Grieve For Your Sanity

The world is going to test you. As it were, God is going to test you, if you believe in such things. The ironic part of that is that when you get tested, it’s usually unexpected, and you’ll probably already have a billion and a half things going on as it were already.

Then life also gets in the way, and you sometimes lose the path you tried to set for yourself. I’ve done that a few times. Most recently in fact. With so many things that get thrown at you in life, it’s not hard to lose focus on what’s important. John Lennon said it best in his song Beautiful Boy, “Life is what happens to you, while you’re busy making other plans.” How beautifully true that statement is.

I think that’s part of what makes life both great, and frustrating. You save up to buy something nice, then your car breaks down, so that’s where the money goes. Yes, I’ve been in this situation many times, and it sucks. Yet, there are times, you might back into someone, and find the love of your life. As I look back on life, it’s a remarkable journey.

I never anticipated where having the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy would take me. All I knew was that it was something that was going to help me lose weight, and I wouldn’t hurt as much. The amount of positivity that I’ve received from people, the growth of my mental, and physical wellbeing, has taken me aback. This process has been a sanity check at times as well.

I’m sure the question of if the surgery did so well, why would you have to check your sanity during this positive journey? Well, it’s because there are bumps in every journey. Being a human, with doubts and insecurities, tend to be the biggest hurtle. When you grow up and get told that you weren’t good enough, and you didn’t deserve things; that kind of stuff sticks with you. Being over-weight for so long, and having limited movement, my mind also tells me that I can’t do it. That’s something that reminds me of the cliche, “You’re your own worst enemy.”

This all comes down to keeping yourself in check and remembering that it’s all a mental game, and the things that happen, are only a small portion of your reality, and that the rest is made up of how you react to them. As an example, I have a friend or two, that tend to act like life is out to get them. The truth is after hearing their stories, I look at the situation, and think that it doesn’t usually sound as bad as they make it out to be. Again it’s not always easy to explain, as ego tends to get in people’s way. Just look at the current group of people who are running our country, and you can see the examples of what I mean.

It’s insane to think that life is completely out of our hands to control. To go “religious”, that is why God gave us free will. Keep in mind that whatever does happen, it’s all about trying to keep ourselves in check and mentally prepared.

While it doesn’t always work, attempt to take the time and stand back to reflect on the situation, sometimes that’s all anyone needs. Even if that means that it’s for the next time a similar situation occurs.

I think the most sane thing to do is to continue to grow, to strive to become a better version of the person we are right now. It is so easy to get complacent, and to blame other things or people, then it is too point out our own faults. Those are toxic traits that I’ve seen in people around me. Hell, I’ve learned to see some of those traits in myself. This is something that I’ve been trying to purge out of my own self. I know that I’ve grown, especially over the last five years, but I also realize that there are things that I need to continue to work on.

Things that I didn’t think I could do, have shown me differently. The way I react to some situations, has surprised me, when I’ve been put in the situation. One of my bigger issues is that fact that I’m constantly in self-doubt. This hurtle is something I have a long way to over come. It’s just not the mountain that it once was.

This is the Director, and that’s a wrap.

39th Year of a Life

Yesterday was my birthday, and I’ve been on this Earth for thirty-nine years. I had so many people wish me a happy birthday, that it feels good to know that people actually do think about me. I have friends, and family, that’s a great feeling to know the appreciation of being apart of people’s lives. Let’s look at the retrospect of life in the past year, shall we?

The first thing to note is that I’m a blogger, and I’ve been doing this for the last year and a half now. I started it for a class, because we’re to build our own websites. This happened to be my first. My second is my portfolio/promotional website: https://ckeeling.myportfolio.com/home-page feel free to check it out. It shows of a bit of my work, and it’s a great way to promote one of my “brands”. I kept my WordPress website, because I wanted to have a place to put my work, this particular site(because I have two) became the place where I decided to try my hand at blogging. As a writer, I thought that this would be a great way to practice. It has been so much fun putting my thoughts out into the cyber space.

The second reason that I find that blogging has helped me grow as a person and has been therapeutic at times when I’ve been depressed, and it’s helped to sort out some of my thoughts. Plus it’s been a great way to network with people with shared interests. It helps when people have gone through common experiences, when they come together in support. Sadly, not everyone seems to “get” that. I’ve been enlightened to other’s plights this way.

This last year was the year to start getting the new me ready for the world! I’d been trying to get to a place where I could be happy with myself, and it’s taken a long time to get to that point. This was the year that forced my hand to make those drastic changes. I was done being trapped in the flesh casing that was bringing me down and I decided to get weight loss surgery.Patient_Image 12_04_17 10_57_29

This was what I looked like 12/4/17. I had lost about thirty pounds by this time and today I look like this:

 

I feel so much better about myself, and this is just the beginning. I’ve been trying to watch what I eat, and I’m also moving so much easier. For the longest time, I had this mass sitting on the middle of my chest that just prevented me from doing anything comfortably, and now that it’s gone I can move faster, longer, and clothes fit better.

The other big thing that happened this year took three years to complete and that was to get my Bachelor’s of Science degree in Digital Filmmaking with a 3.76 GPA. I’ve never put so much time and effort in any class like this before and I’m happy to have finished with school. Now, I’m making efforts to better myself professionally.25588135_10209494932724657_3328647117328513282_o

I’m looking for a job that I can apply my degree in, and I’ve also been working on my own independent production company for over the last year as well. I love the process of writing and then getting people to become my characters, and having the chance to direct them. Yes, I think thirty-nine is the year that amazing things are going to happen for me, and I can’t wait to see what’s in store.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.