Consistency and Bad Habits

So, I’ve gained about twenty-five pounds over this pandemic, and I have deduced my reasons on why this has happened. Remember in previous blogs where I said that I had struggled because I’ve let bad habits slip back in? Yep, that’s one of the reasons. The other is the fact that my work outs have not been consistent over the last year. A positive is that I’m aware of these facts and I’m working on correcting the path that I’ve been on.

I remember that I was doing well through most of February of last year. I was trying to deal with an ankle injury that I obtained while doing a grappling class, and it seemed that I would keep aggravating it as I had gone on. It was when I went out for a week in March, when I started falling off the motivational train. The plus side was that it required me to rest for the week and it gave my ankle the appropriate time to heal. It was also the time when everything started to shut down because of the Coronavirus.

The issue for the Covid-19 was that at this time everything was starting to shut down. That required me to stay out of public as much as possible do to my job as it was. See where I’m going here? That meant that I couldn’t go workout at the gym like I had been for so long. I tried to do an occasional workout from home, but with a bullshit excuse I feel that I don’t have enough room to get a decent workout in. Plus I had been a bit under the weather and took it easy.

I found that staying at home and not doing the things I was used too, both a blessing and a curse. I was fortunate enough to still be working, just night’s were kind of hard not to snack to stay up. What happens when there’s snacking and not enough exercise? You put on some pounds. It also didn’t help that at the time, March ended up feeling about three-months-long.

Some of the positives, I found were the fact that everything being closed, I was spending less money on the things that I tend to enjoy, and I used that to help pay down certain debts that I’d been working on for a while. I had to the opportunity to actually focus a bit more on paying off bills in a larger concentrated amount. I found that trying to look at the bright side of things was making the time a bit more easy to handle.

With everything being on some type of lock down, I also found that I wasn’t having to deal with as many of the people as I was normally, and the fact is that as soon as we were done, we got to go home. It was nice being able to get home at six-fifteen-in-the-morning, and then off to bed, so the I could get up around noon. I now that sleep schedule sounds bad, and I’ll be the first to admit that I could have used a bit more sleep then I was getting, but that’s one of those things that was hard to over come during the first couple of months on shift.

The last year was unpredictable to say the least, and I can see why, as someone who remained consistent for so long, ended up having issues staying motivated. The plus side is that I’m in a position to claim my consistency back, and honestly I think things are going to get even better over the next few months with that as it is. I feel that my focus had defiantly fallen behind and I’m ready to take it back.

People like to think that the weight loss journey is a slope that goes down, and never goes back up. Many “health supplements, and gurus” try to convince people of that. That’s what sells the product, or the service that is provided in helping out with losing the weight. People want to lose weight without the effort. I’ve seen it too many times, and had wanted that for myself at times in the past.

Working out feels good. So ,why would I stop, and make excuses? I fell on some hard depression during the nightshift. I’ll be the first to say that while the shift itself is easy, my mind isn’t kind to me. I’d start thinking about all these negative things, and with the growing concern at the time of the virus, it had caused me to become a bit anxious, and when left to my own devices, I find that I need validation. I know that some might think that silly. Some people may even agree with that struggle. All I can say is that it’s never pretty going through that situation. You start thinking or doing things that you might not normally do.

As the time progressed and certain things got relaxed a bit, I was able to get back into working out. My eating was still a bit off, but at least I was getting the workouts in. One of the issues was that the timing of my workouts didn’t always seem to work out the way I needed them too and would often have to cancel, and so there were still weeks that I wasn’t working out, or I’d only be working out once a week. At least I was still able to do a mile-and-a-half run in seventeen-eighteen. At least I was trying to make things work.

As I was getting into the seventh month of a six month rotation on nightshift, I was starting to find myself struggling a bit more with my daily life. I know that I was ready to get something new going, and my motivation was dragged down with the constant feeling of fatigue going on. I believed that we were having another big wave of infection going on at the time and things started shutting down again. Guess what that meant for the workouts?

I thought that my metabolism would be good and I could endure, but I was wrong. Then when my mom got sick in October, it felt like so much was going on that I ended up missing more workouts. I’d like to say that I wish I was using this as an excuse, but I was literally calling off work and having to travel out of town to take care of things. It felt like life wasn’t letting up.

I didn’t waste all this time feeling sorry for myself though. I did write and film a short. I also embarked on a journey to get my personal trainers certificate. I just wish that life’s other plans wouldn’t have distracted me from what I needed to do.

