Did You Lose A Person?

I’m down 131 lbs so far. That’s a person! I’ve lost a person, and it feels good. As I sit here and contemplate the dozen possibilities that are coming my way, I realize that I have a test tomorrow morning.

I’m coming up on a physical agility test. I have to do nineteen push ups, and a mile and a half in seventeen and a half minutes. I still think like a fat person and don’t think that I ven accomplish either of those tasks. Could I though? Honestly, I have no idea. Every other time I’ve tried, I could walk a mile at the most, so I’m still not sure what I can do.

I did however get a chance to go for a walk yesterday, and I did a bit of running. My problem there is that it feels like I’m going to lose my shorts. With everything in my pockets, running streets to tug my shorts down. That’s no master how tight I try to tie the draw string.

So tomorrow’s the time to see what I can do. If I don’t pass, I’m not going to be too heart broken. At least I will have tried. No matter, tomorrow should show an improvement, and I’ll take that as a win.

#ITSOKAYNOTTOBEOKAY

     Disclaimer: Due to technical difficulties with internet and the real world, I’ve been away, and I’m back for more….

     As with most of my blogs as of late, I usually start off by talking about my weight loss journey, but being away for the amount of time I have, something has struck me with inspiration, and pulls me in a direction that I normally only touch upon. Not today! Today I want to talk about #itsokaynottobeokay.

A few weeks ago I was on Facebook, looking at the many posts and memes that get shared, when I happened to see a post about being there for others with the hashtag its okay not to be okay. As many of you who do actually read my blogs, know what The CK Project is all about. Some have been with me from the beginning, way back in 2011, when it was just about motivation for better physical health, but its since evolved into more than just the physical, but has incorporated the mental health as well.

It’s funny how things seem to go full circle, then brings attention to the real reasons that I started blogging. I’ve been witness to some friends of mine being in the dark places, and I want to let them know that “it’s okay not to be okay”, but to remind them that better times are always around the corner.  Being someone who’s been in the mindset of suicide on more than one occasion, I want to remind my friends, my readers, that I know it’s hard to get out of your mind with the ideas that there’s nothing better, and to end it all, would be the best way, but it’s not true, nor is it the best option for anyone.

I know how lonely it gets, and it’s frustrating to see my own wife go through her battles, and watch her discover what the dark shade of depression is. I also know that it’s easier said than done when it comes to dealing with it. Just know that those who are meant to be in your life are there for a reason, even if it’s just so you can learn to tell them to fuck off. I know someone who’s dealing with hate and discontent in their family, being that I myself have a spotty relationship with most of my extended family, I understand. Sometimes we have to make the difficult choice to cut those people out of your lives. I know that I don’t deal with most family members because I’m the black sheep, and I look at life very different then those who grew up together.

Remember, it’s okay not to be okay. It isn’t just a hash tag trend on social media. It’s a reminder that it’s okay to not stay strong. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay, to be vulnerable. You’re only human, and that’s….okay. We all have gone through some form of rough times, and we all can weather the storm. Life can and will get better if you allow it, even with a bit of help.

Self analysis is a strong tool to have to help get through these problems, and I remember when I felt like I had nowhere to turn. Getting the help, more importantly, asking for the help is the first step to recovery, in any situation in life. That’s always why having other’s around you can help you figure it out. If you don’t have the tool set, find someone who can help you get that tool set. Find that way to count your spoons.

As I’ve been on this journey of self discovery, and building a better me, I’ve grown so much, and I see people who’ve had the similar struggles, tend to show kindness in a world that usually doesn’t have any of it to spare. So we deal, and try to manage, then you get that asshole who wants to shit on whatever progress you’ve made. That’s something that’s damaging and can lead to worse things. Unfortunately, those people don’t care, or give a thought to what they might have just done.

It’s okay not to be okay, and if you need assistance, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me, and if I can’t help you, I’ll find you somebody who can. I’ve lost a few people to suicide, and even one is too many. This is why the project is stronger than ever. This is why I do what I do. This is why, somehow, its been my bigger focus in life. Saving someone is worth it, and I’ve been there to help people not leave this earth too soon, and I’ll continue to strive to help as long as I can.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

Push To Not Give Up

Our minds can be our greatest strength, but it can also be our worse enemy. I also know that this has been a subject that I’ve been touching on quite a bit recently. It’s just part of the journey, as I continue on building a better self. At least I haven’t given up on the path yet.

