Haters Gonna Drink That Haterade

So my journey has gone fairly smoothly so far. I’ve had so much positive reactions to it, though I’ve had a few haters in the background. The good part of that was that until recently non of that feedback was spoken to my face. Maybe this was because someone was too afraid that I would react poorly to their comments? Who knows? In truth, I don’t really care.

So, I finally got my first naysayer on Facebook, by someone casting doubt on my results in one of the groups I’m a member of. The fact that someone doubted me, I could’ve handled a number of ways. I could have been petty and insulted this person for judging me without knowing my story. I could have let it tear me down, and make everything feel like a waste. However, I actually didn’t respond, and I had people who’ve witnessed my transformation actually take up the mantle and come to my defense.

I have the fortune to have traveled this path and find the most amazing and supportive people during this time. I want to think that my honestly and integrity is what helped me connect with these people. Maybe the fact that I’m not an asshole about my journey is part of the appeal? I’m trying my best to stay humble, and think that people are inspired by my work has caused me to find a purpose in my life. It causes me to want to do better.

All-the-while, I won’t lie and say that it wasn’t part of any plan. I always hoped that the way I handled things would be used as a tool to inspire others to improve themselves. That was something I did when I started any part of my self-improvement journey. All the way back when I started the CK Project, I just felt that it had to evolve when I was going through different stages in my life.

I used it as a way to keep myself accountable to myself and others, but as I had gone into a depressive state, it became part of my mental health, and the healing process. This was the point where I figured that people could see my struggles, and maybe be inspired by the fact that I didn’t let those negative thoughts end a life that had so much more potential than I would have ever expect at the time.

It’s amazing how that being in a mentally dark place can cause you too loose all sense of self-worth. I felt like the world would be a better place without me, and that I wasn’t as important as I am, or is it I must be? I’m not trying to brag, or sound egotistical, but I’ve found that I do have value in this world, and that if I were to disappear I would be missed.

Yes, I know that my family would miss me, that’s more obvious than you might think I realize. I do understand the value that I bring to them. As of the conversations that I’ve had over the last few years, and even people I talk to on a constant basis, I have discovered that there are people who put more value into who I am, than I ever would have expected.

This comes from people who have said they consider me their best friend. I’m humbled by this because some of these people I don’t feel that I did anything more particular then just listen without judgement and treat them decently. To be honest, those who are the one’s that I consider my best friends, I’m an asshole to. I love them, but I also give them so much shit and about everything. At the same time, I would have their backs through fire and brimstone.

Again, this comes at when is the appropriate time to be that way, and when to be serious. Part of the consequences, or blessings of being apart of that circle is that I’m gonna give it to them honestly, and it’s not always something other’s understand.

An example is, I have a friend whom I’ll call Sexy Beast. If he reads this, then he’ll know that I’m calling him out on something. Those who know my group might know this nickname, so then you can also know that I’m gonna call him out on something as well. As one of my oldest and closest friends, who’s seen be through two marriages, knows full-well that as I love him like a brother, I’m gonna call him on his bullshit. He’s dealing with diabetes, and his blood sugar has been high, more often than not. So, where is the calling out on his crap?

So, people on his Facebook give him words of encouragement, and hey I’m the first to say that I’m in his corner, as I’ve inspired him to get healthier. Look at his page and you’ll see it for yourself. However, I know that he’s eating poorly, and drinking alcohol, so that’s why his blood sugar is so high. My response, because I know what he’s doing is to stop fucking up. He knows better, and I wouldn’t be so harsh if I didn’t care. Sometimes, that brutal dose of reality, is what people need. I don’t want his funeral to be the next that I go too. My children love him like an uncle, and I’ve had to deal with the loss of too many of my peers over the last few years.

I guess in that way, to the outside observer, it would look like maybe I’m being the hater in that situation. The truth is, I care. Sometimes I care far more than I should, because I’ve been through the heart break of disappointment by someone I loved, and couldn’t help. The people who’ve I’ve had a lasting impact on their lives, and have left the same on me, I care about. I love them and want nothing but the best for them.

I think part of the hardest thing that I deal with is watching people hate on others. I know some of the reasons, and I can see where that might cause some discontent, but it comes down to people not knowing the whole story.

Remember the blog about the moms? How people give the nasty, judgmental looks towards misbehaving kids? Usually it’s from not knowing that the child could have behavioral issues. My fellow parent’s of autistic children, understand.

I know that it’s so easy to tear people down, when things are different than social standards. I know it’s easy to destroy something because of some insecurity issues. Think of what could be accomplished? Maybe people would feel less shitty about themselves? It’s okay to share in someone else’s success. You might not realize it, but that support could just be one of the things that helps make someone be better than they are.

