Putting Tabasco on the Basco

I want to give a huge thank you and shout out to Sam Basco. We’ve known each other for twenty-years, and for most of that time we kept talking about doing some working out together. I would find excuse after excuse on why I wasn’t ready to work out with him, and that was how things went for many years.

Sam’s a good guy, he has a love of comics, martial arts, and health. Among other things Sam has written articles on the subject of physical fitness. As I’ve discovered, Sam is really a jack-of-many-trades when it comes to personal training. Not only is he a coach and a personal trainer, he’s also a dietician, a physical therapist, and teaches me life lessons.

Sam’s been the right element to help push my physical transformation. He keeps me honest, and knows when to push me to go harder. He’s also been helping me find my inner warrior, which is something that I never sought out before. I appreciate it because there have been times in my life that I needed more than I was getting, and I wouldn’t stand up for myself. I would just take, and take, until I exploded.

I was out of control and I had no direction. Now things have become different, I’m different, more motivated. It sometimes seems like it’s been easy, but these improvements have taken years to come, and my willingness to change. Sad part is, death was the eye opener. I felt like I was on my way there, and there was a point that I didn’t care.

It sounds kind of selfish now that I think of it. I mean, I have a loving wife, great kids, so why wouldn’t I care about living? Being a depressant doesn’t work like that, all the thoughts are, of wanting the feeling to end. I remember doing things while being depressed that would defer me from having to deal with those feelings. Sarah didn’t understand. The children just say that dad was closing himself off from everyone else. I just wanted the feelings to go away.

Again, it’s a shame that it takes something major to wake yourself up from whatever is going on. I think that the sign that God sends. You need to deal with your issue and buy putting something in front of you, or in this case myself. I had to decide how I was going to handle it. Did I want to continue down the same self-destructive path that I had been on for a few years? Did I want to find that light at the end of the tunnel?

Finding that light was deciding that I wanted to improve my quality of life. I had enough of quantity, and I needed substance to fulfill myself. When I say quantity, I mean I was living off of the pleasure of satisfying my insecurities with food. All the food, all the time. Depression, feed the comfort food to it. Boredom, keep the entertainment by feeding the mouth and keeping the taste buds distracted. Yet, there was always something missing. I wasn’t ready to be goal oriented. I was just skating by with a job, and home life, there wasn’t anything else, and I knew that I wasn’t satisfied, but I didn’t want to listen to myself until the possible loss of employment changed my life.

I wish that we as a a society didn’t have to wait or deny that our persons need a change from self-destruction. I wish that I was “woke” to the situation that I needed to change something. Unfortunately, that takes a courage that all too many times  we lack. Is this because of our vanity? Or is it that change is something that most people seem to fear?

Too often we are taught in society that different isn’t good. While it seems that some of society standards have changed there are those who can’t seem to grasp change. Racism was the social norm until the civil rights movement changed that. Yet, you still hear that hatred being perpetrated, just on a quieter scale. Classism on which people of varying economic levels, view those of a lower class to be beneath them.

Is this why people are ingrained to ignore changes needed in their behavior? Is it truly that rare case in where someone decides to break the social standards, and rise above their giving station in life? I lived a very self-serving life when I was younger, and while I was always a “nice guy”, I had my own motivations for doing things. In a way I still do, just now I choose to help others, because in my motivations, it brings me happiness to see someone better themselves. I wish there were more people like that.

I would hope that anyone reading this would take a look at themselves, and see what changes they might need in their lives. If for any reason is to reflect on the types of decisions that they might make, or constantly make. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Push Forth Good Sir

Sunday, the day of rest. Well that’s the way it’s supposed to go, but this weekend it was the day that I pushed myself harder. My trainer Sam asked me if I’ve ever thrown up from working out. The answer was no, however today I pushed myself into a nauseous state. After I was done working out, I had to take a few minutes to myself in the car to gain some type of composure.

