Here We Go Again

Here goes another year, as I find my guidance to make it through this crazy thing called life. To be honest, the last couple of years have been a bit of an adjustment. Let’s review what has gone on in the last few years, that have changed my perspective in life.

I guess we should start with the fact that I was fortunate to have been on the night shift during the first several months of the pandemic. I was only supposed to be on it for six months, but it ended up being eight-long-months. The months of March and April just seemed to be a four-month-stent each. Night shift provided me with not having to deal with anyone really.

I think night shift ended up being my saving grace a few times. In 2019 we had an earthquake that registered at 7.1. I didn’t have to deal with much that the day shift had too. It was nice that the last three years in my previous job, gave me a chance to deal with something other than the craziness of the day shift.

Thinking about the last few years, I saw loss, and not with just how a few of my friends had lost loved ones. I know through the pandemic, I had known several people whom had died do to Covid complications. It started hitting closer to home when I had heard that my former pastor’s wife passed from those complications. It hit even closer to home when my sister texted me about getting ahold of my brother because my mother had Covid, and after a few year stint in a health care facility, it was going to be her last days.

This event finally motivated me to travel back east and finally meet family that I grew up not knowing. I’m glad that I was able to get there, however, I was in the air between Detroit and Harrisburg when my mom finally passed. I was met at the airport by my niece’s mom, Jessica. I had an ongoing dialogue with this woman for years, and it was finally nice to meet in person. Jessica is by far one of the most giving and kindest people that I’ve ever known, and her daughters are just the best children outside of my own.

Being in Pennsylvania connected me to something. I can’t quite explain the experience, but I felt like some of my life story had been filled in, and I also know that something about that place calls me to spend more time there, perhaps this next part of my life’s journey. I have cousins that I’d like to get to know, however, I felt that way about spending more time with family here in California, which I became very disappointed with. Though I get along better with some of the more unexpected ones for sure.

Finding myself working after the trip left me wondering where my future would be, and it was early in December when a mutual friend of mine and my ex-wife reached out to me, and informed me that my ex had passed from Covid. I really didn’t know how to feel about this. People kept telling me that they were sorry for my loss. I find that getting those wishes was a bit strange. We hadn’t been together in over twenty-years. I think that my connection to her was the fact that we had become friends again. I felt bad for her as I had watched her struggle with stage four adrenal cancer.

Then the day after Christmas, I applied for a job that would take me on a new career path. I got a job as a media specialist, working for an archive center. I would learn to be more proficient with photoshop and help organize things in a way to make items easier to find. I hadn’t had an office type job since I had been a Realtor in 2007.

This was a blessing to get out of a high stress job, however, I also found myself struggling with not being in a job that was so demanding. Going from a four-day-ten-hour-shift job, to something that actually had a lunch, and a relaxed environment took some getting used too. I still love my job to this day.

I also found time to assist with coaching youth wrestling, working as a personal trainer, and taking various martial art, classes. I enjoyed it all, and yet there was something missing, and as 2021 would continue along I would find that stresses where starting to creep in and really impact my life.

In January 2019, my stepmom ended up falling off a ladder and suffering a cracked skull. This was a tough time in my life, and for the years surrounding this, I was taking time off of work due to sick family members. When summer of 2021 hit, my step mom had another head injury that left her in an out of town hospital for weeks. I think this was when things started to get worse for me, mentally.

I had stopped being really creative and I was feeling it, because creating is the outlet that I need. It saved me from one of the worst time periods in my life. My film stuff suffered, my blogging became minimal. In part because I didn’t know what to say. Worse, I didn’t know how to say what I was feeling. I was just trying to keep positive and sane. I thought that I had it all under control, yet my frustrations, and anger kept creeping in. It just kept getting worse.

2022 I found myself feeling ennui, and I lost myself. I did get back into being creative a little and we filmed, but I struggled being satisfied with it. I had fun doing those things that we filmed, but I needed something more. Getting filming with another became an issue that stopped from filming.

The highlight is that I started seeing a therapist again. It was hard to realize that I didn’t have things under control. To be honest, food as become my drug again and I don’t like how I physically feel. I don’t like how for the last several months, I’ve not been present around my family, but there’s a silver lining.

I had Covid for the second time around Thanksgiving time. It took me longer to actually recover fully from it, and physically I feel like I have to completely start over to get back into the shape I was. While starting again sucks, I’m determined to get all that motivation back and bounce back better than ever. I’m getting back into being creative so that will also help.

I’m the director and that’s a wrap.

Building a Better Me: The Battle

The goal: to improve yourself to “hopefully” improve the way you feel, and to positively affect those around you. Life goes well, and you’re feeling the difference, when things start to head in a different direction. A pandemic hits, then self realization starts to sink in and all of a sudden, you’re in a spot of wondering why? Why so I struggle with the decisions that I’m make? Why have the bad habits seem to sneak back into my life? What does it all mean?

Life is a struggle, and when something gets introduced in some unexpected ways, it takes time to process, and with that more questions come about. Then more of the puzzle from the past comes to start explaining why the “knee jerk” reactions happen the way they do. The scary part is realizing that some of those reactions are from fucked up things that happened to you because of the choices you made down in a distant past.I watched a video once that said that thinking of the past brings depression, and that kind of explains a few things.

Life still shows you the struggle and then you start to wonder about the unknown in the future. You want to better yourself, but making those hard choices, leaves you scared because of the unknown. You know that the current path is easier, even the safer choice. That video I mentioned about depression, also mentioned that anxiety is what happens when you dwell on the future. I guess that’s a case study for living in the present.

