That New Feeling

I’ve gotten away from continually playing video games. Part of me feels like it’s a betrayal to the person known as Chris Keeling. Playing video games was my escape from the world, and I let the world pass me by for so long. Sure they have good stories and are a way to kill time, as I still play from time to time, but not like I used too.

My life has become a series of how I can improve myself. With the weight loss journey taking the forefront for the last few months, it’s felt good to push my body to a different and more active level. It feels better to move than it does to just stand, or sometimes sit down. Once I can get cleared to become more active, I’m sure I’m going to find more and various ways to torcher myself into a stronger body, with the help of a friend, who’s also a personal trainer. I will get cut, and look better than ever.

Something that I have been struggling with is my film career. I love having my own personal company that I’m trying to get going, it’s teaching me things about how to deal with a new business. Part of the struggle is in the fact that we’ve had to take some time and step back because we currently don’t have a studio, we have the site that we’re going to turn into the studio, but with my partner being very ill recently, and complications with one of his business ventures(yeah, that’s how we roll), things have gotten behind by quite a bit. I want to produce more content, and in a bad way, but I know that patience is what is needed. I’m not even sure if I’m trying to take on too much too soon, while looking for another means of employment to better help fund this creative venture that I’m under taking.

I’ve said this is my year, and I truly do believe that, so much has gone right so far. Even when things have gone to shit, I’ve still managed not to let it get in the way of the momentum that I have going already. Circumstances haven’t always been ideal for me in the last several months, but I’ve been able to overcome all the bumps in the road so far. If anything besides getting done with school, I’ve learned how to handle stress a bit better. I don’t freak out every time something doesn’t seem to go completely right.

I think the next thing that I really need to master is the art of organization. I wasn’t very good at it when I did real estate, I’d like to say that I’ve gotten better, but I know that I have to improve on it still. My desk is a somewhat disorganized mess, with notebooks with ideas everywhere. I think I remember reading somewhere that was a sign of intelligence. I can only hope that’s true.

I think I’m just learning how not to waste life, and appreciating things so much more. I do still like to spend time playing a game with my kids, because that’s one way we bound, but I find going out on walks with them in a one-on-one situation is something that helps bring us closer. I enjoyed the walk with my son the other day. Instead of talking about wrestling, we talked about the growth happening in our town, and future plans. We talked about how we were both going to do what we needed to get our goals achieved. He wants to cook. He loves to bake and barbecue. We’ve watched enough competition shows to have fallen in love with the idea of being creative while grilling the food.

Another thing that’s become kind of an adventure is finding alternative ingredients to replace the white sugar, flour, rice, and bread. we find Agave is an amazing replacement for sugar, and that coconut flour is a wonderful ingredient as well. It’s even better when it’s done to help “dad” live healthier. My kids rock like that, but then again so does my wife. She does more than she’ll ever realize. I love them all.

This is the director and that’s another wrap for the night.

‘Workin’ For The Weekend’

Wow, I’ve been doing extra walking while at work and did over 7,000 steps yesterday. I’m proud of myself, at the same time, I ended up kicking my own ass yesterday. So today, I’m taking it a bit easier. Overall, I’m feeling very good about myself.

As the two month check up lingers on for this weekend, I’m planing on trying to attempt three days of 10,000 steps, that’s if work doesn’t kick my ass first. I’m going to be making some great strides this year as I continue to lose weight. I’m still trying to be mindful on how I eat, and so far I’m doing pretty well. Though I do feel that I did get carried away for my son’s birthday party, but I’m back on track.

Speaking of eating, I’m not much of a fish person(aside from sushi, yeah, weird, right?), but last night Sarah had made some lemon pepper Tilapia fish. I actually kind of dug it. The most I’m generally a fan of is Tuna, which is the staple lunch meat for my lunches now. I take hot tea to work, so the coffee I used to get just isn’t needed anymore. I’ve been okay about that, though I remember when I was fueled by coffee. Smaller lunches, and it sometimes feels like it could end up being too much for me.

