So, I went out for a walk on Saturday night, and it was clear out. I was surprised by how clear the sky was that night. There was a cloud that cascaded across the sky and was lit up by the moon. It reminded me of looking out across icy dark water, when I was in South Dakota. Looking at the dark, clear sky gave me a feeling that I haven’t had in a long time, peace.
I’ve tried to remain calm through all of this, and I’ve done pretty well so far. I know that I have to keep myself together for the sake of my family, especially since they have the compromised immune systems. That’s been my biggest fear is my family. I mean if it was just me, I wouldn’t be worried as much. However, because of my family, my anxiety has been a bit high.
It has been so much so that I’ve been burying myself in Animal Crossings: New Horizon, just so that I can keep from over thinking things. Yet, thinking about going to work, and the possibility has taken me to thinking about things that I don’t need to think about.
Back to the feeling of peace though, it was a welcomed feeling as these events have affected my sleeping as well. The positive here is that I’m not dealing with insomnia. That usually comes when I’m in a highly stressful situation, or if I’m dealing with my depression.
The world is in a crazy state at this time. I watched a video of someone jumping out of a window in a skyscraper, and landing hard on the ground. This is a dangerous time, not just physically, but mentally too. I think that people who deal with depression and anxiety need to be careful and mindful of their mental health at this time. This is the time that we need to be stronger than ever.
I had a guy come up to me today, and read my shirt, which stated that I was a member of the National Sarcasm Society, and he said that he had the virus and aids. Then he proceeded to cough on me. In my thoughts was that this older gentleman was kind of an asshole. Then I realized that it’s sad because he might be denying what’s happening, because it’s a real situation. I think it’s something that we do to protect our own mental sanity. He didn’t have a mask on, and honestly, might be one of those people who’ll get it. Hell, anyone of us can get it, and that’s a sobering fact.
As I keep getting away from that Saturday night sky, I really wanted to focus on that brief moment in time. As I was feeling at peace, I also had a feeling of clarity, and with that, I knew that everything was going to be alright. I couldn’t even begin to tell anybody how that feeling came about, but I knew it right then. I know that we’re going to have some hard times for a while, but we’ll get through this.
I think that the resiliency of our people are coming from some unexpected places. We’re seeing people coming together to help solve our problems. Yes, our medical staff still needs to supplies and things to take care of themselves.
I’ve heard that some of those places are being asked to take care of Coronavirus patients without protection. This is unacceptable, and the people in charge need to wake up, and realize that all that does is make the problem worse for all involved.
Note: This was last weekend, and I had a week of work between then and now.
While I have an optimistic feeling about things getting better, I’m not going to lie; work has been really long lately. The pace is different and we’re seeing people come through at different times, so it’s kind of feeling like we’ve been doing the eight week of Monday’s in a row.
I mean the situation at work has improved by the fact that we got masks to cover our mouths and noses with while working, but it just seems so long, and I’m having a hard time being motivated to get my extra projects done. I know that it will pass, it’s just a struggle, and I have to get through this.
Now is the time to check on those you know who deal with depression issues. Something like this isn’t good for those who suffer anxiety and over thinking things. I think that overall while I’ve had a few issues, I think that I’m staying fairly sane.
Part of my motivation went out the window this week because it had been raining a good majority of the week. It happened while I was on duty, and while I was off duty. I don’t have any really good rain wear so walking in the rain, just gets me soaked. I did adapt fairly well this week, that is until yesterday(Friday). I think that my tiredness might have something to do with it. Hell, it might just be an excuse, and I shouldn’t let the fact that I don’t have the space I normally would at Flawless Victory be a deterrent for working out. It’s part of that thing that keeps my mental sanity. Sam once told me that the chemical release from the workouts make for the best anti-depressant out there. I’ve discovered how true that is.
Coming back to the subject at hand though: I feel that everything will be alright, it’s just going to take time to get there. Unfortunately if you are to believe the media, there has been a rise in domestic violence since this quarantine has started. I guess that just goest to show that some people aren’t really meant to be together. Work is an escape from the family life-spouse, kids. That’s also why I think parent’s prefer to have their kids in school. It’s not that they don’t love them, it’s just sometimes people feel they need a break.
I guess that I got lucky, because while she drive me crazy at times, I like being around Sarah, I mean we spent so much time together that she’s easy to be around. Plus, I love my kids. I mean Autumn is an adult and stays with her grandparents, which is totally good, because of the fact that we’re so much alike, but I do love my kids.
Little Chris and I share the bond of superheroes and video games. Now I’m also working on educated the little ones in film. Since they both help me on movie sets. Then the fact that they were already doing online schooling makes them being home more normal.
The only thing is that the last time I was on the night shift, they were in regular school and I could get uninterrupted sleep. I find myself waking up when Chris starts to stem. That’s one of the bad things about his autism, otherwise everything else is fine. Getting woken up with just four hours of sleep isn’t fun though.
With that being said, we are living in some strange times, and this is going to test all of us. If not in faith, maybe in fortitude, and we need to be sure that we’re prepared for whatever is thrown our way. I’ll do my best to help keep trying to be that positive light that people need, and that’s why I do what I do. We’re all connected and this whole ordeal has made me realize that I want to be closer to those that I want to have in my life. I want people to actually know that I care and not be someone that just says that.
This is the director, and that’s a wrap.