calories a night from my walking, and it’s been that way for fifteen-days-straight.  I’m glad that I’ve had the chance to refocus on what’s important in my weight loss journey. I’ve got challenges ahead, but I will overcome those same challenges.

Watching the videos from my workout is kind of a painful experience as I feel that I look silly, but it is a lot of hard work. Plus it’s quite fun with this new challenge. Did I mention that my toes even hurt? Of course I did. It’s amazing how the exercises are now hitting the smaller parts of my muscles, and doing the Bear Crawl, I could tell that my shoulders were already in trouble.

It’s been something that’s caused me to feel tired, and feeling like I could take a nap. That makes it a bit difficult since I work about two-hours after I do my workout. The good side is that it helps me rest at night. I’m excited for this step in my journey, it’s going to put me into another level all together. I think this will help with my confidence, and give me something more in discipline.

The metamorphosis of my changes have effected me in several ways. One way is the way I’ve been feeling about the social environmental around me. I find that I don’t appreciate the negative ways that some people have treated me in the past. I think it’s also has made me realize how I’ve treated people in the past. I’ll be the first to admit that my sense of humor can come off like an asshole.

I know that I’m not perfect, but I have come a long ways from where I started. I had an ego that drove forward all my decisions and for that I am trying to improve. I look forward to this new training regiment to help focus me and help me grow more spiritually as well. I’ve been made aware of the energy that connects us, while part of me wanted to think that it might be silly. I’ve been seeing it work through my workouts with Sam.

I’m looking forward to the changes that will be coming my way in the near future as I want to see where it takes me. I want to feel even stronger and better than I am now. It makes me hungry to be better than I am, which is something that I seem to continue to do as it is. As I get the past memories from Facebook, I realize that I have these changes already in progress, and that I’ve come a long ways.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Two Year Check-Up

So, I’m a little late to the party with my two-year check up. I weighed in at 262.8 lbs. It was a two-point-two pound loss from the last time I weighed in at the doctor. So, how do I get past this plateau? Well the doctor and my personal trainer say the same thing, I need to shock my system. So, how do we do this? Well, one of the ways I can do it, is to change my eating habits up. Maybe go no-carb for a while, maybe do a complete calorie reduction for a bit. Something that I know people do is intermittent fasting.

Another way I can shock my body, which I’ve started doing this week is that I am now trying to get my walks in to where I burn off about 700 calories during the day, just from my walking around. So far I’ve been pretty successful with it. I think the lowest I got was about 600, but I’m not hating on that because in the eight days that I’ve been going for this month, I’ve reached about the 600-700 range. I’m also going to refocus working out more times a week.

If this is successful, I should be able to get past the 260 mark, which is something that I would love to do, and hopefully before the end of the year. I’ve had a decent run this year, just had a few bumps in the road, at least I’m not giving up. Yet, I’ll admit that with circumstances going on in my life, things have had a bit of an over whelming effect on me.

Now, I’m getting ready to hit the next step in this whole weight loss journey that I’ve been on since March of 2017. I’m getting ready to prep for skin removal surgery. I’ve been talking to a friend about it, since she had it done, and I’ve also read about it from the support groups that I’m a part of. It is painful, and that’s kind of what scares me. I’ve heard that it’s some of the most painful recovery time ever. I guess it leave you bloated and uncomfortable for a while. It’s not something to take lightly. While I’m nervous, I’m going to see if I can donate my access skin to burn victims, because then my addiction would have been worth something more than a constant reminder that I hated myself.

So, I know that I’m going to be in a situation where I’m going to need at least six weeks to recover, and my friend Jo, said that she was pretty miserable while recovering. If I remember right, she said the swelling didn’t go down until about four months out. Yay me! I need this because my saggy skin has been bothering me for awhile. Taking this step is pretty big, and while I’ve been nervous, I look forward to fitting in my clothes much better.

I’m also getting ready to embark on another journey of getting my own personal training certification at some point. I think it will just add on to the million things that I already got going on in my life. Busy is good though. I feel that it keeps me feeling like I’m growing on a personal level and it doesn’t give me a whole lot of time to get into the negative mind set. After all, mind, body, and soul are very connected. They’re connected in ways that I’m still coming to the realization.

