I’m Not Your Door Mat

I’ve mentioned how I’ve been changing in both physically and mentally. I mean the weight loss has been obvious, and I’m navigating the new found confidence that I’ve been getting. Mentally, I’m far healthier than ever, but it’s the fact that observing the way others have treated me, is where things have gotten a bit trickier.

In the job that I do, it’s very customer service driven. I mean if you look at it, what job isn’t? Movies are the same thing. You put a story together for a specific audience, that’s why most superhero movies are rated PG-13 and more family friendly. Yes, there are exceptions, but in general, they’re geared to a family audience.

Back to the story though: the people I tend to deal with come across as both impatient and entitled. They also often times expect way more then they should, and expect us to work harder and put unnecessary tasks, that aren’t apart of our job. I was one who would get bullied for “not doing enough”, and that was were some of my depression issues manifested from.

The point that I think I should make clear is that nobody should ever be felt that they aren’t enough. Yes, there are those who we all work with that would like to do the minimum and just be there to get a pay check, but that doesn’t mean that anyone should treat you like you have less value than you do. I know at my lowest point mentally, I would allow that feeling to be validated by those people around me. When I was feeling like a burden, that kind of behavior just seemed to agree with the way I was already feeling.

That was the past though, and if anything has been shown since I started blogging, is that I won’t allow my past to define who I am. That’s something we all should need to remember that our past does not define us. Why should we let something that was a mistake be the defining factor in the definition of our lives? Everyone has a bad moment, and life should be about growth. I found that something like this is where my life needed to change.

Now getting to this point took time to develop, and lots of self-realization to get there. When I finally got to this point, I knew that I needed to change. I knew that I needed something to help me become better than I was. When I decided that I had to accept responsibility for my own actions, and that I wanted something better, growth was the only way to go.

We live in an ugly world, and the truth is that you have people who would rather put you down, and watch you lose, then see you prosper and be successful. Why is that? Why would anybody want ill-will to their fellow human? The statement, “misery loves company,” is true. People will try to bring you down to their level, just so that they can feel better about themselves. Maybe it’s just a way to stroke their ego? I have said in previous blogs that ego is the enemy to ourselves. It’s that way to self-sabotage, and I’ll even say that it leads to negativity in life.

Grow, water, nurture yourself. Maybe ego is the thing that holds you down. I know that I’ve had to deal with the complexity of low-self-esteem, and ego. I think that the ego was to overcompensation for that low-self-esteem. This has lead to so much heart ache and turmoil in some of my relationships. This was something else that fed into the negativity that I was producing in the world.

It’s just like not accepting responsibility for our own actions. I think the realization of accepting that responsibility was the first step in becoming a better person. It’s sad that I have seen this same toxic behavior in others, and watched as it’s ruined relationships and success in others. It seems to make life much harder to get through in the end.

Going back to the point of being a doormat to other people and the negativity that comes with it is this: change the way you look at yourself. I know that I have, and I know that I was in so deep with being treated a certain way, that once I started realizing that it wasn’t acceptable the way I was treated, I started to want that change. When it’s the norm, I guess we don’t realize that it’s that bad. Maybe that’s why people stay in abusive relationships? Could it be because our minds try to protect us from the traumatic horrors that can come from our lives?

I know shedding the fat like I have, feels like I got rid of layers of negativity in my life. I know that for me being fat, it was from a lifetime of negativity in my life. This comes with some odd realizations. My household had always been surrounded with a negative energy. I don’t know if it’s just now, or I don’t remember if it always been, but I think there was always that vibe in the house with my parents.  I just see it more now, as my parents have gotten older, and my mom has always had this temper about her. I just notice it more so now days that she is always yelling when something  disturbs what she’s doing. I think there might be some deeper phycological stuff to deal with there, but I don’t got the degree to analyze it.

Again, the past doesn’t define us. Whatever I had been through, and however I’ve allowed myself to be treated, the past doesn’t define me. I use that to define what I had to help make me better than I was. I use my choices to help make things better, and it helps drive me to do better. This is the director and that’s a wrap.

If you have any questions or comments that you don’t want to post on here, you’re more then welcome to e-mail me at ckproject@zohomail.com

 

 

 

Categories: Life, Weight Loss JourneyTags: , , , , , ,

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