No Pain, No Gain

So, I have a five day weekend that started yesterday, and because it was the fourth of July, I didn’t get my personal training session in. That’s okay, because I made it up today, and suffered for it. Sometimes, I ask myself why I do the things I do, then I remember, because I don’t want to be unhealthy anymore.

Today, Sam started to help me find my inner strength to help push through all the pain, and suffering to get the best workout that I can. I’ve never been one to grunt or yell in the gym…and I’ll leave it at that. However, I’m being shown that it helps bring my inner strength out, and helps me keep going for a few more reps, at least.

Again, I’m reminded that I still have that man trapped in a bigger body mentality. It’s not always easy to over come, especially since I’ve not be able to do things for years do to my mobility. I know that I should be able to do more things, but what my mind and body think is sometimes two totally different things. I find myself trying to convince my body that I can do these things, even when it wants me to hesitate.

Since I’m on a five-day weekend, I decided to put myself through a six-day challenge with my ten-k-step challenge. I’m currently on day three, and I’m not quite half-way there yet. I figured that I would get a bit of rest before going back out to finish it off because I did squats today. I’m usually good with doing the three-sets of twenty, however, we also did more sets  and different variations on the squat.

I got my my steps in yesterday, but I ended up with another oddly shaped sunburn again. The barbell was a bit uncomfortable on the sunburn, yet I pushed through and did alright. I surprised myself with as well as I did. Plus, we got in some deeper sets on top of the normal squats we did.

The more I train, the more I think that I really do want to learn and also become a personal trainer as well. Like I said before, it would add a bit of Creedence to my CK Project, and I really do like helping other people. Whether by motivation, inspiration, or however, it gives me a different purpose in my life. I don’t think I would have ever wanted to do this about ten or so years ago.

I know that when I started the Project about seven years ago, it was more about accountability, than anything else. I was glad that people where being inspired, and it made me feel good to know that I could have such a positive impact, now it’s one of the driving forces behind what I do.

This is the legacy that I want to leave: The fact that I was able to help someone change for the better. There’s been too much in my life that’s been caused by negativity, and I don’t want to be someone who has turned into something that just adds to the negativity. Unfortunately, I’ve seen this all too much on social media. Facebook, Twitter; there’s a bunch of negative posts about religion and politics that happens.

I find that I’ve seen the worst in people on my pages. I choose not to comment because I pick and choose my battles, even though I’m also going to admit now, that I have a tendency to be interested in the unknown variables, just because I’m interested in the way “the system” will respond to it. It can be frustrating that I find myself on the losing end of the vote, as often times what I wanted, doesn’t seem to win.

Anyway, as I’ve observed the political debates, or religious debates go from a mature amicable conversation, to name calling and a two paragraph message on someone’s reason that someone else is “stupid”. I mean come on, we all have our opinions, but why does it have to resort to name calling, just because someone doesn’t agree. Why not just agree to disagree, so that the name calling doesn’t devolve into a match of a typed out boxing match. I feel that it doesn’t put a favorable light on the complete argument. Yes, I’ve fallen into this trap a couple of times, but I’m trying to become a better person, and not reflect that type of negativity.

All I’m saying is, try and be good humans to each other, and with that being said, this is the Director, and that’s a wrap. I do have my seven month check-up on Saturday, and we’re going to be spending the day on adventures.

Fireworks in The Air

Aww, the sound of colorful gun powder blowing up in the air! A day that seventeen years ago, fundamentally changed me as a man. The fourth of July is a day of celebration, for many it’s a day to recognize the independence our country got. To me, it’s the day that my oldest child gains another year of life on this earth.

Let me take you back into time, before I really needed to go on the weight loss journey, before I turned into the man that people know today. As a matter of fact let me take you back to the year 2000….

At this point in my life, I was separated from my soon to be annulled significant other. Sure, we’re only married for 6 months, but my experiences with her makes her a significant part of my life. I had been in my new job, at the time for just over a month. We’re seeing more money than ever, but her problem was that I was always gone out of town for work.

A good part of my job was the fact that I got to work with my father. This was a great experience, because I really got to know him, and bound with him with the many hours on the road, going from job to job. It took us from this small town to places like Bakersfield, Ca, which wasn’t really a stretch, but it took us to Seattle, Wa and Denver, Co.  See, this is were the ex was having problems, and needless to say we ended up splitting up after all was said and done.

