Author: CK Project

In 2011, I started the CK Project as a way to hold myself accountable during my weight loss journey. In 2013 I had a mental breakdown and almost ended my life. A year later I found myself in a position to reflect on my choices in life and decided to turn my life around. I started blogging on Facebook to help myself heal, and to show others that my mental health struggles weren’t the end of my journey. I used this as therapy, and a way to reach out to others who might be struggling. In 2016, I started blogging on Wordpress, and it was a way to help spread the word of my own experiences. I got back into the weight loss journey in 2017 and had the Gastric Sleeve done in December 2017. I’m open about my struggles with depression and anxiety that sometimes comes with it.

Quarantine Mother’s Day

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They are the first person we ever have a connection with. They are they first person that we find trust and security in. They are the hardest and most under appreciated workers that we’ll ever meet. As the title says, I’m thanking and appreciating the mom’s.

Through out my life, I’ve known some of the most amazing mother’s out there. The woman who raised me being one. The woman who risked her life to provide me with my two favorite humans. The compassion that these woman have shown, as well as other mother’s in my life, is inspiring.

This year is a banner year for many mother’s this because of epidemic that the world faces. What is often taken for granted is for once looked upon as a morose time because not everyone is able to see their mother’s. The event’s of this year has brought light to many things that we had often took for granted.

Going back, I have a mother, with whom I reconnected with about ten-or-so years ago. It was nice to actually talk to the woman who had given birth to me. We have common interests, and I was also able to meet my half-siblings. It was my sister who had reached out to me through Myspace and we had started a relationship. I’m not close to any of them, and I’ll be honest, I feel that it’s been more on me than anyone else. I have tried to be a good big brother when they had gone through issues, and I’ve tried to be a supportive son. Unfortunately, I’d been living my life without them for so long that it gets hard to put into perspective my emotions about how I feel.

I do think about them, and I know that I should reach out more often, and I think at some point soon, I will do exactly that. It’s just hard when certain realities start coming into the forefront of how things might have played out in the relationship between my parents. That’s something that I’m not going to get into though.

I have the step-mother who raised me. Truth is, she’s my mom. I’ve known her my whole life, and then she’s the one who was there through my accident, my dark times, and my good times. She taught me what it was to be a decent person. I have so much gratitude for this woman, who’s also loved my dad for her whole life.

For Sarah, the woman who I’ve spent most of my adult life with. I have so much that I can, and need to say about this woman. She picked me up when I was a broken shamble of a man. She helped me heal from one of the worst relationships that I had ever had, and she saw me at my lowest. She’s also seen me at my best. She’s been the woman to decide that I would be worthy enough to have not one, but two of the most awesome children that I’ve ever known.

She’s the one person who seems to know me better than most. Often times, I find her frustrating because of that, but at the same time I’ve been blessed to have her by my side throughout the years. One thing is that our relationship has gone through some rough waters, and the dichotomy of our relationship is evolving. Now, as I’m getting better, her health has been failing, and I’m constantly having to learn how to “up my game” in support.

That’s one thing that I’ve always tried to do, support her, in every endeavor that’s she’s wanted to do. I support her love of photography, and have always wanted to see her flourish in that as a profession. As we’ve been doing films, she’s come to find a love for special effects make-up, and she’s really good. The proof is in the fact that she put a bruise on her arm and I’m getting a message asking if I had hurt her. The proof is in the fact that when we’ve done test footage, I’m getting questions asking about what happened to me, and if I was okay.

She’s the toughest woman I know, because she stays by me, even if I don’t think that she should have. She’s learning to deal with her deteriorating health, and still be a good mother, and wife to me. All while she’s trying to get her professional certificate in behavioral science.

I’m just a father, I know that isn’t something to sneeze at, because I’m a decent father, but I don’t feel that I’ve had to put in the effort for the demands that the kids put on her. If they need something, she’s the one they call on. As a husband and a man, I’m certain that I also put the same demands as the kids do.

Again, I’m a father, I feel like I’m the fun one. Yet at the same time, I know that I’m the one looked too to keep discipline in the house. If the kids cause trouble, I’m the one who has to the attitudes in check. There had been many nights that I had been texted with emotions on not being home and the kids misbehave. It’s been pointed out that it’s unfair that is what happens most nights. I see the frustrations in her face, and in her voice when Little Chris has gotten over stimulated, and had a melt down.

I can’t even begin to imagine how it is for the single parents. I tip my hat, because child rearing is one of the most difficult, emotional, often times frustrating things to do in life. So for those who end up pulling double duty, I salute you. It’s hard enough being a father, but when having to take the responsibilities of what mom does is a challenge.

I know that there’s been times that Sarah was sick and I would have to take on the chores of keeping the little humans alive. It’s difficult, and she makes it look easy. I did alright, I mean I still have all my children. It just makes me appreciate the fact that a mother’s job is a lot of work. I couldn’t have asked for a better partner in this adventure.

If you still have your mother in your life, give her a call and tell her that you appreciate her for everything she’s done for you. If you have a wife, or a significant other, who does the child rearing, let them know that you appreciate everything they do for your children, and for you. It usually goes hand-in-hand.

Anyway, thank you again for all that you do, moms. I remember a quote from the movie The Crow(1994) and it goes, “mother is the word for God, on the lips of children”, and how profound a comic book movie could say something like that. It’s a great movie, and has some great lines like that. “Mother is the word for God, on the lips of children”. That line has always stuck with me, and I think that it applies more weight now, that I’m a father, and I see how my children are towards their mother.

It’s not always easy to have a family. There are often fights, tears, emotions, that come with raising children. Parent’s aren’t always going to see eye-to-eye, but this has been an amazing journey and two-and-a-half of the best decisions I’ve ever been apart of. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk and we will get through this difficult time in life.

I’m the director, and that’s a wrap.

March Dragged, April Flew

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It’s crazy how the events of this year has gone so far. With the Coronavirus epidemic, March seemed like the longest month ever. Mentally,  I think society was put to a test that nobody had time to study for. Every workday for me felt like Monday, and there were meme’s that echo’d that same sentiment. Life became more stressful than was expected, and my concerns for my family had hit an all-time-high.

In contrast to March being the longest month known to man, April just decided to run off and be done in like two weeks. It’s crazy that May is already upon us. This year has already been interesting and more testing than I think anyone would care to admit. This is going to be an interesting year. I know that I’ve said it about one-hundred times, but it’s true. I want to say that this may be that situation that’s become a survival of the fittest. That’s a shitty way to look at it, but it seems to ring true.

I know that one of the things I’m doing is I’m going to do that No Zero Day May challenge like I did last year where, the object was to have at least thirty-minutes of activity everyday. I’m not going to actually ask anybody to join me in this challenge this year, well, because of the current circumstances, I don’t feel that it’s going to be appropriate too. If you do want to join and share on the CK Project, I won’t turn it down. I’m just not going to be all about it for others at this time.

