Author: CK Project

In 2011, I started the CK Project as a way to hold myself accountable during my weight loss journey. In 2013 I had a mental breakdown and almost ended my life. A year later I found myself in a position to reflect on my choices in life and decided to turn my life around. I started blogging on Facebook to help myself heal, and to show others that my mental health struggles weren’t the end of my journey. I used this as therapy, and a way to reach out to others who might be struggling. In 2016, I started blogging on Wordpress, and it was a way to help spread the word of my own experiences. I got back into the weight loss journey in 2017 and had the Gastric Sleeve done in December 2017. I’m open about my struggles with depression and anxiety that sometimes comes with it.

Something Big Is Brewing

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I’ve gotten off from a great weekend. I got in an excellent workout on Saturday, published two blogs, broke down a script, and did a podcast. It was a great weekend, full of productivity, plus it was nice to give my three brands the love and attention they deserve.

As much as I’ve been struggling lately with the stars in life, it’s always good when I can get a weekend of positivity in. Mentally, being creative helps save me from myself. I can pour the energy and focus into it. It’s almost like an emotional rest for me. It gets complex, because of what emotions can develope from my writing.

I find that as a writer, I’m quite different than as person. In the real world, I’m generally positive, funny, and laid back. There isn’t much that upsets me, accept the enternal struggle with my mind.

As a writer, the subject tone is usually serious, and deep. I think that deep down, this is a way that I might be working through some of my emotional things. They say that a writer pours a bit of themselves into the characters. So, that either leads me to believe that the tragedy and traumas that I’ve suffered, might have helped lead me understanding a bit about other events that I might not have suffered myself.

At the same time, I know that anything I write, I would like guidance to give it authenticity. As I wrote the project Unexpected Side Trip, I wanted to represent the LGBTQA community as much as possible for the lead characters. As I work on the project I’ll be doing after, I want to do it justice as it deals with how people deal with grief from the loss of their child to juvenile leukemia. While I haven’t lost a child myself, I’ve had friends and family that have, and I want to represent it in the best possible light that I can. This is important to me, because this story has been in development for the last four years, and I’m just now able to get back to writing it.

We are working on some ideas to present with the Geekultural Experience, as right now the podcasting is some off the easier things to do. At the same time, it’s been a bit slow to gain momentum. https://anchor.fm/geekultural-exp/episodes/Cosplay-and-Halloween-e5d4v5 here’s the episode in case you’re interested in seeing what it’s all about. We’re thinking about hitting another convention for one day as we’re still really just trying to find our niche in this world.

Now, the big one that most people come to read about on these blogs, the CK Project. We’ve been working on merchandise, and I’ve had a few of the shirts made, and I think that they’re good quality. We just got some pull-over hoodies designed and in various colors. The response is great, and I’ve got a few people who’ve said that they were going to buy something. As this is going for motivation for weight loss and for mental health awareness, we’re looking to turn this into a non-profit organization. I think that I’m both excited and torn by this idea, but if it helps get the message out, then I’m all for the affect of progressing to something a bit different.

As for my progress, I’m currently at a stand still on my weight. I did however up the weight that I’m lifting. twenty-pounds added to my deadlift, and I felt like I was going to die. I’ve progressed on my kettle-bell, and the dumbbells that I’ve been using to do military presses.

I find that my circuit training had started getting to a point where I wasn’t getting the sweat like I had. I do also realize that going heavier comes with the complications of being able to injure myself easier, that’s why form is important. With that, I’m trying to take a bit more time with my reps so that I can be sure that I don’t hurt myself. Yet, I think this was also something I needed to help me get past this five-pound curse.

I will be checking-in with my doctor’s office tomorrow so that I could get back into my check-ins and to start the discussion of getting the skin-removal-surgery. I’ve been feeling uncomfortable in my skin lately. As I’ve been going along, I’ve started to feel that the surgery’s the answer that I need. Itchy, uncomfortable skin is a thing, so I’m going to deal with it until I don’t have to anymore.

