Haters Gonna Drink That Haterade

So my journey has gone fairly smoothly so far. I’ve had so much positive reactions to it, though I’ve had a few haters in the background. The good part of that was that until recently non of that feedback was spoken to my face. Maybe this was because someone was too afraid that I would react poorly to their comments? Who knows? In truth, I don’t really care.

So, I finally got my first naysayer on Facebook, by someone casting doubt on my results in one of the groups I’m a member of. The fact that someone doubted me, I could’ve handled a number of ways. I could have been petty and insulted this person for judging me without knowing my story. I could have let it tear me down, and make everything feel like a waste. However, I actually didn’t respond, and I had people who’ve witnessed my transformation actually take up the mantle and come to my defense.

I have the fortune to have traveled this path and find the most amazing and supportive people during this time. I want to think that my honestly and integrity is what helped me connect with these people. Maybe the fact that I’m not an asshole about my journey is part of the appeal? I’m trying my best to stay humble, and think that people are inspired by my work has caused me to find a purpose in my life. It causes me to want to do better.

All-the-while, I won’t lie and say that it wasn’t part of any plan. I always hoped that the way I handled things would be used as a tool to inspire others to improve themselves. That was something I did when I started any part of my self-improvement journey. All the way back when I started the CK Project, I just felt that it had to evolve when I was going through different stages in my life.

I used it as a way to keep myself accountable to myself and others, but as I had gone into a depressive state, it became part of my mental health, and the healing process. This was the point where I figured that people could see my struggles, and maybe be inspired by the fact that I didn’t let those negative thoughts end a life that had so much more potential than I would have ever expect at the time.

It’s amazing how that being in a mentally dark place can cause you too loose all sense of self-worth. I felt like the world would be a better place without me, and that I wasn’t as important as I am, or is it I must be? I’m not trying to brag, or sound egotistical, but I’ve found that I do have value in this world, and that if I were to disappear I would be missed.

Yes, I know that my family would miss me, that’s more obvious than you might think I realize. I do understand the value that I bring to them. As of the conversations that I’ve had over the last few years, and even people I talk to on a constant basis, I have discovered that there are people who put more value into who I am, than I ever would have expected.

This comes from people who have said they consider me their best friend. I’m humbled by this because some of these people I don’t feel that I did anything more particular then just listen without judgement and treat them decently. To be honest, those who are the one’s that I consider my best friends, I’m an asshole to. I love them, but I also give them so much shit and about everything. At the same time, I would have their backs through fire and brimstone.

Again, this comes at when is the appropriate time to be that way, and when to be serious. Part of the consequences, or blessings of being apart of that circle is that I’m gonna give it to them honestly, and it’s not always something other’s understand.

An example is, I have a friend whom I’ll call Sexy Beast. If he reads this, then he’ll know that I’m calling him out on something. Those who know my group might know this nickname, so then you can also know that I’m gonna call him out on something as well. As one of my oldest and closest friends, who’s seen be through two marriages, knows full-well that as I love him like a brother, I’m gonna call him on his bullshit. He’s dealing with diabetes, and his blood sugar has been high, more often than not. So, where is the calling out on his crap?

So, people on his Facebook give him words of encouragement, and hey I’m the first to say that I’m in his corner, as I’ve inspired him to get healthier. Look at his page and you’ll see it for yourself. However, I know that he’s eating poorly, and drinking alcohol, so that’s why his blood sugar is so high. My response, because I know what he’s doing is to stop fucking up. He knows better, and I wouldn’t be so harsh if I didn’t care. Sometimes, that brutal dose of reality, is what people need. I don’t want his funeral to be the next that I go too. My children love him like an uncle, and I’ve had to deal with the loss of too many of my peers over the last few years.

I guess in that way, to the outside observer, it would look like maybe I’m being the hater in that situation. The truth is, I care. Sometimes I care far more than I should, because I’ve been through the heart break of disappointment by someone I loved, and couldn’t help. The people who’ve I’ve had a lasting impact on their lives, and have left the same on me, I care about. I love them and want nothing but the best for them.

I think part of the hardest thing that I deal with is watching people hate on others. I know some of the reasons, and I can see where that might cause some discontent, but it comes down to people not knowing the whole story.

Remember the blog about the moms? How people give the nasty, judgmental looks towards misbehaving kids? Usually it’s from not knowing that the child could have behavioral issues. My fellow parent’s of autistic children, understand.

I know that it’s so easy to tear people down, when things are different than social standards. I know it’s easy to destroy something because of some insecurity issues. Think of what could be accomplished? Maybe people would feel less shitty about themselves? It’s okay to share in someone else’s success. You might not realize it, but that support could just be one of the things that helps make someone be better than they are.