So, I’ve gained about twenty-five pounds, I will destroy it, but it doesn’t just happen over night. I was also competing with a plateau that I was stuck on for well over a year. That being said, at least I haven’t given up on everything. I just hit a bump in the road, which I will over come. Plus once I get my personal trainer cert, I’ll be doing more activity as it is.

Now that I’m moving on to a new job, and I’m going to hopefully have a somewhat normal schedule, I’m thinking that I might find a training time that will fit me better. It was always hard putting in maximum effort, just to struggle through the fatigue at work. Now, maybe I’ll be able to go home, eat dinner, take a shower, and put myself to bed. I’ll be able to push more, which is something I sometimes struggle with doing during my workouts. Pushing myself was a far harder thing to do when I started two-and-a-half-years ago. I’ve gotten better at it, though I still find myself cheating sometimes. I just need to get into a better mindset again for it. I don’t want to be over four-hundred pounds ever again. I have to be more mindful with what I eat, and really think if I’m doing it because I’m hungry, or if it’s because I’m bored.

Remember to keep an eye out for the CK Project podcast. Here’s the link for our latest on anxiety https://anchor.fm/CkProject/episodes/How-is-your-anxiety-doing-during-the-pandemic-eoov62. We’re branching out, and will be doing more with the brand. Expect some videos in the near future as we continue to grow, and separate what form of media is presented and which subjects are touched in the various forms. Not all are the same. With that, I’m the director, and that’s a wrap.

Ready, Let’s Go

January 1, 2021- It’s the start of a new year. So, the common theory is that with the start of a new yea, it’s a new start. A new page, a new chapter. Is it really? Can we just ignore the last twelve months, and think everything is better? I have friends and family who think so. Myself? I feel that all it really does is lead to another day, but that’s not to say that a new year doesn’t have its benefits. I feel that the way momentum has been all over the place, I think that things will turn go into a better place, than last year.

For many people, myself included last year was a rough year, mentally more than anything else. People had taken their lives due to being kept inside and away from social situations. I saw a video from New York City, where a person had jumped out of their window. It wasn’t watching the fall that bothered me, it was the sound. It was louder than I thought it would be. The filmmaker in me thought about how good those mics were, but the fact that this pandemic has put so much stress on people is the sad part.

This has tested relationships, more now than probably ever before. People are discovering that they might not like their partners as much as they thought they did. Domestic violence cases had been elevated, and parent’s patience with their children have been tested more than ever. Mentally, people are tired, and feel they need the relief of normalcy. But how does that even look anymore? Is what we’ve known as normal, ever going to go back to the way it was?

For this answer, I’m gonna be real about my feelings on the subject. I don’t think we’ll ever get back to that normal. I’m interested in seeing just what that new normal is. I’m sure that once social distancing isn’t required anymore, we’ll have an abundance of social gatherings, hell, I’m gonna predict another baby boom is going to happen. Things just won’t be the same. That might not be so bad though.

Mentally, I personally am trying to find a more positive focus, as I know that I’ve slipped back into a negative mindset now and again. There’s so much going on and the world hasn’t exactly been a bright spot in life for a bit. Things are out of our control, and to salvage any sanity, I have to worry about those things that I can control. It’s those things that we, as a society, can’t control that makes people frustrated. Is that something valid? The frustration of how others are acting?

I’ve experienced people in charge, not seem to take this pandemic serious. I’ve seen the wealthy, who can help people in need, make poor decisions that only tend to hurt those who are in need. I’ve seen businesses be destroyed, and I’ve also seen people dramatically change their opinions throughout this experience. Best advice I could give? Be smart about the decisions that you make.

The hardest part about this pandemic, is that the longer it goes on, the closer to home it gets. I personally know more people who’ve come down with Covid-19 than I ever would have thought possible. The sad part is, there are many of them who have tried to do their best to prevent themselves from getting it. I’ve also lost people that I’ve known, and ever cared for to this virus. It’s made me question somethings. It’s caused me to want to appreciate those I do have in my life that much more.

I know that my relationships with people have changed over the last year. I’ve let go of people whom have surprised me with their views on life and people. I’ve learned more about my own feelings on life. Mentally, I had felt shut off for a time. I want to say that part of those reasons, are because of working on the nightshift, but that might just be an excuse. I think that being down a few times with potential symptoms might have been apart of it.