Moving forward, I weighed-in yesterday. Being in a place of self doubt, and not thinking I’ve been doing vary well, I was glad to see that I hadn’t let myself get out of control. The scale came in at 293.9. That’s a five pound loss since my last weigh-in. My BMI is at 42.2, which is great to know that I’ve lost about twenty percent of my body mass.

I’m kind of in an odd spot where I’ve had to get smaller equipment to wear for work, the stuff I’ve been wearing is getting way to big on me, yet one size smaller is still a bit too small for me. I did notice last week that the belt I wear was starting to fit better though. I also realize that now’s the time I actually get myself some new uniforms.

All I can keep telling myself is to just keep pushing forward. It’s always hard to keep that on the forefront of my mind, but it’s worth it. A misstep isn’t the end of the world. I think that’s the biggest fear…to just loose control and end up back at square one. Maybe that’s my check point, and what keeps me going. That fear of being like I was, with no will power, and no self control. I don’t want to feel the way I used to feel. I’m liking my new outlook on life.

Going back to the weigh-in though: I’m down 136 pounds. It feels good, no, it feels great. My next goal to hit is 270, and I know that isn’t so far away of obtaining. I’m now at a weight that I was before I got with my wife Sarah. It feels great, and that was over eighteen years ago. If I hit below 270, that will be a weight I haven’t seen in over twenty years. As I say and think it, a feeling of amazement comes to mind. I can’t even begin to grasp the concept of me being less than fat. While I’m no longer considered morbidly obese, I’m considered severely obese.

I guess that it’s a down grade, but it still feels negative to be considered that. I know that I have a long way to go before I’ll be considered healthy, but I’m getting there. That’s the mentality that I need to keep: I’m getting there. So, that should be one of my new hash tags- #Imgettingthere . A mantra to follow, and keep me going.

I saw a hash tag on Facebook the other day that I think I’m going to also start using: #itsokaynottobeokay. I think that it speak volumes especially since it still seems taboo to talk about mental health issues. I’m glad that I took up the mantle to be a voice for mental health awareness. It was sad when there was people that I knew had taken their own lives, and that’s part of why I do it. That and I have family members who also suffer from depression and I love them, and want them to have a long and wonderful life.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

Cheat Day

So, I felt like I didn’t do as well as I could have this weekend. Hell, I felt like I almost blew my hard work. I had some chips, and I snacked a bit more than I should have; at least that’s how I felt.

I also didn’t quite get the steps in for the weekend that I planned on. However, I’m pretty sure that I’ll be okay, because today. So, I cheated a bit this weekend, at least I’m determined not to be that way. I need to remind myself that I really shouldn’t have a cheat day, because it becomes a slippery slope unto other bad habits that I’ve tried to forget.

All this on top of the fact that I’ve been feeling a bit weird lately, and I’m not sure how I should be reacting to dealing with everything. I’ve got sick kids, and a wife who maybe coming down with a serious disease, and in the end, I’ve still got to keep my shit together.  I hate having my moments of weakness because it makes me feel like a failure, even when I’m not.

The think that I’ve got going is that I’m exploring more of digital special effects, and that’s making me feel better. I’ve had a good weekend, with friends, even though my kids are now really getting sick. Plus, it’s Labor Day weekend, which gives me four days off.

The leaps and bounds that I’ve gotten with Adobe After Effects…..

 

Update 9-8-18:

So, while I started this blog on Monday, I’ve been sick and dealing with life. I was able to go to my personal training session on Tuesday, and I killed it. It gave me the confidence I felt that I was lacking when I started the blog on Monday. Unfortunately, a few hours later, a sore throat and fever hit me hard and took me out for a couple of days.

Because of that, my week went to shit, sort of. As of now though, I am better. A few days of rest was something that I needed. It sucks when the body aches and the head is a bit fuzzy.

Today, we people in the small town of Ridgecrest had our annual Parade of a 1000 Flags. It’s a day to remember those we lost in the tragic events of September 11th, 2001. We as a family have been involved with the parade in various ways. We’ve walked with each of the kids schools, we’ve walked with the Boy and Girl Scouts, and have walked with the Autism Awareness group in town. Last year, we walked with our brother and sister geeks for The Geeks of The IWV. Today was a milestone as The CK Project made its public debut this year.

