Lose And Gain

So, it’s been a while since I’ve done the official “weight-loss” update. Here goes; I gained four pounds. Yep, that’s the official update, I’m back up to 264 pounds. I’m not even mad, I knew the plateau’s and the weight gains would just all be apart of the process. So remember that!

You see the commercials on television and in print ads that someone can help you drop all the weight you want by a pill or a drink, with minimal work. It doesn’t work that way, ever. The truth is that while you will drop the weight, there will be times that you level out, and even gain some. Remember that it’s just part of the journey, and I know that’s the part that people hate.

It’s the plateau’s and the gains that cause most people to quit. I mean who wants to see the number stick or go up? We didn’t get into losing weight to see the momentum go anywhere but down? I gained five pounds, and I’ve worked so hard not to gain, what kind of bullshit is this?

I remember the first time I plateau’d after my surgery, God it was frustrating! Man it was the longest time before I dropped weight again(actually it was like three weeks). I don’t think I got mad at myself, but it was disappointing. Yet, I knew even then that it was part of the process, but after seeing my first hundred pounds just melt off, it sucked.

I think some habits have also snuck back into my life, especially since I’ve been in a bit of a stressful situation. I still have a win because one, I’m aware of it, and two, I’m still staying active. I’m going to overcome this situation. This is just another bump in the road that I have to overcome.

Mentally, I’ve been a bit down, but nothing too discouraging to know that I can’t overcome it. The mind is your most powerful weapon that you have. If you believe, then you can achieve. I know that my mind tells me that I can’t do things, like lunges. It doesn’t let me do lunges, and it makes me feel afraid that I’ll injure my knee. I don’t ever recall injuring my knee that way, but it makes it hard for me to go down without some sort of support. If I use a chair, then I know that I can do it.

On the positive side, I’ve been learning about various exercises from the Men’s Health Magazine, Twitter page. One of the exercises, that I’m excited about is the Mt. Climber, I’ve seen it done, but I realized that when I’ve done it before, I didn’t have the proper form for doing it. Another exercise is called the Halo. It’s an exercise that can use either a dumbbell or a kettlebell and it works the shoulders. This one excites me because it hits the shoulders from several angles. A third exercise that I’ve seen on video from Twitter is called a pike press. Modified, I think it would be a good exercise for me to do a shoulder press.

Another thing that I can say that is on the positive side, is that I’ve been looking into what kind of mindset an entrepreneur should have. I know that it’s going to take time, and a massive amount of hard work, but I will get there. I also know that I’m pushing for “maximum effort” because while one brand, or business is a full-time job, I have three that I’m working on.

With that, this is where things get a bit more convoluted, the CK Project is my oldest and most popular of my brands.  It’s great because I find that it’s the easiest to give most of my attention too. I support the fact that I get to help others with mental and physical guidance. This is what helped me become a happier person, and the privilege to help others has been fulfilling.

The birth of The Geekultural Experience actually spun-off of a group that I helped create called The Geeks of the IWV.  The group was formed as a way to help my friend cope with the death of her son, and it’s done fairly well. While The Geekultural Experience started on Facebook, it seems to have a better following on Twitter. I find that I get the news on Twitter so much easier more readily than Facebook.

While I enjoy my these brands and they fill a very different aspect of my life, the one I’m most looking forward to picking up is my film company, Luckey Bom Films. It’s more because I would love to have them all to be more equal then they are, but I’m sure this will get there at some point. It’s hard trying to keep things sorted out, and each get more attention, at different times when the focus can shift to what’s taking the more precedence at the time.

What would you like to see me talk about? Is there anything you think could help take my brands to another level? Leave a comment, and let’s start a dialogue, I’d love to interact and get feed back on the things I’m doing. After all, criticism is just a tool for improvement. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Fix That Motivation With Time

I have been off of the nightshift for two weeks now, and I can’t say how much happier I am. It felt like the last six-months has been nothing but a dream. I am aware that I did some things, but I felt like I was in a fog for most of the time. My days were filled with zombified waling around.

I think part of the problem was that the night shift made me feel a bit lonely. I was reduced to being in bed with my wife for only two nights a week. There wasn’t many people coming through where I was stationed at night, and the night’s that I got the easiest post, I would begin to feel even more secluded. At least I could generally get in my steps with no problems.

