The One-Sixty Point

So, I stepped on the scale the other day to do my weigh-in update, and I was fully clothed and I couldn’t process the number of 271.2 pounds. For a minute I couldn’t think about if I had lost or gained weight. I replaced the batteries because they were low, and took off my shoes to check in again and saw 269.9. I even checked it three more times. Yep, I lost more weight, six pounds as a matter of fact. It was strange that I couldn’t fathom the thought that I had lost that much in such a short amount of time.

Even more craziness is the fact that I haven’t been this weight since we first moved to California in 1997. It’s like I finally shedded off all the stress weight that had haunted me from the last nineteen years. Could this be part of the next part of a new phase for my life? My depression has been under better control than ever before, and life is taking off in unexpected directions.

I’m in a pants size that I hadn’t been in since high school, and that’s even more incredible. I find that funny that as I’ve lost weight, the places that I’ve lost inches and changed shape in areas that I wasn’t quite expecting. I guess that’s why twenty-two years ago, things hung on me different than they do now. Different movements, exercises, it’s crazy. Though I think it’s far different now, because experience has given me a different look at being disciplined  in life, and how my values have changed.

Today things are different because I’ve found the path in life that I wanted to take. I mean I knew at a young age that I wanted to eventually be a father. Yes, it’s not been easy, especially since my eldest child is way too much like me, and we’ve often times butted heads because of it. I never regretted having children, and they are everything to me. I love them, even the one who isn’t my blood, she’s a great kid, even if we struggle with some of her experiences in her early childhood. I’m not sure the want of kids because I was raised an only child, I do wonder if that could be why?

I think the decisions to becoming a filmmaker, and in turn a blogger, and then a podcaster was the focus I needed in order to embrace that which made me, who I was, both good and bad. I’ve added the layers to help become the person I am.

Becoming a director and to tell stories was given because it was a skill that I ended up developing when I was younger and telling stories. It’s the outlet I always needed, as I’ve been involved in various forms of entertainment since I was in grade school. Writing was something that I discovered that I enjoy as well.

Dealing with depression and viewing others experiences, and losses had lead me to blog about my struggles, as a means to help express myself, and always had the hope that others would find some sort of enlightenment from it. I’ll admit that wasn’t the only motivation to blog. The other reason was that I wanted to become a better writer, and apply that to my scripts. So far, I think that it’s come along quite aways. Again, I have no regrets in that decision.

I had the idea of becoming a podcaster for a while. It was always one of those ideas that I had in the back of my mind and we had toyed with it a couple of times before we found a solution that would work for us to present our material. As we go along, we’ll get better and develop better techniques. Again, hosting has been an idea that I wanted to do.

160 pounds down, and it feels that life is just really starting to take off. It motivates me to get more done. Life is getting better, and I’m always glad that people have taken to joining me on this journey. It really gives me a sense of validation, and I have a few who have been more than vocal about the changes they see. The praises are more than humbling, and it drives me to do even better.

I had no real direction, and I had to find a point to start to put my life back together. If you ever feel that way, the first thing I would suggest is take a long hard look at yourself, and ask the question, “why do I feel this way?” It’s not always an easy answer, and sometimes it ends up being a bitter pill to swallow when the answer smacks you in the face, but don’t deny it. It’s easy to be in denial about oneself, I’ve been there a few times, at least. If you can get over the ego, and the pride, you will grow. I think that self improvement is the only way to better themselves. The key to find myself was to invest in myself, and it’s gotten so much better.

With that, this is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Fifteen Month Check-Up

I had my check up on March second. I was greeted by Dr. Morgan, who has been the man that I’d been seeing mostly for the last year. I was glad to see that I had another loss and that I’m now currently sitting at 276 pounds on the dot. It’s amazing to see where I was last year compared to now, or even compared to where I was two years ago.

It feel good to go to work and someone that I hadn’t seen for a while comment that I looked malnourished, I found it to be funny that people think that I’ve lost so much weight that it was hard to recognize me.  Man, I really feel that I’ve come a long ways, and even better I’ve got to a twenty-two year low, with the fact that my pants are smaller than I was when I first moved to California.

I will admit that I think that I started to fall into a bad habit again with sneaking a few snacks here and there, but I’m going to correct that. I think that the fact that I can admit that and am aware is a step farther than I was before this whole thing started.

