# Building a Better Me part 2

In the last part I talked about life in grade school and middle school. It was a difficult journey when the peers around me devalued my worth, and my mentality ended up being something that would keep me down. In hindsight, looking at the systematic teachings of classism has shown me why I as an enlisted military child I might have been treated that way.

As I go from my grade school and middle school years, I had moved from being overseas, back to stateside, and it was a bit of a culture shock. I was a bit out of place, but I ended up making some good friends, while doubting myself along the way. Tradition, and a few other things would really affect my first year in high school, as when I was in Junior High it was a seventh through ninth grade institute. As I hit ninth grade, it had been moved back to high school, and the freshmen year, meant that I would be part of the fresh meat class.

Before I move forward with the narrative, I should mention that I had made a friend in wrestling while I was in seventh grade. People would think we were brothers and we got a bit competitive with our dating lives. I would often date his girl when they broke up, to get some sort of validation that I was the better person, I’m aware of it being an asshole move.

So in ninth grade, I got stuck in a wrong place, wrong time situation, that I had gotten put into the creek behind my school during the middle of December, and I remember getting stuck in a full nelson and almost getting my neck snapped because I tried to fight out. I thought that I wold be able to fight my way out of anything, but apparently I wasn’t so smart. I should have known better than to go to the place that the kids liked to go smoke, right off school grounds.

Ninth grade was the year that I did date the same girls as my friend, just because I felt like I had to prove something to somebody, and that friendship would end that same year, because he got told that I said that I could kick his ass, if we fought. Then for the rest of high school, he would be a persistent problem like that. I should have handled that whole situation better.

The other part of my problem is that I didn’t always talk to people I was attracted to with an appropriate attitude, and I would end up in the principle’s office on a couple of occasions. I don’t even really remember where it was that I learned to be that way, I think that I just thought that I was being funny.

I find it hard to talk about high school, I do know that my idea of joking and messing with my friends, had ended up causing problems with people who I never meant to actually draw into the situation, and I wish that I had made some better choices because I know that it there were certain people who had a bad impression of me.

I think it was the summer before my tenth grade year, when so many things changed, and at the time I thought it was for the better, but like Peter Parker’s Uncle been said with great power, comes great responsibility(Amazing Fantasy 15, 1962). I didn’t know how to handle things.

It was the summer and my friends and I would hang out at Roosevelt pool all day. Most summers I would make new friends, maybe find a girlfriend or two, but this summer ended up being different. That’s when I met the girl who ended up changing my world. I won’t mention her name, but I think that she was the first girl I ever fell hard for. It also would be the summer where I would learn how to fake confidence in a way that I would carry for the rest of high school.

Here’s a fact about my health, I have bad skin. I had acne and my back would develop these bad scars called keloids. My back looks like it could have been burned, and this was the summer someone asked if I got burned. My friend who was with me told me to say yes and make up a story for it. He figured that I could lie and give myself a boost of confidence.

For those who know me, or have followed me for some time, I am a storyteller, and as an actor, I can tell a decent bullshit story, and keep it straight. With this being the first lie, I said that I had slept with a gang bangers girlfriend, and that they burned me as punishment. That lead to more and more stories, some for sympathy, others because it was becoming a game. I got mouthy to some people, and the friend who thought that my lying would give me confidence would help fuel my stories.

As my confidence grew, I became somewhat popular, it also led to other’s not liking me. This was what I wanted though, and I became friends with people in the crowd that I wanted to be around. Nothing could go wrong, right? People seem to like larger than life personalities, and I got attention. This is what I wanted, right?

I became a jerk, and I started bullying people that I shouldn’t. Lesser status people didn’t matter, as long as I was feeling somewhat more than what I had been in grade school and middle school. I hurt close friends, but it shouldn’t matter as long as I was seen as something more than I was, right?

It carried all the way through my senior year, where after we were getting prepared to move back out to California. I decided that I wanted to try and be myself, be honest. I was tired of being fake, and I wanted to be someone better than I had been in school. I think this part will be better for another blog.

Thank you for joining my journey on the flawed state of my life, and seeing where hindsight is a bit useless. Just use them as lessons and that’s the best way to use those lessons to become something better. Stay tuned as I will be writing another part to come out next week. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

# Building a Better Me

As this is the first blog of the year, I’m thinking that focusing on this where I can improve, and what I have improved on is going to be a good place to start. So, with that being said, why build a better me? Why should anyone care, and why should anybody want to build a better version of themselves? My answer to that becomes a bit more focused on the fact that people never stop growing, evolving. This is a great reason to start working on the better version on yourself.

This comes down to a series of difficult tasks that most people have problems doing. Hell, the steps I took, were hard, and often times even more difficult to accept. First off, self awareness and evaluation take front and center. To be able to grasp taking that hard look at yourself, you’ve got to be able to let ego go. This is so much harder to do than just saying that it can be done. It’s like having to see yourself as the world see you, and not the disillusioned version that we all tend to think of ourselves. Truth is, it sucks.

When you peel away the ego and get that hard look at yourself, you might not like what you see. I know that I didn’t. Realizing that my ego was over compensating for the fact that I wasn’t the great guy I thought I was, that hurt. What was worse, finding out that I was a bit shitty to people as well, and I hurt good people in the process. How do we get through this? How do we accept the new reality?

Maybe we should start with, why? Why did we get to this point in life? How did this sweet child end up being close to egotistical?

I think the first thing is to admit that we are fragile. Male, female, non-binary, we all have something inside of us that makes us fragile. I remember being a sensitive child who’s feelings got hurt constantly by the children I was surrounded by for five days a week. Even as I was little, I felt like I needed to be able to do anything just as well, if not better than everyone else. Often times that would end up causing more issues and blow up in my face, than not.

The feeling of wanting to belong and fit in, I think might have been part of what caused me to feel that way. I tried for years to do whatever I could to become part of the popular crowd. It’s only natural to want to fit in. It’s a survival tool, not wanting to be focused on as the object of bullying.

I should also point out that even talking about this makes me hypocritical because I too had found people that I thought was less than me, and I bullied them as well. The sad part is, that hindsight is the worst superpower in the world, and at that time of my own life, I don’t think I really thought anything about it. Picking on lessers was part of the natural order after all.

So, I go about life as a kid not accepting the responsibilities that were in my life, and that my issues were caused by something else. Though the loneliness also caused me to want to die. Don’t get me wrong, I did have friends, and I wasn’t a complete asshole to everyone, but I did have some of those days. Just like watching my own kids, I remember fighting with friends and telling each other about how much we hated their guts. I also remember being back to being friends not that long later.