Now that I have hours that the normal, sane, living person has, I am getting more of my creative flow back. I’ve been writing more than I had been in the last six months, and my mind is on fire with creativity and ideas to get things back on track. So, I’m back to providing content, and life is feeling good again.

There were things that I was thankful for about night shift though. The weather was over all cooler, and being back in one-hundred-degrees-plus during the day time reminded me of that. Oh and the fact that the earthquakes happened at that time. I don’t think I would have wanted to deal with the amount of people trying to get access to places they couldn’t because of the damage.

Getting back on track of things though, I’m thankful that there are people who do like the night shift. They are a special breed of people that thrive there, and I’m just not one of them. I mean I did well enough, but I just found that it wasn’t my cup of tea.

I’m finding that getting into the full swing of being on a normal shift seems to be taking me a bit longer than I expected to adjust, however I do know how resilient I can be. The 10,000 steps I take, seem to be a bit of a struggle to get too in the heat, but I know that it will be worth it in the end.

The shift in my mindset has been noticeable, as I’m working almost constantly to get more content out. If I’m not actually doing it, I seem to be thinking about it. My sleep patterns have gotten so much better. There really is something to be next to the person that I’ve spent almost half of my life with. I sleep better, and she sleeps better. Even my dog sleeps better.

With that being said, while I’ve had some set backs on getting the big content I wanted out. I have made the steps necessary to get that moving. We did some test shots last night as a part of getting ready to film our short. Re-writes are underway as I continue to work on getting the script ready to shoot. I’m just glad that I’m getting that motivation back to get things done.

I’m not sure if the night shift was conducive with my mental health, but I did learn so much about myself while being on there, and my appreciation for the people I deal with has grown. I’ve gotten so many reactions about not being seen for six months or more, and it makes me feel good to know that I was missed.

Sometimes I feel like I don’t make much of a difference in people’s lives, but then the reactions tell me otherwise. It reminds me of when I was in a darker mindset that if I wasn’t around, then nobody would miss me. I don’t actually think that way anymore because of all the praises and comments I get on a daily basis. Getting called an inspiration does feel good, and being able to reach out a helping hand has built in a new confidence in me.

The biggest thing that I can say about walking away from night shift is that I realized that I learned a part of my job that wasn’t likely to get too during the day shift and if that skill even needed to be applied during the busy hours, I could accomplish that aspect of the job.

Things have been set in motion and I can only look forward from here on out, I don’t ever think I will volunteer to go back on night shift, however if something was to force me onto it, I think I would survive it just fine.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Shifting Gears And Shifts: Better Days Ahead

So I finally am free of the night shift at work. It was a great experience, and I’m glad I did it, however it seemed to keep me in a zombified state for the last six months. To be quite honest, I felt like there was what seemed like a pause on life for awhile being on this shift.

It’s funny that as I got towards the end of my time on the night shift, I started to feel like I was starting to finally get the hang of it, and now I have to adjust to the fact that I’m back on a reasonable schedule again. I had done many days of staying up for over twenty-four hours to spend time with the family, and I’m glad that won’t have to happen again.

Truth is this: The hours were easy, the part I didn’t like was that it would take me away from being home at night with the family. After being with the same woman for over eighteen years, it was hard to only spend two-nights a week in the same bed with her there. It made it difficult for my children to stay quiet while “daddy” slept. Otherwise, it was easy.

Now that I got that out of the way, let’s get to the points that this blog is about, mental health and weight loss. Sometimes, it leans more towards one than the other, but I’m going to adjust to both tonight.

I could easily get in my 10,000 steps in a night, and even get an additional 10,000 before the shift was over. The weather was cooler, and I had a lot of time to myself to work on my physical condition. I picked up on doing about one-hundred wall push-ups a night, and it kept me busy. I would often leave at the end of my shift physically tired from the cardio and strength training. This part was the simplest of the job, I got to learn skills that I hadn’t had the chance to work on before, and so I know it added to my capabilities as a worker.

Now, there were nights that I had even less contact with people, and there were a few times that my thoughts would go to insecure places. It happened a few times, but at least I was able to work through those moments. The best thing was that I was doing my best to keep busy, both mind and body.