So goes my Sunday, I call it the iron church. I find myself going to the gym on Sunday’s more than any other day of the weekend. Our bodies are our temple. I feel that building a better me, means that I have to build a better temple, and what better way to sacrifice by blood, sweat, and hard work. I’ve been working out for almost a year. I’ve been doing the 10,000 steps for over a year now. I’ve gotten better about getting those in. I do have a days that I don’t feel like getting them in, and some days life gets in the way, however most days are filled with 10k plus. My current record stands at twelve days straight of getting in my steps. Since my fortieth birthday, I’ve been attempting to get in forty-days straight for my steps. This is a challenge I know I’ll eventually accomplish.

So I go to the gym today and do some treadmill. It wasn’t really about speed or distance, but I found out that I can do a seven-point-one, and I can keep it up for an amount of time. The biggest problem that I’ve been finding doing treadmill work is that I move, and no matter how tight I’ve tied my sweat pants, they seem to start to fall down.  After that I worked on arms, shoulders, and back a bit. I used heavier weight then I’m used to, and I push through the pain a bit. So, I’ll say that it was for the win today.

I was also rewarded with a non-scale victory today. After I came home and took a shower, I noticed the pants I was wearing were a bit big on me. The size of my pants were a 42×30, and that was the size I was in in 1997. So, without me checking my weight, it’s nice to feel that inches are still coming off. I’ll have to get that weight check in next weekend.

Besides pushing myself harder in my workouts. My circuit workouts, do also push me, by the way. I think people should do that in other parts of their lives. Wither it’s work, or  new experiences, it’s the perfect way to grow as a person. The sad part is that there are  too many people comfortable in what they are already doing.  I feel that people should strive to better themselves. You can always improve on something in your life. Health, wealth, learning. There’s always room for improvement. I’ve had many friends confess that they were scared of change. I’ll admit, that there’s a bit of hypocrisy as I write this. I want to change my station in life, but I haven’t just thrown “caution to the wind”. Though I am trying to get to the point were I will be doing what I want to do, instead of keeping it as a side thing at the moment.

If you’re feeling stuck in life, or bored of the way things seem to be going. I suggest pushing yourself into doing something new. Get out of the comfort zone. You’ll never know what you’re capable of until you do it. Sure, not all of it will be enjoyable, but there are going to be some amazing things that you’ll discover.  I feel that everything in life is about self discovery. That’s how I’m living my life these days. Every day brings something new for me to try.

I hope that you continue to follow my journey in life, as one of those things I’m planning on trying next is writing a motivational speech and see if I can get people to actually come and listen to what I have to say. I think blogging has been a great avenue that’s helped me become a better writer, and helped me sort of some of the issues that I deal with. Remember to catch me on my various other social medias as well. If you want to know, just send me a message and I’ll get back to you on it.  As always, this is the Director, and that’s a wrap.

 

Hey Jealousy, Stop That Negativity

Going through the life changing events in my life has revealed so much about some of the people that I have to deal with throughout my days. While most are decent and very supportive, there are those individuals that bring nothing but hate and discontent wherever they might be. While this is nothing new to me, I do feel that addressing the toxicity of possible jealously brings out of people towards myself, and others.

Some people are never happy, and they bring that negative energy with them wherever they might go. Fortunately, the individual’s that I could be referring to, have come across as cowardly because they’ve not said such things to my face. To be honest, it saddens me, yet maybe it’s for the best that they keep the words said away from me. I know them words to not be true, and I wish those people the best.

I have to wish them the best because I’ve always been able to read people and I see that they don’t feel happiness in their lives. Some of them decide to blame the worst of their situations on others, and not accept that their actions have brought misery on themselves. How hard is it accept that the misery that has been caused was a person’s own doing?

This, ladies and gentlemen is a toxic person. They usually come off self-entitled, and ungrateful. They never want to congratulate anyone for their achievements, and if they do, you can tell it isn’t heartfelt. They expect the world is owed to them and never want to be thankful for what they have.

