Author: CK Project

The CK Project is about my life and struggles with weight loss, mental health, and other aspects of my life.

Hey Jealousy, Stop That Negativity

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Going through the life changing events in my life has revealed so much about some of the people that I have to deal with throughout my days. While most are decent and very supportive, there are those individuals that bring nothing but hate and discontent wherever they might be. While this is nothing new to me, I do feel that addressing the toxicity of possible jealously brings out of people towards myself, and others.

Some people are never happy, and they bring that negative energy with them wherever they might go. Fortunately, the individual’s that I could be referring to, have come across as cowardly because they’ve not said such things to my face. To be honest, it saddens me, yet maybe it’s for the best that they keep the words said away from me. I know them words to not be true, and I wish those people the best.

I have to wish them the best because I’ve always been able to read people and I see that they don’t feel happiness in their lives. Some of them decide to blame the worst of their situations on others, and not accept that their actions have brought misery on themselves. How hard is it accept that the misery that has been caused was a person’s own doing?

This, ladies and gentlemen is a toxic person. They usually come off self-entitled, and ungrateful. They never want to congratulate anyone for their achievements, and if they do, you can tell it isn’t heartfelt. They expect the world is owed to them and never want to be thankful for what they have.

The things that I do, are for mine and my family. I will say that I’ve been blessed with a fantastic amount of support, and it helps keep me motivated in those times I don’t feel like keeping it up. I’m actually surprised by the amount of positive that has come into my life with the whole journey that my life has been going on for the last several years. Yet, there are those neigh sayers out there still.

As my mom has been in the hospital, there was an amazing amount of support from both friends, and family. As a matter of fact, people who aren’t directly associated with me, have seemed to ask in support of this tough time. If I was a more emotional person, I think I would cry about the beautiful support from my fellow travelers on this earth. It’s truly awesome the concern shown, from co-workers as well.

The wonderful new on that is that my mom was brought home last night. It was a great way to end my fortieth birthday. I got to have my mom come home. I went and spent time with her today, and I know that this is going to be a long road to follow, but I think she will over come, because she’s a fighter, and I know this because she raised this pain in the ass.

Going back to the original point of this post, get rid of the negative, and you’ll be much happier. I know that it isn’t always easy, because sometimes it’s a family member. There’s been a few family members that we’ve had to cut out of our lives. Yet we get blamed for our decisions because of it.

Life is too short to hold on to the bad, and toxic people love to drag people down. They drain people of their time, energy, and sometime finances. I’ve actually had to cut out some longtime friends because they were just too toxic. I’ve also been too forgiving and had let them back into my life a few times, and each of those times ended with the same result. There are some that I’ve remained friends with, but only from a distance because I know what they are, and I’m always ever hopeful that they will finally learn their lessons, and grow to be the better person that I know they can be.

There have been times where some of them had come up to me, and told me that I was right, and they wish that they would have learned sooner. There’s a part of me that sometimes wishes that I would say that I told them so. After all,  I’m not perfect, and I know that I shouldn’t let that bit of pride escape my lips. At least those who have, generally have turned their lives around, but too much has gone on to let them back in with open arms.

Forgiving someone can be hard. It took me many years to forgive my ex-wife for the things that happened. By forgiving her, I in turn ended up forgiving myself, because I had my own faults during our time. We were both young, and didn’t know what the hell we were doing. I had to forgive her as a part of my own personal growth.

That’s the key there, anything you do should help you with your own personal growth. Try and see your own flaws, and get rid of them. If you can’t see them, someone will, and if they care enough they’ll point them out, and help you over come them. My weight loss journey is just another part of my own personal growth. My schooling was another part of my growth. Sometimes the shitty parts take you back, and you don’t think you can go any farther, but that’s just not the case. If you find a way pass the bad times, your growth can go so much farther than you would ever expect, and that’s a beautiful thing.