Quick Disclaimer: I felt like it had been a long time since I actually wrote substance, and I want to give better details on what’s been going on.

I had to pass a physical agility test at work in April, this I know that I’ve stated, however I hadn’t really talked about where that was going to take me. I had passed and I started to make moves to get myself a promotion. Within the last couple of weeks, I was able to have an interview, and it looks promising. I’m not going to say that I nailed all the questions that I had been asked, but I feel that I did okay. I feel that I was able to competently get through the gauntlet of questions, and show that I would be capable of the said position that I’m  trying for.

I’ve had friends and co-workers ask if I knew anything about getting the job, an I don’t know yet. I suppose that I will be finding out here in a couple of weeks how I did. Hell, I might just see if I can run into one of the decision makers, and see if they could at least give me a hint on the progress there.

A mental health win is the fact that I’ve never felt so supported in achieving a better position as I do now. I’ve come to discover that I have some of the best co-workers that I’ve ever had in the eleven-plus years doing my job. As a matter of fact, it was at the suggestion of more than one co-worker that I actually would be good in a higher standing position at work, and that was part of what motivated me to try and get to that next step.

Now, I’m finding challenges adjusting to my job with this 100-plus degree heat, and the fact that I work outside most of the time, trying to get those steps in. I know that I have to reacclimatize to the hottest part of the day, but I also feel better having a more busy pace at work. It helps the work week go by so quickly.

At least pushing through the heat is helping my steps give me more of a sweat! Mentally I feel better seeing people that I’ve talked to for years at my job, and I’m pumped for the changes that should be coming my way.

I will be pushing out far more content with the blogs, vlogs, and various other things that I work on. I’m back and ready to be here for you all. With that, this is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Goals

This week, turned into something quite amazing with the amount of progress that’s been made this week. The things I set out to do a few years ago are starting to pay off.

Just like anything else in life, you should strive to achieve your goals. As my readers know, I have a film production company, and with that I’m excited to announce that we have moved onto pre-production for our next feature. Unexpected Side Trip has been something we’ve been working towards getting out of development since last year. It’s going to be the first time we work on a thriller. To be honest, this wasn’t really somewhere I ever thought I was going to go as a storyteller.

I had the realization yesterday that every project I’ve done has taught me a valuable lesson. When we started out doing brief thirty-second clips it was more of getting familiar with the operations, but when we finally progressed to do Appreciate What You’ve Got(2017) we learned what it was like to actually do a production. It was a huge learning experience since we’d never casted actors, and I never actually ran a crew before. It was the first time getting our feet wet in doing films.

Nash Gray(2017) was the first time I creatively collaborated with someone on a story. I did and will always appreciate my friend Ed Smith for giving me some wonderful characters to work with, and I thank him for taking up the mantel of Nash Gray. The biggest lesson I took way from this was learning what an actual production felt like. We worked on filming for a month, and far less of the duties actually fell on me as I had Celeste come in and be the cinematographer. The fact that she had experience in that department, allowed me to be a director, and that was my sole role. It was refreshing, and it reassured me that being a director was what I was meant to do. Dealing with a bigger crew, more locations, and a bigger cast presented its own sets of challenges, and it was fun to have had sets built to help complete the movie at hand.

The Reunion(2019) was by far the easiest of all the shoots. For one thing, I was blessed to have casted two actors who were very professional, and in an environment that favored the most laid back experience ever. It ended up being a script that I based off of one one of my creative writing assignments, and was fun to play around with. The lesson that I had with this project was more about using post effects in Adobe After Effects. While learning a complex program, which I have still yet to even crack the surface, I was able to start a basic animated title sequence, and add effects to the footage itself.

Now we’re pushing through with Unexpected Side Trip and with everything I have planned, I foresee the lesson is going to come in the form of distribution. Getting this out to festivals has always been the main goal since I adapted this from one of Ed’s short stories. We had gotten our location scouting done over the weekend, and I was able to take my son out to meet our contacts and teach him a bit about how to be professional in meetings like this.

