Outside’s Gonna Melt Your Face, But I’m Feeling Fine.

The summer heat is cooking, and with this weather last year everyday felt like the scene from Raiders of the Lost Art,  in where the Nazi’s open the Ark of the Covenant, and their faces melt off. However, I’ve come prepared more for the heat this year then I have been in the past several years. Where being on the job in years past, my back would be a sweaty water fall, it’s now just a trickle. I do still think that the heat sucks, but at least I don’t feel like I’m about to die everyday.

I did my two week weigh–in on Friday, and discovered myself down another three-point-one pounds. I’ve discovered that that’s about what I’ve been averaging for the last few months, is about three to four pounds every two weeks. That’s not bad considering that one to two pounds a week is what would be classified normal. Looking at pants sizes of the biggest at fifty-four, and looking at the waist of a forty-two, is a big difference.

That brings my total down one hundred-twenty-one-point-two pounds. I joke and say that I’ve lost my wife in weight. It’s about true, and I’m good with that. I still get those moments of being nervous of being caught in a stall. Especially since the hundred-plus weather isn’t helping my motivation at all. I also went for a walk on Thursday after work, and discovered that I had burnt the top of my head on the walk.36329976_2091643187757945_3984035268909858816_o

I took the above picture on my phone on that Thursday around six-thirty in the evening. I like how the shadows give a bit of a serious look. As I walk, I think about anything and everything. I realized that this is my meditation, as I’m always in my head when I walk. I guess you could say that this is my time at “church”. A time where I have conversations with God. I know that it gives me the chance to just walk, and not think about the physical activity that I’m doing.

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This is the best I’ve felt in a long time. I took this for my weigh-in update photo for the social media. When I saw the scale read three-hundred-eight-point-seven pounds, it’s truly a great feeling. I haven’t been this light, since my oldest child was born, and that was seventeen years ago. The changes, both physically and mentally are incredible. My body is getting closer to my self-image.

It’s incredible to think that as I get ever closer to my fortieth year in life, that I have finally taken control back of who I am. It feels that I let most of my twenties and thirties kind of keep me down, and dictate my uncontrollable self. A feeling of helplessness and hatred for the decisions that I was making. I was lashing out at myself because I let myself get a certain way. I have that control now. I’m not letting life pass me by. I’m finding that strength and happiness that I deserve as a person.

Speaking of goals, I have a few updates about the other parts of my life. One, we are almost ready to go full ahead and film our short The Reunion, that’s the official title of what was previously known as The Dialogue. I’m excited to be working with the casted individuals, as one of them has worked with me, and for me in other projects before. Plus the new blood joining us really seems to be like a good guy as well. I can’t wait to get started so that we can get this one in the “can” and continue on with the other things we’re planing on doing.

The other news, is related to the Geekultural Experience. I’ve been talking to a writer on Tumblr about checking out his Manga and this will be one of those I’ll do a review on for my geek media. I think this is the start of something that could help boost his, and our brands together and I look forward to seeing what other connections that I’ll be doing through the various platforms of social media.

As a reflection of the what’s going on in my personal life: My oldest child will be seventeen years old this Wednesday, and I’m both proud, and surprised by this fact. She’s grown into a beautiful person, and she’s made me very proud of the accomplishments that she’s set for herself. She also makes me feel incredibly old because she is turning seventeen, but I look forward to spending the day with her and watching the fireworks, because she shares the day with the birth of our country’s independence.

Well, this is the Director with another blog, and that’s a wrap.

Superhero Shirt Day: The Birth of Something Bigger

Oh boy, where to even begin? Damn, I can’t believe that it’s been over a year since the world lost a big geek. James, I see or talk to your parents almost daily, and I know that they miss you more than ever. You left a huge hole in the lives that you impacted, and things wouldn’t be the same. It was good to know you kid.

Tomorrow is your birthday, you would have been twenty years old. I think you would be proud of the things that are being done in your name. There’s so much that I personally wish I could have shared with you, and I think the things that Sarah and I have done with your parents, would have gotten you excited to join in with as well.

Your birthday day has become a day to remember the parents who have lost a child, and I’ve had the unfortunate experience to see it happen to a few people I know, but their children are honored with you. Thank you for being a bigger light then anyone could have ever thought you would be.

