Motivation

I’ve been sitting on this topic for a little bit, and I was trying to figure things out. How am I to continue this? That’s one of those things that had been lingering for a long time. I find my mode of thought, and my life style has been thrown into a different perspective this year.

It’s not bad, I mean new job, mentally I’ve been good, physically I’m going alright. I just find that my motivation has been kind of hampered.

Here’s the real question, what happens when you reach the goals for your motivation? I was lost and I wanted to better my professional situation, which in turn bettered other aspects and focuses in my life. What’s next? I remember that I had a job that kept me active most of the day. I’m in a different kind of job, that isn’t as active physically as it was. I find that as I went into this job, that I ended up getting busy with other things, and I ended up not having enough time to finish all the things that I wanted.

This is where I’m at: burned out on several levels because I was apparently doing too much, and I would find myself, just not accomplishing anything but video games, or watching television. This is where I got stuck. I need to take a bit more time in my day and focus on the stuff I’m truly passionate about.

So with that, I’ve stepped away from coaching, and the martial arts training for now. I love the kids, and teaching is something that I do love, but again, I was getting burned out because I wasn’t able to be creative enough. That’s one of those issues being a creative individual, creation is key to life. It’s hard to explain if you’ve not been there.

I also loved the martial arts training that I was doing and I will be back at it, but my other focus has become that I want to become a better personal trainer, and again feeling the burn out wasn’t allowing me to be as productive as I wanted.

So, I’ve been on break for a couple of weeks now, so what has that done? Well, I finished the a working script for one project I hope to get into production before the end of the year. I’m almost half-way finished with my first full script for my feature film that I’ve been working on for the last five years. I’m also have way through getting my yoga cert. Plus, I’ve gained a couple more personal training clients that’s given me a new kind of challenge.

With my life going at full speed as it has been, I’ve not done a lot with blogging, and I think being busy has kept my mind off of the subjects that I’ve needed to talk about. I miss podcasting and that is also something that I feel that I need to get back into. So now, I’m trying to find a new balance, and motivation to continue to get things back in order.

Let’s also face facts that the last year-and-a-half has put a different set of challenges on everyone’s plates with Covid-19 being a major factor with holding life back. Yet, this has been the year of change, people seem more bitter and mean, and politics are in the forefront of life. It’s scary, and I come from jobs that have shown just how people feel about others. Now it seems more intolerant. Now opinions are no longer respected, and it leads to violence. Did that year of solitude ruin the way people act towards each other? Did we forget how to get along?

It’s truly something to ponder as I look at friends, and people that I get along with, just to see how life has been affecting them. I’ve been surprised by the way some of them have responded to current events and the situations going on. This is why I turned my personal social media into something that promotes my brands. To be honest, I’m finding myself on certain sites a whole lot less these days.

Something I’ve found motivation in though, is that I’m reaching out to people that I find important to me. I know over the last several months, I’ve had friend’s lose loved ones to health reasons. I lost a friend, whom we’d grown apart, to Covid related complications a few week ago.

I’m going to note that this has been two weeks since I started this blog. You know life gets in the way.

So, as I’ve been trying to give myself some time to sort everything up, Covid has hit my family, and we’re all sick together. To me it feels like a head cold and I’ve just been being lazy over this weekend playing video games. I’ve had this headache off and on for the last few days, and it all started with a slight tickle in my throat. With that a bit of that difficulty breathing, like when you get a cold. I think the only problem as we got tested on Friday, I came up negative, but things just seemed to get more intense. I think that I’m okay, and as I laid down last night, I was doing some Ujjayi Pranayama, or as some might know it as yoga breathing. I’ve been studying it for the last month along with the rest of the yoga practices, and I’m not sure if that’s what’s been helping me breath, or if at best hope, I just have a head cold.

It’s funny where my motivation has taken me, and I find that yoga is complex, and I want to master it, because of the health and spiritual benefits that it seems to bring. I’ve also heard that it’s good to go with people who train in martial arts. So, we’ve see where this journey takes me. I’m going to cut this short, because I’m not in my best state for real concentration at the moment, but as always this is the director, and that’s a wrap.

The Bright Side of Life

It’s strange that as I sit here, I find that when I started blogging about seven years ago, I was looking for answers. I was lost, and I was in a dark place. I hated myself, I hated the way negative energies around me had caused me to hate myself even more. I hated that I couldn’t escape that same energy in every aspect of my life.

The fact that I had been dealing with depression for my whole life and not knowing how to handle it was at a time that I needed help. I wasn’t sure where to go, and I didn’t know where to go. As things happened at work, I was forced into a situation that got me the help I needed. I just wasn’t ready for that shift that was going to start happening just a little time later.

I spent the next year shutting everything out, trying not to deal with life. I would play video games all day. I would stay shut off in the bedroom, not dealing with my family, because I still wasn’t comfortable with “dealing” with the issues at hand.

I had gotten news about work and that’s when I realized that I needed to start preparing for a possible different future. At that time, LA Film School was just starting to offer an online degree, and I had wanted to take steps to go to film school for several years before. I finally took that chance on my own self in a way I’d never thought of before.

It was a bit after this time that I had decided to start blogging, and talking about my feelings and the struggles that I had been dealing with my whole life. I found that it got easier as I expressed myself through the written word. I had people private message me and talk about their thoughts on it as well. I was finding a positive energy through helping others, and it gave me a different purpose in life.

Maybe it was the fact that it stroke my ego a bit, or maybe I felt so much better by helping others. It gave me a reason to keep going. Blogging also helped me become a much better writer. The story gets better from here, I promise.

So, I had issues as my job, and it was the negativity that came out of it. Co-workers, supervisors, politics, those things that can either make or break the experience of work. As I look back at it now, I come to think that it’s just that it wasn’t the job that satisfied my needs as a creative individual.

About three years after I graduated from film school, I found myself an opportunity to finally get something in the field that I wanted. While it wasn’t making movies, it was something that I would be able to do, while using my creative mind, and find satisfaction. I work in archives, and I love the fact that I get to work with Photoshop all day. I do miss the activeness that I had working security, but I don’t miss dealing with the weather, and the rude people. I’m in a position that I have people that I work with and work for, who show that they appreciate me as a worker and as an individual.

I decided to work on getting my personal trainers certificate, so that I could give the CK Project a bit more to what I had been doing with the weight loss, and it’s taught me things that I continue to improve on. Teaching wrestling and working in other martial arts has been a wonderful experience as well. It’s opened up a whole new avenue of relationships that I wasn’t expecting.