The worst thing any of us can do is feed into the negativity that surrounds so much of this cynical world. We can continue to hate and tear everyone down, but why? Because of fear? Why, because of hate? To quote a little green man: Fear leads to hate, hate leads to suffering… Haven’t we all suffered enough from the world around us? Haven’t we had enough of this selfishness to last a life time? Let’s build something bigger and better for our children’s children.

I hate hearing about eight-year-olds taking their lives, because society makes them feel a certain way. I had been there once, and it’s a fear that I’ve had about my own children. It’s hard to see them go through similar situations, helplessly watching, knowing that you can’t do anything to really make it better.

This is the director, and I think I’ll step off the soapbox for tonight, and call the martini shot, because that’s a wrap.

A Change Of Perspective

Going through this weight loss journey has, taken some very unexpected turns. Physically I feel so much better. The way smaller clothes fit, the way I can move. These are the things that have been rewarding me in my everyday life. I keep going, even if there are times I don’t feel like it.

Some days, my motivation is better than other days. Usually getting my 10,000-plus-steps is where my focus usually is. I keep this up as a way to guide myself on the right path. I find that if I rest too long between my exercise and my walking, my movement becomes stiff. Once I get to working on my steps, the walking starts getting easier as I continue.

I find the recovery period has gotten way shorter between my exercise. There would be times that I would workout to fatigue and be sore for days after. Now, it maybe a day or two at the most. Changing up the exercises, and doing the kind of workouts that I do now, are a bit different, because they get into the deeper fibers of my muscle tissue.

As the physical aspect goes, it’s caused me to enjoy exercise even more. It’s not the effort that it once was. The only thing that I find myself dealing with is where I am mentally, because the fat person in me still tells me that I can’t do things. That’s part of where I still struggle.

My perspective on things have changed. I find that I’m confused about how I let people treat me most of my life. In return, I also know that I’ve not always treated people the best either. As a person with a sense of humor, I noticed that I would be mean and nasty with my joking around. I don’t think that I ever really meant any harm by it, but maybe that’s because of the way people used to joke with me?

I know that people have made fun of me, even as an adult. The only difference now is that much of what is said of me, isn’t too my face, and I get that information second hand. It doesn’t bother me because I don’t think people  have really said anything truly cleaver and hurtful enough to bother me. This is coming from the person who’s been made fun of his whole life.

So, how does one deal with a life that is rapidly changing? I’m changing as a person, my family is changing. My oldest daughter is an adult now and is starting to learn about the responsibility of being an adult. My wife is still learning to deal with her Crohn’s Disease.  That dynamic, has put some interesting situations on our relationship. She’s always been the strong, supportive type, and now I find that I have to be the strong one. I’ve always tried to be supportive, however I’m not sure that I’ve been the proper support that I should be.

Now, that puts me in a position to figure out how I can be that proper support. I’m more determined to be the best version of me, but I’m not always sure that means that I’ve been the best version for my family. How do I figure out how I need to be? It’s not always easy to figure out.

I’m always supportive to people who need it. Yet, I find it difficult to be that cheerleader and support that my family needs. I’m not even sure why that is. I do try to be there, but am I really being as receptive as I can be? I find that dealing with people who aren’t as close to me are easier to relate too. It sounds a bit weird, doesn’t it?

Something that I’ve been observing even more is the fact that by my helping other people, I’ve not had to deal with my own issues at times. That’s not saying that I have too many issues that seem to be bothering me, but helping others has always seemed to be the way to divert away from my own issues.

I’m not sure if the way I connect with others has just been better by a more sincere form of talking, or if it’s something else? I do notice that I’ve been getting a bit more irritated by the fact that people seem to try and take advantage of my kindness, even if it wasn’t intentional. I just know that I’m feeling that people should realize that their actions do happen to unintentionally put more responsibility on my job than it should be.

The on-the-spot-high-point of my perspective changing is the fact that I’m more determined to better life for my family and myself. I’ve been pushing forward with my brands, and things are really starting to pick up. We’ve got so much going on for all three brands that I barely have time to keep still. This is a great feeling, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I’m hoping that it will finally be the year that things start to really pay-off. I’ve poured so much energy into everything that I can’t wait to see how the fruits of my labor are going to pay off.

Anyway, this is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Don’t Lose That Focus, It’ll Be Alright

Sometimes we get distracted with the things that happen in life. Sometimes, life throws the bright shiny things in the way that detours us from our goals in life. In hindsight, it can frustrate us. I know that it does me often times. That’s when I personally have to stop and take a moment to reflect on where I planned on going.

Remembering where you’re going and thinking about how you got lost along the way, is probably the thing to do, when trying to reach for that determination. Sometimes the distraction can lead to unexpected and pleasant surprises. It’s all about the growth and journey.