As I got older, things seemed to get better, the loneliness stuck around, even when I was with a group of friends. The girls I liked, weren’t usually interested, and I tried so hard to be cool. I had a friend in junior high tell me that I needed to stop trying so hard, because I was already cool. Ego didn’t want to hear any part of that conversation. I didn’t seem to have the feeling of being cool or popular. Though after my accident, I learned that I wasn’t as unpopular as I thought. Though, that didn’t stick in my mind.

I just want to point out that as I’ve mentioned in other blogs, my mind has always been my worst enemy.

It was after my accident that I got to dance with a girl for the first time. I initially rejected her, because she wasn’t the girl I really wanted to dance with. Yet, we ended up dancing together at several dances, and she’s a wonderful person. Then I got to dance with the girl, the one I wanted to be with so badly. We had a few dances, and she has been a good friend of mine ever since. Yet, somewhere in that brain of mine, I still didn’t think I was ever good enough.

I’ll finish that story in my next blog, but I want to analyze somethings. Being self-involved, I didn’t see the kinds of struggles that others go through. In particular that popular girls that I totally crushed on. I didn’t look at what kind of value I brought anybody, I just felt that if I was better at things, if I was better looking, if I was just more, then maybe someone would let me know that I was worth something. As I sit here now, I don’t think that thought process would have changed, even if it hit me in the face like a baseball bat.

As I look back, most of it was trivial and I should have be able to handle things better. Thinking about how kids yell at us, telling us that we don’t understand, we do. I just think that sometimes we don’t think that those issues are a big deal, especially at that time in their lives. That’s an aspect that I sometimes forget about, as I brush of the child because I’m busy doing something. I think this is something every generation deals with. Not that it’s really that much different, but kids today do seem like they are more self aware than we were at that age.

Stay tuned as I write a part too, and also be on the look out as I’m going to be doing a new podcast on the whole concept of building a better me. This is the director and that’s a wrap.

Achieve the Balance

It’s been months since I’ve blogged, and it’s crazy how things have been going for me. My life has gotten so much busier that if I was too stop everything, I think my head would explode. My personal training certificate has been a nice bonus to add a little income to my brands, and being a youth wrestling coach on top of that has been a blast. I’ve enjoyed watching the kids improve their skills as I’ve been able to partake on their journey. I’ve also been able to make friends with my fellow coaches that’s helped to provide a better work relationship to boot.

I spend several hours a day at the gym, either coaching, or learning. I’ve gotten into the martial arts of Jeet Kune Do, started learning grappling to help with my coaching in wrestling, Brazilian Jujitsu, and Kick Boxing. I find these to be a challenge and fun. I never thought in my life that I would be a martial arts junkie, yet here I am. One style that caught me off-guard was Tai Chi. I know that it’s often thought of as the old person’s martial art, but let me tell you that I’ve had the most insane experience with it.

Sam had me try it for something a bit different. I slowed down weight training to try a few new things, and on the particular day that I tried it for the first time, it caught me in my emotions. As hard as I have strived over the years for improving myself, there are still aspects of my life that I realize are unbalanced, and the movements and energy just brought everything up to the surface. I find myself needing more structure and discipline. I need focus, which is something I thought I had, but apparently I don’t.

I’ve been struggling with getting my next certificate in personal training because I’ve lost focus. I don’t want to say that I’ve ben depressed, because it doesn’t feel like it normally does, but I will say that my mind is easily distracted lately. Maybe I’m doing do much? Maybe with everything going on in life, uncontrolled events, I just lost the drive to do things.

That’s something that I should address, my stepmother, the lady who raised me, had spent time in a hospital earlier this month because she fell and hit her head again. To be honest, I thought that I was going to have to say goodbye to her. She was in scary bad shape, and it was hard to see her like that. Something that makes it harder is the news that it seems that she’s in the first stages of dementia, and that isn’t easy to deal with.

I’ve come to realize that I’m at an age where mortality is becoming very real, and watching my parents health decline has been an uncomfortable situation for me. I’ve mentioned when the age that I was going to start expecting my parents to pass, that sad part is that the time frame I had predicted has started to really come into view.

So with these events going on in my life, I’ve been struggling for my Sports Nutrition certification. I’ve been working on the last couple of questions that have involved a case study, and honestly I feel done. I didn’t even get to finish the study. I want my cert, but I think that everything is finally hitting me. I guess that’s where my depression is at right now. I’m going to get through it, and I just have that feeling of giving up and crawling under a rock for a while. It sucks, but again, I know that I’ll get through this.

On a plus side, I’ve got plans for my next cert, as I’m going to be learning Yoga to add to the services that I already provide my clients, and I might start teaching a class at some point. As for what the end goal is, I do have a plan, just Yoga kind of fell in my lap. I’m thinking that this will be a great way to get my stretching in. I’ll be the first to admit that I could stretch more than I do.

I also have to mention with all the mixed emotions and turn of events in my life, I’ve been doing the Media Specialist job for seven months now. Outside of working on movies, this has been the best job I’ve ever had. I like my boss, and I like my supervisor. The cool part is that I’m appreciated, and I’m able to help teach them somethings as well. This is a job that allows me to use my artistic mind on the things that I do.

Another positive is that Sarah’s Crohn’s Disease hasn’t seemed to gotten worse, and her arm has better range. I’ve been able to watch her and Christopher II learn and practice Jeet Kune Do as something to help them out as well. I think it’s helped Sarah with her range of motion. I think it’s going to help Christopher with his coordination, as he really like the teacher of the class. As a side note, that teacher has said that he’s learned from my coaching to take a bit more time with one of the people, since I tend to work more with the smaller children during wrestling practice.

With everything that’s been going on, there are times that I do feel that I should quit coaching and being a personal trainer. It’s not that I’m not good at either, it’s just I’ve realized lately that I’m feeling burned out. Sarah says that she recognizes it because I tend to do that, spread myself too thin. Yet, I always feel that I can handle it, even though I should know better.

One of those realizations that I’ve had was that I’ve been pushing off being creative, telling myself that I’ll do it as soon as I’m done with the subject at hand. It never seems to come though, and I really need to get back to work, because that’s where my passion is in life. Creating and making movies, shorts, and other content. It was easier at the other job, when I had time to sit down and write while off on some remote place, doing my job. The Media Specialist is a great job, it’s just surprising how busy it keeps me, and that is something that I love about my job. Plus I do feel appreciated and it doesn’t go unnoticed, like I’ve mentioned before.

So, I find myself trying to figure out what it is I’m going to do. Do I keep going on the path I’m currently on, or do I finally take a step back to be creative, because it doesn’t seem like I have much time to do both? I’m sure that this is where I am currently and that things will work out, because I’ve got so much going on in my head right now. Plus there’s the fact that Pennsylvania is calling to me, because my maternal mother’s memorial is coming up the first weekend in October, and I feel that I should be there for that. I do miss my nieces that it would be great to spend a little time with them.

