Troubled Little Fish

Last night I finally got to sit down for a minute during my extremely busy day at work, and I learned that I had lost a long time friend in a car accident. She was one of the fist people that I had ever befriended while working at McDonalds, and wile our paths separated, we were brought back together through the miracle of social media.

In our little town, this lady didn’t have the best reputation and I’ve probably got more friends who didn’t like her, than those who did, but she was my friend. She was troubled in life, some people want to call her a drama magnet, but I saw her as somebody who wanted help, but had trouble trusting those who could help her. I know this because we talked about things that I don’t think she shared with many people.

Some of the issues she dealt with were some of the things that I could relate too. My salvation was that I had to find the help or it was going to destroy me. I don’t mean that metaphorically either. Maybe her extreme calls for help was just to get attention, I really can’t say.

It’s frustrating to know that her life was taken from someone else’s careless decision to run a red light. She’d been in a few accidents, so to hear that she was launched from the vehicle because she wasn’t wearing her seat belt was shocking. Though as I think of it, I’m not sure that I’m completely surprised by it.

Like I said, my friend was troubled. She had a history of alcohol  abuse, low self-esteem, and depression. I did what I could to help, mostly being a shoulder to cry on if she needed it, but I always wanted the best for her.

We weren’t particularly the closest of friends, and there were times she’d ask for me to do something and I had to put my foot down, but it’s because I didn’t think what was requested would do any good for either one of us.

So it puts me in a weird place as to realize that I’m troubled by her death. Death isn’t something that usually bothers me, but seeing someone that I shared a bond through depression, and metal health issues, seems to hit me at my core. I’m glad that she was able to get clean, and I think she was finally trying to make the choices that would lead her out of the vicious cycle that she would always fall into, but I can’t be sure.

All I know is that I hope that she can find the piece that she might not have found with her time here. You’ll be missed by many.

Categories: Weight Loss Journey

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