Do you know what attributes to my success? Do you know where I get my advice and learned counseling? Well, I will tell you that I have people in my life who help water and nurture my growth. I’m going to take this time to recognize some of these people as they don’t always get the recognization that they probably, and do deserve.

First, I want to thank my wife, as I have in several posts previously, I know that her life’s journey has taken some unexpected turns, and it’s not been easy on our relationship, but she continues to support everything I do. As I in turn try my best to support her. I want to thank my friend and personal trainer Sam Basco. He’s not only provided me with the motivation and knowledge of getting in shape, but as a philosopher, and spiritual person, he provides me with an understanding of the world, and things that I’m not always able to recognize in myself.

I also want to thank my children, for they are my world, even if I want to “yeet” them outside sometimes because of puberty and hormones. I love them and they are always my biggest cheerleaders too. I have many friend with whom I confide in, and while I’m not going to give out those secrets on here, if they’re reading and I want them to know that I appreciate that they are the sound boards to my own personal drama.

Everybody who does read this, thank you. It makes me feel that I’m not doing this in vain, and I appreciate that people like to participate in what I’m doing. With that, this is the Director, and that’s a wrap.

Twelve Days of Silence

So, it’s been about twelve days since I wrote a blog. Twelve days since I let my thoughts and feelings give voice unto what life has been like. I’ll be the first to admit that things haven’t been too out of the norm for me, but I should never let that length of time go without giving something to help guide people unto clarity.

That’s not to say that I haven’t bee writing. After all, I did finish the second draft of the project after I Unexpected Side Trip. I have page ten typed up of fifty-nine hand written pages done. Plus I also got into re-writing Appreciate What You Got, which was the first sort I ever filmed. I’m also re-editing that film because I botched up the editing job when it came out. I figured that I could get it a bit better editing, and add a bit for something to present, while I’m working on the other projects.

Outside of that, I’ve gotten sick with a bug a few times in the last couple of weeks, and it kind of has me feeling bummed out by it. This killed my workout, and my ten-thousand steps a day. It’s crazy that I start feeling guilty about getting sick.

I hope things go well because I have my twenty-three month check-up coming up on Saturday. It’s time to get the discussion of skin removal, and I feel that it’s seriously something I want to do. I’ve been feeling itchy around my belly button for the last several weeks, and I’m not sure why.

I feel that I need to work harder to get past this plateau, it seems that my habits are coming back and I still need to become more mindful and nip them in the bud. I know that this is something I’ve mentioned before and I still continue to struggle with, however on the plus side, it’s something that I’m aware of. So, it is something that I will get through.

In my training sessions, I’ve increased the weight in which I lift, and it’s giving me the workout that I need, and taking me to another level. Part of me feels like I’m dying, while the other part is glad that I made it through without dying. I know that going with heavier weights, I have to be more mindful of my form because any slight misstep and I can hurt myself. Sam, is always telling me to unlock that inner rage to push heavier, and I’m slowly getting there, it’s just been hard to do. After all, I used to be angry all the time.

As I watch videos of myself lifting, I was told that it’s good to let out grunts, but honestly I find myself a bit on the obnoxious side when hearing the nosies that come out of my mouth. That was always something that bothered me about gyms. Now, I get why it’s done, but like I said, it’s a bit obnoxious.

I’ve been trying to be more conscious about my carb intake, and fast food, really is bad for you. I never really thought about the calorie and carb intake of a breakfast burrito, but seeing that the combo can run up to over 1,000 calories is depressing. That’s even more true for those who are on a 2,000 calorie-a-day diet. That’s like half of the amount you can have in one day. One freaking meal, that just blows my mind.

So, I’ve been on this journey for almost two-years and I can’t believe that it’s been that amount of time. It gets easier as you go, that’s the plus side of things, but at the same time, it’s not hard into falling into bad habits. Like I said, I see where some of mine have come back and I’m learning to deal with them accordingly. Doesn’t it suck when you feel the doubt, and feel that failure is at hand? I have my bad days, but I try and keep going. Maybe that’s the reason that I’ve been going between those five-pounds?