For the parade this year, we decided to make the letters white, to make it stand out when being represented. The letters pop a bit more. It’s limited, and it’s the start of us taking control to actually do our own merchandise. I wanted to have a simple basic look this time to represent the fact that The CK Project wants to show the beginnings of something new.

The normal blue for the letter’s represents hope. Yes, I picked that up from a comic book, and I think that hope is something that tells where the mission starts for myself personally. Dealing with my weight loss journey, and my mental health has inspired me to try and inspire others, with the hope that people find the answers that they might be looking for.

There’s been too many people lost to depression and suicide, and I wonder if they knew that they could have someone to reassure them that everything would be okay; if they would have made another choice. It gets better, and I’m the first one to admit that my head space hasn’t always been positive, and I’ve felt the bitter feelings of feeling trapped with no place to go. The thing I gained the most? I survived, and anyone who feels that shadow of doubt should be able to be reminded that they too can survive and it will get better.

Life is getting better, I’m going to be doing my weigh-in update tomorrow, and take the boy child to the gym to get our exercise on. This is the director and that’s a wrap.

Hello, Loneliness…

I’ve found myself in a strange place lately. I’ve been feeling kind of alone, and yet I’m around people most of the time. Before you get all panicked, I haven’t been depressed…just felt alone. With that, I’ve been kind of stuck in my own head most of the time, and the writing has become slowed down a bit. I’ll be fine because I haven’t had any negative thoughts lately.

My weight loss journey has seemed to hit a bump, as I’m not losing like I was, but that could have been a moment of circumstance that has thrown me off. It isn’t the first time, and I know it won’t be the last time. It’s just crazy when I have all these things going on that now I would start feeling a sense of loneliness, because I know I’m not, and I have a great support system. Hell, I honestly think that it’s gotten better as I’ve gone along.

I’m reconnecting with long time friends, who I really like being around, they’re just chill people, and be told that I’m a trusted companion, makes me feel pretty damn good. I’m glad that I’m viewed as a chill individual, and laid back. It’s something I’ve tried to perfect for some time. Most of my adult life I was angry, and I don’t want to be that kind of person anymore.

Again, all of this is just my mind trying to test me, or my depression. I know that I’ll get through it because I’ve got too much actually going my way. It just sucks when I go somewhere and start feeling like I did something wrong, even if I didn’t. That’s how my brain works, and it’s a difficulty that I’ve felt with most of my life.

On the bright side, I am starting to run, or at least jog again. I need to work on endurance as well as strength. The goal is to eventually get a mile and a half run in about seventeen and a half minutes. I’m sure that I’ll get there, but I still think like a fat person. I’ve been told that is something that may never go away. It’s almost ironic that the thing I’ve been trying to escape, still is a shadow in my life. I mean, I know that I can do more things, and I am doing more things, but sometimes, it’s hard to get past the fact that I was overweight and poorly out of shape for so long that my movement was limited.

My quality of life has gotten so much better. I’m mentally, physically, and spiritually better. Yet those demons try to bring me down at times. At least I have tools in my tool kit that helps with coping with these downward trends. I’ll eventually ride this out, and I’m not too worried.

I can’t believe that it’s been nine months since my surgery. Fall is going to be here soon, and the holiday season. I guess that’s going to be the real challenge this year. The goodies that comes out during the commercial time of year. Egg Nog, cookies… well, I’m actually good about not having cookies, and I don’t think that Egg Nog is going to feel good on the stomach this year. Let’s see how the cold effects me this winter as well.

I’ve discovered that I can do things that I hadn’t been able to do in years, so I’m excited to add a few exercises to the regiment as I work out on my non-personal training days. It’s been a joy taking my son with me and teaching him to work out. One of the things that I discovered that I can do is about a minute-twenty at a four point five speed on the treadmill. I’ll take that as a win as well.

Next weekend is the parade that the CK Project makes is official public debut. I’m excited that we’re finally getting that going, as well as that we’re getting ready to announce that we’ll be taking a political stand for the LGBQT community. Let’s just say that we’ve been active in helping to establish a festival for the community for next year, and Luckey Bom Films, along with the CK Project are going to be doing a documentary on the whole process. It’s going to be a learning experience, as we become more involved with the process.