I find it harder to find the things I struggle with, I mean there are things that I’m still dealing with, but those things I’m not ready to discuss just yet, and I may never, due to what it’s about. I’ve always been upfront with my audience, and this is way too deep for me to talk about, maybe someday though.

So, let’s look at the brighter side of life for a minute. Physically I’m in about the best condition that I’ve ever been. I got job satisfaction, that also may lead towards other, and bigger things. I’m not nearly as depressed as I was, because of my physical condition and job satisfaction.

I like blogging, but my life seems to keep me busy and after a stressful time getting my Sports Nutrition Cert, I’ve been at a better place. I’m currently working on yoga as the next thing, and I’m finally writing scripts again. Life is good.

The next thing is, where do we go from here?I feel that this is a market that people still like the info from. I started out with my mental health, then went to weight loss, and then went to mental health and weight loss together. So where do I evolve this from here. Maybe I start giving so research and start blogging about other sciences for getting through the mental and physical journey? Maybe a discussion on what martial arts is showing me, and the chi that’s involved? I’m interested in keeping this going, I just find it hard to pick things out of the air on what’s bothering me anymore.

That could be the lesson from this blog: Patience and hard work is what is needed to get passed the rough times. I used these tools to cope with a world that I wasn’t happy with, and in turn it helped others, but I worked hard to get to where I am, and I’m taking a relaxed pace with things, because I’m still busting my ass off at work, I’m just a bit happier with what I’m doing.

We all have tools at our disposal, and self-reflection is a powerful one. I’m still seeing where I am now, and am constantly learning more on who I was and how I feel about how things have gone. Learning what’s caused my issues is an eye opener. Knowing what I did some of the things I’ve done, has taught me to be a better person.

It’s been awhile, and I’m going to figure out how to evolve this blog, because I still love y’all. This is the director and that’s a wrap.

Achieve the Balance

It’s been months since I’ve blogged, and it’s crazy how things have been going for me. My life has gotten so much busier that if I was too stop everything, I think my head would explode. My personal training certificate has been a nice bonus to add a little income to my brands, and being a youth wrestling coach on top of that has been a blast. I’ve enjoyed watching the kids improve their skills as I’ve been able to partake on their journey. I’ve also been able to make friends with my fellow coaches that’s helped to provide a better work relationship to boot.

I spend several hours a day at the gym, either coaching, or learning. I’ve gotten into the martial arts of Jeet Kune Do, started learning grappling to help with my coaching in wrestling, Brazilian Jujitsu, and Kick Boxing. I find these to be a challenge and fun. I never thought in my life that I would be a martial arts junkie, yet here I am. One style that caught me off-guard was Tai Chi. I know that it’s often thought of as the old person’s martial art, but let me tell you that I’ve had the most insane experience with it.

Sam had me try it for something a bit different. I slowed down weight training to try a few new things, and on the particular day that I tried it for the first time, it caught me in my emotions. As hard as I have strived over the years for improving myself, there are still aspects of my life that I realize are unbalanced, and the movements and energy just brought everything up to the surface. I find myself needing more structure and discipline. I need focus, which is something I thought I had, but apparently I don’t.

I’ve been struggling with getting my next certificate in personal training because I’ve lost focus. I don’t want to say that I’ve ben depressed, because it doesn’t feel like it normally does, but I will say that my mind is easily distracted lately. Maybe I’m doing do much? Maybe with everything going on in life, uncontrolled events, I just lost the drive to do things.

That’s something that I should address, my stepmother, the lady who raised me, had spent time in a hospital earlier this month because she fell and hit her head again. To be honest, I thought that I was going to have to say goodbye to her. She was in scary bad shape, and it was hard to see her like that. Something that makes it harder is the news that it seems that she’s in the first stages of dementia, and that isn’t easy to deal with.

I’ve come to realize that I’m at an age where mortality is becoming very real, and watching my parents health decline has been an uncomfortable situation for me. I’ve mentioned when the age that I was going to start expecting my parents to pass, that sad part is that the time frame I had predicted has started to really come into view.

So with these events going on in my life, I’ve been struggling for my Sports Nutrition certification. I’ve been working on the last couple of questions that have involved a case study, and honestly I feel done. I didn’t even get to finish the study. I want my cert, but I think that everything is finally hitting me. I guess that’s where my depression is at right now. I’m going to get through it, and I just have that feeling of giving up and crawling under a rock for a while. It sucks, but again, I know that I’ll get through this.

On a plus side, I’ve got plans for my next cert, as I’m going to be learning Yoga to add to the services that I already provide my clients, and I might start teaching a class at some point. As for what the end goal is, I do have a plan, just Yoga kind of fell in my lap. I’m thinking that this will be a great way to get my stretching in. I’ll be the first to admit that I could stretch more than I do.

I also have to mention with all the mixed emotions and turn of events in my life, I’ve been doing the Media Specialist job for seven months now. Outside of working on movies, this has been the best job I’ve ever had. I like my boss, and I like my supervisor. The cool part is that I’m appreciated, and I’m able to help teach them somethings as well. This is a job that allows me to use my artistic mind on the things that I do.

Another positive is that Sarah’s Crohn’s Disease hasn’t seemed to gotten worse, and her arm has better range. I’ve been able to watch her and Christopher II learn and practice Jeet Kune Do as something to help them out as well. I think it’s helped Sarah with her range of motion. I think it’s going to help Christopher with his coordination, as he really like the teacher of the class. As a side note, that teacher has said that he’s learned from my coaching to take a bit more time with one of the people, since I tend to work more with the smaller children during wrestling practice.

With everything that’s been going on, there are times that I do feel that I should quit coaching and being a personal trainer. It’s not that I’m not good at either, it’s just I’ve realized lately that I’m feeling burned out. Sarah says that she recognizes it because I tend to do that, spread myself too thin. Yet, I always feel that I can handle it, even though I should know better.

One of those realizations that I’ve had was that I’ve been pushing off being creative, telling myself that I’ll do it as soon as I’m done with the subject at hand. It never seems to come though, and I really need to get back to work, because that’s where my passion is in life. Creating and making movies, shorts, and other content. It was easier at the other job, when I had time to sit down and write while off on some remote place, doing my job. The Media Specialist is a great job, it’s just surprising how busy it keeps me, and that is something that I love about my job. Plus I do feel appreciated and it doesn’t go unnoticed, like I’ve mentioned before.

So, I find myself trying to figure out what it is I’m going to do. Do I keep going on the path I’m currently on, or do I finally take a step back to be creative, because it doesn’t seem like I have much time to do both? I’m sure that this is where I am currently and that things will work out, because I’ve got so much going on in my head right now. Plus there’s the fact that Pennsylvania is calling to me, because my maternal mother’s memorial is coming up the first weekend in October, and I feel that I should be there for that. I do miss my nieces that it would be great to spend a little time with them.