I know that I put off my last appointment because of the fact that we had some earthquakes during that time. Now, I feel that I hadn’t because there’s something inside of me that’s afraid of getting the surgery. I’ve heard that it’s painful, and to be honest, I’m a bit anxious about having another surgery. That would include having to take off another six-weeks from work.

I guess that it’s the unknown that keeps me hesitant. I also know that I talk about self-improvement, so I should just take the plunge. This would be career wise as well. At least this is something that I’ve been actively taking into my hands over the last few years. It’s been slow, but with the weight loss, I’ve learned that I can and do deserve to be able to grow professionally.

I’m the director and that’s a wrap.

Please Pass The Fat Free Content

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Going with the weight loss journey has brought forth several things to for me. As I’ve lost weight, my ambitions have pushed me to want to do more. Being open about my weight problems, and mental issues has been the most therapeutic thing that I’ve ever done. As I’ve stated before, the physical and mental state of a person’s body go hand-in-hand, and the state of one usually reflects the state of the other.

Getting exercise in, is one way to help keep the depression at bay. It’s a way to show one’s self that things can be accomplished as long as you have determination. I find that my phycological self tends to limit me from doing complete range of motion for some of the exercises. I noticed that it comes down to the fear of injuring my knees. I also hate the fact that I have a fear of falling backwards.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve had hurt my knees before, and the falling comes from the fact that I’ve suffered severe head trauma. As long as I get assistance, I’m not afraid go down in a lunge. Being heavy-set for such a long time has really done some damage, and brought about self-doubt about the things I can do.

This leads me to believe that while your mind is your most powerful asset, it can also sabotage your success. Ever feel like you need to eat do to time instead of hunger? Yeah, me too. As a matter of fact, it still tends to happen, then I have to remind myself that I need to pay better to what my body is saying instead of what my mind is telling me.

So I have this mind that has so much negativity thrown on me my whole life that I still have issues getting over the verbal damage as well. Remember, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me? That’s totally bullshit, why you ask? I still hear the taunts and names that I was called as a child. How’s that for having something define your life choices for so long. I do have a tolerance for people staying stupid things these days, so it takes something more original to really get me going.

The crazy part about the weight loss journey and the mental health awareness is the fact that they do go hand-in-hand. When I set out to do the gastric sleeve, I only thought about how it was going to affect me physically, In ever thought about how it was going to change me mentally. The truth is that I’ve been fundamentally changed for the better. I don’t have the negative outlook in life that I once did. I’ve become more positive, and it wasn’t like I was trying to force it, or fake it until I made it.

All any of it ever had to do was  start by taking the little steps forward. Talking about the things that bothered me. Some people have told me that I was brave for opening myself and my experiences up to others. While I’m glad that it’s guided people in  better directions, it’s only part of the reason why I do the things I do. The other side of that truth is that talking about it, takes the power have what happened away. The more I talk about it, the less power those events have on me. I can accept that what did happen isn’t the defining moments of my life.

With that being said; I find that sticking to mental health, and occasionally weight loss isn’t as easy to talk about any more. I mean I started talking about my mental health issues to help sort out my own feelings and leave an example for others to follow. I don’t struggle with them like I used to.

Yes, I still have an occasional bout of depression and insecurity, but over all, I’m in one hell of a better place than I was before. Now, I have to witness my wife go through these struggles with her Crohn’s Disease. This ends up being something that gets hard for me to deal with as I watch her get more discouraged as something new shows up with the things she deals with.

I sometimes find it hard to talk about the weight loss journey because I plateau, and it can be for long periods of time. I get frustrated getting stuck between a four and five pound difference. I know that eventually I will over come this, but it’s discouraging just the same. Again, remember the things we’ve been talking about the mind? Yeah, this is one of those things I was referring too.

In the end, we all have to choose the journey that we follow. Some of us choose to follow the journey to try and obtain the ultimate answer to eternal youth. Some look to follow the path to fortune and fame. Some of us look to better health. I myself follow the journey for better self-improvement. It has brought me closer to a section of people who share the common journey, and I’ve grown so much because of it. Especially in such a short time. Keep mindful on where your journey takes you.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

The Next Step-Ready to Go with Weight Loss

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Last week I went in for a series of tests.  They did an EKG, checked out my arms and legs for blood clots, did an ultrasound of my stomach and heart. Wednesday night I had a sleep study, and Thursday morning, I had a Endoscopy.  It was an experience that I won’t forget.  When they took a scan of my sinuses, I felt like Bill Bixby in The Incredible Hulk(1978) television series.