The worst thing any of us can do is feed into the negativity that surrounds so much of this cynical world. We can continue to hate and tear everyone down, but why? Because of fear? Why, because of hate? To quote a little green man: Fear leads to hate, hate leads to suffering… Haven’t we all suffered enough from the world around us? Haven’t we had enough of this selfishness to last a life time? Let’s build something bigger and better for our children’s children.

I hate hearing about eight-year-olds taking their lives, because society makes them feel a certain way. I had been there once, and it’s a fear that I’ve had about my own children. It’s hard to see them go through similar situations, helplessly watching, knowing that you can’t do anything to really make it better.

This is the director, and I think I’ll step off the soapbox for tonight, and call the martini shot, because that’s a wrap.

Let’s Get Caught Up

Wow, it’s been a while since I last blogged. So much has happened. For one I did start a blog last month about it being my two-year-anniversary since my weight loss surgery, and how it changed my life, but life got in the way with other things, and I became less motivated to finish that blog.

With that being said, I figured that I would turn this into a hodgepodge of several things in a blog and cover all my bases.

I had my two-year-anniversary since I had my gastric sleeve done, and so far I’ve teetered between around 167, and 169 pounds being gone. That’s not bad by all means, but being at a plateau like that since May has been a bit discouraging.

In the last few months I’ve started training a bit differently and going from weight training to body weight training. It’s different, and feels more challenging for me. I do still get in the weights from time to time, but I prefer this new type of training because it seems to hit the muscles down deeper.

Part of the changes that have happened is that I have become more aware of my body. I realize the spots that have weakness, and I try to be a bit more mindful when they start to hurt. Stretching is one of those ways that I try to compensate for some of the issues. My left knee is usually the one thing I can’t ever seem to get completely stretched out. I’ve had to find a few different positions to get that right stretch in.

So, this brings me up to the things that I wanted to get caught up on for  the new year. I’ve started a food journal on Tumblr, and I find that it is keeping me a bit more honest than I thought. I defiantly consider more about what it is that I’m eating, and I hope that this is one way that helps get me back on the path of losing weight. This is also something that I’ll be adjusting and evolving as I go along. Right now, I just keep track of what I’m eating, and soon I’ll be adding calorie, carb, protein count into the mix. The bright side of this is that I’ve been constant over the last few days.

On the opposite end of this, is the fact that when I was doing Weight Watchers, I hated keeping track of what I would eat. I started out doing well, but it just kind of fell out of the way. I guess that it helps I’m in a different spot mentally.

Out of all the changes in my body since I’ve been working out, I feel that my shoulders have defiantly shaped up the most nicely, and I can’t weight until my stomach gets a bit flatter. I’ll have to talk to the doctor about the skin removal surgery in ten days, which will also be my forty-first birthday. I’ve been seeing some of the skin removal results from fellow weight loss people, and I’m still a bit nervous about this whole thing.

I think that’s where the vanity comes in. I’ve got surgical scars, but I’m not looking forward to having more, especially some that would literally be right under my nose. I know that for health and comfort, it’s probably the best decision and I can’t wait until I can fit in clothes better. I’m just not excited for the eye sore that will come from the end product. I’m also not looking forward to the recovery process, and I’m gathering how bad it’s going to be.

It’s strange because when I had two-thirds of my stomach removed, the recovery time wasn’t as bad as it could have been. The first month was hard, but it got so much easier as I went along, and the first month was the hardest part, both physically and mentally. the mental part is what surprised me the most.

So, as we continue on with this blog, it’s a new year. I’m not going to say the generic, “New year, new me,” statement because I actually have come to dislike it. I figure if you’re going to change habits, and be a better person, then why wait? Just do it! Start the change now, and keep it going into the new year. The whole concept of the new year is wiping the slate clean, just kind of baffles me anymore. It’s just another day, and things are going to continue the way you choose to handle them. All a new year does is give you a new number to deal with.

However, with that being said, this year is going to prove to be a step in the right direction as it is. With the shameless cross promoting that I do, we are striking the right cords to get Luckey Bom Films going with three projects in the works, and Unexpected Side Trip seems to keep getting pushed back for financial reasons, we’ll be hitting up the crowdfunding soon enough. I’m excited because it’s just one of the scripts that I completed last year. I’ve finished a second draft of Life Happens and I’m excited because I’m getting in front of the camera for that one. It’s a bit bitter sweet because I had been working on the idea for the last four years, and to finally see the story fleshed out feels like an accomplishment. It’s also the longest script I have done so far.

The final script that I’ve been developing is a rehash of the first short that I ever did, Appreciate What You Got. It’s one that I was inspired to create a character off of an amazing young lady the I had gotten to know through interactions at work, and it was the first short I ever developed. The original project showed me a glimpse of what I was starting to get myself into, and fortified my passion as a story teller.