As I reflect, and find balance in life, I’m sure the answers will happen. People say that it’s happens in His time, and I’m not against that idea. Maybe the fates have other ideas for me? I think I need to meditate further for reflection. Thanks for taking a bit of time out of your day to remember that I’m still around, and that I do try to get to the blogging, but the past year and a half has been crazy. This is the Director and that’s a wrap.

Thoughts For The Moment

I know that it’s been awhile, and I want to apologize as things have kept me busier than ever. The check list includes, working on getting my second certificate for my personal training, coaching youth wrestling, writing scripts, working a full-time job, and training three to five clients for personal training. It leaves my weekends the only time to get a break, however, this is the only time I can seem to work on my creative things as well. It seems that taking a break, makes me feel guilty, but I get overwhelmed from not doing the film stuff like I want.

So much has gone on since the last time I put a blog out. I’m coming into my own as a coach, I’m now learning and practicing the martial art of Jeet Kune Do, and I’ve been trying to change up my workout routine to get a better benefit from it. A couple of things that really seemed to hit home was Mother’s Day, and the loss of a former co-worker.

While Mother’s Day, is a date to celebrate the mother’s in my life: my wife, my mom, etc. I somehow had a sad, troubled feeling this year. While I’m grateful that I have the mother of my children around, and tried to make it the best I could, I thought about the things that has happened to the women I call mom.

I lost my maternal mother last year to Covid-19 related complications. I wasn’t close to her and I didn’t really know her for most of my life, but ending up in Pennsylvania last year, was a learning experience in the love she had for all her children, as I was never away from her mind. I have wished that I would have handled things a bit differently in my relationship with her, but I found a piece that I had been missing my whole life. I found that I connected with my siblings as well.

Now, my step-mother is the woman who raised me, and she treated me as if I was her own. It helped that her and my father had been life long friends. She’s loved, cared for, and been there for me my entire life. With that being said, it was hard for me this year to be happy for Mother’s Day because it’s hard to see the woman who raised me, not be the same person as she was.

She suffered a major head trauma several years ago, and with her and my father aging and deteriorating, it’s hard to watch what time is doing to them. She barely seems to function anymore, and I get the feelings that she’s on the last legs of her life. It’s not something that comes easy to admit, but that’s the feeling that keeps pulling at my gut.

Mother’s Day was hard again, as I watch the effects of Crohn’s Disease with my wife. She has good days, and some bad. I’m glad she’s a fighter, but at the same time I’m sad because she can’t do all the things she would like to do, or feel the way she used to feel. I watch as she’s come to having to fight her own battles with depression, and her own validity in life. Then I feel like I’ve not done my duties to help her feel better as she’d been my rock through my own mental health battles.

Coming to terms with the change of dynamic in our relationship has been a personal battle for me, though in the end, we’ll always have each other’s backs.

Now I want to speak on the passing of a young man, with whom I had the privilege to work with, even if it was for a brief time. I’m disclosing the fact that I don’t talk about the job I used to do, but at this time, I’m going to speak on it a bit. I used to be a guard and I had a chance to work with a variety of people, from police, to Navy personnel. Travis Griffin was a Navy Master-At-Arms, when I had to privilege to work with on the gates. He was tall, polite, and had a good aura of fun loving that surrounded him.

I befriended him and watched him become a father, then get out of the military and find his journey in life. I was shaken by the fact that his life had ended so soon, as he was a bit younger than me. I know that many of the people that he worked with here, was proud of the man he was becoming and happy for the accomplishments that he made.

Life gets busy and we all tend to fall out of contact with people. I have a sadness inside that I hadn’t had reach out to him for a few years, but through the miracle of social media, I was able to see that he had been doing well. So his death was a bit shocking at that moment.

The sobering part of life is this, as I’ve hit my forties, I’m starting to see more people pass away. Some of them passed for poor choices, and then there are those who’ve started to pass away from more natural causes. I’ve even seen a few close calls for people I wouldn’t have expected health issues to show up. Life is busy, and I think that sometimes we get too caught up in our own heads that we tend to forget to reach out and let people know that we’re thinking of them.

I think that social media has taken up that slack for keeping up, but again we more share about how we’re doing, but I know that I’m guilty of not reaching out to those that matter the most to me. I love them and think of them often, but as long as things seem to be going well on Facebook, I don’t always reach out and say hi. I know that I’ve got those friends who would and have admitted the same.

It really wasn’t until a few years ago that I had lost too many people that I had some real connection too. I lost a friend in an accident, and she wasn’t wearing her seat belt. That was the moment that I realized that I’m reaching a point in my life where I’m going to lose more people that I do care about. It’s not something that a person would like as a reminder that we’re all getting older.

On the positive side of things: life just seems to be getting better all the time. Mentally, I’m in the best place that I’ve been in a long time. As busy as my day’s get anymore, I love what I’m doing. Both jobs are great and I’m making some of the best connections and relationships of my life. Plus I’m doing things that I wouldn’t have thought about doing-wrestling coach. It’s crazy, fun, and challenging. The reward is getting the smiles out of my kids when they do something good.

The other perk to the wrestling job, is that I’m showing kids who don’t feel like they belong any place, that they are accepted and cared for. As a coach, I care about how they are doing mentally as well as having fun. I’ve taken a few of my kids aside just to make sure that they were okay mentally. I think that’s where my strength comes in as a coach, that I care, and it’s not all about winning metals or bouts. I’ve had some parents tell me that their kid has had a positive influence being under my instruction. I’m humbled by that, because there are times that I don’t feel like I know what I’m doing, or that I feel like I’m not a very good coach. That gives me some hope and pride to know that I’m having that positive impact on a young person’s life. I think it’s catching on because I’ve given a few students nick names and other coaches are calling them those names.

I’m sorry that it was so long since my last blog, and I know that I keep saying that I’m going to do better. I do mean it. Anyway, this is the director and that’s a wrap.

Default: Overwhelmed

Over the last several years, I’ve done a huge amount of things to help myself become a better version of the person I was. I’ve grown, learned, and gained so much more in experiences that I could ever really express. I’ve got so much that I want to do, which has been stated in blogs, podcasts, and social media posts. Here’s the issue I keep running into-I get overwhelmed. This is becoming a problem at times, because I don’t get things done because I am getting overwhelmed.

It might be the fact that I seem to have poor time management, or it might be the fact that I’m still trying to find balance in more aspects of life. I’m not sure, but I do seem to keep busy most of the week. First I work for nine hours a day, that includes an one hour lunch. A few of those days, I’m trying to squeeze in a personal training session just so that it can help open up my evening after I get done with my day.