Before I continue on with the story, The CK Project has started a podcast: https://anchor.fm/CkProject/episodes/Introduction-to-the-weight-loss-process-e2qsnt/a-abgq9b 

https://anchor.fm/CkProject/episodes/Depression-1-e2qso8/a-abgq9b

These are our first two episodes, we’d really like to get them out to everyone, and get an opinion on what we’re doing.

As I look back, it’s been almost a year since I started to train with Sam over at Flawless Victory MMA, and I’ve enjoyed it. It’s not easy, but anything worth doing is never easy, but there have been so many benefits that have come from this whole process, and I’m getting that much closer to my goals. I remember when I had over 100 pounds to go, and being stuck in the sizes that I had been wearing since I was the biggest size I was.

On top of all that, I’ve decided that it was time to purge my closet of those things that are too big for me. I think this is a big step because it’s another step away from the past self that I’ve held on to for so long. I know that mentally I still have a ways to go, but I’m getting there, and I’m mentally more sound than I have been for some time.

I finally got past my creative funk, and all it took was for me to finally release The Reunion(2019), and I’ve gotten so much positive responses for it. If you want to see it, just hit me up and I’ll send you a link. I don’t try to cross the brands too much, but it’s always good when they come together for something that each can benefit from.

The crazy thing is, with working on three brands, I find that each one takes the main focus at different times. The CK Project is where most of the every day focus goes, and I’m making amazing connections through those who would be on the weight loss journey as well. I find that Luckey Bom Films is where most of my true passion is, because it’s the part that really saved my life when I was lost. With the Geekultural Experience,  it showed me something else I had a passion for, all things related to pop culture, and this last one is dedicated to my friends, and the son they lost because of the connections that has been brought into my life.

They come together and add to the layers in my life as it is. I’m happy that I can use my experiences in life to help others, there’s a joy there. I like that I can tell a story and have people connect somewhere emotionally to it. I also love the fellowship that comes out of celebrating what people are passionate about.

What is it that you’re passionate about? What makes your day get going? How do you feel when others tell you that it’s okay to follow your dreams? Sure people might think that it’s bullshit, and that they should play it safe, but like I said before, anything worth doing is never easy. If you can find a way to make a life out of what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life. Not all of us are gifted with the silver spoon, but the journey to get there is fun, and I’m excited to see what it’ll be like to finally make it.

This is a much lighter director, and while doing what I love, this blog is another wrap.

 

 

 

Bad Habits?! Don’t You Come Back

As with anything in life complacently kills. Sometimes we get to a point in our lives that we are comfortable with the way we feel, and things tend to start sliding back into our lives. This is generally true for us who go through the weight loss journey. I’ve seen and know people who have had some form of weight loss surgery, and they’ve gained the weight back. They may not have gained all the weight back, but sometimes they do gain a  good amount of it back.

Let’s look at the fact that us “fat people” go through when loosing weight. It feels good, hell it feels fucking fantastic going from a large weight, being in pain, and hard to breath; to going to fitting in smaller clothes, being pain free, and able to breath without troubles. The troubles that come with this feeling is that sometimes it’s hard to remember that it takes hard work to keep the weight off, and start to take the new body for granted.

That sometimes fills the vanity in us as individuals. Hell there’s a whole industry built upon vanity. Plastic surgeries, make-up, the dietary market.  Gym memberships go up after the holiday’s in preparation for the summers for people to get that “beach body”. Some people feel that once the goal weight is reached, their work is done. I know better since I’ve done the diets, and it’s crazy to see that the hard work has to be continued. That’s the only way to success.

I get baffled that people want to have the good looking body, yet they want to continue with bad eating habits, and an inactive physical life. I’ll admit, that looking better naked is a benefit to my weight loss. It was never the motivation that got me there, however the lady in my life doesn’t complain one bit. Health was the main focus, and while I was getting physically fit, I didn’t realize that my mental state was also getting better.

After everything that I’d gone through in the last several years, it was the surprise that mentally I was changing for he better as well. The food was poisoning my body, and the negative thoughts, the depression, the anxiety. These things were poisoning my mental well being.