Mental sanity is important, and I’m feeling that I’ve been in the right mindset for it, mostly. I think that the night shift is wearing on me, and while I’m working towards the fourth month, of my six-month rotation, I don’t foresee us changing shifts in July, like we would normally do. The Coronavirus also makes looking for work a bit more difficult, as I’m looking to grow professionally.

The stay-at-home-order has caused issues for many people. Some feel that they are being oppressed. Some of the complaints I’ve heard seem a bit like first world problems and it makes me sad. Look, this order isn’t about you. It’s to prevent the spread of something that could affect others. I might feel different about this because I know people who’ve actually contracted it. I’m glad that they’ve survived and it gives me hope that if I happen to get it, and accidentally contaminate my family, they survive as well.

That always adds to the mental health, stress, anxiety that tends to come around. I know that this doesn’t just apply to myself, but others as well. Just know that it will eventually get better, we just need to learn to be patient while this continues on. Truth is, nobody really knows what will happen once we open the country up. I mean we can predict and I’m in the thought of it’s just going to get worse, before it gets better, however, I also hope to be wrong about this.

Talking with my father, he said he heard that this won’t be over for two-years. I had to sit back and think about it. Cabin fever is a bitch, and I can’t imagine what would happen to our society if that’s the case. I mean the last time something like this happened was in the early parts of the nineteen-hundreds with the Spanish Flu, the biggest difference is that technology has greatly improved and made communications better.

Writer’s note: I started this blog a few days ago, I read something to add to this.

So, we’re getting ready to start easing back into a more fully functioning society. With that comes a whole new set of anxieties and stresses that come with it. Yes, I know that people are looking forward to getting back to a sense of “normalcy”, but the truth is, I don’t think there’s going to be “normalcy” for a long time. This will even be more true if history repeats itself and this turns out to be like the Spanish Flu. The second wave ended up being more fatal than the first one, and the number of deaths were quite a bit larger.

I’m not saying that history will repeat itself, however, history has a sense of irony that way. If this whole ordeal has taught us anything, is that we’re being lied too from all directions, and it’s unprecedented how much information is either false or misleading. So, can we check this off on another reason that anxiety is running high? I think this is coupled with the argument that people who seem to be supporting the “facts”, generally choice to listen to what fits their views and narratives. So that brings to question, is that really what’s defined as facts? Just because it fits the narrative that is being pushed?

Sorry, I went off in a different direction than I was expecting. It might be because of a conversation that I read online, or something. I try to stay away from talking religion and politics, because it generally brings out the worst in people. This is learned by spending way too much time on social media. This can also bring on another level of anxiety as well.

My social media has evolved into my brand work, and that’s it. I figure that if people are motivated to push their opinions and sometimes be mean to each other, that I can just scroll on. Guess what? It works! This is how anxiety can be reduced, by not focusing on the negative. I know people who I wish would do that, but it doesn’t happen, yet here I am, scrolling past, because it isn’t worth the stress and anger that tends to dwell within these things.

Remember the ninety-percent rule: The things in life that you can’t control are about ten-percent, while the other ninety is how you choose to react to it. I can’t remember where I heard this, but it’s something that’s stuck with me for so long now, and I agree with it. It’s seemed to make life easier to manage that way. I don’t always abide by that rule, remember the meltdown of 2013? Yeah, and it’s made me better for it for sure. The focus is where it needs to be.

Remember that life is surprising, and there are nuggets of randomness that comes at us. The epidemic is just one of many things that show us who we are. How do we want to be seen after all of this is over? Do we continue in the current journey’s that we are traveling, or do we look to grow and become better from it?

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Did You Say You Needed Help

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Part of my journey has been self-improvement, and the whole of my journey has been to help others by using my example to show others that there’s always hope. Lately, I’ve been talking to someone who seems to be at wits end, and I asked them to listen to my podcast, and read some of my blogs(Yes, it’s a bit of shapely promotion). I was told that my podcast was informative, and that I “write well”. These are things that I humbly take as a compliment, and it shows me that I’m on the right path when it comes to some of the things that I’m doing.

This person deals with grief and depression, which is something that I can connect with. I suggested that blogging was a great way to help work through some of those traumatic things that would be plaguing them. I think the more a problem is talked about, the less impact it has in our day-to-day lives. This has been true for me, and I’ve seen it in others. I wonder if this is why psychiatrists have you talk them out? I’ll have to ask a friend on that.

A common issue that I’m finding is that people don’t seem to know where to turn. Some have seen help, and it’s actually been successful. I’m an advocate for seeing professional help to get through the tough times. I understand where some might consider it viewed as looking crazy, and that’s where things get hard. People don’t want to be viewed as crazy, so they’ll try to handle their problem on their own. I speak from experience on this, as I also didn’t want to burden anyone with my problems. Yet, the problem never goes away. It just keeps building, and getting worse until all control is lost and suicide or some other extreme action is taken.

I’m personally glad that I got help. I just didn’t know where to turn, and I was glad that it got forced upon me at the time. In this case, I’m glad someone has asked me on something that might help them get through dealing with the trauma. I just said what seemed to work for me, because I’m by far not a professionally trained person in this. I’m just glad that I can help, and I can usually point someone in the right direction for professional help.

I think one of the hardest parts when dealing with seeking professional help is that insurance doesn’t always cover it, and my guess is because mental health is still a bit of a taboo subject. I see that things are getting better at being accepted, or maybe it’s because it’s a niche area that I’ve found that’s showed support. It’s amazing how supportive this sect of people are. It’s also somber to see those how do have it worse than I have. I found myself looking at it and thinking that I need to find a way to get things right, because there are people who have it worse.

That’s what makes people unique. The way we deal with things, and how we choose to handle them. I know that I don’t always have my shit together, but I am trying to grow as a person, and learn how to get my shit together. That’s part of why I do help people, because it helps with a sense of satisfaction to know that I could positively help someone else out. That being said, with how I feel about those who do have it worse, I have realized that the few on worse, is relative to my experience, and not everyone can see that.

I know I’ve said that ego is our worst enemy, and I think it applies to any situation that comes up. Ego, can stop people from seeking the help that they need. Remember, that most people don’t want to be viewed as “crazy”.  Ego is the number one, relationship killer as well. It’s “never” my fault, that things are going wrong. Funny how much that’s being seen these days, even on a larger public scale. Yet, it’s ego that draws people in. I’m not going to say that it’s not something I’ve never experienced. I’ll call myself out and say that I have an ego, I’m learning to get past it, but if you ask some who are close, they’ll tell you that’s a lie.