It’s a blessing to have the support that I’ve gotten through friends, and family. Sarah’s my biggest supporter(has been for the last seventeen years), and the biggest reason for my success. My kids are most defiantly up there, in particular my son. He’s always on top of making sure I have everything I need. Having an autistic kid is an experience, and I’m in awe at how amazing he is about things.

I think the next challenge to be put in front of me is how I’m going to handle the Super Bowl party. Usually, I would have eaten, and grazed throughout the entire game. It’s time to see if I can handle that type of social setting. I think I will do well, because in the end. I have my support system. I think the biggest fear is that I’ll get back into old habits.

Holy shit, I seem to like moving though, and I’m moving quicker than I was for a while at least. I’m sure that this is going to help keep me on track. I discovered that moving feels better for my joints than just standing in one spot. It feels kind of weird though, to think that moving would feel better than that.

I’m getting ready to do some yard work during the weekends. I think it will help keep my activity up, and I need to get my house in order. I’ve got plenty of things that I’m working towards as well, and the yard work is just a plus to get this part taken care of. What a great way to get some exercise.

If you’re trying to get healthy too, and you read my blog, then thank you for taking your time to read about my experience. Please reach out, a supportive community helps keep us motivated to get things done. I know one of my motivators is numbers. I’m obsessed: the time of the day, how much more time before I get home, now the number of steps I take within a day. I’m trying to get an average of 5,000-6,000 steps in a day. 10,000 is still a bit much, but I’m gonna do my best to hit that number more often, because last week when I did the number, I had a great fire inside.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Twelve Years To The Day

Today is my son’s twelfth birthday, and while I sit hear and reflect on the years he’s been in my life, I thought that I would dedicate this blog to him, on his day. I’m proud of the man he’s becoming, and I’ve loved watching the growth within him as a person. Here’s to the awesome person that he is:

At this time in my life, I was a young and recently new Realtor in the real estate business. I had gone on to get my license and thought that this was the what I was going to do the rest of my life. Sarah was babysitting and we were doing okay financially at the time. Autumn, my eldest daughter was an independent three year old, whom I was I thinking might be our only child. I would have been okay with that because, she’s an amazing kid, and I love her with all my heart.

Being new, maybe a couple of months in to starting my new career field, Sarah had told me that she was sensitive in her chest, that was when I told her to be careful for a few days and see if that issue would go away. After several days, we decided to go ahead and get her a pregnancy test, which was ended up positive. My good friend Terry had been hanging out with us that day. So, he got the news at the same time that I did.

Now, Sarah had hyperemesis, when she was pregnant the first time with Autumn. In layman terms means that she had nine months of twenty-four hour pregnancy sickness. We thought that this was going to be different, but Murphy’s law came into effect. I mean, why not? It wasn’t like we were trying to get our lives together and my career was already set, but yes, it was worse than the our first pregnancy. Sarah ended up losing her job, and I was at the hospital with her almost the whole time. What a training regiment that ended up being for me as a Realtor.

Fast forward to January 28th, 2006- At around midnight we get to the hospital and by five-twenty-four, our little boy was born. That was the fastest birth I’d ever witnessed, and he had come six weeks earlier than expected. He stayed in the maternity ward for three weeks. This was a hard time in life, but I was glad to have my son, and Autumn got to go in and hold her baby brother as well.

Another jump in time, and I’ve got to say that Christopher Alexander Keeling II is a special boy. No, it’s not just because he’s my son, but on his own he shows so much more than I could ever expect from a young man. We discovered that he was Autistic when he was six years old. That explained the quarks we didn’t think anything of at that time in his life. He also has a learning delay, yet, he has a brilliant mind. Some of the things he says blows my mind that a kid his age would even think about.