So now that I’m well on my way to actually doing this, I feel that I have to get my butt in gear and actually start getting a bit of exercise.  I’m currently focusing only dual class schedule at the moment, but I’ve got a good momentum going that I think I will take a hike this weekend.

So many changes are getting ready to happen, and while I’m excited, I’m also terrified with the fact that these changes are big.  I found out from my sleep test that I might have sleep apnea, but I need to set up another test so that I can go down and sleep with a mask on( yay me).  I will update you more later.

Lose And Gain

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So, it’s been a while since I’ve done the official “weight-loss” update. Here goes; I gained four pounds. Yep, that’s the official update, I’m back up to 264 pounds. I’m not even mad, I knew the plateau’s and the weight gains would just all be apart of the process. So remember that!

You see the commercials on television and in print ads that someone can help you drop all the weight you want by a pill or a drink, with minimal work. It doesn’t work that way, ever. The truth is that while you will drop the weight, there will be times that you level out, and even gain some. Remember that it’s just part of the journey, and I know that’s the part that people hate.

It’s the plateau’s and the gains that cause most people to quit. I mean who wants to see the number stick or go up? We didn’t get into losing weight to see the momentum go anywhere but down? I gained five pounds, and I’ve worked so hard not to gain, what kind of bullshit is this?

I remember the first time I plateau’d after my surgery, God it was frustrating! Man it was the longest time before I dropped weight again(actually it was like three weeks). I don’t think I got mad at myself, but it was disappointing. Yet, I knew even then that it was part of the process, but after seeing my first hundred pounds just melt off, it sucked.

I think some habits have also snuck back into my life, especially since I’ve been in a bit of a stressful situation. I still have a win because one, I’m aware of it, and two, I’m still staying active. I’m going to overcome this situation. This is just another bump in the road that I have to overcome.

Mentally, I’ve been a bit down, but nothing too discouraging to know that I can’t overcome it. The mind is your most powerful weapon that you have. If you believe, then you can achieve. I know that my mind tells me that I can’t do things, like lunges. It doesn’t let me do lunges, and it makes me feel afraid that I’ll injure my knee. I don’t ever recall injuring my knee that way, but it makes it hard for me to go down without some sort of support. If I use a chair, then I know that I can do it.

On the positive side, I’ve been learning about various exercises from the Men’s Health Magazine, Twitter page. One of the exercises, that I’m excited about is the Mt. Climber, I’ve seen it done, but I realized that when I’ve done it before, I didn’t have the proper form for doing it. Another exercise is called the Halo. It’s an exercise that can use either a dumbbell or a kettlebell and it works the shoulders. This one excites me because it hits the shoulders from several angles. A third exercise that I’ve seen on video from Twitter is called a pike press. Modified, I think it would be a good exercise for me to do a shoulder press.

Another thing that I can say that is on the positive side, is that I’ve been looking into what kind of mindset an entrepreneur should have. I know that it’s going to take time, and a massive amount of hard work, but I will get there. I also know that I’m pushing for “maximum effort” because while one brand, or business is a full-time job, I have three that I’m working on.

With that, this is where things get a bit more convoluted, the CK Project is my oldest and most popular of my brands.  It’s great because I find that it’s the easiest to give most of my attention too. I support the fact that I get to help others with mental and physical guidance. This is what helped me become a happier person, and the privilege to help others has been fulfilling.

The birth of The Geekultural Experience actually spun-off of a group that I helped create called The Geeks of the IWV.  The group was formed as a way to help my friend cope with the death of her son, and it’s done fairly well. While The Geekultural Experience started on Facebook, it seems to have a better following on Twitter. I find that I get the news on Twitter so much easier more readily than Facebook.