This is one of those things that people have to learn to get past to get themselves the help they need. It took me a long time to realize that ego was getting in my way of getting the help I need. Ego was the thing that was holding me back from growing as a person, yet, I’m trying my best to help build people up, and improve themselves. Is it successful? Sometimes, and yet there are times, that I’ve had to be real and tell people to drop their own ego to realize what’s going on.

I have a longtime friend, who always seems to think that life is shitting on them, and that they feel that they need a break everything. Being friend’s with me isn’t easy because I keep it real, ie, if their being a dumb ass, I’m gonna tell them that. Sometimes having that truth can help correct the path that’s being taken. I’ve gotten several, “you’re right, I didn’t realize..” from that person. Again, ego can get in the way.

I’m trying to help, yes, it’s an ego thing. I think I realize this as I write this blog right here. I have always had this inclination of having a “white knight” mentality. I try to save the world, and it’s backfired on me more than a handful of times. I think the change in my approach came when I figured that I needed to show myself as an example and let people reach out asking for some guidance. I know that being open isn’t easy, I know that I’m getting judged on it. Maybe that’s where the ego has gone, in a different direction. I’m not perfect, I’m not the best, but I do try to make some sort of difference in life for the betterment of my fellow humans.

It’s surprising that people have received my openness, and given some of them a voice for themselves. Does it stroke the ego? I think there are days that I feel satisfied that I’ve been able to be a tool to help people. So, yeah, maybe it does a little bit, but I’m not up in anyone’s face about it. I figure that there are enough shitty people out there, that I hope not to be one of those people, and just want to help anyway I can. Those who do show the support, I thank you, it’s humbling that one: you’re paying attention, supportive or not. Two: Some of those have come in my defense when I’ve been questioned about my motives, that’s even more humbling. I’m in awe of those people in my life. Three: Those who do support me, help make it worth pushing through the doubts, and the unmotivated times. Yeah, it’s because the ego knows they’re watching.

To those who continue to support me, thank you. To those that have reached out for help, thank you for trusting in me to help guid you in the right direction. It gives me joy to know that I can be counted on with something so personal. I’ve found that after someone I had known briefly, had taken their life, had changed me fundamentally.  Maybe that is where the ego changed? I’ve learned more about being self-aware and it helps.” I have a problem, and this is where my problem lies”, I think this is a step to growth.

This is the director and that’s a wrap.

Realigning Priorities

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With society being on various forms of quarantine, those who stay home have mentioned things about learning a new skill, or finishing some sort of project that has been worked on, but never finished. I’m realizing that I need to start working on some of those things as well. I still have to work, and being on the night shift doesn’t make my motivation for the waking hours any easier.

I realize that I need to work on stuff that I’ve been working on, and I need to practice skills that I’m still in the early stages of getting better at. On the plus side, I’ve low-keyed gotten a few things done here and there, so I’ll take that as a win. The fact that I’m putting out blogs one to two times a week seems to align with the things I tried to do the last time I was on the night shift. I know that there were a few months that I didn’t seem to have much going on besides staying awake, but I’m going to do my best to keep providing the content. This is both for the purpose of being a creative person, and my mental sanity.

It feels like I don’t have enough time to do anything, except the physical activity that I do throughout the day.  Truth is, I have all these things that I have on the back burner, and I don’t want that to be an excuse, however sometimes I think that I try to take on too much and that’s why I tend to get stagnant when actually getting something out. Man, I also have this plethora of ideas being churned around in my head about this whole Coronavirus ordeal. In fact I think I have come up with a few story ideas, that I think I’ll start notes on here in the next few days.

This situation has also made me realize that I want to start keeping in better contact with those who I actually want in my life. I’ve been reaching out too those that I actually find to be important to me, and hope that I can keep the solid bases for the relationships I have. Doesn’t it bother anyone to want to do more with friends, and find that life has gotten too busy, or that we’ve become too distracted for communications? I know that I’d like to blame it on the fact that I’m too busy doing things all the time, but the truth is, I’m easily distracted.  What is the distraction, you might ask? Video games, movies, social media.

That last one kind of skirts the edge of a complicated relationship, not for just me, but I’m sure there are plenty of others who might relate. I know people like to keep up to date with what’s going on with who. Have we just gotten to the point where we want to know everyone’s business? Has it always been that way? So, there comes the other question: What about you, Chris? Why does social media distract you so much? I know that my view of social media changed after I started going to film school. I also know that my reason’s behind why I do social media has changed quite a bit.

I used to feel that I wanted to share every problem, opinion with everyone. Yes, it’s still true, but I do things a bit differently. I mean I would complain online about work, relationships, etc.. I would also celebrate the triumph and happy stuff too. How is that different than what I’m doing now? Social media is about promoting my brands. That’s what it’s about for me. Part of what it is, using my experiences to show people that there’s a better way, that the thoughts of depression and suicide aren’t always the final answer.

I’m about uplifting, encouraging, seeing others succeed. Watching others succeed in something I wish I was successful at isn’t always the easiest thing too endure. I’d love to be making the incredible content that I see some of my friend’s doing. I’d love to have that job that pays me to do what I actually love. Don’t get me wrong, I love my health and wellness brand, that’s where I find the most success as it is, with the most response. I’d just like my film company to be making something all the time, and I’m sure we’ll get there at some point in the future, it’s just hard to see others take that train to glory town sooner than expected.

I knew that I would end up running into a stump along my path, as I have a few times. It’s not uncommon or unexpected. I knew that putting this burden on myself, would be an undertaking, but I also knew that it would help keep my mind busy, which is a good thing.

One of the bright and consistent things, while I haven’t completely been motivated to workout, I haven’t done too bad otherwise. I’m still getting in workouts, even if they’re not always as intense as I usually do when I workout with Sam. I’m not feeling a shrinkage of any of my clothing that I wear day-to-day.

That’s one of those weird things about my  weight loss journey so far, that I’m in-between  sizes for somethings. I wear an extra-large to a two-x in shirts. I was up to a five-x for the longest time. Now I can wear large shorts, sometimes an extra-large in shorts depending on the make.

I didn’t ever consider that would be in anything under a three-x. So, I’m happy about the work that I’ve put into myself. I’ve also started working on getting to the point where I can do a hand stand, while I’m not there, I think that’s one of the next goals that I’m looking to achieve. This might take sometime, but I know that it’ll be worth it. I think I want to get into parkour at some point in the future. That’s one of those things that Assassin’s Creed(2007) had gotten me interested in.

I can’t believe that I’ve been living this new life for almost two-and-a-half-years now. I have no regrets, and I do think that I wish that I would have made that decision earlier to have the surgery, but I think that I had been in a kind of limbo from the end of 2013 and I was just actually understanding how to come back from it in 2015. It took the instance of actually coming to the realization that I could meet my maker in 2017, that gave me the view of needing to be reborn.