I often have found myself zoning out, thinking of other things, besides the present, and I guess that would explain some of the difficulties that I’ve had. Yet, how does one truly live in the present? Patanjali was quoted, Yoga takes you into the present moment, the only place where life exists. https://quotepark.com/quotes/2070613-patanjali-yoga-takes-you-into-the-present-moment-the-only-p/. I think that’s part of why I’m becoming such a fan of yoga. I went to study it for something different to put under my personal training belt, but it’s become so much more than just that for me.

Then you go off track, sometimes you just seem to lose or forget your reason for doing those things you chose to do. In all truth, sometimes, life just gets busy, and you lose focus. That’s when you need the gentle reminder that it’s okay to stumble sometimes. I think part of this comes down to not having the best time management in my personal life.

Work is kind of easy to keep track of all the tasks that need to be done. I multi-task like a son of a bitch at work, and it seems to push me to do better. Plus it keeps me from getting bored from the same desk sitting mundane tasks that happens everyday. That is my professional motivation.

So, where do I go from here? Am I stuck in a pattern of toxic cycles, feeling sorry for myself? I heard a friend say something to me at a birthday party the other night that got me thinking about where my mindset has been. He said that he didn’t know if I had still been practicing kickboxing and that got me thinking about how much I miss the martial arts. It’s never gone far away, I still watch videos for technique and I occasionally move around, but it’s not the same as hitting the bag every day. So, it’s motivating me back into working out.

I have found motivation to get back on the task at hand, to workout, get my steps. The down side is that getting started again is a task since parts of my body hurt. It’s not like the main muscles are sore, I’ve been working on those awhile, but it’s the smaller stabilizer muscles, and other muscles that seem to be much harder to stretch that are getting to me. Once the routine is back on, I’ll be unstoppable.

Now, I’ve been in a strange place with my writing. Blogging has become infrequent, script writing is kind of in the same boat, and I’m trying to get my project filmed, but things seem to be getting in the way of finishing. I know that I need to prioritize my time a bit better, and I think that will help. Even squeezing things in earlier during the day would help.

I had to leave coaching because it was getting in my way of being creative, and yet I really miss teaching. I know that I want to expand on my martial arts so that I can teach more things, and it was always fun watching the kids develop into better versions of themselves, and being better athletes because of it.

My new pledge is to get back into blogging and being creative, because it poison of distraction and procrastination is always present. While sorter then most of my blogs, I’m calling this a wrap.

Just Wow

As the year ends, I’m trying to keep the positivity up. It’s not always easy, because there was loss this year. Loss, that affected me personally. I’ve been in a strange state, and I’m not sure how I should be feeling. I know that I stated such in my last blog that talked about the death of my ex-wife due to Covid-19, but I think that it’s better that way. So, why would I title the blog Just Wow?

Dealing with loss, and a pandemic, plush some professional issues, has me shaking my head about so much in terms with the way life has been going. So, I’m trying to maintain my head up. It’s not always easy to do. I just know that I’ve been in a spot where people notice that I’m not my usual self. I feel okay over all, I just think that I’m considering the choices that are being put in front of me, and some of them are scary, because of the unknown that comes with it.

I’m in a place that I’ve been considering where I want to take the brands. I’m not going to get rid of them, I’ve actually been thinking of turning this into my full-time profession, and giving the whole entrepreneurial thing a real go. Wanna know a secret on that? I was pretty sure that I was going that way by the end of next summer anyway, depending on how this pandemic goes.

That brings me to where my motivation is. I’m motivated in getting in way better shape, however, it would seem that the pandemic is trying to thwart my plans. I got this, I just have to get creative, because of my work hours are about to get crazy with thirteen hour days. Which will have me putting in sixty-five hours in one week, and twenty-six hours on the other week. I just need to adjust, and also remember what it was like during the first few years when my schedule was something like this. I’ve been told that it’s only temporary because we’ve got people out due to concerns. Nothing like having seasonal things being thrown in with a pandemic on top, right? It makes life interesting.

On the brighter side of things, today is my three-year-anniversary of having the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy, which means that it was three-years ago that I decided to make the jump and take some sort of control over my life again. It’s weird when you live in a body so long and it doesn’t feel like it’s your body. It would feel like I was living life through someone else’s space. There have been many ups and downs, but I don’t regret anything. As a matter of fact, my friend and partner in crime is going to have his done in just over a month. I’m both excited to see that he’s getting that help to get started, but nervous that he might have complications that I didn’t. I hope the mental part isn’t so difficult for him.

Staying motivated has been hard. I could come up with excuses, but I’m trying not too. I’m trying to adapt, and that’s where I’ve found challenges. Not only in the timing, but even my body being in the physical shape it is, needs to find something because it’s adapted to the training regime that I’ve been doing for this so long. Going through the ISSA personal training guide has taught me about the seven Grandfather principles has taught me about a few things about having to address these changes for progress.

Let’s face it, I was plateauing out for longer then I would like to admit, but I will progress past this, especially since I’m going to take this into my brands and that entrepreneurial spirit that I’ve been gravitating towards. My lifestyle and professional life should reflect each other, and while I’ve been working towards that, I know that it’s going to happen. I have that faith, I have that drive. It’s what my hustle has been going for the whole time. I’m ready to launch my brands on a bigger scale. It’s the fear of failure that has kept me hesitant from actually going forward.

We went to our new location at the branding house for our first meeting, and it was productive. It felt nice to have a professional space to work, and it was a great place to go and prepare for our major push. With that I also started my final process to get that certificate for my personal trainer license. There is so much more that’s going on, that’s part of the “next step”.

