The Words That Never Got Left Behind

In observation of Bully Prevention Month, I’d like to address the elephant in the room; you’re not aloud to continue to live in my head rent free. As a kid, hearing “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” was supposed to be a way of making ourselves feel better about the cruel words that get thrown our way. It’s supposed to show that we won’t be hurt unless it’s by some thing physical.

The sad reality is, that’s the farthest from the truth. While I would like to admit that physical pain is worse, the verbal bullying is the thing that continued to haunt me for so many years. I find that it had become more of a motivator to do better, but is that really the best thing for motivation? Shouldn’t we be motivated more by the positive things than, the things that bring us down? This is why we have so many broken people in the various sectors of society.

Body dysmorphia is something that I’ve seen to run rampant among young ladies especially. The society standards for what is the perfect look for a woman has been plastered across all forms of advertisement. It’s in your face that unhealthy skinny is the standard for women and anorexia is a problem that isn’t talked about enough.

Men aren’t any less targeted either. The underwear models with the chiseled physics and washboard abs are also shown in many places. The one difference is that men with dad bods, are more socially accepted, but are no less pressured to be perfect. Men talking about having self-image issues is considered a bit more taboo. Men are supposed to be viewed as strong both physically and mentally.

The thing that I will personally say about this is that dealing with being obese most of my life, I’ve dealt with the pressures and comments to look more appealing. I joke with my wife that if it wasn’t for chubby chasers, I wouldn’t have gotten anywhere with the ladies, her especially. Though, I do wish that I could have, the muscles and strong looking body, it’s taking work to get there. This is something that I personally want, but I’m not killing myself to get there.

Key reasons, while I workout and try to keep eating well, I still indulge, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m not going to hate myself for slipping a bit here and there. I know once I have the talk about skin removal surgery, that it’s going to take a bit of time to process. I found myself in that similar situation when I decided to get the gastric sleeve almost two-years ago.

Acceptance has been something that I’ve had to battle to come to terms with. I had those bullies running through my head with the words of how ugly, and fat I was. I hated myself because people had put those words into my head. I wasn’t good enough, and yet there was something that I did alright growing up. I did have friends and lovers. I was liked, but even with those realizations, I still had the negative words sticking in my head. I’ve had to learn to over come that.

I’ve embraced positivity, despite the way I’ve been treated during my life. I find that it helps me, because it puts something in the world that not everyone seems to be able to produce themselves. With that I’ve made many connections with some great people. I get more out of being positive, then having that negative mindset.

Unfortunately, not everyone is that way. Some people who get bullied, carry that chip on their shoulders for the rest of their lives. Hell, at one time, I did as well. I hurt some very good people and I’ve regretted it ever since. Those who carry that chip, bring the misery with them in most aspects of life. This isn’t something that’s uncommon in my professional life. I see it everyday, and the effects that it causes. I see it in some friends as they deal with people who bully them.

Now, I’m going to change this up a little, because I know a few of my followers are going to be reading this. I know that things don’t look very good for your current circumstances right now. You’re afraid to lose that, which is valuable to you. Keeping a focused mind is the only way that you will have to succeed. I get that the parties that are bullying you shouldn’t be that way, they are your family after all. Just remember to do your best, and that’s all anybody can ask of you. I’m a text, or a phone call away, and you have shown me the appreciation through our many conversations. You got this, and however things fall, you will grow as a person, and should be able to be better for all of it.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Smaller at the Same Weight

It’s no secret that I’ve been stuck in about the same five pounds for the last few months. It actually feels like an eternity now, but I know that’s not the case. Being stuck between 260-265 isn’t the worst thing that could happen. Yet, it’s a little discouraging at the same time. Now, when I first hit 265 I wasn’t fitting into some of the clothes I wear as good as I do now. What does this mean?

It feels that I’ve been dropping the fat still, but the balance between muscle and fat is going through a different ratio. Is there such a thing as a fat 265, compared to a thin 265? I guess this is where the next part of my weight loss journey is going to take me.  Again, everything is a learning experience, and I’m still learning to be a bit more mindful of my carb intake.

I find it surprising in what some of those things that are high in carbs are. I was looking at a Sobe Green Tea yesterday, and noticed that it had like forty-four grams of carbs. In a green tea, are you kidding me? Or if I’m looking at a low carb meal, the sodium is way up there. I’m like come on for fucks sakes. At least the Tuna I eat is low in carbs, and the sodium doesn’t seem so bad.

