It’s strange that as I sit here, I find that when I started blogging about seven years ago, I was looking for answers. I was lost, and I was in a dark place. I hated myself, I hated the way negative energies around me had caused me to hate myself even more. I hated that I couldn’t escape that same energy in every aspect of my life.
The fact that I had been dealing with depression for my whole life and not knowing how to handle it was at a time that I needed help. I wasn’t sure where to go, and I didn’t know where to go. As things happened at work, I was forced into a situation that got me the help I needed. I just wasn’t ready for that shift that was going to start happening just a little time later.
I spent the next year shutting everything out, trying not to deal with life. I would play video games all day. I would stay shut off in the bedroom, not dealing with my family, because I still wasn’t comfortable with “dealing” with the issues at hand.
I had gotten news about work and that’s when I realized that I needed to start preparing for a possible different future. At that time, LA Film School was just starting to offer an online degree, and I had wanted to take steps to go to film school for several years before. I finally took that chance on my own self in a way I’d never thought of before.
It was a bit after this time that I had decided to start blogging, and talking about my feelings and the struggles that I had been dealing with my whole life. I found that it got easier as I expressed myself through the written word. I had people private message me and talk about their thoughts on it as well. I was finding a positive energy through helping others, and it gave me a different purpose in life.
Maybe it was the fact that it stroke my ego a bit, or maybe I felt so much better by helping others. It gave me a reason to keep going. Blogging also helped me become a much better writer. The story gets better from here, I promise.
So, I had issues as my job, and it was the negativity that came out of it. Co-workers, supervisors, politics, those things that can either make or break the experience of work. As I look back at it now, I come to think that it’s just that it wasn’t the job that satisfied my needs as a creative individual.
About three years after I graduated from film school, I found myself an opportunity to finally get something in the field that I wanted. While it wasn’t making movies, it was something that I would be able to do, while using my creative mind, and find satisfaction. I work in archives, and I love the fact that I get to work with Photoshop all day. I do miss the activeness that I had working security, but I don’t miss dealing with the weather, and the rude people. I’m in a position that I have people that I work with and work for, who show that they appreciate me as a worker and as an individual.
I decided to work on getting my personal trainers certificate, so that I could give the CK Project a bit more to what I had been doing with the weight loss, and it’s taught me things that I continue to improve on. Teaching wrestling and working in other martial arts has been a wonderful experience as well. It’s opened up a whole new avenue of relationships that I wasn’t expecting.
I find it harder to find the things I struggle with, I mean there are things that I’m still dealing with, but those things I’m not ready to discuss just yet, and I may never, due to what it’s about. I’ve always been upfront with my audience, and this is way too deep for me to talk about, maybe someday though.
So, let’s look at the brighter side of life for a minute. Physically I’m in about the best condition that I’ve ever been. I got job satisfaction, that also may lead towards other, and bigger things. I’m not nearly as depressed as I was, because of my physical condition and job satisfaction.
I like blogging, but my life seems to keep me busy and after a stressful time getting my Sports Nutrition Cert, I’ve been at a better place. I’m currently working on yoga as the next thing, and I’m finally writing scripts again. Life is good.
The next thing is, where do we go from here?I feel that this is a market that people still like the info from. I started out with my mental health, then went to weight loss, and then went to mental health and weight loss together. So where do I evolve this from here. Maybe I start giving so research and start blogging about other sciences for getting through the mental and physical journey? Maybe a discussion on what martial arts is showing me, and the chi that’s involved? I’m interested in keeping this going, I just find it hard to pick things out of the air on what’s bothering me anymore.
That could be the lesson from this blog: Patience and hard work is what is needed to get passed the rough times. I used these tools to cope with a world that I wasn’t happy with, and in turn it helped others, but I worked hard to get to where I am, and I’m taking a relaxed pace with things, because I’m still busting my ass off at work, I’m just a bit happier with what I’m doing.
We all have tools at our disposal, and self-reflection is a powerful one. I’m still seeing where I am now, and am constantly learning more on who I was and how I feel about how things have gone. Learning what’s caused my issues is an eye opener. Knowing what I did some of the things I’ve done, has taught me to be a better person.
It’s been awhile, and I’m going to figure out how to evolve this blog, because I still love y’all. This is the director and that’s a wrap.