The Geekutural Experience is going to be getting some love and a bit of a diverse refocus, as our geek culture will be getting videos on game play, podcasts that will go over more on the subject of games. Plus we’ll be launching a digital new letter covering the other parts of entertainment and pop culture.

The CK Project, will be looking to get a non-profit for the health and wellness of people. It’s been a hard fought battle that I’ve endured my whole life, and I want to continue to show people that there are better options out there. I’ve come to the point where changing lives has given me so much purpose that it’s helped me keep positive. Positivity is the best way to go, because there’s way too much of the negative, and people trying to tear each other down. Look out for more podcasts and video content as well, as this mission keeps going.

Luckey Bom Films is the thing that will tie everything together. It took film school to help guide me unto this path in ways that I never expected. It ended up doing more for me than just showing me how to make a movie. It taught me how to present more things. It taught me about the importance of my brand. That’s the biggest lesson of all. That’s an important part to remember, your brand is what you are. It represents your character. Truth is, not everybody gives a shit on what their brand stands for, and that’s okay.

I’m trying to represent being positive, and a good person. I know I’m not someone everyone is a fan of, but I do my best to keep going in the best direction that I can. Do I fail? Of course I do, I don’t always make the best decisions. Sometimes I let my ego get the best of the situation.

Keep in mind that things can get worse, and as long as you’re breathing and above ground, it’s a good thing. as my year went from surprisingly okay to the plot twist of having to deal with loss, I’ve been doing my best to keep it together. I’ve had co-workers express interest in how I’m doing as I’ve not seemed like my normal self. I don’t really feel that the loss of loved one’s has changed me in any sort of way. I do feel that it’s pushed me to get somewhere better in my life though.

With that said, I do want to reiterate that I miss Smush, she was a good, loving dog. I don’t think that I had ever felt so much love from an animal since my childhood dog, Princess. I wish that I would have tried harder to have a relationship with my mother, I didn’t truly understand the love that she had for me until I was in Pennsylvania, and was told the stories and read the writing that she had about me and my siblings. As for my ex, Mariah, I’m sorry that she left this earth at such a young age, but with the health problems she was dealing with, I’m glad that she’s no longer suffering.

I will also reiterate what good has come of this year. Not going out to do the things I’ve come to enjoy over the years, I did find that I was spending less money, which in term helped us pay off some bills. Which in the end will give us more to actually invest in the things that we’re doing. I learned things about myself when challenged by my ideology. Through the loss of someone, I was able to connect with a side of my life that I never knew that I was missing. The last and biggest part of the positive things that have come out of this year is the fact that it’s pushed me to be more creatively driven, and I’m touring with a great team that will help elevate the products that we plan on launching with the new year, we’ll be constantly busy every weekend, bringing something out for you to consume and hopefully enjoy.

This is the director and that’s a wrap.

2020, You’re Really Trying Me

As my last blog talked about my adventures in Pennsylvania, I need to continue on what some might consider a bit of a shit sandwich. As I was coming home from the airport LAX, I was graced with the news that my dog of eight-years needed to be put down, because she was sick and wasn’t getting any better.

What a way to capitalize an already emotionally charged time in my life. Ever wonder how much one person can endure? I swear that this year is just trying to break me, but I’m gonna be okay. I did cry a bit today as I was finishing updating my social media. Looking at a pic that I took of Smush a couple of weeks ago really got to me. This could be because I’ve either not fully processed everything, or it’s just now starting to hit me.

I know that I’ve still kept myself busy since being back. I don’t feel like I do a whole lot most days, but when you break down the stuff that I do keep involved in, I guess that I do keep busy. For example, I finished the blog that I had started on Friday, published it. I did a live video on Facebook, then I also worked on costuming for a character that’s premiering on a comedy that we’re writing. Plus I dealt with other movie business as well.

I don’t feel like it’s a whole lot as I didn’t study any of my personal training stuff until today, and I finished the chapter that I had working on for what seemed like weeks now. At least I have ten-days at home to concentrate and get some stuff done. That’s the price I had to pay, just to travel all across the United States.

Before I get off track, I should mention a bit more about my pug, Smush. She’s been my dog since we got her over eight-years-ago. I was the human that she claimed as hers. I’ve never had an animal that seemed so loving or dedicated as Smush. There’s going to be a place that seems to be missing in my heart. She was the best little pug, though a pain-in-the-ass at the same time. I’m going to miss her.

I swear to God that my keeping busy isn’t a way to avoid anything, but I feel like anytime away from trying to be creative seems to be a waste anymore. I play video games as a way to relax, or wake-up. I do the same with movies, unless I’m doing some studying as a filmmaker. Is it crazy that I still don’t feel like I’m doing enough? Has this become an unhealthy obsession?

I know that I had five-days-away from doing anything, besides family things, but man I feel like I’m either making up for lost time, or maybe I’ve got a renewed vigor. I know that as my group gets more and more into the projects that we’re developing, I want to do this as a full-time thing. I’m even excited that I’ll eventually be training people to become healthier, and I figure that at some point I won’t have to depend on other entities to be my boss.

That was always a goal I had in mind since I was old enough to figure out the kinds of things that I wanted to do when I became an adult. It used to be about me having my own music producing company, then it was on to having my own film company. These are blurring and becoming more like reality.

Everybody grieves differently, or so I keep getting told. Could this be how I grieve? By creating? By letting my ambitions to lead me in a different direction? I guess that I could have other vices that could be more destructive, yet here I am, choosing to create. I’m trying to make life more fulfilling. I’m not saying that what I’m creating is necessarily beautiful, but that’s in the perspective of the beholder. I’m just here to entertain, and enlighten. I’ve been told that I do both decently and I continue to improve, that is the goal over all. To improve.