One of the things we share is a love of music, at the age of two, he was into Sinatra and the whole crooner thing. He also has a love of Queen, which was something he reacted too while still in the womb. He loves his video games, wrestling, and super heroes. His favorites are the Flash and the Hulk. Very different characters, from the opposite sides of the spectrum.

What I personally think is awesome is how supportive he’s been, especially in my well being. He makes sure to check to see if I’m eating okay, reminds me to exercise, and he’s been supportive of my school journey as well. He’s even fascinated with wanting to help with the film company, which he’s ran the camera for me on a few little things here and there. He even filmed a shot for Nash Gray.

Sure, we play video games together and, enjoy our music and movies. However it’s the fact that he’s so health conscious that really fascinates me. He doesn’t eat a lot of junk, and he’s giving up on soda. He really is a supporter of his dad getting healthy and living a long life.

Even though he has Asperger’s, he’s well liked among his peers, and our family friends, think he’s awesome. I’m proud of the man he’s becoming, because he show’s concern for other’s, and I’m amazed by the progress he’s gone through in his academic life. I love my children, and I’m glad that I can celebrate his day with him. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Science? To What Degree?


I got this beauty in the mail today. It’s my Bachelor of Science in Digital Filmmaking. I’ve busted my ass for the last three years to obtain this degree, and it the pay off is in the Magna Cum Laude. I’ve never wanted something so bad in my life. I was happy to be able to finally accomplish something at this level. Plus, it’s a major step in the direction to having a better life for me, and my family.

I guess I should give an explanation on why this is a milestone for me, with the fact that I usually would let myself get to a point of insecurity, and quit anything worth while because something got to hard. I would do everything I could just to get by in life. I had various passions in my life, but I would squander them and waste the talent that I had. Now things are different.

I had to have that kick in the ass to get myself going, and while some people think that going after my passions and gaining the skills of a filmmaker might be considered a “waste of time”, I beg to differ because, film can go towards so many other things besides doing movies. Yes, I do movies, and I plan to keep on doing visual story telling, while doing other work with my degree in the real world. I have a plan.

The degree is step one, step two is getting myself healthy and since I’ve had the gastric sleeve, I’m feeling much better about myself. These will continue to help me build the brands that I’ve been working on for the last few years and I plan on doing far more things in life. Currently the third step is getting myself that other employment to help support my family and help make the movies that we will be making.

I’m sure after the third step I will have other plans starting to come to the forefront and those plans will be revealed as I continue on this course that I’ve taken for the rest of my life. I’m motivated to live my life and not be stuck playing video games all the time, and let time be wasted away. I love how life is finally turning around, and making me a better person. I will be sharing more as I go along. This is the director and that’s a wrap.

Doomsday Clock IS Ticking?!?

I’m sitting here, on my couch(and not at the studio), thinking about tomorrow. This is a big day, and this is the day the thoughts become tangible. Luckey Bom Films first real production, complete with on set locations and a larger crew than I’ve ever worked with(yes, I know I’ve said this before), but it still puts me in awe of the amazing things and amazing people that I have gotten to work with. I’m ready for this adventure!

Again, and yes I also know that this has been mentioned, I’m down to my last three months of school. That’s fucking insane! How the hell did I get this far? I mean first I was off of work, then I was prepping for life outside of my current career, and poof, I started film school and I’m almost finished with it. Three months and I’ll have a Bachelors degree in Digital Filmmaking. With that, the real fun begins as I start to look for work, and work on other projects that I’ve gotten started, and polishing up my demo reel. This is where the insanity comes in from.

The craziest part of this whole scenario is the fact that I’m loving the busy that I’ve got going on. I love the projects that I get to work on, and the learning I’m doing besides my school work. I plan on being a jack-of-all-trades when it comes to the entertainment business. The best part is that I’ll have a bit of free time to actually sit back and learn all the new stuff that I hadn’t had the time for(I’m coming for you Adobe After Effects). I can hear Little Chris saying, “Dad, make me into the Flash, I’ll put on my costume for you.” My kid’s are the cutest, and they’re excited that they get to be apart of this amazing adventure with me. Chris wants to learn how to use the camera, and Lily’s interest is in practical effects at this time.