As I reflect, and find balance in life, I’m sure the answers will happen. People say that it’s happens in His time, and I’m not against that idea. Maybe the fates have other ideas for me? I think I need to meditate further for reflection. Thanks for taking a bit of time out of your day to remember that I’m still around, and that I do try to get to the blogging, but the past year and a half has been crazy. This is the Director and that’s a wrap.

Thoughts For The Moment

I know that it’s been awhile, and I want to apologize as things have kept me busier than ever. The check list includes, working on getting my second certificate for my personal training, coaching youth wrestling, writing scripts, working a full-time job, and training three to five clients for personal training. It leaves my weekends the only time to get a break, however, this is the only time I can seem to work on my creative things as well. It seems that taking a break, makes me feel guilty, but I get overwhelmed from not doing the film stuff like I want.

So much has gone on since the last time I put a blog out. I’m coming into my own as a coach, I’m now learning and practicing the martial art of Jeet Kune Do, and I’ve been trying to change up my workout routine to get a better benefit from it. A couple of things that really seemed to hit home was Mother’s Day, and the loss of a former co-worker.

While Mother’s Day, is a date to celebrate the mother’s in my life: my wife, my mom, etc. I somehow had a sad, troubled feeling this year. While I’m grateful that I have the mother of my children around, and tried to make it the best I could, I thought about the things that has happened to the women I call mom.

I lost my maternal mother last year to Covid-19 related complications. I wasn’t close to her and I didn’t really know her for most of my life, but ending up in Pennsylvania last year, was a learning experience in the love she had for all her children, as I was never away from her mind. I have wished that I would have handled things a bit differently in my relationship with her, but I found a piece that I had been missing my whole life. I found that I connected with my siblings as well.

Now, my step-mother is the woman who raised me, and she treated me as if I was her own. It helped that her and my father had been life long friends. She’s loved, cared for, and been there for me my entire life. With that being said, it was hard for me this year to be happy for Mother’s Day because it’s hard to see the woman who raised me, not be the same person as she was.

She suffered a major head trauma several years ago, and with her and my father aging and deteriorating, it’s hard to watch what time is doing to them. She barely seems to function anymore, and I get the feelings that she’s on the last legs of her life. It’s not something that comes easy to admit, but that’s the feeling that keeps pulling at my gut.

Mother’s Day was hard again, as I watch the effects of Crohn’s Disease with my wife. She has good days, and some bad. I’m glad she’s a fighter, but at the same time I’m sad because she can’t do all the things she would like to do, or feel the way she used to feel. I watch as she’s come to having to fight her own battles with depression, and her own validity in life. Then I feel like I’ve not done my duties to help her feel better as she’d been my rock through my own mental health battles.

Coming to terms with the change of dynamic in our relationship has been a personal battle for me, though in the end, we’ll always have each other’s backs.

Now I want to speak on the passing of a young man, with whom I had the privilege to work with, even if it was for a brief time. I’m disclosing the fact that I don’t talk about the job I used to do, but at this time, I’m going to speak on it a bit. I used to be a guard and I had a chance to work with a variety of people, from police, to Navy personnel. Travis Griffin was a Navy Master-At-Arms, when I had to privilege to work with on the gates. He was tall, polite, and had a good aura of fun loving that surrounded him.

I befriended him and watched him become a father, then get out of the military and find his journey in life. I was shaken by the fact that his life had ended so soon, as he was a bit younger than me. I know that many of the people that he worked with here, was proud of the man he was becoming and happy for the accomplishments that he made.

Life gets busy and we all tend to fall out of contact with people. I have a sadness inside that I hadn’t had reach out to him for a few years, but through the miracle of social media, I was able to see that he had been doing well. So his death was a bit shocking at that moment.

The sobering part of life is this, as I’ve hit my forties, I’m starting to see more people pass away. Some of them passed for poor choices, and then there are those who’ve started to pass away from more natural causes. I’ve even seen a few close calls for people I wouldn’t have expected health issues to show up. Life is busy, and I think that sometimes we get too caught up in our own heads that we tend to forget to reach out and let people know that we’re thinking of them.

I think that social media has taken up that slack for keeping up, but again we more share about how we’re doing, but I know that I’m guilty of not reaching out to those that matter the most to me. I love them and think of them often, but as long as things seem to be going well on Facebook, I don’t always reach out and say hi. I know that I’ve got those friends who would and have admitted the same.

It really wasn’t until a few years ago that I had lost too many people that I had some real connection too. I lost a friend in an accident, and she wasn’t wearing her seat belt. That was the moment that I realized that I’m reaching a point in my life where I’m going to lose more people that I do care about. It’s not something that a person would like as a reminder that we’re all getting older.

On the positive side of things: life just seems to be getting better all the time. Mentally, I’m in the best place that I’ve been in a long time. As busy as my day’s get anymore, I love what I’m doing. Both jobs are great and I’m making some of the best connections and relationships of my life. Plus I’m doing things that I wouldn’t have thought about doing-wrestling coach. It’s crazy, fun, and challenging. The reward is getting the smiles out of my kids when they do something good.

The other perk to the wrestling job, is that I’m showing kids who don’t feel like they belong any place, that they are accepted and cared for. As a coach, I care about how they are doing mentally as well as having fun. I’ve taken a few of my kids aside just to make sure that they were okay mentally. I think that’s where my strength comes in as a coach, that I care, and it’s not all about winning metals or bouts. I’ve had some parents tell me that their kid has had a positive influence being under my instruction. I’m humbled by that, because there are times that I don’t feel like I know what I’m doing, or that I feel like I’m not a very good coach. That gives me some hope and pride to know that I’m having that positive impact on a young person’s life. I think it’s catching on because I’ve given a few students nick names and other coaches are calling them those names.

I’m sorry that it was so long since my last blog, and I know that I keep saying that I’m going to do better. I do mean it. Anyway, this is the director and that’s a wrap.

Default: Overwhelmed

Over the last several years, I’ve done a huge amount of things to help myself become a better version of the person I was. I’ve grown, learned, and gained so much more in experiences that I could ever really express. I’ve got so much that I want to do, which has been stated in blogs, podcasts, and social media posts. Here’s the issue I keep running into-I get overwhelmed. This is becoming a problem at times, because I don’t get things done because I am getting overwhelmed.

It might be the fact that I seem to have poor time management, or it might be the fact that I’m still trying to find balance in more aspects of life. I’m not sure, but I do seem to keep busy most of the week. First I work for nine hours a day, that includes an one hour lunch. A few of those days, I’m trying to squeeze in a personal training session just so that it can help open up my evening after I get done with my day.

