Keep It Going

So, this week I have my six month appointment. Six months ago, I changed my life, and I have no regrets on the journey this has taken me on. I think that my ego is slowly being replaced by actual confidence, and I’m constantly being humbled by the fact that people are noticing and complementing me on the progress that I’ve made. This week, I have to complete the 10k goal everyday this week.

I think that the heat has caused that task to play tricks on me, and not motivated me to get those steps every night. However, I really want to go into my weigh in with a high note. It’s funny that six months ago, I wouldn’t have ever imagined where my life would be at the moment. Now, I’ve gotten my family involved with the action as they have been trying something new to find a better way to balance themselves physically, and hopefully mentally.

I’ve had to finally figure out what it was that we were going to do for projects this weekend. It was strange to be on the phone for hours, and that it would cause my biceps to cramp. I do feel that things are finally taking off in the right direction. As a matter of fact, I’m doing a bit of location scouting on Thursday. I’m hoping that it works out, and can’t wait to get the ball rolling.

The fact that I’m keeping things going forward, shows how I’ve grown as a person. I remember not having the drive to do anything, and I’m not like that anymore. I did take yesterday off from everything. I keep getting reminded to not push myself too hard, and it was nice to actually have a weekend, where I wasn’t distracted by things that would take away from my goals.

I think the biggest struggle that I’ve been feeling is the aura of doubt, I know that I’m my worst enemy when it comes to success or the potential success. Sometimes, I feel that amongst the people that surround me, but it’s always good to get it straightened out so that we can progress in a positive manor.

I’m feeling a bit more accomplished from the weekend. I’m hoping that things keep going up, and I have a personal training session. So, this is the director and that’s a wrap.

A Week Until Four Months

I have about a week until my four month check up. Damn what a ride this year has been already, as a matter of fact, my size forty-six waist size us getting too big for me. With that comes the fact that I’ve been so busy, and I’ll admit that I kind of slacked off this week. After the craziness of con weekend, I think I deserved a bit of rest. As I sit here, I’m thinking about a conversation I had with my friend Curtis, and the fact that I thought after school I would have a bit of time off for relaxation….

Relaxation, what a load of shit that turned out to be. Not that life going full force isn’t fun, I just thought that I’d have a bit of time to chill during the weekends. Looking at this weekend, it was nice to have a moment to enjoy and sleep in my own bed without doing much, and that was the point, but looking at the rest of the month I have one out of four weekends free, and then I’ve committed to spend time with some of the most awesome people and watch a movie. I’m looking forward to that, as some time to relax with good people.

Keeping busy at least keeps me active. Friday we head one direction for some business, and then on Saturday we have to head in the opposite direction for my four month check up. Plus I’m adding to my weekly routine with my personal trainer this week(hopefully). I have some freelance business to do. I have a conference call tomorrow, I’m excited to see how that is going to turn out.

I’m also busy with some overtime this month at the regular job, and realizing that I have to work the weekend of  Avengers: Infinity War isn’t exactly the thing I wanted on my plate. Especially since I’ve been eager for this movie for two years, but the next weekend will get my money for sure.

Let’s get back to the weight loss journey at hand, while I haven’t weighed myself this week, because of my appointment on Saturday, I feel like I’m down a few more pounds. I saw a friend this weekend, and she told me that I looked so different since the last time she saw me. Again, that’s always a great confidence boost.

It’s funny that the closer I get to being at the -100 pound mark, the more determined I feel about loosing the weight. I figured that over all I have to lose between 220-240 to be at the ultimate goal. As an adult, if I would have been asked, I wouldn’t have ever dreamed of it being a reality, but no shit, this is happening. I’m cranking up the motivation again this week as I’m going to be hitting those 10k steps several times over this week.

Again, this all depends on what all happens to me this week, as with having to get in a couple of hours in for late night overtime at some point, this week? Plus the freelance meetings that I have, then the traveling out of town for a couple of days. There really isn’t enough hours in the day anymore. Yet I will prevail!

One of the things I’ve been doing since graduation is that I’ve been job searching, and I’ve added blogger, and health and wellness to the experience. I love how life is giving me the experience that I need to be better in the professional world.

