Struck By Motivation

So, I decided that I was going to make my 10,000 steps today. My current total is 13,054 steps for the day. Which means I’ve traveled 5.8 miles and burned 772 Calories. Not bad for a Tuesday. The one thing that I noticed today is that I’m feeling a slight pull in the back on my right hamstring. I think that I need to stretch it out, and I hope that helps.

With life going at such a fast pace, I’ve felt that I had a few weeks of lost motivation. I know that it’s a normal response to lose motivation. You can’t always go 100% all the time without a bit of fatigue. I was there creatively as well, but I’m finding that extra motivation to continue to work on that as well. The lack of motivation was just a phase, but it was a habit that I had been comfortable with for a long time.

As I sit here and write this, I think about how I would come home and just play video games, or watch television. I don’t really do those things like I used too. It’s funny to reflect on how I was at this time last year, and to see where I am mentally now. I like to create, that’s something I’ve been a fan of most of my life. Music, stories, poetry, I’ve always had a hand in something creative. Maybe that’s why I’m coming into a place in my life where I’m feeling fulfilled with the things that I work on.

My team should have some stories out that we can look at shooting, and I’m excited to see where this newly formed machine is going to take us. While it’s true that I’ve worked with almost everyone in some form, the relationship of this team is still relatively new. This both excites me, and makes me nervous, because I want this to succeed.

It’s not just that I want the production company to succeed, I want this team to prosper as well. Sometimes I start to fear that ego might get in the way, and that is something I’m trying to avoid. I have enough self-doubt that crosses my mind every so often. Yes, I know that my depression tries to sabotage me, and I have to get reassurance that everything is okay. I guess that’s the emotional side of me. I do try and keep it in check though, and I hate when the creative process seems to be hindered. At least what we’ve done so far, has helped put the team on a better level of understanding.

I know one of the projects that I need to start is to work on an outline for The CK Project. With me down over 110 pounds, I think that we need to start documenting the rest of the transformation, and get some motivational words on video. It’s an idea, that I’ve had, and I did a few small videos before the surgery. The only after surgery videos have come out on Facebook and Snapchat. Part of the goal is to impliment them more as well.

 I’m finding success documenting the weight loss journey through Instagram, and I’ve made several contacts with others on this journey through social media. These people have my full support, and those who I’ve talked too in the real world are getting behind The CK Project. As soon as I get the next prototype for the shirt, if I like it, I’ll be getting them availible to the public, and I know my trainer, Sam Basco, is one of the first customers.

Speaking of Sam, I took my kids too one on his youth grappling classes yesterday, and they seemed to enjoy themselves. I get such a joy watching my children do new things and have fun with social interaction. I find a fasination and pride watching them try their hardest. I think that’s how most parent’s are. I look forward to seeing where my family’s relationship with Flawless Victory MMA  is going to go. The coaches are great, and very supportive in the growth of physical health and the MMA profession.

Sam is also going to help my wife rehab her arm, and get both strength and range of motion back into it. We spent several hours in the emergancy room, just to get meds, and no real examination. I feel that it’s kind of frustrating, when you would expect a medical professional to take the time to examine the problem, but instead say that it’s common, give us a perscription, and send us on our way. That was a huge waste of five hours of our time, but at least she did get something to help.

Professionally, I think that this or next week, I’ll start hearing from the moves that I’m trying to make. I’m really excited about this because, I’m ready to move on and grow into new things(That is why I went to school). I’m trying to keep positive about everything, and while I’ve faultered at times, I do think that the pay off’s going to be big, and I’ve got an eye in three different places for the same kind of job.

Anyway, things are really looking up. I had a rough moment this weekend, but feel better as my point was made. I just need to learn to control the emotions behind it a bit better. So, this is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Productive Saturday

Today, I got up and I walked five miles. I got over 11,000 steps before eleven-thirty this morning. What a way to start my day! After that, I spent most of the day with my son. We got to enjoy watching Avengers: Infinity War (2018) for the second time. Then we had a meeting with people who we are introducing to our creative team.

Allow me to expound on how I felt about Infinity War. As much as I love Marvel Studios, I think that they’ve gotten better over this last year. This movie was not only well balanced, but it proved that they could make a massive movie without losing the story. I’m excited by what the next few movies are going to add to the narrative. I’m sure that part four is going to so answers to the questions and consequences to the actions of this movie. Best movie so far.

So, I have a few creative minds in my group of friends, and some of us share like minded goals. I brought in someone who had worked with me on Nash Gray(2017)  and a mutual friend for a meeting to see if they would work to help on the creative writing side of things. This is especially important because I “apparently” have too many things going on. From trying to make money from my brands. Too working every other aspect that is involved with them. So this is something that I think will help expedite the process of getting something going while I get my priorities straight. I’ll admit that sometimes I can’t just seem to do one thing at a time, but I will get it figured out.

Now on to the weight loss journey that I’ve been on for over five months.32349505_2059831254272472_1460137951194251264_o

I’ve lost over one hundred and seven pounds. I’ve dropped down ten pants sizes. I feel incredible. My confidence has sky rocketed. All in all, life is going good.

I’m always so amazed by how good life has been going. I even have good days, even if they’re less than stellar. Putting positive energies out to the world, really does seem to to come back ten-fold. I’m sure that with the kind of news I had been getting this last week, even better things will be coming this way for me, and my family. By family, I mean the one’s I’m related too, and the one’s I choose to call family. Many of those, have been such a huge inspiration and great support for me. I want to thank them for what they’ve given me.

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. I want to thank the most inspirational women in my life. My mom, for being there for me through everything. Even if we don’t talk everyday, knowing that you’re there if I need you is enough. My wife, the woman who puts up with my shit and has for the last eighteen years. She’s helped make me the man I am today. The long nights of doing my school work. The long days I had to be at work. The days that I just wanted to give up. She’s been my foundation. To my Echo, my best friend, I love you because you’ve given me just as much support as Sarah, and you’re the person who sees through my bullshit, and will tell me to get my head out of my ass.

If you have your mother, or a mother figure. Thank her for being there for you. Let her know that she’s love and you appreciate that she’s given of herself to raise you. Those who’s mother’s might not be around, remember the things that she’s taught you and give her the tribute that is fitting for her memory.

My gift to my wife started yesterday, as I took her out to lunch on her lunch break, and it continues as we go for a hike with a picnic tomorrow. I’m having a co-worker and his family join us tomorrow, so that’s going to be new and exciting, since I don’t really hang out with too many co-workers. He’s told me about his wife, and I think that we’ll get along with our shared interests in the geek culture.

Be good everyone, and have a safe Sunday. This is the Director and that’s a wrap.

A Week Until Four Months

I have about a week until my four month check up. Damn what a ride this year has been already, as a matter of fact, my size forty-six waist size us getting too big for me. With that comes the fact that I’ve been so busy, and I’ll admit that I kind of slacked off this week. After the craziness of con weekend, I think I deserved a bit of rest. As I sit here, I’m thinking about a conversation I had with my friend Curtis, and the fact that I thought after school I would have a bit of time off for relaxation….

Relaxation, what a load of shit that turned out to be. Not that life going full force isn’t fun, I just thought that I’d have a bit of time to chill during the weekends. Looking at this weekend, it was nice to have a moment to enjoy and sleep in my own bed without doing much, and that was the point, but looking at the rest of the month I have one out of four weekends free, and then I’ve committed to spend time with some of the most awesome people and watch a movie. I’m looking forward to that, as some time to relax with good people.

Keeping busy at least keeps me active. Friday we head one direction for some business, and then on Saturday we have to head in the opposite direction for my four month check up. Plus I’m adding to my weekly routine with my personal trainer this week(hopefully). I have some freelance business to do. I have a conference call tomorrow, I’m excited to see how that is going to turn out.

I’m also busy with some overtime this month at the regular job, and realizing that I have to work the weekend of  Avengers: Infinity War isn’t exactly the thing I wanted on my plate. Especially since I’ve been eager for this movie for two years, but the next weekend will get my money for sure.

Let’s get back to the weight loss journey at hand, while I haven’t weighed myself this week, because of my appointment on Saturday, I feel like I’m down a few more pounds. I saw a friend this weekend, and she told me that I looked so different since the last time she saw me. Again, that’s always a great confidence boost.

It’s funny that the closer I get to being at the -100 pound mark, the more determined I feel about loosing the weight. I figured that over all I have to lose between 220-240 to be at the ultimate goal. As an adult, if I would have been asked, I wouldn’t have ever dreamed of it being a reality, but no shit, this is happening. I’m cranking up the motivation again this week as I’m going to be hitting those 10k steps several times over this week.

Again, this all depends on what all happens to me this week, as with having to get in a couple of hours in for late night overtime at some point, this week? Plus the freelance meetings that I have, then the traveling out of town for a couple of days. There really isn’t enough hours in the day anymore. Yet I will prevail!

One of the things I’ve been doing since graduation is that I’ve been job searching, and I’ve added blogger, and health and wellness to the experience. I love how life is giving me the experience that I need to be better in the professional world.

So, my advice for anyone who seems to be unmotivated or unsure of what they want to do, or where they want to be; all I can say is that it get easier. I remember that after I had my surgery, 10,000 steps seemed so hard to reach. As a matter of fact, I could barely get to 5,000. You’ve seen the stats, you’ve read about the journey. It gets easier, and once you figure that out. You’ll notice when you start to slack. Remember that the biggest trick to weight loss is the fact that it’s a mental game. Keep it there, because once you do. The physical part becomes so much easier. Remember the old cliche: Mind over matter. No shit! It’s true, and that’s the reason I’ve been so successful in this journey. The positivity, the motivation, all of it was my choice.

Reach inside yourself and find that which is going to motivate you. It took me to feel like I was almost dying to take control of my life, and there isn’t anything I regret by doing the surgery. At the same time, I’m not going to lie, it takes work. Sure the weight starts to melt off and you get this false sense of confidence that it’ll be a cake walk. I think that’s why there are those who still fail, even after the surgery, but get that mind right, and tell yourself that you are in control, and make procrastination your bitch. In the end, you’ll thank yourself for the determination.

For too long, I let my depression, keep hold of me. Taking the time to change the way I think was one of the best things I’ve ever done. Now I rarely have a bad day. Even those days, aren’t so bad. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Phase 2: What’s Next?

As I seem to finally be getting all my “ducks in a row”, I can’t help but think of the growth that this month has brought me. First, I’ve really started getting into the free lance thing, and I’m currently building my connections to work with other people in the future. I should be doing more videos soon, and not just for the film side of things, but I also think that it’s about time for the CK Project to start coming out with somethings too.

Which leads me to the second “duck”. I’ve been really pushing the weight loss part of the project since before my surgery, and I stand firm on how I’m moving forward. The walking will continue, even if I’ve slacked for a couple of days. After all I did walk over thirty-one miles over the convention weekend. I’m so close to the one hundred pound mark that I’ll be excited if that’s where I’ll be weighing in at my four month check up.

I have to keep mindful of slacking off, because getting back into old habits isn’t hard to do. Even my studying has tapered off. In my defense, this has been a crazy month, and I’m getting back on track for things(notice the blog coming out today). I have to keep going, because there are other’s looking up to me as a role model. It’s crazy to think that I would be where I am right now in my life. Good thing that I’m doing my best to be a positive beacon.

I was having a conversation with a friend today, and she told me that my motivation and positive energy has affected her, and that she’s been trying to do more for her family. I’m glad that I could help. That’s the turning point for me, when I decided that I wanted to help others and not just myself. That’s just part of the mental change for me.

Speaking of the mental change, I’m having more problems focusing at my current job, because there’s more passion in the other side in my life. I can’t wait to be dealing with that side full-time, and be able to get paid for it. I’m not trying to get rich by any means, but I know that I can do better than I have now, and I can support my family better. At this, I have moments that I feel my patience is wavering. Which another friend says that it seems like it would be common for my situation.

I think that losing the weight has also helped me mentally. Now I’m not so down on myself because I’m feeling trapped in my body. I’m actually feeling different, with the way I stand, my confidence(which on a side note, hasn’t really ever been a problem), and overall, I’m feeling better in health than I have in the last fifteen years.

I love how people are encouraging me, and telling me to keep it up. I kind of think that it’s funny that people would say that too me. This has been a lot of work, even with the surgery, don’t you think that I would want to keep it off. I’ve been fat most of my life, I’m ready for the time I’m not shaped like the Kool-aid man. Believe me, I’ve seen some people kind of stop doing what it takes to keep off the weight, and it isn’t worth it to me, in my book.

Finally, I’m getting my geek media started. The Geekultural Expereince. This was something that I’ve wanted to do for a long time, but I never really had a name for it. The last name we had was Geek on Geek, but I realized that’s kind of over done, and I wanted something more unique, and why not. Geek, Culture, Experience; it just made sense to me. Look for the first pod cast this weekend, and we’ll be dropping it on Saturday, March thirty-first.

This was just a small update, and as always, this is the director and that’s a wrap.

Viva Las Graduation, I Lost Something….

Well, Friday I graduated from Los Angeles Film School and went to Las Vegas to celebrate with Sarah and my girl Echo. I’d like to share Friday’s ceremony though. It started at noon, and there was about three sets of groups that graduated. I was in the second group of Digital Filmmaking students. I want to say that we were one of the first groups that graduated from the online portion of the school.

The occasion was bitter sweet, but was made better by the fact that I was able to graduate with the most important people in my life; my parents, my children, Sarah, and Echo. We were able to take a few minutes and give a speech, so I thanked the people who came with me, and some of my production crew, and the school for being there for me in the time of need.

I still have more that I wanted to say: This is our time, this is the time that the industry is changing, and it’s our responsibility to usher in the new wave of equality, and bash out the corrupt power that takes advantage of the less powerful. Whatever color, creed, sexual orientation, we are equal, and that’s the way it should be. I’ve been blessed with a great group of people that I’ve been able to work with and meet. The network is just going to get bigger, and I can’t wait to work with the new friends that I’ve made on this journey, and share the ideas with like minds.

The ceremony ended around two o’clock, I said good-bye to the parents and kids. Then I took the ladies to Las Vegas…let me tell you something…going from Hollywood to Vegas really sucks ass. It turned out to be a seven plus hour drive, we got there closer to ten, and I was tired from driving. So, that shot any adventures on Friday, but Saturday was better, and we rushed to get a last bit done on Sunday, and still didn’t get home and done until eleven that night. What should have been a three and a half hour drive was pushed up by about two more hours by delays, and slow traffic. Alas, Sarah and I made it home safe, regardless of the bullshit traffic that happened.

I had to take care of a few medical things today, some of them for work, others for my next check up on my sleeve. I weighed myself today and I lost another 3.5 pounds. That brings my total down by 90.2 pounds, which was even better to know that 339.7. The incredible part is that in about five pounds, I’ll be at the lowest that I’ve been in five years. God, it will feel good to be down one hundred pounds.

I got in about 40k steps this weekend over all and Saturday was the most with 25,357. 1,616 calories were burned, and 11.19 miles were traveled that day. So, I think my total caloric intake was well below that. It was fun, and I just kept trucking along.

My next check up is on the seventh of April. I’ll be almost four months out, and life is still getting easier everyday. I felt like I had lost a few pounds, and I’m thinking that I’ll be at my lowest in five years by that check up. I’m more excited that I’ll be doing great next weekend when we go to Wonder Con. I’m going to have to buy some more clothes soon, and they’ll be smaller. I think one hundred pounds is crazy, I’ve already lost, about the weight of my son. It almost feels unreal, when I contemplate it.

As I’m looking forward to geeking out next weekend, I’m keeping an open eye to figure out how I can become a professional at these conventions, as this is one of the many things I plan on doing. I know that separating the various aspects of my life is going to organize things better, but it also seems that I have to dedicate more time to each of those things to keep them going.

On a final note, the free lance work is great, and now being in charge of my client’s social media is giving me experience that can be applied to other jobs as well. I’ll share more about this undertaking as it develops more. It’s already put me in contact with industry professionals that I’m going to be learning from their experience, and it will help me become a more rounded person.

This is the director and that’s a wrap.

Phase Two Has Started.

Holy crap! The Los Angeles Film School’s campus was cool. I enjoyed being there, and I felt sad at the same time because the student journey that I’d been going on for the last three years is finally coming to an end. I mean I seriously wish that I could have visited the campus far earlier, and maybe taken some of my classes there.

Onward and upward then, and with that being said. I got my cap and gown. I also got my tickets for the  graduation. So….my time as a student is at the end and now I’ll be an alumni. The next evolution in the world of Chris Keeling is getting ready to start. Again, today was constructive because I got to also see my career advisor, and she’s setting me on a path to correct my resume, and social media so that I can become more appealing to for my career, and get those jobs that pay money. My free lance work is showing me that I can do well with this and I’m excited to see where things will take me.

One of the tasks that I’ve been put to do, is to actually get a full production crew that I can constantly work with on a continuous basis, and I think that I can find these people. One day, we’ll all get paid and that’s a guarantee. For now, it’s more about getting the experience, and applying what experience I have so that I can develop more of what I need to appeal to the mass population.

My walk kicked ass as I burned well over  1,000 calories, and over 16,000 steps today. I think that I have similar numbers tomorrow as this weekend’s adventures are not quite over yet. I still have my three month check up that I’m doing in the morning, and I think a bit more shopping for a few things before I can leave.

On the weight loss journey front, I had some jerky today, it’s been a while and I was almost nervous that it wasn’t going to agree with my stomach today. Considering the calories that I did burn today, I’m pretty sure that I hadn’t consumed enough to worry about over doing my limit of calories today. Sarah says that I probably could have had a few more. Things are really looking up, and I plan on continuing what I’m doing.

Next month, we plan on really getting the hiking group going. Sarah is going to be bringing her camera to take pictures as she needs to fill up her portfolio just as much as I do. Exercise and work are going to be going hand in hand, and I can’t wait until we make money from both.

Anyway, this has been a long day, and I think I’m gonna call this one a wrap.

10 Years And More Paperwork!

So, I have to do paperwork because I’ve been at my job for ten years. Being the well oiled machine that I work for, I’m having to answer things from years ago, and then there are things that I don’t ever think that I knew. All I can think is man…..I’ve been doing this for way too long.

It’s given me a time to reflect on where my life has been, and where I’m going. The past is a bit blurry because I’ve not always handled life in the best ways possible, but as I’ve gotten older, and gained tools, I’m getting better at it. I’ve hit a few very dark times, and part of doing this paper work has caused me to try and remember through those dark clouds. I’d like to say those thoughts are sunshine and rainbows, but a rain cloud with thunder and lightning would fit that much better.

“It builds character,” or so that’s what they saying goes. It proves that I’m a survivor, even if it fucked me up a bit along the way. I’m a survivor…that’s the key there. Even when I wanted life to end, or wanted to hide away and disappear, I made it through those times, and I’m better for it. I’ve gotten married to a great lady, who loves and supports me, and we’ve had some great kids together, who I’ve not always been the best towards as well. We’re not perfect, but I love this family of mine.

“It builds character,” at least I’ve been able to analyze this and help it become something more positive in my life. Being someone who’s had insecurity issues and depression issues throughout my life, has built a thicker skin than when I was a child. I’ve heard the insults that people have said about me behind my back, and to my front. Most of the time I laugh because I think of how lame some of the words are. I think to myself, can’t you come up with something a bit better than that? Hamburger boy? Fatty Mc Fat Fat… whatever fucking insult they make to have a laugh. If it was me, I’d go for the jugular, and that’s the sad part, because that’s what my situation molded me to be when I was younger. I know that I have a mean streak and a low tolerance of bullshit, but I do try to not let that side out most of the time.

“It builds character,” and that’s true. I think that it’s all in how we decide to let it form us. At a low point, I finally decided that I was going to do everything that I could so that I could be a beacon of positivity in this world. Too many want to beat other’s down because, like they say, “misery, loves company.” I think that’s too true, and I don’t want to be the one to add to that problem. The funny part is that during my last “dark time”, I was hating everything and everybody, myself especially. Some would think that I’m being positive for other people’s sakes, though the truth is that I’m doing it for me, because I don’t want to ever feel the way I did before. Plus I’m starting to get this feeling that the world gives back to you what you project, and I’m wanting to feel positive vibes instead of the negative vibes that I had felt.

I’m feeling the balance between mind and body these days. The focus is getting stronger, and the  motivation is being felt by others as well(see several previous post). Well, I have so much more info to get before I can finish my paperwork, and I’ve got some studying to do as well.  So this is the director and that’s a wrap.

Today(or Tomorrow? part 2)

Today was the real test….. After six weeks of being off of work I went back and put on my uniform. While I’ve noticed some changes in my body, and the movement I have, this was the real test, my uniform, which I have worn for the last ten years, showed me where I am physically. It’s huge on me, and I haven’t felt that way in a long time. It was amazing to feel that I’ve lost several pounds, and several inches. The pants make me feel like the Genie in Aladdin. That’s an accomplishment since over a month ago, things were a bit tight on me.

I came home and took a nap, but not because the day was hard, but because I couldn’t fall asleep until after eleven-forty. That doesn’t sound too bad, until you put into the context that I had to be up at four in the morning. At least when I did fall asleep, it was heavy, and nice. I think that getting back into a schedule is going to be good for me, even if I have to get up at four in the freaking morning. Three-thirty for those days I have to open busier spots. Have I mentioned how I hate getting up before six? True story.

Now, today ended up being kind of an easy day because we had more than enough coverage to man the spots that I work, and it was nice to have that for a first day back. As the day progressed, I saw many people who’ve been following my weight loss journey, and it was nice to be welcomed back. It was nicer to be told that I was looking good(and yes the ego feels satisfied). I’m trying to measure how many steps I take while at work so that I can do the math on my ten thousand steps, that I’m supposed to get in a day, also something that I haven’t quite made yet. At least my body held up, and standing for hours didn’t hurt so bad.

As the point that I made yesterday, I’m a different person, both physically, and mentally. I’m standing straighter, and I’m keeping a good attitude. Some days I think that it’s going to be hard to think that I will be, but at least it was a familiar feeling. Muscle memory maybe? All I know is that the routine, is going to help me get back the focus that I need. I think the saddest part of work is that most of the people I have become close to have left. Yes, I still have a few people that I really like, but my closest of friends have gone on to better things(which I’m proud of).

I’m going to take a week or two before I really start pushing myself and going to the gym after work, I feel that I just want to get back to used to standing for the long hours in the day before I decide to “kill” myself in the gym. I’m not trying to hurt myself, and I don’t want to do any internal damage, because of the staples in my stomach. I’m looking forward to dropping the next fifty pounds though. That would put me at a weight that I haven’t been since my almost seventeen year old was born.

At least I’m not allowing food to cope with my emotions. Yes, I still like to eat, but it’s no longer the same relationship that I once had with it. Life’s going to get more interesting and enjoyable this year. I plan on keeping up with getting the life I actually do deserve, both for me, and for my family.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Science? To What Degree?

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I got this beauty in the mail today. It’s my Bachelor of Science in Digital Filmmaking. I’ve busted my ass for the last three years to obtain this degree, and it the pay off is in the Magna Cum Laude. I’ve never wanted something so bad in my life. I was happy to be able to finally accomplish something at this level. Plus, it’s a major step in the direction to having a better life for me, and my family.

I guess I should give an explanation on why this is a milestone for me, with the fact that I usually would let myself get to a point of insecurity, and quit anything worth while because something got to hard. I would do everything I could just to get by in life. I had various passions in my life, but I would squander them and waste the talent that I had. Now things are different.

I had to have that kick in the ass to get myself going, and while some people think that going after my passions and gaining the skills of a filmmaker might be considered a “waste of time”, I beg to differ because, film can go towards so many other things besides doing movies. Yes, I do movies, and I plan to keep on doing visual story telling, while doing other work with my degree in the real world. I have a plan.

The degree is step one, step two is getting myself healthy and since I’ve had the gastric sleeve, I’m feeling much better about myself. These will continue to help me build the brands that I’ve been working on for the last few years and I plan on doing far more things in life. Currently the third step is getting myself that other employment to help support my family and help make the movies that we will be making.

I’m sure after the third step I will have other plans starting to come to the forefront and those plans will be revealed as I continue on this course that I’ve taken for the rest of my life. I’m motivated to live my life and not be stuck playing video games all the time, and let time be wasted away. I love how life is finally turning around, and making me a better person. I will be sharing more as I go along. This is the director and that’s a wrap.

Give Me That Boss Level XP

Let me start off by saying that today didn’t go quite like I expected it too. We were supposed to film backstage footage for the first flash back of Nash Gray, but illness has gone through a few of my cast members(and it was running so smoothly too). So, today caused a break in filming, and I’m okay with that because the next few weekends are going to be quite busy for me in other aspects besides school. Instead, it gave me some time to come to the studio and make plans for when we do next shoot(silver linings people), and it has given me sometime to actually sit down to work on my rough cut of the film(kind of useful, killing two birds with one stone). That’s when the concern started hitting me.

As I got what footage I have for the beginning, I discovered that right before I get to the first flash back, I’m already at the four minute mark. I’m concerned because there are things that I still need to film, and I only have fifteen minutes to tell my story. Do I go ahead and finish filming the scene I was supposed to film today? Or do I cut it all together? Truth of the matter, I’m not sure how I’m feeling about the pace of what I have so far as it is, and I’m sure I can shave things down to make it flow better, but what if I have to cut that bitch up a bit to make it flow better? I’m not even completely sure where to start looking to trim that fat.

The one thing I do know is that I really want to film everything and give the fifteen minutes to my project, and then go back for an extended cut that has everything in it. I know that I’m biased by saying that I love this project, and the characters are wonderful as well. The other problem that I face is that waiting on finishing my film is kind of cutting into my editing time, which I’m trying to think of ways to just edit what I have and fill in the gaps as I can, I might be able to solve that problem, and I do have an idea of what I need to do first.

Again I will say that this has been the most amazing experience ever, and I don’t think that I’m all that surprised that I ran into a snag towards the end of this project. Actually, I was kind of expecting this to happen somewhere, I just thought our last day of filming was going to be that day. I’m a creative problem solver, so I’m sure I’ll get a solution before the end of the weekend. I just sent a text out to help solve part of this issue.

I have however thought of another way to use my time…. I think that I’m going to go ahead and also work on said scripts that I’ve been working on the last couple of days, and use this time to relax a bit. It’s crazy that I’ve been running on full steam for so long that I’m not completely sure what to do, but I think playing video games and watching movies are part of that plan. Something might give me an inspiration, and I’m looking for that almost anywhere anymore. I went to my son’s awards assembly and here a name called. Arizona Smith, and I thought that it sounded like the wife of Indiana Jones. I’m not sure if I’m ready to write an adventure genre yet, but you never know.

While not filmmaking related, I do want to give a huge shout out to my wife, as we are celebrating our seventeenth year of our first date. She’s a better person than I, because I wouldn’t put up with the shit I do. I’m too ornery, and there’s been too many tears shed because I’ve done something stupid. Alas, I love you my wife, and as long as you continue to join me on this crazy ride, I’ll welcome the company. You’ve been with me through many ups and downs, and now you have a husband who’s been more driven to do things now, than ever. She supports me, and I try to support her as well, but I don’t think I’m nearly as good at it as she is.

Two months of school left and then into the great unknown. I have a few job prospects, and surprisingly is has nothing to do with the Hollywood Dream, not that I’m apposed to the idea, but I’m really liking being able to create my own content, or working with someone else on the creative process. I might still look for something to crew for on a big movie, I just don’t think I’m in a big rush for that. Right now, it’s all about taking it one step at a time, and I don’t want to get sloppy in my growth process.

Another thing going on is that we are going to be doing a change of venues for our studio, and that’s going to put us out of a studio for several months, but I do plan on still doing things, even if it has to be from the house itself. I’m sure things are going to be awesome afterward, because we’ll have more space to play in and it’s going to be built from the essential ground up. The beautiful part of that is that I get to say how it gets designed, and I look forward to adding studio lighting too it(even if it’s expensive, which it is). I guess that also means that I’ll have to become extremely proficient in green screen since that plan is to paint the walls that way. It’s both exciting, and going to be so much work, but the reward will be reaped once everything is done, and who ever said that if it was worth doing, that it would be easy. Not a cliche that I’ve heard. I know that hard work’s the only way things will work, and I’ve proven that I’m not afraid of it because I went to school with my fists swinging to get this done.

This looks like it’s going to be another wrap from me, the Director.

 

You Can’t Catch The Time That Flew

What a weekend this has been! I can’t believe that I’ve been going strong all weekend long. Friday, we filmed. Saturday, we did a Parade of 1000 Flags, and an event for the Relay for Life, with a car show, and fund raiser. I only stated part way because I was uploading the dailies from Friday(which means a timeline of all the footage filmed), and I tried to get my homework for the week down. Today, we filmed, and I’m uploading my dailies from today, as a matter of fact, they are encoding right now.

So, with that being said, there were lesson learned this weekend from the director/filmmakers point of view. One, maybe plan on being on site a couple hours early, because things can take longer than expected, when getting started. It felt like we were running behind schedule every shoot day that we had. I think we could have better planned it, and maybe with more people with a larger skill pool might be able to get everything done on set sooner.

Second thing learned- it doesn’t hurt to quadruple check-in and make sure everyone is on the same page(I hate when people flake out). I get that this being a non-paid gig, might turn people off from working, but if you say that you will, please be a person of your word. I’m trying to get to the point of actually making money while doing this, and being able to pay people to film my projects.

Third, plan on filming only a few scenes per day, I think that what I was doing and with all the shots and angles, I felt like I didn’t quite get everything filmed the way I wanted, but at least I do have some good choices to pick from. I had to drop part of the scene, but having extra batteries and memory cards will help with that. I think we over worked the machinery.

Fourth, I discovered that I don’t have time for unprofessionalism on my set, while I love who I work with, I’m too focused to have to deal with people goofing off during filming. I mean seriously, I’m trying to make a name for myself, and this is my calling card to get there. Help me get my calling card and I’ll be able to pay you.

Fifth, with this crew I’m working with, I have a few new people and it really is becoming a well oiled team. I’m glad to bring in the people that I have. My cinematographer has brought an experienced eye to the game, and it’s seemed to bring my game up a bit, and I’m proud of the way we work together. I think it took to first day to find our rhythm, but I think we’re on the verge of getting things done at a better pace.

The final thing I’m really discovering is that post production is going to be the saving grace, because we can fix our mistakes there. Also, my cinematographer has experience there and we’ll be able to have a productive work flow there. I can’t say that I’ve ever been this excited and nervous about doing a project in my life. It started to feel a bit overwhelming, but I’ve gained confidence in the process and the support that I have behind me.

As a side note, learning the financial part of getting this movie made is also a wondrous experience, and this is something that I can put in my hat for the next big project. This is the director, coming off of the first week of filming #NashGray, and that’s a wrap.

Aw Man, What Was I Thinking

I’m glad the I decided to start my own production company. I love being my own boss, but a the same time, I’m looking to go out there and work for other people. Especially since I want the experience so that I can become a better filmmaker in my own right. I’ve gotten the chance to pick with kinds of projects that I work on, and this has been the most fun experience that I’ve had as a professional. There are days though that seem like they might just be too much.

Because I decided to go on in this business venture, it’s not been the easiest of choices. Now as I come to the closing chapters of my schooling and getting that degree, I’ve come to the point where I need to start focusing on becoming a business person as well. There have been challenges in this aspect, and I’m contemplating decisions that I might not like making, but it comes with the territory.

The other part of this is the fact that “anything worth doing, is never easy”. What truth that quote holds. You try and do the right thing, say like adopt a child in need. That’s difficult in and of itself. Deciding on a major career change, is a challenge when you’ve been doing something for so long, that is all you feel you’re qualified for.  Being in love and making that work, is not always the easiest thing to do either. Yet, there are reason’s that drive us to do these things.

Weight loss surgery is something else I’ve decided on, because being a person who feels trapped in a body that I didn’t bargain for is how I feel. I can’t move as much as I like, I hate the way I look in pictures, and I don’t like that all the clothes I can wear are expensive as hell. I don’t like looking at myself in the mirror. So, I have a very negative look on my own self image, and I hide it with an over confident attitude. It’s worked for me so far, and I know that charisma is something I do have.

I also know that these decisions that I’v made in the last few years are going to put me in a financial spot that I’m going to have to overcome, but I have faith that I will, because that’s always been the story of my life. I’ve got to have that drive to keep going, because I’ve got responsibilities, and that drive is always good for the artist. Yes, it may mean that I have to put that much extra work to get there, but I’ll do what I must.

So, this is my determination: I’m going to lose the weight and change my life style to maintain the weight loss. I’m going to do everything in my power to become the best damn filmmaker that I can. I’ll go ahead and do what I can to learn from professionals and craft my trade of choice. I can’t just let the haters win, who said that I needed to get real and go get a “practical job”. I need to get that career that betters my station and ignore the comments of being a part of the “hamburger brothers”.

I’m going to do this so that I can show my kids that it’s not bad to want something and work hard for it. I’ve always been able to make friends, and have some of the best people believe in me, so I don’t want to disappoint them, and I want to show them my gratitude for being the supports they are. I want to be able to provide better for my family because we should have to feel trapped in a situation that needs growth. I want to let my loved one’s know that I do love them, and I want to be there for them. I want to feel like a better person than I sometimes do.

While there are good things, I know that I’ve had many negative people come into my life and plant those seeds of doubt. I’m here to send them all away because all they’ve ever done was motivate me even more. Drive me more, make me successful, that’s what I want. I do what I have to, in both survival, and supporting my family. I will prevail.

This is the director and that is a wrap. https://igg.me/at/ZmRcVWz8R24/x/17178142 Support this.