Besides doing the film thing, I’ve also been spending time working on the other brands that I’ve created. The Geekultural Experience is getting ready to go to Wonder Con at the end of this week, and we are getting business cards to take and present while we’re out there. It’s exciting because at it is the third and final brand that we started, we’ve got logos designed and being worked on, and looking at what kind of merchandise we’d like to put it on. Pod casting has become the latest part of this brand, and we’re still feeling our way around, and we hope that it will gain more listeners as we go.

Speaking of merchandise, the daddy of all the brands, The CK Project is looking at getting some t-shirts and leggings to be released soon, plus we’re also looking at getting coffee mugs produced as well. I’m so excited as this has brought another level of creativity to my life, and I’ve already had people speak to me of their level of interest in such things. We also started a pod cast, which seems to have been received very well so far, and I’ve got people whom are wanting to get more involved with some of the subject matter that gets presented.

In the end this is all still a very new work in progress, and I can’t wait to see where it all takes me, and my family with the growth that’s been going on. Between all that, and my workouts, I achieved something that I never was sure I would be able too: Not have to deal with depression. I know that’s kind of weird to say, but keeping myself so busy has been the best way to stay away from the negative thoughts. I’ve been focusing more on the weight loss aspect because I don’t feel insecure about things like I used too. I know that it’s still there, just not popping up like it used too.

If you read this, and decide you’d like to know more about what we do, or have something you’d like to hear or see discussed, please feel free to drop a line.

This is the director and that’s a wrap.

Break On Through Past The Plateau Side

Well, I weighed-in Tuesday. I know that I’ve been saying that I’ve been scared to see if I would end up with another weigh-in saying 293. something, but I did it, and I’m glad to report that I moved down another two pounds. I’m down to 291.3 with 138.6 total loss so far.

When the numbers go down on the scale, it’s always a good feeling, and this time it seemed bitter sweet. I realize that it’s not the fantastic numbers that I used to get, but it’s still a hell of a win in my book.

It feels like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Not only that, but Sarah finally had her appointment to see the doctor, and we now have an idea of what it is she’s going through. Crohn’s disease, while not the best news about her health, I had a feeling that was what it probably was, and now we can take the steps forward to treating it. I feel that the rough patch may finally be over.

So in the morning, I will be going in for my eleven month check-up for my weight loss surgery. I can’t believe that it’s been almost a year since I did this thing. It’s crazier to think about how much my life has changed since then. Both physically and mentally, I am in the best spot that I’ve ever been. A journey that will never be regretted.

Stepping up the intensity of my workouts, and getting more consistent steps in for my days is helping me go down in more weight. As of tonight, I’ve done five days of ten thousand steps plus, so I’m feeling really accomplished, and I’m going to try and get at least eight days in a row by the time I’m done.

Now I’m also working on some aspects of my life so that we can really get the brands up and making money. I’m not looking to make a whole lot of money right away, but it would be nice to be able to add at least a couple hundred bucks a month to help invest in other areas in my life.

With that being said, I’m looking to offer other services, as in links to products and services that I would probably support. We’re still in the investigative stages of getting our merchandise off the ground. So the adventure of finding several other avenues of income to help get the dream going is taking some focus currently.  I’m also looking into starting a Patreon for my followers. The marketing part of this business thing gets to be one of the more difficult parts to do.

Thank God that I have my creative side. That seems to be the one thing that seems to make sense in my life. The rest of it is needed to help me get the various projects funded so that I can bring out the highest quality work that I can give everybody.

I’ll update everyone on the results of tomorrow, and this is the Director, and that’s a wrap.

Under 300!!!

I feel great, scratch that, I feel fucking amazing. I went in for my eighth month check-up down in Tarzana yesterday, and weighed in at 299.6. That puts me down 130.3 pounds. Plus, the doctor asked if West Medical could use me as an example, because I seem to be doing everything right. I even told the doctor that I blog about my experiences with the weight loss journey, and my depression, and he thinks that it’s good. He says that it’s best to hear from someone who’s actually gone through the process over having the doctor talk about the science aspect of it.

I find that this is a good way to promote the CK Project brand. This and the fact that we’ll be making our public debut next month at our local parade for September eleventh.  I feel that finally time is starting to really pay off for my presence locally. Hard work pays off, and that is something that has been true for me over the last several years, as I’ve started to embrace that change.