I get home after four in the afternoon, just so I might be able to eat before I go down to the gym and open up for youth wrestling at five o’clock. Practice runs until six-thirty, and I do this for three-days-a-week. Then I go home and take care of relaxing, while trying to also get writing, or studying in before nine or ten at night. Then I shower, and relax for bed. I guess that is a bit busy? It just seems like I don’t have enough time to actually just relax, even my weekends are busy doing things. It’s more fun sure, and it’s not like I’m not enjoying the other aspects in life, I’m just trying to focus and get things done. That overwhelming feeling I get just throws me off my game, and I feel like I revert back into playing video games or watching movies. While it’s not horrible that my life is going this way, I do like writing and I can’t wait to get filming something. I just feel that I want to get so much done, and not all of it is going the way I was expecting.

I apologize for the bitch fest, I’ve just felt overwhelmed and I want to get that focus back. I also spend most of my weekend committed to family and friends, and I have no regrets for how I spend my weekend, I just realize that my last job seemed to be easier to work around, but then I wasn’t doing nearly as much as I’m seemingly doing now.

How do you feel time should be managed? Do you ignore some things, so that you can enjoy others? Being a writer, content creator, trying to manage my physical health, mental health, my relationships with friends and family, it just sometimes seems like it might just be too be a lot.

My ten-thousand-step life has gone down hill meeting the goals, and I try to compensate by playing Just Dance to help get steps up. It works, just pushes my night to go longer, then I”m looking to possibly assist another class on Tuesdays, and Thursdays, which will also keep my evening busy. I think I’ll have to schedule my podcasting to a set time, and do each on opposite weekends. That does sound like a plan.

I must not forget about keeping up with the social media posts, keeping positive, and helping others. What are some of the things that keep you busy? Do you have any tips for not getting overwhelmed?

I remember telling my sister that I kept busy so that I didn’t have time to get negative thoughts in my head. She told me that being busy was good, but it wasn’t helping me deal with the issues at hand. I actually think that she was right. I notice a bad habit is that when things get too much, I tend to procrastinate and shut down at times. I’ve gotten better, but I know that I need to still address some of those issues that I deal with.

Too that, I do have things that I’m absolutely thankful for. One is that I have a job that I love. I’ve had jobs that I’ve enjoyed in the past. I’ve had those that I’ve found something about the job itself to keep me going, and I’ve also had jobs I couldn’t stand. This job however keeps me engaged, and my day seems to go by quickly, for most of the days. The wrestling part, is fun, I enjoy teaching and guiding the kids to learn and grow as people. Twelve hours in my day tends to go by fairly quick, and if it’s a day that I do work out, then I’m usually ready for be around nine-or-ten-at-night. It actually makes me feel old too, and it’s always a night of solid sleep.

I’m hoping to be able to find some time during my week to get out the content, such as a podcast, on my last night of work. I’ve got a team working on other things for me, yet they all have lives, and some have medical issues. I know that what I’m doing now will pay off, but again, I feel overwhelmed at times. Do you know what the worst part of getting overwhelmed is? My answer is that I shut down and don’t do anything constructive, except play video games.

As much as I’ve been a gamer, I realized some time ago that it’s just a distraction from the rest of the world. Worst part is there are times that I find it to just waste time. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with video games, as they are entertainment, just like movies and television, but again, I feel that I could and should be doing something more constructive with my time. I guess that is part of my growth. I mean I go to film school because I love television and movies, and I seem to hardly give at least the television much of my time. Even Youtube is all about me watching tutorials on becoming a better filmmaker, or some health/wellness things. It might involve a few other things as well though.

On a bright note, I woke up Monday morning, got ready for work and actually had a fairly productive day with work, coaching, and a few errands. Some days it actually does amaze me to realize how busy I get. I’m sure that whatever I’ve been feeling, it will eventually balance itself out. Maybe, I’m just being impatient with trying to adjust to everything? Life is overall running smooth, I just wish that I was getting more done in my day, but then I would lose sleep, and after thirteen years of a shitty sleep schedule, I’m actually getting a decent amount of sleep during my work week, and I think that’s great.

Speaking of sleep, it’s an essential part of life running smoothly. It helps with weight, and functioning well. I used to feel weird when I had anything more then four or five hours sleep. Now that I’m getting six-to-six-and-a-half-hours of sleep, I don’t feel so strange. I can’t even believe that I’ve been at my new job for a month-and-a-half now. The crazy part is that my days go by so much faster than I was expecting, and I enjoy being able to use my creative eye with my job. I feel that it will help me become better with filmmaking as well. After all, I always try to do things that serve more than one purpose.

Before we wrap things up, let’s revisit a few things. What happens to you when you get overwhelmed? Do you find ways to overcome that feeling? What tactics do you find useful? Do you feel that fear can be a motivator for being overwhelmed? Please feel free to e-mail me at ckproject@zohomail.com and share your thoughts, or you could leave your comments here on WordPress, and it would help spark a conversation that I’d love to have on this forum.

Remember that you’re not alone in the struggle, there are those who will listen, me being just one of those people. There are also professionals out there to teach you how to cope with whatever might be troubling you. If you need professional help, contact me and I’m sure that I can get you pointed in the right direction, as I’m friends with professionals, and I have people that can help guide you to the appropriate help that is required.

With that being said, this is the director and that’s a wrap.

Remember What It’s For

We all falter at times, and do I feel like I’ve been constantly faltering for three last year. I know it was over a year ago that I was fighting to keep the momentum going and it was the first time that I had to take the rest of the week off from work. While it was a point that stopped me dead in my tracks for my workout momentum, it was also a blessing as it gave me enough time to finally heal my ankle up fully. It was also the start of the pandemic, something that none of us knew would change the way life would continue on.

It was at this time that I was still early on my next time on the nightshift, a co-worker and mine had been doing Starbucks after work on my last shift for the week, and life was pretty good. It was also the time that we wouldn’t know how political everything would be for the next year. In all of “this” excitement, we wouldn’t know what things we were going to be missing, or how we would feel about having our “freedoms” attacked. God, I try to keep away from the politics in my blogs, but this last year just seemed so politically heavy. That, or maybe it was just the first time that I really started to pay attention, and see just how ugly people can get towards each other over differencing points of view.

I’m not sure if it was the fact that we couldn’t go workout, or the fact that my momentum being stopped, just kind of helped cause me to loose my way, but somehow I just stopped being as motivated. I remember that I did try to keep up with my momentum at home. I was still trying to eat right, and I know my workouts started to fall off the grid during that time. Yet, it wasn’t like I stopped wanting to exercise. I know that I was keeping up with my steps. I just wasn’t pushing or pulling the iron like I used too. As with that, I gradually just stopped concerning myself with the work out.