Sometimes, you just have a general idea on where you want to be, and you’re not sure what’s going to happen along the way. This is true for when I started my weight loss journey. I was just planning on losing the weight, and I didn’t really expect much more then being able to move easier and have more energy. The things that have happened along the way have been unexpected.

How does that focus get lost along the way? Well, there are a number of reasons. I’ve noticed that sometimes the work doesn’t seem to pay off right away. That gets discouraging and frustrating, which can result with the feeling of wanting to quit. Sometimes it just seems too hard, and isn’t worth the effort. If that mindset comes into play, that usually means that the commitment wasn’t as important as first thought.

I had to really stop and pay attention to things when I first started. I had seen the numbers on the scale go down, but I didn’t really feel any different. It took me getting back into my uniform for me to realize that I had lost a lot of weight, and it was a rewarding feeling.

Sometimes the loss of focus can be good during the journey. Going the way that I’ve been going for the last two years has taken a lot of hard work. I’ve slipped a few times, and the “shiny objects” have gotten in the way. However, it’s reminded me that I needed to get back on track to continue my success. Sometimes the distraction is great for a rest from the end goal, it causes the mind to refresh and refocus.

Distractions can be good because you don’t want to burn out from doing what it is you’re doing. I know that working overtime causes me to burn out of my job after a while and that’s never good. Taking some time to get distracted can be useful to hep keep you motivated to keep going. Just remember to return that focus to the goals at hand.

I’ve put so much work into my weight loss journey that it consumes a part of my day. Depending if it’s a day I work out as well as my walking, I could end up being busy for close to three hours in a day. My training sessions are about a half-hour a piece, then I’m usually moving for at least two to three hours during my day. It’s crazy to think about as I look back on it. I mean if you would have asked me if this would have been my life two-and-a-half years ago, I would have thought you were crazy.  Now, it’s just something I do.

I think doing the walking has kind of become a bit of an obsession. I use it as a time to meditate, it gives me a focus that is all about my body connecting to the rest of my environment. It gives my body movement which helps me from cramping up after my workout. I just feel like I’ve accomplished so much more because of it. When I go for walks with my children, it gives us time to have deep and meaningful conversations, and I cherish that time I spend with them.

These talks that I have on these walks feels like a time for enlightenment. I’ve had conversations with my son that range from pro wrestling, all the way to making films. I give my youngest advice on how the world works. I even take the time to walk with a cousin, and we talk about his life goals. This is part of why I try to stay focused because I don’t get this level of connection in most of my daily activities. Plus, it’s motivated family members to make sure that I take my walks.

The walks I take while by myself, are times that I can reflect on the days events. There are times that I also think about the stories that I tell, and how I will frame them up, while filming them. Sometimes, it’s just a good way to sort out my feelings. I find that this is probably one of the more important aspects of my walking, especially since I’ve had issues dealing with depression in the past, and it helps when I can sort out the way I’m feeling, and the reason why I feel that way.

What are some of the things that help you focus? Do you find alone time to be more optimal? Do you find being around others distracting when trying to reach your goals? Does being around people help motivate you to get things done? Leave a comment and let me know. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

The People Connection

On my vacation, I’ve realized that I’ve had a bit of a real writing block, however I do want to talk about the people that we connect with on a daily basis. Maybe a spouse, children, just society in general even. I feel a certain connection with people on different levels with the different things that I do.

As it is known, the CK Project is probably the biggest thing that I connect to people with. I mean my weight loss journey is something that people have taken notice of. As a matter of fact, I find people who I don’t even know have been watching the journey. I was able to go to a class that my trainer Sam teaches about Wrestling and Grappling and one of the parents there told me that they had been keeping up with my journey on Facebook and said that I was an inspiration. While it’s not the first time that I’ve heard that being said. It feels as good as the first time I heard it.

I feel humbled that people are watching me. I know that I’ve got friends who are supportive, but to meet random, and complete strangers say that is awe inspiring. I hope that the mental health aspect will help people as well. The subject of mental health is still considered an uncomfortable subject for most people, so maybe those people aren’t as quick to speak up? I’m here and what to know that it’s helping someone in that way.

The physical health aspect of things have also helped me connect with even more people though. I’m in touch with people that I would have never thought I would become friends with. I find that my networking is taking me to connect with people over in the United Kingdom, as that wasn’t something I would have ever expected. It’s cool that I’m meeting people with such diverse cultures and backgrounds. The beautiful part is that we are all there to help support each other.

If you’ve been following along for a while, then the words that film school was the best decision of my life. It’s true, not only did it give me a purpose in life, but it also has helped me connect even more with people. I’ve found friends in the filmmaking community, who’ve become supportive of not only my filmmaking goals, but some have even shown the support in my weight loss journey as well. These people are amazing talents, and I look forward to working with each of them at some point in the future.