That is exactly what I’ve done, and I have the cognitive view to see how I’m changing. It’s something that I still see, and the realizations coming with that. I’m in the process of dealing with my past and self abuse. I’ve still got a long way to go, and I hope that I can figure it out.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, as it does deal with me as a whole, coming from focusing on my weight loss journey, and my mental health. Things are going well,  considering everything going on in this world. Remember to subscribe, and leave comments to help make this whole thing better and help me to keep improving my content. That’s the director, and that’s a wrap.

Easter 2020

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Wow, what a year this is turning out to be, and this being the first real holiday during the Coronavirus epidemic is just adding to the fact that has put strains on our first world lives. On a holiday that I would be spending it with my parents, and my kids, I find that this year isn’t going to be like many others. In fact, I should have been at Wonder Con this weekend, just like I have been for the last few years.

It’s funny to think that a convention would be something that I miss the most. Usually, we’d only spend half a day there since Sunday’s the closing day. I remember last year that we got to watch a Batman and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in a cross over movie, four months before it was to come out. I think we would still end up doing a little something for the holiday on the way home as it was.

This year was going to be exciting because I would get to share the experience of Wonder Con with one of my best friends. Her experience with conventions was always Clexicon which is in Las Vegas, and I think it would be fun to check out. Especially since it’s a LGBTQA+ centric convention in the entertainment industry. It helps to broaden one’s horizons.

The important part is that I did get to spend it with the family that I do live with, and that we’re all relatively healthy, considering everything. That’s something that has been an important highlight thorough out this epidemic, how important family is. How important  human connection is. I never gave too much stock in the ideas of energies until probably the last few years, but I’m starting to get it.

I think the fact that putting positive energy out, instead of the negative energy was something that I started doing to help myself feel better. It’s difficult when all you hear is negative stuff being spoken at work, and that was really starting to wear on me mentally. I wanted to be positive and would only speak positive because I wanted to feel better, and it seems to work. Though I know that it might sound ridiculous, just like the whole practice of positive affirmations, it does work.

Working out with Sam has taught me many things. One of those things is about the energies that connect us, and the energies we use when doing workouts. I’ve also learned that my body isn’t as functional as I thought it would be. I apparently don’t trust my body enough to do things that makes me feel unsafe. I guess that’s what being so heavy did to me, I can’t stand losing control of my body. So now I’m learning to trust being in different positions.

One of those things that I’ve been doing is trying to do assisted hand stands, and I’m getting more comfortable with my body upside down. I’ve actually done it a few days in a row, trying to stay upside-down for around twenty-seconds. This is the start of getting a full on handstand by myself and to be able to walk on my hands.

It feels like as I’m always starting over when I’m getting motivated to workout. At least I haven’t given up, and I am trying to stay mindful of everything that’s going on. I need this focus to help me stay more mentally healthy. I need this focus so that I don’t get back into the shape that I used to be. I think that I might have a slight case of body dysmorphia because of my experiences in life.

As this social distancing thing continues, it feels that life is dragging on. My workday’s are ten-hour days, but most days feel like they could be twenty. Plus everyday seems to feel the same, it’s almost like an eternal Monday going on here. It’s draining because it makes me feel that I’m always tired all the time. I feel like I want to sleep all the time.

I guess that I didn’t  realize that staying active and busy all the time helps keep me energized. I always looked at staying busy as a way to keep me distracted from having depressive thoughts. I know that anxiety, and overthinking are my enemy if I sit alone for too long and then I start questioning everything.

That actually doesn’t seem so uncommon, it makes me wonder why people have that go through their heads as well? It makes me wonder if I share more in common with my fellow person than I may realize? I know that I had a conversation with some female who I thought was popular in school, and a source of one of my crushes in school, and her sharing her story had made me realize that if those who seemed to be untouchably popular(in my mind) have those same struggles to deal with as well.

Going back to the fact that Easter was a different kind of holiday this year, reminds me of something that I’ve been saying for awhile now, this world is forever changed by the COVID-19  pandemic. Which leads to the thoughts of how are they going to stay different? Is the world going to be in a massive paranoia for the next several generations?

Even bigger questions: How are relationships going to change? Are we going to be closer because of this? Are we going to be more selective on who we choose to share our lives with? Seeing a rise in domestic violence, has been an eye opener. I know that I realized that when I would talk to people who would do so much over time, that it wasn’t always about the money, but about the fact that they could get away from the house, and get a break from their families.

I’m a hugger; when I great my friends, I like to hug. It’s always been a sign of affection that I’ve adhered too. Will things be the same afterward, or are we doomed to be slightly apprehensive about it, because of this disease? I personally hope that we can go back and get that connection, the exchanging of positive energies, as I think it is.

I still have those questions about how business is going to be conducted in the future? Are we as a consumer based society, going to go back to buying just for self satisfaction, or are we going to be more mindful where we put our hard earned investment?

Even better: how is this epidemic going to change the face of technology? Where will the advancements go from here? Is communications going to get a better look at? Will we take the lessons from the way Earth has responded and look at a better way to energize our businesses? Communications, business, and the definition of what truly is essential, what a crazy time to start wondering how these will be affected.

I do think that we have a better chance to survive something of this magnitude than when people were around for the Spanish Flu. I’m thankful that we’re all able to stay better connected, even through virtual means. FaceTime, Zoom, Skype, these are just some of the ways we can check in on friends and family and see that they’re doing alright. UPS, FEDeX, and other means from online sources, means that we can have things delivered in record time. This is where technology shines the best. I’m usually one to talk about how technology is going to be the downfall of mankind, however, it can also be used to keep us connected, safe, and I like that idea.

Before I call this a wrap, I would ask a favor of those who actually take the time to read and support my stuff. I’ve got a podcast, and I do these blogs, but I really want to get more interactive with my audience. Please, leave a comment, leave a question. Let’s get a dialogue going. I want to know what you would like me to discuss on one of the many ways I bring content out. I want my readers to feel like I’m writing to their needs or wants. Anyway, like, subscribe, and share so that we can expand the reach of what the message is. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

 

A Walk In the Moonlight

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So, I went out for a walk on Saturday night, and it was clear out. I was surprised by how clear the sky was that night. There was a cloud that cascaded across the sky and was lit up by the moon. It reminded me of looking out across icy dark water, when I was in South Dakota. Looking at the dark, clear sky gave me a feeling that I haven’t had in a long time, peace.

I’ve tried to remain calm through all of this, and I’ve done pretty well so far. I know that I have to keep myself together for the sake of my family, especially since they have the compromised immune systems. That’s been my biggest fear is my family. I mean if it was just me, I wouldn’t be worried as much. However, because of my family, my anxiety has been a bit high.