I get home after four in the afternoon, just so I might be able to eat before I go down to the gym and open up for youth wrestling at five o’clock. Practice runs until six-thirty, and I do this for three-days-a-week. Then I go home and take care of relaxing, while trying to also get writing, or studying in before nine or ten at night. Then I shower, and relax for bed. I guess that is a bit busy? It just seems like I don’t have enough time to actually just relax, even my weekends are busy doing things. It’s more fun sure, and it’s not like I’m not enjoying the other aspects in life, I’m just trying to focus and get things done. That overwhelming feeling I get just throws me off my game, and I feel like I revert back into playing video games or watching movies. While it’s not horrible that my life is going this way, I do like writing and I can’t wait to get filming something. I just feel that I want to get so much done, and not all of it is going the way I was expecting.

I apologize for the bitch fest, I’ve just felt overwhelmed and I want to get that focus back. I also spend most of my weekend committed to family and friends, and I have no regrets for how I spend my weekend, I just realize that my last job seemed to be easier to work around, but then I wasn’t doing nearly as much as I’m seemingly doing now.

How do you feel time should be managed? Do you ignore some things, so that you can enjoy others? Being a writer, content creator, trying to manage my physical health, mental health, my relationships with friends and family, it just sometimes seems like it might just be too be a lot.

My ten-thousand-step life has gone down hill meeting the goals, and I try to compensate by playing Just Dance to help get steps up. It works, just pushes my night to go longer, then I”m looking to possibly assist another class on Tuesdays, and Thursdays, which will also keep my evening busy. I think I’ll have to schedule my podcasting to a set time, and do each on opposite weekends. That does sound like a plan.

I must not forget about keeping up with the social media posts, keeping positive, and helping others. What are some of the things that keep you busy? Do you have any tips for not getting overwhelmed?

I remember telling my sister that I kept busy so that I didn’t have time to get negative thoughts in my head. She told me that being busy was good, but it wasn’t helping me deal with the issues at hand. I actually think that she was right. I notice a bad habit is that when things get too much, I tend to procrastinate and shut down at times. I’ve gotten better, but I know that I need to still address some of those issues that I deal with.

Too that, I do have things that I’m absolutely thankful for. One is that I have a job that I love. I’ve had jobs that I’ve enjoyed in the past. I’ve had those that I’ve found something about the job itself to keep me going, and I’ve also had jobs I couldn’t stand. This job however keeps me engaged, and my day seems to go by quickly, for most of the days. The wrestling part, is fun, I enjoy teaching and guiding the kids to learn and grow as people. Twelve hours in my day tends to go by fairly quick, and if it’s a day that I do work out, then I’m usually ready for be around nine-or-ten-at-night. It actually makes me feel old too, and it’s always a night of solid sleep.

I’m hoping to be able to find some time during my week to get out the content, such as a podcast, on my last night of work. I’ve got a team working on other things for me, yet they all have lives, and some have medical issues. I know that what I’m doing now will pay off, but again, I feel overwhelmed at times. Do you know what the worst part of getting overwhelmed is? My answer is that I shut down and don’t do anything constructive, except play video games.

As much as I’ve been a gamer, I realized some time ago that it’s just a distraction from the rest of the world. Worst part is there are times that I find it to just waste time. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with video games, as they are entertainment, just like movies and television, but again, I feel that I could and should be doing something more constructive with my time. I guess that is part of my growth. I mean I go to film school because I love television and movies, and I seem to hardly give at least the television much of my time. Even Youtube is all about me watching tutorials on becoming a better filmmaker, or some health/wellness things. It might involve a few other things as well though.

On a bright note, I woke up Monday morning, got ready for work and actually had a fairly productive day with work, coaching, and a few errands. Some days it actually does amaze me to realize how busy I get. I’m sure that whatever I’ve been feeling, it will eventually balance itself out. Maybe, I’m just being impatient with trying to adjust to everything? Life is overall running smooth, I just wish that I was getting more done in my day, but then I would lose sleep, and after thirteen years of a shitty sleep schedule, I’m actually getting a decent amount of sleep during my work week, and I think that’s great.

Speaking of sleep, it’s an essential part of life running smoothly. It helps with weight, and functioning well. I used to feel weird when I had anything more then four or five hours sleep. Now that I’m getting six-to-six-and-a-half-hours of sleep, I don’t feel so strange. I can’t even believe that I’ve been at my new job for a month-and-a-half now. The crazy part is that my days go by so much faster than I was expecting, and I enjoy being able to use my creative eye with my job. I feel that it will help me become better with filmmaking as well. After all, I always try to do things that serve more than one purpose.

Before we wrap things up, let’s revisit a few things. What happens to you when you get overwhelmed? Do you find ways to overcome that feeling? What tactics do you find useful? Do you feel that fear can be a motivator for being overwhelmed? Please feel free to e-mail me at ckproject@zohomail.com and share your thoughts, or you could leave your comments here on WordPress, and it would help spark a conversation that I’d love to have on this forum.

Remember that you’re not alone in the struggle, there are those who will listen, me being just one of those people. There are also professionals out there to teach you how to cope with whatever might be troubling you. If you need professional help, contact me and I’m sure that I can get you pointed in the right direction, as I’m friends with professionals, and I have people that can help guide you to the appropriate help that is required.

With that being said, this is the director and that’s a wrap.

Remember What It’s For

We all falter at times, and do I feel like I’ve been constantly faltering for three last year. I know it was over a year ago that I was fighting to keep the momentum going and it was the first time that I had to take the rest of the week off from work. While it was a point that stopped me dead in my tracks for my workout momentum, it was also a blessing as it gave me enough time to finally heal my ankle up fully. It was also the start of the pandemic, something that none of us knew would change the way life would continue on.

It was at this time that I was still early on my next time on the nightshift, a co-worker and mine had been doing Starbucks after work on my last shift for the week, and life was pretty good. It was also the time that we wouldn’t know how political everything would be for the next year. In all of “this” excitement, we wouldn’t know what things we were going to be missing, or how we would feel about having our “freedoms” attacked. God, I try to keep away from the politics in my blogs, but this last year just seemed so politically heavy. That, or maybe it was just the first time that I really started to pay attention, and see just how ugly people can get towards each other over differencing points of view.

I’m not sure if it was the fact that we couldn’t go workout, or the fact that my momentum being stopped, just kind of helped cause me to loose my way, but somehow I just stopped being as motivated. I remember that I did try to keep up with my momentum at home. I was still trying to eat right, and I know my workouts started to fall off the grid during that time. Yet, it wasn’t like I stopped wanting to exercise. I know that I was keeping up with my steps. I just wasn’t pushing or pulling the iron like I used too. As with that, I gradually just stopped concerning myself with the work out.