So, my advice for anyone who seems to be unmotivated or unsure of what they want to do, or where they want to be; all I can say is that it get easier. I remember that after I had my surgery, 10,000 steps seemed so hard to reach. As a matter of fact, I could barely get to 5,000. You’ve seen the stats, you’ve read about the journey. It gets easier, and once you figure that out. You’ll notice when you start to slack. Remember that the biggest trick to weight loss is the fact that it’s a mental game. Keep it there, because once you do. The physical part becomes so much easier. Remember the old cliche: Mind over matter. No shit! It’s true, and that’s the reason I’ve been so successful in this journey. The positivity, the motivation, all of it was my choice.

Reach inside yourself and find that which is going to motivate you. It took me to feel like I was almost dying to take control of my life, and there isn’t anything I regret by doing the surgery. At the same time, I’m not going to lie, it takes work. Sure the weight starts to melt off and you get this false sense of confidence that it’ll be a cake walk. I think that’s why there are those who still fail, even after the surgery, but get that mind right, and tell yourself that you are in control, and make procrastination your bitch. In the end, you’ll thank yourself for the determination.

For too long, I let my depression, keep hold of me. Taking the time to change the way I think was one of the best things I’ve ever done. Now I rarely have a bad day. Even those days, aren’t so bad. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Phase Two And A Growth Spurt

A continuation of the last blog…ish: Man what a weekend this turned out to be. As I mentioned visiting the campus of the Los Angeles Film School, I learned a lot from that visit, and I’ve been trying to apply it ever since. So far, my film resume has been updated, though I’m still waiting to hear what my advisor has to say on that, and I updated my LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/christopher-keeling-b57a7313a, just in case…you know if you want to check it out, maybe try and make a professional connection.

Saturday is the day that most of you have come to follow because, of my weight loss journey, well I lost another 2.3 pounds which brings my weight too 343.2 with a total loss of 86.7 pounds of fatty tissue. I’m so close to getting to that one hundred pound mark, and I’ll be there before you know it. Which also brings me to another bit of good news. I can fully workout again. My gastric doctor said that I can get into full workout mode, which I’m working with a friend, who’s going to become my trainer. This is someone I’ve known a long time, and I have faith will kick start my metabolism even faster. I look forward to that challenge.

So, let’ move forward to Sunday’s adventure. I’ve been working with this older gentleman named Philip Weinstein, he’s eighty-one, and has had a life as a producer and lighting guy in Hollywood. I was introduced to him by way of my friend and former drama teacher Janis. Philip has spirit, and at the age of eighty-one has decided that he wants to be a boxer. He’s considered the oldest un-ranked amateur boxer in the United States. He’s got personality for sure.

So, through him, I’ve gotten to meet and get to know his coach Antoine Hood, who’s also a nice guy, who looks like Luke Cage, and most defiantly can kick ass like Luke Cage. Antoine and my trainer friend Sam work together, and that’s kind of how the circle of reacquainting with old friends took place, but before I lose track. Philip has hired me not only to be his videographer, but his social media presence.

It’s funny how my love of acting has brought me to the point of wanting to direct, and that it would lead me to my first paying client. Where I find myself even more lucky is the fact that I’m teaching Philip about modern filmmaking, and he in turn is teaching me about living in the business itself. He’s also a stanch supporter of the CK Project and tells me that he’s happy to see me take my life in a more positive direction.

Is it weird that my first paying client would also become a mentor to me? He’s a great guy, and the experience that I’m gaining is valuable, and his shared knowledge is also worth every minute he’s teaching me something. I wonder what will happen when I start my next free lance project, where that will take me…

So, phase two has really started to lift off the ground, and with so much coming towards me all at once, I’ve not even had a chance to think of where everything is taking me, but I do know that it’s somewhere good. I just feel bad that I can’t seem to carry on a very good conversation through text, because I’m so buy. I know that as March will come to an end, that life might find a bit of normalcy, or maybe this is the new normal. Either way, I’m not complaining. It keeps me busy, and then I don’t even have anytime to be depressed, even though that hasn’t been an issue for a while.

