Life With Unmotivated Words

So, seventeen days have passed since my last blog. Motivation has mostly eluded me as I’ve been dealing with life’s issues of varying degrees. I know that I need to get myself in the right mind set, and I’m putting myself back on track today.

It’s funny because I set my goal to get back on the right path on Friday and I’m sticking to that commitment. Time to kick even more ass as I head closer to my one year anniversary of my surgery.

Before I continue, I find it funny how the levels of motivation seem to change. While life had been going on, my writing has fallen behind, but my weight loss journey has been moving forward really well.  I’m shrugging it off and am putting more dedication to the other aspects of my life. I need those outlets to help me keep myself more sane.

Today I ended up staying home and helping the wife out with her recovery from the procedure she had yesterday. That meant that I had to take the kid, who wasn’t sick, to school today. I feel good that I was able to get in my personal training session. It was good to get some time and focus on my journey to better help. It’s one of the things that I require in my life to find a balance. Which is something else that I find kind of funny that I’ve become dependent on things to help me keep peace in my soul.

I finally started on my slasher script, and while I had a few pages on paper, I’m eager to see where I take this story. I’m taking my time to write it, because I want this to be the best writing I’ve done so far, even if that’s the way I feel about every piece I write. The creative process has been a saving grace of mine for the last several years, and I’m discovering that I shouldn’t put it off. Every time I do, I feel a bit off, though, working out is also part of it as well.

I’ve been getting colder as the days get shorter, I guess that’s part of where the weight loss has been negative, but fitting in a 2x shirt has made things well worth the journey so far. Although the hanging skin is something that I want to go away at some point. Though  the things I can do with it does make people laugh. I’ll be ready to get rid of the wizard sleeves after my journey changes from losing to maintaining.

I was able to see my friend at The Great Western War. She recently had the surgery and was looking great. She told me that everyone had been telling her how much her attitude had changed. She said that she didn’t realize how much happier she was. I was telling her that I agreed, that I noticed that having the surgery changed me like that as well.

It’s funny how much the mind, and body really align with each other. When one is off, so is the other usually. That’s where over compensation tends to come in. For me it was putting on the ego, and having the over the top personality. While the ego’s fading away with real confidence, I don’t think my personality has changed. Though I do feel like I’m quieter over all. I take more time to speak and not let my emotions get the best of me anymore, or at least I try not too.

I’m the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

#ITSOKAYNOTTOBEOKAY

     Disclaimer: Due to technical difficulties with internet and the real world, I’ve been away, and I’m back for more….

     As with most of my blogs as of late, I usually start off by talking about my weight loss journey, but being away for the amount of time I have, something has struck me with inspiration, and pulls me in a direction that I normally only touch upon. Not today! Today I want to talk about #itsokaynottobeokay.

A few weeks ago I was on Facebook, looking at the many posts and memes that get shared, when I happened to see a post about being there for others with the hashtag its okay not to be okay. As many of you who do actually read my blogs, know what The CK Project is all about. Some have been with me from the beginning, way back in 2011, when it was just about motivation for better physical health, but its since evolved into more than just the physical, but has incorporated the mental health as well.

It’s funny how things seem to go full circle, then brings attention to the real reasons that I started blogging. I’ve been witness to some friends of mine being in the dark places, and I want to let them know that “it’s okay not to be okay”, but to remind them that better times are always around the corner.  Being someone who’s been in the mindset of suicide on more than one occasion, I want to remind my friends, my readers, that I know it’s hard to get out of your mind with the ideas that there’s nothing better, and to end it all, would be the best way, but it’s not true, nor is it the best option for anyone.

I know how lonely it gets, and it’s frustrating to see my own wife go through her battles, and watch her discover what the dark shade of depression is. I also know that it’s easier said than done when it comes to dealing with it. Just know that those who are meant to be in your life are there for a reason, even if it’s just so you can learn to tell them to fuck off. I know someone who’s dealing with hate and discontent in their family, being that I myself have a spotty relationship with most of my extended family, I understand. Sometimes we have to make the difficult choice to cut those people out of your lives. I know that I don’t deal with most family members because I’m the black sheep, and I look at life very different then those who grew up together.

Remember, it’s okay not to be okay. It isn’t just a hash tag trend on social media. It’s a reminder that it’s okay to not stay strong. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay, to be vulnerable. You’re only human, and that’s….okay. We all have gone through some form of rough times, and we all can weather the storm. Life can and will get better if you allow it, even with a bit of help.

Self analysis is a strong tool to have to help get through these problems, and I remember when I felt like I had nowhere to turn. Getting the help, more importantly, asking for the help is the first step to recovery, in any situation in life. That’s always why having other’s around you can help you figure it out. If you don’t have the tool set, find someone who can help you get that tool set. Find that way to count your spoons.

As I’ve been on this journey of self discovery, and building a better me, I’ve grown so much, and I see people who’ve had the similar struggles, tend to show kindness in a world that usually doesn’t have any of it to spare. So we deal, and try to manage, then you get that asshole who wants to shit on whatever progress you’ve made. That’s something that’s damaging and can lead to worse things. Unfortunately, those people don’t care, or give a thought to what they might have just done.

It’s okay not to be okay, and if you need assistance, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me, and if I can’t help you, I’ll find you somebody who can. I’ve lost a few people to suicide, and even one is too many. This is why the project is stronger than ever. This is why I do what I do. This is why, somehow, its been my bigger focus in life. Saving someone is worth it, and I’ve been there to help people not leave this earth too soon, and I’ll continue to strive to help as long as I can.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.