One of the exciting things about all my stories so far, is that with my friend Ed, who played Nash Gray, and has let me use some of his creative properties to help tell stories, i.e. Nash Gray, Unexpected Side Trip; has helped me come up with the idea that I should have my own shared universe. That is something that I’ve been able to do, and is something that as a writer I find exciting when I can start tying things in together.

I’ve also got some other things planned in between projects that I’ll be doing, I just have to wait before I say too much about that.

The CK Project  is also getting some love this year, as the podcast is gaining momentum. Combining that with some magic of having a film production company, we’ve come out with our first multi-cast last month. That’s what took me so long to get anything out content wise, and I’m still developing my visual skills in post production.

As far as the podcast goes, I’ve been connecting and networking with so many people that we’re looking to bring on several guests with in this year. It’s going to be an adventure as we’ll be having people from across the states join us. People that I’ve known for years, people that it seems like I’ve just really gotten to know through the whole weight loss journey. The CK Project  is going to another level as we are looking to make it a non-profit business, to help raise awareness and funds for mental health. The niche that the podcast is finding is weight loss and the affects on mental health. While we talk about a number of things, mental health seems to be the subject that keeps popping up, and it’s seemingly getting people interested in our message.

Yet to finish off where things are going, I do have a third brand, which is gaining the momentum that we wanted. The Geekultural Experience is a passion project of mine and Sarah’s. As we are geeks, and it’s one of the many things that I’ve had that has gotten me connected with people. We’ve got a podcast, which we’re still finding our niche, but it’s also helped Sarah start a few things on her own. She’s started up a local Steampunk group called the Coggle Society, and I think this is something that she’s going to shine in. I totally support that she’s doing this, however I’m not into the steampunk scene like she is. Though watching her work on this and watching her grow as a person because of this has been a wonderful thing to see.

We’ve got a busy year a head of us, as we’ll be doing charities as well as working in the community on a couple of other projects that are in the early stages of development. More details will be coming out as we get further into it.

With that, holy shit! I had more to say then I thought I would. I am the Director and that’s a wrap.

The Advice Challenge Number One

Okay, so I’ve been asked to anonymously give someone advise on their current situation. So, after already trashing two blogs, I’ve decided to take it on, head-on, and I’m not going to stop until I can get through this. So, I’m gonna set-up the situation, and give my two cents on the subject.

My friend had become a single parent, and being a newly single mom, had to have her parent’s help with taking care of her children. As she was living in Northern California, she was working full-time, and putting in overtime, so that she could provide for her children in a place that has a higher cost of living. As time went on her parent’s slowly started criticizing the way she would deal with her money and personal affairs in life.

A sense of bullying had started to become part of her relationship from her parents. She didn’t always make the right choices, but she was just trying her best by her kids. Things have gotten worse, between herself and her parents, and all of a sudden her frustrations had caused her to say things out of heated passion, and while not always the proper words to say, it has caused legal action between herself and her parents over the children.

I won’t get into more details on everything, but I will go ahead and speak on the whole case with everything I do know.

In the legal dealings with your parents, I think that having a combative attitude isn’t the smartest thing to do. You should walk in with a calm collected mind. I know that it’s not always easy, especially when it’s your own children involved, but they are the one’s who suffer the most throughout this process. We’ve talked about your tendency to be defiant, and that doesn’t look good in the eyes of the court when dealing with your kids.

Yes, it does suck that your parents would treat you the way they have, after all blood is supposed to be thicker than water, however,  speaking from personal experience, that’s not always the case. I’m not close to most of my family as it is, I’m just fortunate to be able to be close to my parents.

There are the pressures of other factors in your life, marriage, finances, dealing with work, and health. The best thing I can say for any of this is to figure out which things are priority and tackle them one at a time. Sometimes the ones that seem like the most important, aren’t always the easiest to work on first.

Be smart on your choices, don’t be brash and defiant. Remember that this isn’t about self gratification, this is about getting your children back and get your life back on the right track. Again, it isn’t the easiest, but I know you can do it, if you have patience.

This also means that you have to look at the other factors in your life. Do you have toxic relationships? Maybe you need to consider severing ties to those people. I think things will work out if you keep going to make things better for yourself and your kids, but you have to take that initiative and go for it.

The Hardest Pill To Swallow

Sometimes I think about the things going on in my life, and I try to think about some of the more difficult situations that I’ve experienced myself. I’m gonna be honest, it’s not the easiest thing to do either. Being honest with yourself, and others isn’t always the simplest or easy choice to make.

Someone who comes out as homosexual or trans is considered brave. I’ve heard people make jokes about coming out as silly and shouldn’t be considered brave, but I’ll argue that with them any day, as it opens people up to being “targeted” for hate crimes. In a world like this, I’m surprised that we haven’t evolved enough to be respectful of everyone’s right to be who they are. It’s opening up and saying that I’m different from society’s norms that causes people to be brave. With the fear of being rejected by those who are supposed to love you thorough whatever decisions are made. I’ve had friends who’s relationships with their parents, who are supposed to support you through everything, lose their families.