I did however think that I was still being a bit more mindful of how I was eating, but I think that it kind of got out of hand and the bad habits started to creep back in again. I keep thinking that it wouldn’t hurt just one, which added up to more than just one. However, I wasn’t going to let that guilt me into anything too bad. I did maintain the weight for a good amount of time. It’s just now I’ve got to get back on track.

Now I find myself in a job that does more sitting than standing, and I am still figuring out how to keep active while working. At least I’m starting to find the momentum that I need to adjust to the new schedule, and I’m getting a routine for everything. I have also find that I preferred to workout during the lunch hour, and I started to do my personal training sessions during my lunch break. I think that this will be better in the long run.

The time to stop feeling sorry for myself is now. I remember that part of why I started this was to be an inspiration, and now I’m in a position to actually help people get healthier. I got my personal trainers certificate for that reason exactly and that’s part of my intention. I was able to help assistant coach a wrestling team, and I look forward to helping the youth become better athletes in that sport as well. I was told that I had promise as a coach. I hope that it helps me become more confident in helping others obtain their goals as well.

The last month in the new job has been unexpected, and I didn’t realize that it would take time to adjust to a different definition on what normal is. I was active with a uniform and heavy gear for several years, and to go unto another extreme has taken some time to adjust. It’s different when the whole environment has a different dynamic. It’s strange not having to just depend on myself for everything. I love that the job is a new type of challenge and engages my creativity. I find that to be an important factor as a creative mind. I’m able to use my talents to contribute to something bigger than myself.

Have you ever questioned the meaning of life? I think it’s defined differently for every individual out there. I do believe that there’s commonality amongst people thought. For me, it’s about adding to something bigger than myself. Helping others, is just part of what puts satisfaction for me. With that, things sometimes slip away without realizing it, and the focus can be lost. Does that mean it’s a bad thing? Is motivation so easy to forget? I think that I ask myself more than anyone else, because I remember the way I used to feel when I was out of control in my life. The feelings of not belonging in my own body. This isn’t a pleasant feeling, and I’ll fight like hell not to get back there.

Yet, here I am, and I’ve gained some weight back, and lost some motivation. I’m fighting against those feelings, and as of last night, I started to remember that motivation. I can get control back, and it’s not always going to be easy to get things done. I’m just glad that I’ve gotten the opportunity to help coach a wrestling team, and motivate the youth in becoming better versions of themselves. I find that being an instigator is a valuable tool in my skillset because when I talk “shit” I think it helps to motivate them to try harder. Sarah tells me that I’m good with the kids because I’m likable. It might be something to do with my sense of humor as well, but who knows?

I hope that I can find the full determination that I once had. I know that hitting the plateau for as long as I did was one of the hardest and most discouraging things that happened to me. Plus adding on a pandemic and several crazy months towards the end of the year, didn’t seem to help any. Again, that’s enough of the bullshit excuses. Now that I’ve reflected on how things have gone down, and I have my personal trainers certification, I’m ready to get back on track and kick as much ass as possible.

Now it’s time to get back onto some podcasting and various other creative content, as we’ve been developing our comedy, and I’ve been working on my mafia series. I just can’t wait until we can put everything together. I also know that wanting to get things done has been a bit overwhelming, and I’ve not been able to get things done. I feel that there’s a change coming on so that I can get back to finishing these things I’d like done.

So, what motivates you? Have you lost it? Do you want to be motivated? Leave a comment down below. If you haven’t liked or subscribed, please do so. I find that you input matters and I would love to have a conversation with you, the reader. If you feel too embarrassed to put yourself out there like that, you can always e-mail me at ckproject@zohomail.com. Your feelings are important, and you never know a friendship could be formed, and there are others who probably feel the way you do. I know that I’ve found a community of supporters that provide a safe space where most aren’t as judgmental as you might think.

As I’m finding the new rhythm in life, this is the director and that’s a wrap.

The Three Link Circle and What Motivates You?

I heard a saying throughout my life, that always talked about the mind, body, and spirit. The three are linked and it’s amazing how much it truly is linked. I think it was more prominent when I lost all the weight originally and started to feel the body and my mind really feel a bit more in sync. Yet, I’ve not been feeling in sync much lately. I’m trying to be motivated, but things have been a bit rough lately.

With that being said, I love my job, but I think that I’ve been hiding behind that as an excuse for why I’ve not been working out regularly. I know that most aspects of my life are good, I just find that I’m not as motivated as I could be. I saw that guy, and I know who he is, I just can’t seem to hold up those expectations that I once had. Again, I know that it’s an excuse. I’m sure most people can relate, right? I’m sure that if I keep fighting, I’ll find it again, after all I do have the means and the knowledge to get there.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve gained a little weight from the pandemic, and lack of motivation, but my body hasn’t been feeling right, and I also know that I’m starting to find that pace I need to get back on track, which I know is contradictory to what I stated, however, I know it’s there, I just need to say fuck it and go for it. I won’t lie, I’ve been overwhelmed about things in life. I’ve got all these things that I want to do, but being overly ambitious isn’t always the best thing to be. It can lead to mental fatigue. I bet you’re thinking, “Wait a minute Chris, I thought you had your shit together?” I only wish that was true. I’m sure that this is just a phase and I’ll get through it, I’m just finding that it’s been hard to get back into the groove of things. Even with things going so much better than I had planned.

Again, it feels like I’m making an excuse, because I really do want to be that beacon that I once was. So I guess that physically I’m not in sync with the mental part of me. I just need to actually switch my mindset. I hadn’t realized that I would be so busy with work, and maybe that’s what I’m trying to get used too. My last job, gave me certain freedoms that kept me able to concentrate on other things. Now, I’m just trying to figure out what I need to do to take my breaks and do a bit of activity. I’ve been able to move boxes around, and honestly, I’m able to get about two-miles in my little building during the day, including a bit of walking before and during lunch.

That’s it, I just need to finish finding that rhythm and go for it. I’m already feeling better, by talking it out here on this blog. However the question still hasn’t been asked, or stated anywhere; what’s your motivation? What is it that drives you to do better? Not being the person that I used to be is probably the biggest motivator for me. I’m finding that I’m having to tweak different, small aspects of what I’ve been doing to find the right path. Maybe I need to find something in the middle of my day to help get back on track. As a matter of fact, I’m gonna try to do my workout during my lunch to help get things back on the right path. My job has been very physically demanding with what we’ve been currently working on.