When I was coming out of my mental break-down, I started to use positive reinforcement to change the direction of my life. I set out myself to be positive, more for myself than anything else. People around me have also benefited from my positivity, because I’ve been told that it’s brought their moods up  at various times.

It’s amazing to think that once I started to take the journey, it took steps to get the process  going. Finding the creative outlet was the start, giving myself a better hope for a future I wanted was the first step in this long process. It would take a bit of time before I would realize that I needed to physically change as well.

Once I took that path, this was something that I wasn’t counting on fundamentally changing me. I’ve not had any strong bouts of depression since, the six-week recovery process from my surgery. I’ve been stronger than ever, and I constantly push myself to do more activity. I have people come up to me at work and tell me that they watch me do my laps to get my steps in, and it’s a conversation that takes place in their offices. Not only that, but the inspiration I’ve been showing others, makes me feel good.

It takes time to change, it takes time to do things to improve yourself. It’s not surprising when bad habits come back in, because at first you think that it’s only this one time. Then later you give yourself the excuse that you won’t let it come back totally, but another time won’t hurt. That’s when the sense of false security falls in. It was about five or six months after my surgery, when I decided to try a donut. I had been around them for months, but I was able to resist them. This one time I decided why the hell not, that it wouldn’t hurt just to have one donut. I was wrong, and I felt like I was going to die for the next half hour. I don’t even know why the process of it was going through my head. I don’t have any desire to eat donuts, and honestly there are times that I might eat something because it’s there, but I realize it, and I try not to let it happen often.

The success in all of that is the fact that I weighed-in the other day, and I was down 153.7 pounds. It feels amazing, yet unbelievable to see that I’m sitting at 276.2 pounds right now. That means that I have about sixteen pounds to go before I hit my next small goal weight. Now that I’m over fourteen months out from my surgery, the weight isn’t falling off like it used to be, yet I still push and kick ass. With a BMI of thirty-nine-point-six, I’m feeling pretty fit. I know that I have a long ways to go before I get to the weight I want to be, but it still feels good for the success of my hard work. I’m not stopping now, and I don’t plan on stopping ever, because the after effects of the workout is part of what makes me feel better.

Just keep in mind that if at anytime you decide to change your life in any aspect, please, pay closer attention to the things you do, and why you’re doing them. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

The Work Flow Struggle

So, I’ve been working the night shift for the last four weeks, and I’ve got about five-and-a-half months to go before I’ll be able to change to back to another shift. I’m not complaining about the work, because night shift is easy, and it allows me to get in my ten-thousand steps relatively uninterrupted. There are other pluses about the shift, like not having to deal with the every day politics that goes on during the normal working hours, and I’m not killing my skin by being out in the sun all day, yet being a family man has put a damper on some of the ways I spend my “quality time” with them.

That’s one of the tricks there, having to switch between the days, and nights during my days off, so that I can see, and be with my family, so they know that I haven’t forgotten them while I “burn the midnight oil” while I’m at work. So, my sleep schedule is shit, but I’m not going to let a little thing like sleep, keep me down. I find that the first half of the week starts  out stronger than the second half. Once I hit my Wednesday-Thursday part of the week, I’m ready to be done, and I find it harder to keep awake.

Outside of that, I find that my creativity is down and that I’m only really able to get things done on the Sunday that I stay up to get ready for my work week. This has made me consider and possibly long for the days of being on day shift. I did it for ten-years, and I find that being creative comes better for me at night, then it does during the day.

This presents a problem as I’ve got a couple of projects that are going to be moving into the pre-production stage relatively soon, and I have several things to do before we actually start filming. I can’t wait until the days of my brands making the living that I’ve been looking forward too.

The reasons that I decided to go to the night shift was to be able to have the knowledge that I’ve done every set of shifts on the weekday side, and it gives me the chance to learn aspects of the job, that wasn’t necessarily a part of the day shift. That and the fact that I could focus on getting my steps in during the shift. While day’s are busy, it doesn’t give me much time to get the steps in.

So far, I find that I prefer the mid-shift because it was a good way for me to get a good amount of sleep. My sleep schedule wasn’t shit, which was a first in the ten-plus years being at my job. I liked that it started out being busy and would start to slow down about half-way through so that I could get my steps in. I know that it sounds a bit selfish, but with the journey that I’ve taken in my life, I feel that the motivation isn’t misplaced. The only down side of doing the mid-shift was that I spent even less time with the family, but it made the weekend’s even more special.

