Viva Las Graduation, I Lost Something….

Well, Friday I graduated from Los Angeles Film School and went to Las Vegas to celebrate with Sarah and my girl Echo. I’d like to share Friday’s ceremony though. It started at noon, and there was about three sets of groups that graduated. I was in the second group of Digital Filmmaking students. I want to say that we were one of the first groups that graduated from the online portion of the school.

The occasion was bitter sweet, but was made better by the fact that I was able to graduate with the most important people in my life; my parents, my children, Sarah, and Echo. We were able to take a few minutes and give a speech, so I thanked the people who came with me, and some of my production crew, and the school for being there for me in the time of need.

I still have more that I wanted to say: This is our time, this is the time that the industry is changing, and it’s our responsibility to usher in the new wave of equality, and bash out the corrupt power that takes advantage of the less powerful. Whatever color, creed, sexual orientation, we are equal, and that’s the way it should be. I’ve been blessed with a great group of people that I’ve been able to work with and meet. The network is just going to get bigger, and I can’t wait to work with the new friends that I’ve made on this journey, and share the ideas with like minds.

The ceremony ended around two o’clock, I said good-bye to the parents and kids. Then I took the ladies to Las Vegas…let me tell you something…going from Hollywood to Vegas really sucks ass. It turned out to be a seven plus hour drive, we got there closer to ten, and I was tired from driving. So, that shot any adventures on Friday, but Saturday was better, and we rushed to get a last bit done on Sunday, and still didn’t get home and done until eleven that night. What should have been a three and a half hour drive was pushed up by about two more hours by delays, and slow traffic. Alas, Sarah and I made it home safe, regardless of the bullshit traffic that happened.

I had to take care of a few medical things today, some of them for work, others for my next check up on my sleeve. I weighed myself today and I lost another 3.5 pounds. That brings my total down by 90.2 pounds, which was even better to know that 339.7. The incredible part is that in about five pounds, I’ll be at the lowest that I’ve been in five years. God, it will feel good to be down one hundred pounds.

I got in about 40k steps this weekend over all and Saturday was the most with 25,357. 1,616 calories were burned, and 11.19 miles were traveled that day. So, I think my total caloric intake was well below that. It was fun, and I just kept trucking along.

My next check up is on the seventh of April. I’ll be almost four months out, and life is still getting easier everyday. I felt like I had lost a few pounds, and I’m thinking that I’ll be at my lowest in five years by that check up. I’m more excited that I’ll be doing great next weekend when we go to Wonder Con. I’m going to have to buy some more clothes soon, and they’ll be smaller. I think one hundred pounds is crazy, I’ve already lost, about the weight of my son. It almost feels unreal, when I contemplate it.

As I’m looking forward to geeking out next weekend, I’m keeping an open eye to figure out how I can become a professional at these conventions, as this is one of the many things I plan on doing. I know that separating the various aspects of my life is going to organize things better, but it also seems that I have to dedicate more time to each of those things to keep them going.

On a final note, the free lance work is great, and now being in charge of my client’s social media is giving me experience that can be applied to other jobs as well. I’ll share more about this undertaking as it develops more. It’s already put me in contact with industry professionals that I’m going to be learning from their experience, and it will help me become a more rounded person.

This is the director and that’s a wrap.

Phase Two: Evolution

Well tomorrow is the day, it’s the day that I’ve been waiting to reach for the last three years to reach, my graduation. I’m graduating with Magna Cum Laude and then my future starts. It’s the moment that I go from the Film Student Life to the life of an Alumni of the Los Angeles Film School. This journey has brought many things to me. A new focus in life, a better situation mentally, and great connections that I’ll continue to have for the rest of my life.

I remember when I started school that I was lost, my depression was at it’s strongest, and I needed a way out. Finding this school online and taking the chance on going for a dream is what I needed to find myself. This journey has helped evolve me to the person that brings content to people on a regular basis…Sure, it isn’t always the way that a filmmaker would seem too, but even this writing of the blog has helped me with the writing that I put towards all my screen plays and helps me to attach the emotion that I need to the characters that I bring to life.

I was meant to be a filmmaker, once I got to actually concentrate on being behind the camera, and calling action, I knew that this was what I was meant to do. This journey has helped me become the best version of me. I’m happier, and so much less stressed.