It has been so much so that I’ve been burying myself in Animal Crossings: New Horizon, just so that I can keep from over thinking things. Yet, thinking about going to work, and the possibility has taken me to thinking about things that I don’t need to think about.

Back to the feeling of peace though, it was a welcomed feeling as these events have affected my sleeping as well. The positive here is that I’m not dealing with insomnia. That usually comes when I’m in a highly stressful situation, or if I’m dealing with my depression.

The world is in a crazy state at this time. I watched a video of someone jumping out of a window in a skyscraper, and landing hard on the ground. This is a dangerous time, not just physically, but mentally too. I think that people who deal with depression and anxiety need to be careful and mindful of their mental health at this time. This is the time that we need to be stronger than ever.

I had a guy come up to me today, and read my shirt, which stated that I was a member of the National Sarcasm Society, and he said that he had the virus and aids. Then he proceeded to cough on me. In my thoughts was that this older gentleman was kind of an asshole. Then I realized that it’s sad because he might be denying what’s happening, because it’s a real situation. I think it’s something that we do to protect our own mental sanity. He didn’t have a mask on, and honestly, might be one of those people who’ll get it. Hell, anyone of us can get it, and that’s a sobering fact.

As I keep getting away from that Saturday night sky, I really wanted to focus on that brief moment in time. As I was feeling at peace, I also had a feeling of clarity, and with that, I knew that everything was going to be alright. I couldn’t even begin to tell anybody how that feeling came about, but I knew it right then. I know that we’re going to have some hard times for a while, but we’ll get through this.

I think that the resiliency of our people are coming from some unexpected places. We’re seeing people coming together to help solve our problems. Yes, our medical staff still needs to supplies and things to take care of themselves.

I’ve heard that some of those places are being asked to take care of Coronavirus patients without protection. This is unacceptable, and the people in charge need to wake up, and realize that all that does is make the problem worse for all involved.

Note: This was last weekend, and I had a week of work between then and now.

While I have an optimistic feeling about things getting better, I’m not going to lie; work has been really long lately. The pace is different and we’re seeing people come through at different times, so it’s kind of feeling like we’ve been doing the eight week of Monday’s in a row.

I mean the situation at work has improved by the fact that we got masks to cover our mouths and noses with while working, but it just seems so long, and I’m having a hard time being motivated to get my extra projects done. I know that it will pass, it’s just a struggle, and I have to get through this.

Now is the time to check on those you know who deal with depression issues. Something like this isn’t good for those who suffer anxiety and over thinking things. I think that overall while I’ve had a few issues, I think that I’m staying fairly sane.

Part of my motivation went out the window this week because it had been raining a good majority of the week. It happened while I was on duty, and while I was off duty. I don’t have any really good rain wear so walking in the rain, just gets me soaked. I did adapt fairly well this week, that is until yesterday(Friday). I think that my tiredness might have something to do with it. Hell, it might just be an excuse, and I shouldn’t let the fact that I don’t have the space I normally would at Flawless Victory be a deterrent for working out. It’s part of that thing that keeps my mental sanity. Sam once told me that the chemical release from the workouts make for the best anti-depressant out there. I’ve discovered how true that is.

Coming back to the subject at hand though: I feel that everything will be alright, it’s just going to take time to get there. Unfortunately if you are to believe the media, there has been a rise in domestic violence since this quarantine has started. I guess that just goest to show that some people aren’t really meant to be together. Work is an escape from the family life-spouse, kids. That’s also why I think parent’s prefer to have their kids in school. It’s not that they don’t love them, it’s just sometimes people feel they need a break.

I guess that I got lucky, because while she drive me crazy at times, I like being around Sarah, I mean we spent so much time together that she’s easy to be around. Plus, I love my kids. I mean Autumn is an adult and stays with her grandparents, which is totally good, because of the fact that we’re so much alike, but I do love my kids.

Little Chris and I share the bond of superheroes and video games. Now I’m also working on educated the little ones in film. Since they both help me on movie sets. Then the fact that they were already doing online schooling makes them being home more normal.

The only thing is that the last time I was on the night shift, they were in regular school and I could get uninterrupted sleep. I find myself waking up when Chris starts to stem. That’s one of the bad things about his autism, otherwise everything else is fine. Getting woken up with just four hours of sleep isn’t fun though.

With that being said, we are living in some strange times, and this is going to test all of us. If not in faith, maybe in fortitude, and we need to be sure that we’re prepared for whatever is thrown our way. I’ll do my best to help keep trying to be that positive light that people need, and that’s why I do what I do. We’re all connected and this whole ordeal has made me realize that I want to be closer to those that I want to have in my life. I want people to actually know that I care and not be someone that just says that.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

If I’m Stuck, What Do I Do?

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What a crazy time we’re in. I find myself struggling with motivation. It’s not because I don’t have my training time with Sam, and it’s not that I don’t have access to a gym. While both are true, neither are a good excuse for slacking off. I’ve been struggling since my time in the Emergency Room from a couple of weeks ago. It drove me crazy to have to sit at home and relax. I then found it hard to get the steps, that I would normally get. It’s been something that I’ve been dealing with for a few weeks, and I’m now trying to get to the point where I’m back in the flow of things.

The good point is that it was a bad reaction to something I ate and not the Coronavirus, and yet here I am, feeling a bit defeated by it. I know that all my progress won’t be undone over night, and to be honest, I’m still eating better than I used too. However, I’m in the process of getting that motivation back and working out.

This week was the week that I decided that I was going to be determined to get everything back on the right track. This world is in a bad place now, and I don’t think that I should let it bring me down to mental levels that I had been before. I want to live, and not just that, but I want to keep my family safe. Being someone who’s considered essential personal, and that would be on a normal basis as well, I have to brave being out in the public dealing with people.

As scary as that is, there have been reports made publicly that we’ve had a case of the virus from the area of where I work. My job is taking what precautions that they can to keep us safe, however, nothing’s ever 100-percent safe. This is the time that I’m glad to be working nights, which limits my exposure to the public.

Surprisingly enough, as much as  I wish normalcy would be back in our everyday lives, I find myself wondering if we will rise up as a people, and come out better because of it. My curiosity is wondering how money is invested, and which technologies are going to be the next big thing. Is this going to change the way people interact on an everyday basis? There’s just the concern that not everyone is taking things serious. With that mentality, we could prolong the time for this to die out. People are already complaining that it’s going on too long as it is.

The sad part is that we’re just now seeing how this epidemic is effecting us, and not just from the health point of view. Businesses that people have gone too for years are shutting their doors, never to reopen. This makes me sad because I know that these places provided income and livelihoods to people in our communities. This was someone’s life, who wanted to own their own restaurants, their own books stores. It’s about people’s life savings being used as investments, just to be obliterated into nothingness.