One of the things that I didn’t completely realize at that time was that I ended up becoming broken in this abusive relationship. It was mostly verbal, and on both sides. When it was all said and done, I was a suffering in a way I couldn’t comprehend.

Sure, we tried to have kids, but the mental games that were played just didn’t help when she had told me that she “miscarried”. At this point, I was just numb to everything that she would use to try and hurt me. This incident happened on my first trip to Seattle. I had gotten a cell phone and was using it too call her. When she laid the news on me, but I didn’t feel anything since this was the umpteenth time that something like this was used to hurt me.

Court wasn’t pleasant, but afterward I had found comfort and safety in the arms of my now wife Sarah. She got with me, helped put my pieces back together, and somehow we ended up creating this wonderful child, who is both my pride and joy, and the pain in my ass. I love her though.

The good thing about Autumn is that she is a smart girl, and she doesn’t go out and make poor choices. The bad thing about Autumn is that she’s a smart girl, and has a time or two called me out on my bullshit. This can be frustrating at times, since she’s seen me at my lowest point as well.

No matter where we are in our complicated relationship of father and daughter, I will always be proud of her being my child, and I’m even more so about the woman she’s becoming and the goals that she’s setting for herself. It’s incredible to see her evolution as a person. Finding her place in this world, watching her “fan girl” over anything Disney. The child that matches me in wit and challenges me to look at my own self.

As she reaches into her seventeenth year, and starts the last leg of her high school years, I’ve been trying to think of what advice I would give her(if she reads this). Remember that you’ve got a good head on your shoulders, trust your instincts. Figure out what you truly want to do with your life. Go with your instincts. I spent too much of my life listening to what other’s thought would be best, and it took me too long to go for what my heart desired.

I love you, yes I know you think I have to say that because I’m your dad, but it’s true. I have you and your brother, and you two are the most important people to me. You’ve filled my life and helped to give it purpose. I’m sorry that I haven’t always been the best dad, there’s no instructions on how to be spot on every time. Know that even in my darkest of times, I’ve always wanted the best for you.

So with that, I wish my kid a happy seventeenth birthday, and will be happy to celebrate it with her. This is the director, and thinking of were the hell did the time go? That’s a wrap.

“Fat Tuesday”

Everything’s been going well; I’ve lost some weight, and I’ve been feeling better than I have in years, however, I did have a fat day yesterday. No, I didn’t gorge myself on food, and I don’t think I started retaining water, but I just felt like I was fat yesterday. I know that it comes occasionally with the territory, I mean, I’ve not had this much success in losing weight and it takes time to convince my brain to realize that I’m not fat. It’s funny how the mind places tricks like that.

Could it have been from the heat? Maybe it was because I was up early, and I wasn’t completely functioning when I got dressed. All I know is that I had a day of feeling fat. It’s odd that I felt that way yesterday, and yet today I feel pretty damn good about myself. As a matter of fact, I’ll up that ante and say that I feel like my three x shirt was a bit bigger on me than I thought it would be. I’ll take that win.

I’m getting ready to have a wrench thrown into my life by having to change my schedule at work. So, I’m shifting to the swing shift, which would put me at a one pm to eleven pm time frame. The best part is that I won’t have to wake up at four in the morning: at least for the next six months. That is either until we have to change schedules again, or I get that ever hopeful other job.

This puts me in a difficult place as to where my life is right now. I spend most of the afternoon and evening with the kids, and then we do my personal training sessions, and I also assist with the kid’s grappling class. I find that I’ve been enjoying playing “couch” to help develop the youngsters, as they grow as a team and individuals. Yes, the biased part of me, loves to watch my own kids participate, and interact with them as well.

Another issue that this might present, is the fact that I just finally casted The Dialogue and we’ll need to get some meetings so that we can get the script and the chemistry down. I’m really excited by this because I had to do the whole casting process with minimal help. I do like to work with my team on these decisions, but I was okay filling in the role on this project, and doing the final decision calls, wasn’t bad. Everybody who tried out, brought something that got me thinking of other ways to utilize these talents in other projects, and I look forward to working with each of those who didn’t make it in another project.

I also found myself with the opportunity to recruit another member into the crew. This individual, I actually met on a movie set as we were both extras in a low-budget sci-fi movie. We got to know each other a bit over the weekend we spent on set, and geeked out about comics(what a surprise, right?). He had said that he had wanted to have his own indie company, but I beat him to it. I replied with the fact that we’ve been looking to expand for the last few months, and I’ll find somewhere to apply his talents.