The secret to success is to keep going. Yes, you’re gonna have good days, and you’re gonna have bad days, but don’t let the bad days define your efforts. As long as you realize that you can keep on the right path the next day, there’s always hope for success. Failure is inevitable, but the only true sense of failure is when you decide to quit. Otherwise, it’s a teacher to help get you to the point of success. I find this encouraging, and I can’t wait to see where it takes me.

If I’ve benefited from anything during my weight loss journey, besides the weight loss, it’s that I’m in better touch with my fellow humans. I’ve always been personable and friendly, but I kept so much to myself and never really connected with too many people. Now days, I’m more receptive of reaching out and touching other people’s souls. It’s beautiful on how much more I care for my fellow traveler.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

 

Two-Days, Down With the Sickness

I had a horrible pain on Wednesday, and I had to come home. I left work, right as it was starting. It started out as what felt like a gas pain, but I hadn’t had a gas pain like that since my surgery. So I came home and rested. I even went so far as to actually take a nap, which is a rarity. The funny part of it is, I don’t remember the last time I actually called off of work for myself.

It seems like I’m calling off because of a sick family member or some emergency pops up that needs to be taken care of. I don’t really get sick like I used too because I’ve lost so much weight, and I exercise regularly. I guess that is one of the many benefits I got from the gastric sleeve.

I started to feel better, later that night, but because of a rough night’s sleep, I woke up feeling much worse. I do feel grateful that I was able to rest up yesterday though. I’ve been around sick people everywhere, family, friends, co-workers. It’s been crazy that it took me so long to actually feel something. I think it was a bit more than gas, and the two-days off gave me some much needed time to recharge my battery.

I spent yesterday watching video’s on Youtube learning about script writing, and Adobe After Effects, because that’s part of what I want to do in life. That and it gave me sometime to start typing up my next draft of Life Happens. It was nice to apply what I was learning in the video and using it on my own projects.

I was trying to use my down time wisely, and I think I did okay for it. I hate being sick because it throws everything else off into a wild abandon, and seeing how many steps I lacked, caused me to be bummed out. It seems that I hate lazy days, I feel like I need to do something at least a little bit.

I did decide to do my workout session today with Sam. While doing my circuit training, we’ve been pushing me to go four rounds without a break in-between, however, I had to take a break today before my fourth round because I was feeling a bit on the weak side. I’m feeling it today. My shoulder is a bit sore, and my hip was hurting as I was doing my last set of V-ups. It felt like it needed to pop, and it hurt bad. I’m sure if I would have popped it, that it would have hurt like a bitch.

I actually had to take a few moments after my workout today to actually rest. I felt like I hadn’t worked out in some time. It’s weird how your body tells you that you haven’t been feeling in pique condition like that. It’s those times that make us feel old, at least I did.

I’m trying to be more mindful about engaging my different muscle groups when working out. I know that the core muscles are always supposed to be used to during most exercises. I even squeezed my gluts during my squat session. I wasn’t feeling that today though. My deadlifts was a bit off as well. The soreness is what surprises me, because it doesn’t happen too often.

The more you workout, the better you feel. Not only that, but your body tolerates and heals at a better speed. These are things that I’ve noticed since I have been working out. I’ve also noticed that when working out, I can feel the blood pumping in my muscles.

A couple of things that I need to do to improve even more is watching my carbs. I’ve been good at being a bit more mindful of them. The other part is that I have to get out of my mind about food, and pay attention to my body. I find that I snack when we’re watching a movie, or I get a bit bored. I keep telling myself that, I’m better than that, but it’s a habit that I’ve slid back into.

How many bad habits do you have that you’re aware of? Have you taken steps to improve upon them? Value experience in life, it’s a great teacher, and if you get into some shit, that’s what show’s what you’re made of, or what you need to do to be made of. These are interesting times my friends, and all we can do is embrace life, and take it by the reins.