I feel that the creative process that I’ve gone through with my filmmaking has bounded myself with the people I work with. It’s defiantly a different kind of connection, as those I’ve been friends with before hand have been pushed within their own creations. My buddy Curtis is a talented musician, and was a hard worker when we were doing Nash Gray(2017). Not only did he play Benny, but he constantly worked with me behind the scenes doing whatever I needed. I’ve also asked for him to write me a song for an upcoming project, Unexpected Side Trip, and I’m not going to lie, it’s really good. He told me that he hates that I can push him to reach uncomfortable spots to bring out some emotions, but I think that’s something that makes us better creators in the end. Going to those emotions that we don’t like.

Being a geek about different things has always giving me a connection to others. I remember that the first instances of this was when it came to professional wrestling. Now, it comes down to comic books and movies. It’s amazing how I connect with complete strangers in that way. I have those kinds of interactions with the people I deal with at work as well. The fellowship at comic book conventions is always wonderful.

Going back to the CK Project though, I’ve noticed that there is a strong support for those dealing with mental health issues as it is. While it is considered “taboo” in society at general, once your story is spoken, it becomes easier to talk about. Others open up about their struggles as well, and that’s where the connection comes in. The mind is powerful, and it can be our greatest asset, but at the same time anxiety and depression can become our greatest foe.

The key to remember is that we’re survivors. Some people want to paint it as those of us who have suffered from suicidal tendencies, just want the attention. In my own experience, it was just that I needed help and I wasn’t sure how to get it. I think the connection to another person is something that is needed by most. That might also be why loners are usually targeted as being strange, maybe?

I love connecting with people. I’ve even connected with different social groups that I wouldn’t have ever expected. I used to have friends in the various groups and not really fit in with a particular group. That’s how I felt at least. I think that the weight loss journey and mental health groups are the place I have found the most value in.

This is the director and that’s a wrap.

 

The Words That Never Got Left Behind

In observation of Bully Prevention Month, I’d like to address the elephant in the room; you’re not aloud to continue to live in my head rent free. As a kid, hearing “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” was supposed to be a way of making ourselves feel better about the cruel words that get thrown our way. It’s supposed to show that we won’t be hurt unless it’s by some thing physical.

The sad reality is, that’s the farthest from the truth. While I would like to admit that physical pain is worse, the verbal bullying is the thing that continued to haunt me for so many years. I find that it had become more of a motivator to do better, but is that really the best thing for motivation? Shouldn’t we be motivated more by the positive things than, the things that bring us down? This is why we have so many broken people in the various sectors of society.

Body dysmorphia is something that I’ve seen to run rampant among young ladies especially. The society standards for what is the perfect look for a woman has been plastered across all forms of advertisement. It’s in your face that unhealthy skinny is the standard for women and anorexia is a problem that isn’t talked about enough.

Men aren’t any less targeted either. The underwear models with the chiseled physics and washboard abs are also shown in many places. The one difference is that men with dad bods, are more socially accepted, but are no less pressured to be perfect. Men talking about having self-image issues is considered a bit more taboo. Men are supposed to be viewed as strong both physically and mentally.

The thing that I will personally say about this is that dealing with being obese most of my life, I’ve dealt with the pressures and comments to look more appealing. I joke with my wife that if it wasn’t for chubby chasers, I wouldn’t have gotten anywhere with the ladies, her especially. Though, I do wish that I could have, the muscles and strong looking body, it’s taking work to get there. This is something that I personally want, but I’m not killing myself to get there.

Key reasons, while I workout and try to keep eating well, I still indulge, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m not going to hate myself for slipping a bit here and there. I know once I have the talk about skin removal surgery, that it’s going to take a bit of time to process. I found myself in that similar situation when I decided to get the gastric sleeve almost two-years ago.

Acceptance has been something that I’ve had to battle to come to terms with. I had those bullies running through my head with the words of how ugly, and fat I was. I hated myself because people had put those words into my head. I wasn’t good enough, and yet there was something that I did alright growing up. I did have friends and lovers. I was liked, but even with those realizations, I still had the negative words sticking in my head. I’ve had to learn to over come that.

I’ve embraced positivity, despite the way I’ve been treated during my life. I find that it helps me, because it puts something in the world that not everyone seems to be able to produce themselves. With that I’ve made many connections with some great people. I get more out of being positive, then having that negative mindset.

Unfortunately, not everyone is that way. Some people who get bullied, carry that chip on their shoulders for the rest of their lives. Hell, at one time, I did as well. I hurt some very good people and I’ve regretted it ever since. Those who carry that chip, bring the misery with them in most aspects of life. This isn’t something that’s uncommon in my professional life. I see it everyday, and the effects that it causes. I see it in some friends as they deal with people who bully them.