My weight, my health, both physically and mentally, and my life is really starting to line up, and I’m proud of the evolution that my growth has taken, and as I get ready to leave the Film student life behind as I become an alumni, I’m gaining the right tools at the right time, and I’m going to continue to work hard so that I can get the big pay off in the end.

My best friend will be down here from the state of Minnesota in a couple of days. I’m excited because she’s one of the few people who’s been there through the tough times for me. I’m glad that she could be here as I walk down the isle because graduating is an accomplishment. Life is going to get better, day by day. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

That New Feeling

I’ve gotten away from continually playing video games. Part of me feels like it’s a betrayal to the person known as Chris Keeling. Playing video games was my escape from the world, and I let the world pass me by for so long. Sure they have good stories and are a way to kill time, as I still play from time to time, but not like I used too.

My life has become a series of how I can improve myself. With the weight loss journey taking the forefront for the last few months, it’s felt good to push my body to a different and more active level. It feels better to move than it does to just stand, or sometimes sit down. Once I can get cleared to become more active, I’m sure I’m going to find more and various ways to torcher myself into a stronger body, with the help of a friend, who’s also a personal trainer. I will get cut, and look better than ever.

Something that I have been struggling with is my film career. I love having my own personal company that I’m trying to get going, it’s teaching me things about how to deal with a new business. Part of the struggle is in the fact that we’ve had to take some time and step back because we currently don’t have a studio, we have the site that we’re going to turn into the studio, but with my partner being very ill recently, and complications with one of his business ventures(yeah, that’s how we roll), things have gotten behind by quite a bit. I want to produce more content, and in a bad way, but I know that patience is what is needed. I’m not even sure if I’m trying to take on too much too soon, while looking for another means of employment to better help fund this creative venture that I’m under taking.

I’ve said this is my year, and I truly do believe that, so much has gone right so far. Even when things have gone to shit, I’ve still managed not to let it get in the way of the momentum that I have going already. Circumstances haven’t always been ideal for me in the last several months, but I’ve been able to overcome all the bumps in the road so far. If anything besides getting done with school, I’ve learned how to handle stress a bit better. I don’t freak out every time something doesn’t seem to go completely right.

I think the next thing that I really need to master is the art of organization. I wasn’t very good at it when I did real estate, I’d like to say that I’ve gotten better, but I know that I have to improve on it still. My desk is a somewhat disorganized mess, with notebooks with ideas everywhere. I think I remember reading somewhere that was a sign of intelligence. I can only hope that’s true.

I think I’m just learning how not to waste life, and appreciating things so much more. I do still like to spend time playing a game with my kids, because that’s one way we bound, but I find going out on walks with them in a one-on-one situation is something that helps bring us closer. I enjoyed the walk with my son the other day. Instead of talking about wrestling, we talked about the growth happening in our town, and future plans. We talked about how we were both going to do what we needed to get our goals achieved. He wants to cook. He loves to bake and barbecue. We’ve watched enough competition shows to have fallen in love with the idea of being creative while grilling the food.

Another thing that’s become kind of an adventure is finding alternative ingredients to replace the white sugar, flour, rice, and bread. we find Agave is an amazing replacement for sugar, and that coconut flour is a wonderful ingredient as well. It’s even better when it’s done to help “dad” live healthier. My kids rock like that, but then again so does my wife. She does more than she’ll ever realize. I love them all.

This is the director and that’s another wrap for the night.

10 Years And More Paperwork!

So, I have to do paperwork because I’ve been at my job for ten years. Being the well oiled machine that I work for, I’m having to answer things from years ago, and then there are things that I don’t ever think that I knew. All I can think is man…..I’ve been doing this for way too long.

It’s given me a time to reflect on where my life has been, and where I’m going. The past is a bit blurry because I’ve not always handled life in the best ways possible, but as I’ve gotten older, and gained tools, I’m getting better at it. I’ve hit a few very dark times, and part of doing this paper work has caused me to try and remember through those dark clouds. I’d like to say those thoughts are sunshine and rainbows, but a rain cloud with thunder and lightning would fit that much better.