I’ve never been a shy person, and I’ve always liked to talk to people. Now, I’m embracing a side that looks to network, and I’ve been having so much positivity around me that it gets surreal sometimes. I think my insecurities has always been my biggest enemy, and hill to climb. Self doubt will sabotage you every single time. I know that it’s gotten to me and has been very destructive in some of the relationships that I’ve had throughout the years.

Yesterday, I made another revelation: I’m starting to feel that I’m getting the body that I’ve always pictured that I should have. I don’t feel  trapped in the fat body I used to have, and I’m going to keep progressing until I get down to the weight I feel best at. I feel that both my personal and professional relationships are benefiting from this change as well. I interact with people better, and I think that I’ve become a better parent from it as well.

Now that I’m finding my groove again, I’m able to get the creative side flourishing again, and I find that with school starting back up on Tuesday for the kids. Everything’s going to feel different. The year 2018, has been my year. I’ve had so much more with success than I have with failures. Even if I didn’t get that job that I worked hard towards. I figure it was leading somewhere better for me anyway. It’s at the very least pushed me in the direction to start pushing out the content like I wanted too.

I finished my rough cut of my short the other night, so now I’m going to go back into it and trim it up, find a better pacing so that I can throw it into After Effects and add a bit of special effects to it. Than I’ll go back and add the sound, then do a title screen and credits. The Reunion was fun, but I’m looking to film more movies where there’s more movement and action to it. I love this part of my life. It seems to give me a better purpose than I had previously, and the fact that I can share with friends and family is a huge plus.

I’ll have so much more for everyone soon, because we’re investigating another avenue for our brands. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

The Farther I Go

This was a good week for my personal training sessions. I was kicking ass/ getting my ass kicked down with my coach Sam. This was a decent week as I know that next week the kids go back to school, and I’ll be able to put more focus on my mornings before work. The best thing was Tuesday I weighed in at the gym at 302.3 lbs. I know that my weight loss has slowed down, but I’m happy that I’m that much closer to getting too 300 even. That puts me at 137.6 lbs down so far. It’s amazing to see how far I’ve come in such a short time.

Tomorrow, I have my eighth month check-up and I’m excited to get it down. It’s crazy to think that this year as flown by so fast. I’ve grown so much, hell I think I hit another level in maturity with this as well. I look back and can’t begin to really think about how I let myself get out of control with my life. So, the surgery gave me another chance at life, and I wish I would have been that strong many years ago.

Ego is being replaced with real confidence, and I can’t begin to tell people how humbled I’ve become with the out pouring of support. The weight loss has shown me the kind of people I have in my life, and I’m so thankful for the words of encouragement. As a matter of fact, I was informed this week that The CK Project is going to be marching with our local Parade of a Thousand Flags. I’m glad that Sarah’s pushing to get the brand out, and I’ve got people who’d like to march along our side, and show their support to what the project stands for. Some of them are people that I’ve motivated to change their lives…again, it’s a humbling experience.

This week was productive as I had the chance to finish up a rough cut of the short film we shot last weekend. It is most defiantly short, but it was so much fun to do. I’m blessed to have an amazing crew, and cast. Plus this is the job I was built for, I can tell because I’m happy doing this stuff.

I think that while we start pre-production on the next film project, it’s going to give us some extra time to relaunch and present Luckey Bom Films in a bit of a more organized manner. There are so many wonderful things that we’ve become involved with, especially in the last month or so. This is going to lead to a beautiful and powerful documentary. That’s just another type of project I can’t wait to try my hand at. The last short documentary didn’t go as well as I had hoped it would, but so far everyone who may be involved looks to be excited to talk about the what the film will be about, and yes, I’m keeping it a bit closer to the chest at the moment. I assure you that we’re going to bringing attention to a movement. Through this, I’m making a new and enlightening set of friends.