Now, I’m going to change this up a little, because I know a few of my followers are going to be reading this. I know that things don’t look very good for your current circumstances right now. You’re afraid to lose that, which is valuable to you. Keeping a focused mind is the only way that you will have to succeed. I get that the parties that are bullying you shouldn’t be that way, they are your family after all. Just remember to do your best, and that’s all anybody can ask of you. I’m a text, or a phone call away, and you have shown me the appreciation through our many conversations. You got this, and however things fall, you will grow as a person, and should be able to be better for all of it.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Brain Matter on my Mind

Whether it’s the weight loss journey or mental health awareness, I find that the brain can trick the body into feeling something that’s not always there. I find that my brain wants to tell me that it’s time to eat, and that if I don’t actually take a moment to really analyze the situation, I might not really be hungry.

I find that if I get left alone in my thoughts for too long, I can start to over think, and self-doubt comes into play. This is one of my bigger weaknesses, as depression has always been there. It’s not nearly as bad as it used to be, however, I can still sense it at the outer edges lingering and giving me a moment to pause.

I suppose that’s why I try to stay constantly busy. This way I don’t have to give my mind to start lingering on stupid insecurities, and anxiety. I find that multi-tasking comes easy when I can listen to a conversation, and still type. This actually drives my family crazy as I can look at them and work on a blog at the same time.

The endorphins from exercising is an anti-depressant, and I know that if I take too long between my workouts, that I start getting depressed too. If more people knew, and I mean really knew about this little life hack, I’m sure everyone who suffers from depression would be in shape(joking).

It’s strange to realize how much the body and mind end up reflecting each other. I know at my biggest, my mind was in a terrible state, and I hated myself. Having the Gastric Sleeve sent me down a path that I never expected. I connect with people better, and it wasn’t like I was ever someone who would treat people negatively in the first place, but I seem to relate better to others, and myself.

It’s also helped me to realize my ambition, while most people spend their lives developing a brand that represents them, I’ve gone so far as working on three. The CK Project is probably where my legacy will be. As I’ve been making some great progress with it over the last year or so. It’s not surprising as this is my oldest and longest running of the brands. It all started as a way to hold myself accountable to others when I originally started my weight loss journey with Weight Watchers, eight-years ago.

It’s amazing that The CK Project went from weight loss, to mental health, and back to being both. It’s come full circle and I love it. We’re making plans on turning it into something bigger and better. Hell, we’re looking to make this go more professional, and can’t wait to let out the details. Speaking of growth, the experiences that I’ve had in the name of the project, has given me growth both personally and professionally. Things that I can carry unto other jobs that I may take in the future.

Another mind opening realization is that experience is the best teacher. I find that talking about my issues, has allowed me to regain control of my life. The more I talk about struggling with my mental health, the less power it has over my decisions in life. I find that I need to do better about pushing myself  when exercising. My mind still wants to tell me that I’m 430 pounds. I know I have issues with lunges and falling backwards.

I’m finding that inner strength that I have. I kept things quiet for so long, and it’s like I’m finally finding that voice to start the process to going Super Sayian. I have a ways to go, but it does help me push for those extra reps. Also, I’m afraid to push myself so hard that I want to puke when I work out. So, does that mean I’m not pushing myself hard enough?

I guess having a negative mindset for so long, really has done me some harm, and I hope that it’s not irreparable. The mind is fascinating, and is the most powerful tool in any person’s tool belt for improvement. At the sometime, if you don’t treat it well, or if you don’t get help to tune it up, it can do damage that might never be repairable. Keep that in mind when venturing on this journey of life.

Self-care is more important than most people want give the focus too. This is coming from my professional view point. Often time, mental health is considered taboo, and no-one is comfortable about sharing their feelings. Toxic masculinity has kept the man’s man, cold and hard of feelings. Yet, things are improving, people are becoming more woke to the issues at hand. I believe that it’s over all for the better, yet I think we’ve lost some things in a world of political correctness.

With political correctness, I feel that people have forgotten how to laugh. We’re no longer given the permission to laugh because of a joke, and people seem to get more offended now than ever. Maybe, it’s more that it’s not as easy to keep quiet these days? Where is the proper balance in-between the truth and satire? Can we laugh at the wrong things, and not be judged. Maybe that’s why Cards Against Humanity is such a popular game? I know where my humor is, and it’s got some dark places at times.

Anyway, keep a clear, focused mind, because it’s the one asset we have to help us get through life. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Please Pass The Fat Free Content

Going with the weight loss journey has brought forth several things to for me. As I’ve lost weight, my ambitions have pushed me to want to do more. Being open about my weight problems, and mental issues has been the most therapeutic thing that I’ve ever done. As I’ve stated before, the physical and mental state of a person’s body go hand-in-hand, and the state of one usually reflects the state of the other.