I’m not completely sure where the next phase of my journey is going to take me, but I’m liking the changes that it’s bringing to my life, and I know that I’ll find success at what I’m doing, but I just don’t know the exact direction that it’s going.

I think the best part of everything is that those I love the most will be there, my parents, my kids, my wife, and my best friend Echo, who’s been by my side through so much. I’m glad that they can share with me in the celebration of my success.

The next couple of weeks will be crazy, as I’ve got plenty of plans going on, but once this is done, I will be putting a meeting together so that we can plan the next steps to getting some content brought out. Again, that’s when I’m happiest.

After the graduation, I get to go to Vegas and do adult things. I think that it’ll be a good way to send of the “old” me, and say hello to the new version that has become far more goal orientated. The baggage that weighed me down for so long has gone, and now all I have is hope, and positivity. I know things will not be dark for me again. So, if you would like, here’s the link to the live stream of the ceremony for tomorrow at 1:00pm I would love to hear that people watched and routed for me as we close a chapter and flip the page to something new.

I’m still getting in my steps as I got in 13,486 for the day, and the weight loss journey is still going strong. It’s just kind of taking a back seat to my film production for the moment. I’m still learning that the different aspects of my branding move at different times. The CK Project has had to opportunity to shine for the last several months, and I’ve enjoyed sharing the journey that I’ve had so far, but it’s time for other accomplishments to take the front and center.

Once everything really gets going, I’ll be able to bring out more content on all sides of my branding “empire”, as I find that it’s already become a full-time job, but it’s also what I enjoy. It’s funny that by staying busy, I’m feeling like I’m having the time of my life. I’ll report from Vegas, I’ll guarantee that. So with that being said, this is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Phase Two And A Growth Spurt

A continuation of the last blog…ish: Man what a weekend this turned out to be. As I mentioned visiting the campus of the Los Angeles Film School, I learned a lot from that visit, and I’ve been trying to apply it ever since. So far, my film resume has been updated, though I’m still waiting to hear what my advisor has to say on that, and I updated my LinkedIn:, just in case…you know if you want to check it out, maybe try and make a professional connection.

Saturday is the day that most of you have come to follow because, of my weight loss journey, well I lost another 2.3 pounds which brings my weight too 343.2 with a total loss of 86.7 pounds of fatty tissue. I’m so close to getting to that one hundred pound mark, and I’ll be there before you know it. Which also brings me to another bit of good news. I can fully workout again. My gastric doctor said that I can get into full workout mode, which I’m working with a friend, who’s going to become my trainer. This is someone I’ve known a long time, and I have faith will kick start my metabolism even faster. I look forward to that challenge.

So, let’ move forward to Sunday’s adventure. I’ve been working with this older gentleman named Philip Weinstein, he’s eighty-one, and has had a life as a producer and lighting guy in Hollywood. I was introduced to him by way of my friend and former drama teacher Janis. Philip has spirit, and at the age of eighty-one has decided that he wants to be a boxer. He’s considered the oldest un-ranked amateur boxer in the United States. He’s got personality for sure.

So, through him, I’ve gotten to meet and get to know his coach Antoine Hood, who’s also a nice guy, who looks like Luke Cage, and most defiantly can kick ass like Luke Cage. Antoine and my trainer friend Sam work together, and that’s kind of how the circle of reacquainting with old friends took place, but before I lose track. Philip has hired me not only to be his videographer, but his social media presence.

It’s funny how my love of acting has brought me to the point of wanting to direct, and that it would lead me to my first paying client. Where I find myself even more lucky is the fact that I’m teaching Philip about modern filmmaking, and he in turn is teaching me about living in the business itself. He’s also a stanch supporter of the CK Project and tells me that he’s happy to see me take my life in a more positive direction.

Is it weird that my first paying client would also become a mentor to me? He’s a great guy, and the experience that I’m gaining is valuable, and his shared knowledge is also worth every minute he’s teaching me something. I wonder what will happen when I start my next free lance project, where that will take me…

So, phase two has really started to lift off the ground, and with so much coming towards me all at once, I’ve not even had a chance to think of where everything is taking me, but I do know that it’s somewhere good. I just feel bad that I can’t seem to carry on a very good conversation through text, because I’m so buy. I know that as March will come to an end, that life might find a bit of normalcy, or maybe this is the new normal. Either way, I’m not complaining. It keeps me busy, and then I don’t even have anytime to be depressed, even though that hasn’t been an issue for a while.