One of the more interesting aspects that I started to learn about this week was about using Indiegogo and trying to crowd fund my project. I did start reaching out to friends, and I see some support starting to show up. Most have to wait until they get paid before they can contribute. Let me say this now, Thank you for helping out, it means so much that you’re interested in seeing where I can go with my artistic vision, and I won’t forget you when I make something out of myself and my ragtag crew of friends helping me out. It’s starting slow, but I think as we go and I gain momentum, I’ll put out a trailer, and some snippets to try and entice people into helping getting this funded. I started with a $500 limit to test the waters, but if I could get more, than that would be so amazing, and I could use that money to get better equipment and supplies for the film, and some nice food that would help keep our own pockets safe from the harsh realities of debt.

Speaking of  Indiegogo, I’ve got to learn how to market better, this is something I haven’t failed to notice, but it would help me draw more attention to my YouTube pages as well, and maybe my blogging. So, with this crowd funding, I’m looking on creative perks to drive interest for things we can offer. Why not a Nash Gray mug, or some really cool crap like that? I wouldn’t mind having one(especially since I made the logo).

I think one of the best parts of this experience is that I’m bringing in my eldest offspring to help do make-up on the largest days of shooting, you know with the whole cast type of deal. I’m glad that I have the wife and kids on this project, maybe they’ll want to do more in the future(assuming that they don’t want to kill me first).

Well, tomorrow’s the big day, and I should get cleaned up and go to sleep. I’ve got plenty to do this weekend, and all of it isn’t about filming the movie. As we’ve been doing for most of the last week we’re gonna #DoItForAndy, #NashGray #BennyMightLive. This is the director, and that’s another wrap.

Aw Man, What Was I Thinking

I’m glad the I decided to start my own production company. I love being my own boss, but a the same time, I’m looking to go out there and work for other people. Especially since I want the experience so that I can become a better filmmaker in my own right. I’ve gotten the chance to pick with kinds of projects that I work on, and this has been the most fun experience that I’ve had as a professional. There are days though that seem like they might just be too much.

Because I decided to go on in this business venture, it’s not been the easiest of choices. Now as I come to the closing chapters of my schooling and getting that degree, I’ve come to the point where I need to start focusing on becoming a business person as well. There have been challenges in this aspect, and I’m contemplating decisions that I might not like making, but it comes with the territory.

The other part of this is the fact that “anything worth doing, is never easy”. What truth that quote holds. You try and do the right thing, say like adopt a child in need. That’s difficult in and of itself. Deciding on a major career change, is a challenge when you’ve been doing something for so long, that is all you feel you’re qualified for.  Being in love and making that work, is not always the easiest thing to do either. Yet, there are reason’s that drive us to do these things.

Weight loss surgery is something else I’ve decided on, because being a person who feels trapped in a body that I didn’t bargain for is how I feel. I can’t move as much as I like, I hate the way I look in pictures, and I don’t like that all the clothes I can wear are expensive as hell. I don’t like looking at myself in the mirror. So, I have a very negative look on my own self image, and I hide it with an over confident attitude. It’s worked for me so far, and I know that charisma is something I do have.

I also know that these decisions that I’v made in the last few years are going to put me in a financial spot that I’m going to have to overcome, but I have faith that I will, because that’s always been the story of my life. I’ve got to have that drive to keep going, because I’ve got responsibilities, and that drive is always good for the artist. Yes, it may mean that I have to put that much extra work to get there, but I’ll do what I must.

So, this is my determination: I’m going to lose the weight and change my life style to maintain the weight loss. I’m going to do everything in my power to become the best damn filmmaker that I can. I’ll go ahead and do what I can to learn from professionals and craft my trade of choice. I can’t just let the haters win, who said that I needed to get real and go get a “practical job”. I need to get that career that betters my station and ignore the comments of being a part of the “hamburger brothers”.