Keep it positive, and continue to grow. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

 

When Considering Weight Loss

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Being heavy set most of my life, I’ve had a very hard time with self image. I’m fortunate in not having Body Dysmorphic Disorder(adaa.org), however I found insecurity in the way I looked and was ashamed to have any part of my body exposed in public. That pressure got a bit worse as I got older and heavier.

I had let myself get to a point where I was going to eat myself to death, and I didn’t really care. At worst, I hated myself at what I became, and I didn’t feel like I was in the body that I belonged in. Yes, I know that this is things that I’ve gone over before, but I want to give some advice for anyone who wants to loose weight.

There are several ways to loose weight, we’ve seen the commercials for Atkins, Weight Watchers, Hydroxy Cut, and I’m sure questions about which one is the right way to loose the weight, and keep it off? In my experience, there is no one right way. The truth is this: eating right and maintaining an active life style is the only true way to keep healthy.

If you decide to go on pills, or diet drinks, then that would be something that would be apart of the rest of your life. Just like any of the other options, it takes commitment. That’s the key here, commitment.

That’s what the whole weight loss journey is about, commitment. It’s not going to say that you have to be spot on all the time. There are cheat days for a reason. I’m not always spot on. I’ve had moments that I’ve over indulged. The thing to remember is that one cheat day isn’t the end of all the hard work, and the next choice can put you back on track.

Remember, the weight didn’t get put on over night, and it won’t come off over night. So don’t get discouraged. I had the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy, it was the tool that I needed to get me to the point where I could help get myself to lose the weight. It’s not cheating, but this is perhaps one of the most serious choice decisions to make. This can’t be reversed, and the only way to go is to have a full by pass.

So, my success story seems to have inspired you to get the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy? You want to lose 148.1 pounds like I did? So, here is the things you need to learn, and accept before even going for it. First off, you need to strongly consider your relationship with food, and if you’re willing to change that relationship. Thinking that you can’t change, or aren’t willing to change, has to go out the window. If you want to be successful, then you have to be willing to make those changes. If you think that you’ll lose all this weight, then go back to eating like you used too, stop, right, there. This isn’t for you.

Now, if you can accept all of this, that’s good, but there’s more. The surgery is going to change you, and not just the removal of two-thirds of the stomach, but hormones are going to change. There’s probably going to be bouts of depression that will hit. Just remember, that it’s a mental game. Once you can accept this, you can accomplish anything.

As I’ve been doing this journey for almost two years, and thirteen months since I had the surgery there are things that I’m preparing myself for, and you’ll have too as well. The big on is the fact that as a big person, you’re going to have saggy skin. My trainer and friend Sam says that’s the punishment we get for treating our bodies bad. I’ve heard people getting depressed about the the way they look after having the loss of their fat, but feel that disappointed. Some people get the skin removal, and I am strongly considering it. I’ll donate it to burn victims. That way, I can turn my negative into a positive for other people.

If you can handle all of this, and have the willingness to  change. I wish you the best, and hope you reach out and share your own personal journey with me. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

First Blog 2019.

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I originally had started a blog about the new year, and how we shouldn’t look at it as a time for a fresh start. The truth is life is about ten percent of what happens to you. The other ninety is how you choose to react to it.

With that being said, I’ve found myself in a very emotional place over the weekend. My mother had a fall off of a ladder while taking down Christmas lights, and fractured her skull. She has multiply contusions and bruised her brain. I found myself looking at her in the bed, and I felt uncomfortable, and I was scared for my mother.

If it would have been my father, I could have handled it. We’ve been in that situation before. He had a heart attack in 1996, so mentally I would have been prepared for that. I was there when my dad was having neck surgery, and so I was even more prepared for that. This I couldn’t have ever imagine.

With everything that I went through with my wife, I think I could have been prepared for her in this situation. We’ve gone through her having a concussion and ending up in the emergency room. Through two pregnancies, and the various health scares, I would have been prepared for her, but not my mom.

Since this incident happened on Friday, January fourth, it’s all been a waiting game. I did get news last night, the eighth, that she did sit up, and that she spoke a little, which was good news. This is still going to be a long process, but any good news, brings me hope that this won’t be as bad as it could have been.