The things that I do, are for mine and my family. I will say that I’ve been blessed with a fantastic amount of support, and it helps keep me motivated in those times I don’t feel like keeping it up. I’m actually surprised by the amount of positive that has come into my life with the whole journey that my life has been going on for the last several years. Yet, there are those neigh sayers out there still.

As my mom has been in the hospital, there was an amazing amount of support from both friends, and family. As a matter of fact, people who aren’t directly associated with me, have seemed to ask in support of this tough time. If I was a more emotional person, I think I would cry about the beautiful support from my fellow travelers on this earth. It’s truly awesome the concern shown, from co-workers as well.

The wonderful new on that is that my mom was brought home last night. It was a great way to end my fortieth birthday. I got to have my mom come home. I went and spent time with her today, and I know that this is going to be a long road to follow, but I think she will over come, because she’s a fighter, and I know this because she raised this pain in the ass.

Going back to the original point of this post, get rid of the negative, and you’ll be much happier. I know that it isn’t always easy, because sometimes it’s a family member. There’s been a few family members that we’ve had to cut out of our lives. Yet we get blamed for our decisions because of it.

Life is too short to hold on to the bad, and toxic people love to drag people down. They drain people of their time, energy, and sometime finances. I’ve actually had to cut out some longtime friends because they were just too toxic. I’ve also been too forgiving and had let them back into my life a few times, and each of those times ended with the same result. There are some that I’ve remained friends with, but only from a distance because I know what they are, and I’m always ever hopeful that they will finally learn their lessons, and grow to be the better person that I know they can be.

There have been times where some of them had come up to me, and told me that I was right, and they wish that they would have learned sooner. There’s a part of me that sometimes wishes that I would say that I told them so. After all,  I’m not perfect, and I know that I shouldn’t let that bit of pride escape my lips. At least those who have, generally have turned their lives around, but too much has gone on to let them back in with open arms.

Forgiving someone can be hard. It took me many years to forgive my ex-wife for the things that happened. By forgiving her, I in turn ended up forgiving myself, because I had my own faults during our time. We were both young, and didn’t know what the hell we were doing. I had to forgive her as a part of my own personal growth.

That’s the key there, anything you do should help you with your own personal growth. Try and see your own flaws, and get rid of them. If you can’t see them, someone will, and if they care enough they’ll point them out, and help you over come them. My weight loss journey is just another part of my own personal growth. My schooling was another part of my growth. Sometimes the shitty parts take you back, and you don’t think you can go any farther, but that’s just not the case. If you find a way pass the bad times, your growth can go so much farther than you would ever expect, and that’s a beautiful thing.

Keep it positive, and continue to grow. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

First Blog 2019.

I originally had started a blog about the new year, and how we shouldn’t look at it as a time for a fresh start. The truth is life is about ten percent of what happens to you. The other ninety is how you choose to react to it.

With that being said, I’ve found myself in a very emotional place over the weekend. My mother had a fall off of a ladder while taking down Christmas lights, and fractured her skull. She has multiply contusions and bruised her brain. I found myself looking at her in the bed, and I felt uncomfortable, and I was scared for my mother.

If it would have been my father, I could have handled it. We’ve been in that situation before. He had a heart attack in 1996, so mentally I would have been prepared for that. I was there when my dad was having neck surgery, and so I was even more prepared for that. This I couldn’t have ever imagine.

With everything that I went through with my wife, I think I could have been prepared for her in this situation. We’ve gone through her having a concussion and ending up in the emergency room. Through two pregnancies, and the various health scares, I would have been prepared for her, but not my mom.

Since this incident happened on Friday, January fourth, it’s all been a waiting game. I did get news last night, the eighth, that she did sit up, and that she spoke a little, which was good news. This is still going to be a long process, but any good news, brings me hope that this won’t be as bad as it could have been.