I’m going to do this so that I can show my kids that it’s not bad to want something and work hard for it. I’ve always been able to make friends, and have some of the best people believe in me, so I don’t want to disappoint them, and I want to show them my gratitude for being the supports they are. I want to be able to provide better for my family because we should have to feel trapped in a situation that needs growth. I want to let my loved one’s know that I do love them, and I want to be there for them. I want to feel like a better person than I sometimes do.

While there are good things, I know that I’ve had many negative people come into my life and plant those seeds of doubt. I’m here to send them all away because all they’ve ever done was motivate me even more. Drive me more, make me successful, that’s what I want. I do what I have to, in both survival, and supporting my family. I will prevail.

This is the director and that is a wrap. Support this.

I’ll Pass On The Straight Jacket, Thank You

So, I just finished my last video before we go in to the Pre-production class, and now I’m four months from being over. The most current thing that I’ve been really trying is getting my post production skills going.  I’ve been watching videos about Photoshop, After Effects, and I’m just now trying to put them together by trying out some test footage. I got it to look like my son was controlling force lightning. I’m teaching him about camera and editing work, and I guess you can say that’s one of the ways we are bonding.

I would be lying if I said that I felt like I have this in the bag. Truth is, I’m scared shitless. There’s too much of the unknown ahead of me, but on the bright side is that the people I’ve asked to crew for me, and my actors so far, are people I know that I can count on. There has been a tremendous support for my endeavors, and I continue to build upon my network connections. It’s funny how you can make some friends over being geeky. It’s beautiful to be able to share a passion together and help each other be successful. I have some of the best people in my life because of that.

With that being said, I’m going to give a shout out to my crew; Ed, my friend and creative partner, this is your vision, and I’m glad that I could help bring the story to life. Sarah, my wife, you are the best support ever. Thanks for sticking by me through everything. Terry: you and I have been friends for so long, that you’ve always come to my aid in time of need. You’re family brother. Alisa, you’re eagerness to be of help and dedication is awesome, thanks for being a good dink. Rodney, you’ve worked for me as an actor, and we’ve acted together. I’m glad to bring you to the other side of the production team, I know you’re connections will help breathe life into the people you help cast. Mike, you’re the first friend that I ever made here, it’s funny that so many years later we would be going to school for the same thing. I look forward to working with you and have you on as an extra pair of eyes to get this done.

Celeste; while being the newest member of this crew, and one of the newest geeks, I welcome your insight on this process since you have some experience. Thank you for your willingness to help out. Now for my actors and SCA brethren, thank you, Dean and Curtis for being some of the feature players in my film. I look forward to seeing what it is that you bring to these characters, and I think that we’ll continue to have a good time, like always.

I’m looking forward to what creative things I have in the works to present unto everybody. If you haven’t subscribed to my stuff, please do, that’s the biggest way of showing me that you support this journey.  Thank you. This was just to be short and sweet. With that being said, this is the Director and that’s a wrap.

Superhero Shirt Day: The Birth of Something Bigger

Oh boy, where to even begin? Damn, I can’t believe that it’s been over a year since the world lost a big geek. James, I see or talk to your parents almost daily, and I know that they miss you more than ever. You left a huge hole in the lives that you impacted, and things wouldn’t be the same. It was good to know you kid.

Tomorrow is your birthday, you would have been twenty years old. I think you would be proud of the things that are being done in your name. There’s so much that I personally wish I could have shared with you, and I think the things that Sarah and I have done with your parents, would have gotten you excited to join in with as well.

Your birthday day has become a day to remember the parents who have lost a child, and I’ve had the unfortunate experience to see it happen to a few people I know, but their children are honored with you. Thank you for being a bigger light then anyone could have ever thought you would be.