“It builds character,” or so that’s what they saying goes. It proves that I’m a survivor, even if it fucked me up a bit along the way. I’m a survivor…that’s the key there. Even when I wanted life to end, or wanted to hide away and disappear, I made it through those times, and I’m better for it. I’ve gotten married to a great lady, who loves and supports me, and we’ve had some great kids together, who I’ve not always been the best towards as well. We’re not perfect, but I love this family of mine.

“It builds character,” at least I’ve been able to analyze this and help it become something more positive in my life. Being someone who’s had insecurity issues and depression issues throughout my life, has built a thicker skin than when I was a child. I’ve heard the insults that people have said about me behind my back, and to my front. Most of the time I laugh because I think of how lame some of the words are. I think to myself, can’t you come up with something a bit better than that? Hamburger boy? Fatty Mc Fat Fat… whatever fucking insult they make to have a laugh. If it was me, I’d go for the jugular, and that’s the sad part, because that’s what my situation molded me to be when I was younger. I know that I have a mean streak and a low tolerance of bullshit, but I do try to not let that side out most of the time.

“It builds character,” and that’s true. I think that it’s all in how we decide to let it form us. At a low point, I finally decided that I was going to do everything that I could so that I could be a beacon of positivity in this world. Too many want to beat other’s down because, like they say, “misery, loves company.” I think that’s too true, and I don’t want to be the one to add to that problem. The funny part is that during my last “dark time”, I was hating everything and everybody, myself especially. Some would think that I’m being positive for other people’s sakes, though the truth is that I’m doing it for me, because I don’t want to ever feel the way I did before. Plus I’m starting to get this feeling that the world gives back to you what you project, and I’m wanting to feel positive vibes instead of the negative vibes that I had felt.

I’m feeling the balance between mind and body these days. The focus is getting stronger, and the  motivation is being felt by others as well(see several previous post). Well, I have so much more info to get before I can finish my paperwork, and I’ve got some studying to do as well.  So this is the director and that’s a wrap.

Working On That Summer Body…Sort of

Keeping track of the weight loss gets a bit tricky. With my highest weight being at 429.9 pounds, I did lose those 29.9 before surgery, as I weight in at 400.3 two weekends before my surgery. I remember because that weekend I had to do some blood tests before I saw the doctor out of town. I started to eat better, and honestly, the liquid diet probably helped with that as well.

Still with in less than two months after my surgery, I’ve lost forty pounds and that isn’t something to laugh about. So I figure that if I’m losing about twenty pounds a month, and this is the second month of the year, I should lose about sixty more pounds before summer. That would bring me down a total of 110 pounds. That sounds great, and would put me about half way to were I want to be. I would be at 310, and I haven’t seen that since my eldest child was born. That was almost seventeen years ago.

Seventy pounds(69.9 to be exact) is a lot of weight, I told my youngest that I basically lost her in my weight(though she’s only 62 lbs.). I know that I still have a long way to go, and I don’t ever plan on looking back and picking up the bad habits again. Those who’ve joined in wanting to better their health(my friends), and truly my brothers and sisters in arms because this isn’t ever an easy process. This challenge will be with me for the rest of my life, but at least I’m going at life now knowing that food isn’t the solution. That’s a huge step in the right direction for me.

The over all goal of losing 200-220 has always been where I wanted to be. 180-200, I haven’t seen those numbers since I was a freshman in high school. I think that is when I would feel my best. A huge plus is that clothes would be far less expensive than they are now. I feel like I’m constantly paying double for whatever I wear, because there’s so much more material(did you sense that I rolled my eyes? No? Well, I did).

The tools have been provided, and I will succeed. Why? Because I don’t really have any other choice anymore. There was a majority of my life that I felt down about myself, and now that I’m hitting closer to forty-years-old, I’ve realized that I actually love life. I have three children, two that are by birth, one is a niece, that we brought in to give a better life. I want to see them grow up and become successful people.

I’m just gonna keep going on the path that I’ve taken, the doctor wants me to take it easy still for at least another month due to a fact that I got sick after eating pizza toppings one night. I’m trying to be careful because I don’t want to end up hurting myself, especially since I want this to be successful, and I’m aware of what kind of risks can come up because of the surgery.