The outpour of love and support has been amazing. I truly feel touched by the texts and messages that I’ve received over the weekend, and continue to get on a daily basis. People, ask about how my mom is, and they ask me on how I’m doing. It makes me think on how valid my relationships are.

Though it’s been a rough start to the year, I’m not going to let this incident define my year, and I will just use it as a brief obstacle in my journey. I did miss a few days in my ten thousand step life. Yet, I’m going to be getting back on track for my forty-day step challenge, I’m just going to have to start over again, but I can do this. I’ve done a twelve days as my highest so far.

On the good news, I did my thirteenth month check-up on Saturday and I’m now down 148.1 pounds. It feels good to be 281.8, with a 40.4 BMI. It’s amazing how far I’ve come since I started this process almost a year-and-a-half ago. I’ve got about eighty-five pounds to go before I hit the ultimate goal, but I figure that my next goal is 265. I’m getting there, it may not be as fast as I was, but I’ll keep it going.

I’m not going to let the bad things define the rest of my life, negativity brings too many people down. I know that mentally, I’m a self-sabotage type of person. I’m also having doubt creep up in my mind when I do the various things in my life. I find myself leaning not to be that way, and I’m constantly  learning not to put myself down.

My personal training sessions have taken a different turn as we’ve started circuit training. This is defiantly a different process as now I’m having to learn to push through with a different kind of workout. I felt like I died a few times during my workouts, but it’s good, and yet it sucks at the same time. I will learn to make this type of workout my bitch though.

I’m hoping that this rough patch passes quickly, but I can’t let it keep me down as life goes on. Well, this is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Ending A Year: 2018

This year ends on positive, and negative notes. This year has been a great year for me. I’ve gone through so many changes both physically and mentally. I’m down 146 pounds, and I’ve had so much positivity that’s come out my way. The support is over whelming, and I’m finishing the year feeling blessed and thankful for the support.

Contradiction is a part of life. You can be happy and mad, nervous and excited. This is part of the complexity of human emotion. I’ve had been supportive to as many people as I could and with that, I’ve also had friends who have gone through loss, or the struggling with family members with poor health, my wife has been included with that.

To those whom are going through these tough times. My heart, love, and positive thoughts are being sent your way. I know that if there was anything more that I could do to help that I would. I’m aware that the support is sometimes enough, but watching the conflict, and the battling of keeping yourself together isn’t always the easy thing in life. Know that as you struggle, I’ve been paying attention, and I’m here to lend a hand in help.

To my wife, I love you, and it’s hard to see you struggle through the pains that have been plaguing you for the last several months. I’m doing my best to try and show you the support to get you through your aches and pains. It’s not always easy as I sometimes get the frustrations taken out towards me. I know that you don’t mean it, and I wish that I could be able to take your pain away. I hope that this part of our journey in life is just a short chapter in our long lives together.

I keep going and staying positive, because that helps me. I know that it’s not always easy in these trying times. It’s a partnership, and sometimes the balance shifts to one side more than the other. Thee was a long time that Sarah had to be the strong one and help get me through the hard times. Now that things are in reverse, all I can do is be the strong one. Sometimes it seems like the impossible, but it’s necessary to be done. “Through sickness and in health”, becomes clearer in those times. The easy thing to do is quit and run away, and there are times where it looks like the better way to go. Yet, I look at everything I put the beautiful woman in my life through, and she’s been to hell and back because of me.

As I look at what she’s going through, I start to see why there are so many people who looses the functions of their body parts, and why they become angry and bitter. Be there, that’s all any of us can do. Show the love and support, sometimes just knowing that there’s a caring person is enough to help get people through the rough times.

The time that we have on this earth is far too short in the end. We need to try and uplift each other, and take care of our fellow life forces. Sometimes things suck, and the best thing to do is make things seem a bit less sucky because we never know when it’ll be the end for us.