The outpour of love and support has been amazing. I truly feel touched by the texts and messages that I’ve received over the weekend, and continue to get on a daily basis. People, ask about how my mom is, and they ask me on how I’m doing. It makes me think on how valid my relationships are.

Though it’s been a rough start to the year, I’m not going to let this incident define my year, and I will just use it as a brief obstacle in my journey. I did miss a few days in my ten thousand step life. Yet, I’m going to be getting back on track for my forty-day step challenge, I’m just going to have to start over again, but I can do this. I’ve done a twelve days as my highest so far.

On the good news, I did my thirteenth month check-up on Saturday and I’m now down 148.1 pounds. It feels good to be 281.8, with a 40.4 BMI. It’s amazing how far I’ve come since I started this process almost a year-and-a-half ago. I’ve got about eighty-five pounds to go before I hit the ultimate goal, but I figure that my next goal is 265. I’m getting there, it may not be as fast as I was, but I’ll keep it going.

I’m not going to let the bad things define the rest of my life, negativity brings too many people down. I know that mentally, I’m a self-sabotage type of person. I’m also having doubt creep up in my mind when I do the various things in my life. I find myself leaning not to be that way, and I’m constantly  learning not to put myself down.

My personal training sessions have taken a different turn as we’ve started circuit training. This is defiantly a different process as now I’m having to learn to push through with a different kind of workout. I felt like I died a few times during my workouts, but it’s good, and yet it sucks at the same time. I will learn to make this type of workout my bitch though.

I’m hoping that this rough patch passes quickly, but I can’t let it keep me down as life goes on. Well, this is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Ending A Year: 2018

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This year ends on positive, and negative notes. This year has been a great year for me. I’ve gone through so many changes both physically and mentally. I’m down 146 pounds, and I’ve had so much positivity that’s come out my way. The support is over whelming, and I’m finishing the year feeling blessed and thankful for the support.

Contradiction is a part of life. You can be happy and mad, nervous and excited. This is part of the complexity of human emotion. I’ve had been supportive to as many people as I could and with that, I’ve also had friends who have gone through loss, or the struggling with family members with poor health, my wife has been included with that.

To those whom are going through these tough times. My heart, love, and positive thoughts are being sent your way. I know that if there was anything more that I could do to help that I would. I’m aware that the support is sometimes enough, but watching the conflict, and the battling of keeping yourself together isn’t always the easy thing in life. Know that as you struggle, I’ve been paying attention, and I’m here to lend a hand in help.

To my wife, I love you, and it’s hard to see you struggle through the pains that have been plaguing you for the last several months. I’m doing my best to try and show you the support to get you through your aches and pains. It’s not always easy as I sometimes get the frustrations taken out towards me. I know that you don’t mean it, and I wish that I could be able to take your pain away. I hope that this part of our journey in life is just a short chapter in our long lives together.

I keep going and staying positive, because that helps me. I know that it’s not always easy in these trying times. It’s a partnership, and sometimes the balance shifts to one side more than the other. Thee was a long time that Sarah had to be the strong one and help get me through the hard times. Now that things are in reverse, all I can do is be the strong one. Sometimes it seems like the impossible, but it’s necessary to be done. “Through sickness and in health”, becomes clearer in those times. The easy thing to do is quit and run away, and there are times where it looks like the better way to go. Yet, I look at everything I put the beautiful woman in my life through, and she’s been to hell and back because of me.

As I look at what she’s going through, I start to see why there are so many people who looses the functions of their body parts, and why they become angry and bitter. Be there, that’s all any of us can do. Show the love and support, sometimes just knowing that there’s a caring person is enough to help get people through the rough times.

The time that we have on this earth is far too short in the end. We need to try and uplift each other, and take care of our fellow life forces. Sometimes things suck, and the best thing to do is make things seem a bit less sucky because we never know when it’ll be the end for us.