While I enjoy my these brands and they fill a very different aspect of my life, the one I’m most looking forward to picking up is my film company, Luckey Bom Films. It’s more because I would love to have them all to be more equal then they are, but I’m sure this will get there at some point. It’s hard trying to keep things sorted out, and each get more attention, at different times when the focus can shift to what’s taking the more precedence at the time.

What would you like to see me talk about? Is there anything you think could help take my brands to another level? Leave a comment, and let’s start a dialogue, I’d love to interact and get feed back on the things I’m doing. After all, criticism is just a tool for improvement. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Hard Work For Better Gains

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As with anything else in life, you get what you put in. Eating right can some times be hard, especially since there are so many temptations being marketed out there. I find that it can be hard also because most “healthy options” are costly. Yet, this is an essential part of the weight loss journey.

Exercise is the second part that is essential for the weight loss journey, and is just as important as eating right. The harder the workout, the better the progress for shape and strength. This is something I struggle with because I find it hard to push through at times. I want that brief second of rest so that I can power through the rest of my sets. It’s usually right as I’m getting to my fourth round of my circuit training. Every time I do push, I feel like I want to die after my workout, which is a good sign.

Then it comes the really hard push, that will give me the momentous gains. That’s my brands. Working on one brand is a full-time job as it is, but I’m taking it even farther by having three brands that I work on. This is where I feel most of my success comes from, it gives me the focus that I need to carry out all my plans.

I have filled my life with all these positive things that keep me going in the right direction. I’ve had times where I was lost and I wasn’t sure where I needed to go, or where I wanted to go. With depression, there is many times that I would doubt myself. I would feel unworthy, I would feel like a failure. I felt that the world would be a better place without me.

With this mental level, I felt that my family would carry-on and eventually find better life if I no longer existed. At this time, I also felt that I was the worst person ever and undeserved of love. This is what depression feels like. Yet, if you would ask if I was okay, then I would say yes, because I didn’t want to burden anybody. I felt that I needed to deal with it on my own.

This is why I evolved the CK Project. It started out as a weight loss thing, to hold myself accountable, but after my period in the darkness, I had to make it something more. After watching people be affected by seven suicides, I knew that I needed to do something else. I felt guilty for having those feelings, I felt even more guilty that I wasn’t able to reach out to these people and try to let them know that they weren’t alone in this struggle.

I took my experience, and decided to use my story as an example that there are other ways then suicide, there are better options. At this time, I didn’t consider myself a survivor. All I wanted to do was help someone else. This was at a time that I still didn’t see the “value” in my own life.

Once I found purpose with going to school, things started to change. I found my direction, and the accomplishments that I was doing started to add value to myself. Investing in myself, was the right choice, and once I got to be a director, I found the thing that was going to keep me going.

By this time, I was getting used to putting in the hard work, but I needed to gain more. See what I did there? So, I was in the last leg of my schooling, and I started to realize that I wanted to change more because I didn’t like the way I was physically feeling. I felt that I wasn’t in the body I was supposed to have, and I was ready to change that too.

So, I started to look into having the gastric sleeve surgery. I had heard that it was the safest option, and I’ve known people who had it done, with no regrets. At that time, I decided that I hadn’t heard anything about the negative side, and one of my best friend’s had also considered the surgery, so I decided that I would blog about it, both the good, and bad. I wasn’t going to hold anything back.

So, using my CK Project platform, I decided that my experience could be used as a tool for others to learn from. I realized that it went full circle from weight loss to mental health, back to weight loss, but I didn’t fully realize the connection between the two.

This is why I keep so busy, because everything I do, outside of work is just another way in attempt to have an outlet. It was a struggle when I felt that I didn’t have that release from the stressful situations, and it just brought me down. I find things that could serve more than one purpose for me.

This blog is the perfect example, as it started out as something for a class, I did a bit of research after and discovered that this was a good place to start out as a blogging site. I decided that this would be a better platform than Facebook to talk about my issues, and it would make it easier to distribute on other social medias. So, where does this serve more than one purpose? Well, I figured that blogging would help me sort out my thoughts, and it has in so many ways. It also helped me as a writer, that was the other thing that I wanted, to be a better writer.