Feeling better is going to put me back on the right track to getting getting past the plateau. I’ve been stuck between 260 and 265 for several months, and it’s frustrating, but at the sometime, I’m thankful that whatever bad habits I’ve found hasn’t put me into the ten-twenty pound plus. I’ll take that as a win.

Anyway, that’s a wrap from the Director. Have a good night, and take care of yourselves.

Smaller at the Same Weight

It’s no secret that I’ve been stuck in about the same five pounds for the last few months. It actually feels like an eternity now, but I know that’s not the case. Being stuck between 260-265 isn’t the worst thing that could happen. Yet, it’s a little discouraging at the same time. Now, when I first hit 265 I wasn’t fitting into some of the clothes I wear as good as I do now. What does this mean?

It feels that I’ve been dropping the fat still, but the balance between muscle and fat is going through a different ratio. Is there such a thing as a fat 265, compared to a thin 265? I guess this is where the next part of my weight loss journey is going to take me.  Again, everything is a learning experience, and I’m still learning to be a bit more mindful of my carb intake.

I find it surprising in what some of those things that are high in carbs are. I was looking at a Sobe Green Tea yesterday, and noticed that it had like forty-four grams of carbs. In a green tea, are you kidding me? Or if I’m looking at a low carb meal, the sodium is way up there. I’m like come on for fucks sakes. At least the Tuna I eat is low in carbs, and the sodium doesn’t seem so bad.

Again with life’s lessons: take the good with the bad. You can’t have the perfect anything. It goes to show that picking your poison isn’t so far off from just being cliche.

I think the next step in all this is too actually learn how to keep track of my macros. Keep a calorie/protein/carb count. A food journal would probably be best, yet I hate the idea of having to keep myself accountable for everything I eat. I hated it when it came to Weight Watchers. Shit! I think I just talked myself into it. It would be another way to hold myself accountable, and it might make me a bit more honest about what I actually do eat.

It’s strange to feel that I’ve come to a point that I have to change things up a bit to find a better way to get results. I’ve started to lift heavier, which will help burn the fat, and I’m trying to add the intensity to my workouts. It was getting to a point where I was getting it in, but the weights were becoming a bit too easy to do. One the plus side, lighter weights do tend to help with form. I’m learning that you can always improve on that though.

I need to still set up an appointment with my doctor for my next check up and start talking about the skin removal surgery. I think part of me is hesitating because of the fact that I want to be under 260 before I go, and another part of me isn’t looking forward to the recovery time. With that, I think there’s a bit of vanity that doesn’t look forward to the scaring from the removal. I have enough scars on my body as it is, but I’m being silly.

I continue to keep the course of getting everything done. I’ve put more commitment into this journey than any previous attempts, and I’m not looking back. I do falter at times, but I’ve come to the point that I just pick it up again the next day. Something I would sabotage myself in the past.

Something else that used to keep me down was the lack of will power, while I saw food, I would eat food. Now isn’t something that I have too many problems with these days. I can say no to cakes and sweets. Something that I wouldn’t turn down in the past. As I reflect, my journey has come a long ways, and I continue to grow on a personal level.

I’ve been happy to see that my friends have been inspired by what I’ve been doing and in turn taking their lives back and improving themselves. It’s not all about just having the weight loss journey for their stories, by over coming anxiety, pushing themselves out of the comfort zone to try something new, and to expand their horizons.

I know that in the end, this is all just another mental game that I need to overcome. Part of my problem is my brain still tells me when “I’m hungry” and that isn’t always the truth. Boredom still seems to dictate me eating at times. While it isn’t always there, it does creep in there from time to time. Again, mental game, and I need to keep the focus.

As I slip, I’m not always upset because I know that there is always the next time for me to continue to complete my goals, that a slip up isn’t the end of the road like so many people would think it to be. I know that there are so many who would feel like giving up with the stalls that I’ve seen. I’m fortunate enough to know that I will continue to improve myself and that the path isn’t always a downward slope.

Following the boards that I do on Facebook, and Twitter, I read how people will stall after several months and just want to give up. I know how frustrating it is, and the stalls that I have gotten into seem to last forever, but in reality are just for such a short time. I just have to keep telling myself that I’ve got this.