My weight, my health, both physically and mentally, and my life is really starting to line up, and I’m proud of the evolution that my growth has taken, and as I get ready to leave the Film student life behind as I become an alumni, I’m gaining the right tools at the right time, and I’m going to continue to work hard so that I can get the big pay off in the end.

My best friend will be down here from the state of Minnesota in a couple of days. I’m excited because she’s one of the few people who’s been there through the tough times for me. I’m glad that she could be here as I walk down the isle because graduating is an accomplishment. Life is going to get better, day by day. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Phase Two Has Started.

Holy crap! The Los Angeles Film School’s campus was cool. I enjoyed being there, and I felt sad at the same time because the student journey that I’d been going on for the last three years is finally coming to an end. I mean I seriously wish that I could have visited the campus far earlier, and maybe taken some of my classes there.

Onward and upward then, and with that being said. I got my cap and gown. I also got my tickets for the  graduation. So….my time as a student is at the end and now I’ll be an alumni. The next evolution in the world of Chris Keeling is getting ready to start. Again, today was constructive because I got to also see my career advisor, and she’s setting me on a path to correct my resume, and social media so that I can become more appealing to for my career, and get those jobs that pay money. My free lance work is showing me that I can do well with this and I’m excited to see where things will take me.

One of the tasks that I’ve been put to do, is to actually get a full production crew that I can constantly work with on a continuous basis, and I think that I can find these people. One day, we’ll all get paid and that’s a guarantee. For now, it’s more about getting the experience, and applying what experience I have so that I can develop more of what I need to appeal to the mass population.

My walk kicked ass as I burned well over  1,000 calories, and over 16,000 steps today. I think that I have similar numbers tomorrow as this weekend’s adventures are not quite over yet. I still have my three month check up that I’m doing in the morning, and I think a bit more shopping for a few things before I can leave.

On the weight loss journey front, I had some jerky today, it’s been a while and I was almost nervous that it wasn’t going to agree with my stomach today. Considering the calories that I did burn today, I’m pretty sure that I hadn’t consumed enough to worry about over doing my limit of calories today. Sarah says that I probably could have had a few more. Things are really looking up, and I plan on continuing what I’m doing.

Next month, we plan on really getting the hiking group going. Sarah is going to be bringing her camera to take pictures as she needs to fill up her portfolio just as much as I do. Exercise and work are going to be going hand in hand, and I can’t wait until we make money from both.

Anyway, this has been a long day, and I think I’m gonna call this one a wrap.

Fast Lane Through March

Well being my first day for the week at work, I got in about 8,000 steps, it was kind of crazy. It was that kind of day at work. I’m glad that the weather was a bit nicer today, but I’m really feeling like my uniform is starting to get too big. I think I have a bit to go before I actually have to pick up a smaller size.

It seems that this week and next week are going to end up being crazy busy, however I’m sure that we’ll get through it, and it keeps me motivated to get to the weekend festivities. I can’t believe that I graduate next week, it’s been a long time coming for sure.

So, last week also was my first free lance gig. I filmed on Wednesday and I ended up doing some computer work for my client on Saturday. It feels good that I’m finally getting the experience, and a little bit of money to do the things that I want to do. My client has also worked in the movie industry and I enjoy learning from him.

So, now I’ve got some great news on my weight loss journey: I’ve lost another 6.9 lbs. That brings my total down by 84.4 and I’m sitting at 345.5. I’m also at 49.6 BMI. That’s over ten percent less than my highest numbers. Even the preliminary numbers from my physical sounded promising. This really is what it’s all about, getting healthier. That motivation is one of many factors that keeps me on track. The other being that I’ve been told that I’ve motivated someone else to get on the track for good health.

I’ve been preferring protein bars over anything else for breakfast. It’s just easier for me to have in the mornings, and I’m not feeling nauseous after eating it. Plus I tend to knock out those calories early in the day. The secret is protein, protein, protein. That’s the key to loosing weight.

This was just a few short notes for the day, this is the director and that’s a wrap.


That New Feeling

I’ve gotten away from continually playing video games. Part of me feels like it’s a betrayal to the person known as Chris Keeling. Playing video games was my escape from the world, and I let the world pass me by for so long. Sure they have good stories and are a way to kill time, as I still play from time to time, but not like I used too.

My life has become a series of how I can improve myself. With the weight loss journey taking the forefront for the last few months, it’s felt good to push my body to a different and more active level. It feels better to move than it does to just stand, or sometimes sit down. Once I can get cleared to become more active, I’m sure I’m going to find more and various ways to torcher myself into a stronger body, with the help of a friend, who’s also a personal trainer. I will get cut, and look better than ever.

Something that I have been struggling with is my film career. I love having my own personal company that I’m trying to get going, it’s teaching me things about how to deal with a new business. Part of the struggle is in the fact that we’ve had to take some time and step back because we currently don’t have a studio, we have the site that we’re going to turn into the studio, but with my partner being very ill recently, and complications with one of his business ventures(yeah, that’s how we roll), things have gotten behind by quite a bit. I want to produce more content, and in a bad way, but I know that patience is what is needed. I’m not even sure if I’m trying to take on too much too soon, while looking for another means of employment to better help fund this creative venture that I’m under taking.

I’ve said this is my year, and I truly do believe that, so much has gone right so far. Even when things have gone to shit, I’ve still managed not to let it get in the way of the momentum that I have going already. Circumstances haven’t always been ideal for me in the last several months, but I’ve been able to overcome all the bumps in the road so far. If anything besides getting done with school, I’ve learned how to handle stress a bit better. I don’t freak out every time something doesn’t seem to go completely right.

I think the next thing that I really need to master is the art of organization. I wasn’t very good at it when I did real estate, I’d like to say that I’ve gotten better, but I know that I have to improve on it still. My desk is a somewhat disorganized mess, with notebooks with ideas everywhere. I think I remember reading somewhere that was a sign of intelligence. I can only hope that’s true.

I think I’m just learning how not to waste life, and appreciating things so much more. I do still like to spend time playing a game with my kids, because that’s one way we bound, but I find going out on walks with them in a one-on-one situation is something that helps bring us closer. I enjoyed the walk with my son the other day. Instead of talking about wrestling, we talked about the growth happening in our town, and future plans. We talked about how we were both going to do what we needed to get our goals achieved. He wants to cook. He loves to bake and barbecue. We’ve watched enough competition shows to have fallen in love with the idea of being creative while grilling the food.

Another thing that’s become kind of an adventure is finding alternative ingredients to replace the white sugar, flour, rice, and bread. we find Agave is an amazing replacement for sugar, and that coconut flour is a wonderful ingredient as well. It’s even better when it’s done to help “dad” live healthier. My kids rock like that, but then again so does my wife. She does more than she’ll ever realize. I love them all.

This is the director and that’s another wrap for the night.

My Marching Orders For The Day

Today, I went in for my annual physical(by annual, I use that term loosely). The last time I had my physical, my blood pressure was 135 over something and my heart was like 68 beats per minute. I was in a bad way the last time I had the check up, about two years ago. This time was different, I was 112 over something and my heart beat was around 58. It felt kick ass. I’m doing what I can to get healthier, but it’s not for work, it’s for myself, and for my family.

The first three days of my work week, I tend to slack a bit on my 10k steps but I did get on them yesterday, 10841 steps with 4.8 miles and 775 calories. I had done over 10k steps before noon today. As a matter of fact, I’m currently sitting at 14921 steps, 6.59 miles, and 954 calories. To be honest, I don’t think that I’m going to be doing much more today, except maybe steps across the house to the bathroom, because today was a lot of steps anyway, and I’ve done good so far.

I know that the next weekend is my three month check-up with the doctor, but my two week weigh-in commitments are going to continue and I will have an update this weekend. While I won’t blog the update tomorrow, you can get it here at: My twitter is the most updated spot to follow my weight loss journey. Also my Facebook page: is a good place to go for my journey as well, and I sometimes drop words bombs of inspiration.