So, I’ve gained a therapeutic way to sort my feelings and experiences while using my struggles and examples to help others, and it has helped me with the written word, and to think as a writer. I’ve gone from writing an average of 412 words per blog, up to over 830 words a blog. My scripts have gotten better and longer as well.

So, my suggestion for everyone is to put in the hard work. The reason is because you’ll benefit and grow in way that would be unexpected. How do you find the motivation? Do the things you love, damn what others might say, unless you’re a serial killer or something, that’s not a good thing. Too many people seem to lose passion from their lives, and passion is a strong guide and motivator. Self-improvement is the best investment any person can have, because it isn’t something that can be taken away.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

Why We Should Uplift Each Other

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There’s been a lot of unfortunate circumstances that have been surrounding my life and the lives of people I know. These are things that are common in the lifecycle, i.e. death, growing older; and yet it doesn’t make life any easier. With that, I find that it’s difficult to maintain a stasis of positivity.

I know that this is just a phase, and that I’m going to overcome this situation. As a matter of fact, putting in a bit more effort in a few places has already made me feel a bit better as it were. It’s just frustrating when I don’t always feel like I’m getting a handle on my own situation. That’s totally on me, and when I’m getting offed the help, I’m reluctant to take it, because I’m used to doing on my own.

Things in life happen that can go unexpectedly, and that’s why we should be mindful on how we treat each other. Even with me going through this personal strife, I always try to remain kind. In a work environment like mine, it’s not always easy. When you have to constantly deal with people who come off self-entitled, and are rude if you inconvenience them, it get difficult. I have the general rule that I’ll treat everyone professionally and kind, but if I get treated poorly, I will change the way I interact with people.

Forgive me, I seem to be getting off track.

However people are, sometimes the kind word could change their day. Sometimes, the kindness shown can change the entire direction of someone’s path. I know for a fact that letting someone know that they have someone who care can save a life. There are days that I think about how some people have left this world, and the tragedy that comes from the after effects of it.

I had a few friends over the last month lose their lives in car accidents. One wasn’t wearing a seatbelt while being struck by another vehicle at a red light, and the other apparently lost control of her vehicle. Both were shocking, and the ripple affects have been profound on myself and the other’s around me. It hit’s home when they are closer to my age, and I think it’s always an eye opener on how we need to tell those we love, how we feel.

Why is it people feel entitled to bringing others down? Why is it that people have to feel the bitterness of jealousy with others success and have joy in other’s pain?

I’ve been there on several occasions, I can admit that I’ve not always been great at being a good person. That’s where having a hard look at myself paid off. This was at a time that I couldn’t process dealing with my own emotional baggage. I think that’s the way it could be for a majority of people.

We live in a society that shuns getting professional help to deal with the mental stresses of life. We live in a society where males are expected to be macho, and show alpha traits in public. That showing a soft side is considered weak, and makes them easy prey. “Only the strong survive.”

I think society is slowly getting better at changing this way of thinking. I’m fortunate that I wasn’t ever condemned as a kid for being emotional, and I would cry at emotional moments in life. However, my mental state changed after I got into my accident in 1992. I think that we all just need to be more emotionally supportive of each other, then maybe we wouldn’t have so many shootings, and violence would be down a bit.

I really don’t want to go into politics on here, because my social media is filled to the brim of people on both sides of the isle. I just want to say a word of caution: while people want to bash either side, that they don’t share view points with; the reason that things aren’t working in the best way is because there isn’t any bipartisanship. We need that balance to be successful. Just because someone doesn’t agree with you on something doesn’t mean that they don’t have a valid point, just keep in mind that we all come with different view points.

Now that I’m off of my soap box, my point is sometimes someone is going through some hard times, and it helps when they get uplifted, it could mean a world of difference.  This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

 

Helping Others Through The Journey

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Through Facebook, I’ve made several contacts in the Gastric Sleeve support groups. Through Twitter, I’ve made several contacts in the weight loss journey. It’s not only nice to network through these, as we all have common goals, and interests, but it’s a great feeling to be able to provide guidance throughout the process. It’s even better when you can bask in their successes with them.