As I sit here tonight, I feel accomplished. Not that it’s unusual for me, but the fact that I’ve had so many distractions lately, that even getting in productive work seems to be a challenge at times. I’m not feeling depressed, but I know that there’s been a lot that’s keeping my focus else where. With almost normalcy coming back to my life next week. I’ll be able to get more focused on the tasks at hand. Just like editing tonight, and the little bit I was able to do earlier this week, I really do enjoy it. I know that once we get started on Unexpected Side Trip, that’s going to be a bit of a process, because it’s the biggest script that I’ve had the opportunity so far. This is the one that we need to have a budget on; it’s going to be a long, wonderful project. This is the start of wanting to get my films into festivals. Now, I feel that I’m ready to take this to the professional level, and there’s no going back. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

The Weekend Get-Away

Before Sarah and I left to go on our anniversary get-away, I did weigh in and discovered that I had lost one -point-six-pounds since my last two-week weigh in. I’m currently sitting at 307.1 pounds. While that doesn’t seem like a huge difference, at least it’s a loss, and if we take my weigh-in at the doctor’s, that would be about a three pound difference… but hey, who’s counting.

While we were spending our weekend in Kernville, I was noticing the housing market, and the businesses for rent. It got me to thinking of things that I could try and get into. Videography is only one of the things I was thinking about possibly trying to get going up there. I love the area, and the water at Lake Isabella is beautiful. That’s what a lot of our discussion was about. There are ideas, that we need to research out before making decisions or any announcements, but it was exciting to get the ideas flowing. I do also know that I think I want to write and film a movie involving the area.

This was an adventurous weekend. I got my ten thousand steps in all three days we were there. Having been up there because of a close friend many times, it was nice to actually explore and try out restaurants and diners that we hadn’t tried before. The whole time we were thinking about how our foodie of a son would like those places. Good food, just a bit too greasy in some aspects, but the breakfast asada tacos where amazing on Sunday.

This last weekend’s get away was exactly what I needed. To be honest, I haven’t been very motivated for anything lately, and this was the perfect reset button that I needed. Sarah needed it as well. It’s beautiful when all you have to do is be in the presence of the person who has your heart. I don’t think I spoke so much, but looked at her. She’s amazing, she puts up with me, and she actually loves me. Who could believe such a thing like that existed?

I think the best part of the weekend was after our first long day, we binged watched the Netflix series Glow. I mean, I loved the first season, but I just couldn’t stop watching season two. I love the eighties feel, and the story behind the scenes for the all-female wrestling promotion. It was very entertaining, and brought up some subjects that are valid by today’s standards. Alison Brie, is just so much fun to watch.

I know that I’m everywhere tonight, but the weekend was great, and now I’m back to being able to focus on the present, and get things moving again. Well, I think that’s about it for now. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

“Fat Tuesday”

Everything’s been going well; I’ve lost some weight, and I’ve been feeling better than I have in years, however, I did have a fat day yesterday. No, I didn’t gorge myself on food, and I don’t think I started retaining water, but I just felt like I was fat yesterday. I know that it comes occasionally with the territory, I mean, I’ve not had this much success in losing weight and it takes time to convince my brain to realize that I’m not fat. It’s funny how the mind places tricks like that.

Could it have been from the heat? Maybe it was because I was up early, and I wasn’t completely functioning when I got dressed. All I know is that I had a day of feeling fat. It’s odd that I felt that way yesterday, and yet today I feel pretty damn good about myself. As a matter of fact, I’ll up that ante and say that I feel like my three x shirt was a bit bigger on me than I thought it would be. I’ll take that win.

I’m getting ready to have a wrench thrown into my life by having to change my schedule at work. So, I’m shifting to the swing shift, which would put me at a one pm to eleven pm time frame. The best part is that I won’t have to wake up at four in the morning: at least for the next six months. That is either until we have to change schedules again, or I get that ever hopeful other job.

This puts me in a difficult place as to where my life is right now. I spend most of the afternoon and evening with the kids, and then we do my personal training sessions, and I also assist with the kid’s grappling class. I find that I’ve been enjoying playing “couch” to help develop the youngsters, as they grow as a team and individuals. Yes, the biased part of me, loves to watch my own kids participate, and interact with them as well.

Another issue that this might present, is the fact that I just finally casted The Dialogue and we’ll need to get some meetings so that we can get the script and the chemistry down. I’m really excited by this because I had to do the whole casting process with minimal help. I do like to work with my team on these decisions, but I was okay filling in the role on this project, and doing the final decision calls, wasn’t bad. Everybody who tried out, brought something that got me thinking of other ways to utilize these talents in other projects, and I look forward to working with each of those who didn’t make it in another project.