I’m able to accept more types of food finally, lettuce doesn’t seem to hurt when I eat it anymore. It’s hard to believe that I’ve been without most of my stomach for three months, though if you ever look at how I eat anymore, you can tell. I can tell, and I feel so much better, and yes I know that I’ve said that at least a few times, but it’s true. I feel so much better, and I continue to improve by the day or week, and this month is going to be so fucking crazy that it isn’t even something I can completely comprehend at the moment.

So, I’m preparing to go to my campus at the end of next week to get my tickets, cap, and gown. Plus I get to see my career advisor, and we are going to discuss what I’m going to do with my degree. I’m not going to lie, but working a movie in Hollywood is kind of starting to appeal to me at the moment. Sure I still want to do my own movies, but getting paid, and experience is always great as well.

Then the next day I go see the doctor, and I’m eager to get cleared to do regular workout, because my friend from a local MMA gym is going to help me get in “fighting shape”, and I can’t wait, it’ll help for when we do stunts on film, and will help me out with other aspects of my professional life.

Speaking of my professional life, I finally got my first freelance gig, and I’m excited to be working on this new experience. My client and I have been exchanging some ideas on how we are going to present our project. This has also helped me to get back to the creative flow of things and I’ve knocked out seventeen pages on the original script I was going to use as a student film. Once we did Nash Gray, I decided that I wanted to restart the whole script, because, well, I have become a better writer(largely due to the blogging). I’ve taken it in a direction that I hadn’t quite done before, and I’m beyond what I had originally had completed. I’m still working on that, as with going between the various other scripts I got going. Maybe, I’m trying to do too much at once, but I guess that I won’t know until I try.

Now that I’ve been out of school for a few months, and I’ve adjusted to my new body better, I’m finally finding my place in getting my shit together and pursuing my career as a filmmaker. Still, it’s all still kind of a new experience to me, and I pray that I don’t fuck it up. Though, I’m sure I will somewhere, and it’ll add a valuable experience to what I’m doing.

While this is the end and I’m about to wrap it up, I want to take a few moments and give thanks to all my new followers on WordPress, Instagram, Facebook, Google+, and Tumblr. I’ve truly enjoyed sharing my experiences with everyone, and hope that motivation has been found in the words that I’ve typed. Please keep it up, and don’t be afraid to comment. Dialogue is a great way to learn more about each other, and keep the discussion going.  With that said, this is the director and that’s a wrap.

February’s Almost Over!?!

What a month this has been… Now I’m preparing for a busy March, as I have graduation, a Vegas trip, and Wonder Con, all within a few week period. This is right after I have my three month check up for my weight loss journey.

This was the four days with the weekend, which started Thursday after work. I averaged over 10k steps all for days. It’s nice to see that also on average I was burning around 700 plus calories. So far for the first days of the work week, I haven’t even come close, but as I get more time during the weekend, I’ll push those numbers up a bit.

Let’s get into how my up coming weeks are looking as well. This week, I should be doing a bit of freelance work, I’m looking forward to getting the experience from that, as I really like my client because he has a personality on him.

Next week though is where everything gets interesting, as in I’m going to Los Angeles to finally walk on the campus of the school I’d been going too for the last three years. I have to pick up my cap and gown, plus get the tickets for the ceremony for the week after that. Then we’ll do lunch with my parents and kids, before heading out to Las Vegas for an adult weekend. With a return to work on Monday morning, just so we can leave on Thursday with the kids for Wonder Con, and a weekend of geeking out, plus I’m still getting my Geekultural Experience going.

This year really has started out great, and it just keeps getting better, even if we’ve had a few hiccups here and there. I think the further I go into this week, the better things are going to get. I’ve gotten heads up on something that’s exciting, but that’ll have to wait for another blog…

I also put in for my annual physical, which if truth be told, I totally avoided last year as it was. On the plus side, my results will be way better than the last one I had. I’m not going to complain. I think it’ll be done quickly, but it’s also going to fill up my already busy schedule. At least I can do it on a day off. One of the things I’ve always hated was fasting for a blood test, though it’s not going to be a problem this time. Since I did lose two-thirds of my stomach.

The other thing  I realize more everyday, is that I really need to have better time management skills. It seems like my walking and exercising has taken up most of my concentration, and I’ve got about a thousand other things that I’m trying to get done at the same time. I think I’m going to dedicate Wednesday’s the day that I spend on my writing. That would give me something to get those scripts worked on going. So much to get done, and it never seems like enough time to get it completed.