I did however think that I was still being a bit more mindful of how I was eating, but I think that it kind of got out of hand and the bad habits started to creep back in again. I keep thinking that it wouldn’t hurt just one, which added up to more than just one. However, I wasn’t going to let that guilt me into anything too bad. I did maintain the weight for a good amount of time. It’s just now I’ve got to get back on track.

Now I find myself in a job that does more sitting than standing, and I am still figuring out how to keep active while working. At least I’m starting to find the momentum that I need to adjust to the new schedule, and I’m getting a routine for everything. I have also find that I preferred to workout during the lunch hour, and I started to do my personal training sessions during my lunch break. I think that this will be better in the long run.

The time to stop feeling sorry for myself is now. I remember that part of why I started this was to be an inspiration, and now I’m in a position to actually help people get healthier. I got my personal trainers certificate for that reason exactly and that’s part of my intention. I was able to help assistant coach a wrestling team, and I look forward to helping the youth become better athletes in that sport as well. I was told that I had promise as a coach. I hope that it helps me become more confident in helping others obtain their goals as well.

The last month in the new job has been unexpected, and I didn’t realize that it would take time to adjust to a different definition on what normal is. I was active with a uniform and heavy gear for several years, and to go unto another extreme has taken some time to adjust. It’s different when the whole environment has a different dynamic. It’s strange not having to just depend on myself for everything. I love that the job is a new type of challenge and engages my creativity. I find that to be an important factor as a creative mind. I’m able to use my talents to contribute to something bigger than myself.

Have you ever questioned the meaning of life? I think it’s defined differently for every individual out there. I do believe that there’s commonality amongst people thought. For me, it’s about adding to something bigger than myself. Helping others, is just part of what puts satisfaction for me. With that, things sometimes slip away without realizing it, and the focus can be lost. Does that mean it’s a bad thing? Is motivation so easy to forget? I think that I ask myself more than anyone else, because I remember the way I used to feel when I was out of control in my life. The feelings of not belonging in my own body. This isn’t a pleasant feeling, and I’ll fight like hell not to get back there.

Yet, here I am, and I’ve gained some weight back, and lost some motivation. I’m fighting against those feelings, and as of last night, I started to remember that motivation. I can get control back, and it’s not always going to be easy to get things done. I’m just glad that I’ve gotten the opportunity to help coach a wrestling team, and motivate the youth in becoming better versions of themselves. I find that being an instigator is a valuable tool in my skillset because when I talk “shit” I think it helps to motivate them to try harder. Sarah tells me that I’m good with the kids because I’m likable. It might be something to do with my sense of humor as well, but who knows?

I hope that I can find the full determination that I once had. I know that hitting the plateau for as long as I did was one of the hardest and most discouraging things that happened to me. Plus adding on a pandemic and several crazy months towards the end of the year, didn’t seem to help any. Again, that’s enough of the bullshit excuses. Now that I’ve reflected on how things have gone down, and I have my personal trainers certification, I’m ready to get back on track and kick as much ass as possible.

Now it’s time to get back onto some podcasting and various other creative content, as we’ve been developing our comedy, and I’ve been working on my mafia series. I just can’t wait until we can put everything together. I also know that wanting to get things done has been a bit overwhelming, and I’ve not been able to get things done. I feel that there’s a change coming on so that I can get back to finishing these things I’d like done.

So, what motivates you? Have you lost it? Do you want to be motivated? Leave a comment down below. If you haven’t liked or subscribed, please do so. I find that you input matters and I would love to have a conversation with you, the reader. If you feel too embarrassed to put yourself out there like that, you can always e-mail me at ckproject@zohomail.com. Your feelings are important, and you never know a friendship could be formed, and there are others who probably feel the way you do. I know that I’ve found a community of supporters that provide a safe space where most aren’t as judgmental as you might think.

As I’m finding the new rhythm in life, this is the director and that’s a wrap.

The Three Link Circle and What Motivates You?

I heard a saying throughout my life, that always talked about the mind, body, and spirit. The three are linked and it’s amazing how much it truly is linked. I think it was more prominent when I lost all the weight originally and started to feel the body and my mind really feel a bit more in sync. Yet, I’ve not been feeling in sync much lately. I’m trying to be motivated, but things have been a bit rough lately.

With that being said, I love my job, but I think that I’ve been hiding behind that as an excuse for why I’ve not been working out regularly. I know that most aspects of my life are good, I just find that I’m not as motivated as I could be. I saw that guy, and I know who he is, I just can’t seem to hold up those expectations that I once had. Again, I know that it’s an excuse. I’m sure most people can relate, right? I’m sure that if I keep fighting, I’ll find it again, after all I do have the means and the knowledge to get there.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve gained a little weight from the pandemic, and lack of motivation, but my body hasn’t been feeling right, and I also know that I’m starting to find that pace I need to get back on track, which I know is contradictory to what I stated, however, I know it’s there, I just need to say fuck it and go for it. I won’t lie, I’ve been overwhelmed about things in life. I’ve got all these things that I want to do, but being overly ambitious isn’t always the best thing to be. It can lead to mental fatigue. I bet you’re thinking, “Wait a minute Chris, I thought you had your shit together?” I only wish that was true. I’m sure that this is just a phase and I’ll get through it, I’m just finding that it’s been hard to get back into the groove of things. Even with things going so much better than I had planned.

Again, it feels like I’m making an excuse, because I really do want to be that beacon that I once was. So I guess that physically I’m not in sync with the mental part of me. I just need to actually switch my mindset. I hadn’t realized that I would be so busy with work, and maybe that’s what I’m trying to get used too. My last job, gave me certain freedoms that kept me able to concentrate on other things. Now, I’m just trying to figure out what I need to do to take my breaks and do a bit of activity. I’ve been able to move boxes around, and honestly, I’m able to get about two-miles in my little building during the day, including a bit of walking before and during lunch.

That’s it, I just need to finish finding that rhythm and go for it. I’m already feeling better, by talking it out here on this blog. However the question still hasn’t been asked, or stated anywhere; what’s your motivation? What is it that drives you to do better? Not being the person that I used to be is probably the biggest motivator for me. I’m finding that I’m having to tweak different, small aspects of what I’ve been doing to find the right path. Maybe I need to find something in the middle of my day to help get back on track. As a matter of fact, I’m gonna try to do my workout during my lunch to help get things back on the right path. My job has been very physically demanding with what we’ve been currently working on.