I’m choosing to use the loss of my mother and my dog, as a way to inject something into my creative process. I’m going to show their love through whatever it is I’m doing. It’s my way of taking the negative and turning it into something positive. I feel that this shows where my personal growth has gone. As I’ve strived to improve myself, I find that the way I would react to many things have changed over time.

This Covid-19 pandemic has proved that I’ve changed my perspective on things. I’ve had friends complain on how this has inconvenienced their lives, and how they wish that live would quickly get back to normal. The way I look at this is that this has turned into an opportunity to grow, and learn. I’ve been fortunate to still be working, and it’s a blessing because I’ve taken the time to pay off debts, and right now I think that’s where a good focus is, because I’m trying to build something, and I need to make decisions that could potentially stop this type of income from coming in.

The risk versus the reward, has been something that’s been weighing on my mind for sometime now. Even today with the pandemic becoming bigger and more serious, it weighs on me even more.

Side note: This blog started several weeks ago and I am now getting back to it now twenty-days later.

Things have been crazy since I started this blog. One of those things that have been heading in the right direction is the fact that movie business has picked up an opportunity to have a place for a creative base for at least the little bit. Yet, November has just seemed to go by, and I took a bit of a mental break the last week or so.

With that break though I find myself getting back on track today with completing a couple of quizzes for my ISSA personal trainer certification. I’ve done twenty-two out of thirty-one quizzes so far. I need to have my CPR certificate, and I realized that I updated mine last year. So things are starting to look good again.

I should say that I’ve been changing the way that I eat, and I’m starting to feel better about my weight loss journey. This is the one thing that I’ve been struggling with. I’m not sure why I let myself get back into some of those bad habits, because I do feel better not being as big as I was. I’m not trying to let my mental state use food as a crutch, I promise that I’m not.

I guess that I should address my mental state a bit, because since I’ve been back to work I keep getting asked the same question everyday, by what seems like, everyone. “Am I okay?” I honestly don’t know how to respond more than I’m fine. I mean there’s been so much that has gone on over the last month, and even most of the year, I feel like I might have just skated by and gone through the motions. I really am in a place where I just don’t think that I’ve completely processed the events that have gone on, but I also just don’t feel like I really have anything to say to anybody. I don’t mean to seem like a dick, or that I’m ungrateful for the concern, but I just don’t feel like talking about anything, except to a few people and those people aren’t really any part of my usual circles as it is.

Truth is I’ve found something that has spoken to me, and I feel that it’s trying to lead me to a path somewhere on the opposite side of our country. I don’t know how to explain it, but Pennsylvania spoke to my soul. I connected to a part of my life that I never knew was missing before, and I’m eternally grateful for those who took time out of their lives to let me in, even for a brief time, or better yet, opened a bit more of a bond then just through text.

I have my goals here, that I’ll continue to pursue, but I also think that I want to take part of that and build it in Pennsylvania as well. I’m going to leave with those words, here, and now. I also want to say that while things haven’t always looked the best, and that I’ve tried to keep that silver lining going, I do have plans to show where my success is starting to show, it’s just going to take a bit of time, but all will be revealed.

This is the director and that’s a wrap.

Realigning Priorities

With society being on various forms of quarantine, those who stay home have mentioned things about learning a new skill, or finishing some sort of project that has been worked on, but never finished. I’m realizing that I need to start working on some of those things as well. I still have to work, and being on the night shift doesn’t make my motivation for the waking hours any easier.

I realize that I need to work on stuff that I’ve been working on, and I need to practice skills that I’m still in the early stages of getting better at. On the plus side, I’ve low-keyed gotten a few things done here and there, so I’ll take that as a win. The fact that I’m putting out blogs one to two times a week seems to align with the things I tried to do the last time I was on the night shift. I know that there were a few months that I didn’t seem to have much going on besides staying awake, but I’m going to do my best to keep providing the content. This is both for the purpose of being a creative person, and my mental sanity.

It feels like I don’t have enough time to do anything, except the physical activity that I do throughout the day.  Truth is, I have all these things that I have on the back burner, and I don’t want that to be an excuse, however sometimes I think that I try to take on too much and that’s why I tend to get stagnant when actually getting something out. Man, I also have this plethora of ideas being churned around in my head about this whole Coronavirus ordeal. In fact I think I have come up with a few story ideas, that I think I’ll start notes on here in the next few days.

This situation has also made me realize that I want to start keeping in better contact with those who I actually want in my life. I’ve been reaching out too those that I actually find to be important to me, and hope that I can keep the solid bases for the relationships I have. Doesn’t it bother anyone to want to do more with friends, and find that life has gotten too busy, or that we’ve become too distracted for communications? I know that I’d like to blame it on the fact that I’m too busy doing things all the time, but the truth is, I’m easily distracted.  What is the distraction, you might ask? Video games, movies, social media.

That last one kind of skirts the edge of a complicated relationship, not for just me, but I’m sure there are plenty of others who might relate. I know people like to keep up to date with what’s going on with who. Have we just gotten to the point where we want to know everyone’s business? Has it always been that way? So, there comes the other question: What about you, Chris? Why does social media distract you so much? I know that my view of social media changed after I started going to film school. I also know that my reason’s behind why I do social media has changed quite a bit.