Getting exercise in, is one way to help keep the depression at bay. It’s a way to show one’s self that things can be accomplished as long as you have determination. I find that my phycological self tends to limit me from doing complete range of motion for some of the exercises. I noticed that it comes down to the fear of injuring my knees. I also hate the fact that I have a fear of falling backwards.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve had hurt my knees before, and the falling comes from the fact that I’ve suffered severe head trauma. As long as I get assistance, I’m not afraid go down in a lunge. Being heavy-set for such a long time has really done some damage, and brought about self-doubt about the things I can do.

This leads me to believe that while your mind is your most powerful asset, it can also sabotage your success. Ever feel like you need to eat do to time instead of hunger? Yeah, me too. As a matter of fact, it still tends to happen, then I have to remind myself that I need to pay better to what my body is saying instead of what my mind is telling me.

So I have this mind that has so much negativity thrown on me my whole life that I still have issues getting over the verbal damage as well. Remember, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me? That’s totally bullshit, why you ask? I still hear the taunts and names that I was called as a child. How’s that for having something define your life choices for so long. I do have a tolerance for people staying stupid things these days, so it takes something more original to really get me going.

The crazy part about the weight loss journey and the mental health awareness is the fact that they do go hand-in-hand. When I set out to do the gastric sleeve, I only thought about how it was going to affect me physically, In ever thought about how it was going to change me mentally. The truth is that I’ve been fundamentally changed for the better. I don’t have the negative outlook in life that I once did. I’ve become more positive, and it wasn’t like I was trying to force it, or fake it until I made it.

All any of it ever had to do was  start by taking the little steps forward. Talking about the things that bothered me. Some people have told me that I was brave for opening myself and my experiences up to others. While I’m glad that it’s guided people in  better directions, it’s only part of the reason why I do the things I do. The other side of that truth is that talking about it, takes the power have what happened away. The more I talk about it, the less power those events have on me. I can accept that what did happen isn’t the defining moments of my life.

With that being said; I find that sticking to mental health, and occasionally weight loss isn’t as easy to talk about any more. I mean I started talking about my mental health issues to help sort out my own feelings and leave an example for others to follow. I don’t struggle with them like I used to.

Yes, I still have an occasional bout of depression and insecurity, but over all, I’m in one hell of a better place than I was before. Now, I have to witness my wife go through these struggles with her Crohn’s Disease. This ends up being something that gets hard for me to deal with as I watch her get more discouraged as something new shows up with the things she deals with.

I sometimes find it hard to talk about the weight loss journey because I plateau, and it can be for long periods of time. I get frustrated getting stuck between a four and five pound difference. I know that eventually I will over come this, but it’s discouraging just the same. Again, remember the things we’ve been talking about the mind? Yeah, this is one of those things I was referring too.

In the end, we all have to choose the journey that we follow. Some of us choose to follow the journey to try and obtain the ultimate answer to eternal youth. Some look to follow the path to fortune and fame. Some of us look to better health. I myself follow the journey for better self-improvement. It has brought me closer to a section of people who share the common journey, and I’ve grown so much because of it. Especially in such a short time. Keep mindful on where your journey takes you.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Lose And Gain

So, it’s been a while since I’ve done the official “weight-loss” update. Here goes; I gained four pounds. Yep, that’s the official update, I’m back up to 264 pounds. I’m not even mad, I knew the plateau’s and the weight gains would just all be apart of the process. So remember that!

You see the commercials on television and in print ads that someone can help you drop all the weight you want by a pill or a drink, with minimal work. It doesn’t work that way, ever. The truth is that while you will drop the weight, there will be times that you level out, and even gain some. Remember that it’s just part of the journey, and I know that’s the part that people hate.

It’s the plateau’s and the gains that cause most people to quit. I mean who wants to see the number stick or go up? We didn’t get into losing weight to see the momentum go anywhere but down? I gained five pounds, and I’ve worked so hard not to gain, what kind of bullshit is this?

I remember the first time I plateau’d after my surgery, God it was frustrating! Man it was the longest time before I dropped weight again(actually it was like three weeks). I don’t think I got mad at myself, but it was disappointing. Yet, I knew even then that it was part of the process, but after seeing my first hundred pounds just melt off, it sucked.

I think some habits have also snuck back into my life, especially since I’ve been in a bit of a stressful situation. I still have a win because one, I’m aware of it, and two, I’m still staying active. I’m going to overcome this situation. This is just another bump in the road that I have to overcome.

Mentally, I’ve been a bit down, but nothing too discouraging to know that I can’t overcome it. The mind is your most powerful weapon that you have. If you believe, then you can achieve. I know that my mind tells me that I can’t do things, like lunges. It doesn’t let me do lunges, and it makes me feel afraid that I’ll injure my knee. I don’t ever recall injuring my knee that way, but it makes it hard for me to go down without some sort of support. If I use a chair, then I know that I can do it.

