I suppose I should start out by saying that I finally weighed myself the other day. It said that I had gained about twenty-pounds. I’m not surprised, I’ve become more self-aware that I realized that I started going the wrong way. My clothes weren’t fitting quite like they used too. However, I’m not going to let that keep me down. I know what I’ve been doing wrong, as even if the pandemic has hampered some of the things I had been doing, I do realize that I have been, and will be doing all that I can to correct my path and get on the right track.
The hard part is that I’ve let the situations in life distract me from my goals. I know that the last couple of weeks seem to be testing me, but I’ve not let it keep me down so far. I need to get that focus back, and I need to not let life hold me back. I know it’s all about how I react to the situations in life. With me finally getting off of the nightshift, I feel that I’m starting to get back on track to that motivation that I need. Crazy part is that in the beginning, the shift took a bit to get used too, but I was doing well. Even with the bum ankle that I had for the longest time I was going strong.
Then I came down with a case of food poisoning. It took me out for a week, but on the bright side, it did give me the time to fully heal my ankle. The shitty part was that it seemed to take forever to get that motivation back. This was also during the first part of the pandemic for Covid-19. I kept working though, just couldn’t seem to keep getting my motivation going. It would seem that I had all-the-time-in-the-world, but the truth is I got distracted by other things. I got involved with a situation that started to put me into a depressive fog.
The issue with that depressive fog was that I didn’t realize what it was at the time, and it really lasted for way too long. The pandemic also ended up limiting my time with my personal trainer, and again, I wasn’t as motivated to work out. These things combined; and I’m just not being as active as I could be. I could look at this as a failure and say that I feel like giving up, but that would be too easy. I’m not going to let this hold me back.
Update: Since I started writing this blog the other night, I had gone to the emergency room, thinking that I might have had a kidney stone, however after seeing the doctor, he thought that I should get my gallbladder checked out. I haven’t gotten the results back since I just went in on Monday, the twelfth. I discovered since my lowest weight, I’ve only gained a little over eighteen pounds. I know that it could have been far worse than it was. Like I said before, I could let this keep me down, however I choose to allow this to be a teacher, and I’m getting the focus back that I need to continue on to my success.
One of those things about the weight loss journey is that there are many companies that want you to think that it’s a complete slope going down hill once you lose weight. As a matter of fact, many companies tend to market off this idea, to “sell the illusion” to convince you to buy their product. People tend to gravitate to the idea, as a quick fix.
I’ve struggled with weight my whole life, and to say that I’ve never tried one of those fad diets would be a lie. I mean they do work, to some extent, but the whole concept is too keep you on “their” diet plan for as long as possible. My journey hasn’t been a straight down slope, as a matter of fact, I’ve hit a plateau for a long time. I didn’t let it keep me down, however, I do need to get that focus back. The positive is that I’m not starting over, and that I have a place of reference now, more than I ever did before.
The strange part is that I saw this coming, and I knew how it happened. The incredible part is that I’ve never been so in touch with my own awareness. For the longest time, at my heaviest. it felt like I was having an out of body experience. I felt like I was trapped in a body that wasn’t mine. Could this have ben a result of some trauma from my past? I think I might hit up one of my professional friends for some insight into this.
I think that this is part of that whole taking power back, and I know that I can do better, and will do better. I admit that I want to say that it feels like I let people down. I guess part of the transparency is the fact that we all slip and fall. The lesson is to get up and keep going. To quote the greatest storyteller of our time, Stan Lee, he would always use the word excelsior. If you look up the Latin meaning, it’s meaning is ever upward https://www.dictionary.com/browse/excelsior.
I think about the man, Stan Lee, and how his stories have impacted my life. It’s excelsior that seems to be something that’s hitting me more and more these days. I mean look at The CK Project, it’s about mental health, weight loss, improving one’s self. It’s about ever upward. It’s about pushing yourself in a forward direction.
I’m surprised that it hasn’t hit me as hard mentally as I would have expected, but then again, I think the fact that I’m staying busy keeps me from having those stupid thoughts from coming in. Don’t you hate it when your mind tells you those negative things? I have had this conversation recently with people that I care about. It sucks that we tend to self-sabotage ourselves of our potential, of our happiness.
I will say that it felt good to get a podcast the other day for The CK Project, https://open.spotify.com/show/0Zy347qxMYe8Py7W3eVIAA. We addressed World Mental Health, as it’s something that still isn’t always talked about. Plus, what ever we’ve been dealing with behind the scenes, is helping pump up my motivation, and we’re trying to set some new, reasonable goals. It’s all about finding a way for our work flow to be more effective.
Keep finding those things that make you thrive. Too much in this world seems to want to keep people down from living and being happy. Some people want to say that working and making money is living. I say that working and money is the way to survive. Being a motivational person, and a filmmaker is the way I live. For so long I let other people dictate to me what living was all about, and right now I can say that they’re wrong. You want to know the secret? Passion! That’s the thing that people should discover for themselves to survive, what they are passionate about.
I’m working on being more effective for those who follow my stuff, and I’m trying to diversify what content I do bring unto you. I know that we are making some strides in places that’s going to lead to some of the most incredible stuff that we can provide. I can’t wait to share all those plans, because next year is going to be a productive year.
As always, thanks for checking out the blog. Please like, and subscribe. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.