To those of you who are struggling, some of you I’m aware of because we’ve talked, other’s I might not know, because there could be shame there. No judgements from me, but if you tell me, I’ll do my best to know that you’ve got someone routing for you. Those who’ve lost loved ones. I’ve known those loved ones and my heart goes out to you because of it. With that, this is the director and that’s a wrap.

Summer of ’99

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Today, my heart hurts because one of my best friend’s lost his grandmother. She was someone who took me and adopted me into her own family, and for this I loved her, and miss her as well. So, I’m going to talk about the that year we met.

It was the summer of 1999, the “last summer of innocence”, I know it’s cliche, however this was the summer before life changed for me. This was the summer before I got married the first time, the summer before traumatic events would fundamentally change me.

As I was in my second semester in school, Keith would become my best friend, the strange part about it is, I don’t remember how or when we first met, he just seemed to pop into my life one day, and that’s when all the adventures began. Keith and I were almost always hanging out, during the weekend’s when he was in town, he would end up crashing at my place, where we would end up playing video games or watching movies.

The summer of 1999, I had to take time off of work because I was in a cast. I had been stupid and broke my thumb, by the joint and so my whole hand was covered. So, when he’d go visit his grandma, I went up to Kernville and spend the weekend. She was a soft spoken, and kind lady. Her cooking was incredible, and she was one of the most caring people that I had gotten to know.

Her kindness was something I was grateful for and the fact that she seemed to instantly adopt me into the family was a blessing. It’s not a secret that I don’t get along with most of the members in my extended family. I believe that I’m the black sheep, which isn’t a bad thing, because I’ve accepted that due to having lived in various places, I’ve grown up with a different set of perspectives. It’s just that part of life.

The funny part of that summer was that I wasn’t quite aware of where life was going to take me. That summer had given me someone to talk to, and another grandmother who took interest in me. It was a time period that I had be second guessing myself with if I was happy in the relationship I was in. It truly was the last summer of being a kid.

I’m so glad that I got to meet and have Ann Haney in my life as another caring person. Every time I saw her, she welcomed me, and soon after my family with open arms. I’m glad that my kids where able to meet her and get to know her a little bit as well.

To my friend, brother, and God Father to my children Keith: thank you for taking me with you that summer to meet one of the most important people in your life. She was special, and I’m glad that I was adopted into your family.

One Year: Post Op

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So, it’s been about a week since my one year anniversary of having my surgery. I was going to write sooner, but I had to sit back and reflect upon this past year. As I write this, I want to dedicate this specific blog to those who’ve had, thinking about having, or are going to have some sort of weight loss surgery.

Up until my surgery, I hated myself. I hated the body I had, and I hated that I had let myself get to the heaviest weight in my life. It’s truly a strange feeling to feel that I was trapped in a body that I didn’t belong in. It’s a outer body kind of experience when thinking about it. Being in someone else’s body, or at least that’s how it feels. Not believing in the image that reflects back in when looking in the mirror.

Going into this journey with a self loathing, and a feeling of hopelessness, was a big step for myself. Before I decided to take this step, I was ready to die. I was aware that I was slowly killing myself, and at the time before my decision, I didn’t care. This was part of the darkness of disparity. I let the weight and depression control me. I dealt with my pain with food.

While my surgery was a year ago, my journey had actually started almost a year prior, I started to walk and try to get a movement going to start the weight loss process, but I would grow frustrated because I would start to push myself and I would end up hurting myself.  Plus with the physical demands that I have at work, I was not able to heal correctly. I needed to do something, but I didn’t want to have surgery, yet after a few months, I ended up being introduced to somebody who was getting ready to have it, and that person was who helped lead me to that decision.

One of the things I had decided on, before I had the surgery was that I was going to document all the aspects of the process, including the negative aspects of it. The people who’ve had it have said that it was the best decision that they’ve ever made, and that they would do it again, but never talked about the struggles getting there.

The biggest things that happen when going through the surgery is that the abdomen gets pumped full of air. This caused me pain for about a week. It was as bad as when I get trapped air in my chest, which to think about, I don’t think I’ve had that happen in a very long time.  The recommended suggestion is to walk, that way it will help with relieving the gas.