I’ve recently befriended someone who doesn’t feel like she’s got the best support system at home, so  I’ve offered to be her support system. I can only imagine what it would be like to go through this process without the support that’s needed to get there. I’ve been more than abundantly blessed with the people I surround myself with. I attribute it to the kindness and charisma that I present.

That means, that treating others the way you would want to be treated is kind of a key rule if you want to get that support system that is needed. Do unto others and all that kind of philosophy in life. I can attribute that as how I live, and it’s done me well so far.

This brings up something else I’ve been trying to accomplish; being the support system people need. I’m aware that not everyone has the support they need, but I’m here to say that if it’s needed, reach out. I’ll be that cheerleader, I’ll be that guide. Everybody needs a safe place to turn when things seem bleak, or when things don’t seem right.

While I’ve felt like I’ve slacked off a bit, I’m continuing my journey, and I’m keeping up with what I’m supposed to do. I know that I’ve always been in my head about things, and I think that might be what keeps me going in the right direction. I feel that keeping mindful, does help me to know what I need to work on. This is something that I didn’t quite have in the past.

At the same time, I have the never ending battle within myself that wants to do the opposite. There hasn’t been times that I’ve wanted to give up, and I think that’s a check-mark in the right direction. My clothes are telling me that I’m doing the right thing as they seem to be getting bigger on me as well.

This isn’t a journey that’s ever going to stop. It’ll evolve, it’ll grow, but it will never stop. It’s also a journey that’s lead to other journey’s. The biggest fact on my weight loss journey is that it took a cross path to a mental health awareness. Mental health has been something I’ve dealt with just as long as my weight. The only difference is that I didn’t have the resources to deal with my depression.

All this experience, is available to those who ask for it. I’m willing to share, and if it’s something that I personally can’t give an answer for, then I’ll do my damnedest to help find the right direction to go for those answers. I do have a friend in the phycological profession that I turn too for finding resources at times. She’s been a good friend for years, and I adore her company.

This is a world that would benefit if we all would be kinder and willing to help get through our struggles. However, there are negative energies in society that would rather watch the suffering and pain of others. It’s sad that greed and pettiness tend to dominate the world around us. While individuals are starting to get “woke” to what’s going on around them, progress is slow and it’s going to take time before we get to the state where we’ve evolved enough to realize how silly greed and pettiness are.

Yet for the sake of transparency, I have these brands that I strongly support. The CK Project  seems to be my more popular one, and I have merchandise for sale. The goal is for the hope that my experience can help make me some money and help support the movement, and support my family. I would love for this to be my full-time job. I would hope that this would one day be one of my main focuses, aside from Luckey Bom Films, and The Geekultural Experience. 

So, if you find that you support my message, and that my experiences have helped, please take a look at: https://teespring.com/stores/the-ck-project. Not only is this a way to represent the CK Project, but it helps get things moving in a better direction for us to keep going, and becoming more independent. It’ll allow us more time to dedicate to the movement, and other projects that we’re involved in. Also, don’t forget that we have a podcast, that we’re working on providing a weekly show at: anchor.fm/CkProject/. This podcast is available on seven different listening platforms.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

 

Just Keep Going

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I’m looking at bettering myself professionally. I’ve been trying to put in a few applications in to a few paces and see where it takes me. After all, I didn’t get that promotion at work, and it might just have been a way of saying that I should put in and see where life wants to take me. This is something that takes precedence with my motivation as of late.

It’s not that I dislike my job, it’s just I need to make some moves that can get me more money than I’m getting right now. Yes, there are things that I don’t agree with, but there are more pluses about this job than not. It’s been something that I had to figure out, but I do enjoy the interaction at work. There’s just things that make it all frustrating, and I’m trying to address those things.

I have a hurdle to overcome and I feel that it’s something that’s been holding me back in many aspects of my life. Wanna know what it is? I think that it’s marketing; plain and simple. I know that resume’s are supposed to be a way to market yourself unto employers. Let’s face facts, I think I could learn a thing of two about marketing my brands.

I think that with confidence, I’m better at talking doubt my brands because I can sell the passion that I have. Being told that I’m “an inspiration” by people might be the way I have to market myself. My charisma has always been something that I knew I would have to have, because my looks were always considered “undesirable” by the one’s I was attracted too.