Again with life’s lessons: take the good with the bad. You can’t have the perfect anything. It goes to show that picking your poison isn’t so far off from just being cliche.

I think the next step in all this is too actually learn how to keep track of my macros. Keep a calorie/protein/carb count. A food journal would probably be best, yet I hate the idea of having to keep myself accountable for everything I eat. I hated it when it came to Weight Watchers. Shit! I think I just talked myself into it. It would be another way to hold myself accountable, and it might make me a bit more honest about what I actually do eat.

It’s strange to feel that I’ve come to a point that I have to change things up a bit to find a better way to get results. I’ve started to lift heavier, which will help burn the fat, and I’m trying to add the intensity to my workouts. It was getting to a point where I was getting it in, but the weights were becoming a bit too easy to do. One the plus side, lighter weights do tend to help with form. I’m learning that you can always improve on that though.

I need to still set up an appointment with my doctor for my next check up and start talking about the skin removal surgery. I think part of me is hesitating because of the fact that I want to be under 260 before I go, and another part of me isn’t looking forward to the recovery time. With that, I think there’s a bit of vanity that doesn’t look forward to the scaring from the removal. I have enough scars on my body as it is, but I’m being silly.

I continue to keep the course of getting everything done. I’ve put more commitment into this journey than any previous attempts, and I’m not looking back. I do falter at times, but I’ve come to the point that I just pick it up again the next day. Something I would sabotage myself in the past.

Something else that used to keep me down was the lack of will power, while I saw food, I would eat food. Now isn’t something that I have too many problems with these days. I can say no to cakes and sweets. Something that I wouldn’t turn down in the past. As I reflect, my journey has come a long ways, and I continue to grow on a personal level.

I’ve been happy to see that my friends have been inspired by what I’ve been doing and in turn taking their lives back and improving themselves. It’s not all about just having the weight loss journey for their stories, by over coming anxiety, pushing themselves out of the comfort zone to try something new, and to expand their horizons.

I know that in the end, this is all just another mental game that I need to overcome. Part of my problem is my brain still tells me when “I’m hungry” and that isn’t always the truth. Boredom still seems to dictate me eating at times. While it isn’t always there, it does creep in there from time to time. Again, mental game, and I need to keep the focus.

As I slip, I’m not always upset because I know that there is always the next time for me to continue to complete my goals, that a slip up isn’t the end of the road like so many people would think it to be. I know that there are so many who would feel like giving up with the stalls that I’ve seen. I’m fortunate enough to know that I will continue to improve myself and that the path isn’t always a downward slope.

Following the boards that I do on Facebook, and Twitter, I read how people will stall after several months and just want to give up. I know how frustrating it is, and the stalls that I have gotten into seem to last forever, but in reality are just for such a short time. I just have to keep telling myself that I’ve got this.

If you like my stuff, please leave a like and a follow, it helps to know that people do appreciate what I’ve got to say. This is the director and that’s a wrap.

Brain Matter on my Mind

Whether it’s the weight loss journey or mental health awareness, I find that the brain can trick the body into feeling something that’s not always there. I find that my brain wants to tell me that it’s time to eat, and that if I don’t actually take a moment to really analyze the situation, I might not really be hungry.

I find that if I get left alone in my thoughts for too long, I can start to over think, and self-doubt comes into play. This is one of my bigger weaknesses, as depression has always been there. It’s not nearly as bad as it used to be, however, I can still sense it at the outer edges lingering and giving me a moment to pause.

I suppose that’s why I try to stay constantly busy. This way I don’t have to give my mind to start lingering on stupid insecurities, and anxiety. I find that multi-tasking comes easy when I can listen to a conversation, and still type. This actually drives my family crazy as I can look at them and work on a blog at the same time.

The endorphins from exercising is an anti-depressant, and I know that if I take too long between my workouts, that I start getting depressed too. If more people knew, and I mean really knew about this little life hack, I’m sure everyone who suffers from depression would be in shape(joking).

It’s strange to realize how much the body and mind end up reflecting each other. I know at my biggest, my mind was in a terrible state, and I hated myself. Having the Gastric Sleeve sent me down a path that I never expected. I connect with people better, and it wasn’t like I was ever someone who would treat people negatively in the first place, but I seem to relate better to others, and myself.