I used to feel that I wanted to share every problem, opinion with everyone. Yes, it’s still true, but I do things a bit differently. I mean I would complain online about work, relationships, etc.. I would also celebrate the triumph and happy stuff too. How is that different than what I’m doing now? Social media is about promoting my brands. That’s what it’s about for me. Part of what it is, using my experiences to show people that there’s a better way, that the thoughts of depression and suicide aren’t always the final answer.

I’m about uplifting, encouraging, seeing others succeed. Watching others succeed in something I wish I was successful at isn’t always the easiest thing too endure. I’d love to be making the incredible content that I see some of my friend’s doing. I’d love to have that job that pays me to do what I actually love. Don’t get me wrong, I love my health and wellness brand, that’s where I find the most success as it is, with the most response. I’d just like my film company to be making something all the time, and I’m sure we’ll get there at some point in the future, it’s just hard to see others take that train to glory town sooner than expected.

I knew that I would end up running into a stump along my path, as I have a few times. It’s not uncommon or unexpected. I knew that putting this burden on myself, would be an undertaking, but I also knew that it would help keep my mind busy, which is a good thing.

One of the bright and consistent things, while I haven’t completely been motivated to workout, I haven’t done too bad otherwise. I’m still getting in workouts, even if they’re not always as intense as I usually do when I workout with Sam. I’m not feeling a shrinkage of any of my clothing that I wear day-to-day.

That’s one of those weird things about my  weight loss journey so far, that I’m in-between  sizes for somethings. I wear an extra-large to a two-x in shirts. I was up to a five-x for the longest time. Now I can wear large shorts, sometimes an extra-large in shorts depending on the make.

I didn’t ever consider that would be in anything under a three-x. So, I’m happy about the work that I’ve put into myself. I’ve also started working on getting to the point where I can do a hand stand, while I’m not there, I think that’s one of the next goals that I’m looking to achieve. This might take sometime, but I know that it’ll be worth it. I think I want to get into parkour at some point in the future. That’s one of those things that Assassin’s Creed(2007) had gotten me interested in.

I can’t believe that I’ve been living this new life for almost two-and-a-half-years now. I have no regrets, and I do think that I wish that I would have made that decision earlier to have the surgery, but I think that I had been in a kind of limbo from the end of 2013 and I was just actually understanding how to come back from it in 2015. It took the instance of actually coming to the realization that I could meet my maker in 2017, that gave me the view of needing to be reborn.

That is exactly what I’ve done, and I have the cognitive view to see how I’m changing. It’s something that I still see, and the realizations coming with that. I’m in the process of dealing with my past and self abuse. I’ve still got a long way to go, and I hope that I can figure it out.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, as it does deal with me as a whole, coming from focusing on my weight loss journey, and my mental health. Things are going well,  considering everything going on in this world. Remember to subscribe, and leave comments to help make this whole thing better and help me to keep improving my content. That’s the director, and that’s a wrap.

Let’s Get Caught Up

Wow, it’s been a while since I last blogged. So much has happened. For one I did start a blog last month about it being my two-year-anniversary since my weight loss surgery, and how it changed my life, but life got in the way with other things, and I became less motivated to finish that blog.

With that being said, I figured that I would turn this into a hodgepodge of several things in a blog and cover all my bases.

I had my two-year-anniversary since I had my gastric sleeve done, and so far I’ve teetered between around 167, and 169 pounds being gone. That’s not bad by all means, but being at a plateau like that since May has been a bit discouraging.

In the last few months I’ve started training a bit differently and going from weight training to body weight training. It’s different, and feels more challenging for me. I do still get in the weights from time to time, but I prefer this new type of training because it seems to hit the muscles down deeper.

Part of the changes that have happened is that I have become more aware of my body. I realize the spots that have weakness, and I try to be a bit more mindful when they start to hurt. Stretching is one of those ways that I try to compensate for some of the issues. My left knee is usually the one thing I can’t ever seem to get completely stretched out. I’ve had to find a few different positions to get that right stretch in.

So, this brings me up to the things that I wanted to get caught up on for  the new year. I’ve started a food journal on Tumblr, and I find that it is keeping me a bit more honest than I thought. I defiantly consider more about what it is that I’m eating, and I hope that this is one way that helps get me back on the path of losing weight. This is also something that I’ll be adjusting and evolving as I go along. Right now, I just keep track of what I’m eating, and soon I’ll be adding calorie, carb, protein count into the mix. The bright side of this is that I’ve been constant over the last few days.

On the opposite end of this, is the fact that when I was doing Weight Watchers, I hated keeping track of what I would eat. I started out doing well, but it just kind of fell out of the way. I guess that it helps I’m in a different spot mentally.

Out of all the changes in my body since I’ve been working out, I feel that my shoulders have defiantly shaped up the most nicely, and I can’t weight until my stomach gets a bit flatter. I’ll have to talk to the doctor about the skin removal surgery in ten days, which will also be my forty-first birthday. I’ve been seeing some of the skin removal results from fellow weight loss people, and I’m still a bit nervous about this whole thing.

I think that’s where the vanity comes in. I’ve got surgical scars, but I’m not looking forward to having more, especially some that would literally be right under my nose. I know that for health and comfort, it’s probably the best decision and I can’t wait until I can fit in clothes better. I’m just not excited for the eye sore that will come from the end product. I’m also not looking forward to the recovery process, and I’m gathering how bad it’s going to be.

It’s strange because when I had two-thirds of my stomach removed, the recovery time wasn’t as bad as it could have been. The first month was hard, but it got so much easier as I went along, and the first month was the hardest part, both physically and mentally. the mental part is what surprised me the most.