Let’s take it one step further, being honest with others isn’t always easy because people tend not to like to hear about their own flaws. I would gather that it might have something to do with ego. Also, it’s hard to see our own faults as they are part of who we are on a daily basis. I know that it took me a long time to finally realize some of my own faults. I’m a fidgety nail biter for one. I can’t seem to stay still for long periods of time, but those are small and petty compared to some of my other flaws.

I used to think that I didn’t have an ego, but the truth is I was narcissistic at times, and I didn’t think anybody’s opinion mattered but my own. I had the “it’s my way or the highway” mentality. When I look at who I was, I ended up being full of toxic masculinity. Talk about the hardest look at my life. I had to break this down so that I could grow, as a person. The sad part is, most people can’t or won’t ever be in that position to look at themselves. It usually takes an eye opening experience to get to that point and find themselves in a time of rebuilding.

Another time honesty is a hard pill to swallow is when it comes to relationships. Honesty is always the best policy in a relationship, but it’s not always the easiest to do. Sometimes, we choose not to say something, because we know that the effect of honesty can hurt the person we love. The cliché, “does this make me look fat?” is the perfect example of this. While we would love to tell our significant other that they look great in whatever they’re wearing, it’s not always the case. If you say, “babe, it doesn’t look good on you,” then a fight can proceed the comment that you made. Yes, this is kind of a light example of honesty in relationships, but there are far more deeper examples that play into relationships.

Feelings can change in a relationship. Sometimes, the bond between a couple isn’t always strong. Sometimes, people aren’t in love like they were. That’s part of the rollercoaster of relationships. You have your ups and downs, good times, bad times. Some days you look at that person you chose to stay with “until death do us part”, and you realize that the fire isn’t there. It’s not always the case, because there are days that you look, and are amazed that the person laying next to you is the most precious thing you’ve ever seen, and you can’t believe that they want to be with you. How do we handle these complex feelings? How do we get through the low points?

This is something that goes through every couples mind at some point. Do we stick it out, and hope it gets better? Do we live pretending everything is okay, while deep down we’re miserable? I’ve seen it with friends who stuck together for the children’s sake, and seen them observe the destruction of the parent’s relationship play out in front of those young eyes.

Sometimes, people just grow apart. It’s not like it was ever planned on, it’s not like one party was hoping for that day to come, but it happens. Sometimes circumstances mold people into unexpected versions of themselves. It doesn’t mean that they don’t care anymore. It doesn’t mean that the love isn’t there. Just sometimes, paths start to take unexpected turns. How does that get handled? Does the couple stay together and pray that their paths will cross again? Does this make either party the “bad guy”?

For those questions, I honestly don’t have a proper answer. I think if anybody encounters this situation, the best thing to do is talk to your partner. There’s going to be tears. There’s going to be intense emotions, and I’m sure words will follow.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Improving The Skill Set

As with anything else in life, I’m finding ways to improve my skill set. In particular, in the graphic design/editing side of the business of content creation. Yes, I know that I usually talk about the weight loss journey or mental health, but sometimes it feels good to talk about those other highlights in life.

Learning skills is a great way for personal growth. If you learn a new language, it just adds on to a skill set that employers find appealing. You never stop learning and that’s the important part. I think that once you feel like you have nothing left to learn, then you’re not looking hard enough to discover that you are, or that you can. It took a hard lesson for me to learn during the dark period in my life.

I felt stagnant, and trapped by the way things were going. I felt that life wasn’t going anywhere, and I needed to find a way out. It took that really hard push to realize that, but I’m grateful for the experience that got me there.

Now, I love learning, and I find that even reviewing things that I had already learned brings something new. I was going over a video on how to write a screen play for beginners, and I found things that I hadn’t thought about before, so I went right into working on Life Happens and I applied the newly discovered things that I either didn’t know or had forgotten about.

I can spend hours on Youtube watching videos on the various parts of film production, or how to use the different programs in the Adobe Creative Cloud. I also find myself watching videos on how to have success with my brand. It’s really helped me to be better at what I’m trying to accomplish.

I also follow several health and wellness people and companies on Twitter. This is interesting because I tend to see video’s of how people do their exercises, and it helps me to improve my form on things that I’ve already been doing, and teaches me new movements that I’ve not learned. This in turn, tends to help me better myself when doing a personal training session. I’ve also friended several professional trainers on Twitter and Facebook. They’ve been encouraging and helpful when it comes to my weight loss journey.