That’s the thing, everything has a risks/rewards aspect to it. I’ve taken all this time to start to actually invest in myself that I plan to reap the benefits as best I can while mitigating the risks. I guess this is where I can finally say that I feel like I’m starting to make the kinds of adult choices like this about ten years ago.  I guess it’s sad to say that I finally feel like an adult with my choices. Does anyone else ever feel that way? Remember to invest in yourself, and nothing worth doing is ever easy.

This is the director and that’s a wrap.

Welcome To Club 100

So for the start of today’s blog, I’m going to educate the populace on what I had done and some of the facts about the procedure. According to the brochure at the doctor’s office, produced by Covidien the technical name for the gastric sleeve that I’ve been talking about over the last two months is the vertical sleeve gastrectomy, or partial gastrectomy. The procedure takes the cutting out of two-thirds of the stomach to make the stomach into a part of tube, or to make it look like a “sleeve”. This procedure also removes the part that produces a hormone called Ghrelin, which is the chemical that controls the cravings for being hungry.

At my highest weight, I was weighing in at 429.9 lbs. and at a hight of five-foot-ten, that put me at a body mass index of 61.7. The requirement is to have a BMI of 35, and I was well above that. I was on the cusp of having bad cholesterol, high blood pressure, and quite frankly, I was a prisoner in my own body(I’m sure I’ve said this a couple of times). heaviest

This was what I looked like at my heaviest. The worst part of all of this weight was when I would try to actually exercise, I would hurt. I had bruised my foot on a walk, my knees hurt, and it was just the most difficult thing when I moved. I truly felt that I was trapped in my own body and there wasn’t anything that I felt I could do to help me loose the weight. I was scared that I was going to put myself into an early grave.

I was doing well before I had my breakdown at work in 2013. I was on Weight Watchers and I had lost fifty-six pounds. 2 years after weight watchers

I was feeling good at the time, I felt free and with more energy, but then depression took over, and I gained it all back and then some. It was a rough time in my life, and my mind wasn’t right. I felt like I was the most worthless thing and I wanted to die. That actually followed me even when I was able to go back to work.

When I decided to go back to school in 2014, I was trying to change my life around. I didn’t realize for about the first year of school in what I was doing, and it took until about another half-year before I realized that what I needed in life was a better outlook on what life could and would end up being for me.

The first thing I did do, again without realizing the potential of what would come, was I decided that I would be a beacon of positivity. When I left work, there was negative people everywhere and it really helped to bring me down. The decision of being positive wasn’t for anybody else, except myself. I didn’t want to continue to feel worthless, and the new outlook helped me be a better person, not only with myself, but for other’s as well. That is something I continue to, and will continue to do for the rest of my life.

Finding that creative outlet was the best thing for me, I’ve been able to put forward the thoughts and revelations into something tangible, and that’s where things like this blog come in at. It seems like I’m in a constant state of thought, even when it’s at the worst times, like when I’m trying to sleep. Sometimes, it’s that state of restlessness  that helps some of my better ideas come out.

So, bringing this to a more present time period, when I got introduced to the idea of setting up a WordPress website, I decided that I would use the platform to blog. I figured that it would be a good way to share my experience, and hope that the words would find someone who might need to know that there’s other’s who have gone through the same kinds of issues they have, and that there is someone they could reach out too. I also fond it therapeutic for when I go through some of my emotional times. Though I suffer from depression, I don’t look at it as a weakness, but as a strength because I’ve survived the darkest of times. I’ve survived several times throughout my adult life. Now I’m here to help other’s who don’t know if they will make it, or if they just need some support and to be aware that things will get better.

With in the last year, the awareness that I’ve come across was that things were going to get better for me as I worked hard to finish school. I knew that I was setting myself and my family up for better things in life. I’ve been determined to make the best of life. As the months got closer to the end of my schooling, I was more determined to get done, and put what I earned to good use. I’ve been networking and planting the seeds for this better future.