On the positive side, I’ve been learning about various exercises from the Men’s Health Magazine, Twitter page. One of the exercises, that I’m excited about is the Mt. Climber, I’ve seen it done, but I realized that when I’ve done it before, I didn’t have the proper form for doing it. Another exercise is called the Halo. It’s an exercise that can use either a dumbbell or a kettlebell and it works the shoulders. This one excites me because it hits the shoulders from several angles. A third exercise that I’ve seen on video from Twitter is called a pike press. Modified, I think it would be a good exercise for me to do a shoulder press.

Another thing that I can say that is on the positive side, is that I’ve been looking into what kind of mindset an entrepreneur should have. I know that it’s going to take time, and a massive amount of hard work, but I will get there. I also know that I’m pushing for “maximum effort” because while one brand, or business is a full-time job, I have three that I’m working on.

With that, this is where things get a bit more convoluted, the CK Project is my oldest and most popular of my brands.  It’s great because I find that it’s the easiest to give most of my attention too. I support the fact that I get to help others with mental and physical guidance. This is what helped me become a happier person, and the privilege to help others has been fulfilling.

The birth of The Geekultural Experience actually spun-off of a group that I helped create called The Geeks of the IWV.  The group was formed as a way to help my friend cope with the death of her son, and it’s done fairly well. While The Geekultural Experience started on Facebook, it seems to have a better following on Twitter. I find that I get the news on Twitter so much easier more readily than Facebook.

While I enjoy my these brands and they fill a very different aspect of my life, the one I’m most looking forward to picking up is my film company, Luckey Bom Films. It’s more because I would love to have them all to be more equal then they are, but I’m sure this will get there at some point. It’s hard trying to keep things sorted out, and each get more attention, at different times when the focus can shift to what’s taking the more precedence at the time.

What would you like to see me talk about? Is there anything you think could help take my brands to another level? Leave a comment, and let’s start a dialogue, I’d love to interact and get feed back on the things I’m doing. After all, criticism is just a tool for improvement. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Hard Work For Better Gains

As with anything else in life, you get what you put in. Eating right can some times be hard, especially since there are so many temptations being marketed out there. I find that it can be hard also because most “healthy options” are costly. Yet, this is an essential part of the weight loss journey.

Exercise is the second part that is essential for the weight loss journey, and is just as important as eating right. The harder the workout, the better the progress for shape and strength. This is something I struggle with because I find it hard to push through at times. I want that brief second of rest so that I can power through the rest of my sets. It’s usually right as I’m getting to my fourth round of my circuit training. Every time I do push, I feel like I want to die after my workout, which is a good sign.

Then it comes the really hard push, that will give me the momentous gains. That’s my brands. Working on one brand is a full-time job as it is, but I’m taking it even farther by having three brands that I work on. This is where I feel most of my success comes from, it gives me the focus that I need to carry out all my plans.

I have filled my life with all these positive things that keep me going in the right direction. I’ve had times where I was lost and I wasn’t sure where I needed to go, or where I wanted to go. With depression, there is many times that I would doubt myself. I would feel unworthy, I would feel like a failure. I felt that the world would be a better place without me.

With this mental level, I felt that my family would carry-on and eventually find better life if I no longer existed. At this time, I also felt that I was the worst person ever and undeserved of love. This is what depression feels like. Yet, if you would ask if I was okay, then I would say yes, because I didn’t want to burden anybody. I felt that I needed to deal with it on my own.

This is why I evolved the CK Project. It started out as a weight loss thing, to hold myself accountable, but after my period in the darkness, I had to make it something more. After watching people be affected by seven suicides, I knew that I needed to do something else. I felt guilty for having those feelings, I felt even more guilty that I wasn’t able to reach out to these people and try to let them know that they weren’t alone in this struggle.

I took my experience, and decided to use my story as an example that there are other ways then suicide, there are better options. At this time, I didn’t consider myself a survivor. All I wanted to do was help someone else. This was at a time that I still didn’t see the “value” in my own life.

Once I found purpose with going to school, things started to change. I found my direction, and the accomplishments that I was doing started to add value to myself. Investing in myself, was the right choice, and once I got to be a director, I found the thing that was going to keep me going.

By this time, I was getting used to putting in the hard work, but I needed to gain more. See what I did there? So, I was in the last leg of my schooling, and I started to realize that I wanted to change more because I didn’t like the way I was physically feeling. I felt that I wasn’t in the body I was supposed to have, and I was ready to change that too.

So, I started to look into having the gastric sleeve surgery. I had heard that it was the safest option, and I’ve known people who had it done, with no regrets. At that time, I decided that I hadn’t heard anything about the negative side, and one of my best friend’s had also considered the surgery, so I decided that I would blog about it, both the good, and bad. I wasn’t going to hold anything back.