To those of you who are struggling, some of you I’m aware of because we’ve talked, other’s I might not know, because there could be shame there. No judgements from me, but if you tell me, I’ll do my best to know that you’ve got someone routing for you. Those who’ve lost loved ones. I’ve known those loved ones and my heart goes out to you because of it. With that, this is the director and that’s a wrap.

Living With A Higher Code

There are times when a celebrity makes an impact on thousands, even millions of people world wide. Elvis, Lennon, Cobain; these are some of the artists who contributed to the meaning to so many lives in this world. With out these artists, the world seemed to grow a bit darker.

This week my childhood died. Rest in peace to the man who had the most impact on my life, Stan Lee. I can’t remember a time that his creations weren’t apart of my life.

When I was small, I would watch Spider-man and His Amazing Friends, or one of the other cartoons based off of his co-creations. I remember reading an article about how today’s super heroes are our modern day mythology, I wish I remember where I read it. It was good. It compared our heroes to the God’s of old, and the entertainment of their stories.

As the father and co-creator of so much that is popular in today’s society, Stan’s stories leave a legacy that defines a generation. For me it starts with what some would call his greatest creation: Spider-man. This character reached so many people because he was the different hero. The alias of Spider-man, Peter Parker was an average kid with everyday problems. He wasn’t considered the good looking, popular person that was the arch-type celebrated at the time. He wasn’t a jock and was considered a geek, when geek wasn’t a celebrated choice. He was described in Amazing Fantasy number fifteen, as a “wall flower”. He was bullied, and didn’t get the girl of his dreams.

That’s probably why he ended up being so popular because he spoke to the realities of most people. When his Uncle Ben was murdered, the quote, “With great power comes great responsibility,” has been something that has spoken to my heart and has stayed with me. Spider-man was who I could relate too, much like Black Panther was a character that the African-American community could relate too. Stan’s stories were made for us.

Note that I did start this blog on Monday as I read of Stan Lee’s death.

I felt a loss that was like I lost a grand parent, I lost a teacher. This was like I lost a mentor, who taught me everything I ever needed to know in life. Grandpa Stan, telling me the stories to entertain and educate. I was fortunate to meet him in 2011 at the San Diego Comic Con, it was a moment that meant so much, because I looked up to his works my whole life. I thanked him for doing the work that impacted my life. I doubt that my personal story with his work, is unique. I mean he had a huge stage, and millions of fans. Some famous people are among the fandom, and I’m glad that I get to see people share the stories of how Stan impacted their lives.

I should say that my love of comic books helped me get into the highest reading level classes in school. My imagination is very open to the strange possibilities of what the impossible can do, and I don’t think many things would surprise me if that happened. (Alien invasion, anyone?) This is what carried on with my high work ethic, and part of the reason I like to help people.

My helping and motivating comes from the lessons learned in the stories that I would read, and I still continue to read to this day. Selfishly, that’s the way I feel when I help someone. It gives me a real glimmer into that world that I so love. I was able to save a friend from taking their life, and it was the greatest feeling, I had that impact, much like the hero’s on the page.

Stan got me to actually like reading and being a fan of comics got me into seeing all the comic movies that would come out. That in turn lead me to seeing the movie that would change the direction of my future. Sin City(2005) was that movie that changed my life. Watching how that movie looked just like a comic, caused me to want to become a director, and that’s one of the great things I get to do these days.

Stan has had an impact on my family as we bound over the love of comics and superheroes. I see that my son loves the Hulk,  and I’ve been able to sit down and read the comics to him. My oldest loves Spider-man, which I was surprised about, but I’m glad that our love for Spidey is something we’ll share over the rest of our lives.

If there could be something I would say to Stan Lee, I would say this: Thank you. Thank you for being the voice of reason, the voice of inspiration, and imagination. Thank you for giving people who felt like losers a safe place to escape too. This world is a harsh place, and your legacy will continue to inspire generations. As a fan of mythology, thank you for giving us a newer, updated mythology to follow. I hope one day to be as inspirational as you, and I thank you for making my life just a bit more enjoyable.