What about the spiritual path, where does that healthy aspect of life fall in line? Some find going to church and having fellowship is what helps to refresh and renew the relationship with the deity that they choose to worship. Some, find that working out in the gym is their path to the spiritual realm. For me, it’s when I go for my 10,000 step walk, on a “mostly” regularly basis. I’ve fallen a bit flat with that, but again, I’m adjusting, which I did say feels like an excuse, but I’m finding that adjusting to the new life change has really put me into something of a surprising nature with finding out how much the work has put a demand on me. I do love it though, because it’s a fulfilling job, for my energies and mentally. I love the positive atmosphere.

Things are also just seeming to fall in place for other aspects in life. The only part that I don’t have much change for the better is Sarah and her Crohn’s. That’s frustrating and leaves me feeling for her as there’s not really much that I can do for her. I can only say and do so much, but I do care, and I know that she knows that. Again, there’s only so much that I can do.

I’m taking some other movements that hopefully help get and get the brands going in a better way. Sarah has been working on prototypes for merchandise, and I’m glad that she can things to do that won’t irritate her arm, and gives her something that helps her feel useful. I believe that she even said that she was finding it “fun and exciting”.

Circling around to that link, between the three aspects in life that are most important for the self-well being: physically, mentally, spiritually. It’s like links in a chain, it’s only as strong as its weakest. I know that it sounds cliché, but there’s reasons that they fit so appropriately. I gained a bit of weight, and I feel it. It’s thrown my balance in those links off. Mentally, because my physical link is off, is also off. For my spirit, it’s always battling with itself, yet I will endure.

My critique is this; I felt that this blog might have gone a bit all over the place. I’ve been working on it off and on for the last week, and quite frankly, I’m glad that I am starting to get a rhythm going with this life change that I’ve been handed. It’s all about building a better version of myself, and career wise counts just as much as physically, mentally, and spiritually. They all are linked, and a good career, can help to enhance all of those things. Getting away from toxic environments helps with these things. Getting away from negative influences helps with these things.

I think that the next thing I really need to work on is time management, it feels like I’ve got so much to do, or at least what I want to do. I find that it gets overwhelming at times, and I wish that I could get more done everyday. It’s a job to keep working on the physical health, mental health, and spiritual health. The goals I have are going to be obtained, it’s just a matter of hard work and focus. Most people don’t see, or don’t get the kind of work that goes into success. There are memes that talk about the iceberg of success, and I know that if I keep going I will get there. Though curve balls tend to get in the way from time to time.

So, where have you been on your path? Do you know what direction that your life is going? Do you wanna talk about it? You can always feel free to e-mail me at ckproject@zohomail.com. I really want to hear from you. I want to start a conversation that would be mutually enriching for the both of us. Remember too like, subscribe, and please share the blogs. There may be someone you know that might find some inspiration in the words that I write. I’ve been fortunate to have people tell me that they’re glad that I have the “bravery” to share my story. I appreciate all the love and support that I’ve been shown through the years. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Live in the Present

I was surfing through Youtube the other day, and something about it just stuck with me. He said living in the past causes depression and that looking to the future causes anxiety. Mind you that this video was about the lost testaments of Jesus, and my love of theology and mythology gets my curiosity from time to time so I watched. It talked about living in the present, and as I went out for my walk after watching the video, that kept going through my head.

I’ve been doing a lot of watching Youtube, trying to pick up new things and learning to brush up and learn new techniques in filmmaking. Yet, something about that video caused me to think profoundly about that idea about living in the present. Depression being linked to the past for some reason hit me in a way I wasn’t expecting. I hate having to admit that I’ve dwelt on the past for too long most of my life, but putting something like this in a new perspective has really put me in a reflective mood. There’s things that I hate about my past, as well as things that I love. It’s interesting to think about, isn’t it?

I also got into thinking about how anxiety was applied to my life. I remember that I would get anxious when I would start thinking about going to work after the weekend was over. Anxiety is future, depression is past, and it’s crazy how it just seems to make sense to me. With that being said, I’ve been trying to live more in the present since watching that video, and I can honestly say that I seem happier with myself. It could be that I’ve found a new job, and that a new adventure is underway as well. Who knows?

To say that things don’t bother me while living in the present wouldn’t be truthful, there are things going on in my life that are a bit out of my control, however I just try to keep that positive mindset and keep trucking along. I think with any journey that gets undertaken, for example, the mental health journey, the weight loss journey, marriage, the key to being successful in anything you do has to be with mindset.

Let’s face it, we’ve all faltered at some point or another, and have made excuses as to why we failed. I find myself doing it, but not nearly as bad as I used to. I find myself trying to keep myself in check and remind myself to keep going on the right path. The weight loss journey hasn’t been easy, and I know that losing the momentum last year is just now starting to be over come.

An example of over coming the loss of the momentum I had is that I’m pushing myself harder, and I’m finding myself getting into a situation that will keep me motivated. I’ll also admit that I constantly have to remind myself that I don’t want to end up in the spot I had been four years ago. Living uncomfortable in you body has got to be one of the worst feelings in the world. You start to question how you got there, and why do I feel a certain way? I know that I’ve talked about the fact that when I was out of control and at my heaviest, that it constantly felt like an out of body experience. When I looked in the mirror it was like looking at a stranger.

I know that it’s a repeat of things I’ve said before. The fact remains that blogging had been the most therapeutic thing that I could have ever decide to do. It also helped me work on a skill that has made me a better writer for other aspects in my life. I feel like an example of that it’s never too late to get your act together and live your best life. I just wish that I wouldn’t have been as scared when I was younger, I wonder where I would have been had I gone to film school much sooner. Would I have wanted to be my own creator in the business? Would I have made something more of myself in the industry? Would I have all the amazing people in my life today that I do?

I believe that we are all on the path that we’re meant to be on in life. That’s why living in the present is so important, while I could go on with the what ifs, I’m happy where I’m at now. I have an amazing group of people who chose to share in my dream of creating content. It’s made me a better person, and it’s made them better people. I’ve been able to help give people a lift and feel better about themselves. I know that things happen in the time they’re supposed to.

I’m not that same person I was in 2005 when I saw Sin City(2005), there was a shit ton of baggage that I wasn’t even aware of at the time, guiding my decisions. I had not matured to the point that I needed to have the drive or the focus that I’ve been developing the last several years. It took me to be in my thirties before I even got the clue that I needed help, and I needed something more to find myself. Self improvement isn’t easy. Looking at one’s own faults is the hardest thing to do.