Anyway, this is the director and that’s a wrap.

Where Did It Go?

Where did the week go? I remember working some long ass hours on the second half of the week, but I can’t believe that I didn’t get some of the stuff done, that I set forth. I worked out this week, and I’ll be honest, I wasn’t really feeling it. I didn’t feel a whole lot of motivation this week as it was.

It’s just one of those feelings that I get sometimes. I pushed and still did the workout, even if I wasn’t quite feeling it, so that’s a plus. I did get some pics, that I still haven’t put up yet, I’ll rectify that tomorrow. Like I said, this wasn’t the best week for motivation for me. At least I got another workout in today with the boy. I pushed myself with a few burner sets.

I got to be more involved with the other brands in my life this week though. I got some things read for the Geekultural Experience, and I also had a production meeting for the up coming projects that we’ve got going. We’re going to be writing a slasher movie taking place in a camp setting, and yes… I know how cliche that is, but it’s meant to be fun. My creative side is maturing because I want to do more with my shots and story telling.

We also talked about doing smaller things between the bigger projects. One of those things are addressing cliches and stereotypes in pop culture. Being a fan of pop culture, I think it will be fun to address and tear down the too often used things in pop culture. I mean, after all, big women can be beautiful too, various other challenges like that.

So, I’m going to do my weigh-in tomorrow. Plus, I’m starting to get motivated to get those 10,000 steps in. I just had to push myself past the unmotivated feelings that I was having. I’m ready to get back into the game and get to losing more weight again, not that I’ve stopped so far, but sometimes it feels that way.

This was just a short one to update people. This is the director and that’s a wrap.

“With A Little Help From My Friends”

An amazing part of a good support system can be found in your friends. This is usually a fine line to skate because you don’t really know who your true friends are until the rough times come along. There’s been a few times where I’ve been in a shitty spot, and I’ve seen who my real friends are. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve not always been the best person, to some of my friends.

I still associate with people who only seem to hit me up when they need something. It’s sad that they don’t always just want to say hi, and se how I’m doing, but I’m always hoping for the best in people, and sometimes that’s my down fall. That reality hits when trying to help someone better their situation, but then they don’t take the assistance. Often times that becomes a hard pill to swallow, as I’ve realized that I can’t save everyone.

Then the often tragic results end with showing waisted potential and a future of promise getting flushed down the toilet. Hard pill to swallow indeed. I guess that happens to be because I read too many comics, and I might have a white knight in shining armor….I really don’t know, but I want to help people.

The best feeling is when people reach out and tell me that I’ve been an inspiration to them. I’m glad people decide to better themselves. It’s rewarding to hear that people see that I can do it, and they want to have that same feeling of accomplishment. I think it keeps me, or hell, it probably puts me in a place to be humble. That’s something I hadn’t always been. I used to have this feeling of entitlement, and that I was owed something. I can’t even remember why I was that way, or how things changed….

The best feelings that I’ve been getting since my surgery is when people seem to not recognize me. Having a sense of humor, there’s often banter about how I need to get smaller clothes because what I’m wearing is looking way to big on me. It’s rewarding to know that other’s pay attention to my work, and cheer me on. It’s an even better feeling that my own personal feelings on how I’m starting to feel in my body.

I had a friend go through the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy  surgery a couple of days ago. I’m proud of the progress she went through, even before the surgery. Her name is Terri and her blog is https://changingtodaytolivetomorrow.wordpress.com. We meet in October of last year at a Society of Creative Anachronism event called Great Western War. She’s a sweet lady, and amazing cook! With us both being heavy set, we found common struggles, and we also geek out together a bit.

I’m giving huge shout outs to the people who are looking to better their health, and being told that I was apart of that decision, makes me happy. For those who are doing this, I have a project for you: Send me your before pics, and send up follow up pics so that people can join in and be apart of your support system. I’m going to be one of your biggest advocates, and I come with a shit ton of people who I’m sure will be willing to get behind your progress.

Even if you don’t feel comfortable about documenting your own progress, if you want- I’m willing to help out there. This weight loss journey has changed my life around so much, and I’ve grown as a person and so many positive things have happened because of it. It’s amazing, you’re amazing, and this will be the most amazing journey that you’ll ever take! I got you there.