What about the spiritual path, where does that healthy aspect of life fall in line? Some find going to church and having fellowship is what helps to refresh and renew the relationship with the deity that they choose to worship. Some, find that working out in the gym is their path to the spiritual realm. For me, it’s when I go for my 10,000 step walk, on a “mostly” regularly basis. I’ve fallen a bit flat with that, but again, I’m adjusting, which I did say feels like an excuse, but I’m finding that adjusting to the new life change has really put me into something of a surprising nature with finding out how much the work has put a demand on me. I do love it though, because it’s a fulfilling job, for my energies and mentally. I love the positive atmosphere.

Things are also just seeming to fall in place for other aspects in life. The only part that I don’t have much change for the better is Sarah and her Crohn’s. That’s frustrating and leaves me feeling for her as there’s not really much that I can do for her. I can only say and do so much, but I do care, and I know that she knows that. Again, there’s only so much that I can do.

I’m taking some other movements that hopefully help get and get the brands going in a better way. Sarah has been working on prototypes for merchandise, and I’m glad that she can things to do that won’t irritate her arm, and gives her something that helps her feel useful. I believe that she even said that she was finding it “fun and exciting”.

Circling around to that link, between the three aspects in life that are most important for the self-well being: physically, mentally, spiritually. It’s like links in a chain, it’s only as strong as its weakest. I know that it sounds cliché, but there’s reasons that they fit so appropriately. I gained a bit of weight, and I feel it. It’s thrown my balance in those links off. Mentally, because my physical link is off, is also off. For my spirit, it’s always battling with itself, yet I will endure.

My critique is this; I felt that this blog might have gone a bit all over the place. I’ve been working on it off and on for the last week, and quite frankly, I’m glad that I am starting to get a rhythm going with this life change that I’ve been handed. It’s all about building a better version of myself, and career wise counts just as much as physically, mentally, and spiritually. They all are linked, and a good career, can help to enhance all of those things. Getting away from toxic environments helps with these things. Getting away from negative influences helps with these things.

I think that the next thing I really need to work on is time management, it feels like I’ve got so much to do, or at least what I want to do. I find that it gets overwhelming at times, and I wish that I could get more done everyday. It’s a job to keep working on the physical health, mental health, and spiritual health. The goals I have are going to be obtained, it’s just a matter of hard work and focus. Most people don’t see, or don’t get the kind of work that goes into success. There are memes that talk about the iceberg of success, and I know that if I keep going I will get there. Though curve balls tend to get in the way from time to time.

So, where have you been on your path? Do you know what direction that your life is going? Do you wanna talk about it? You can always feel free to e-mail me at ckproject@zohomail.com. I really want to hear from you. I want to start a conversation that would be mutually enriching for the both of us. Remember too like, subscribe, and please share the blogs. There may be someone you know that might find some inspiration in the words that I write. I’ve been fortunate to have people tell me that they’re glad that I have the “bravery” to share my story. I appreciate all the love and support that I’ve been shown through the years. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Remember to Uplift Each Other

Part of the journey that I’ve been on has focused on helping others. This has one of the better aspects of my life. With that, it’s also nice to help uplift a friend when something good has happed. People like praise. People like to know when they’ve done a good job. While the cynic in me has teased a few people for overly trying to get that pat on the back, I understand the desire for recognition. While I’ve teased a friend, or a co-worker, I would say that it was all out of fun. Silently, I’ve been proud of the work that they’ve done. This was an attitude from another mindset.

Joke’s aside, I find myself trying to show how proud I am of people’s accomplishments. This year alone, not only myself, but several friends have seemed to have things go in a better direction. New jobs, new friendships, better choices in life. That’s what makes this year amazing so far, despite the fact that there have been a few instances that has left us questioning how the year’s going to go. Plus, my friends who’ve had Covid-19 have seemed to have taken a turn for the better.

I beam with pride to see the accomplishments of my friends, in particular my teammate. The people who are part of my inner circle, whom have been working with me with the filming part of my life. It’s amazing to see how the group is growing in friendship, support, and success. I find that this helps each with their, and my own mental health. To see how each of us had struggled with some sort of stressor, to find that a new adventure will help take us each on an unexpected journey, is truly a delight, in my opinion. I hope that this success rolls on into the things that we have intertwined together for this year.

I think what’s going to help deal with what’s going on right now in this world, is to do the best for a positive mindset. What about those who’ve lost loved ones to the pandemic? I get not everyone is going to be able to get through this without some rough times. I would never take away the pain that has happened as I’ve lost people to it as well. It’s part of the journey called life, and it’s during these times, that we find ourselves finding out who we are.

It’s training ourselves to think differently. I’ve seen where things look bleak. Hell, I almost took my own life when life looked darkest and I couldn’t seem to find a way out. Yet, we have the potential and power within ourselves to make a difference in the way we experience life. We don’t always have the answers, and I know even with the experiences that I have, I’m finding myself discussing things that I’ve not had to deal with. How can we figure these things out, without the knowledge to get there? I think this is where therapy can help. People far smarter than me, helped to get me learning a new way to think.

I used to watch Saturday Night Live when I was younger. Al Franken used to play this character named Stewart Smily, and he would look in the mirror and say this phrase that he would say at the end of every skit: I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me. I know that it was used for satire purposes, and that it was to get a laugh, but there was something there. It sounds crazy, but it works. It’s tricking your brain into believing something.

Self-esteem is often times something most people have little of. So many people are their own harshest critics. I know that I’ve tried to over compensate with having an inflated ego. It wasn’t the best way to handle it, but it was the only way I knew how to overcome anything. Remember when I said that I had been a toxic person? That’s the reason why. It’s hard to navigate through life, when you have no idea what you’re doing, or have no direction.

Which brings another point up: knowledge is power. I know a bit cliché, but it speaks to the messages we would get through our Saturday morning cartoons when I was growing up. NBC had that catch phrase of the more you know, with at little jingle while the wishing star flew across the screen. GI Joe, He-man, a time where it seemed like lessons where just as important then entertainment. Know what your worth is, too many people won’t let you know your true value. It’s fortunate when you can find those who see your value and potential. I’ve been blessed with those that I call to my inner circle, because they know my worth, as I know their’s.

I do fall short at times as I don’t always seem to show my appreciation and adoration for the woman that I call my wife. She does more than anyone could ever know. She’s dealing with chronic illness, healing from a major surgery, helping online schooling two children, one of which isn’t getting the best attention he needs, because of his special needs. On top of that she still finds time to take care of the rest of the family life, and tries to get stuff done for the brands. As I had said before, she truly is the captain that steers this ship. I just happen to be the charismatic mouth piece.

Yet, she’s the example of lifting others up. She just seems to have people not be as supportive towards her, and that’s not on any in this house. Though I will admit that I’ve not always uplifted her as well, this is just something to remind her that I do appreciate her, and the caring uplifting person she is.