I actually had a conversation about seeing a news report saying that due to inactivity of businesses and people going out, our environment has improved a bit. While that’s a silver lining, does this mean that we, as a people, will take into serious consideration, renewable energy, green energy. If there was ever a convincing example, this is the time to listen. Alas, people will probably go back to the way things were, as money is the driving factor in this world, and that’s been proven time and time again.

There have been some wonderful examples that have been displayed during this time as well. Celebrities pitching in to donate for medical supplies. Big corporations like Disney, stepping up and continuing to pay their employees, even if they’re not working. It shows that we can be a better society than we normally show to be.

Just a side note: As of this moment, it’s been a few days since I’ve started writing this blog, and I’ve noticed a few things that I will talk about in the upcoming paragraphs.

While I was working last night, I noticed something that I hadn’t really thought about since I ended up having those weeks of taking it easy. The fact was that I finally gave myself enough time to finally get my ankle to be completely healed. It took forever since I was still trying to workout, without losing the momentum I had built up over the last couple of years.

I guess that was the way life was saying the I needed to take that time to allow my body to recover fully. I had never thought of that until I was doing my steps last night. I had finally noticed that the strain was gone from my leg. Hell, even my foot was feeling better than it had been for the last couple of months as well. I’ll take all the struggles that I’ve bee going through as a way of saying that I needed to slow down.

Isn’t it funny how divine intervention happens? Some people want to say that it’s God speaking to them, some want to put it all into fate, or the universe talking to them. It just means that I can get back into training harder again. While this quarantine is going on, I know that when I go out shopping for the necessities that I might see if I can pick up some extra weights while I’m out. I never thought that I would actually want to get something for the house just so that I can do home workouts a bit more effectively.

Speaking of divine intervention, isn’t it a strange thought to know that while this is happening to us with the Coronavirus, that we’re more equipped to stay connected while keeping up with social distancing? I mean look at where our technology is? Amazon, Facebook, FaceTime: just a few of the ways we can reach out and get things done, while staying in the comfort of our homes. I find that video chatting is such a better way to communicate than just through texting or a phone call. It feels like more of a connection to that other person.

It’s easier to shop from home and get things delivered to your house. This makes me wonder what’s going to happen when we get through this pandemic. Where are we going to invest in technology? What businesses are going to survive this recession? How is this going to change the way business is done? These are the things that I’ve been thinking about for some time now.

I was watching a news report on Youtube, it was talking about how the air quality has improved noticeably since the world has been on a quarantine status. It felt like it was one of those silver linings that can be seen during such times of trouble. If anything, it might be a good advertisement for investing in green, renewable energy. I want to be optimistic and hope that the world looks at this as a chance to do better with the way we treat our planet and the people around us.

This was a point that I had made with someone I was dealing with at work, and while they had the point of saying that people will go back to being the way they had been before any of this happened. I know that’s probably the most likely factor as unto what is going to happen, I just wish that it wasn’t the case. Money is what drives society, and I am morose at that idea.

We can do better. We should do better. I’m not ready to resign to people accepting the fate of our own destruction. I think that we can, and should do better. If not for ourselves, then for our children, and our grandchildren. This is the opportunity for the world to take the steps forward and make things better for the future. Non of us should accept the fact that our planet is going to be fodder and have a limited time for people to live here. I don’t want to actually live in a world that’s become like Judge Dredd, or Mad Max. While the stories are entertaining, it’s not the kind of world I would really like to be a part of.

Some final thoughts: I found myself having a bit more motivation in doing the things that I need to do for my health. I’m not totally lost in this craziness, and things are getting easier to complete. I’m going to remain hopeful because if I don’t, I might find myself getting depressed about the subject. I struggle right now because I’m considered Essential Personnel, and not in any “temporary” type status. My job has always been considered essential. It worries me, because I deal with so many people in the public. However, being on nightshift, and talking to people who work at different sections at the compound that I work, they are doing their best to limit exposure as well. So, maybe I won’t be exposed to this mess, and in turn, keep my immune deficient family members safe. This has been where all my stress and focus has been as of late. This is part of the reason that I’ve been playing Animal Crossings: New Horizons as a distraction. It’s some of the most pure and wholesome entertainment that I partake with.

Take care of yourselves. Take this situation serious. If not for yourself, then for those around you, because we’ve had deaths, and some of them have been healthy and in consideration, young. We already now that older and youth, are high risk, as well as those who have compromised immune systems. Do your best to stay out of the exposure area. I personally know four people who’ve been dealing with it, and so far their stories have seemed a bit different, and some of the facts about it have been shocking and frustrating, for these individuals. With that, I’m the director, and that’s a wrap.

Quarantined And Staying Healthy

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There’s a feeling of rebellion when we are told that we should not do something that we take for granted. In the case of this Coronavirus we are told to stay inside and practice social distancing. Some people think that this pandemic is a hoax, that it’s just made up to instill fear. Some brush it off as just another flu strain that’s going around, and that it won’t be as bad as the media is making it out to be.

My daughter has two friend’s both online and out of state, and they have contracted this said virus. Sarah and I have met both in person, and we’ve never gotten the impression that they would do anything to be anything than dishonest. One of these people we’ve known personally for a few years, and has gained our trust.

The truth is, we’re living in some strange times. We’ve survived the biggest earthquake seen in over twenty years. We’ve seen a country become divided with politics. Now, we’re in a pandemic like something the world hasn’t seen, at least in a long time. It doesn’t look to be finishing anytime soon.

I know that people where hoping that we’d be done and over this by the middle of April. As I said before, not everyone is taking this virus serious. Now, our president has pushed the “suggestion” back towards the end of April, of being quarantined. This is something that has put people into a deeper “funk”.

In my opinion, I feel that this isn’t going to turn better until around June or July. Why, you ask? Because people still aren’t taking it serious. I hear businesses aren’t pushing for the safest work conditions, I’m calling you out on that Hobby Lobby.  People thinking that it won’t be that “bad”, walking around acting like it isn’t a big deal. Look, at the suggestion of professionals, that are asking to stay indoors and social distancing, it’s not really about those individuals, but about the one’s who could die.

This is a virus that seems to spread quickly, while it’s easy to manage, not everyone is taking the precautions that need to be taken to decontaminate themselves. I don’t want to bring it into the house where it could potentially get my wife and kid sick, or worse. It’s called responsibility, and I know people who’ve been actually dealing with this in metropolitan areas, and have heard about the precautions that they’re having to take to protect their own families.