I’m not going to lie, I had a week of where I wasn’t exactly motivated to get much done as a creative individual, and that’s okay, because I’m back, baby! I’ve got that motivation back and I’m going to be working on several things. I love the things I do, it brings a since of peace that I need.

Before I end this blog, I want to give a huge, HUGE shout out to my friend Terri Peterson. She does a blog called MY BARIATRIC JOURNEY, and she’s been accepted to have the weight loss surgery. I’ve known her for about nine months, and we’ve shared in each other’s successes. I’m proud of her, and glad that we became friends. If you’re curious, I suggest checking out her blog, as it is very personal and heart felt.

So much is going on, and I can’t wait to see where things take me. This is the Director, and that is a wrap.

Lost Words

As someone who tries to have a positive word, I find myself sometimes stumped on the right words to say. I’ve been struggling with finding the right words to put someone’s mind at rest. I’ve tried tell them that everything’s going to be okay, but I’m not sure that those are the words, they want to hear. I know that we’ve been trying to move forward with getting something together so that we can start filming, and I know that we will. It’s just finding the proper rhythm, and getting the cogs to function together takes time.

Sure, I would expect far more if we were getting paid to produce something. That’s kind of the ugly part about being the guy in charge. However, with this all being voluntary, I’m personally not expecting things to work right away. I appreciate everyone who does donate their time to helping me, and being part of the team.  It’s supposed to be fun, right? And that’s the feeling that I’m going to continue to have, even if we have a few hiccups along the way.

I get the frustrations that things aren’t moving forward fast enough. Hell, I’ve spent the last year, trying to get head way on a new profession, and I’m just now seeing a real glimmer of hope. Truth is, I too want to have something that we can get into pre-production, and I know we will…even if it takes a bit longer to get there. I’ve got a talented group of people working with me, and it’s just getting the right thing to start moving forward. I know that’s going to happen soon.

This weekend is a four day weekend for me, and I think that I’m going to have one productive weekend, as I work on projects, that I’ve not had all the time to focus on. I know that more script writing will be involved, and I love the process.

For a change of subject; I was realizing today that I’m about a week away from my six month mark for my surgery. God, this has been an interesting ride, to say the least. I already feel like a new man, and I can’t wait to see where this ride is going to take me. Even at my surgery weight of 400.1 pounds, I’ve already lost eighty-two, that’s crazy. This last year was all about me busting my ass off. No regrets, whatsoever.

I can’t wait to have my studio done so that I can produce more of the regular video’s that I did when we were renting the studio. It was so much fun getting those videos in. Even from that time period, things have vastly changed. As I reflect on that time period, I’ve realized that I’m not the same person I was a year ago.

I think there’s a certain maturity in that. My motivation, my drive, it’s all on a different level now. As much as I like my video games, and watching television, I just don’t feel like I have the time anymore. I feel like I have even less time for bullshit, as I’m working on achieving my dreams of being a successful film director.

It’s amazing to see how I’ve grown as a storyteller as well. Believe it or not, blogging has helped me be a better writer, and storyteller. I remember when I thought coming up with 500 words felt like such a struggle to accomplish. When I started, I’d average about 300-400 words, and I would be done telling my story.

I still feel days that blogging is a chore, but the truth is, it has gotten so much easier to write thoughts, and put the details done as I go along. I even called to talk to someone about how they could improve their script writing last night. It was a great moment to share my experience… I sometimes can’t believe it’s my life that I’m living still. I almost feel that it’s an outer body experience at times. Someday reality will hit me that I’m the one doing all this stuff, I’m sure of it.

Any way, this is the director, and that’s a wrap!

“Don’t Call It a Come Back”

It’s funny to see where I was in the beginnings of my blogging life. So, much has changed since the early blogs.

I’ve been contemplating things that I’ve been planing on doing with life. The first thing that I’ve promised myself is to start working on this page as a part of a regular routine.  I hope that I can keep myself on track as I continue to explore who I am as a person, and improve myself along the way.

    As I review these few sentences that I wrote in 2016. I remember thinking that I would try and write 500 words on every blog. I also remember thinking that 500 words were far harder to come up with than I thought they would be.

As I’ve gone along, my writing has gotten better, and my words are averaging about 670. My views and likes have gone up as well. That makes me feel a bit justified in the writings that I do.