Feb 3 stats

This is from my Pacer app. I went to my two month post operation check up and I weighed in at 360 lbs. It’s been a while there, and since it was out of town, I was determined to explore the city and get my 10,000 steps in today. I’ve got farther than I thought I would, and I’m glad that I have something to help record my progress. I think the most effective part is the fact that I’m obsessed with numbers, and this is a great way to keep track of the movements from my walks.

As I was walking with my wife downtown Lancaster, a thought came too me that I had never considered before- I invested in myself. Wow! I never considered something like that. Sure I’m going to have student loans, and the high cost of my weight loss surgery, but I had invested in myself. Physically, and mentally, I spent the money to help me find myself, and I’ve brought so many people with me for the ride. It took the surgery to help me not feel trapped anymore, and I want to keep pushing to get better. Then the school has helped me find the person that I was meant to be.

I think that’s the secret for people to be successful, and happy…invest in yourself, because the only person who’s going to take care of you in this life is you. You can only grow if you push yourself. That’s a thought to contemplate.

This is the director, Chris Keeling, I’m about seventy pounds lighter, and that’s a wrap.

10,000…What?!

So, to start out, this was my last day of work this week, and I made it! With my uniform swimming on me. I’m in the need of a new belt to hold up those Genie pants. My lunch has changed so much since I first started working.  Work Lunch

This is what I take with me for a ten hour day to eat anymore. Sometimes it’s more than enough. I think that it’s crazy where I’m at, compared to as where I had been.

As my wife hasn’t been feeling the best today, we decided to go out to a local restaurant called Pita Fresh. I’m a huge fan of Shawarma, so my meal was Chicken Shawarma, with Couscous, olives, and Tahini sauce.Dinner before I ate

This is a picture of my bowel, it’s kind of big, and full of delicious food. I used to be able to destroy a meal like this and not think anything of it. That’s actually how I was several months ago, but this is what my meal looked like after I was done:after I ate

It’s funny that I barely made a dent. At least this can keep me going for a few days. The struggles of a fat person.  I’m satisfied with that, and today was an inspired day. Better food, better movement, and better activity.

So today I did over 10,000 steps, that’s over 4 miles. Here’s the proof:Steps for the day

Since I had started this journey this time, and the surgery, I’ve never made it quite this high. Last highest was like 9,141 steps. Crazy how I walked almost five fucking miles. I was motivated like crazy, I wanted to get to the 10,000 mark, and I was walking with a fiery purpose.

One of the best feelings is knowing that I can and want to move faster. I even jogs for a few steps, but I’m not ready for that quite yet. This week was the first week back at work, and I decided that I wanted to know how I was going to feel after work this week, but I do plan on getting back to the gym after work, a few days a week. I think I’m ready to take this to the next step.

I’ve had two other people express the interest of my progress and asked about the surgery, I’m glad that people want to get their body’s healthy, and I gave the number to West Medical to a co-worker yesterday. I hope that this helps my co-worker out in the most positive of ways. I’m the first to say that this hasn’t been an easy journey, but I’ve met some wonderful people because of this, and I think the rocky waves are over for the majority of my progress. All I have to do is keep my mind focused on the mission and go towards the goals.

I’m also happy that this little blog has gotten some attention, and I’m glad to get new followers. It’s my way of giving my voice to the same situations that people may be afraid or embarrassed to discuss. You can see more of the visuals on my Instagram page : https://www.instagram.com/ckproject97/. This shows my weight loss journey, as well as my adventures with my family, and friends. They mean so much to me, and this is part of the reason why I’m taking the path that I’m doing now. Please feel free to ask questions, or just say something to be apart of the discussion.

The CK Project is a platform to help me be better at life and health, and I hope that it motivates others to do the same. I’ve had several people tell me that, and it brings such joy to have been able to help. I’m all about the positivity now, even though I have moments where it doesn’t seem enough to stay that way(after all, we all have bad days).

I’ve been on the negative side of life, and it sucks, but by doing this, I think that it’s starting to define the person I am, because the bad things help create character, and it’s like I didn’t really start finding out who I was until I hit the later part of my thirties. This is the person I want to be, and I’m not letting the hate and negativity define who I am.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Today(or Tomorrow? part 2)

Today was the real test….. After six weeks of being off of work I went back and put on my uniform. While I’ve noticed some changes in my body, and the movement I have, this was the real test, my uniform, which I have worn for the last ten years, showed me where I am physically. It’s huge on me, and I haven’t felt that way in a long time. It was amazing to feel that I’ve lost several pounds, and several inches. The pants make me feel like the Genie in Aladdin. That’s an accomplishment since over a month ago, things were a bit tight on me.