Maybe my own condense and low-self-esteem is what has prevented me from being better at marketing myself? I think that I need to take the time to contemplate it, because I’m not the same person that I was. I feel better, and I’m more motivated to do things, even when things seem to be piling on. That’s life, and it doesn’t bother me as much as would be thought. At the same time, I’ve gotten better at reacting to the circumstances surrounding the various situations.

So, I want to ask the reader a few questions: let’s start with this, what would you like to see from me? I’ve gotten into designing shirts, and stickers, plus a few other items, but I’m sure there is something people would like to see, what is it that you would like to see the CK Project, offer?

Even better, for those who do read on Facebook, Tumblr, what is it that you think I should offer? What do you see are my strengths? Part of the reason I ask, is because I want to get more interaction from my readers. I want to start a conversation, and not just have people lurking. I want this to feel like something that starts a conversation and keeps going. I believe in you.

That goes for being humbled by the people I see in my life. I get many people saying that they keep up with my stuff, even if they don’t comment, and they are inspired and excited to see the progress, but I want this to be a discussion. How do we better ourselves? What kinds of things would be of great benefit for me to talk about?  How can I get you to join in the conversation?

I think this would help me better market myself, and improve the things that I’m already doing.  Here is my new merchandise store: https://teespring.com/stores/the-ck-project

This is the latest podcast on Bullying: https://anchor.fm/CkProject/episodes/Bullying-Ep–1-e4tkig/a-abgq9b.

I think that’s about it for this blog. This is the director and that’s a wrap.

 

Turning Up The Motivation

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I have so much going on in life. I have many things that could knock me down and keep me from moving forward, yet I choose to keep my head up. I’ve got so much else going on in my head that keeps me going forward. Recent events have reminded me that it’s all in how you respond to the situation at hand.

One of the things that has come up with the change of shifts is that now I’ve been reminded of what the heat is like. I choose to continue to get my steps in, and I’ve had to pay attention to how my body feel so that I don’t over exert myself. I had to take some time and cool off so that I wouldn’t get sick while working. It’s something that I have to be more mindful of as other’s including myself have suffered from heat stress at work.

The scale hasn’t been my friend lately as I’ve not been consistent on when I weight myself and what I’m wearing. My numbers have been jumping around from about two-sixty to about two-six-eight. Those numbers feel a bit deceiving as I’ve weighed on different scales. It’s strange because my clothes still feel like they’re getting bigger on me.

I’ve been having a strange feeling of being uncomfortable in my skin lately. It makes it feel itchy, and sticky. I know that I wear protective wear at work, but it really doesn’t help me being conscious of how much extra skin I have. This has been a new sensation for me, and I feel at odds with it. I find myself battling with wanting to rip my skin off, and wanting to continue to push myself past this to lose more weight.

Something that we ended up doing last weekend was visiting Disneyland. It was something that we had been planning for awhile and we took Sarah’s cousin with us. It was good to watch someone experience their first time, and watching the reactions of my kids are always the best. I laughed at the shouts of joy and fear. I smiled watching everyone get excited for the drops and turns. Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge was the whole reason we decided to go, so we could check it out finally.

The exciting part of the trip was that I got to stand under the Millennium Falcon, my twelve-year-old-self got to experience something that I never thought that I’d be able to do. The land was exciting,  yet crowded. Seeing the droids, and the different collectables were very nice. We even had breakfast there. This experience really made me realize a few things about The CK Project.

The CK Project is more than about mental health awareness, and my weight loss journey. It’s about living life to the fullest, while bettering one’s own personal self. I think next summer we’ll start going on more adventures. One of the things I want to do is white water rafting. I also want to go cliff diving, and more challenging hikes. Experiences are better than any thing that can be bought in a store. Shared experiences and adventures are what I love to do with my family and friends. I feel that it brings us together and strengthens the bonds we share.

Now more than ever, I think it’s important to remind those we love that we do love them. Hold them, embrace them, remind them that they are important. Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve lost people that I’ve known for years, and it reminds me  of the important things in life. That is one of the unfortunate things about getting older; the fact of mortality reminds us more often than not, that life is often too short, and there are times that we take for granted the things we have.

