Achieve the Balance

It’s been months since I’ve blogged, and it’s crazy how things have been going for me. My life has gotten so much busier that if I was too stop everything, I think my head would explode. My personal training certificate has been a nice bonus to add a little income to my brands, and being a youth wrestling coach on top of that has been a blast. I’ve enjoyed watching the kids improve their skills as I’ve been able to partake on their journey. I’ve also been able to make friends with my fellow coaches that’s helped to provide a better work relationship to boot.

I spend several hours a day at the gym, either coaching, or learning. I’ve gotten into the martial arts of Jeet Kune Do, started learning grappling to help with my coaching in wrestling, Brazilian Jujitsu, and Kick Boxing. I find these to be a challenge and fun. I never thought in my life that I would be a martial arts junkie, yet here I am. One style that caught me off-guard was Tai Chi. I know that it’s often thought of as the old person’s martial art, but let me tell you that I’ve had the most insane experience with it.

Sam had me try it for something a bit different. I slowed down weight training to try a few new things, and on the particular day that I tried it for the first time, it caught me in my emotions. As hard as I have strived over the years for improving myself, there are still aspects of my life that I realize are unbalanced, and the movements and energy just brought everything up to the surface. I find myself needing more structure and discipline. I need focus, which is something I thought I had, but apparently I don’t.

I’ve been struggling with getting my next certificate in personal training because I’ve lost focus. I don’t want to say that I’ve ben depressed, because it doesn’t feel like it normally does, but I will say that my mind is easily distracted lately. Maybe I’m doing do much? Maybe with everything going on in life, uncontrolled events, I just lost the drive to do things.

That’s something that I should address, my stepmother, the lady who raised me, had spent time in a hospital earlier this month because she fell and hit her head again. To be honest, I thought that I was going to have to say goodbye to her. She was in scary bad shape, and it was hard to see her like that. Something that makes it harder is the news that it seems that she’s in the first stages of dementia, and that isn’t easy to deal with.

I’ve come to realize that I’m at an age where mortality is becoming very real, and watching my parents health decline has been an uncomfortable situation for me. I’ve mentioned when the age that I was going to start expecting my parents to pass, that sad part is that the time frame I had predicted has started to really come into view.

So with these events going on in my life, I’ve been struggling for my Sports Nutrition certification. I’ve been working on the last couple of questions that have involved a case study, and honestly I feel done. I didn’t even get to finish the study. I want my cert, but I think that everything is finally hitting me. I guess that’s where my depression is at right now. I’m going to get through it, and I just have that feeling of giving up and crawling under a rock for a while. It sucks, but again, I know that I’ll get through this.

On a plus side, I’ve got plans for my next cert, as I’m going to be learning Yoga to add to the services that I already provide my clients, and I might start teaching a class at some point. As for what the end goal is, I do have a plan, just Yoga kind of fell in my lap. I’m thinking that this will be a great way to get my stretching in. I’ll be the first to admit that I could stretch more than I do.

I also have to mention with all the mixed emotions and turn of events in my life, I’ve been doing the Media Specialist job for seven months now. Outside of working on movies, this has been the best job I’ve ever had. I like my boss, and I like my supervisor. The cool part is that I’m appreciated, and I’m able to help teach them somethings as well. This is a job that allows me to use my artistic mind on the things that I do.

Another positive is that Sarah’s Crohn’s Disease hasn’t seemed to gotten worse, and her arm has better range. I’ve been able to watch her and Christopher II learn and practice Jeet Kune Do as something to help them out as well. I think it’s helped Sarah with her range of motion. I think it’s going to help Christopher with his coordination, as he really like the teacher of the class. As a side note, that teacher has said that he’s learned from my coaching to take a bit more time with one of the people, since I tend to work more with the smaller children during wrestling practice.

With everything that’s been going on, there are times that I do feel that I should quit coaching and being a personal trainer. It’s not that I’m not good at either, it’s just I’ve realized lately that I’m feeling burned out. Sarah says that she recognizes it because I tend to do that, spread myself too thin. Yet, I always feel that I can handle it, even though I should know better.

One of those realizations that I’ve had was that I’ve been pushing off being creative, telling myself that I’ll do it as soon as I’m done with the subject at hand. It never seems to come though, and I really need to get back to work, because that’s where my passion is in life. Creating and making movies, shorts, and other content. It was easier at the other job, when I had time to sit down and write while off on some remote place, doing my job. The Media Specialist is a great job, it’s just surprising how busy it keeps me, and that is something that I love about my job. Plus I do feel appreciated and it doesn’t go unnoticed, like I’ve mentioned before.

So, I find myself trying to figure out what it is I’m going to do. Do I keep going on the path I’m currently on, or do I finally take a step back to be creative, because it doesn’t seem like I have much time to do both? I’m sure that this is where I am currently and that things will work out, because I’ve got so much going on in my head right now. Plus there’s the fact that Pennsylvania is calling to me, because my maternal mother’s memorial is coming up the first weekend in October, and I feel that I should be there for that. I do miss my nieces that it would be great to spend a little time with them.

As I reflect, and find balance in life, I’m sure the answers will happen. People say that it’s happens in His time, and I’m not against that idea. Maybe the fates have other ideas for me? I think I need to meditate further for reflection. Thanks for taking a bit of time out of your day to remember that I’m still around, and that I do try to get to the blogging, but the past year and a half has been crazy. This is the Director and that’s a wrap.