Anyway, I’ve got about twenty-one more weeks until we get another shift change, and “my momma didn’t raise no quitter”. It gives me the chance to continue to work on my personal goals, with my steps, and weight loss. I just hate the fact that my work week consists of me in the internal zombie mode until about the time I actually go to work.  The cold at night has been sucking lately, and I’ve had to get thermals to help keep me warm. Yet, I will endure.

I’m sure that given enough time, I will figure everything out and get the creativity flowing before I actually have to go to work, and that means, I might have to start from the time I get up, until my shower to actually work on things. That’s not such a bad idea, now that I think about it.

Speaking of projects, The Reunion should be out in a couple more weeks, as I’ve gotten the title credits done, and sound editing done. Now I just need the music, and do the end credit sequence and I’ll have it out. I feel happy that I can now do basic animation on Adobe After Effects.  That was something that kept me from getting anything done with the short, and while I changed the way I was doing things, I think that it came out decent, and I totally think that practical effects is going to be the way I prefer to go, until I get that big budget movie money to hire a real CGI expert. Movie making is a team effort.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Putting Tabasco on the Basco

I want to give a huge thank you and shout out to Sam Basco. We’ve known each other for twenty-years, and for most of that time we kept talking about doing some working out together. I would find excuse after excuse on why I wasn’t ready to work out with him, and that was how things went for many years.

Sam’s a good guy, he has a love of comics, martial arts, and health. Among other things Sam has written articles on the subject of physical fitness. As I’ve discovered, Sam is really a jack-of-many-trades when it comes to personal training. Not only is he a coach and a personal trainer, he’s also a dietician, a physical therapist, and teaches me life lessons.

Sam’s been the right element to help push my physical transformation. He keeps me honest, and knows when to push me to go harder. He’s also been helping me find my inner warrior, which is something that I never sought out before. I appreciate it because there have been times in my life that I needed more than I was getting, and I wouldn’t stand up for myself. I would just take, and take, until I exploded.

I was out of control and I had no direction. Now things have become different, I’m different, more motivated. It sometimes seems like it’s been easy, but these improvements have taken years to come, and my willingness to change. Sad part is, death was the eye opener. I felt like I was on my way there, and there was a point that I didn’t care.

It sounds kind of selfish now that I think of it. I mean, I have a loving wife, great kids, so why wouldn’t I care about living? Being a depressant doesn’t work like that, all the thoughts are, of wanting the feeling to end. I remember doing things while being depressed that would defer me from having to deal with those feelings. Sarah didn’t understand. The children just say that dad was closing himself off from everyone else. I just wanted the feelings to go away.

Again, it’s a shame that it takes something major to wake yourself up from whatever is going on. I think that the sign that God sends. You need to deal with your issue and buy putting something in front of you, or in this case myself. I had to decide how I was going to handle it. Did I want to continue down the same self-destructive path that I had been on for a few years? Did I want to find that light at the end of the tunnel?

Finding that light was deciding that I wanted to improve my quality of life. I had enough of quantity, and I needed substance to fulfill myself. When I say quantity, I mean I was living off of the pleasure of satisfying my insecurities with food. All the food, all the time. Depression, feed the comfort food to it. Boredom, keep the entertainment by feeding the mouth and keeping the taste buds distracted. Yet, there was always something missing. I wasn’t ready to be goal oriented. I was just skating by with a job, and home life, there wasn’t anything else, and I knew that I wasn’t satisfied, but I didn’t want to listen to myself until the possible loss of employment changed my life.

I wish that we as a a society didn’t have to wait or deny that our persons need a change from self-destruction. I wish that I was “woke” to the situation that I needed to change something. Unfortunately, that takes a courage that all too many times  we lack. Is this because of our vanity? Or is it that change is something that most people seem to fear?

Too often we are taught in society that different isn’t good. While it seems that some of society standards have changed there are those who can’t seem to grasp change. Racism was the social norm until the civil rights movement changed that. Yet, you still hear that hatred being perpetrated, just on a quieter scale. Classism on which people of varying economic levels, view those of a lower class to be beneath them.