So, as we continue on with this blog, it’s a new year. I’m not going to say the generic, “New year, new me,” statement because I actually have come to dislike it. I figure if you’re going to change habits, and be a better person, then why wait? Just do it! Start the change now, and keep it going into the new year. The whole concept of the new year is wiping the slate clean, just kind of baffles me anymore. It’s just another day, and things are going to continue the way you choose to handle them. All a new year does is give you a new number to deal with.

However, with that being said, this year is going to prove to be a step in the right direction as it is. With the shameless cross promoting that I do, we are striking the right cords to get Luckey Bom Films going with three projects in the works, and Unexpected Side Trip seems to keep getting pushed back for financial reasons, we’ll be hitting up the crowdfunding soon enough. I’m excited because it’s just one of the scripts that I completed last year. I’ve finished a second draft of Life Happens and I’m excited because I’m getting in front of the camera for that one. It’s a bit bitter sweet because I had been working on the idea for the last four years, and to finally see the story fleshed out feels like an accomplishment. It’s also the longest script I have done so far.

The final script that I’ve been developing is a rehash of the first short that I ever did, Appreciate What You Got. It’s one that I was inspired to create a character off of an amazing young lady the I had gotten to know through interactions at work, and it was the first short I ever developed. The original project showed me a glimpse of what I was starting to get myself into, and fortified my passion as a story teller.

One of the exciting things about all my stories so far, is that with my friend Ed, who played Nash Gray, and has let me use some of his creative properties to help tell stories, i.e. Nash Gray, Unexpected Side Trip; has helped me come up with the idea that I should have my own shared universe. That is something that I’ve been able to do, and is something that as a writer I find exciting when I can start tying things in together.

I’ve also got some other things planned in between projects that I’ll be doing, I just have to wait before I say too much about that.

The CK Project  is also getting some love this year, as the podcast is gaining momentum. Combining that with some magic of having a film production company, we’ve come out with our first multi-cast last month. That’s what took me so long to get anything out content wise, and I’m still developing my visual skills in post production.

As far as the podcast goes, I’ve been connecting and networking with so many people that we’re looking to bring on several guests with in this year. It’s going to be an adventure as we’ll be having people from across the states join us. People that I’ve known for years, people that it seems like I’ve just really gotten to know through the whole weight loss journey. The CK Project  is going to another level as we are looking to make it a non-profit business, to help raise awareness and funds for mental health. The niche that the podcast is finding is weight loss and the affects on mental health. While we talk about a number of things, mental health seems to be the subject that keeps popping up, and it’s seemingly getting people interested in our message.

Yet to finish off where things are going, I do have a third brand, which is gaining the momentum that we wanted. The Geekultural Experience is a passion project of mine and Sarah’s. As we are geeks, and it’s one of the many things that I’ve had that has gotten me connected with people. We’ve got a podcast, which we’re still finding our niche, but it’s also helped Sarah start a few things on her own. She’s started up a local Steampunk group called the Coggle Society, and I think this is something that she’s going to shine in. I totally support that she’s doing this, however I’m not into the steampunk scene like she is. Though watching her work on this and watching her grow as a person because of this has been a wonderful thing to see.

We’ve got a busy year a head of us, as we’ll be doing charities as well as working in the community on a couple of other projects that are in the early stages of development. More details will be coming out as we get further into it.

With that, holy shit! I had more to say then I thought I would. I am the Director and that’s a wrap.

Something Big Is Brewing

I’ve gotten off from a great weekend. I got in an excellent workout on Saturday, published two blogs, broke down a script, and did a podcast. It was a great weekend, full of productivity, plus it was nice to give my three brands the love and attention they deserve.

As much as I’ve been struggling lately with the stars in life, it’s always good when I can get a weekend of positivity in. Mentally, being creative helps save me from myself. I can pour the energy and focus into it. It’s almost like an emotional rest for me. It gets complex, because of what emotions can develope from my writing.

I find that as a writer, I’m quite different than as person. In the real world, I’m generally positive, funny, and laid back. There isn’t much that upsets me, accept the enternal struggle with my mind.

As a writer, the subject tone is usually serious, and deep. I think that deep down, this is a way that I might be working through some of my emotional things. They say that a writer pours a bit of themselves into the characters. So, that either leads me to believe that the tragedy and traumas that I’ve suffered, might have helped lead me understanding a bit about other events that I might not have suffered myself.

At the same time, I know that anything I write, I would like guidance to give it authenticity. As I wrote the project Unexpected Side Trip, I wanted to represent the LGBTQA community as much as possible for the lead characters. As I work on the project I’ll be doing after, I want to do it justice as it deals with how people deal with grief from the loss of their child to juvenile leukemia. While I haven’t lost a child myself, I’ve had friends and family that have, and I want to represent it in the best possible light that I can. This is important to me, because this story has been in development for the last four years, and I’m just now able to get back to writing it.

We are working on some ideas to present with the Geekultural Experience, as right now the podcasting is some off the easier things to do. At the same time, it’s been a bit slow to gain momentum. https://anchor.fm/geekultural-exp/episodes/Cosplay-and-Halloween-e5d4v5 here’s the episode in case you’re interested in seeing what it’s all about. We’re thinking about hitting another convention for one day as we’re still really just trying to find our niche in this world.

Now, the big one that most people come to read about on these blogs, the CK Project. We’ve been working on merchandise, and I’ve had a few of the shirts made, and I think that they’re good quality. We just got some pull-over hoodies designed and in various colors. The response is great, and I’ve got a few people who’ve said that they were going to buy something. As this is going for motivation for weight loss and for mental health awareness, we’re looking to turn this into a non-profit organization. I think that I’m both excited and torn by this idea, but if it helps get the message out, then I’m all for the affect of progressing to something a bit different.