Too many times do I see that people want to put the blame somewhere else than themselves. Too many times I see how people can be hypocritical about life. We see the double standard that seems to run society. It is disgusting, and shameful. I’ve been there, I’ve done that. I’ve told my children to, “do as I say, not as I do.” I realize that it’s not effective parenting in the least.

We all need to start living more in the present. There might be something to that. Maybe people won’t struggle so much with past mistakes. Maybe we wouldn’t be so hung up on regrets? As a person who’s had the gastric sleeve done, I paid attention to the support groups, and I’ve seen people come up with regret. Some because they thought it was just going to be the easy way out. Some don’t like the way they look with all that saggy skin. It’s hard to see people struggle with these issues. At least they’ve given themselves a fighting chance to live longer, and more fulfilling lives. I guess not everyone can see that.

Which brings me back to the point of mindset. We think, we believe, and we can achieve. Positive mindsets, breed positive attitudes. I’ve been around some people who are so salty that that can’t seem to find positivity in anything. Unfortunately negative energies are easy to influence people around them. I remember being in a bad mood, just because someone was just negative about everything. That sad part is that it wasn’t that long ago that I was feeling that way most days. This is coming from someone who’s made a habit out of finding the silver lining in most situations. Covid-19? Stay-at-home-orders? Yeah, I said it was just a good opportunity to pay off some bills. I know that it’s not been like that for everyone, and that there’s been many who’ve had to stay home because of this. I think the best way to have dealt with it was that maybe getting those honey-do-lists done, or maybe pick up a new skill? Could work on that hobby that had been nagging in someone’s mind for sometime.

Now, I’m stepping away from the blog for a moment to ask you, the reader, a few questions. I’ve been doing this for the good part of five years now, and I want to know what it is that you like about my blogs? What do you hate? Do you think that I’m full of shit? How can I make it better? I want more interaction because I’ve had people tell me that they read, and that they follow the things I do. If this is your first time checking out the CK Project blog, give me a subscribe and become part of a bigger conversation.

With that being said, this is the director, and that’s a wrap.

When It’s Out of Your Control

Ten-percent, is the things that happens that’s out of your control. ninety-percent is how you react to it. This is something that I’ve mentioned several times over in the previous blogs in the past. With that, I’ve been pretty good about navigating life that way. It tends to work, and help keep the mindset in a good view on life. However, what happens when that ten-percent starts to push the bounds of comfortability?

Frustration has been something that has been going on with me for the last week or so. Is it because I’m having to depend on communications and technology from various areas, that aren’t immediately within my grasp. Anxiety of depending on things that I can’t control has been something I’ve really been feeling the last few days. I’ve also said before that technology can be great, yet there are times that I absolutely loathe society’s dependence on it. I think it’s funny because technology has made filmmaking even more cost effective than ever before.

I guess that the anxiety comes in because of the unknown. It’s common that people would get anxious during situations of uncertainty. It’s taken my focus and put me off track on things that are important for me. Regret can come from decisions that were made. I’m not trying to go there though, because in the end, I feel that I made the right choice. Though in hindsight I could have been a bit more patient before making the choice I made, yet here I am. I know that things will work out. I just need to take that frustration and anxiety, and turn it into patience.

The pressure is still there, especially when taking on responsibility. I worry about the fact that the choice I made could damper if my family is supported. Now, in the end I’m sure everything is going to be okay, but that unknown still puts me on edge. It just shows that I like to be an adult and take on those responsibilities that come from both being one, and being a parent. I strongly feel that where the anxiety comes in, when feeling like being a failure at either one.

One the bright side of the struggle is that once you get past the point and are guaranteed to make it through, the relief and piece of mind are well worth it in the end. So, what happens to those who don’t get to that point? What about those who fall down on “their luck”? These are often the people we see on the side of the road, holding up the Will work for money signs. What do we do about them? I think this is were things get tricky, because some become dependent on drugs as a way to cope with the hard times in life. There are those who also find it as a way to beat the system and take advantage of people’s good hearts. I’ve been in the situation where I’ve given money to those in need, and I’ve also ignored those who’ve been in need.

I’ve recently been put in that situation, and I’ve lost someone because of how I run my principles in life. I take care of me and mine first. If I’m unsure if they’ll be provided for, then I won’t help others. It may even sound harsher than I’m intending it too, but with the shift going on in my life, I wasn’t sure when the next pay check was coming, and I was told by someone that I didn’t really care about them. That’s the furthest thing from the truth, and it hurt. I just know that I’ve got to think of those I’m responsible for.

Anxiety and frustration are hard to control because life can get complicated. One of the things that I’ve learned is that there’s not always a right or wrong answer, the path isn’t always clear. It’s only the consequences of the decisions that we make. I realize that putting it that way makes it sound bad, but it’s just the end result. By my saying no to someone that I care about, because I’m taking care of my responsibilities, I may have lost that person in my life. I can continue on and do the best I can, hoping that person will understand and come back, or I can let it eat me up.

That’s something that I’ve had a bad habit of doing in my life though. I would let even the littlest of things eat me up. I’ve let too many negative situations and people live rent free in my head for so long. Is this something that’s a common occurrence with others? How do we over come such things? I think the answer is in forgiving, both ourselves and those who’ve hurt us. All any of us can do is try and be the best version of ourselves, and try and make the best decisions that we can. Does it always work? No. Some people tend to have self-destructive natures, and making bad decisions can have a certain appeal. It feels like an adrenaline junkie: Will I get caught? How long can I get this feeling to last.

This also brings up a point that I’ve stated in the past, we are our own worst enemies. I know that when anxiety, or depression come along, that’s when I’m not at my best. I start looking for some sort of validation, and continue to seek it. Strangely enough, usually they will follow each other. I remember times when I was working night shift hours, the anxiety of not being able to keep busy with conversation would start getting me to think about my depression. There would be times that just thinking about the dark places that I’ve been, would give me anxiety. It’s funny that I’ve noticed things in life tend to go in a vicious circle. Maybe there’s more than one reason it’s called the circle of life?

I’m not religious by any means. I consider myself spiritual because I do believe that there is a higher power. I hear my old, boxer friend, Philip in my head when he would tell religion is for those afraid of going to hell, spiritual is for those who’ve already been. Well, I’ve been there, and I think those who deal with some form of mental health issues have been there. PTSD, trauma, depression, addiction, these are all various versions of hell. Sometimes those demon’s win, which results in death. Losing a loved one in these situations is never easy.

Being one who’ve been on the brink of harming myself like that, a bit of an insider view is this: the better alternative isn’t always something that’s thought about. That’s not even an option on the table when going through some of those hard times. Yet, being strong enough to survive, and being able to find the help to deal with the issues can give a better outlook on life. It’s all about the mind, body, and spirit, when they are aligned, things flow better. Working out is a natural version anti-depressant. It helps the mind focus, and for some, it’s like a religion. Just something to think about, when getting into a negative mindset.

Patience is something that has been difficult for me to come by at times. I’ve not had much anxiety in the past few years because of that ninety-percent of how I handled it would be to try and keep positive through things. Do you have any suggestions on handling anxiety? Hit me up at ckproject@zohomail.com. Leave me a message or comment down below, and let’s get this conversation started. Don’t forget to subscribe to get the latest blogs when I write them. All any of us can do is to better ourselves, improve the way we treat each other, and hopefully leave the world a better place than when we got here.

I look forward to hearing from you, and hope that we can build a community and lift each other up. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Remember to Uplift Each Other

Part of the journey that I’ve been on has focused on helping others. This has one of the better aspects of my life. With that, it’s also nice to help uplift a friend when something good has happed. People like praise. People like to know when they’ve done a good job. While the cynic in me has teased a few people for overly trying to get that pat on the back, I understand the desire for recognition. While I’ve teased a friend, or a co-worker, I would say that it was all out of fun. Silently, I’ve been proud of the work that they’ve done. This was an attitude from another mindset.

Joke’s aside, I find myself trying to show how proud I am of people’s accomplishments. This year alone, not only myself, but several friends have seemed to have things go in a better direction. New jobs, new friendships, better choices in life. That’s what makes this year amazing so far, despite the fact that there have been a few instances that has left us questioning how the year’s going to go. Plus, my friends who’ve had Covid-19 have seemed to have taken a turn for the better.

I beam with pride to see the accomplishments of my friends, in particular my teammate. The people who are part of my inner circle, whom have been working with me with the filming part of my life. It’s amazing to see how the group is growing in friendship, support, and success. I find that this helps each with their, and my own mental health. To see how each of us had struggled with some sort of stressor, to find that a new adventure will help take us each on an unexpected journey, is truly a delight, in my opinion. I hope that this success rolls on into the things that we have intertwined together for this year.

I think what’s going to help deal with what’s going on right now in this world, is to do the best for a positive mindset. What about those who’ve lost loved ones to the pandemic? I get not everyone is going to be able to get through this without some rough times. I would never take away the pain that has happened as I’ve lost people to it as well. It’s part of the journey called life, and it’s during these times, that we find ourselves finding out who we are.

It’s training ourselves to think differently. I’ve seen where things look bleak. Hell, I almost took my own life when life looked darkest and I couldn’t seem to find a way out. Yet, we have the potential and power within ourselves to make a difference in the way we experience life. We don’t always have the answers, and I know even with the experiences that I have, I’m finding myself discussing things that I’ve not had to deal with. How can we figure these things out, without the knowledge to get there? I think this is where therapy can help. People far smarter than me, helped to get me learning a new way to think.

I used to watch Saturday Night Live when I was younger. Al Franken used to play this character named Stewart Smily, and he would look in the mirror and say this phrase that he would say at the end of every skit: I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me. I know that it was used for satire purposes, and that it was to get a laugh, but there was something there. It sounds crazy, but it works. It’s tricking your brain into believing something.

Self-esteem is often times something most people have little of. So many people are their own harshest critics. I know that I’ve tried to over compensate with having an inflated ego. It wasn’t the best way to handle it, but it was the only way I knew how to overcome anything. Remember when I said that I had been a toxic person? That’s the reason why. It’s hard to navigate through life, when you have no idea what you’re doing, or have no direction.

Which brings another point up: knowledge is power. I know a bit cliché, but it speaks to the messages we would get through our Saturday morning cartoons when I was growing up. NBC had that catch phrase of the more you know, with at little jingle while the wishing star flew across the screen. GI Joe, He-man, a time where it seemed like lessons where just as important then entertainment. Know what your worth is, too many people won’t let you know your true value. It’s fortunate when you can find those who see your value and potential. I’ve been blessed with those that I call to my inner circle, because they know my worth, as I know their’s.

I do fall short at times as I don’t always seem to show my appreciation and adoration for the woman that I call my wife. She does more than anyone could ever know. She’s dealing with chronic illness, healing from a major surgery, helping online schooling two children, one of which isn’t getting the best attention he needs, because of his special needs. On top of that she still finds time to take care of the rest of the family life, and tries to get stuff done for the brands. As I had said before, she truly is the captain that steers this ship. I just happen to be the charismatic mouth piece.

Yet, she’s the example of lifting others up. She just seems to have people not be as supportive towards her, and that’s not on any in this house. Though I will admit that I’ve not always uplifted her as well, this is just something to remind her that I do appreciate her, and the caring uplifting person she is.

It’s really a shame that this world has shown so much ugly, and I always wonder if it’s because there are those who feel that they’ve gotten the short end of the stick? I’ve know, and am related to people who just can’t seem to accept the responsibilities of their own actions. I’ve been there myself, but becoming self aware about these things has brought some peace, and it helps the stress levels. I feel it’s better to put out the positive energies and vibes than not.

This also leads me to have to say that I try not to give up on people, and I’m always optimistic that things will turn around for those who sometimes are toxic. I have those long time friends, whom I can’t seem to give up on. It gets hard to navigate because of their tireless complaining about how bad they have it seems to drain on my positive energy, and it gets tiresome. Even when explaining that they could look at it from a different point of view, it changes their tone for at least the rest of that conversation, yet seems to go back to the same thing every other time. I’ve considered stopping the contact, and I get sad about that idea, since I’ve been friends with some of these people for twenty-plus years.

Maybe that’s where balance comes in for my life as I’ve got those who are amazing and uplifting as well? It sucks when that energy sucking conversation is the normal for every conversation, and it doesn’t feel normal trying to have a normal conversation. I got stuck with some people this way, and I know that we don’t talk as much as we used too. I even had to say that I didn’t have the energy for that specific conversation at the time. We would be able to change the subject, but it felt kind of forced and unnatural.

Side note time: I found myself getting busy during the second half of this blog, because well, life happens. I noticed that I’d lost my train of thought for a bit as live is getting into a new normal for me as I’m about to embark on a new journey with a new job.

I lost some contacts through social media, of co-works, who I considered friends. I’m not mad that I was unfriended, just a bit sad about it. Sometimes I realize that I take things like this too hard. Maybe it has to do with some deep down need of validation? I just have to think that I have the important people in my life for a reason, and those who’ve I’ve had the chance to truly befriend are still in my life for a reason.

Thanks for taking the time and following me on my train of thoughts. Remember to like subscribe, share, spread the word. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.