The second hurdle to get through is how the feelings of remorse will hit. Being someone who follows Sleeve groups, I’ve noticed that people start to feel regret either right before, and they get nervous, or after it happened. The worst was when I got to the point where I could eat soft foods. I first time I could have something, it was the first taste that I had the moment of regret overcome me. My wife said that it sounded like postpartum depression. After she said that, it made sense. I did have two-thirds of my stomach removed, and it wasn’t like I could tell the doctors that I didn’t like the feeling so I decided that I wanted my stomach back. This feeling would follow me for several weeks off and on.

The biggest lesson learned was this: It’s a mental game, plain and simple. In truth that’s all the weight loss journey is. If you can mentally over come the reason of why the weight gain-mine was because I was an emotional eater. Depression and a few bouts of shit-getting-to-be-too-much, then the weight loss is a cake walk. Going into the surgery, I kept telling myself that it is a mental game. I went through the process up until that night of confident, and not nervous, until the reality hit about five hours before it was time.

The good news is that after a year, I’m down one-hundred-and-forty-five-pounds. The news that might surprise some people is this: It wasn’t just the surgery that got me there. I know that people might look at this as the easy way to lose the weight. Some might think that after the goal weight is reached, that eating whatever, and how much ever is the end goal. Don’t go with that pattern of thought, because it isn’t how things work. Yes, I lost a lot of weight quickly in the beginning. It felt good to lose fifty-pounds effortlessly. The rest of it has taken hard work and dedication. Life choices had to be changed in order to get myself here. The biggest suggestion the doctors said was to get in ten-thousand steps a day. It sounds like a lot, and holy shit, is it ever. That breaks down to a little over four miles in a day. Imagine traveling four miles by foot, every single day. I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t always get them in. two-thousand was a lot when I started trying to get my steps.

I started to do weight training to help lose the weight and get stronger. I have a personal trainer. Sam’s been a friend for years, and was glad to take me under his wing to help me lose the weight. The interesting part about my training is that it goes beyond the body, he’s also been helping me mentally and spiritually. I’m truly blessed to have his guidance in my life. With the training, my posture has gotten better, and my confidence has gone up. It’s fascinating to learn that the proper way to lift, and walk, when done right, feels a bit awkward.

So, for my final lesson, I have the most important piece of advice for anyone who wants to take the weight loss journey serious. Have a good support system in place. This is the biggest key to any success. My biggest supporters are my wife and kids. If she didn’t give a shit, then I would have not gone anywhere, but stayed the same. She is my biggest ally in all that I do. My kids want me around for a long time and they are also supportive, my son and I bound over going to the gym together one day a week. He learns, and I get to push myself so that he can see what the hard work and dedication does.

I want to thank the rest of my supporters- you who follow me on social media, subscribe to my blog, and those who know me in the real world, thank you. I’ve been blessed to share this journey with so many who’ve been nothing but supportive and positive. It’s nice to have people rooting for my success. For those who I’ve inspired, I want to give a particular shout out too, because this is part of why I do the things that I’m able to do. I needed to feel like I could help, and getting the heart-felt stories from people who call me their inspiration, it helps to know that is the way I’m going to help change the world, one person at a time.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Going Too Hard

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     There are times when you want to push yourself, I tend to do that during my workouts. Sunday was one of those days that I pushed, but I think I pushed to hard as I had pulled a muscle in my sciatic area. Today, I’m feeling better, but as I look back on years past. I tend to hurt myself while working out at this time of year. I spent two weeks off during Christmas about five years ago because I worked my shoulders too hard.

     I don’t want to say that this happens because I’m careless, but I sometimes push myself to do heavier, and I’ve come to realize that with heavier weights, and thanks to Sam for his knowledge that form has to be carefully watched, that I’m not always careful of what I’m doing. This has been particularly more noticeable as I’ve been learning to do the proper lifting techniques for the Clean and Jerk. 