Eleven Months, You’ve Been Good

My check- up was yesterday, and it was nice to see another pound gone since Tuesday. I’m glad that things are no longer stagnate with my weight. It really gives me the motivation to keep pushing myself to get better.

One of the things I’ve done is get ten thousand or more steps in everyday for the last six days. I’m shooting for making this day seven, and hopefully day eight tomorrow. There are times that I don’t always get them in but then, I do need to have a break.

More and more confidence comes my way as I get closer to the goals I’ve set for myself. I’m even looking at nicer clothes to wear. Sarah says that she likes seeing this new side of me. The weight goes down and the confidence just pours in. That’s one of the perks that I’ve gotten to enjoy in the last year.

So my weight is currently at 290.3, and the last time I saw this was in the year 2000. It blows my mind that I’m in better condition than I have been most of my adult life. That’s legally an adult now, crazy. With 139.6 down, I’m feeling that getting another 10.4 pounds will be gone be the new year.

The rest of this month is going to keep me fairly busy. At least one day during the weekend, we’ve got something going on, next weekend will be our Society of Creative Anachronism’s local event Frost Dragon. I’m excited because I get to share this hobby with a friend who’s never been, and I hope that she finds a passion in it, as I’ve had, hopefully even more so. I’ve also heard that a couple of other friends who I don’t normally see except at out of town events might be showing up. That’s even more exciting because they are geeky individuals as well.

The weekend after is going to a mini-comic book convention, so that’s going to be fun. Especially since I’ve got a geek media that I’m working on getting off the ground. So much is put into getting things really going so that I can enjoy my passions, and make some money to support the family. It also helps that they show the same kind of passion.

The weekend after is Thanksgiving weekend. I’m going to enjoy a four-day weekend, as the plan for Black Friday is going to the theater to see Creed II(2018). It’s exciting that I get to sit and watch it with my son. When he said he was into boxing, I thought why not share my love of the boxing movies of the Rocky series. He really got into it, and when we were watching those movies, it was giving me the chance to watch Creed(2015).  One of the problems being a movie connoisseur is that I don’t always get the time to watch everything that I have, and it takes quite a bit of time to get through when I can.

We’re in the works for filming the documentary based on my weight loss journey soon. The biggest part is getting something that call B-roll footage, I’ve got to borrow some photos from my parents to add to the film, so it’ll both be amazing and a crazy trip through time as I gather those things together. The biggest thing I hope that this documentary helps inspire more people than this blog, and the various social medias already have. Helping other’s is what I think my purpose in life is. I enjoy it, and it inspires my children to do greater things too.

I have a second blog on Tumblr, follow me there as I get out more content and pictures on my adventures for my weight loss journey, and I also share posts about exercises and other types of content besides what goes on this blog. I’m going to get that blog to show more than just weight loss and mental health. https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ckproject.

Please keep enjoying my writings, and don’t be afraid to reach out if you have any questions, or comments. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

Break On Through Past The Plateau Side

Well, I weighed-in Tuesday. I know that I’ve been saying that I’ve been scared to see if I would end up with another weigh-in saying 293. something, but I did it, and I’m glad to report that I moved down another two pounds. I’m down to 291.3 with 138.6 total loss so far.

When the numbers go down on the scale, it’s always a good feeling, and this time it seemed bitter sweet. I realize that it’s not the fantastic numbers that I used to get, but it’s still a hell of a win in my book.

It feels like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Not only that, but Sarah finally had her appointment to see the doctor, and we now have an idea of what it is she’s going through. Crohn’s disease, while not the best news about her health, I had a feeling that was what it probably was, and now we can take the steps forward to treating it. I feel that the rough patch may finally be over.