It’s also helped me to realize my ambition, while most people spend their lives developing a brand that represents them, I’ve gone so far as working on three. The CK Project is probably where my legacy will be. As I’ve been making some great progress with it over the last year or so. It’s not surprising as this is my oldest and longest running of the brands. It all started as a way to hold myself accountable to others when I originally started my weight loss journey with Weight Watchers, eight-years ago.

It’s amazing that The CK Project went from weight loss, to mental health, and back to being both. It’s come full circle and I love it. We’re making plans on turning it into something bigger and better. Hell, we’re looking to make this go more professional, and can’t wait to let out the details. Speaking of growth, the experiences that I’ve had in the name of the project, has given me growth both personally and professionally. Things that I can carry unto other jobs that I may take in the future.

Another mind opening realization is that experience is the best teacher. I find that talking about my issues, has allowed me to regain control of my life. The more I talk about struggling with my mental health, the less power it has over my decisions in life. I find that I need to do better about pushing myself  when exercising. My mind still wants to tell me that I’m 430 pounds. I know I have issues with lunges and falling backwards.

I’m finding that inner strength that I have. I kept things quiet for so long, and it’s like I’m finally finding that voice to start the process to going Super Sayian. I have a ways to go, but it does help me push for those extra reps. Also, I’m afraid to push myself so hard that I want to puke when I work out. So, does that mean I’m not pushing myself hard enough?

I guess having a negative mindset for so long, really has done me some harm, and I hope that it’s not irreparable. The mind is fascinating, and is the most powerful tool in any person’s tool belt for improvement. At the sometime, if you don’t treat it well, or if you don’t get help to tune it up, it can do damage that might never be repairable. Keep that in mind when venturing on this journey of life.

Self-care is more important than most people want give the focus too. This is coming from my professional view point. Often time, mental health is considered taboo, and no-one is comfortable about sharing their feelings. Toxic masculinity has kept the man’s man, cold and hard of feelings. Yet, things are improving, people are becoming more woke to the issues at hand. I believe that it’s over all for the better, yet I think we’ve lost some things in a world of political correctness.

With political correctness, I feel that people have forgotten how to laugh. We’re no longer given the permission to laugh because of a joke, and people seem to get more offended now than ever. Maybe, it’s more that it’s not as easy to keep quiet these days? Where is the proper balance in-between the truth and satire? Can we laugh at the wrong things, and not be judged. Maybe that’s why Cards Against Humanity is such a popular game? I know where my humor is, and it’s got some dark places at times.

Anyway, keep a clear, focused mind, because it’s the one asset we have to help us get through life. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Something Big Is Brewing

I’ve gotten off from a great weekend. I got in an excellent workout on Saturday, published two blogs, broke down a script, and did a podcast. It was a great weekend, full of productivity, plus it was nice to give my three brands the love and attention they deserve.

As much as I’ve been struggling lately with the stars in life, it’s always good when I can get a weekend of positivity in. Mentally, being creative helps save me from myself. I can pour the energy and focus into it. It’s almost like an emotional rest for me. It gets complex, because of what emotions can develope from my writing.

I find that as a writer, I’m quite different than as person. In the real world, I’m generally positive, funny, and laid back. There isn’t much that upsets me, accept the enternal struggle with my mind.

As a writer, the subject tone is usually serious, and deep. I think that deep down, this is a way that I might be working through some of my emotional things. They say that a writer pours a bit of themselves into the characters. So, that either leads me to believe that the tragedy and traumas that I’ve suffered, might have helped lead me understanding a bit about other events that I might not have suffered myself.

At the same time, I know that anything I write, I would like guidance to give it authenticity. As I wrote the project Unexpected Side Trip, I wanted to represent the LGBTQA community as much as possible for the lead characters. As I work on the project I’ll be doing after, I want to do it justice as it deals with how people deal with grief from the loss of their child to juvenile leukemia. While I haven’t lost a child myself, I’ve had friends and family that have, and I want to represent it in the best possible light that I can. This is important to me, because this story has been in development for the last four years, and I’m just now able to get back to writing it.

We are working on some ideas to present with the Geekultural Experience, as right now the podcasting is some off the easier things to do. At the same time, it’s been a bit slow to gain momentum. https://anchor.fm/geekultural-exp/episodes/Cosplay-and-Halloween-e5d4v5 here’s the episode in case you’re interested in seeing what it’s all about. We’re thinking about hitting another convention for one day as we’re still really just trying to find our niche in this world.