     Over coming fear has been something that I’ve been battling with since I’ve started this whole weight loss journey, especially the movement and abilities that I have. I’m having to relearn that I can do things that I haven’t done in years. Being fat for as long as I had been, I became afraid of falling down. Gravity hadn’t been my friend for years, and I would hit the ground harder because I was so big. With that, I’m having to learn that the ground isn’t so far down anymore, and I do have better control of my body.

     This really comes from also trying to get out of my own head. At 145.3 pounds down,  and I’m still learning about the ends and outs of my own body. It’s amazing with what I can do, but it might be even more surprising that self-doubt is still very heavily present in my everyday life. 

     These things will be erased as I do more things that I didn’t think I can do. I know that I can move faster and that I can jog for at least a half-mile straight. It’s still not very fast, but I’m getting there. I just need to keep going, and that’s with every aspect in life. Just keep going, failure is the biggest teacher, and I know that’s not something most people like to hear, and also many people’s biggest fear. Yet, if we don’t fail, we don’t have a measuring stick to use to get better. Eventually, we’ll succeed. Always keep that in mind when setting out to do something. Each failure is a step towards success, and that’s where everyone wants to be, successful.

     I apologize that I’ve been less frequent with my thoughts, and my motivation isn’t where it always should be, however, I often think about everyone, and I’m looking to revamp my motivation, and bring out content. This is the director and that’s a wrap.

Schools Out: Year One

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There’s been a lot of things going on with my personal life, that’s kept me distracted and unmotivated from blogging regularly. I got a memory that popped up on Facebook the other day that reminded me that it was my last day, of my last class for school. Shit, that’s crazy to think that I’ve been out of school for a whole year now. It’s like everything I was working for was but a memory, yet I’ve been more satisfied with myself. I did it, and I did it to the best of my ability.

I’m so glad that I was able to go to school for something that I’ve wanted to do for my whole life, and I will continue to pursue it until the end of time. With that, comes plenty of downsides though. The biggest downside to it is self-doubt. It’s something that I think everyone goes through at some point, and right now this is part of my struggle. There are more positives though.

When I get creative, I’m happy, and building a whole world is amazing. Making thoughts tangible is incredible, it’s truly something awe inspiring. The feeling of taking thoughts, and converting them into words, just to see them be acted out by people is exciting. This was something that I truly discovered over a year ago. I’ve learned so much since then about what I feel comfortable doing, in the different positions, and where my creativity has taken me.

Currently, my biggest roadblock is adding special effects in post, while I’m on the right track for getting it done, it’s been a struggle, and I need to buckle down to get it worked out. This is something I would love to add somebody who’s proficient with After Effects to come in and help me get through this. It would be more efficient and I could get it done right.

Now, something I learned about myself creatively is that my origins for starting stories had to come from a place of tragedy, there’s something about coming back from a dark place that appeals to me as a creator. That’s how my first few stories started, that was what got me out of a writer’s block when I first started. Now, I’m in a place where I can find other things that spark my creativity. Watching movies shows me things that I think I want to try something like that. By the way, film school ruined so many movies for me. I watch them and find inconsistencies as a story teller.

Another problem I think I’m discovering is that my thoughts are everywhere, and I can’t seem to keep focus on just one project, instead, I’ve got several projects started and I’ve been working on, now I just need to organize them and focus, at least I’m getting that focus back as I get back to wanting to get things taken care of.

So, my plan is to concentrate on finishing The Reunion and to get Unexpected Side Trip funded so that we can film it and send it off to festivals. This is our start to actually get noticed as a film company. I’ve been trying to network with other film companies, and filmmakers so that we can have a contributing community. I want to learn from others and create something special. Everything that gets creative even if we find it bad or in poor taste, it just isn’t always for us.

This past year has been amazing, not only creatively, but as a person over all. I do feel that I’ve been slacking a bit, but sometimes life deals us curve balls that we just need to learn to deal with. I’m blessed to have the family I have, even in our rough patches, they are the ones I do so much for. There are things that going on that I’m learning to deal with and I look at them as challenges to over come. In the end, I think that my plans are starting to head in the right position and I plan on getting more things going.