So in the morning, I will be going in for my eleven month check-up for my weight loss surgery. I can’t believe that it’s been almost a year since I did this thing. It’s crazier to think about how much my life has changed since then. Both physically and mentally, I am in the best spot that I’ve ever been. A journey that will never be regretted.

Stepping up the intensity of my workouts, and getting more consistent steps in for my days is helping me go down in more weight. As of tonight, I’ve done five days of ten thousand steps plus, so I’m feeling really accomplished, and I’m going to try and get at least eight days in a row by the time I’m done.

Now I’m also working on some aspects of my life so that we can really get the brands up and making money. I’m not looking to make a whole lot of money right away, but it would be nice to be able to add at least a couple hundred bucks a month to help invest in other areas in my life.

With that being said, I’m looking to offer other services, as in links to products and services that I would probably support. We’re still in the investigative stages of getting our merchandise off the ground. So the adventure of finding several other avenues of income to help get the dream going is taking some focus currently.  I’m also looking into starting a Patreon for my followers. The marketing part of this business thing gets to be one of the more difficult parts to do.

Thank God that I have my creative side. That seems to be the one thing that seems to make sense in my life. The rest of it is needed to help me get the various projects funded so that I can bring out the highest quality work that I can give everybody.

I’ll update everyone on the results of tomorrow, and this is the Director, and that’s a wrap.

Keeping It Up.

It’s still amazing that I’m feeling so positive with everything going on. Another good week of workouts. Even if it’s three days instead of four.

My second session with Sam for the week got pushed back until five o’ clock on Friday. The workout was good and destroyed my legs. They got to the point where I thought they were going to give out as I was going to do bend over rows. It took me a few minutes before I could convince myself that I could do it.

I ended up being busy on Saturday, but I was still able to get over ten thousand steps in. I struggled due to my legs still being fatigued. There was a few times I thought not legs were going to give out, not to mention strong up on higher ground. I was glad that I could enjoy doing activities with the family that day.

Sunday was the day that I took my son with me to get some gym time in. We started with some cardio, and because my legs were still a bit sore, I wasn’t about that part of the exercise very long. Though we did get down and did weights. We tend to concentrate a bit more on the upper body when we go, and I’m one to focus a bit more on chest and arms when we go. I think that the hardest part about going to the gym and teaching him proper form is that he’s autistic, and has a learning disability. There’s some difficulty communicating how to do things completely the right way. It is getting better though. I just have to take a bit more time to get him to understand my instructions.

After our workout, our tradition, because autistic kids like routine, we go and get ourselves a protein drink afterwards. This is one of those things that I’m happy that we can bond over. We talk about the workout we just did, and how the protein helps to work on the muscles of the body.

It’s good that I’m getting into a routine that pushes my exercise. Being stuck on a plateau, not only has frustrated me, but I’ve been hesitant about getting back on the scale. Yes, there’s always been that fear of failing, but going in the opposite direction would scare me a bit. I will be going in and doing a weigh-in tomorrow, because I have to see where I am.

This whole ordeal comes down to the fact that this is a mental game. In the end I know that I’ve got this, yet I find myself at a difficult point to convince myself that I do know this. It’s funny to think that everyone is their own worst enemy. It’s a bit cliche, but unfortunately true. We tend to get in our own way for success. I just got to convince myself that everything will be okay.

Also, it’s crazy to see that it’s the end of October, and that I’m in the last part of the one year anniversary of my weight loss surgery. Among the many things that have gone on this past year, I still find it amazing that this decision has taken me on a journey that I wouldn’t have expected before I ever considered it. So much of it has been about self discovery. So much has just started making more sense to where I was and why I was where I was in life. It’s amazing with the realization of how linked the mind and body are. It sometimes feels as if I was reborn, and that I’m learning everything new.