Now, the big one that most people come to read about on these blogs, the CK Project. We’ve been working on merchandise, and I’ve had a few of the shirts made, and I think that they’re good quality. We just got some pull-over hoodies designed and in various colors. The response is great, and I’ve got a few people who’ve said that they were going to buy something. As this is going for motivation for weight loss and for mental health awareness, we’re looking to turn this into a non-profit organization. I think that I’m both excited and torn by this idea, but if it helps get the message out, then I’m all for the affect of progressing to something a bit different.

As for my progress, I’m currently at a stand still on my weight. I did however up the weight that I’m lifting. twenty-pounds added to my deadlift, and I felt like I was going to die. I’ve progressed on my kettle-bell, and the dumbbells that I’ve been using to do military presses.

I find that my circuit training had started getting to a point where I wasn’t getting the sweat like I had. I do also realize that going heavier comes with the complications of being able to injure myself easier, that’s why form is important. With that, I’m trying to take a bit more time with my reps so that I can be sure that I don’t hurt myself. Yet, I think this was also something I needed to help me get past this five-pound curse.

I will be checking-in with my doctor’s office tomorrow so that I could get back into my check-ins and to start the discussion of getting the skin-removal-surgery. I’ve been feeling uncomfortable in my skin lately. As I’ve been going along, I’ve started to feel that the surgery’s the answer that I need. Itchy, uncomfortable skin is a thing, so I’m going to deal with it until I don’t have to anymore.

I know that I put off my last appointment because of the fact that we had some earthquakes during that time. Now, I feel that I hadn’t because there’s something inside of me that’s afraid of getting the surgery. I’ve heard that it’s painful, and to be honest, I’m a bit anxious about having another surgery. That would include having to take off another six-weeks from work.

I guess that it’s the unknown that keeps me hesitant. I also know that I talk about self-improvement, so I should just take the plunge. This would be career wise as well. At least this is something that I’ve been actively taking into my hands over the last few years. It’s been slow, but with the weight loss, I’ve learned that I can and do deserve to be able to grow professionally.

I’m the director and that’s a wrap.

Please Pass The Fat Free Content

Going with the weight loss journey has brought forth several things to for me. As I’ve lost weight, my ambitions have pushed me to want to do more. Being open about my weight problems, and mental issues has been the most therapeutic thing that I’ve ever done. As I’ve stated before, the physical and mental state of a person’s body go hand-in-hand, and the state of one usually reflects the state of the other.

Getting exercise in, is one way to help keep the depression at bay. It’s a way to show one’s self that things can be accomplished as long as you have determination. I find that my phycological self tends to limit me from doing complete range of motion for some of the exercises. I noticed that it comes down to the fear of injuring my knees. I also hate the fact that I have a fear of falling backwards.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve had hurt my knees before, and the falling comes from the fact that I’ve suffered severe head trauma. As long as I get assistance, I’m not afraid go down in a lunge. Being heavy-set for such a long time has really done some damage, and brought about self-doubt about the things I can do.

This leads me to believe that while your mind is your most powerful asset, it can also sabotage your success. Ever feel like you need to eat do to time instead of hunger? Yeah, me too. As a matter of fact, it still tends to happen, then I have to remind myself that I need to pay better to what my body is saying instead of what my mind is telling me.

So I have this mind that has so much negativity thrown on me my whole life that I still have issues getting over the verbal damage as well. Remember, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me? That’s totally bullshit, why you ask? I still hear the taunts and names that I was called as a child. How’s that for having something define your life choices for so long. I do have a tolerance for people staying stupid things these days, so it takes something more original to really get me going.

The crazy part about the weight loss journey and the mental health awareness is the fact that they do go hand-in-hand. When I set out to do the gastric sleeve, I only thought about how it was going to affect me physically, In ever thought about how it was going to change me mentally. The truth is that I’ve been fundamentally changed for the better. I don’t have the negative outlook in life that I once did. I’ve become more positive, and it wasn’t like I was trying to force it, or fake it until I made it.

All any of it ever had to do was  start by taking the little steps forward. Talking about the things that bothered me. Some people have told me that I was brave for opening myself and my experiences up to others. While I’m glad that it’s guided people in  better directions, it’s only part of the reason why I do the things I do. The other side of that truth is that talking about it, takes the power have what happened away. The more I talk about it, the less power those events have on me. I can accept that what did happen isn’t the defining moments of my life.

With that being said; I find that sticking to mental health, and occasionally weight loss isn’t as easy to talk about any more. I mean I started talking about my mental health issues to help sort out my own feelings and leave an example for others to follow. I don’t struggle with them like I used to.