A funny thing about learning these new skills, is that like my weight loss journey, I’ve met some people that I would never dream of meeting. They are fascinating and insightful, and I feel that my life is better from that experience that I gained from the conversation, or lesson that I learned. This has also lead to the observation that people are fascinating by the multi-dimensional interests that they have.

My personal trainer Sam for example, has been training people for over twenty-years. He’s into the various aspects of health and nutrition. He trains in various forms of grappling, and is an avid player of Dungeons and Dragons. He teaches me philosophy as well, and I feel that our time together ends up making me a more rounded person.

I like that about people, if you find the right one’s they’ll be willing to help teach you new skills. Yes, they can cost something, but it’s worth it in the end. The cost though can be any number of things like, money, or sometimes friendship. So the value is up to the individual that someone is willing to pay for.

I just wanted to give a little update that is not part of the regular norm. What do have you learned by reading my blogs? Does it give you value? Does it motivate you to try and be a better version of yourself? Hell, do I entertain you with my experiences, and occasional quips? Let me know, reach out, I’m here for you.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap, but before I go, I want to present you with what I worked on. I hope you enjoy the six seconds, and sound really does bring things to life.

Nineteen-Years of Love

Today, September twenty-ninth, 2019 is the nineteenth anniversary of mine and Sarah’s first date. That day we got together and haven’t been apart since then. Usually I would talk about how good it’s been, and how I wouldn’t ever see my life without her. Yet, I think that this should be more about the acceptance that’s had to come over the relationship.

While I do love my wife, there are things that we’ve both had to come to accept about each other, for her it’s about how unorganized I am. For me, it’s how stubborn she can be about doing everything. She’s very OCD’d with house work, and it has to be her way. As these were our problems in the beginning of our relationship, we took several years to figure out that we both sucked at communications. Now, it’s not as bad.

So, we’ve grown as people and as a couple, and I think the biggest challenges have been met head first on many occasions, but the last few years have taken us in a different direction. One was the fact that she had to handle me going through the weight loss surgery and adjusting accordingly with the dietary requirements. It’s always been nice when we could do things as a couple because that’s been something that’s kept us as close as we have been.

Yet, with all these changes and personal growths, this last year has probably been the most challenging. Sarah was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease. While the news hit us almost a year ago, it’s taken time to get things figured out. Things that we are still in the process of figuring out and manage. Now we’re waiting for another appointment to happen in November so that we can figure out how to proceed to a specialist for her joints.

That’s one of the bad things about Crohn’s Disease: the fact that it attacks the joints and I have to see her suffer from that. I watch her get frustrated at the fact that her hands don’t always work the way they used to. Then there’s the fact that she’s sits a certain way for the whole time I’ve known her, and I see that it brings on a pain that makes it difficult to move. I hate the fact that I can’t really do much to help her through these times.

This is were I find myself dealing with the fact that I have to be the strong one in the relationship. That I have to be the one that steps up and be the strong one. I know she hates it, but it’s just a fact in life. I don’t always feel that I can be as strong for her as she has been for me, but I do try my best. I guess that self-doubt is the enemy in this situation, as I feel helpless watching her cry and suffer from her Crohn’s.

It’s been a common feeling as I’m not able to make the situation any better, and the side-effects from her medicine isn’t the most pleasant experience for her. I have felt this way with watching my children suffer from depression. I try to reach out, but find that words can’t be said, more than an  I know how you feel, or an it will get better. This is where I feel that I fail as a father, and as a husband. Now I also watch Sarah deal with depression, and until we know how to manage her pain, I’m not sure it ever will get better, and I don’t know how she’s going to deal with it. Hell, I don’t know how I’m going to respond to the way she ends up dealing with it.

I know that this is piled on top of other things like her wanting to grow professionally. Since she doesn’t have a degree, and that my schooling is costing us a bit of money per month, she’s scared to take that leap, and she wants to find something that would be easier for her to do that will help elevate the pain she gets when doing her current job.

In the end, I know that we’ll find a way to manage. I know that we’ll find a way to over come what has been thrown in front of us. It’s just without all the answers, it’s a scary time. Fear of the unknown is rampant in my head right now. I can say that she feels the same way about her situation. Has Crohn’s put a limit on the time table on her life? Will I be a widower before my time? These are things I constantly think about, and I wish I had some sort of solid answer so the I could prepare myself, and the family in what’s to come.

I love my wife, I always have, even when I wasn’t the best person at loving her. I will love her for the rest of my life. With that being said, this is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Something Big Is Brewing

I’ve gotten off from a great weekend. I got in an excellent workout on Saturday, published two blogs, broke down a script, and did a podcast. It was a great weekend, full of productivity, plus it was nice to give my three brands the love and attention they deserve.

As much as I’ve been struggling lately with the stars in life, it’s always good when I can get a weekend of positivity in. Mentally, being creative helps save me from myself. I can pour the energy and focus into it. It’s almost like an emotional rest for me. It gets complex, because of what emotions can develope from my writing.