If you want to get the kind of exposure that I’m getting and are doing something to get yourself out there, send me a message and I’ll do all I can to help boost your signal too. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Becoming Something More

I was at my personal training session yesterday. I worked out hard, and pushed myself. As I was walking home, I started to contemplate why I would submit myself to the torture of exercise. There’s times that lazy sounds so much easier and better. There are things that I fight with myself to keep going. I push through the burn, and sometimes it makes me feel nauseous. I find the fat person that I was for so long telling me that I can’t do it…that I should just give up.

Ghosts of the past, that’s what that all is. I’ve spent most of my life being weak. Not just physically, but mentally, spiritually. I never really stood up for myself until I had been pushed over the edge.  Somewhere along the way, I finally had enough of just the skating by in life. After not being there to stand up for myself. I felt trapped in a situation that I didn’t know the way out. I was desperate and I had a strong fight or flight moment. If you’ve been paying attention, then you know I was all about the latter.

The way I resolved to flight was either by running away, or by suicide. I came very close to doing both. Emotionally, I had to find a way to escape the world that I was dealing with. I was tired of getting pushed around…then I did something drastic…

As I had time to contemplate my life, I still wasn’t dealing with the problems at hand. Instead, I was drowning my time in playing video games so that I didn’t have to deal with the world. When I finally got a reality check that I was going to lose my livelihood, I started to make those changes, and prepare for life in a different way. That was the moment that I decided to invest in myself. I decided to go to school, and do something that I was actually interested in, and not just the safe thing. I’m not doing the thing that everyone else says I should. I found myself, and my inner strength.

That was the first step in finding my mental sanity. It’s a struggle when you feel like the worst person in the world, and that you deserve to die because of it, but this was the first step to recovery. From there, as things started to hit some sort of normalcy. I had to make the decision to get my physical health better. Even after the first step, I really didn’t care if I died or not.

It took me a bit longer, but I finally found the courage to do something, and I went and decided to have the weight loss surgery. Eight months after the fact, and I don’t have regrets… There are days that I struggle still, and I’ve had a few bouts of depression and self doubt. It’s getting better, and I’m accomplishing things that I never thought I would.

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Walking home from my #personaltraining session with Sam Basco. It was a great work out, but sometimes I wonder why I put myself though the physical suffering. Then I remember where I’ve been and I’m now under 300 lbs. I’m a survivor, and I’m becoming a warrior. I’m going to continue until I’m the best version of me. #GastricSleeve#PostOp#WeightLossJourney#walkingmyassoff#personaltraining #10klife#flawlessvictorymma

For the first time in eighteen years, I’m under 300 pounds. I’ve seen my worst, and I don’t ever plan on getting back there. The truth is, I’ve been a survivor my whole life, even without actually thinking about it. With the help of my friend Sam, I’m starting to find that warrior inside, and I like that. I want to be stronger, and I need to keep going. I want to be the best version of myself. Not only for me, but for those around me. I plan on being an example, and I need to be a person of strong character for it.

From this day forth, I’m going to be a warrior that fights to help people who struggle through depression, and other mental health issues. I’m going to help fight people who feel stuck and helpless. I’m thankful for the people who I have around me. I have the best support system in the world that allows me to be stronger than I am at times. This is the director and that’s a wrap.

Under 300!!!

I feel great, scratch that, I feel fucking amazing. I went in for my eighth month check-up down in Tarzana yesterday, and weighed in at 299.6. That puts me down 130.3 pounds. Plus, the doctor asked if West Medical could use me as an example, because I seem to be doing everything right. I even told the doctor that I blog about my experiences with the weight loss journey, and my depression, and he thinks that it’s good. He says that it’s best to hear from someone who’s actually gone through the process over having the doctor talk about the science aspect of it.

I find that this is a good way to promote the CK Project brand. This and the fact that we’ll be making our public debut next month at our local parade for September eleventh.  I feel that finally time is starting to really pay off for my presence locally. Hard work pays off, and that is something that has been true for me over the last several years, as I’ve started to embrace that change.

I’ve never been a shy person, and I’ve always liked to talk to people. Now, I’m embracing a side that looks to network, and I’ve been having so much positivity around me that it gets surreal sometimes. I think my insecurities has always been my biggest enemy, and hill to climb. Self doubt will sabotage you every single time. I know that it’s gotten to me and has been very destructive in some of the relationships that I’ve had throughout the years.