Yes, I still have an occasional bout of depression and insecurity, but over all, I’m in one hell of a better place than I was before. Now, I have to witness my wife go through these struggles with her Crohn’s Disease. This ends up being something that gets hard for me to deal with as I watch her get more discouraged as something new shows up with the things she deals with.

I sometimes find it hard to talk about the weight loss journey because I plateau, and it can be for long periods of time. I get frustrated getting stuck between a four and five pound difference. I know that eventually I will over come this, but it’s discouraging just the same. Again, remember the things we’ve been talking about the mind? Yeah, this is one of those things I was referring too.

In the end, we all have to choose the journey that we follow. Some of us choose to follow the journey to try and obtain the ultimate answer to eternal youth. Some look to follow the path to fortune and fame. Some of us look to better health. I myself follow the journey for better self-improvement. It has brought me closer to a section of people who share the common journey, and I’ve grown so much because of it. Especially in such a short time. Keep mindful on where your journey takes you.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Lose And Gain

So, it’s been a while since I’ve done the official “weight-loss” update. Here goes; I gained four pounds. Yep, that’s the official update, I’m back up to 264 pounds. I’m not even mad, I knew the plateau’s and the weight gains would just all be apart of the process. So remember that!

You see the commercials on television and in print ads that someone can help you drop all the weight you want by a pill or a drink, with minimal work. It doesn’t work that way, ever. The truth is that while you will drop the weight, there will be times that you level out, and even gain some. Remember that it’s just part of the journey, and I know that’s the part that people hate.

It’s the plateau’s and the gains that cause most people to quit. I mean who wants to see the number stick or go up? We didn’t get into losing weight to see the momentum go anywhere but down? I gained five pounds, and I’ve worked so hard not to gain, what kind of bullshit is this?

I remember the first time I plateau’d after my surgery, God it was frustrating! Man it was the longest time before I dropped weight again(actually it was like three weeks). I don’t think I got mad at myself, but it was disappointing. Yet, I knew even then that it was part of the process, but after seeing my first hundred pounds just melt off, it sucked.

I think some habits have also snuck back into my life, especially since I’ve been in a bit of a stressful situation. I still have a win because one, I’m aware of it, and two, I’m still staying active. I’m going to overcome this situation. This is just another bump in the road that I have to overcome.

Mentally, I’ve been a bit down, but nothing too discouraging to know that I can’t overcome it. The mind is your most powerful weapon that you have. If you believe, then you can achieve. I know that my mind tells me that I can’t do things, like lunges. It doesn’t let me do lunges, and it makes me feel afraid that I’ll injure my knee. I don’t ever recall injuring my knee that way, but it makes it hard for me to go down without some sort of support. If I use a chair, then I know that I can do it.

On the positive side, I’ve been learning about various exercises from the Men’s Health Magazine, Twitter page. One of the exercises, that I’m excited about is the Mt. Climber, I’ve seen it done, but I realized that when I’ve done it before, I didn’t have the proper form for doing it. Another exercise is called the Halo. It’s an exercise that can use either a dumbbell or a kettlebell and it works the shoulders. This one excites me because it hits the shoulders from several angles. A third exercise that I’ve seen on video from Twitter is called a pike press. Modified, I think it would be a good exercise for me to do a shoulder press.

Another thing that I can say that is on the positive side, is that I’ve been looking into what kind of mindset an entrepreneur should have. I know that it’s going to take time, and a massive amount of hard work, but I will get there. I also know that I’m pushing for “maximum effort” because while one brand, or business is a full-time job, I have three that I’m working on.

With that, this is where things get a bit more convoluted, the CK Project is my oldest and most popular of my brands.  It’s great because I find that it’s the easiest to give most of my attention too. I support the fact that I get to help others with mental and physical guidance. This is what helped me become a happier person, and the privilege to help others has been fulfilling.

The birth of The Geekultural Experience actually spun-off of a group that I helped create called The Geeks of the IWV.  The group was formed as a way to help my friend cope with the death of her son, and it’s done fairly well. While The Geekultural Experience started on Facebook, it seems to have a better following on Twitter. I find that I get the news on Twitter so much easier more readily than Facebook.

While I enjoy my these brands and they fill a very different aspect of my life, the one I’m most looking forward to picking up is my film company, Luckey Bom Films. It’s more because I would love to have them all to be more equal then they are, but I’m sure this will get there at some point. It’s hard trying to keep things sorted out, and each get more attention, at different times when the focus can shift to what’s taking the more precedence at the time.