I find that as a writer, I’m quite different than as person. In the real world, I’m generally positive, funny, and laid back. There isn’t much that upsets me, accept the enternal struggle with my mind.

As a writer, the subject tone is usually serious, and deep. I think that deep down, this is a way that I might be working through some of my emotional things. They say that a writer pours a bit of themselves into the characters. So, that either leads me to believe that the tragedy and traumas that I’ve suffered, might have helped lead me understanding a bit about other events that I might not have suffered myself.

At the same time, I know that anything I write, I would like guidance to give it authenticity. As I wrote the project Unexpected Side Trip, I wanted to represent the LGBTQA community as much as possible for the lead characters. As I work on the project I’ll be doing after, I want to do it justice as it deals with how people deal with grief from the loss of their child to juvenile leukemia. While I haven’t lost a child myself, I’ve had friends and family that have, and I want to represent it in the best possible light that I can. This is important to me, because this story has been in development for the last four years, and I’m just now able to get back to writing it.

We are working on some ideas to present with the Geekultural Experience, as right now the podcasting is some off the easier things to do. At the same time, it’s been a bit slow to gain momentum. https://anchor.fm/geekultural-exp/episodes/Cosplay-and-Halloween-e5d4v5 here’s the episode in case you’re interested in seeing what it’s all about. We’re thinking about hitting another convention for one day as we’re still really just trying to find our niche in this world.

Now, the big one that most people come to read about on these blogs, the CK Project. We’ve been working on merchandise, and I’ve had a few of the shirts made, and I think that they’re good quality. We just got some pull-over hoodies designed and in various colors. The response is great, and I’ve got a few people who’ve said that they were going to buy something. As this is going for motivation for weight loss and for mental health awareness, we’re looking to turn this into a non-profit organization. I think that I’m both excited and torn by this idea, but if it helps get the message out, then I’m all for the affect of progressing to something a bit different.

As for my progress, I’m currently at a stand still on my weight. I did however up the weight that I’m lifting. twenty-pounds added to my deadlift, and I felt like I was going to die. I’ve progressed on my kettle-bell, and the dumbbells that I’ve been using to do military presses.

I find that my circuit training had started getting to a point where I wasn’t getting the sweat like I had. I do also realize that going heavier comes with the complications of being able to injure myself easier, that’s why form is important. With that, I’m trying to take a bit more time with my reps so that I can be sure that I don’t hurt myself. Yet, I think this was also something I needed to help me get past this five-pound curse.

I will be checking-in with my doctor’s office tomorrow so that I could get back into my check-ins and to start the discussion of getting the skin-removal-surgery. I’ve been feeling uncomfortable in my skin lately. As I’ve been going along, I’ve started to feel that the surgery’s the answer that I need. Itchy, uncomfortable skin is a thing, so I’m going to deal with it until I don’t have to anymore.

I know that I put off my last appointment because of the fact that we had some earthquakes during that time. Now, I feel that I hadn’t because there’s something inside of me that’s afraid of getting the surgery. I’ve heard that it’s painful, and to be honest, I’m a bit anxious about having another surgery. That would include having to take off another six-weeks from work.

I guess that it’s the unknown that keeps me hesitant. I also know that I talk about self-improvement, so I should just take the plunge. This would be career wise as well. At least this is something that I’ve been actively taking into my hands over the last few years. It’s been slow, but with the weight loss, I’ve learned that I can and do deserve to be able to grow professionally.

I’m the director and that’s a wrap.

Hard Work For Better Gains

As with anything else in life, you get what you put in. Eating right can some times be hard, especially since there are so many temptations being marketed out there. I find that it can be hard also because most “healthy options” are costly. Yet, this is an essential part of the weight loss journey.

Exercise is the second part that is essential for the weight loss journey, and is just as important as eating right. The harder the workout, the better the progress for shape and strength. This is something I struggle with because I find it hard to push through at times. I want that brief second of rest so that I can power through the rest of my sets. It’s usually right as I’m getting to my fourth round of my circuit training. Every time I do push, I feel like I want to die after my workout, which is a good sign.

Then it comes the really hard push, that will give me the momentous gains. That’s my brands. Working on one brand is a full-time job as it is, but I’m taking it even farther by having three brands that I work on. This is where I feel most of my success comes from, it gives me the focus that I need to carry out all my plans.

I have filled my life with all these positive things that keep me going in the right direction. I’ve had times where I was lost and I wasn’t sure where I needed to go, or where I wanted to go. With depression, there is many times that I would doubt myself. I would feel unworthy, I would feel like a failure. I felt that the world would be a better place without me.