Having three cases pop up in our little town has added a bit of harsh reality for some people, myself included. I hoped that it wouldn’t come here and that we were just being cautious for everyone’s safety. Then I heard that someone came up positive at the facilities that I work around. This scares me, and I worry everyday that I’m there about catching it myself, and passing it on.

This is a tough time, both physically and mentally. It’s just as tough, hell even tougher for those who have to make the harsh decisions about what’s going on. The global economy is going down, and America is feeling this hurt. So, if avoidance is the only way to contain the infection rate, is it worth the economical impact that we’re about to see? People are already starting to feel it in their pocket books. The lower and middle class can’t afford to take the time off, because they struggle to get by as it is. Small business owners are facing the uncertainty of if and when their businesses will be back in running. Businesses that have a lifetime of investment for some people. Big corporations will survive, that’s what they do. It’s the smaller shops that worry me.

The reality of death is something most people don’t like to talk about, and this virus has taken about 700,000 as of March 29th, 2020, that is if you are to believe the media. Yet, I feel that there’s going to be more caused by this virus, and it won’t be the virus itself. The truth is, people getting stuck at home are going to get depressed. Some look at work as an escape from the realities of their home lives. Jokes of needing a break from the kids, or from the spouse have been running rampant on social media. Hell, it’s been a cliche for just for such a long-time as it is.

As we lose money from not working, or as the economy crashes down, we’re going to find the suicide rate going up. I hate the thought of it, but money is something that people stress over. It’s part of the reason we have such a high divorce rate in this country. Depression, loneliness, are very real, and I’ve struggled with them my whole life. So, I can only imagine how other’s will struggle with this situation.

Keep busy, that’s probably my best advice for this pandemic. Play games, connect with family. These are just a couple of ways to keep your mind busy, and that’s the trick here. Stay busy. This is a good time to get those “honey do lists” done. Maybe learn a new skill, or catch up on reading that book you’ve been meaning too. There isn’t an excuse to focus on you and relaxing for a bit. Don’t fall back on the old vices that might not have a positive affect on you as a person. Keep your mind strong, as well as your body, because we will get through this.

It’s often said that it’s easier to give advice, then to take it. I’ll be the first to admit that it’s true. I’m pigheaded and often don’t want to listen to my own sound logic, however, if I do end up staying home(and even if I don’t) I’m going to take this time to work on content. I’ve got scripts that I’m writing, I’ve got blogs that need blogging. Plus, working on podcasts is nice as well. So, as a content creator, I think I’ll be fine. The reality at this time is that I’ve pilfered my son’s Nintendo Switch and have been playing Animal Crossings: New Horizons for the last week. Something wholesome and pure, plus really easy to play.

The one plus is that while it’s put a damper on getting Unexpected Side Trip funded, it has also allowed me to play with other stories, and it also gives me the time to actually review the script and maybe give it another go, since I’ve not touched it for several months. Being versatile has advantages in that way, but if it was a big budget Hollywood movie, I think we’d be in trouble.

On a last note about the global impact the Coronavirus is having: We’re becoming a new world, something about the way things are done is going to change. Do we continue on the path we’ve been on for so long? Or do we learn to do things better, differently, maybe more efficiently? I can’t say how we will change as a people, but I hope that it shows that we have a better side than what has shown so far. Fear has brought out the hatred, the bigotry, and this is something that needs to not happen anymore.

Take care of yourselves, and your fellow person. This is the director and that’s a wrap.

Rekindling That Fire

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As I was sick last week, I ended up being motivated to do an off-shoot project. I decided that  I wanted to get some camera work going, and since Unexpected Side Trip hasn’t gotten everything ready to start funding, I decided to do something else. Ed, myself, and a few other creatives had meetings a couple years ago, and were thinking of doing shorts for our next thing, and we couldn’t completely agree with the way we were going to take it. In fact that’s how The Reunion(2019) ended up being that next project.

Since I wanted to start doing something, because filming and any aspect of being creative is something that I need in my life. I had been thinking about a full story, but had a character that I really wanted to start to develop.(I feel like I’m rambling a bit) So, this idea came into my head about just introducing a character in a very short, no budget video, just to work on something. Now with the Coronavirus out break, our poor little thriller is being halted until further notice. Unexpected Side Trip will still get made, just has to stop for the moment.

This is important because while I’ve been enjoying writing, I miss working with my crew. It gives me a high that keeps my spirits up. Being on the nightshift at work has had me in some weird places mentally. I’m not saying that it’s bad, just that I need to find something to give a bit more focus too. Now that I’m back at work, I’ve had to start dealing with what effects the Coronavirus is having on the general public. Again, my mental health needs that distraction.

I was just going to talk about getting the fire back, however I feel that the current event of the Coronavirus outbreak has a need to be discussed, and I will give my opinion about what’s going on. I work with the public so this is a particular hot subject for me right now.

I’m going to start out by saying “shame on you, media, for letting fear mongering get in the way of solid, state of the fact news. Yes, there is a reason to be concerned, but if the advice is followed, we should make it through just fine. For us who have healthy immune systems, this isn’t a concern that we won’t survive it, however our precaution is for the one’s we love: parent’s, spouses, children, friends.

I’ve read how rapid it can spread, and it’s much like any other virus, but again we should be vigilant. This is always, because who really likes to be sick. Sure a normal flu could kill us too. It just pays to be careful. I do it for the sake of my family, because that’s what’s important. As with every decision we make in life, we should remember what’s important to us in life.

The worse part of this epidemic, in my opinion, isn’t the actual virus, but it’s what’s showing how our society is acting towards it. The hoarding of toliet paper, the robbing people of groceries, and the biggest one of all, the blatant racism that has come out towards the people of Chinese decent.

I understand discrimination, being a person who was over weight for so long. Having friends of minority races, I’m baffled by the concept of disliking someone of a different color. Studying the Civil Rights Movement, and Slavery, again, the mindset boggles my mind. I can’t believe that we, as a society, still have this mindset. I figured that we would have been more conscious of the ugliness of our past. Let’s put out more positive, and love. The world can be capable of such wondrous things.

I’m done with my soapbox rant, and actually did start filming the short when I started this blog, so I’ll get back to that regular scheduled topic at hand.

It was exciting, the energy that comes out of filming is always great. The crew had fun all around, and it was exactly what was needed. It reminded me of why I love doing what I do. There was something different about this project though as I was actually in front of the camera, and not really worrying about the behind the camera work. Sarah was assistant director, as Little Chris was camera, and assisting with sound. Bringing in my sound guy Chris Matthews was great because he’s such an asset to the team. It’s good to build a good team, and there isn’t too many people better to have on my crew than Alisa Wiggin, because she’s been involved with everything since, my school projects. She’s proven that loyalty is an important quality

It was fun to take Sarah’s cousin and give him a role to act out. The character is a bit out of place for him, and this is his first time acting, but I’ve never shied away from actors with no experience. I’ve built my acting stable with a good variety of both, just the non-actors are the majority of who I’ve worked with. This was fun to take something and just turn around and do it without much time to prep. It was a way to challenge ourselves as a team, and it kept me on my toes with the variety of jobs we each do.