What would you like to see me talk about? Is there anything you think could help take my brands to another level? Leave a comment, and let’s start a dialogue, I’d love to interact and get feed back on the things I’m doing. After all, criticism is just a tool for improvement. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Hard Work For Better Gains

As with anything else in life, you get what you put in. Eating right can some times be hard, especially since there are so many temptations being marketed out there. I find that it can be hard also because most “healthy options” are costly. Yet, this is an essential part of the weight loss journey.

Exercise is the second part that is essential for the weight loss journey, and is just as important as eating right. The harder the workout, the better the progress for shape and strength. This is something I struggle with because I find it hard to push through at times. I want that brief second of rest so that I can power through the rest of my sets. It’s usually right as I’m getting to my fourth round of my circuit training. Every time I do push, I feel like I want to die after my workout, which is a good sign.

Then it comes the really hard push, that will give me the momentous gains. That’s my brands. Working on one brand is a full-time job as it is, but I’m taking it even farther by having three brands that I work on. This is where I feel most of my success comes from, it gives me the focus that I need to carry out all my plans.

I have filled my life with all these positive things that keep me going in the right direction. I’ve had times where I was lost and I wasn’t sure where I needed to go, or where I wanted to go. With depression, there is many times that I would doubt myself. I would feel unworthy, I would feel like a failure. I felt that the world would be a better place without me.

With this mental level, I felt that my family would carry-on and eventually find better life if I no longer existed. At this time, I also felt that I was the worst person ever and undeserved of love. This is what depression feels like. Yet, if you would ask if I was okay, then I would say yes, because I didn’t want to burden anybody. I felt that I needed to deal with it on my own.

This is why I evolved the CK Project. It started out as a weight loss thing, to hold myself accountable, but after my period in the darkness, I had to make it something more. After watching people be affected by seven suicides, I knew that I needed to do something else. I felt guilty for having those feelings, I felt even more guilty that I wasn’t able to reach out to these people and try to let them know that they weren’t alone in this struggle.

I took my experience, and decided to use my story as an example that there are other ways then suicide, there are better options. At this time, I didn’t consider myself a survivor. All I wanted to do was help someone else. This was at a time that I still didn’t see the “value” in my own life.

Once I found purpose with going to school, things started to change. I found my direction, and the accomplishments that I was doing started to add value to myself. Investing in myself, was the right choice, and once I got to be a director, I found the thing that was going to keep me going.

By this time, I was getting used to putting in the hard work, but I needed to gain more. See what I did there? So, I was in the last leg of my schooling, and I started to realize that I wanted to change more because I didn’t like the way I was physically feeling. I felt that I wasn’t in the body I was supposed to have, and I was ready to change that too.

So, I started to look into having the gastric sleeve surgery. I had heard that it was the safest option, and I’ve known people who had it done, with no regrets. At that time, I decided that I hadn’t heard anything about the negative side, and one of my best friend’s had also considered the surgery, so I decided that I would blog about it, both the good, and bad. I wasn’t going to hold anything back.

So, using my CK Project platform, I decided that my experience could be used as a tool for others to learn from. I realized that it went full circle from weight loss to mental health, back to weight loss, but I didn’t fully realize the connection between the two.

This is why I keep so busy, because everything I do, outside of work is just another way in attempt to have an outlet. It was a struggle when I felt that I didn’t have that release from the stressful situations, and it just brought me down. I find things that could serve more than one purpose for me.

This blog is the perfect example, as it started out as something for a class, I did a bit of research after and discovered that this was a good place to start out as a blogging site. I decided that this would be a better platform than Facebook to talk about my issues, and it would make it easier to distribute on other social medias. So, where does this serve more than one purpose? Well, I figured that blogging would help me sort out my thoughts, and it has in so many ways. It also helped me as a writer, that was the other thing that I wanted, to be a better writer.

So, I’ve gained a therapeutic way to sort my feelings and experiences while using my struggles and examples to help others, and it has helped me with the written word, and to think as a writer. I’ve gone from writing an average of 412 words per blog, up to over 830 words a blog. My scripts have gotten better and longer as well.