With this mental level, I felt that my family would carry-on and eventually find better life if I no longer existed. At this time, I also felt that I was the worst person ever and undeserved of love. This is what depression feels like. Yet, if you would ask if I was okay, then I would say yes, because I didn’t want to burden anybody. I felt that I needed to deal with it on my own.

This is why I evolved the CK Project. It started out as a weight loss thing, to hold myself accountable, but after my period in the darkness, I had to make it something more. After watching people be affected by seven suicides, I knew that I needed to do something else. I felt guilty for having those feelings, I felt even more guilty that I wasn’t able to reach out to these people and try to let them know that they weren’t alone in this struggle.

I took my experience, and decided to use my story as an example that there are other ways then suicide, there are better options. At this time, I didn’t consider myself a survivor. All I wanted to do was help someone else. This was at a time that I still didn’t see the “value” in my own life.

Once I found purpose with going to school, things started to change. I found my direction, and the accomplishments that I was doing started to add value to myself. Investing in myself, was the right choice, and once I got to be a director, I found the thing that was going to keep me going.

By this time, I was getting used to putting in the hard work, but I needed to gain more. See what I did there? So, I was in the last leg of my schooling, and I started to realize that I wanted to change more because I didn’t like the way I was physically feeling. I felt that I wasn’t in the body I was supposed to have, and I was ready to change that too.

So, I started to look into having the gastric sleeve surgery. I had heard that it was the safest option, and I’ve known people who had it done, with no regrets. At that time, I decided that I hadn’t heard anything about the negative side, and one of my best friend’s had also considered the surgery, so I decided that I would blog about it, both the good, and bad. I wasn’t going to hold anything back.

So, using my CK Project platform, I decided that my experience could be used as a tool for others to learn from. I realized that it went full circle from weight loss to mental health, back to weight loss, but I didn’t fully realize the connection between the two.

This is why I keep so busy, because everything I do, outside of work is just another way in attempt to have an outlet. It was a struggle when I felt that I didn’t have that release from the stressful situations, and it just brought me down. I find things that could serve more than one purpose for me.

This blog is the perfect example, as it started out as something for a class, I did a bit of research after and discovered that this was a good place to start out as a blogging site. I decided that this would be a better platform than Facebook to talk about my issues, and it would make it easier to distribute on other social medias. So, where does this serve more than one purpose? Well, I figured that blogging would help me sort out my thoughts, and it has in so many ways. It also helped me as a writer, that was the other thing that I wanted, to be a better writer.

So, I’ve gained a therapeutic way to sort my feelings and experiences while using my struggles and examples to help others, and it has helped me with the written word, and to think as a writer. I’ve gone from writing an average of 412 words per blog, up to over 830 words a blog. My scripts have gotten better and longer as well.

So, my suggestion for everyone is to put in the hard work. The reason is because you’ll benefit and grow in way that would be unexpected. How do you find the motivation? Do the things you love, damn what others might say, unless you’re a serial killer or something, that’s not a good thing. Too many people seem to lose passion from their lives, and passion is a strong guide and motivator. Self-improvement is the best investment any person can have, because it isn’t something that can be taken away.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

Why We Should Uplift Each Other

There’s been a lot of unfortunate circumstances that have been surrounding my life and the lives of people I know. These are things that are common in the lifecycle, i.e. death, growing older; and yet it doesn’t make life any easier. With that, I find that it’s difficult to maintain a stasis of positivity.

I know that this is just a phase, and that I’m going to overcome this situation. As a matter of fact, putting in a bit more effort in a few places has already made me feel a bit better as it were. It’s just frustrating when I don’t always feel like I’m getting a handle on my own situation. That’s totally on me, and when I’m getting offed the help, I’m reluctant to take it, because I’m used to doing on my own.

Things in life happen that can go unexpectedly, and that’s why we should be mindful on how we treat each other. Even with me going through this personal strife, I always try to remain kind. In a work environment like mine, it’s not always easy. When you have to constantly deal with people who come off self-entitled, and are rude if you inconvenience them, it get difficult. I have the general rule that I’ll treat everyone professionally and kind, but if I get treated poorly, I will change the way I interact with people.

Forgive me, I seem to be getting off track.

However people are, sometimes the kind word could change their day. Sometimes, the kindness shown can change the entire direction of someone’s path. I know for a fact that letting someone know that they have someone who care can save a life. There are days that I think about how some people have left this world, and the tragedy that comes from the after effects of it.

I had a few friends over the last month lose their lives in car accidents. One wasn’t wearing a seatbelt while being struck by another vehicle at a red light, and the other apparently lost control of her vehicle. Both were shocking, and the ripple affects have been profound on myself and the other’s around me. It hit’s home when they are closer to my age, and I think it’s always an eye opener on how we need to tell those we love, how we feel.

Why is it people feel entitled to bringing others down? Why is it that people have to feel the bitterness of jealousy with others success and have joy in other’s pain?