Is this why people are ingrained to ignore changes needed in their behavior? Is it truly that rare case in where someone decides to break the social standards, and rise above their giving station in life? I lived a very self-serving life when I was younger, and while I was always a “nice guy”, I had my own motivations for doing things. In a way I still do, just now I choose to help others, because in my motivations, it brings me happiness to see someone better themselves. I wish there were more people like that.

I would hope that anyone reading this would take a look at themselves, and see what changes they might need in their lives. If for any reason is to reflect on the types of decisions that they might make, or constantly make. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Buck Fifty and Some Change

So, I had waited a few weeks before I decided to weigh myself. I was fully dressed and it was the middle of the day when I decided to get on that scale and check my weight. There’s days that I don’t feel that I’m doing well enough on my journey for weight loss, and when that happens, I don’t feel confident enough to check my weight. I had taken a week off from my personal training because I had changed to the night shift at work.

This move has defiantly been a challenge to adjust, especially since I’ve never had to put in late hours like that before. The first week, was about me trying to adjust and not feel tired all day. Yet, that’s how the first week on night shift felt like I was in a zombie state all week. This week was far easier to handle.

Any way, taking that week off from my workouts, I had a week where I felt fat. That is something I still struggle with. I’m not sure that those feelings are going to go away at anytime soon. It’s the reprogramming from the years of abuse that I need to remember isn’t going to be undone in the foreseeable future.

Anyway, as I stepped on the scale, I weighed-in at 279.9. The  awesomeness also came in the fact that my BMI is at forty-point-two. It’s exciting to know that I’m still doing well, and that a week didn’t hurt to take off, at least I was still getting in my 10,000 steps in.

Great news in the weight loss journey, plus the fact that I’m also down another size in pants, I’m feeling really damn good about it. I’ve been working so hard to get down, and I still have a ways to go, but to have a non-scale victory is just as good, as seeing the numbers go down. As long as the motivation to keep moving and doing the best job to keep active goes, that’s the important part.

I want to give a shout out to some people that have come up to me in the last few weeks to thank me, and tell me that I’ve been an inspiration to them. Thank you, and also you’re welcome. This is the reason I started to use the CK Project as a tool. I wanted to be an inspiration for people to want to better themselves. So comments like that, just show that I haven’t been waisting my time by putting my stuff on social media. That’s a skill that I’ve been working on for a while now, and finding new avenues to present things would be. Remember that my main page for it is https://www.facebook.com/ChrisKeelingProject/ and I’m on Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, Snapchat, and newly MeWe. 

Not only am I about inspiring others, but I feel that we as a people need to help and look out for each other. I had an unfortunate situation at work as I learned that a co-worker had passed on while at home. I can’t say that I was completely surprised as he was starting to get up there in years, and he wasn’t in the best of health. The hard part is that the last time I had seen him, he had been looking a bit rough, and then hearing co-works say that he’d seemed different, and that they had feared that he was getting too sick to actually be effective at work, makes me sad. If you see something wrong with a co-worker, please say something. It might be the thing that might help to keep somebody from perishing before their time. I wish that I would have known that it was that bad, I would have suggested him to get checked out.

He was a great guy to know, and I think work will be a bit less bright with out him there. This has been the third death that has happened within the last few months that has hit a bit too close to home for me, but life goes on, and I hope that this doesn’t keep happening for a while. Too many good people have pasted lately and it’s emotionally taxing when you’ve got those who need the support because of their loss. It’s a painful reminder that we’re all getting older.

On another positive note, my eldest child got done with school this past week, and I’m proud that she’s got a bright future in front of her. I can’t believe that she’ll be eighteen soon, and ready to fly the coupe. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Push Forth Good Sir

Sunday, the day of rest. Well that’s the way it’s supposed to go, but this weekend it was the day that I pushed myself harder. My trainer Sam asked me if I’ve ever thrown up from working out. The answer was no, however today I pushed myself into a nauseous state. After I was done working out, I had to take a few minutes to myself in the car to gain some type of composure.