So, where do we go from here? I think that more people are going to be judgmental about sick people being out and about at the stores. I think people going to work sick, and being sent home is going to be encouraged just a bit more. I actually think that masks wearing while sick, might become more popular here in America. Our focuses on technology is going to go in a different direction. I think more focus on getting better ways to communicate will be a major push. I also think the way people work is going to be different. Working at home, will end up being more common place than not. I just think that business’s will take a bit of time to figure things like that out. I think the medical field might also get more focus after the way the medical professionals have served tirelessly through all this. If that ends up not being the case, then that’ll be a shame.

If this pandemic has shown anything else, it’s the inequality of the economic levels. The rich have kept getting richer, as the lower, and middle-classes have struggled to survive. It’s shown that more people need help that others would rather not acknowledge. Mentally, this has strained a large portion of society. I’ve also heard people claiming that the opposite party is evil. Honestly, I think it’s the greed that makes people do evil things, and as it does say in a certain book, “money is the root of all evil.” I’m not going to get preachy on this though.

I just feel mentally tired, and spiritually, I’m finding peace that I’ve not known for sometime. While this past year had been full of unexpected turns of events, I was brought closer to things from the past I had little to no idea about. I was able to meet the missing part of my life and see the man my brother is, and the woman who my sister is. I love them both. I’ve also got to witness how amazing some people truly are, and how inspirational they can be.

Mentally, I think we should take this first day of a new year, and decide who we are, and how we want people to remember us. Is being the self-entitled and arrogant attitude the way we want to be remembered? Do we want to be remembered as someone who showed compassion and forgiveness in a time where things are so uncertain? I personally said that I was going to be a beacon of positivity, and this was a commitment that I made over five-years-ago. Have I faltered? Absolutely. Has my life improved? Far beyond anything that most people realize.

I do want to say a couple more things about where things have been, and the appreciation that I have to those who have shown concerned. On most days, I seemed to get asked if I’m okay (side note, Sarah just asked). I’ve had several people offer to be that support if I needed to talk, they’d listen. If you’re one of those people, thank you. It matters and means more to me than you will ever know.

Since my mother died, and then my ex-wife, as well as some friends, who’ve died from Covid-19 related complications, I’ve not felt much. I know that I’ve been numb, and questioning how I should feel, maybe this is my survival mode switched on. I feel bad for them, and those affected by it, I just try not to dwell on it. My mom had been sick anyway, at least she’s not suffering the pain. My ex, had stage-four adrenal cancer, and she was in really bad shape the last few times I had spoken to her. All I can think is that she’s not suffering anymore. Mentally, I’m doing alright, and I will survive. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

How Should It Feel?

So, as we start the last month of a strangely rough year, a few things have come to mind, that has me thinking of life in general. I’m usually a person who tries to stay positive, even in the less than positive circumstances. I’ve heard to opinions on both sides of the Covid-19 isle. While I respect people for who they are and I try to respect their belief systems, I can’t say that I haven’t been affected by this pandemic. In particular during the last few months of this year. I’ve been replying to people who say that they can’t wait to get to the new year for a fresh start. The last few weeks, I’ve been saying that there’s a plot twist, that it gets worse.

I got news last night that put me in a spot of reflection. I was told by a mutual friend that my ex-wife, yes, the one I’ve ranted about in several posts, had passed away from Covid-19 a few days ago. For a woman who put me through hell, how should one feel about this news? Should there be a justified vindication? What if I said that it left an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach? This wasn’t the way I expected her to go. We’d gotten in contact a couple of years ago, and started to make amends, she had been apologetic about the way things happened. Her father was an instigator for many of our problems. Anyway I digress.

She had stage four Adrenal cancer and had been sick, even when we had talked after so many years. I had people who had known her tell me a few years before she reached out, that she had cancer. At that time, I wanted to know if she passed. I think the reason at the time was for a peace of mind, but in truth I felt like I would feel sad. I do feel empty, at the same time I feel that she is better off because she’d been riddled with health problems her whole life. Most of our marriage spent time in the emergency room due to her declining health.

It was nice that we could catch up as we did, because I was able to share my passion for filmmaking, and that she said she was proud of where I was in life. I felt bad for her because her life seemed to get progressively harder after our time together. I guess it could have been considered karma, but I think that train of thought would be horrible, and I knew that after we had talked that I had felt sorry for the choices that she made. I’m glad that she got to have the kids that she always wanted, but I’m also glad that they weren’t mine, because I think that it would have kept tension between us, if we would have had any children.