I’ve been there on several occasions, I can admit that I’ve not always been great at being a good person. That’s where having a hard look at myself paid off. This was at a time that I couldn’t process dealing with my own emotional baggage. I think that’s the way it could be for a majority of people.

We live in a society that shuns getting professional help to deal with the mental stresses of life. We live in a society where males are expected to be macho, and show alpha traits in public. That showing a soft side is considered weak, and makes them easy prey. “Only the strong survive.”

I think society is slowly getting better at changing this way of thinking. I’m fortunate that I wasn’t ever condemned as a kid for being emotional, and I would cry at emotional moments in life. However, my mental state changed after I got into my accident in 1992. I think that we all just need to be more emotionally supportive of each other, then maybe we wouldn’t have so many shootings, and violence would be down a bit.

I really don’t want to go into politics on here, because my social media is filled to the brim of people on both sides of the isle. I just want to say a word of caution: while people want to bash either side, that they don’t share view points with; the reason that things aren’t working in the best way is because there isn’t any bipartisanship. We need that balance to be successful. Just because someone doesn’t agree with you on something doesn’t mean that they don’t have a valid point, just keep in mind that we all come with different view points.

Now that I’m off of my soap box, my point is sometimes someone is going through some hard times, and it helps when they get uplifted, it could mean a world of difference.  This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

 

Turning Up The Motivation

I have so much going on in life. I have many things that could knock me down and keep me from moving forward, yet I choose to keep my head up. I’ve got so much else going on in my head that keeps me going forward. Recent events have reminded me that it’s all in how you respond to the situation at hand.

One of the things that has come up with the change of shifts is that now I’ve been reminded of what the heat is like. I choose to continue to get my steps in, and I’ve had to pay attention to how my body feel so that I don’t over exert myself. I had to take some time and cool off so that I wouldn’t get sick while working. It’s something that I have to be more mindful of as other’s including myself have suffered from heat stress at work.

The scale hasn’t been my friend lately as I’ve not been consistent on when I weight myself and what I’m wearing. My numbers have been jumping around from about two-sixty to about two-six-eight. Those numbers feel a bit deceiving as I’ve weighed on different scales. It’s strange because my clothes still feel like they’re getting bigger on me.

I’ve been having a strange feeling of being uncomfortable in my skin lately. It makes it feel itchy, and sticky. I know that I wear protective wear at work, but it really doesn’t help me being conscious of how much extra skin I have. This has been a new sensation for me, and I feel at odds with it. I find myself battling with wanting to rip my skin off, and wanting to continue to push myself past this to lose more weight.

Something that we ended up doing last weekend was visiting Disneyland. It was something that we had been planning for awhile and we took Sarah’s cousin with us. It was good to watch someone experience their first time, and watching the reactions of my kids are always the best. I laughed at the shouts of joy and fear. I smiled watching everyone get excited for the drops and turns. Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge was the whole reason we decided to go, so we could check it out finally.

The exciting part of the trip was that I got to stand under the Millennium Falcon, my twelve-year-old-self got to experience something that I never thought that I’d be able to do. The land was exciting,  yet crowded. Seeing the droids, and the different collectables were very nice. We even had breakfast there. This experience really made me realize a few things about The CK Project.

The CK Project is more than about mental health awareness, and my weight loss journey. It’s about living life to the fullest, while bettering one’s own personal self. I think next summer we’ll start going on more adventures. One of the things I want to do is white water rafting. I also want to go cliff diving, and more challenging hikes. Experiences are better than any thing that can be bought in a store. Shared experiences and adventures are what I love to do with my family and friends. I feel that it brings us together and strengthens the bonds we share.

Now more than ever, I think it’s important to remind those we love that we do love them. Hold them, embrace them, remind them that they are important. Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve lost people that I’ve known for years, and it reminds me  of the important things in life. That is one of the unfortunate things about getting older; the fact of mortality reminds us more often than not, that life is often too short, and there are times that we take for granted the things we have.

I guess that’s where my motivation has been lately: thinking about the important things. Keeping the outlet going for me to find a level-headedness. Life tends to throw things at us, and it can build up to an unmanageable pile, if we let it get there. I’m doing my best, and that’s all anyone can expect of anyone else.

Well, for a bit of cross promotion, I’m getting ready to do the final parts of the pre-production process to film my next short. Now’s the time to break it down into smaller, more manageable parts. The next process is breaking down the script into a list of characters, props, and scene pieces that are needed.

On top of that, The CK Project is getting ready to march in it’s second parade, and I’m finding things that I will need for a later time to represent the brand better. I feel like a banner will be something that I need to obtain for future things that I’ll be involved with, i.e. videos, marches. What a time to feel like things are really starting to pick up.

This is the director and that’s a wrap.