I find the challenge in coming out with some content, and keep it brief. This project was going well, but our batteries where failing us, and then the weather got crappy, so we decided to push the rest of filming until the next weekend. This does a few things for us. It gives me a bit more time to polish the script, some extra time to get it to flow better, and we should be more organized for the shoot, and get it done in a quicker amount of time, while also having a better weather.

So, I’m going to give you a preview of what The Driver is all about. Marcus Ballinger is a driver for a crime lord. He’s been working for the organization for fifteen years. One night things seems to go bad for a younger member of the group and Marcus is to meet with this kid and find out where things went wrong.

So, this character had been nagging at the back of my head, ever since my friends got their house, which seems like it could be a Columbian drug lords place. Plus, I’ve been wanting to get away from just tragic stories, because I’m growing as a storyteller and want to challenge myself.

With that being said, keep following the brands at: https://www.facebook.com/Luckeybomfilms/ https://www.facebook.com/ChrisKeelingProject/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/211929539208755/

During this quarantine we’re going to be adding content to all three. That’s between when I do have to work still. You can also find all three brands on: Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr. We also bring out podcasts frequently, so keep a look out for that. Remember when you see new content from us, give us a like and subscribe. It feels rewarding to know when people are paying attention to what we’re doing. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

A Scary Thing Happened Before Work

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I had been sick for the last couple of days, but I felt well enough to go to work finally yesterday. I got ready, and then I worked on my time card, so I thought that I was going to have a good shift last night. Unfortunately, I found that the sides of my abdominals were starting to feel like they were squeezing me, as if I had been bounded in a girdle.

This started a chain reaction of me feeling hot, so I went outside a few times and when I came back in the final time, my sides were really squeezing me and then I started having trouble breathing. It was easier to take in air than to breathe out.

I needed up taking an ambulance to the emergency room. The struggle breathing had caused me to throw up. While it wasn’t pleasant, it did help me feel better. Partly because it seemed to take the squeezing on my torso. I also found that flexing them ended up helping to some extent. I was scared, especially since I couldn’t control it.

The fact is that I hate the hospital. I’ve spent too much time there throughout my life. I spent a couple of months when I was a young teen. I spent weeks in a coma, and then I spent three weeks in rehab. Plus, there are more times with my ex-wife that we’d spend time there as well.

Sarah and the kids have spent more time in those beds than I would care to have experienced there. It all started when Sarah was pregnant the first time. She has hyperemesis gravidarum, which is a rare ailment that causes pregnancy to be tough on the body. This wasn’t something we knew about at the time, but has come more too light since Kate Middleton had it when she was pregnant.

Back to the issue at hand, with me spending so much time in hospitals, it’s always weird when I’m the one that needs to be seen. I can’t seem to sit still as it is, as I’m fidgety as it is. I find that I hate sitting still at home as well. I constantly shuffle in my sit as it is when I’m at home. Being sick is something that makes it worse. Now that I’ve become more active, that makes things even worse.

Having the situation happen the other night,  was scary. I hate not having control over my own body. This is something that I think got worse as I got heavier, because I realized that I didn’t have control like I used too. I find when I can get picked up and thrown that it’s the same thing. I’m not used to moving for anything but the power of my own feet. This is something I have to over come, but when I couldn’t control my breathing that was the worst, and that’s why I hate getting sick. I lose control, which makes me uncomfortable.

It bring home how my wife feels about the way her body is going. I also understand why older people seem to get cranky with age. It takes away from something that they had been able to handle their whole lives. The phycological effects are something I can’t even begin to understand. How we deal with this type of situation is what shows the kind of people we are. This could be why some people decide to end their lives over something like this. I could understand that frustration and have that kind of thought pattern come to mind. I also can see how people would decide to be stronger and continue on despite the issues that might come on.

I’m glad Sarah has chosen to be the one to continue on, because she really is the captain of this ship. She keeps the household together in a way that I would really have to take the time and learn, or realize how to do things. I can take care of the kids just fine, but it’s not the same as having their mother take care of them. I’m often time the biggest kid in this house. However, I do have the realization that there is a time and place for that and responsibility. Maybe that’s another reason I hate being sick?

I know that I shouldn’t feel guilty when I’m home sick from work, but I realize that sometimes it becomes a struggle on my co-workers when I’m not there, or at least that’s how I feel. It’s something  that I’ve experienced at work being one to work without that extra help. However I also know what it’s like to have sick co-workers coming to work and spreading the sickness around. It’s funny how contradictory life gets like that, wanting the cake and eating it too.

That’s the frustrating part because we have that hypocrisy, yet sometimes I understand that. It’s like telling our children to do as we say and not as we do. Is that because we want our children to do better than we do? I can almost guarantee that any decent parent would say yes. I know that my goal in life as a parent is just that: I want my kids to do and be better than I am, or I ever was. That’s not to say that I’m horrible or a bad person, but I know that I also slacked off, and could have done better myself when I was younger.

Anyway, this Corona virus seems to be serious, and all I can say is that be careful while being out there. If you’re relatively healthy, then you have less to worry about than someone who  is elderly, or auto immune deficient.  That’s not to say not to take it serious, just be careful, and keep in mind those who struggle with low-income, and those who have small children. I think that the middle-class and the rich are going to be okay, but those of us who tend to struggle from paycheck to paycheck, have the real problems going on.

I have a friend who is fearful that the food in stores will be completely wiped out and she’s got small children that she needs to feed. I can hear the comments of, “well, they should have prepared for this already,” and while I can picture that being said, I also am mindful of what kind of situation she’s in. This is California after all, and minimum to just above minimum wage jobs aren’t enough to pay for everything and have a comfortable living. So that means it’s harder for people to take time off, or prepare efficiently for this “pandemic”.

Some of the uglier things that come out of this “emergency” is just how much upper and lower classes are different. The upper class can take a few days off and survive just fine. The lower class have to scrap and earn just to get by. That’s why it’s easier to say take a day off then the realities of actually taking the day off. Sometimes, that day off is the difference between paying a bill or having utilities being shut off.

So please, be kind to each other, this is just the start, and I feel that it’s more of a media induced panic than helped anybody get through this. If you need to talk about this, you should be able to reach me on here, Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChrisKeelingProject/, Twitter: https://twitter.com/ckproject, or my e-mail at ckproject@zohomail.com. Remember to like and subscribe to my blog, and various social medias. The support is always appreciated. This is the director and that’s a wrap.