Life is crazy, and there’s no real definition for normal. My life happens to deal with all sorts of random craziness, and there is where I find the strength. I think that is probably most people’s lives, with the random craziness, “the cards that life deals”. It’s how we approach those “cards” and handle it. Sometimes, people need some guidance in how to deal with those “cards”.

My “cards” just happen to deal with weight issues, depression, youth anxiety, autism, and a few other things that could end up pushing someone to the limit. I saw a professional to help me deal with the depression, and the surgery was something that helped me deal with the weight issues. It’s just sometimes I need to be reminded that I can get the rest handled in due time. I’ve learned so much from those “cards”, and I continue to learn how to play my hand.

The biggest thing to remember is that I can survive, and I have, and I will continue. Sometimes I just need to refocus and keep going in the right direction. Remember that, even you will get through it, even if it looks bleak at the moment, you can survive as well. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

The Four Day Feel Good

Last weekend was great. Everything turned out to be just the right vibe to put me in a better mood. I made my personal training sessions last week, and did both days of the weekend at the gym.

I’m glad that I’m setting things right in life. It gets hard when everything in life starts to feel like it’s trying to go against you. With the plateau, and family health, I hadn’t been feeling positive and slightly depressed.

(A continuation, because I started this post earlier in the week)

I should totally say that while I’m getting more motivated, my video game addiction gets heavy this time of hear because of all the good games coming out, like Spider-man for the PS4, WWE 2k19, Assassin’s Creed: Odyssey, and Red Dead Redemption 2. Though that’s for a totally different thing that I do.

However, I also hit my personal training days this week, I’m planing on weighing in on Sunday, because I’ve been discouraged by the scale as of the last month. I also plan on going to the gym both days this weekend, and take the boy with me. I was happy to take him last weekend and see what he could do. He does get better, I just know that it’s going to take awhile for him to get that proper form going.

I should say that my running has gotten better than I expected. I can run a five-point-six on the treadmill for two minutes. I’ve also done a six-point-zero for a minute, so that I know that I’ll get better. It helps going to the things that I’m trying to accomplish in my professional and personal life.

On a bright note about myself being happy, is that I’ve been writing one of my screen plays again, and it’s putting me in the feel good mood that I’ve been missing. It’s really amazing how much the mind and the body seem to mirror each other, and I’m constantly amazed by the self-awareness that I’ve been gaining through out this whole process.

Part of the process is that I’m starting to put more focus on my brands again because, it helps me feel better. Sometimes it seems strange, but staying busy doesn’t leave too much room for negative thoughts. Besides, I’m building something, and making it tangible. It’s amazing to see the feeling of accomplishment. I’m trying to make a positive impact on my children’s lives as we build something for the betterment of the family.

I showed the kids that you could accomplish anything you put your mind too, through dedication and hard work. I busted my ass to get through school, and I noticed that I have a passion when I talk about the whole process of filmmaking. I sometimes think that I tend to bite of too much more than I can handle since I’m taking myself in several different directions all at one time. Time to refocus and get that work flow going again.

If you like the things I saw, and want to follow more closely to the CK Project, than you can follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ckproject97/. It’s a bit of promotion, I know, but it’s another way you can follow my life, and the craziness that can happen. Plus you can PM me on there and we can start up a conversation if you, the reader, have questions.

I can never say enough of how much I’m enjoying the journey to better health, and I’m continually growing as a person. I’m gaining a warrior’s spirit, and the biggest success story of my life, is that fact that I’m still here, among the living, and I didn’t let suicidal tendencies get the best of me. I’m a survivor, and there is nothing anyone can do to take away those accomplishments.

Before I call this a wrap, I want to mention that by the end of the year, my team and I will be coming out with a few different pod casts that will cover various subjects, such as battling depression, inspirational motivation about self-care, and my other brands will be coming out with some pretty sweet stuff. So, if you like my writing, like my blog. If you love it, then please share, let’s boost the message I’ve been trying to get out. With that, this is the director and that’s a wrap.