As for my progress, I’m currently at a stand still on my weight. I did however up the weight that I’m lifting. twenty-pounds added to my deadlift, and I felt like I was going to die. I’ve progressed on my kettle-bell, and the dumbbells that I’ve been using to do military presses.

I find that my circuit training had started getting to a point where I wasn’t getting the sweat like I had. I do also realize that going heavier comes with the complications of being able to injure myself easier, that’s why form is important. With that, I’m trying to take a bit more time with my reps so that I can be sure that I don’t hurt myself. Yet, I think this was also something I needed to help me get past this five-pound curse.

I will be checking-in with my doctor’s office tomorrow so that I could get back into my check-ins and to start the discussion of getting the skin-removal-surgery. I’ve been feeling uncomfortable in my skin lately. As I’ve been going along, I’ve started to feel that the surgery’s the answer that I need. Itchy, uncomfortable skin is a thing, so I’m going to deal with it until I don’t have to anymore.

I know that I put off my last appointment because of the fact that we had some earthquakes during that time. Now, I feel that I hadn’t because there’s something inside of me that’s afraid of getting the surgery. I’ve heard that it’s painful, and to be honest, I’m a bit anxious about having another surgery. That would include having to take off another six-weeks from work.

I guess that it’s the unknown that keeps me hesitant. I also know that I talk about self-improvement, so I should just take the plunge. This would be career wise as well. At least this is something that I’ve been actively taking into my hands over the last few years. It’s been slow, but with the weight loss, I’ve learned that I can and do deserve to be able to grow professionally.

I’m the director and that’s a wrap.

Lose And Gain

So, it’s been a while since I’ve done the official “weight-loss” update. Here goes; I gained four pounds. Yep, that’s the official update, I’m back up to 264 pounds. I’m not even mad, I knew the plateau’s and the weight gains would just all be apart of the process. So remember that!

You see the commercials on television and in print ads that someone can help you drop all the weight you want by a pill or a drink, with minimal work. It doesn’t work that way, ever. The truth is that while you will drop the weight, there will be times that you level out, and even gain some. Remember that it’s just part of the journey, and I know that’s the part that people hate.

It’s the plateau’s and the gains that cause most people to quit. I mean who wants to see the number stick or go up? We didn’t get into losing weight to see the momentum go anywhere but down? I gained five pounds, and I’ve worked so hard not to gain, what kind of bullshit is this?

I remember the first time I plateau’d after my surgery, God it was frustrating! Man it was the longest time before I dropped weight again(actually it was like three weeks). I don’t think I got mad at myself, but it was disappointing. Yet, I knew even then that it was part of the process, but after seeing my first hundred pounds just melt off, it sucked.

I think some habits have also snuck back into my life, especially since I’ve been in a bit of a stressful situation. I still have a win because one, I’m aware of it, and two, I’m still staying active. I’m going to overcome this situation. This is just another bump in the road that I have to overcome.

Mentally, I’ve been a bit down, but nothing too discouraging to know that I can’t overcome it. The mind is your most powerful weapon that you have. If you believe, then you can achieve. I know that my mind tells me that I can’t do things, like lunges. It doesn’t let me do lunges, and it makes me feel afraid that I’ll injure my knee. I don’t ever recall injuring my knee that way, but it makes it hard for me to go down without some sort of support. If I use a chair, then I know that I can do it.

On the positive side, I’ve been learning about various exercises from the Men’s Health Magazine, Twitter page. One of the exercises, that I’m excited about is the Mt. Climber, I’ve seen it done, but I realized that when I’ve done it before, I didn’t have the proper form for doing it. Another exercise is called the Halo. It’s an exercise that can use either a dumbbell or a kettlebell and it works the shoulders. This one excites me because it hits the shoulders from several angles. A third exercise that I’ve seen on video from Twitter is called a pike press. Modified, I think it would be a good exercise for me to do a shoulder press.

Another thing that I can say that is on the positive side, is that I’ve been looking into what kind of mindset an entrepreneur should have. I know that it’s going to take time, and a massive amount of hard work, but I will get there. I also know that I’m pushing for “maximum effort” because while one brand, or business is a full-time job, I have three that I’m working on.

With that, this is where things get a bit more convoluted, the CK Project is my oldest and most popular of my brands.  It’s great because I find that it’s the easiest to give most of my attention too. I support the fact that I get to help others with mental and physical guidance. This is what helped me become a happier person, and the privilege to help others has been fulfilling.

The birth of The Geekultural Experience actually spun-off of a group that I helped create called The Geeks of the IWV.  The group was formed as a way to help my friend cope with the death of her son, and it’s done fairly well. While The Geekultural Experience started on Facebook, it seems to have a better following on Twitter. I find that I get the news on Twitter so much easier more readily than Facebook.

While I enjoy my these brands and they fill a very different aspect of my life, the one I’m most looking forward to picking up is my film company, Luckey Bom Films. It’s more because I would love to have them all to be more equal then they are, but I’m sure this will get there at some point. It’s hard trying to keep things sorted out, and each get more attention, at different times when the focus can shift to what’s taking the more precedence at the time.

What would you like to see me talk about? Is there anything you think could help take my brands to another level? Leave a comment, and let’s start a dialogue, I’d love to interact and get feed back on the things I’m doing. After all, criticism is just a tool for improvement. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Just Keep Going

I’m looking at bettering myself professionally. I’ve been trying to put in a few applications in to a few paces and see where it takes me. After all, I didn’t get that promotion at work, and it might just have been a way of saying that I should put in and see where life wants to take me. This is something that takes precedence with my motivation as of late.