At that time, I thought, “hey, I’ll just right all my thoughts down.” Little did I know that I would finally come up with a plan that focused more on mental health and a weight loss journey. I knew that the mental health was always something that I planned on addressing, and that’s why I keep a certain amount of transparency in my life. It’s a raw and brutal truth at times. I see that some people don’t seem to handle my decisions well, and to each their own really. I’m doing this because I know what it’s like to be someone who didn’t know what to do about a given situation and was too afraid to ask for the help, until it was too late.

I don’t want anyone to ever get into a desperate situation that could have lasting negative effects. That’s why I’ve asked myself to commit to this task. It’s not always easy to speak on what is currently going on in my life. I don’t always feel comfortable being vulnerable, but I find it necessary, not only in my personal growth, but in the aid of others. It’s refreshing when I get pm’s that state how helpful that was for a situation someone was in.

If I’m to speak plainly about some of the comments. The ego’s been fed when the pretty girl I had a crush on in school, mentions how proud she is of what I’m doing. Hopefully she, or they know who they are, and thank you for helping me feel that I’ve not waisted my time on this.

Exploring who I am as a person, has brought me on an incredible journey, as I’ve made more friends, and more solid relationships along the way. I’m fortunate enough to say that I’ve got an amazing group of people, who I get to work with on the personal projects. Part of that discovery is that being transparent about myself has helped give courage to putting myself out there to network, and not be afraid of asking for help.

It’s in these connections that I find the most reward. Then to look back on the first few blogs that I did, and to see where I’m at now compared to where I was, or what I thought I would be doing at that time, it blows my mind. Never would I have thought that I would be as driven to succeed as I am now. The film company was something I always wanted, but to add the CK Project  and the Geekultural Experience wasn’t what I was striving for at the time. Hell, I don’t even think I was in any kind of thoughts about having the Gastric Sleeve done.

Now, I’m over 100 pounds down, and I’m constantly staying busy with my brands to get them up and successful. Anything worth doing is never easy, but I’m determined to make something amazing happen, and I have the right people involved to help me get there, and they get to share in that success with me as well.

Anyway, this is the Director and that’s a wrap.

Chris Keeling Productions

I’ve been contemplating things that I’ve been planing on doing with life. The first thing that I’ve promised myself is to start working on this page as a part of a regular routine.  I hope that I can keep myself on track as I continue to explore who I am as a person, and improve myself along the way.

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After The Funk

So, having a poor mindset the last few days, I’m finally over that hump, and am overall feeling better. I want to thank those who reached out to me both on my social media post, and to me personally. I appreciate the love and support more than you know.

Now, I’m back to the old me, or should that be the new me? Mister positivity and all that good stuff. I’m feeling sore from the workout yesterday, but I’m feeling great overall. Every once in a while, I think we all tend to have mini pity parties. Yet, there is good news on the horizon.

While, I’m talking about news, I’m looking to look at expanding the merchandise line even more by taking on another person for the supplies. Shirts, and mugs will come from one play and there might be other things coming from another source. I’ll give more details on that later.

Part of my funk was that I was feeling a bit creatively stuck, but now that everything has been resolved, I’m finding other ideas to follow and start to make a story. I love the part of being a creative person. With that, there will be another meeting with the production team soon enough, and we can tackle more of the ideas to get the team’s ball rolling.

I think that my personal trainings sessions are going great. I also feel that I have so much too over come mentally as my body and mind are still arguing with each other about getting the tasks done. My mind wasn’t quite ready to tell my body that I could push through another push up or two…more like five, but who’s really counting. The best thing is that I’m noticing the changes in my arms, a bit more definition when I flex, and not so flabby.

This was just a short blog to update everyone that I’m okay, and that things are back to normal. This is the Director, and that’s a wrap.

Life’s Too Short

Today, I found out that someone I have known for a few years passed away unexpectedly. We weren’t close, but we were cordial with each other, and I had just seen this individual on Wednesday. As of this morning, he’s no longer with us. It makes me think about how short life really is. I think about how we should live life to the best of our ability, and appreciate the positive things in life. We should also not dwell on the negativity that is put out there.

This is why I do what I do. I’ve been beaten down by negative comments and energies. I’ve felt like there wasn’t anyone to turn too, or any way out of a bad situation. Once I realized that life can offer more then I was giving credit for, things began to turn around.  We never know what the next day can bring for us, but I choose to face the day as best as I can and be grateful for the gifts that I’ve been given. I have a wonderful wife, and three of the greatest kids anyone can ask for.