So goes my Sunday, I call it the iron church. I find myself going to the gym on Sunday’s more than any other day of the weekend. Our bodies are our temple. I feel that building a better me, means that I have to build a better temple, and what better way to sacrifice by blood, sweat, and hard work. I’ve been working out for almost a year. I’ve been doing the 10,000 steps for over a year now. I’ve gotten better about getting those in. I do have a days that I don’t feel like getting them in, and some days life gets in the way, however most days are filled with 10k plus. My current record stands at twelve days straight of getting in my steps. Since my fortieth birthday, I’ve been attempting to get in forty-days straight for my steps. This is a challenge I know I’ll eventually accomplish.

So I go to the gym today and do some treadmill. It wasn’t really about speed or distance, but I found out that I can do a seven-point-one, and I can keep it up for an amount of time. The biggest problem that I’ve been finding doing treadmill work is that I move, and no matter how tight I’ve tied my sweat pants, they seem to start to fall down.  After that I worked on arms, shoulders, and back a bit. I used heavier weight then I’m used to, and I push through the pain a bit. So, I’ll say that it was for the win today.

I was also rewarded with a non-scale victory today. After I came home and took a shower, I noticed the pants I was wearing were a bit big on me. The size of my pants were a 42×30, and that was the size I was in in 1997. So, without me checking my weight, it’s nice to feel that inches are still coming off. I’ll have to get that weight check in next weekend.

Besides pushing myself harder in my workouts. My circuit workouts, do also push me, by the way. I think people should do that in other parts of their lives. Wither it’s work, or  new experiences, it’s the perfect way to grow as a person. The sad part is that there are  too many people comfortable in what they are already doing.  I feel that people should strive to better themselves. You can always improve on something in your life. Health, wealth, learning. There’s always room for improvement. I’ve had many friends confess that they were scared of change. I’ll admit, that there’s a bit of hypocrisy as I write this. I want to change my station in life, but I haven’t just thrown “caution to the wind”. Though I am trying to get to the point were I will be doing what I want to do, instead of keeping it as a side thing at the moment.

If you’re feeling stuck in life, or bored of the way things seem to be going. I suggest pushing yourself into doing something new. Get out of the comfort zone. You’ll never know what you’re capable of until you do it. Sure, not all of it will be enjoyable, but there are going to be some amazing things that you’ll discover.  I feel that everything in life is about self discovery. That’s how I’m living my life these days. Every day brings something new for me to try.

I hope that you continue to follow my journey in life, as one of those things I’m planning on trying next is writing a motivational speech and see if I can get people to actually come and listen to what I have to say. I think blogging has been a great avenue that’s helped me become a better writer, and helped me sort of some of the issues that I deal with. Remember to catch me on my various other social medias as well. If you want to know, just send me a message and I’ll get back to you on it.  As always, this is the Director, and that’s a wrap.

 

When Considering Weight Loss

Being heavy set most of my life, I’ve had a very hard time with self image. I’m fortunate in not having Body Dysmorphic Disorder(adaa.org), however I found insecurity in the way I looked and was ashamed to have any part of my body exposed in public. That pressure got a bit worse as I got older and heavier.

I had let myself get to a point where I was going to eat myself to death, and I didn’t really care. At worst, I hated myself at what I became, and I didn’t feel like I was in the body that I belonged in. Yes, I know that this is things that I’ve gone over before, but I want to give some advice for anyone who wants to loose weight.

There are several ways to loose weight, we’ve seen the commercials for Atkins, Weight Watchers, Hydroxy Cut, and I’m sure questions about which one is the right way to loose the weight, and keep it off? In my experience, there is no one right way. The truth is this: eating right and maintaining an active life style is the only true way to keep healthy.

If you decide to go on pills, or diet drinks, then that would be something that would be apart of the rest of your life. Just like any of the other options, it takes commitment. That’s the key here, commitment.

That’s what the whole weight loss journey is about, commitment. It’s not going to say that you have to be spot on all the time. There are cheat days for a reason. I’m not always spot on. I’ve had moments that I’ve over indulged. The thing to remember is that one cheat day isn’t the end of all the hard work, and the next choice can put you back on track.

Remember, the weight didn’t get put on over night, and it won’t come off over night. So don’t get discouraged. I had the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy, it was the tool that I needed to get me to the point where I could help get myself to lose the weight. It’s not cheating, but this is perhaps one of the most serious choice decisions to make. This can’t be reversed, and the only way to go is to have a full by pass.