Yesterday, I made another revelation: I’m starting to feel that I’m getting the body that I’ve always pictured that I should have. I don’t feel  trapped in the fat body I used to have, and I’m going to keep progressing until I get down to the weight I feel best at. I feel that both my personal and professional relationships are benefiting from this change as well. I interact with people better, and I think that I’ve become a better parent from it as well.

Now that I’m finding my groove again, I’m able to get the creative side flourishing again, and I find that with school starting back up on Tuesday for the kids. Everything’s going to feel different. The year 2018, has been my year. I’ve had so much more with success than I have with failures. Even if I didn’t get that job that I worked hard towards. I figure it was leading somewhere better for me anyway. It’s at the very least pushed me in the direction to start pushing out the content like I wanted too.

I finished my rough cut of my short the other night, so now I’m going to go back into it and trim it up, find a better pacing so that I can throw it into After Effects and add a bit of special effects to it. Than I’ll go back and add the sound, then do a title screen and credits. The Reunion was fun, but I’m looking to film more movies where there’s more movement and action to it. I love this part of my life. It seems to give me a better purpose than I had previously, and the fact that I can share with friends and family is a huge plus.

I’ll have so much more for everyone soon, because we’re investigating another avenue for our brands. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

The Farther I Go

This was a good week for my personal training sessions. I was kicking ass/ getting my ass kicked down with my coach Sam. This was a decent week as I know that next week the kids go back to school, and I’ll be able to put more focus on my mornings before work. The best thing was Tuesday I weighed in at the gym at 302.3 lbs. I know that my weight loss has slowed down, but I’m happy that I’m that much closer to getting too 300 even. That puts me at 137.6 lbs down so far. It’s amazing to see how far I’ve come in such a short time.

Tomorrow, I have my eighth month check-up and I’m excited to get it down. It’s crazy to think that this year as flown by so fast. I’ve grown so much, hell I think I hit another level in maturity with this as well. I look back and can’t begin to really think about how I let myself get out of control with my life. So, the surgery gave me another chance at life, and I wish I would have been that strong many years ago.

Ego is being replaced with real confidence, and I can’t begin to tell people how humbled I’ve become with the out pouring of support. The weight loss has shown me the kind of people I have in my life, and I’m so thankful for the words of encouragement. As a matter of fact, I was informed this week that The CK Project is going to be marching with our local Parade of a Thousand Flags. I’m glad that Sarah’s pushing to get the brand out, and I’ve got people who’d like to march along our side, and show their support to what the project stands for. Some of them are people that I’ve motivated to change their lives…again, it’s a humbling experience.

This week was productive as I had the chance to finish up a rough cut of the short film we shot last weekend. It is most defiantly short, but it was so much fun to do. I’m blessed to have an amazing crew, and cast. Plus this is the job I was built for, I can tell because I’m happy doing this stuff.

I think that while we start pre-production on the next film project, it’s going to give us some extra time to relaunch and present Luckey Bom Films in a bit of a more organized manner. There are so many wonderful things that we’ve become involved with, especially in the last month or so. This is going to lead to a beautiful and powerful documentary. That’s just another type of project I can’t wait to try my hand at. The last short documentary didn’t go as well as I had hoped it would, but so far everyone who may be involved looks to be excited to talk about the what the film will be about, and yes, I’m keeping it a bit closer to the chest at the moment. I assure you that we’re going to bringing attention to a movement. Through this, I’m making a new and enlightening set of friends.

As I sit here tonight, I feel accomplished. Not that it’s unusual for me, but the fact that I’ve had so many distractions lately, that even getting in productive work seems to be a challenge at times. I’m not feeling depressed, but I know that there’s been a lot that’s keeping my focus else where. With almost normalcy coming back to my life next week. I’ll be able to get more focused on the tasks at hand. Just like editing tonight, and the little bit I was able to do earlier this week, I really do enjoy it. I know that once we get started on Unexpected Side Trip, that’s going to be a bit of a process, because it’s the biggest script that I’ve had the opportunity so far. This is the one that we need to have a budget on; it’s going to be a long, wonderful project. This is the start of wanting to get my films into festivals. Now, I feel that I’m ready to take this to the professional level, and there’s no going back. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.