That’s not to say that I don’t have my days that I wonder if it’s really all worth it, but everyone can have a bad day. Life’s a roller coaster that strange events can be thrown like a curve ball. Again, I choose to step up to bat and embrace the challenges ahead.

I’ve been making strides forward with my weight loss journey, and I’ll be weighing in this Friday for the updated results. This is defiantly a change from where I was three years ago, when I didn’t really care if I died. I almost embraced the idea, but I want to live. I want to celebrate life and the people who happen to be involved with it. I feel fortunate in the people that I’ve connected with over the last few years, especially.

I’m a member of the Society of Creative Anachronisms,  and I was welcomed in by my friend and fellow geek Kim. It was this introduction to medieval re-enactment that I’ve forged some strong bonds with a great group of people. I may not always agree with them, but there is a family that’s there to support each other.

I’m also a co-creator and member of The Geeks of the IWV. This was created in dedication to my friends after they had lost their oldest child. It was a way to help with the grieving process, but it’s opened so many other doors for me as a person, as I hope that it has my co-creator. I’ve learned so much about being able to bound with people over geeky pop culture subjects, and have been able to share incredible experiences, with the group of people that supports over 95 people.

As with this blog, these groups, and my brands, there’s so much that I’ve learned about myself over the last few years in particular. One, I have a passion to learn new things. While that doesn’t seem too far out there, it’s thought provoking for me to realize that I don’t ever want to stop learning, and growing. New experiences are the best.

Two, when set out to create something, I prefer to have someone to create something with. I find that I can put people’s talents to the most potential to get something done. This not only goes towards, the geeks, but we’ve had a great time with Luckey Bom Films, as well.

Three, I really do like to help others in need. Being a support for other people and their problems, or situations, has given me a different perspective in life. Sometimes, just the offer for help seems to be enough, yet there are times that I feel that I don’t ever do enough as it is. All anybody can do is try.

If these blogs have tried to show anybody something, is that I’m using my experience to try and help guild people towards something better. I know that people have troubles asking for help, and I want to help. I want to be able to motivate people to do something to help them with their struggles. I hope that you find this enlightening, and if you feel the need to talk, just reach out, I’m here. I’ll do my best to be there to listen.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Unfollowed Success

So, as much as I’ve been talking about my successes and experiences, much like my weight loss journey, or getting my brands started. I’ve shared some other things, like my failures as a man, a husband, a father. I’ve used them as examples of my short comings, and the terms I’ve come too in life. I’m going to use this platform for kind of a rant, or more of a way to find understanding tonight.

Social media, can both be a blessing and a curse. The blessings come in the form that you can connect to long lost friends, and family. You get to share your successes, and good memories that you make. Even too the point as the memories are happening. The access is amazing with Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, these platforms can appeal to our vanity, as well as our pride.

There’s the other side of social media though that causes it to be a curse as well. Some people over share their lives, which is fine, but it also opens up for critical critiquing. People secretly judge you behind their screens, without so much as a repercussion for “trolling” people. This is the side that detaches us from human interaction. This is the time when we as a judgmental society, can feel that our opinions are relevant, and we can treat each other like assholes.

I’ve vented about my relationships in the past, I’ve shared my struggles because I didn’t feel that I had anyone to actually talk to. The problem there is why it might feel gratifying, I was never sure who was actually siding with me, or who was just trying to sabotage who I was a person. People can be supportive on your timeline, but secretly sharing the info with other’s who would just assume to see some one fail.

Tonight, I was rebuked on my Facebook page about over sharing. Now, I’m not sure where he was getting all this info from, but he mentioned my wife sharing things as well, and that he was tired of see all the complaints. He even used #keepyourmarriageprivate. Now, people said that he should have private messaged me about it, which I in turn messenger him, and text him to see if everything was okay, because it wasn’t something that I felt sounded quite like him. Yes, he is someone that I know in person, but I was a bit surprised by the words he had put on my page.

I’m not going to sit here and say well, it’s my page and I can put what I want on it. That’s already a given, and like I mentioned about the dark side of social media. That’s exactly one of the problems, it gives people the feeling of entitlement, like their opinion is the only that matters. If that’s the way someone wants to take it, it is their right, but yes, that is something that the medium is there for. It just vexed me that I would get attacked for answering some simple and fun questions. They were innocent enough, after all, it wasn’t like I was trying to open the Arc of the Convenient. It wasn’t like the questions where asking if I voted for Clinton or Trump. I guess my response was interpreted the wrong way.