So, my success story seems to have inspired you to get the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy? You want to lose 148.1 pounds like I did? So, here is the things you need to learn, and accept before even going for it. First off, you need to strongly consider your relationship with food, and if you’re willing to change that relationship. Thinking that you can’t change, or aren’t willing to change, has to go out the window. If you want to be successful, then you have to be willing to make those changes. If you think that you’ll lose all this weight, then go back to eating like you used too, stop, right, there. This isn’t for you.

Now, if you can accept all of this, that’s good, but there’s more. The surgery is going to change you, and not just the removal of two-thirds of the stomach, but hormones are going to change. There’s probably going to be bouts of depression that will hit. Just remember, that it’s a mental game. Once you can accept this, you can accomplish anything.

As I’ve been doing this journey for almost two years, and thirteen months since I had the surgery there are things that I’m preparing myself for, and you’ll have too as well. The big on is the fact that as a big person, you’re going to have saggy skin. My trainer and friend Sam says that’s the punishment we get for treating our bodies bad. I’ve heard people getting depressed about the the way they look after having the loss of their fat, but feel that disappointed. Some people get the skin removal, and I am strongly considering it. I’ll donate it to burn victims. That way, I can turn my negative into a positive for other people.

If you can handle all of this, and have the willingness to  change. I wish you the best, and hope you reach out and share your own personal journey with me. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

First Blog 2019.

I originally had started a blog about the new year, and how we shouldn’t look at it as a time for a fresh start. The truth is life is about ten percent of what happens to you. The other ninety is how you choose to react to it.

With that being said, I’ve found myself in a very emotional place over the weekend. My mother had a fall off of a ladder while taking down Christmas lights, and fractured her skull. She has multiply contusions and bruised her brain. I found myself looking at her in the bed, and I felt uncomfortable, and I was scared for my mother.

If it would have been my father, I could have handled it. We’ve been in that situation before. He had a heart attack in 1996, so mentally I would have been prepared for that. I was there when my dad was having neck surgery, and so I was even more prepared for that. This I couldn’t have ever imagine.

With everything that I went through with my wife, I think I could have been prepared for her in this situation. We’ve gone through her having a concussion and ending up in the emergency room. Through two pregnancies, and the various health scares, I would have been prepared for her, but not my mom.

Since this incident happened on Friday, January fourth, it’s all been a waiting game. I did get news last night, the eighth, that she did sit up, and that she spoke a little, which was good news. This is still going to be a long process, but any good news, brings me hope that this won’t be as bad as it could have been.

The outpour of love and support has been amazing. I truly feel touched by the texts and messages that I’ve received over the weekend, and continue to get on a daily basis. People, ask about how my mom is, and they ask me on how I’m doing. It makes me think on how valid my relationships are.

Though it’s been a rough start to the year, I’m not going to let this incident define my year, and I will just use it as a brief obstacle in my journey. I did miss a few days in my ten thousand step life. Yet, I’m going to be getting back on track for my forty-day step challenge, I’m just going to have to start over again, but I can do this. I’ve done a twelve days as my highest so far.

On the good news, I did my thirteenth month check-up on Saturday and I’m now down 148.1 pounds. It feels good to be 281.8, with a 40.4 BMI. It’s amazing how far I’ve come since I started this process almost a year-and-a-half ago. I’ve got about eighty-five pounds to go before I hit the ultimate goal, but I figure that my next goal is 265. I’m getting there, it may not be as fast as I was, but I’ll keep it going.

I’m not going to let the bad things define the rest of my life, negativity brings too many people down. I know that mentally, I’m a self-sabotage type of person. I’m also having doubt creep up in my mind when I do the various things in my life. I find myself leaning not to be that way, and I’m constantly  learning not to put myself down.

My personal training sessions have taken a different turn as we’ve started circuit training. This is defiantly a different process as now I’m having to learn to push through with a different kind of workout. I felt like I died a few times during my workouts, but it’s good, and yet it sucks at the same time. I will learn to make this type of workout my bitch though.

I’m hoping that this rough patch passes quickly, but I can’t let it keep me down as life goes on. Well, this is the director, and that’s a wrap.