I keep wondering about how I should feel. I’m not blogging this to find sympathy, and I’m not on this subject to bash the woman that I had once loved. I think it’s surreal, because she was the first person that I ever considered having a family, a future with. The relationship was toxic, but I had loved her.

With that Sarah was the savior of my soul, and she’s defiantly one of the most patient women I’ve ever known. She’s the one I’m glad I did build our lives together. It’s not always easy, God knows how much harder it’s been since she’s gotten Crohn’s disease, but I do try to show her the support she needs. I go to every appointment I can, but the pandemic has put things into a different mode for everyone.

What’s harder is the fact that I lost my maternal mother due to complications from contracting Covid-19, I mean it’s not like we were close, as a mater of fact I did keep distance, but she did give birth to me. The fact that I got to go to Pennsylvania and got to learn about her was nice. I got to meet family that seemed to accept me, even if I wasn’t there for most of my life. I did learn that she loved me, and that I was always in her thoughts.

More importantly, I found something I was missing from my life, and that I got to fulfill her wish to have her kids together. Come to find out that I actually like my brother and sister. I know that I’ve talked about that experience in another blog, so I’ll just continue on.

Isn’t it weird that things can seem to go to shit, yet an amount of good happens about the same time? I mean, I lose my mom, I come home and find out that my dog has to be put down. I get a raise at work, and an opportunity to have a place to actually produce some serious content for all three brands. That’s crazy, right? Then I find out about Mariah last night, and it’s just got me thinking about life in general, both the blessings and the trials that we face on a constant basis.

I think that the hardest part of this year is that it’s changed me, some for the better, but I’m sure that there’s been some negative effects thrown in there, I’m just not sure what it is yet. I mean it’s hard to see our own flaws at times. I do know that I’ve decided to keep pushing forward with what I’m doing and I plan on improving my brands. I also plan on learning more things and different skills to help me become a more well-rounded person over all. You should never stop learning, and if you’re passionate about something, you should continue to improve your knowledge on the subject. I’ve come to the point in life that I don’t feel like I know much of anything, but I’m trying.

Remember that all hope isn’t lost. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, nobody said how long that tunnel is though. Just keep pushing forward, because in the end, we’re our own competition. We’re also our own worst enemies. I spent many nights on nightshift feeling like nobody liked me, but it was just my mind. Remember, you are good enough, you are worthy. You got this.

I don’t know if there’s going to be more surprises for me to experience this year, but I do know that I’m going to keep going forward, and not let these things break my will. I know there are those who would say that they couldn’t handle much more, and I get that I’ve been through quite a bit, especially within a short period, but I’m a survivor, and that’s something that I’ve done my whole life. I’ve faced my demons several times over, and I’ve prevailed. I know that if I can do that, anybody can. I’ve hated myself, and then come to terms with my dislike. I love who I’ve become over the last several years, and I’m coming to terms with the fact that I’ve not always been the best person, as a friend, a husband, or a father. My depression has caused me to be absent for part of life. I’m not going to make that an excuse, because I can do better, and I’m trying to do better.

What happens when we stop growing? The trick is: we never do stop. You can’t control time for stopping, children get older, we get older. Our hair, nails, age, it all grows. The only thing anyone can really do is make the best of it, and the best advantage is to improve on what you already have.

If there’s been a real eye-opener this year, it’s been the fact that I’ve seen the ugly that people can show. I’ve seen hate, and racism more harshly than I thought possible. I saw it from the most unlikely of people, and I have had to disassociate from some of these people. It’s hard to lose the connection with people. Even if that’s to help your own sanity, it’s never easy to get rid of people. I’ve been used by friends, and abused by lovers, but it’s never easy cutting people off, but toxic is toxic.

Anyway, that’s what’s been going on in my life over the last few months. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

How Did It Happen?

For a year that had been emotionally and mentally rough on most people, good things can come to those with patience. I for on don’t think that most of the year went too horribly, I found ways to benefit from the pandemic, like staying home kept me in check and refocus on things such as paying off bills.

Mentally I wasn’t completely keeping it together. One of those things I dealt with was dealing with a low-key depression that I hadn’t really realized was there until much later in the year. I wanted to blame it on being on the nightshift for so long, and the fact that the pandemic happened towards the beginning of my time on that shift. I just really didn’t think of what it was that was bothering me.