It’s really a shame that this world has shown so much ugly, and I always wonder if it’s because there are those who feel that they’ve gotten the short end of the stick? I’ve know, and am related to people who just can’t seem to accept the responsibilities of their own actions. I’ve been there myself, but becoming self aware about these things has brought some peace, and it helps the stress levels. I feel it’s better to put out the positive energies and vibes than not.

This also leads me to have to say that I try not to give up on people, and I’m always optimistic that things will turn around for those who sometimes are toxic. I have those long time friends, whom I can’t seem to give up on. It gets hard to navigate because of their tireless complaining about how bad they have it seems to drain on my positive energy, and it gets tiresome. Even when explaining that they could look at it from a different point of view, it changes their tone for at least the rest of that conversation, yet seems to go back to the same thing every other time. I’ve considered stopping the contact, and I get sad about that idea, since I’ve been friends with some of these people for twenty-plus years.

Maybe that’s where balance comes in for my life as I’ve got those who are amazing and uplifting as well? It sucks when that energy sucking conversation is the normal for every conversation, and it doesn’t feel normal trying to have a normal conversation. I got stuck with some people this way, and I know that we don’t talk as much as we used too. I even had to say that I didn’t have the energy for that specific conversation at the time. We would be able to change the subject, but it felt kind of forced and unnatural.

Side note time: I found myself getting busy during the second half of this blog, because well, life happens. I noticed that I’d lost my train of thought for a bit as live is getting into a new normal for me as I’m about to embark on a new journey with a new job.

I lost some contacts through social media, of co-works, who I considered friends. I’m not mad that I was unfriended, just a bit sad about it. Sometimes I realize that I take things like this too hard. Maybe it has to do with some deep down need of validation? I just have to think that I have the important people in my life for a reason, and those who’ve I’ve had the chance to truly befriend are still in my life for a reason.

Thanks for taking the time and following me on my train of thoughts. Remember to like subscribe, share, spread the word. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

More Progress

I worked out, and I checked to see that I’ve lost a few pounds. It’s exciting to know that I’m heading back in the right direction in my weight loss journey once again. I’m also heading in the right direction as I’ve passed my test for my personal trainers certification. Once again, I’d like to say that my years starting off strong. It’s just like the rest of life, we have our ups and downs. Either way, it’s still considered progress.

I’m also about a week away from starting that new job. The anticipation, and the anxiety are playing through my emotions, yet I’m preserving over all this. Which means that I’m taking most of the time I need to keep working on my steps, and reseting myself with a new energy to take on this new experience. I was glad that I told all three days of my training session last week and made it, I plan on getting all three days in this week.

So much going on at once, and with that my son will be fifteen soon. It’s crazy to think that I’ve got a house full of teenage numbers, and I’ll stick Lily in that category because she’s going to be thirteen in June. Time truly does fly, whether you’re having fun or not. I’m glad that I hit the breaks and turned my life around. It’s hard when you’re at a weight that you don’t feel like you belong in the body that houses your essence. The struggle was real with being out of breath and hurting to move.

I still hurt when I move, but for better reasons than the fact that I was too heavy to move. I took my life back, and it wasn’t an easy journey. I still struggle with it at times. Yet, I’ve never wanted to give up. I’ve made excuses on why I wasn’t working out. Some of them have been legit, but that consistency is back, and honestly, by the end of the week, I should be getting that hands on training to actually be a personal trainer. I’m humbled and blessed to have Sam Basco in my life, not only as a friend, but as a trainer, and mentor. He’s giving me the training that I need to become successful at my journey, and it just adds more to the CK Project. Couldn’t you tell that I’ve become all about my brands, and how I can try and help people?

I’m thinking that I’ll start out working a few hours on the weekends, probably mornings, and as I get confidence and better at knowing the job, I’ll probably open up to a few hours here or there during the weekday nights. Again, I’m thankful to have Sam in my life, especially since I want to get more healthy and help others get there. The struggle of being over weight, and being an addict to food, is a difficult road. I know that I’ve been able to inspire people, and yet for some reason, I don’t feel like I’ve been very inspiring over the last year.

I’m thankful that Sarah comes and takes phots of my workout, it shows the effort that I do, when I am there, but again, consistency had been the biggest issue that I have had over the last year. I’ve kept having the same thought going through my head over the last couple of weeks, that things are going to look up. The drive to stay consistent is there, the negative vibes I had been around, are starting to dissipate. The thing about negativity is it often attaches itself to those around it. Trying to be a beacon of positivity was usually easy, but there were times that I would struggle to keep on that path.

There are some things that surprised me over the last few years, the experiences I’ve had, the learning, the growth. Yet I find that the biggest surprise is that I had met some truly remarkable, people. Some I had known for years, but after working with them, I had gotten to know how giving and kind they were. I’ve also surprised myself by finding a new motivation to push to get things done. That I’ve finally getting the chance to see the fruits of my labor.

Allow me to explain what kind of discoveries I’ve discovered about the CK Project. It started out as a way to for me to be held accountable for my weight loss journey. I hit bad time of depression and it went the brand went into obscurity. I figured that I would bring it back and rebrand it as a mental health blog. This was where I was able to write about my struggles and share my experiences with others. I found that this was a move towards healing, and sorting out what I was feeling.

It wasn’t until I decided that I had enough, and I was ready to take my life back that I started to get back to talking about my weight struggles and combined that with my mental health as well. So, I started to do podcasts that involve both weight loss and mental health. The thing is, it seems like the blogging that I do here is received well for both, but the weight loss seems to be a bit more popular. My podcasts however seem to be more popular when we discuss the mental health issues, and the struggles that we, and I mean my co-host often struggle with. So, I’m learning to play to the strengths and do what keeps the interest in the various forms that we present the info on.

I’ve gotten the compliment that the podcast keeps things real and pure. That there’s a raw emotion that goes into the experiences of those who decide to spill their guts to our audience. Here’s the spotify link https://open.spotify.com/show/0Zy347qxMYe8Py7W3eVIAA?si=KucvpPuSRqiv5J7W8Y9PHA. If you haven’t heard it, I encourage you too. I think the tone sets for an interesting listening. Plus it’s an important passion project, and we’re always looking for people who want to be courageous enough to share their experiences as well. It might just help someone, who feels that they’re the only ones who struggle.

I know for some people, this year hasn’t been the easiest of starts. I’ve had several close friends come down with Covid-19, the plus is that they have make a recovery. At the moment they’re through the worst, even if not completely better. I also know that with our current climate, life here in America is uncertain, and it’s a bit scary. I personally feel that things are going to get better, and I think that the light at the end of the tunnel is getting closer. Keep the faith, and keep on going. That’s all any of us can ever do. Continue to move forward.