So, let me talk about what social media has done for me. MySpace gave me the opportunity to reconnect with some of my oldest and dearest friends from my past. People with whom I’ve grown closer too, and have gotten an abundance of support from. I’ve been able to connect with family members that I’ve never been able to meet in person, and learn about some of my heritage. I’ve also learned that I don’t always get along with some of those family members. I’ve also been able to give support to people in various states and countries around the world because of social media.

I’ve also been able to get employment from being connected to social media. Plus I was able to finally find the right schooling for me to get my degree in. I’ve grown relationships, and personally through this technology. It’s helped me grow and get my shit together. I’ve become someone I would never have thought I would be through my work online.

I’m now a businessman, trying to get three separate brands going. I’ve become a guild to those who feel that they need experience to guid them with their weight. Some have gotten help with mental health struggles. This is why I do what I do. I found a place in myself to not be selfish and give unto others. My experience has become a tool. My times of weakness, has now become my strength and I use it to be a beacon for others to find a light shining in the darkness.

While I would usually say that it’s a wrap, I have a message for the nay sayers. I am who I am, and you either like me, or you don’t. I’ve done enough in my life trying to get the approval of others, and for that I’ve lost something of myself to be a people pleaser. Sure, there are things I share with others, and some of it might be controversial, but there is something to remember in that: I’m not here to make everyone happy. I don’t give a God damn if you don’t always approve of what I say. I’m here to help those who feel that they would like it, because I’ve been lost, I’ve been ready to give up. I’ve seen people end their lives, and all I could think of was only if…. Only if I could have been there to tell them that it’s going to be okay. They are liked, even when they feel alone. I’ve thought about those people that I wish I could have reached out too. Just know that there is someone willing to listen. My success is attributed to many people behind the scenes. While it seems like I don’t always give them the props on social media, they know that they’re appreciated. Don’t worry, I got my side handled. Nobody’s going to bring down my success. I’m all aces.

 

A Week Until Four Months

I have about a week until my four month check up. Damn what a ride this year has been already, as a matter of fact, my size forty-six waist size us getting too big for me. With that comes the fact that I’ve been so busy, and I’ll admit that I kind of slacked off this week. After the craziness of con weekend, I think I deserved a bit of rest. As I sit here, I’m thinking about a conversation I had with my friend Curtis, and the fact that I thought after school I would have a bit of time off for relaxation….

Relaxation, what a load of shit that turned out to be. Not that life going full force isn’t fun, I just thought that I’d have a bit of time to chill during the weekends. Looking at this weekend, it was nice to have a moment to enjoy and sleep in my own bed without doing much, and that was the point, but looking at the rest of the month I have one out of four weekends free, and then I’ve committed to spend time with some of the most awesome people and watch a movie. I’m looking forward to that, as some time to relax with good people.

Keeping busy at least keeps me active. Friday we head one direction for some business, and then on Saturday we have to head in the opposite direction for my four month check up. Plus I’m adding to my weekly routine with my personal trainer this week(hopefully). I have some freelance business to do. I have a conference call tomorrow, I’m excited to see how that is going to turn out.

I’m also busy with some overtime this month at the regular job, and realizing that I have to work the weekend of  Avengers: Infinity War isn’t exactly the thing I wanted on my plate. Especially since I’ve been eager for this movie for two years, but the next weekend will get my money for sure.

Let’s get back to the weight loss journey at hand, while I haven’t weighed myself this week, because of my appointment on Saturday, I feel like I’m down a few more pounds. I saw a friend this weekend, and she told me that I looked so different since the last time she saw me. Again, that’s always a great confidence boost.

It’s funny that the closer I get to being at the -100 pound mark, the more determined I feel about loosing the weight. I figured that over all I have to lose between 220-240 to be at the ultimate goal. As an adult, if I would have been asked, I wouldn’t have ever dreamed of it being a reality, but no shit, this is happening. I’m cranking up the motivation again this week as I’m going to be hitting those 10k steps several times over this week.

Again, this all depends on what all happens to me this week, as with having to get in a couple of hours in for late night overtime at some point, this week? Plus the freelance meetings that I have, then the traveling out of town for a couple of days. There really isn’t enough hours in the day anymore. Yet I will prevail!