Saturday, I’ll have an update on my weight loss journey, and with that, this is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Size 54, No More, Paging Number 46

The crazy part about this morning is that I wanted to try on some jean pants, and we found some of my old shorts that were a size forty-six. Now before I continue this, let me tell you that I’ve been wearing basketball shorts for the last seven years, and had worn jeans few times up until 2014…I think. Anyway, I tried these shorts on and they were kind of loose. I don’t know if it’s because they were old, but I couldn’t fit into a size like that comfortably last year.

A win is a win, and I will take it. Sarah says that she can tell that I’m starting to feel “sexy”, and I must say that I do feel damn good about myself. It’s amazing what a bit of weight loss does for the confidence level. I haven’t weighed myself this week, because if you remember, I did say that I was going to only do the weigh in every other week. I can’t wait until I’m on the other side of 300. It’ll be nice to be my early adult weight again.

It feels strange that I’m starting to swim in my clothes, and I’m not going to go crazy and buy a completely new wardrobe quite yet, but I have been thinking of a getting a new outfit, something probably different than just a superhero shirt and shorts. I feel like I want to start dressing a little bit better on occasion, especially since Sarah tends to dress nice on date nights, and I’m looking like I always do. I appreciate that she says I look handsome all the time, but I feel that I could present myself a bit better for her.

Besides that, I should say that I’ve been busy getting the professional side of my life straightened out. I’m going to my school in two Fridays to pick up my stuff for when I walk down for my graduation, I’ll probably take the time to see my career advisor while I’m there. I finally got a rough draft of my newest resume for said film career done, and turned it in tonight. I hope that it’s something that we can work with to make better. Besides that, I also have another job lead that I’ve been looking to go towards for the better part of six years, I hope that I can hit up the application when it comes out so that I can fill it out, and hopefully get the job, that I went to school for.

I’ve taken the undertaking of trying to learn Spanish, so that I can become bi-lingual. It’ll help in communicating in general, especially since I do customer service type work, and it doesn’t hurt that I’ve got a goal to write a script in both English and Spanish as it’s about a Latina and her boyfriend(who isn’t Latino), and the plight that they go through being a bi-racial couple. I was an idea that I thought up a while back, and I thought it would be a nice challenge…. That’s something I like as a writer, is challenging myself. I really gets my creativity going, and as I get things going, I’ve got so much that I’ve already started, now it’s finding the time to concentrate on on script at a time, but I don’t want to loose the ideas, once I get them. I used to have these great ideas when I was younger, but I never wrote them down, and I would forget them over time.

I think that’s part of the reason I decided to keep learning, so that I could gain tools to help me out and be a better individual, between the Spanish, and learning things about getting that dream job, and then the videos to help me learn the software programs that I’m using or going to be using as I make movies, I’m staying busy, and I haven’t really played video games much lately. I have been watching more movies though.

On top of all of those things, blogging is helping me become a better writer, and I used to think that 500 words was kind of a challenge to come up with.  It’s funny because I’ve seen where the growth of my words have gone since I started this WordPress page for a class a couple of years ago. I was averaging about 400 words, then last year I was about 460. Now I average around 650 or something like that. Plus, my audience’s growing and my like are far higher now than they have been for the blogs I’ve had over the last two years. The only thing that’s down is the comments, I haven’t had somebody comment on the page itself. I think that I’m finally finding that niche as a blogger, and with all the projects that I’ve got going, I’m sure that I won’t be running out of any content to produce any time soon. Especially once we can get working on the studio, things kind of went south on movement there, but with a year of uncertainty, I don’t find that a bad thing at this time.

Self improvement is a key to success and I would like to see people succeed, keep on the journey of self discovery, you might surprise yourself. This is the director and that’s a wrap.

10 Years And More Paperwork!

So, I have to do paperwork because I’ve been at my job for ten years. Being the well oiled machine that I work for, I’m having to answer things from years ago, and then there are things that I don’t ever think that I knew. All I can think is man…..I’ve been doing this for way too long.

