# Building a Better Me part 2

In the last part I talked about life in grade school and middle school. It was a difficult journey when the peers around me devalued my worth, and my mentality ended up being something that would keep me down. In hindsight, looking at the systematic teachings of classism has shown me why I as an enlisted military child I might have been treated that way.

As I go from my grade school and middle school years, I had moved from being overseas, back to stateside, and it was a bit of a culture shock. I was a bit out of place, but I ended up making some good friends, while doubting myself along the way. Tradition, and a few other things would really affect my first year in high school, as when I was in Junior High it was a seventh through ninth grade institute. As I hit ninth grade, it had been moved back to high school, and the freshmen year, meant that I would be part of the fresh meat class.

Before I move forward with the narrative, I should mention that I had made a friend in wrestling while I was in seventh grade. People would think we were brothers and we got a bit competitive with our dating lives. I would often date his girl when they broke up, to get some sort of validation that I was the better person, I’m aware of it being an asshole move.

So in ninth grade, I got stuck in a wrong place, wrong time situation, that I had gotten put into the creek behind my school during the middle of December, and I remember getting stuck in a full nelson and almost getting my neck snapped because I tried to fight out. I thought that I wold be able to fight my way out of anything, but apparently I wasn’t so smart. I should have known better than to go to the place that the kids liked to go smoke, right off school grounds.

Ninth grade was the year that I did date the same girls as my friend, just because I felt like I had to prove something to somebody, and that friendship would end that same year, because he got told that I said that I could kick his ass, if we fought. Then for the rest of high school, he would be a persistent problem like that. I should have handled that whole situation better.

The other part of my problem is that I didn’t always talk to people I was attracted to with an appropriate attitude, and I would end up in the principle’s office on a couple of occasions. I don’t even really remember where it was that I learned to be that way, I think that I just thought that I was being funny.

I find it hard to talk about high school, I do know that my idea of joking and messing with my friends, had ended up causing problems with people who I never meant to actually draw into the situation, and I wish that I had made some better choices because I know that it there were certain people who had a bad impression of me.

I think it was the summer before my tenth grade year, when so many things changed, and at the time I thought it was for the better, but like Peter Parker’s Uncle been said with great power, comes great responsibility(Amazing Fantasy 15, 1962). I didn’t know how to handle things.

It was the summer and my friends and I would hang out at Roosevelt pool all day. Most summers I would make new friends, maybe find a girlfriend or two, but this summer ended up being different. That’s when I met the girl who ended up changing my world. I won’t mention her name, but I think that she was the first girl I ever fell hard for. It also would be the summer where I would learn how to fake confidence in a way that I would carry for the rest of high school.

Here’s a fact about my health, I have bad skin. I had acne and my back would develop these bad scars called keloids. My back looks like it could have been burned, and this was the summer someone asked if I got burned. My friend who was with me told me to say yes and make up a story for it. He figured that I could lie and give myself a boost of confidence.

For those who know me, or have followed me for some time, I am a storyteller, and as an actor, I can tell a decent bullshit story, and keep it straight. With this being the first lie, I said that I had slept with a gang bangers girlfriend, and that they burned me as punishment. That lead to more and more stories, some for sympathy, others because it was becoming a game. I got mouthy to some people, and the friend who thought that my lying would give me confidence would help fuel my stories.

As my confidence grew, I became somewhat popular, it also led to other’s not liking me. This was what I wanted though, and I became friends with people in the crowd that I wanted to be around. Nothing could go wrong, right? People seem to like larger than life personalities, and I got attention. This is what I wanted, right?

I became a jerk, and I started bullying people that I shouldn’t. Lesser status people didn’t matter, as long as I was feeling somewhat more than what I had been in grade school and middle school. I hurt close friends, but it shouldn’t matter as long as I was seen as something more than I was, right?

It carried all the way through my senior year, where after we were getting prepared to move back out to California. I decided that I wanted to try and be myself, be honest. I was tired of being fake, and I wanted to be someone better than I had been in school. I think this part will be better for another blog.

Thank you for joining my journey on the flawed state of my life, and seeing where hindsight is a bit useless. Just use them as lessons and that’s the best way to use those lessons to become something better. Stay tuned as I will be writing another part to come out next week. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

Categories: LifeTags: , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: