The Long Awaited Update

Twelve days is a long time to update. Part of it was due to technical difficulty, and part of it was due to the fact that I started working a new schedule this last week at work. Adjusting from a morning start time, to an afternoon start time has thrown off my schedule. It’s weird when you do something for a certain time for a number of years, just to try and something new, it’s a major adjustment.

So, I took my girls up north to San Jose for a Paramour concert last weekend. Foster the People headlined with them, and I wasn’t quite able to catch the name of the opening act, but I’m gonna research when I have some time. The whole concert was amazing, and we were in the lawn section, the only bad part was that vapors and joints were getting lit up and blown everywhere. I have a seventeen-year-old who has asthma, so that made the experience for her less than pleasant. At least she enjoyed the show, and as a parent, I get a joy in the heart watching my kids be happy. Even if I spent the total of six hours each way to get there and get home.

The drive really kicked my ass, but it was nice to explore somewhere I’d never been before.

So, for the last ten years of my job, I’ve worked from five in the morning to around three in the afternoon. I’ll be the first to admit that I hate getting up before six, and four o’clock has been the norm for me for so long. I started the swing shift this week. I’m glad that I can get up with out an alarm, but I’m finding my day starting at one, and ending at eleven to be a bit of an adjustment. This is why I haven’t been so active this last week on social media, plus our internet was out(damn technology).

Because of this adjustment, I’ve been trying to spend as much time with the kids before school starts again, because they’re so used to me being home and spending the evenings and nights with them. I love my kids, and they grow up so damn fast. Hell, I can’t believe that school is almost back in session.

Let’s get on too the real reason people tend to follow my blog, for the weight loss journey aspect of it. I had to adjust my training sessions, so now I do Tuesdays and Thursdays at nine-thirty. I actually like working out earlier in the day, I just hate not being able to help with the grappling class.

I did notice that I lost a few more pounds and that I’m about 304.7. I’m hoping to see the numbers under 300 by my next check-up in two weeks. It would be amazing to be a weight that I was or less, than when I was first in my relationship with Sarah. My workouts are getting more intense and I’m lifting heavier as well. I’m getting stronger, and I actually added a third day, by going to the gym today. It was fun, because I got to take Little Chris and teach him some lifting exercises. Not only is it a great bonding experience, but it’s fun to share the passion of lifting with him.

I’m hoping that this upcoming week is the week that I find a new rhythm at work. The pace is way different, but my new crew is awesome, so it makes work enjoyable. I have a few more things getting lined up for projects, one being a documentary, which I can’t quite get into the details quite yet, but it’s going to be powerful once we start working on it. Also, we’re starting to film our first post school project next weekend, and with the business meetings going on this weekend, it feels good to get things going again.

This is the director and that’s a wrap.

Keeping The Faith Two Pounds At A Time

I went to my seventh month check up yesterday. As of what I’ve been weighing myself, it was a two-point-one pound gain. The doctor’s records show that I lost five pounds since my last visit. Two pounds isn’t very much, and that could have gone in either direction. It could have been the poop I didn’t get in before, or just the water that I’ve been consuming. Even better, it could be the fact that I weighed in on a different scale than I have been using for my two week weigh ins. Plus it had only been a week since I last checked myself. I figure that it doesn’t really count, but for the sake of transparency, I’m putting it out there for everybody.

I had a five-day weekend and I’m not gonna lie, work is killing my mood. I really don’t want to battle the 110 degree heat tomorrow. With that I challenged myself to a six-day ten thousand step challenge. I did well, until I woke up and realized that the vibrations from the fan on my desk made it look like I walked over 57,000 steps in an eight hour period. That just threw everything off for me, but to be honest, the heat was whooping my ass anyway, and I’ll take the sixth day as failed, but I still got in over 50,000 steps in the last five-days, hell more like 60,0000.

I have two weeks until my schedule at work shifts from a 5am-3pm time slot to a 1pm-11pm time slot. I have mixed feelings about this. The negative side is that I’ll spend less time with the kids, and that kills me with helping them out during they’re grappling sessions. It’s a bit weird because I’ve been on the day schedule for the last ten years. That makes me a little nervous, yet being someone who always tries to look for a silver lining, the biggest positive comes to mind… I don’t have to get up at four in the morning anymore. I know it might seem a bit strange that I would feel that way, but God I hate getting up at anytime before six. Hell, I could even handle getting up about five-five-thirty, but there’s just something about four o’clock that I just don’t like doing. I mean, I usually can’t convince myself to get into bed before ten at night anyway, so that might have something to do with it.

Other big news, is I finally heard back from one of the jobs that I’ve been trying to get. They said that they were gonna see about getting me an interview, and that was still up to the higher boss on that. This is what I’ve been wanting for so long, yet there’s that part of me that is afraid that I’m not good enough. Yeah, I do realize that it sounds a bit silly, but that’s the mind of someone who’s had low self-esteem issues for the better part of my life. I also know that I’m not the only one who’s had those types of thoughts. I really hope that things go the way, I’d like them too.

Also, we’re just about ready to film The Reunion. We had a final production meeting on it, and we’re currently going to be getting a reading in, having to work around everyone’s schedule. So, with all the parties notified, we should be filming on August fourth. I’m excited to get this going, as it brings the crew back together for another fun time. This month is turning into craziness though, as Friday the thirteenth, I’m taking the wife out of town for our seventeen year anniversary. Then, next weekend we take the oldest up north about five hours for a Paramour concert. This is going to be an exciting adventure.

I’m glad to be able to be busy doing all these things, and right before my schedule change too. I  think that things are going to be more interesting from here on out, and I plan on working on getting several things done within the next several months, so that I can help boost my demo reel with professional work as well.

Be good to each other, this is the Director, and that’s a wrap.

Lost Words

As someone who tries to have a positive word, I find myself sometimes stumped on the right words to say. I’ve been struggling with finding the right words to put someone’s mind at rest. I’ve tried tell them that everything’s going to be okay, but I’m not sure that those are the words, they want to hear. I know that we’ve been trying to move forward with getting something together so that we can start filming, and I know that we will. It’s just finding the proper rhythm, and getting the cogs to function together takes time.

Sure, I would expect far more if we were getting paid to produce something. That’s kind of the ugly part about being the guy in charge. However, with this all being voluntary, I’m personally not expecting things to work right away. I appreciate everyone who does donate their time to helping me, and being part of the team.  It’s supposed to be fun, right? And that’s the feeling that I’m going to continue to have, even if we have a few hiccups along the way.

I get the frustrations that things aren’t moving forward fast enough. Hell, I’ve spent the last year, trying to get head way on a new profession, and I’m just now seeing a real glimmer of hope. Truth is, I too want to have something that we can get into pre-production, and I know we will…even if it takes a bit longer to get there. I’ve got a talented group of people working with me, and it’s just getting the right thing to start moving forward. I know that’s going to happen soon.

This weekend is a four day weekend for me, and I think that I’m going to have one productive weekend, as I work on projects, that I’ve not had all the time to focus on. I know that more script writing will be involved, and I love the process.

For a change of subject; I was realizing today that I’m about a week away from my six month mark for my surgery. God, this has been an interesting ride, to say the least. I already feel like a new man, and I can’t wait to see where this ride is going to take me. Even at my surgery weight of 400.1 pounds, I’ve already lost eighty-two, that’s crazy. This last year was all about me busting my ass off. No regrets, whatsoever.

I can’t wait to have my studio done so that I can produce more of the regular video’s that I did when we were renting the studio. It was so much fun getting those videos in. Even from that time period, things have vastly changed. As I reflect on that time period, I’ve realized that I’m not the same person I was a year ago.

I think there’s a certain maturity in that. My motivation, my drive, it’s all on a different level now. As much as I like my video games, and watching television, I just don’t feel like I have the time anymore. I feel like I have even less time for bullshit, as I’m working on achieving my dreams of being a successful film director.

It’s amazing to see how I’ve grown as a storyteller as well. Believe it or not, blogging has helped me be a better writer, and storyteller. I remember when I thought coming up with 500 words felt like such a struggle to accomplish. When I started, I’d average about 300-400 words, and I would be done telling my story.

I still feel days that blogging is a chore, but the truth is, it has gotten so much easier to write thoughts, and put the details done as I go along. I even called to talk to someone about how they could improve their script writing last night. It was a great moment to share my experience… I sometimes can’t believe it’s my life that I’m living still. I almost feel that it’s an outer body experience at times. Someday reality will hit me that I’m the one doing all this stuff, I’m sure of it.

Any way, this is the director, and that’s a wrap!

Struck By Motivation

So, I decided that I was going to make my 10,000 steps today. My current total is 13,054 steps for the day. Which means I’ve traveled 5.8 miles and burned 772 Calories. Not bad for a Tuesday. The one thing that I noticed today is that I’m feeling a slight pull in the back on my right hamstring. I think that I need to stretch it out, and I hope that helps.

With life going at such a fast pace, I’ve felt that I had a few weeks of lost motivation. I know that it’s a normal response to lose motivation. You can’t always go 100% all the time without a bit of fatigue. I was there creatively as well, but I’m finding that extra motivation to continue to work on that as well. The lack of motivation was just a phase, but it was a habit that I had been comfortable with for a long time.

As I sit here and write this, I think about how I would come home and just play video games, or watch television. I don’t really do those things like I used too. It’s funny to reflect on how I was at this time last year, and to see where I am mentally now. I like to create, that’s something I’ve been a fan of most of my life. Music, stories, poetry, I’ve always had a hand in something creative. Maybe that’s why I’m coming into a place in my life where I’m feeling fulfilled with the things that I work on.

My team should have some stories out that we can look at shooting, and I’m excited to see where this newly formed machine is going to take us. While it’s true that I’ve worked with almost everyone in some form, the relationship of this team is still relatively new. This both excites me, and makes me nervous, because I want this to succeed.

It’s not just that I want the production company to succeed, I want this team to prosper as well. Sometimes I start to fear that ego might get in the way, and that is something I’m trying to avoid. I have enough self-doubt that crosses my mind every so often. Yes, I know that my depression tries to sabotage me, and I have to get reassurance that everything is okay. I guess that’s the emotional side of me. I do try and keep it in check though, and I hate when the creative process seems to be hindered. At least what we’ve done so far, has helped put the team on a better level of understanding.

I know one of the projects that I need to start is to work on an outline for The CK Project. With me down over 110 pounds, I think that we need to start documenting the rest of the transformation, and get some motivational words on video. It’s an idea, that I’ve had, and I did a few small videos before the surgery. The only after surgery videos have come out on Facebook and Snapchat. Part of the goal is to impliment them more as well.

 I’m finding success documenting the weight loss journey through Instagram, and I’ve made several contacts with others on this journey through social media. These people have my full support, and those who I’ve talked too in the real world are getting behind The CK Project. As soon as I get the next prototype for the shirt, if I like it, I’ll be getting them availible to the public, and I know my trainer, Sam Basco, is one of the first customers.

Speaking of Sam, I took my kids too one on his youth grappling classes yesterday, and they seemed to enjoy themselves. I get such a joy watching my children do new things and have fun with social interaction. I find a fasination and pride watching them try their hardest. I think that’s how most parent’s are. I look forward to seeing where my family’s relationship with Flawless Victory MMA  is going to go. The coaches are great, and very supportive in the growth of physical health and the MMA profession.

Sam is also going to help my wife rehab her arm, and get both strength and range of motion back into it. We spent several hours in the emergancy room, just to get meds, and no real examination. I feel that it’s kind of frustrating, when you would expect a medical professional to take the time to examine the problem, but instead say that it’s common, give us a perscription, and send us on our way. That was a huge waste of five hours of our time, but at least she did get something to help.

Professionally, I think that this or next week, I’ll start hearing from the moves that I’m trying to make. I’m really excited about this because, I’m ready to move on and grow into new things(That is why I went to school). I’m trying to keep positive about everything, and while I’ve faultered at times, I do think that the pay off’s going to be big, and I’ve got an eye in three different places for the same kind of job.

Anyway, things are really looking up. I had a rough moment this weekend, but feel better as my point was made. I just need to learn to control the emotions behind it a bit better. So, this is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Productive Saturday

Today, I got up and I walked five miles. I got over 11,000 steps before eleven-thirty this morning. What a way to start my day! After that, I spent most of the day with my son. We got to enjoy watching Avengers: Infinity War (2018) for the second time. Then we had a meeting with people who we are introducing to our creative team.

Allow me to expound on how I felt about Infinity War. As much as I love Marvel Studios, I think that they’ve gotten better over this last year. This movie was not only well balanced, but it proved that they could make a massive movie without losing the story. I’m excited by what the next few movies are going to add to the narrative. I’m sure that part four is going to so answers to the questions and consequences to the actions of this movie. Best movie so far.

So, I have a few creative minds in my group of friends, and some of us share like minded goals. I brought in someone who had worked with me on Nash Gray(2017)  and a mutual friend for a meeting to see if they would work to help on the creative writing side of things. This is especially important because I “apparently” have too many things going on. From trying to make money from my brands. Too working every other aspect that is involved with them. So this is something that I think will help expedite the process of getting something going while I get my priorities straight. I’ll admit that sometimes I can’t just seem to do one thing at a time, but I will get it figured out.

Now on to the weight loss journey that I’ve been on for over five months.32349505_2059831254272472_1460137951194251264_o

I’ve lost over one hundred and seven pounds. I’ve dropped down ten pants sizes. I feel incredible. My confidence has sky rocketed. All in all, life is going good.

I’m always so amazed by how good life has been going. I even have good days, even if they’re less than stellar. Putting positive energies out to the world, really does seem to to come back ten-fold. I’m sure that with the kind of news I had been getting this last week, even better things will be coming this way for me, and my family. By family, I mean the one’s I’m related too, and the one’s I choose to call family. Many of those, have been such a huge inspiration and great support for me. I want to thank them for what they’ve given me.

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. I want to thank the most inspirational women in my life. My mom, for being there for me through everything. Even if we don’t talk everyday, knowing that you’re there if I need you is enough. My wife, the woman who puts up with my shit and has for the last eighteen years. She’s helped make me the man I am today. The long nights of doing my school work. The long days I had to be at work. The days that I just wanted to give up. She’s been my foundation. To my Echo, my best friend, I love you because you’ve given me just as much support as Sarah, and you’re the person who sees through my bullshit, and will tell me to get my head out of my ass.

If you have your mother, or a mother figure. Thank her for being there for you. Let her know that she’s love and you appreciate that she’s given of herself to raise you. Those who’s mother’s might not be around, remember the things that she’s taught you and give her the tribute that is fitting for her memory.

My gift to my wife started yesterday, as I took her out to lunch on her lunch break, and it continues as we go for a hike with a picnic tomorrow. I’m having a co-worker and his family join us tomorrow, so that’s going to be new and exciting, since I don’t really hang out with too many co-workers. He’s told me about his wife, and I think that we’ll get along with our shared interests in the geek culture.

Be good everyone, and have a safe Sunday. This is the Director and that’s a wrap.

A Week Until Four Months

I have about a week until my four month check up. Damn what a ride this year has been already, as a matter of fact, my size forty-six waist size us getting too big for me. With that comes the fact that I’ve been so busy, and I’ll admit that I kind of slacked off this week. After the craziness of con weekend, I think I deserved a bit of rest. As I sit here, I’m thinking about a conversation I had with my friend Curtis, and the fact that I thought after school I would have a bit of time off for relaxation….

Relaxation, what a load of shit that turned out to be. Not that life going full force isn’t fun, I just thought that I’d have a bit of time to chill during the weekends. Looking at this weekend, it was nice to have a moment to enjoy and sleep in my own bed without doing much, and that was the point, but looking at the rest of the month I have one out of four weekends free, and then I’ve committed to spend time with some of the most awesome people and watch a movie. I’m looking forward to that, as some time to relax with good people.

Keeping busy at least keeps me active. Friday we head one direction for some business, and then on Saturday we have to head in the opposite direction for my four month check up. Plus I’m adding to my weekly routine with my personal trainer this week(hopefully). I have some freelance business to do. I have a conference call tomorrow, I’m excited to see how that is going to turn out.

I’m also busy with some overtime this month at the regular job, and realizing that I have to work the weekend of  Avengers: Infinity War isn’t exactly the thing I wanted on my plate. Especially since I’ve been eager for this movie for two years, but the next weekend will get my money for sure.

Let’s get back to the weight loss journey at hand, while I haven’t weighed myself this week, because of my appointment on Saturday, I feel like I’m down a few more pounds. I saw a friend this weekend, and she told me that I looked so different since the last time she saw me. Again, that’s always a great confidence boost.

It’s funny that the closer I get to being at the -100 pound mark, the more determined I feel about loosing the weight. I figured that over all I have to lose between 220-240 to be at the ultimate goal. As an adult, if I would have been asked, I wouldn’t have ever dreamed of it being a reality, but no shit, this is happening. I’m cranking up the motivation again this week as I’m going to be hitting those 10k steps several times over this week.

Again, this all depends on what all happens to me this week, as with having to get in a couple of hours in for late night overtime at some point, this week? Plus the freelance meetings that I have, then the traveling out of town for a couple of days. There really isn’t enough hours in the day anymore. Yet I will prevail!

One of the things I’ve been doing since graduation is that I’ve been job searching, and I’ve added blogger, and health and wellness to the experience. I love how life is giving me the experience that I need to be better in the professional world.

So, my advice for anyone who seems to be unmotivated or unsure of what they want to do, or where they want to be; all I can say is that it get easier. I remember that after I had my surgery, 10,000 steps seemed so hard to reach. As a matter of fact, I could barely get to 5,000. You’ve seen the stats, you’ve read about the journey. It gets easier, and once you figure that out. You’ll notice when you start to slack. Remember that the biggest trick to weight loss is the fact that it’s a mental game. Keep it there, because once you do. The physical part becomes so much easier. Remember the old cliche: Mind over matter. No shit! It’s true, and that’s the reason I’ve been so successful in this journey. The positivity, the motivation, all of it was my choice.

Reach inside yourself and find that which is going to motivate you. It took me to feel like I was almost dying to take control of my life, and there isn’t anything I regret by doing the surgery. At the same time, I’m not going to lie, it takes work. Sure the weight starts to melt off and you get this false sense of confidence that it’ll be a cake walk. I think that’s why there are those who still fail, even after the surgery, but get that mind right, and tell yourself that you are in control, and make procrastination your bitch. In the end, you’ll thank yourself for the determination.

For too long, I let my depression, keep hold of me. Taking the time to change the way I think was one of the best things I’ve ever done. Now I rarely have a bad day. Even those days, aren’t so bad. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Phase 2: What’s Next?

As I seem to finally be getting all my “ducks in a row”, I can’t help but think of the growth that this month has brought me. First, I’ve really started getting into the free lance thing, and I’m currently building my connections to work with other people in the future. I should be doing more videos soon, and not just for the film side of things, but I also think that it’s about time for the CK Project to start coming out with somethings too.

Which leads me to the second “duck”. I’ve been really pushing the weight loss part of the project since before my surgery, and I stand firm on how I’m moving forward. The walking will continue, even if I’ve slacked for a couple of days. After all I did walk over thirty-one miles over the convention weekend. I’m so close to the one hundred pound mark that I’ll be excited if that’s where I’ll be weighing in at my four month check up.

I have to keep mindful of slacking off, because getting back into old habits isn’t hard to do. Even my studying has tapered off. In my defense, this has been a crazy month, and I’m getting back on track for things(notice the blog coming out today). I have to keep going, because there are other’s looking up to me as a role model. It’s crazy to think that I would be where I am right now in my life. Good thing that I’m doing my best to be a positive beacon.

I was having a conversation with a friend today, and she told me that my motivation and positive energy has affected her, and that she’s been trying to do more for her family. I’m glad that I could help. That’s the turning point for me, when I decided that I wanted to help others and not just myself. That’s just part of the mental change for me.

Speaking of the mental change, I’m having more problems focusing at my current job, because there’s more passion in the other side in my life. I can’t wait to be dealing with that side full-time, and be able to get paid for it. I’m not trying to get rich by any means, but I know that I can do better than I have now, and I can support my family better. At this, I have moments that I feel my patience is wavering. Which another friend says that it seems like it would be common for my situation.

I think that losing the weight has also helped me mentally. Now I’m not so down on myself because I’m feeling trapped in my body. I’m actually feeling different, with the way I stand, my confidence(which on a side note, hasn’t really ever been a problem), and overall, I’m feeling better in health than I have in the last fifteen years.

I love how people are encouraging me, and telling me to keep it up. I kind of think that it’s funny that people would say that too me. This has been a lot of work, even with the surgery, don’t you think that I would want to keep it off. I’ve been fat most of my life, I’m ready for the time I’m not shaped like the Kool-aid man. Believe me, I’ve seen some people kind of stop doing what it takes to keep off the weight, and it isn’t worth it to me, in my book.

Finally, I’m getting my geek media started. The Geekultural Expereince. This was something that I’ve wanted to do for a long time, but I never really had a name for it. The last name we had was Geek on Geek, but I realized that’s kind of over done, and I wanted something more unique, and why not. Geek, Culture, Experience; it just made sense to me. Look for the first pod cast this weekend, and we’ll be dropping it on Saturday, March thirty-first.

This was just a small update, and as always, this is the director and that’s a wrap.

Viva Las Graduation, I Lost Something….

Well, Friday I graduated from Los Angeles Film School and went to Las Vegas to celebrate with Sarah and my girl Echo. I’d like to share Friday’s ceremony though. It started at noon, and there was about three sets of groups that graduated. I was in the second group of Digital Filmmaking students. I want to say that we were one of the first groups that graduated from the online portion of the school.

The occasion was bitter sweet, but was made better by the fact that I was able to graduate with the most important people in my life; my parents, my children, Sarah, and Echo. We were able to take a few minutes and give a speech, so I thanked the people who came with me, and some of my production crew, and the school for being there for me in the time of need.

I still have more that I wanted to say: This is our time, this is the time that the industry is changing, and it’s our responsibility to usher in the new wave of equality, and bash out the corrupt power that takes advantage of the less powerful. Whatever color, creed, sexual orientation, we are equal, and that’s the way it should be. I’ve been blessed with a great group of people that I’ve been able to work with and meet. The network is just going to get bigger, and I can’t wait to work with the new friends that I’ve made on this journey, and share the ideas with like minds.

The ceremony ended around two o’clock, I said good-bye to the parents and kids. Then I took the ladies to Las Vegas…let me tell you something…going from Hollywood to Vegas really sucks ass. It turned out to be a seven plus hour drive, we got there closer to ten, and I was tired from driving. So, that shot any adventures on Friday, but Saturday was better, and we rushed to get a last bit done on Sunday, and still didn’t get home and done until eleven that night. What should have been a three and a half hour drive was pushed up by about two more hours by delays, and slow traffic. Alas, Sarah and I made it home safe, regardless of the bullshit traffic that happened.

I had to take care of a few medical things today, some of them for work, others for my next check up on my sleeve. I weighed myself today and I lost another 3.5 pounds. That brings my total down by 90.2 pounds, which was even better to know that 339.7. The incredible part is that in about five pounds, I’ll be at the lowest that I’ve been in five years. God, it will feel good to be down one hundred pounds.

I got in about 40k steps this weekend over all and Saturday was the most with 25,357. 1,616 calories were burned, and 11.19 miles were traveled that day. So, I think my total caloric intake was well below that. It was fun, and I just kept trucking along.

My next check up is on the seventh of April. I’ll be almost four months out, and life is still getting easier everyday. I felt like I had lost a few pounds, and I’m thinking that I’ll be at my lowest in five years by that check up. I’m more excited that I’ll be doing great next weekend when we go to Wonder Con. I’m going to have to buy some more clothes soon, and they’ll be smaller. I think one hundred pounds is crazy, I’ve already lost, about the weight of my son. It almost feels unreal, when I contemplate it.

As I’m looking forward to geeking out next weekend, I’m keeping an open eye to figure out how I can become a professional at these conventions, as this is one of the many things I plan on doing. I know that separating the various aspects of my life is going to organize things better, but it also seems that I have to dedicate more time to each of those things to keep them going.

On a final note, the free lance work is great, and now being in charge of my client’s social media is giving me experience that can be applied to other jobs as well. I’ll share more about this undertaking as it develops more. It’s already put me in contact with industry professionals that I’m going to be learning from their experience, and it will help me become a more rounded person.

This is the director and that’s a wrap.

Phase Two Has Started.

Holy crap! The Los Angeles Film School’s campus was cool. I enjoyed being there, and I felt sad at the same time because the student journey that I’d been going on for the last three years is finally coming to an end. I mean I seriously wish that I could have visited the campus far earlier, and maybe taken some of my classes there.

Onward and upward then, and with that being said. I got my cap and gown. I also got my tickets for the  graduation. So….my time as a student is at the end and now I’ll be an alumni. The next evolution in the world of Chris Keeling is getting ready to start. Again, today was constructive because I got to also see my career advisor, and she’s setting me on a path to correct my resume, and social media so that I can become more appealing to for my career, and get those jobs that pay money. My free lance work is showing me that I can do well with this and I’m excited to see where things will take me.

One of the tasks that I’ve been put to do, is to actually get a full production crew that I can constantly work with on a continuous basis, and I think that I can find these people. One day, we’ll all get paid and that’s a guarantee. For now, it’s more about getting the experience, and applying what experience I have so that I can develop more of what I need to appeal to the mass population.

My walk kicked ass as I burned well over  1,000 calories, and over 16,000 steps today. I think that I have similar numbers tomorrow as this weekend’s adventures are not quite over yet. I still have my three month check up that I’m doing in the morning, and I think a bit more shopping for a few things before I can leave.

On the weight loss journey front, I had some jerky today, it’s been a while and I was almost nervous that it wasn’t going to agree with my stomach today. Considering the calories that I did burn today, I’m pretty sure that I hadn’t consumed enough to worry about over doing my limit of calories today. Sarah says that I probably could have had a few more. Things are really looking up, and I plan on continuing what I’m doing.

Next month, we plan on really getting the hiking group going. Sarah is going to be bringing her camera to take pictures as she needs to fill up her portfolio just as much as I do. Exercise and work are going to be going hand in hand, and I can’t wait until we make money from both.

Anyway, this has been a long day, and I think I’m gonna call this one a wrap.

10 Years And More Paperwork!

So, I have to do paperwork because I’ve been at my job for ten years. Being the well oiled machine that I work for, I’m having to answer things from years ago, and then there are things that I don’t ever think that I knew. All I can think is man…..I’ve been doing this for way too long.

It’s given me a time to reflect on where my life has been, and where I’m going. The past is a bit blurry because I’ve not always handled life in the best ways possible, but as I’ve gotten older, and gained tools, I’m getting better at it. I’ve hit a few very dark times, and part of doing this paper work has caused me to try and remember through those dark clouds. I’d like to say those thoughts are sunshine and rainbows, but a rain cloud with thunder and lightning would fit that much better.

“It builds character,” or so that’s what they saying goes. It proves that I’m a survivor, even if it fucked me up a bit along the way. I’m a survivor…that’s the key there. Even when I wanted life to end, or wanted to hide away and disappear, I made it through those times, and I’m better for it. I’ve gotten married to a great lady, who loves and supports me, and we’ve had some great kids together, who I’ve not always been the best towards as well. We’re not perfect, but I love this family of mine.

“It builds character,” at least I’ve been able to analyze this and help it become something more positive in my life. Being someone who’s had insecurity issues and depression issues throughout my life, has built a thicker skin than when I was a child. I’ve heard the insults that people have said about me behind my back, and to my front. Most of the time I laugh because I think of how lame some of the words are. I think to myself, can’t you come up with something a bit better than that? Hamburger boy? Fatty Mc Fat Fat… whatever fucking insult they make to have a laugh. If it was me, I’d go for the jugular, and that’s the sad part, because that’s what my situation molded me to be when I was younger. I know that I have a mean streak and a low tolerance of bullshit, but I do try to not let that side out most of the time.

“It builds character,” and that’s true. I think that it’s all in how we decide to let it form us. At a low point, I finally decided that I was going to do everything that I could so that I could be a beacon of positivity in this world. Too many want to beat other’s down because, like they say, “misery, loves company.” I think that’s too true, and I don’t want to be the one to add to that problem. The funny part is that during my last “dark time”, I was hating everything and everybody, myself especially. Some would think that I’m being positive for other people’s sakes, though the truth is that I’m doing it for me, because I don’t want to ever feel the way I did before. Plus I’m starting to get this feeling that the world gives back to you what you project, and I’m wanting to feel positive vibes instead of the negative vibes that I had felt.

I’m feeling the balance between mind and body these days. The focus is getting stronger, and the  motivation is being felt by others as well(see several previous post). Well, I have so much more info to get before I can finish my paperwork, and I’ve got some studying to do as well.  So this is the director and that’s a wrap.