It’s given me a time to reflect on where my life has been, and where I’m going. The past is a bit blurry because I’ve not always handled life in the best ways possible, but as I’ve gotten older, and gained tools, I’m getting better at it. I’ve hit a few very dark times, and part of doing this paper work has caused me to try and remember through those dark clouds. I’d like to say those thoughts are sunshine and rainbows, but a rain cloud with thunder and lightning would fit that much better.

“It builds character,” or so that’s what they saying goes. It proves that I’m a survivor, even if it fucked me up a bit along the way. I’m a survivor…that’s the key there. Even when I wanted life to end, or wanted to hide away and disappear, I made it through those times, and I’m better for it. I’ve gotten married to a great lady, who loves and supports me, and we’ve had some great kids together, who I’ve not always been the best towards as well. We’re not perfect, but I love this family of mine.

“It builds character,” at least I’ve been able to analyze this and help it become something more positive in my life. Being someone who’s had insecurity issues and depression issues throughout my life, has built a thicker skin than when I was a child. I’ve heard the insults that people have said about me behind my back, and to my front. Most of the time I laugh because I think of how lame some of the words are. I think to myself, can’t you come up with something a bit better than that? Hamburger boy? Fatty Mc Fat Fat… whatever fucking insult they make to have a laugh. If it was me, I’d go for the jugular, and that’s the sad part, because that’s what my situation molded me to be when I was younger. I know that I have a mean streak and a low tolerance of bullshit, but I do try to not let that side out most of the time.

“It builds character,” and that’s true. I think that it’s all in how we decide to let it form us. At a low point, I finally decided that I was going to do everything that I could so that I could be a beacon of positivity in this world. Too many want to beat other’s down because, like they say, “misery, loves company.” I think that’s too true, and I don’t want to be the one to add to that problem. The funny part is that during my last “dark time”, I was hating everything and everybody, myself especially. Some would think that I’m being positive for other people’s sakes, though the truth is that I’m doing it for me, because I don’t want to ever feel the way I did before. Plus I’m starting to get this feeling that the world gives back to you what you project, and I’m wanting to feel positive vibes instead of the negative vibes that I had felt.

I’m feeling the balance between mind and body these days. The focus is getting stronger, and the  motivation is being felt by others as well(see several previous post). Well, I have so much more info to get before I can finish my paperwork, and I’ve got some studying to do as well.  So this is the director and that’s a wrap.

Let’s ‘Drop It Like It’s Hot’

I hit the 10,000 steps two days in a row, and almost did for a third day, but the average was over that 10k mark for sure. With that being said, I’ve kind of chilled the last two days to give myself a rest. I feel like I push myself ragged at times, which makes it harder for me to focus on the studious aspect of my life. The results are good though very good.

Remember when I talked about my start on this weight loss journey that my highest weight was 429.9 lbs? Breaking down the science of fat content, that and the fact that I’m 5’10(I think my weight shrunk me a bit), that equals out to a Body Mass Index of 61.7. That means that 61.7% of my body was covered by fat, and that’s what caused me to feel like a prisoner in my body. It also explains why it was harder for me to be cold(well insulated for sure).

I went in and weighed myself yesterday, and I discovered that I’ve lost another 7.6 lbs, which puts me at the weight of 352.4. My BMI is now at 50.6 and the total is now at 77.5 lbs, and with that, I feel accomplished.352.4

Yep, that’s me! When it’s compared to how I was looking, people say they see the loss in the face, and neck….what I notice in this pic is how much belly has gone, and even looking down I see that it’s missing. It’s fantastic not feeling like the Kool-aid man. People tell me to keep it up and not to stop. Believe me, there’s no chance in that. Realize that I did, get part of my body removed to help get me going on the right path, and I’m determined not to stay fat. I like not hurting or struggling when I move. That’s the biggest part of the win so far.

Second win goes to the people who seemed to be inspired by this journey that I’ve undertaken, as I’m recruiting people to do some hikes with me and the family. I think it’ll be a great bonding experience, and honestly, other’s wanting to take my example and get heathy too, is one of the most amazing feelings to me as well.

The weight loss has really helped my mental health as well, with the compliments, more self confidence comes into play. Plus I don’t feel like I loathe myself anymore.  I can’t think of anything better then all the positives that are coming out of these life changes. I’ve discovered that there are still a few things that upset my stomach, but I’m also trying to be conscious about not trying to stretch it out. I miss some of the spices that I love so much, but I’m sure I’ll be able to eat those again someday, and I’m at about the two and a half month mark out from my surgery.