Superhero Shirt Day brought along the birth of the Geeks of The IWV, and it has really brought people together. I never expected this to become such a big part of my life, hell, I’m producing content with its own channel because of the Geeks. It really fills that passionate side of me. Thank you Kim for letting me run with the Geeks on Geek concept, it’s something that I’ve been wanting to do for a long time, and I think James would have loved this concept too.

The Geeks of The IWV was something I agreed to start because I thought it would help my co-creator coupe, and it’s seemed to have given her that, and given her more. It’s even given me more than I thought I would have dreamed of. I knew that I was heading towards this anyway as an avenue that I wanted to pursue, but its also given me inspiration to create content with the other geeks that I know, and I can’t wait to start producing more content in the name of the Geeks.

So, to my followers on WordPress, Facebook, and Twitter, I ask that you wear something with a superhero as a shirt, or even something geeky, to help support this day. Help honor the parents of the lost children, and fly the geek flags high in the air. Happy twentieth James, we love you, and hope you’re smiling down upon those who honor your memory. This is the director, and with geeky pride, I’m calling this a wrap.

Messed Up Parenting, and Experience is a Bitch!

Some people try to be a perfect parent…. I mean it should be easy right? Television and movies make it look…almost too easy.  I think the most interesting experience is raising yourself, also called the parents curse.  Remember when mom and dad said, your child is going to be just like you?  Yeah, it’s happened, and it is frustrating.  All we can do is try our best to raise our children with love and care, and then get told we’re wrong, just to be proven right….later.

I’m not a perfect parent, and although it’s a learning process, the best we can do is try and do our best, and hope that we didn’t fuck up enough in the end. Don’t get me wrong, I might miss times when they were younger and innocent, but I feel the best goal is to raise decent people and hope they succeed in the world.  That’s all a parent can actually hope for.

So, I think I’m funny, and I thought having little people with my sense of humor would be hilarious, instead I realized that I raised assholes. Not that they are the kind to steal lunch money or beat someone up, but they mess with people. The sad part is that as a parent, I feel guilty of the fact that it is kind of funny, but at the same time it make me reflect on the kind of person I am. Sadly, the kind of sense of humor I have, does make me an asshole. At least I’m somewhat likable, then there’s the grey area of as you get to know me, is that humor worth it?

I want my kids to grow up and realize that I love them with all my heart, and though I’ve made mistakes, I hope they know that I’ve always wanted what was best for them. Sometimes, I don’t think people appreciate what family they have. I for one, don’t seem to have the best relationship with most of my family. I get along with my parent’s just fine, but I have a very different perspective on life then my cousin’s and grandparents do. I guess that makes me a black sheep, but I’m not afraid to be different.

The hardest part about being a parent is watching another version of you growing up before your eyes. The same depression, the same frustrations, and with things different with today’s society.  You can’t give the advice that got you through those tough times of bullies, and self loathing. You want to help, you want to make it better, but nothing you do is right, and in the end, you just can’t seem to relate.

This brings the most frustrating part of being a parent to light, the child knows everything, and the parent doesn’t. God, I remember when I knew everything and when I was invincible. To be able to have that mindset again, but then you gain the wisdom of not knowing everything and pride be damned, you’re not always right.

“No  child, I don’t say this to make you feel bad, or stupid,” “I do this to enlighten you, because I care, because I don’t want you to make the same mistakes that I made.”  That’s all anyone can do, be there for their children, and support them. At some point, you can’t protect them forever. All you can do is give them tools to work with and hope that it’s enough to get them through this cold and cruel world.

Sometime remind them that you love your child, but also remind them that the world has no love for them.  While you’ve protected them, warn them that the world isn’t there for their protection. This place is ugly, and all you can do is try and be that piece of beauty in this place.

For my children: Autumn, Christopher, and Lily, I love you and hope that I’ve taught you something that you can use as a torch to light the way.  You are good children, and I’ll always support you.

This is the Director and that is a wrap.

Sixteen Years and How the Hell Is This Working?!?

So, yesterday was my sixteenth year being married to Sarah, and instead of the usual love note of how great I think she is, I think I’m going to reflect on the experience on how I survived the same person putting up with my mischievous ways. I hope this shows a how our bond works, and helps show others that it’s possible to do.

First on the list is communication, yes it’s cliche, but it’s also the truest fact in making anything work.  If you’re not going to talk about what bothers you, then how’s it going to get fixed?  All the bottled up feelings do is cause bitterness, and that’s not positive progress.  Honest communication is the only way to go.  If you don’t like something, say it. If you do like something also say it.  Too many people are negative in this world as it is.  Showing your partner that you appreciate the things they do, is a great way to say I love you.