So, my suggestion for everyone is to put in the hard work. The reason is because you’ll benefit and grow in way that would be unexpected. How do you find the motivation? Do the things you love, damn what others might say, unless you’re a serial killer or something, that’s not a good thing. Too many people seem to lose passion from their lives, and passion is a strong guide and motivator. Self-improvement is the best investment any person can have, because it isn’t something that can be taken away.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

Helping Others Through The Journey

Through Facebook, I’ve made several contacts in the Gastric Sleeve support groups. Through Twitter, I’ve made several contacts in the weight loss journey. It’s not only nice to network through these, as we all have common goals, and interests, but it’s a great feeling to be able to provide guidance throughout the process. It’s even better when you can bask in their successes with them.

I’ve recently befriended someone who doesn’t feel like she’s got the best support system at home, so  I’ve offered to be her support system. I can only imagine what it would be like to go through this process without the support that’s needed to get there. I’ve been more than abundantly blessed with the people I surround myself with. I attribute it to the kindness and charisma that I present.

That means, that treating others the way you would want to be treated is kind of a key rule if you want to get that support system that is needed. Do unto others and all that kind of philosophy in life. I can attribute that as how I live, and it’s done me well so far.

This brings up something else I’ve been trying to accomplish; being the support system people need. I’m aware that not everyone has the support they need, but I’m here to say that if it’s needed, reach out. I’ll be that cheerleader, I’ll be that guide. Everybody needs a safe place to turn when things seem bleak, or when things don’t seem right.

While I’ve felt like I’ve slacked off a bit, I’m continuing my journey, and I’m keeping up with what I’m supposed to do. I know that I’ve always been in my head about things, and I think that might be what keeps me going in the right direction. I feel that keeping mindful, does help me to know what I need to work on. This is something that I didn’t quite have in the past.

At the same time, I have the never ending battle within myself that wants to do the opposite. There hasn’t been times that I’ve wanted to give up, and I think that’s a check-mark in the right direction. My clothes are telling me that I’m doing the right thing as they seem to be getting bigger on me as well.

This isn’t a journey that’s ever going to stop. It’ll evolve, it’ll grow, but it will never stop. It’s also a journey that’s lead to other journey’s. The biggest fact on my weight loss journey is that it took a cross path to a mental health awareness. Mental health has been something I’ve dealt with just as long as my weight. The only difference is that I didn’t have the resources to deal with my depression.

All this experience, is available to those who ask for it. I’m willing to share, and if it’s something that personally can’t give an answer for, then I’ll do my damnedest to help find the right direction to go for those answers. I do have a friend in the phycological profession that I turn too for finding resources at times. She’s been a good friend for years, and I adore her company.

This is a world that would benefit if we all would be kinder and willing to help get through our struggles. However, there are negative energies in society that would rather watch the suffering and pain of others. It’s sad that greed and pettiness tend to dominate the world around us. While individuals are starting to get “woke” to what’s going on around them, progress is slow and it’s going to take time before we get to the state where we’ve evolved enough to realize how silly greed and pettiness are.

Yet for the sake of transparency, I have these brands that I strongly support. The CK Project  seems to be my more popular one, and I have merchandise for sale. The goal is for the hope that my experience can help make me some money and help support the movement, and support my family. I would love for this to be my full-time job. I would hope that this would one day be one of my main focuses, aside from Luckey Bom Films, and The Geekultural Experience. 

So, if you find that you support my message, and that my experiences have helped, please take a look at: https://teespring.com/stores/the-ck-project. Not only is this a way to represent the CK Project, but it helps get things moving in a better direction for us to keep going, and becoming more independent. It’ll allow us more time to dedicate to the movement, and other projects that we’re involved in. Also, don’t forget that we have a podcast, that we’re working on providing a weekly show at: anchor.fm/CkProject/. This podcast is available on seven different listening platforms.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

 

Turning Up The Motivation

I have so much going on in life. I have many things that could knock me down and keep me from moving forward, yet I choose to keep my head up. I’ve got so much else going on in my head that keeps me going forward. Recent events have reminded me that it’s all in how you respond to the situation at hand.

One of the things that has come up with the change of shifts is that now I’ve been reminded of what the heat is like. I choose to continue to get my steps in, and I’ve had to pay attention to how my body feel so that I don’t over exert myself. I had to take some time and cool off so that I wouldn’t get sick while working. It’s something that I have to be more mindful of as other’s including myself have suffered from heat stress at work.

The scale hasn’t been my friend lately as I’ve not been consistent on when I weight myself and what I’m wearing. My numbers have been jumping around from about two-sixty to about two-six-eight. Those numbers feel a bit deceiving as I’ve weighed on different scales. It’s strange because my clothes still feel like they’re getting bigger on me.