I guess that’s where my motivation has been lately: thinking about the important things. Keeping the outlet going for me to find a level-headedness. Life tends to throw things at us, and it can build up to an unmanageable pile, if we let it get there. I’m doing my best, and that’s all anyone can expect of anyone else.

Well, for a bit of cross promotion, I’m getting ready to do the final parts of the pre-production process to film my next short. Now’s the time to break it down into smaller, more manageable parts. The next process is breaking down the script into a list of characters, props, and scene pieces that are needed.

On top of that, The CK Project is getting ready to march in it’s second parade, and I’m finding things that I will need for a later time to represent the brand better. I feel like a banner will be something that I need to obtain for future things that I’ll be involved with, i.e. videos, marches. What a time to feel like things are really starting to pick up.

This is the director and that’s a wrap.

 

Reflection on Mortality

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If there’s anything that I’ve really given thought to lately, it’s mortality. Over the last week, I’ve known three people to have passed beyond the living. One was an older gentleman, who it wasn’t too surprising, yet knowing him put is passing into my mind. His passing didn’t really bother me, yet the other two, that’s where my thoughts have been affected.

The second person who died was a long time friend, she was killed in a car accident. Yeah, I know that happens, but being someone I knew that carried with me. Now, I just found out that someone else I knew passed. She was around my age as well, and I don’t know the details, but it has gotten me thinking about life, and death.

As I was growing up, I always heard that death happened in threes. Celebrities would tend to die in that particular grouping. I don’t ever recall it happening to people that I knew personally. So, what if death really does come in threes and not just coincidence? What if this is some divine plan of God’s? Is this his way of culling the populace?

I’ve never felt so mortal in my whole life. I mean, even being suicidal, at least I knew that it would happen on my terms. I think those where the terms that I could accept, but now I’m wondering who else could be taken away from my life? Have my life choices given me the extended time that I’ve been looking for, since taking the weight loss journey?

I’ve had times where I’ve feared that depression would take those I do love away from me. My children have been the biggest part of that fear. I love them with all my heart and would be lost without them. At the same time, I’ve seen the devastation of what loosing a child can do to a parent. I’ve seen them lost, confused, and even regretful. I think this is the hardest part to accept. Regret.

Too many times, we as people take for granted the lives that are around us. Too many times I think we tend to stay in our own little worlds…until something is finally taken away. This thought scares me, more than any other that has recently come to mind.

I know that my life’s direction has taken a drastic turn, and that I’m more focused on the things that I’m doing. I try to show people that I do care, and that if needed they have my full support. I know that I’m trying to get my life’s dream going, and I battle with that on a constant basis as well.

Mentally I’m good enough to know that I don’t want to end my life, and I’m more confident than I have ever been. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have my days were I feel fat, insecure, and the biggest part frustrated. That’s the one thing that I’ve been dealing with a lot, frustration.

My wife is sick with Crohn’s Disease, and watching her suffer the pain that she does is frustrating. Knowing that I can’t really do anything to help her deal with it is hard. Wondering if this is the thing that is going to end her life-these are things that I don’t know. All I can do is be the best husband that I can be and show her that I support her no matter what.

It’s not always easy, as I watch her struggle to move. I see that she gets more irritable than she used to, and that gets distributed in different directions. I see that it’s caused her to suffer from depression, and I sometimes wonder if she’s going to be strong enough to get through this. This is her first full-year of having suffered from Crohn’s.

I know that my wife can survive this, she’s the strongest woman that I know. After all, she has stuck with me for close to twenty-years. I’m not the easiest to life with, especially when I’ve gone through my own dark times. She can survive this, it’s just getting everything figured out so that her pain is managed more easily. Maybe this is what makes it that much more aggravating, the time it takes to get everything figured out.

Still going back to the original point is that two people have passed, and they were both younger than me. It really got me thinking to how short our lives can be. I feel better than I did, when I was in high school, and yet everything can be taken away in an instant. Every hug and kiss could go away. Every joyful moment, every breathe. It’s a scary thought, and I hope that we can take better care of ourselves and each other.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.