Secondly, have a sense of humor. I realize this might sound strange to some people, but laughter is the best medicine and a great way to enjoy each others company.  Sarah will say that it’s my fault that she has all the laugh lines on her face, but I guess that’s what you get when you marry someone with a strong sense of humor.  Besides laughing’s always a fun time.

Third in this list is sex.  There is a bond between a couple who enjoy the physical contact that they share.  I’m not going into the science, but there are plenty of articles about the benefits in sex.  Yes, it feels good, and yes, it does help you relax, but it’s always great to bring you and your partner back together as one, maybe that’s why orgasm’s also referred as the big O? One, orgasm…something to ponder.

Now it gets to the more tricky parts of a union.  You’re going to fight, and do it many times throughout your journey, that’s just a fact, people have opinions, and sometimes those opinions are assholes about it.  At some point if you look at the arguments, you realize that most of the time, their over petty little things, but they do generate the most heat.  It’s the bigger fights that get concerning.  I know that there have been times that I’ve wanted to call it quits, but if you can endure the rough times, you can make it.

When being in a relationship as  long as I have, you really do get to know the person, and in my case, I know my wife, inside and out. Sad part is that isn’t even a cliche or a joke.  We went through some rough pregnancies together and I’ve seen her insides.  Ultra sounds, X-rays, you name it, and I’ve seen it.  I’m thankful that we made it through those times, and have two great children. They are a pain in the ass, but I love them regardless.

Speaking of children, this will move on to the next point.  You have a partnership, either marriage, civil, domestic, etc… and some times you have kids. When child rearing, you really need to be on the same page, or total chaos. Mom says no, dad says yes, then you have kids swinging from the ceiling fan in total anarchy.  Really, get on the same page, then the kids don’t get away with their evil ways, which also doesn’t lead by to my point from two paragraphs ago, about fighting.  And yes, there will be plenty arguments about the kids along the way.

A convenience that should be on the list of things you should have, two bathrooms.  I know that not everyone has that, as we don’t currently, but I live with three girls, and with my son and I, dude, we could use that extra bathroom.  With bathrooms, people also start to see the less pleasant habits of the partner.  The tooth paste being squeezed from the middle(you monster), hair in the sink, clothes strung everywhere, the list can go on.  I’ve learned to leave the toilet seat down after I’m done, as not to get into an argument.  It makes life easier to give that one to her that way.

I hope you’re finding things insightful, or at least entertaining so far, because there is so much more to talk about, like responsibility.  When you have a relationship, mine being close to seventeen years together, you learn that the best way to work is to help each other. Build your partner up, support their passions, in the end they chose you to spend their lives with. I don’t know how the hell this woman, who is beautiful, supportive, caring, strong, and talented, would ever pick up this average, egotistical, loud, foul mouthed person to want to stick around for such a long amount of time.  She builds me up, and supports my crazy ideas.  I try to support her, but I faulter in my own arrogance.  I do try to support her. She like photography, and wants to do that for the rest of her life, and I try to support that.

The other ugly truth, nothing is equal.  Truth is, she has physical things that calls on her demand, remember the rough pregnancies?  They took a toll.  I have mental illness that also takes special demands.  Then we have kids that have their needs as well.  So nothing is equal, and you have to just except that.  Cliche- mother is care taker and father is disciplinarian. Where’s the equality in that? Mother stays home and takes care of the kids, and father works, where’s the equality in that?  Just except that having a relationship and family isn’t something that ends up being equal.  Sure there are times that the dynamic changes a little, but in my family, mom is needed for everything, and dad is the protector.

One more thing, that I forgot to mention earlier- if you find someone that you might want to possibly start a life with, don’t rush the family part.  Sarah and I got together, and Autumn wasn’t that far behind, so almost our whole relationship has been as parents. I wouldn’t change it, and to be honest, I’ve got the most awesome parents who’ve given us the chance to have time so that we can just be a couple. So, spend time being a couple, learn each other, see if that’s who you truly want to spend the rest of your life with. Once children come into play, everything changes. I know couples who rushed into the family part, and as the kids have grown up and moved out of the house, the parents don’t know how to be a couple.  That’s why communication, honesty, knowing that person is important for a successful relationship. While children are a blessing, they become the main focus while they are young, and sometimes people forget how to be a couple.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.