Thanks for staying with me through everything. I’m the director, and that’s a wrap.

Living With A Higher Code

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There are times when a celebrity makes an impact on thousands, even millions of people world wide. Elvis, Lennon, Cobain; these are some of the artists who contributed to the meaning to so many lives in this world. With out these artists, the world seemed to grow a bit darker.

This week my childhood died. Rest in peace to the man who had the most impact on my life, Stan Lee. I can’t remember a time that his creations weren’t apart of my life.

When I was small, I would watch Spider-man and His Amazing Friends, or one of the other cartoons based off of his co-creations. I remember reading an article about how today’s super heroes are our modern day mythology, I wish I remember where I read it. It was good. It compared our heroes to the God’s of old, and the entertainment of their stories.

As the father and co-creator of so much that is popular in today’s society, Stan’s stories leave a legacy that defines a generation. For me it starts with what some would call his greatest creation: Spider-man. This character reached so many people because he was the different hero. The alias of Spider-man, Peter Parker was an average kid with everyday problems. He wasn’t considered the good looking, popular person that was the arch-type celebrated at the time. He wasn’t a jock and was considered a geek, when geek wasn’t a celebrated choice. He was described in Amazing Fantasy number fifteen, as a “wall flower”. He was bullied, and didn’t get the girl of his dreams.

That’s probably why he ended up being so popular because he spoke to the realities of most people. When his Uncle Ben was murdered, the quote, “With great power comes great responsibility,” has been something that has spoken to my heart and has stayed with me. Spider-man was who I could relate too, much like Black Panther was a character that the African-American community could relate too. Stan’s stories were made for us.

Note that I did start this blog on Monday as I read of Stan Lee’s death.

I felt a loss that was like I lost a grand parent, I lost a teacher. This was like I lost a mentor, who taught me everything I ever needed to know in life. Grandpa Stan, telling me the stories to entertain and educate. I was fortunate to meet him in 2011 at the San Diego Comic Con, it was a moment that meant so much, because I looked up to his works my whole life. I thanked him for doing the work that impacted my life. I doubt that my personal story with his work, is unique. I mean he had a huge stage, and millions of fans. Some famous people are among the fandom, and I’m glad that I get to see people share the stories of how Stan impacted their lives.

I should say that my love of comic books helped me get into the highest reading level classes in school. My imagination is very open to the strange possibilities of what the impossible can do, and I don’t think many things would surprise me if that happened. (Alien invasion, anyone?) This is what carried on with my high work ethic, and part of the reason I like to help people.

My helping and motivating comes from the lessons learned in the stories that I would read, and I still continue to read to this day. Selfishly, that’s the way I feel when I help someone. It gives me a real glimmer into that world that I so love. I was able to save a friend from taking their life, and it was the greatest feeling, I had that impact, much like the hero’s on the page.

Stan got me to actually like reading and being a fan of comics got me into seeing all the comic movies that would come out. That in turn lead me to seeing the movie that would change the direction of my future. Sin City(2005) was that movie that changed my life. Watching how that movie looked just like a comic, caused me to want to become a director, and that’s one of the great things I get to do these days.

Stan has had an impact on my family as we bound over the love of comics and superheroes. I see that my son loves the Hulk,  and I’ve been able to sit down and read the comics to him. My oldest loves Spider-man, which I was surprised about, but I’m glad that our love for Spidey is something we’ll share over the rest of our lives.

If there could be something I would say to Stan Lee, I would say this: Thank you. Thank you for being the voice of reason, the voice of inspiration, and imagination. Thank you for giving people who felt like losers a safe place to escape too. This world is a harsh place, and your legacy will continue to inspire generations. As a fan of mythology, thank you for giving us a newer, updated mythology to follow. I hope one day to be as inspirational as you, and I thank you for making my life just a bit more enjoyable.