I also found myself with the opportunity to recruit another member into the crew. This individual, I actually met on a movie set as we were both extras in a low-budget sci-fi movie. We got to know each other a bit over the weekend we spent on set, and geeked out about comics(what a surprise, right?). He had said that he had wanted to have his own indie company, but I beat him to it. I replied with the fact that we’ve been looking to expand for the last few months, and I’ll find somewhere to apply his talents.

I’m not going to lie, I had a week of where I wasn’t exactly motivated to get much done as a creative individual, and that’s okay, because I’m back, baby! I’ve got that motivation back and I’m going to be working on several things. I love the things I do, it brings a since of peace that I need.

Before I end this blog, I want to give a huge, HUGE shout out to my friend Terri Peterson. She does a blog called MY BARIATRIC JOURNEY, and she’s been accepted to have the weight loss surgery. I’ve known her for about nine months, and we’ve shared in each other’s successes. I’m proud of her, and glad that we became friends. If you’re curious, I suggest checking out her blog, as it is very personal and heart felt.

So much is going on, and I can’t wait to see where things take me. This is the Director, and that is a wrap.

A Half Year Out

So today marks my six month anniversary of having the gastric sleeve. I came home not feeling well today, and I wasn’t sure what it was, but I slept it off, so I guess it wasn’t anything too serious. I don’t think that it was the heat, but the pain in my stomach wouldn’t allow me to breath in the vest that I was wearing at work.

It’s a time to reflect on what I’ve learned from the last six months: The first of many is the fact that I’ve learned to love myself again. Self image is something that can affect your psyche, and when you hate the way you look, it brings down your self-esteem. I’ll be the first to admit that presenting myself with an ego and larger than life personality has been the way I’ve over compensated for my own self-esteem.

Secondly, I’ve discovered how humbled I’ve become by the response of my weight loss.  I’m proud of the fact that I’ve lost 114.7 pounds so far, but when people say how they have to do a double take to recognize me, that makes me feel good. I’ve also come to realize that each person’s journey in life is different than one another. I think too many times people, myself included, find themselves comparing their lives to others. For example, better employment, that seems to have been given to someone else. How people can eat anything and stay skinny.

I think that in these moments, is our defining moment. Do we let the bitterness and jealously define who we are as people, or do we learn to appreciate the voyage to get us to where we are in life? I’ve spent so much negative energy idolizing others, and I’ve discovered that I shouldn’t. I’m a survivor, and I’m not sure everyone has it in them to be strong like that.

I’ve also learned that helping others keeps being affirmed with each interaction I have with people. Helping others is a wonderful experience, and success in others gives me a sense of accomplishment. I’m sure that the CK Project is where I’m going to find my biggest purpose in life. Yet, I still plan on making movies, so the drive is to continue to multi-task for as long as possible.

With the recent news of the suicides of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, I’m reminded that depression and loneliness go hand in hand. People have stated, that they don’t understand why someone would take their own lives, since they seemed “normal” before they took their own lives. From my own experience, when in that state of mind, it’s hard to express, and “it’s feeling lonely in a room full of people”. Even when feeling that way, it’s hard to express the need for help. Many times, that demon is hard to battle as it often times seems like it’s a one persona struggle.

The need for help is often there, but hard to figure out where to turn for help. I was fortunate to get that help before it’s was too late. Had I not, I would have taken my life. The result of that help is in the contents of these blogs. I’ve become more driven, and I’m finding success in life. Plus, I’m connecting with people on a level I’ve never attempted before.

Self-investment, was a key role in helping me discover myself, and the potential is infinite. Don’t let other’s define who you are; you can always improve, and it’s never too late.

I’ve also realized that I’m almost fitting in a 2x shirt. That’s a great accomplishment as that seems to be the biggest size in most stores. I’ve been eyeing some shirts that I’d like to eventually fit myself into at some of the more mainstream stores. My style of baggy clothes have started to change. I’m no longer hiding my body in overly sized clothing, and I’m finding nicer things to wear. Sarah says that she likes it, so I think that decision is a keeper.

It’s incredible how far I’ve come on my journey of self-acceptance, and my personal growth is going farther than I expected. I look forward to having you continue to follow this journey of mine. I hope you reach out and network with me, perhaps we’ll find a bond that will benefit the both of us. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.