So, using my CK Project platform, I decided that my experience could be used as a tool for others to learn from. I realized that it went full circle from weight loss to mental health, back to weight loss, but I didn’t fully realize the connection between the two.

This is why I keep so busy, because everything I do, outside of work is just another way in attempt to have an outlet. It was a struggle when I felt that I didn’t have that release from the stressful situations, and it just brought me down. I find things that could serve more than one purpose for me.

This blog is the perfect example, as it started out as something for a class, I did a bit of research after and discovered that this was a good place to start out as a blogging site. I decided that this would be a better platform than Facebook to talk about my issues, and it would make it easier to distribute on other social medias. So, where does this serve more than one purpose? Well, I figured that blogging would help me sort out my thoughts, and it has in so many ways. It also helped me as a writer, that was the other thing that I wanted, to be a better writer.

So, I’ve gained a therapeutic way to sort my feelings and experiences while using my struggles and examples to help others, and it has helped me with the written word, and to think as a writer. I’ve gone from writing an average of 412 words per blog, up to over 830 words a blog. My scripts have gotten better and longer as well.

So, my suggestion for everyone is to put in the hard work. The reason is because you’ll benefit and grow in way that would be unexpected. How do you find the motivation? Do the things you love, damn what others might say, unless you’re a serial killer or something, that’s not a good thing. Too many people seem to lose passion from their lives, and passion is a strong guide and motivator. Self-improvement is the best investment any person can have, because it isn’t something that can be taken away.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

Why We Should Uplift Each Other

There’s been a lot of unfortunate circumstances that have been surrounding my life and the lives of people I know. These are things that are common in the lifecycle, i.e. death, growing older; and yet it doesn’t make life any easier. With that, I find that it’s difficult to maintain a stasis of positivity.

I know that this is just a phase, and that I’m going to overcome this situation. As a matter of fact, putting in a bit more effort in a few places has already made me feel a bit better as it were. It’s just frustrating when I don’t always feel like I’m getting a handle on my own situation. That’s totally on me, and when I’m getting offed the help, I’m reluctant to take it, because I’m used to doing on my own.

Things in life happen that can go unexpectedly, and that’s why we should be mindful on how we treat each other. Even with me going through this personal strife, I always try to remain kind. In a work environment like mine, it’s not always easy. When you have to constantly deal with people who come off self-entitled, and are rude if you inconvenience them, it get difficult. I have the general rule that I’ll treat everyone professionally and kind, but if I get treated poorly, I will change the way I interact with people.

Forgive me, I seem to be getting off track.

However people are, sometimes the kind word could change their day. Sometimes, the kindness shown can change the entire direction of someone’s path. I know for a fact that letting someone know that they have someone who care can save a life. There are days that I think about how some people have left this world, and the tragedy that comes from the after effects of it.

I had a few friends over the last month lose their lives in car accidents. One wasn’t wearing a seatbelt while being struck by another vehicle at a red light, and the other apparently lost control of her vehicle. Both were shocking, and the ripple affects have been profound on myself and the other’s around me. It hit’s home when they are closer to my age, and I think it’s always an eye opener on how we need to tell those we love, how we feel.

Why is it people feel entitled to bringing others down? Why is it that people have to feel the bitterness of jealousy with others success and have joy in other’s pain?

I’ve been there on several occasions, I can admit that I’ve not always been great at being a good person. That’s where having a hard look at myself paid off. This was at a time that I couldn’t process dealing with my own emotional baggage. I think that’s the way it could be for a majority of people.

We live in a society that shuns getting professional help to deal with the mental stresses of life. We live in a society where males are expected to be macho, and show alpha traits in public. That showing a soft side is considered weak, and makes them easy prey. “Only the strong survive.”

I think society is slowly getting better at changing this way of thinking. I’m fortunate that I wasn’t ever condemned as a kid for being emotional, and I would cry at emotional moments in life. However, my mental state changed after I got into my accident in 1992. I think that we all just need to be more emotionally supportive of each other, then maybe we wouldn’t have so many shootings, and violence would be down a bit.

I really don’t want to go into politics on here, because my social media is filled to the brim of people on both sides of the isle. I just want to say a word of caution: while people want to bash either side, that they don’t share view points with; the reason that things aren’t working in the best way is because there isn’t any bipartisanship. We need that balance to be successful. Just because someone doesn’t agree with you on something doesn’t mean that they don’t have a valid point, just keep in mind that we all come with different view points.

Now that I’m off of my soap box, my point is sometimes someone is going through some hard times, and it helps when they get uplifted, it could mean a world of difference.  This is the director, and that’s a wrap.