One of the things I’ve been doing since graduation is that I’ve been job searching, and I’ve added blogger, and health and wellness to the experience. I love how life is giving me the experience that I need to be better in the professional world.

So, my advice for anyone who seems to be unmotivated or unsure of what they want to do, or where they want to be; all I can say is that it get easier. I remember that after I had my surgery, 10,000 steps seemed so hard to reach. As a matter of fact, I could barely get to 5,000. You’ve seen the stats, you’ve read about the journey. It gets easier, and once you figure that out. You’ll notice when you start to slack. Remember that the biggest trick to weight loss is the fact that it’s a mental game. Keep it there, because once you do. The physical part becomes so much easier. Remember the old cliche: Mind over matter. No shit! It’s true, and that’s the reason I’ve been so successful in this journey. The positivity, the motivation, all of it was my choice.

Reach inside yourself and find that which is going to motivate you. It took me to feel like I was almost dying to take control of my life, and there isn’t anything I regret by doing the surgery. At the same time, I’m not going to lie, it takes work. Sure the weight starts to melt off and you get this false sense of confidence that it’ll be a cake walk. I think that’s why there are those who still fail, even after the surgery, but get that mind right, and tell yourself that you are in control, and make procrastination your bitch. In the end, you’ll thank yourself for the determination.

For too long, I let my depression, keep hold of me. Taking the time to change the way I think was one of the best things I’ve ever done. Now I rarely have a bad day. Even those days, aren’t so bad. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Phase 2: What’s Next?

As I seem to finally be getting all my “ducks in a row”, I can’t help but think of the growth that this month has brought me. First, I’ve really started getting into the free lance thing, and I’m currently building my connections to work with other people in the future. I should be doing more videos soon, and not just for the film side of things, but I also think that it’s about time for the CK Project to start coming out with somethings too.

Which leads me to the second “duck”. I’ve been really pushing the weight loss part of the project since before my surgery, and I stand firm on how I’m moving forward. The walking will continue, even if I’ve slacked for a couple of days. After all I did walk over thirty-one miles over the convention weekend. I’m so close to the one hundred pound mark that I’ll be excited if that’s where I’ll be weighing in at my four month check up.

I have to keep mindful of slacking off, because getting back into old habits isn’t hard to do. Even my studying has tapered off. In my defense, this has been a crazy month, and I’m getting back on track for things(notice the blog coming out today). I have to keep going, because there are other’s looking up to me as a role model. It’s crazy to think that I would be where I am right now in my life. Good thing that I’m doing my best to be a positive beacon.

I was having a conversation with a friend today, and she told me that my motivation and positive energy has affected her, and that she’s been trying to do more for her family. I’m glad that I could help. That’s the turning point for me, when I decided that I wanted to help others and not just myself. That’s just part of the mental change for me.

Speaking of the mental change, I’m having more problems focusing at my current job, because there’s more passion in the other side in my life. I can’t wait to be dealing with that side full-time, and be able to get paid for it. I’m not trying to get rich by any means, but I know that I can do better than I have now, and I can support my family better. At this, I have moments that I feel my patience is wavering. Which another friend says that it seems like it would be common for my situation.

I think that losing the weight has also helped me mentally. Now I’m not so down on myself because I’m feeling trapped in my body. I’m actually feeling different, with the way I stand, my confidence(which on a side note, hasn’t really ever been a problem), and overall, I’m feeling better in health than I have in the last fifteen years.

I love how people are encouraging me, and telling me to keep it up. I kind of think that it’s funny that people would say that too me. This has been a lot of work, even with the surgery, don’t you think that I would want to keep it off. I’ve been fat most of my life, I’m ready for the time I’m not shaped like the Kool-aid man. Believe me, I’ve seen some people kind of stop doing what it takes to keep off the weight, and it isn’t worth it to me, in my book.

Finally, I’m getting my geek media started. The Geekultural Expereince. This was something that I’ve wanted to do for a long time, but I never really had a name for it. The last name we had was Geek on Geek, but I realized that’s kind of over done, and I wanted something more unique, and why not. Geek, Culture, Experience; it just made sense to me. Look for the first pod cast this weekend, and we’ll be dropping it on Saturday, March thirty-first.

This was just a small update, and as always, this is the director and that’s a wrap.