Superhero Shirt Day brought along the birth of the Geeks of The IWV, and it has really brought people together. I never expected this to become such a big part of my life, hell, I’m producing content with its own channel because of the Geeks. It really fills that passionate side of me. Thank you Kim for letting me run with the Geeks on Geek concept, it’s something that I’ve been wanting to do for a long time, and I think James would have loved this concept too.

The Geeks of The IWV was something I agreed to start because I thought it would help my co-creator coupe, and it’s seemed to have given her that, and given her more. It’s even given me more than I thought I would have dreamed of. I knew that I was heading towards this anyway as an avenue that I wanted to pursue, but its also given me inspiration to create content with the other geeks that I know, and I can’t wait to start producing more content in the name of the Geeks.

So, to my followers on WordPress, Facebook, and Twitter, I ask that you wear something with a superhero as a shirt, or even something geeky, to help support this day. Help honor the parents of the lost children, and fly the geek flags high in the air. Happy twentieth James, we love you, and hope you’re smiling down upon those who honor your memory. This is the director, and with geeky pride, I’m calling this a wrap.

Messed Up Parenting, and Experience is a Bitch!

Some people try to be a perfect parent…. I mean it should be easy right? Television and movies make it look…almost too easy.  I think the most interesting experience is raising yourself, also called the parents curse.  Remember when mom and dad said, your child is going to be just like you?  Yeah, it’s happened, and it is frustrating.  All we can do is try our best to raise our children with love and care, and then get told we’re wrong, just to be proven right….later.

I’m not a perfect parent, and although it’s a learning process, the best we can do is try and do our best, and hope that we didn’t fuck up enough in the end. Don’t get me wrong, I might miss times when they were younger and innocent, but I feel the best goal is to raise decent people and hope they succeed in the world.  That’s all a parent can actually hope for.

So, I think I’m funny, and I thought having little people with my sense of humor would be hilarious, instead I realized that I raised assholes. Not that they are the kind to steal lunch money or beat someone up, but they mess with people. The sad part is that as a parent, I feel guilty of the fact that it is kind of funny, but at the same time it make me reflect on the kind of person I am. Sadly, the kind of sense of humor I have, does make me an asshole. At least I’m somewhat likable, then there’s the grey area of as you get to know me, is that humor worth it?

I want my kids to grow up and realize that I love them with all my heart, and though I’ve made mistakes, I hope they know that I’ve always wanted what was best for them. Sometimes, I don’t think people appreciate what family they have. I for one, don’t seem to have the best relationship with most of my family. I get along with my parent’s just fine, but I have a very different perspective on life then my cousin’s and grandparents do. I guess that makes me a black sheep, but I’m not afraid to be different.

The hardest part about being a parent is watching another version of you growing up before your eyes. The same depression, the same frustrations, and with things different with today’s society.  You can’t give the advice that got you through those tough times of bullies, and self loathing. You want to help, you want to make it better, but nothing you do is right, and in the end, you just can’t seem to relate.

This brings the most frustrating part of being a parent to light, the child knows everything, and the parent doesn’t. God, I remember when I knew everything and when I was invincible. To be able to have that mindset again, but then you gain the wisdom of not knowing everything and pride be damned, you’re not always right.

“No  child, I don’t say this to make you feel bad, or stupid,” “I do this to enlighten you, because I care, because I don’t want you to make the same mistakes that I made.”  That’s all anyone can do, be there for their children, and support them. At some point, you can’t protect them forever. All you can do is give them tools to work with and hope that it’s enough to get them through this cold and cruel world.

Sometime remind them that you love your child, but also remind them that the world has no love for them.  While you’ve protected them, warn them that the world isn’t there for their protection. This place is ugly, and all you can do is try and be that piece of beauty in this place.

For my children: Autumn, Christopher, and Lily, I love you and hope that I’ve taught you something that you can use as a torch to light the way.  You are good children, and I’ll always support you.

This is the Director and that is a wrap.

search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close