I might just make that hundred pound mark with in the next few months. I haven’t seen three hundred in about seventeen years, and it would be incredible to make that half-way-point in my ultimate goal weight. Right now, my smaller goal is 339.5. Once I reach that, I’ll plan on making a goal of about 296, which was the weight I was when I was married to my first wife, in 2001. I get excited about those kinds of thoughts. I get excited to know that I won’t be fat for the rest of my life, and that my life won’t be as short as it was probably going to end up had I not done something to take the control back.

It’s sad to think that I got to a point where I thought that I was going to die, and I’ll be honest, I welcomed it for a time there. I stopped caring, and I was just going to let life happen to me, and I didn’t care when or where it would happen. Now, it’s different. Now I have the power, and I like to move, and get those steps in. Soon, I’ll be able to push myself again, and I can’t weight to add weights into my routine. I’ve always loved weight lifting, and I’ll feel more comfortable on the machines that I’m going to use. I’ll get in the sit-ups, push-ups, and a faster mile. This in vain of what I do for work, and I could promote, but I don’t really have the drive to continue with the current track for my career. I want to move onto something that give me a chance to use the more creative part of my brain.

The reward, would be the fact that I could do it if I chose too. I’ve come a long way in the last year, and I’m all about self improvement these days. I’ve got the best support system that I think any person could ask for, and it’s a blessing that it helps to keep me motivated. Though the real trick is that I’m keeping myself motivated. I have my bad days, but I stay motivated. I think that’s how I’m learning to survive, is by staying motivated, and positive. Getting the mind and body in harmony is the secret.

Anyway, this is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Hungry For More

I’m obsessed with numbers! I’ve been that way about time most of my life. My step counter just happens to be something that I’ve added to that obsession. With another round of 10,000 steps demolished today, that number gets easier to reach the more I get there.valentines10k

I also like that my pacer app keeps track of my weekly calories, and I reached 1754 for the week so far. I know that I’ve got some big things going on this weekend, so I plan on hitting the 10k at least two more times.

Besides the steps, I had a few people tell me today that they didn’t recognize me and had to do a double take. Being a fat person, it feels good to know that my hard work is paying off, and I really do feel better about the way I look. I can’t wait until I hit the ultimate goal, how much better will I look then. The movement is getting faster as well. I’m starting to feel the speed pick up.

Being as heavy as I was, I would move like a tortoise, at least that’s how I felt. I hated that I would get winded so easily as well. I’m continually breaking free from the bonds of my fatter self, and confidence is really showing as well(not that I was too insecure). I’m not ashamed of my body anymore. I look at it as a work in progress, but shit my arms are starting to get skinny, and I need to tighten up the skin a bit before I get wizard sleeve, and start looking like Gandalf the Grey.

So, today is Valentine’s day, and I’m reminded that I’m not really a fan of this holiday, however, my bride of seventeen years, is the greatest part to show my love too. She’s always a strong support, and is one of the most amazing people I know(as a side note, I know quite a few amazing people), plus she loves me beyond anything I’ve ever known.

I’m still trying to get some details figured out about getting a hiking club together, and I’m sure I can talk a few people I know in the real world to join. I think it would be great to enjoy nature with the great people I know. Would any of my readers possibly want to start something up, even if it was online, in a group and share our experiences with our hikes? We could get healthy together, and that’s always a movement that I would support.

I think that I need that positive idea in my life right now. I’ve had doubts going on in my head in other areas, but at least I haven’t tried to find the comfort in food. That’s a big step in the right direction. It’s just shit…I’ve got all of this stuff going on and getting ready to go on, that I’ve had a hard time focusing at what tasks are at hand at the moment. Listening to music through my head phones seem to help with those distractions.

Once the doctor clears me, I’m going to up my exercise game, and I can’t wait to start pushing myself more. I’ve not had skinny arms like this in some time and putting definition on them will be awesome, plus the fat burning with weights will help get my ass to where it wants to be.  So many possibilities are coming with this idea….

This is the director, and I think this is the end of another blog….so that’s a wrap!

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