I came home and took a nap, but not because the day was hard, but because I couldn’t fall asleep until after eleven-forty. That doesn’t sound too bad, until you put into the context that I had to be up at four in the morning. At least when I did fall asleep, it was heavy, and nice. I think that getting back into a schedule is going to be good for me, even if I have to get up at four in the freaking morning. Three-thirty for those days I have to open busier spots. Have I mentioned how I hate getting up before six? True story.

Now, today ended up being kind of an easy day because we had more than enough coverage to man the spots that I work, and it was nice to have that for a first day back. As the day progressed, I saw many people who’ve been following my weight loss journey, and it was nice to be welcomed back. It was nicer to be told that I was looking good(and yes the ego feels satisfied). I’m trying to measure how many steps I take while at work so that I can do the math on my ten thousand steps, that I’m supposed to get in a day, also something that I haven’t quite made yet. At least my body held up, and standing for hours didn’t hurt so bad.

As the point that I made yesterday, I’m a different person, both physically, and mentally. I’m standing straighter, and I’m keeping a good attitude. Some days I think that it’s going to be hard to think that I will be, but at least it was a familiar feeling. Muscle memory maybe? All I know is that the routine, is going to help me get back the focus that I need. I think the saddest part of work is that most of the people I have become close to have left. Yes, I still have a few people that I really like, but my closest of friends have gone on to better things(which I’m proud of).

I’m going to take a week or two before I really start pushing myself and going to the gym after work, I feel that I just want to get back to used to standing for the long hours in the day before I decide to “kill” myself in the gym. I’m not trying to hurt myself, and I don’t want to do any internal damage, because of the staples in my stomach. I’m looking forward to dropping the next fifty pounds though. That would put me at a weight that I haven’t been since my almost seventeen year old was born.

At least I’m not allowing food to cope with my emotions. Yes, I still like to eat, but it’s no longer the same relationship that I once had with it. Life’s going to get more interesting and enjoyable this year. I plan on keeping up with getting the life I actually do deserve, both for me, and for my family.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Tomorrow? (Part 1)

I’m going back to work tomorrow after my six weeks off because of my surgery. To be honest, I’m anxious. It’s weird to actually think about where I am now, compared to when I was going to have my surgery. In the aspect of things, six weeks isn’t that long, but with this journey of six weeks off, I’ve had time to reflect, and think about where I want to go with life.

The things that I’ve been focused on doing for the gastric sleeve documentary has been on my mind, and I think that I’m going to change it to the journey of losing weight, and the obstacles that have kept me from being successful before now. It’ll be a great way to help motivate other’s who might not have that drive to become healthy.

I guess the best thing about going back to work is the fact that life can get back to some sort of normalcy, and I know things are going to be good this year. I’m positive that this will be a year of growth and changes. I’m not sure where life will  take me, maybe a new location is in the future. I’m making a new set of friends through the gastric sleeve experience. The networking in the past few years has been great. Good people, better opportunities are going to be knocking, and I plan on taking them the help me further my professional and personal life.

I’ve also recently taken an interest in Eastern philosophy. I think that I need to find something that helps bring me a better sense of inner piece. As I’ve turned into a beacon of positivity for the last few years, now I want to find something more. I’m also  improving myself by continuing my education, by doing videos from Lynda.com, and Rosetta Stone.

I will continue this after I get back from work tomorrow, and reflect on how I’m feeling. (To be continued….)

2018….New You? New Me?