It’s not that I dislike my job, it’s just I need to make some moves that can get me more money than I’m getting right now. Yes, there are things that I don’t agree with, but there are more pluses about this job than not. It’s been something that I had to figure out, but I do enjoy the interaction at work. There’s just things that make it all frustrating, and I’m trying to address those things.

I have a hurdle to overcome and I feel that it’s something that’s been holding me back in many aspects of my life. Wanna know what it is? I think that it’s marketing; plain and simple. I know that resume’s are supposed to be a way to market yourself unto employers. Let’s face facts, I think I could learn a thing of two about marketing my brands.

I think that with confidence, I’m better at talking doubt my brands because I can sell the passion that I have. Being told that I’m “an inspiration” by people might be the way I have to market myself. My charisma has always been something that I knew I would have to have, because my looks were always considered “undesirable” by the one’s I was attracted too.

Maybe my own condense and low-self-esteem is what has prevented me from being better at marketing myself? I think that I need to take the time to contemplate it, because I’m not the same person that I was. I feel better, and I’m more motivated to do things, even when things seem to be piling on. That’s life, and it doesn’t bother me as much as would be thought. At the same time, I’ve gotten better at reacting to the circumstances surrounding the various situations.

So, I want to ask the reader a few questions: let’s start with this, what would you like to see from me? I’ve gotten into designing shirts, and stickers, plus a few other items, but I’m sure there is something people would like to see, what is it that you would like to see the CK Project, offer?

Even better, for those who do read on Facebook, Tumblr, what is it that you think I should offer? What do you see are my strengths? Part of the reason I ask, is because I want to get more interaction from my readers. I want to start a conversation, and not just have people lurking. I want this to feel like something that starts a conversation and keeps going. I believe in you.

That goes for being humbled by the people I see in my life. I get many people saying that they keep up with my stuff, even if they don’t comment, and they are inspired and excited to see the progress, but I want this to be a discussion. How do we better ourselves? What kinds of things would be of great benefit for me to talk about?  How can I get you to join in the conversation?

I think this would help me better market myself, and improve the things that I’m already doing.  Here is my new merchandise store: https://teespring.com/stores/the-ck-project

This is the latest podcast on Bullying: https://anchor.fm/CkProject/episodes/Bullying-Ep–1-e4tkig/a-abgq9b.

I think that’s about it for this blog. This is the director and that’s a wrap.

 

Fix That Motivation With Time

I have been off of the nightshift for two weeks now, and I can’t say how much happier I am. It felt like the last six-months has been nothing but a dream. I am aware that I did some things, but I felt like I was in a fog for most of the time. My days were filled with zombified waling around.

I think part of the problem was that the night shift made me feel a bit lonely. I was reduced to being in bed with my wife for only two nights a week. There wasn’t many people coming through where I was stationed at night, and the night’s that I got the easiest post, I would begin to feel even more secluded. At least I could generally get in my steps with no problems.

Now that I have hours that the normal, sane, living person has, I am getting more of my creative flow back. I’ve been writing more than I had been in the last six months, and my mind is on fire with creativity and ideas to get things back on track. So, I’m back to providing content, and life is feeling good again.

There were things that I was thankful for about night shift though. The weather was over all cooler, and being back in one-hundred-degrees-plus during the day time reminded me of that. Oh and the fact that the earthquakes happened at that time. I don’t think I would have wanted to deal with the amount of people trying to get access to places they couldn’t because of the damage.

Getting back on track of things though, I’m thankful that there are people who do like the night shift. They are a special breed of people that thrive there, and I’m just not one of them. I mean I did well enough, but I just found that it wasn’t my cup of tea.

I’m finding that getting into the full swing of being on a normal shift seems to be taking me a bit longer than I expected to adjust, however I do know how resilient I can be. The 10,000 steps I take, seem to be a bit of a struggle to get too in the heat, but I know that it will be worth it in the end.

The shift in my mindset has been noticeable, as I’m working almost constantly to get more content out. If I’m not actually doing it, I seem to be thinking about it. My sleep patterns have gotten so much better. There really is something to be next to the person that I’ve spent almost half of my life with. I sleep better, and she sleeps better. Even my dog sleeps better.

With that being said, while I’ve had some set backs on getting the big content I wanted out. I have made the steps necessary to get that moving. We did some test shots last night as a part of getting ready to film our short. Re-writes are underway as I continue to work on getting the script ready to shoot. I’m just glad that I’m getting that motivation back to get things done.

I’m not sure if the night shift was conducive with my mental health, but I did learn so much about myself while being on there, and my appreciation for the people I deal with has grown. I’ve gotten so many reactions about not being seen for six months or more, and it makes me feel good to know that I was missed.

Sometimes I feel like I don’t make much of a difference in people’s lives, but then the reactions tell me otherwise. It reminds me of when I was in a darker mindset that if I wasn’t around, then nobody would miss me. I don’t actually think that way anymore because of all the praises and comments I get on a daily basis. Getting called an inspiration does feel good, and being able to reach out a helping hand has built in a new confidence in me.

The biggest thing that I can say about walking away from night shift is that I realized that I learned a part of my job that wasn’t likely to get too during the day shift and if that skill even needed to be applied during the busy hours, I could accomplish that aspect of the job.

Things have been set in motion and I can only look forward from here on out, I don’t ever think I will volunteer to go back on night shift, however if something was to force me onto it, I think I would survive it just fine.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.