One of the downsides of me being on nightshift is always that my mind isn’t nice to me, ever. I start getting stupid thoughts of doubt, and loneliness, and it doesn’t do my mental health any good. That’s why I would text people I knew at god awful hours just so that I could feel validated to someone. I did find the experience to growth, from a personal perspective. My opinions on certain aspects on life have been changed, and it’s taken me by surprise.

Mentally, I feel a bit uplifted now. I got a raise at work that I’ve been hoping to get for some time. I also got an opportunity to have a space for a studio, which is something I haven’t thought that I would have for a long time. The positive side is that I can now produce a bit more video content without having to worry about finding the space I would need for some of the stuff I’ve been meaning to do. I think this will be a win for The CK Project and Luckey Bom Films. The Geekultural will be getting some content as well. I’m excited because this has been what I’ve been working towards the last few years.

Mentally, I’m feeling accomplished. I’ve also been changing some eating habits and changing up my physical training regimen, and I’m starting to feel a bit better about that now. I’ve started what is termed as the “cutting phase”, which means that I’m on a modified cabbage diet, as well as doing endurance training. This way I’ll be going leaner and losing weight. I’m looking to drop muscle size as well with high reps, and light weight.

It’s torcher, and also changing my eating habits and being more conscious about how and when I’m eating is starting to feel that I’m feeling better, and not as fat. I think the weirdest part is that I’ve dropped eating my protein bars, that had been my go-to for the last almost three years. I got this, and in truth, I know that it’s going to save me money in the long run.

Part of why I’ve decided to go this route is because I want to start training for a body building competition. I’m not expecting to win anything, however it’s a learning process to help me for when I become a trainer. Not only that, but as an actor, I would like to look a bit better when I’m on screen, and yes I know that it’s partially a vanity thing. Though getting in the best shape of my life will also extend my life, and I like feeling better about myself.

I guess that shows one of those connections between the physical and mental aspects in life. I mean look, make-up and fashion have been playing into this connection for years. It is a multi-billion dollar industry after all. Plus it’s something society has put standards on. It molds the way most people view the world. It can be ugly at times. If you’re over weight, people tend to be judgmental. If you’re under weight, same difference. I often use the quote haters gonna hate. It’s sad, but true.

Remember how I mentioned how I hated nightshift because of where my mind would take me? Yeah, that the words of people wanting to tear me down since I was little. I used to tease my kids when they were little to toughen them up, but as I’ve gotten older, I hope that I’ve gotten wiser to realize that it wasn’t the best approach to parenthood. The intention was out of love and wanting to protect my children.

That’s something that was hard to accept, that as a parent, I can’t protect my children from all the bad in this world. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but sometimes we have to just hope that they can find their way and succeed in life. The world isn’t kind, and all we can do as parents is hope that we’ve given them enough tools to manage the ugly that life presents during the various events in our lives.

I feel that my mental health hasn’t always helped me to be a good parent, but I’ve tried my best, given the circumstances at hand. However, the person that I’ve strived to become over the last several years I think is a step in the right direction. The hardworking that I’ve been putting into getting my brands going, I hope is an example of what I’m trying to have my kids learn. I hope that they can learn and become better versions of themselves as well.

I’m sorry that they’ve ever had to see me struggle and suffer from my misplaced anger. I’m sorry that I didn’t feel that I was the parent that they needed, but they know that I love them. I hope that by seeing me at my worst, they can appreciate that I’ve done all that I could to overcome the struggles of poor mental and physical health. They are my world, and I love them. The fact that they can share in my success, and be apart of building something bugger then just who I am, is where I think we’ve found bounding at it’s finest.

This was started last weekend, and being Thanksgiving, I’m going to finish my thoughts:

I was called to come help my father pick my step-mother up from the floor yesterday. The time was about eight-thirty in the morning, and when I had come to assist I had found out that she had been on the floor since about four-in-the-morning. After we had gotten her up, I was told that she needed to get an ultrasound on her legs because the doctor’s think that she may have clots in her legs. Talk about a plot twist that as most people have felt the whole year has been bad, I figured that it hadn’t been that bad, well I guess that I’m having my chips cashed in in the last bit of this year.

I mean if you’ve been following me for some time, then you already know that I don’t believe that a new year, fresh start is in my belief system. I mean things just seem to come in waves at times. Seeing the woman who raised me, look so frail, and just seems to be getting worse since her head trauma from a couple of years ago has got me thinking about how much time she has left. Again, she raised me, and was the only woman I called mom for most of my life, her condition has hit me hard. I’m afraid that I’m going to be losing her soon, and that would just be the exclamation to hit me during these troubled times.

I’m not letting these events drag me down, at least not to anywhere dangerous, but at the same time, I think I’m still trying to figure out what it all means. I know that this month of November has come with it’s own set of mixed blessings, as I’ve gotten almost all my studies done, and I have made forward progress on the filmmaking end of things as we are setting up an area that gives us a bit of space to grow and film. Plus with the meetings every weekend, we’ve been developing something that should keep us busy filming for a majority of the year.

It’s all about taking it one-step-at-a-time. Just like working on self-care, mental health, and everything else in life. Take it all one step, one day-at-a-time.

With that, this is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Wear Your Damn Mask

So, I had been feeling very tired for the last week, and my breathing has been a bit labored. Yesterday morning, I got tested for Covid-19. As someone who’s not gotten very sick since I lost so much weight, that this was concerning. Unfortunately, I have to wait ten-to-fourteen-days until I get my results. The reason that I had noticed anything was that my eldest had mentioned to my wife that she had lost sense of taste and smell.

As I thought about it, I had noticed that I had been tired while getting closer to the time that I would go to work. I thought that it was just because I sleep like shit anyway. That’s been something that has been going on my whole life any way. Nightshift doesn’t really help anything as it is. Then I started noticing other things like a headache on a regular basis.

The other thing that got me was that I noticed that my breathing wasn’t normal. You know how it feels different breathing while you’re sick? That the air just doesn’t seem to go through as easy? Well, that’s exactly as I’ve been feeling.

Now the sad part is that this pandemic is very real. I’ve known several people personally to have had it. People at my work as well, but the real issue is that somehow it’s become political. While I usually try to avoid politics, when I involve the CK Project, I do have somethings to say on this subject. The sad part is that I have people on both sides of this argument.

Look, I get that wearing a mask “seems” to infringe on your “freedom”, but let’s face fact, all the conspiracy theories and how you’re not going to be a “sheep”, just makes you come off like an asshole. Seriously, doctor’s wear masks for hours at a time in an operation room, you really think a thirty-minute trip is going to kill you?

Oh yeah, it’s a political ploy so by November, it’s just going to disappear. Look, the numbers aren’t exactly matching up, and it’s “not that bad”, and I get that, but it’s still early in the process. Hell, we’re probably close to a year into the exposure to Covid-19, is it comparable to the Spanish Flu? Well, that did last over two-years, so those stats are final, this isn’t.

The worst part about all of this is, are that mistakes are being made and the numbers aren’t to be trusted. Why? Again because it’s political, and I’ll say that money being involved with the stats, kind of keep it political as it is. I mean, the “mighty dollar” is what runs everything. So, we’re getting fucked because of it.

I’m scared, and not for myself, but for my family members because their immune systems suck. My oldest, probably got it, and it wasn’t like she was out being stupid about things. I know my kid, and she’s gonna do all she can to stay safe. Yet you have people pulling their masks down and coughing without covering their mouths(and yes, that’s a jab at that old guy at Walmart who coughed like that as I walked by).

I get why people have doubts though. It’s easier to deny the unknown, and let’s face it, people aren’t very good at dealing with life and death matters as it is. It’s so much easier when someone doesn’t have anyone they know involved, however, that narrative is starting to change. I’m seeing people start to give the warnings a bit of credence. The sad part is that if the ‘self-entitled freedom fighters” would have listened in the first place, we probably wouldn’t be dealing with the epidemic anymore. However, people are, well they are self-interested. I’ll leave it like that.

So here I am, off work for fourteen days. I tried to avoid coming in contact, however I had to get things during this time, and it was a matter of time with working during this whole thing. On the bright side, I was able to work on post production for The Driver.

It’s only test footage at this time, and it’s been great practice for myself and my crew. Visually, it’s helping me mold my character, and the visual part of the storytelling. We’ve reshot this so much and it’s been fun, and now that I can see that it’s helping me mature as a filmmaker. It’s giving Sarah sometime behind the camera as assistant director, as I’m doing both directing and acting. I’m having fun with it.

So, I’m doing all that I can to make the best of what I can, when I’m not sleeping that is. I’ve slept so much since I’ve been off, it isn’t even funny. My sleep schedule is even more shitty as it is. I’ve been averaging about three hours a night, when I go to actual bed.

With that being said, I think that this will be it for now. This is the director and that’s a wrap.