If you like my stuff, please leave a like and a follow, it helps to know that people do appreciate what I’ve got to say. This is the director and that’s a wrap.

Brain Matter on my Mind

Whether it’s the weight loss journey or mental health awareness, I find that the brain can trick the body into feeling something that’s not always there. I find that my brain wants to tell me that it’s time to eat, and that if I don’t actually take a moment to really analyze the situation, I might not really be hungry.

I find that if I get left alone in my thoughts for too long, I can start to over think, and self-doubt comes into play. This is one of my bigger weaknesses, as depression has always been there. It’s not nearly as bad as it used to be, however, I can still sense it at the outer edges lingering and giving me a moment to pause.

I suppose that’s why I try to stay constantly busy. This way I don’t have to give my mind to start lingering on stupid insecurities, and anxiety. I find that multi-tasking comes easy when I can listen to a conversation, and still type. This actually drives my family crazy as I can look at them and work on a blog at the same time.

The endorphins from exercising is an anti-depressant, and I know that if I take too long between my workouts, that I start getting depressed too. If more people knew, and I mean really knew about this little life hack, I’m sure everyone who suffers from depression would be in shape(joking).

It’s strange to realize how much the body and mind end up reflecting each other. I know at my biggest, my mind was in a terrible state, and I hated myself. Having the Gastric Sleeve sent me down a path that I never expected. I connect with people better, and it wasn’t like I was ever someone who would treat people negatively in the first place, but I seem to relate better to others, and myself.

It’s also helped me to realize my ambition, while most people spend their lives developing a brand that represents them, I’ve gone so far as working on three. The CK Project is probably where my legacy will be. As I’ve been making some great progress with it over the last year or so. It’s not surprising as this is my oldest and longest running of the brands. It all started as a way to hold myself accountable to others when I originally started my weight loss journey with Weight Watchers, eight-years ago.

It’s amazing that The CK Project went from weight loss, to mental health, and back to being both. It’s come full circle and I love it. We’re making plans on turning it into something bigger and better. Hell, we’re looking to make this go more professional, and can’t wait to let out the details. Speaking of growth, the experiences that I’ve had in the name of the project, has given me growth both personally and professionally. Things that I can carry unto other jobs that I may take in the future.

Another mind opening realization is that experience is the best teacher. I find that talking about my issues, has allowed me to regain control of my life. The more I talk about struggling with my mental health, the less power it has over my decisions in life. I find that I need to do better about pushing myself  when exercising. My mind still wants to tell me that I’m 430 pounds. I know I have issues with lunges and falling backwards.

I’m finding that inner strength that I have. I kept things quiet for so long, and it’s like I’m finally finding that voice to start the process to going Super Sayian. I have a ways to go, but it does help me push for those extra reps. Also, I’m afraid to push myself so hard that I want to puke when I work out. So, does that mean I’m not pushing myself hard enough?

I guess having a negative mindset for so long, really has done me some harm, and I hope that it’s not irreparable. The mind is fascinating, and is the most powerful tool in any person’s tool belt for improvement. At the sometime, if you don’t treat it well, or if you don’t get help to tune it up, it can do damage that might never be repairable. Keep that in mind when venturing on this journey of life.

Self-care is more important than most people want give the focus too. This is coming from my professional view point. Often time, mental health is considered taboo, and no-one is comfortable about sharing their feelings. Toxic masculinity has kept the man’s man, cold and hard of feelings. Yet, things are improving, people are becoming more woke to the issues at hand. I believe that it’s over all for the better, yet I think we’ve lost some things in a world of political correctness.

With political correctness, I feel that people have forgotten how to laugh. We’re no longer given the permission to laugh because of a joke, and people seem to get more offended now than ever. Maybe, it’s more that it’s not as easy to keep quiet these days? Where is the proper balance in-between the truth and satire? Can we laugh at the wrong things, and not be judged. Maybe that’s why Cards Against Humanity is such a popular game? I know where my humor is, and it’s got some dark places at times.

Anyway, keep a clear, focused mind, because it’s the one asset we have to help us get through life. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.