Now, I’m looking forward to getting the information for the new job, so that I can take that big step on the newest page of the journey in life. There are freedoms that I’m looking forward too, with this new kind of work. An actual lunch hour, wearing normal clothes, hell, not having to shave everyday is probably the biggest highlight of the new job. Then the questions that remain, what are my hours going to be? Can I shuffle around hours to get certain commitments completed? I know that it sounds silly, but these are things that have been going through my mind lately.

The other question is how the new position is going to change my plans for summer. I’m supposed to take the family back to Pennsylvania for my mothers memorial in June. How is that going to be affected? I’ll figure it all out, and with the pandemic, I should be able to build up the projects that I’ve been working on so that it will keep my weekends busy, as I will also be making a little extra as a personal trainer. Life is going to be good, and that’s the way I’m having to live my life.

How’s the year treating you so far? Remember too like and subscribe to the blog. Also leave a comment, let me know what you want to talk about, share your experience. Let’s keep the conversation going and network. You matter, you are important. You can also e-mail me at ckproject@zohomail.com. The blog site is really taking off, and I would love to get this to be more interactive. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

New Chapter, New Page

Funny thing is this; I started a blog on the third of January, and I wasn’t able to finish. It was going to talk about the continuation of the shit storm that was 2020. New year, and no reset. That’s not what this particular blog is going to be all about. It’s about how life can rapidly change, and the experience of what that change can be like. I want to state that after thirteen-years being involved with security, I’ve gotten an opportunity to change career fields and I’m both excited, and anxious for what the future holds.

This year, I’ve seen many people struggle with what life has been dealing with them. An example: I have friends who’ve been hospitalized due to complications of Covid-19. It’s rough to see them struggle with this and I hope for the best for them, because losing people I see how serious this can be. I’ve seen people who haven’t believed in the virus, change their minds after actually getting it. Wait…wasn’t I supposed to be talking about something new and exciting? I’m heading in that direction I promise.

With these rough things going on, I think that we’re gonna be getting through this soon, and things will look up. Keep that silver lining in mind through a couple more months. Now, on to the point I was going to get too.

Life has been going at a rapid fire pace over the last several months. My daughter, Autumn had gotten sick, but she made it. I’m feeling fortunate because of that. I had tried to roll with everything going on, and I thought I did pretty well. A few close calls with Covid-19 sure, but I survived. I also gained some weight over the last year, because the consistency of my workouts had gone out the window. I’m back and determined to head in the right direction once again. Focus is the thing I felt that I lacked for a minute. Again…I’m back, and I’m going to be better than ever.

So, in a slight review of the highlights of last year, I got a pay raise, I lost my maternal mother, my dog, and my ex-wife. If you would have asked me right before Christmas, I would have not had any idea where things were going to head in life. The day after Christmas, I applied for a job, and heard back just two-days later. Now I have the job that I’ll be starting at the end of the month.

Let’s take a minute and talk about signs. You know how they say that God works in mysterious ways? That He will give you signs when his work is to be done? Or maybe fate pulls us in a certain direction? This happened to me. I’m a spiritual person, and I will admit that I shun organized religion. I have many friends and family members that do go to their church, and I’m a supporter of anyone who has a strong belief system. With that said, for almost a week, I kept getting this job popping up in my e-mail, and I figured that I would apply for it at the end of the week. Sign one through how many notices I got. Then I had a former co-worker text me about the job, and he told me to apply. I applied a few days later, and I’m so happy with the results of the response.

I had gotten a quick response, then was asked about having an interview. I agreed that we could talk that Monday morning, and while I was in the shower, I got the call. To be honest, it didn’t even really feel like an interview, but the contact told me that she would get a hold of me sometime after the new year.

The next week, I called her back, because I wanted to keep the momentum up on the positive feelings I was having. With that a few days later I had gotten my job offer, and I had to get a few things together so we could proceed with the hiring process. It’s crazy how fast this all went, and a strange feeling had come over me. I was nervous and my body was shaking. It wasn’t bad, just a huge realization that my life was going to change in a big way. That Thursday, I put in my notice that I would only be with the company I worked for, two more weeks.

So, I should back track and say that I had another sign happen while I was deciding if I was ready to be done with my current job. I had been changing out of my uniform when my badge had popped off, and broke. This put me in a realization that my job of thirteen years was finally coming to an end. That next day, I put in my resignation letter.

With that I decided to use the remainder of my leave before I started my new job. I was going to take the last two-weeks off. So far it’s been going well. I’ve been able to realize the stress and anxiety that I had been feeling about things.

So, a couple of days ago was Monday. It was my forty-second birthday, and for my birthday I turned in all my gear, and I’ve had mixed feeling about it. I was sad to go, because it had been the place I had called home for so long. I’d had many ups and down. I’ve made friends and connections that I’ll value for the rest of my life. Now, I’m getting prepared for that next step in life.

One thing that I realized is that the job I did for so long, is that I’ll be viewing it from a different perspective. I’m nervous because it’s a new experience, but I’m hungry for the challenge, and not wearing a uniform has a certain appeal. Not having to shave everyday has an even bigger appeal. I’m currently growing a beard, just to grow one.

I’m looking forward to a new and better schedule, while swing shift was the best hours for the former job. Ten-hours made for a long shift, and Thirteen was even longer when I started so long ago. Now, I’ll be able to take a lunch, now I’ll be able to be home in the evenings, while not having to get up at four-in-the-morning. I should say, at least I hope. I’m still finding myself getting the information that I need to actually start, and I’m gonna kick it and do the extra stuff I’ve been meaning to do before then. It’s like hitting a reset button.

So, I’m a creative individual, and unless I was tucked away from everything at work, I didn’t have much time to be creative. While I was still working the day shift, I noticed that I was most productive with my creativity between the hours of five-to-nine. This means that I’m going to be able to focus more on working with my brands and producing more content. I’m excited by this venture as well. Creativity is the thing that makes me most happy in life. Filming, writing, podcasting. No more struggles with not being able to focus my time on the things that I find important. This will be good for my mental health as well as getting into a better workout routine.

I know that this seemed to be more about where life has taken me, as of late, and with the pace being quick, it’s kind of something that I’ve gotten used to over time. When big things happen, they usually come with a rapid speed. I’m glad that we’ve made it unto another year, and I’m glad that my degree is finally paying off in the more professional part of my life. I’m glad that I’ve had such support through all of this, as I do feel that I’m fortunate to have some of the most amazing people in my life. I’ve also had the opportunity to help guide a few people into a better direction in life, and that’s always a pleasant feeling. I will make this year a far better one than the previous year, and I have a feeling that those reading this will also find that same thing. This is the director, and like always, that’s a wrap.