I’ve been having a strange feeling of being uncomfortable in my skin lately. It makes it feel itchy, and sticky. I know that I wear protective wear at work, but it really doesn’t help me being conscious of how much extra skin I have. This has been a new sensation for me, and I feel at odds with it. I find myself battling with wanting to rip my skin off, and wanting to continue to push myself past this to lose more weight.

Something that we ended up doing last weekend was visiting Disneyland. It was something that we had been planning for awhile and we took Sarah’s cousin with us. It was good to watch someone experience their first time, and watching the reactions of my kids are always the best. I laughed at the shouts of joy and fear. I smiled watching everyone get excited for the drops and turns. Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge was the whole reason we decided to go, so we could check it out finally.

The exciting part of the trip was that I got to stand under the Millennium Falcon, my twelve-year-old-self got to experience something that I never thought that I’d be able to do. The land was exciting,  yet crowded. Seeing the droids, and the different collectables were very nice. We even had breakfast there. This experience really made me realize a few things about The CK Project.

The CK Project is more than about mental health awareness, and my weight loss journey. It’s about living life to the fullest, while bettering one’s own personal self. I think next summer we’ll start going on more adventures. One of the things I want to do is white water rafting. I also want to go cliff diving, and more challenging hikes. Experiences are better than any thing that can be bought in a store. Shared experiences and adventures are what I love to do with my family and friends. I feel that it brings us together and strengthens the bonds we share.

Now more than ever, I think it’s important to remind those we love that we do love them. Hold them, embrace them, remind them that they are important. Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve lost people that I’ve known for years, and it reminds me  of the important things in life. That is one of the unfortunate things about getting older; the fact of mortality reminds us more often than not, that life is often too short, and there are times that we take for granted the things we have.

I guess that’s where my motivation has been lately: thinking about the important things. Keeping the outlet going for me to find a level-headedness. Life tends to throw things at us, and it can build up to an unmanageable pile, if we let it get there. I’m doing my best, and that’s all anyone can expect of anyone else.

Well, for a bit of cross promotion, I’m getting ready to do the final parts of the pre-production process to film my next short. Now’s the time to break it down into smaller, more manageable parts. The next process is breaking down the script into a list of characters, props, and scene pieces that are needed.

On top of that, The CK Project is getting ready to march in it’s second parade, and I’m finding things that I will need for a later time to represent the brand better. I feel like a banner will be something that I need to obtain for future things that I’ll be involved with, i.e. videos, marches. What a time to feel like things are really starting to pick up.

This is the director and that’s a wrap.

 

Troubled Little Fish

Last night I finally got to sit down for a minute during my extremely busy day at work, and I learned that I had lost a long time friend in a car accident. She was one of the fist people that I had ever befriended while working at McDonalds, and wile our paths separated, we were brought back together through the miracle of social media.

In our little town, this lady didn’t have the best reputation and I’ve probably got more friends who didn’t like her, than those who did, but she was my friend. She was troubled in life, some people want to call her a drama magnet, but I saw her as somebody who wanted help, but had trouble trusting those who could help her. I know this because we talked about things that I don’t think she shared with many people.

Some of the issues she dealt with were some of the things that I could relate too. My salvation was that I had to find the help or it was going to destroy me. I don’t mean that metaphorically either. Maybe her extreme calls for help was just to get attention, I really can’t say.

It’s frustrating to know that her life was taken from someone else’s careless decision to run a red light. She’d been in a few accidents, so to hear that she was launched from the vehicle because she wasn’t wearing her seat belt was shocking. Though as I think of it, I’m not sure that I’m completely surprised by it.

Like I said, my friend was troubled. She had a history of alcohol  abuse, low self-esteem, and depression. I did what I could to help, mostly being a shoulder to cry on if she needed it, but I always wanted the best for her.

We weren’t particularly the closest of friends, and there were times she’d ask for me to do something and I had to put my foot down, but it’s because I didn’t think what was requested would do any good for either one of us.

So it puts me in a weird place as to realize that I’m troubled by her death. Death isn’t something that usually bothers me, but seeing someone that I shared a bond through depression, and metal health issues, seems to hit me at my core. I’m glad that she was able to get clean, and I think she was finally trying to make the choices that would lead her out of the vicious cycle that she would always fall into, but I can’t be sure.

All I know is that I hope that she can find the piece that she might not have found with her time here. You’ll be missed by many.