So today marks the first day of the year 2018. As I was on Facebook this past few days, I saw all these posts about how people couldn’t wait until 2017 was over and the kind of shit storm the year had been. Then I read about how people were going to better themselves with the New Year and the resolution that would come with it. People were going to quit smoking, treat others nicer, exercise more, etc…

This is all well and good, but most New Year resolutions don’t last, so I present a challenge to anyone who wants to make a life change. Why do it on the New Year? Why say that this is a new year and a new chapter? The truth is if you had a shitty year last year, then your mind is already set for another shitty year this year. Measures of time, it just keeps going, people get older, life goes on. Here’s the challenge: Start now! It doesn’t have to take a new year to start changing those habits. If you want a better year, learn how to get your mind in the right way of thinking, so that the negative doesn’t affect you the way it has for so long. You want to be healthy? Start by talking to a dietician to help you eat correctly, don’t leave the holiday’s as an excuse to gorge out on food.

Now, I can hear some of the muttered voices going, what about you Chris? What are you changing in the new year? What business of yours is it that we do a new year’s resolution or not? For that I have a response too: It really isn’t my business, but because I care for those in my life, I want to see success. As for the changes that I’m going to make in the new year, hate to say it, but I’ve been doing these changes for the last three years, and it didn’t take a new year to mark those changes. The fruits have really started to show up in the last few months. For me, it’s about the long game.

I got my degree in the mail last month from school, so looking for a better job is a priority on that list. I had the Vertical Sleeve Gastronomy done on the eleventh of December so my weight loss goals are well on the way. I’ve been networking and getting to know people so that I can get other projects of mine underway. The beautiful part is…..I didn’t have to wait until the ball dropped for me to decide to make life changes.

Sure there was a time that I settled for whatever was going to happen for me and it took my depression to get that swift kick in the ass for me to be motivated to do something to better my situation. I did it, and I haven’t looked back. Sure there are times that I wanted to quit, there were times that I just wanted to give up, and go back to the place that I knew I was going to be safe, but that is no longer the case. I want to have better things for my life, and playing it safe isn’t the way to go.

Sometimes you need to put yourself out there and take those risks to help you grow as a person. Shit happens and life is unfair, so to counter act that, you have to come up with the mindset that some of that shit isn’t so bad. I find myself staying positive, and not always because other people necessarily need it, but for myself. Yes, it helps to be positive for others, and that is a service I do provide, but it helps me keep it together, nine times out of ten.

Some of the negative things that happened within the last month, I decided were just mere bumps in the road. I had a health scare that put me in the emergency room after my surgery, was a bump. The loss of our pet of fifteen years, a mere bump. Life has been good to me over all and I can’t let the negative define how my life goes.

If you find this post negative, or that you feel that I’m on the attack….that was never my intention. I want to see you succeed, I want to see you have a great life. Follow your passions, be happy, that is what I want. This is the director and that’s a wrap.

Science? To What Degree?

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I got this beauty in the mail today. It’s my Bachelor of Science in Digital Filmmaking. I’ve busted my ass for the last three years to obtain this degree, and it the pay off is in the Magna Cum Laude. I’ve never wanted something so bad in my life. I was happy to be able to finally accomplish something at this level. Plus, it’s a major step in the direction to having a better life for me, and my family.

I guess I should give an explanation on why this is a milestone for me, with the fact that I usually would let myself get to a point of insecurity, and quit anything worth while because something got to hard. I would do everything I could just to get by in life. I had various passions in my life, but I would squander them and waste the talent that I had. Now things are different.

I had to have that kick in the ass to get myself going, and while some people think that going after my passions and gaining the skills of a filmmaker might be considered a “waste of time”, I beg to differ because, film can go towards so many other things besides doing movies. Yes, I do movies, and I plan to keep on doing visual story telling, while doing other work with my degree in the real world. I have a plan.

The degree is step one, step two is getting myself healthy and since I’ve had the gastric sleeve, I’m feeling much better about myself. These will continue to help me build the brands that I’ve been working on for the last few years and I plan on doing far more things in life. Currently the third step is getting myself that other employment to help support my family and help make the movies that we will be making.

I’m sure after the third step I will have other plans starting to come to the forefront and those plans will be revealed as I continue on this course that I’ve taken for the rest of my life. I’m motivated to live my life and not be stuck playing video games all the time, and let time be wasted away. I love how life is finally turning around, and making me a better person. I will be sharing more as I go along. This is the director and that’s a wrap.