Can’t Stop This Feeling

As I head into the fourth week since my operation, things seem to finally feel different…in a better way. I’m starting to feel like I have more energy, and I have way more motivation to do things. I even find myself standing up for periods of time, even while watching television. I’m vastly looking forward to getting my four week checkup next Tuesday.

So, 2018 is the year that I get motivated(even more)to get all the projects done. While I’ve been on leave from work, I’ve gotten some stuff done(graduation stuff, job searching, etc.) and my film projects, are slowly taking off, but I’m also working on some behind the scene things. The CK Project has been the biggest thing that I’ve been working on since Nash Gray, i.e the blogs, pics on Instagram I just haven’t filmed anything really about it since my ten days out before my surgery.

Speaking of my weight loss journey, I haven’t weighted myself since, my last weigh in, however I’m starting to look thinner, my clothes are getting so much bigger that, I’ve started buying smaller clothes. I swim in my five x shirts, and I’m wondering how my work clothes are going to fit, when I go back to work in a couple of weeks. I’m looking better, and I’m feeling better, and that’s the important part of the journey.

I think the better trade off is the fact that I got motivated to do the Gastric Sleeve. Not because it’s an easier way to lose weight, that’s total bullshit. You still have to be careful with what you eat, and how you eat. The toll this process has physical and psychological ramifications to it as well. I’ve read on my Facebook sleeve support group that some people regret the surgery. Most have seemed happy with it, but there are those who do regret the process.

I had those moments, and I also understand that going through this process can leave a feeling of self loss. Look at how much food defines who we are as people. Watching Football generally has food(BBQ, snacks). Hanging out at social events generally take place as a bar or restaurants. This can have people like myself feel at a loss. Even to a point of feeling alienated. Food is a huge part of most people’s lives, and that’s very true for me.

I’m adjusting to food not being apart of my life anymore. I was in love with it forever. I loved the smell, I loved the taste, I loved the camaraderie that came from sharing a meal with friends. This isn’t something I’ve yet experienced with anyone, as I’ve not done a meal with too many friends yet, but I know that it’s coming.

The bigger question is how are things going to be when I do return to work. It’ll put me back on a schedule, and put me back into normalcy, with is the real test, because work’s the one thing that makes my week feel normal. Will the ten hour days feel easier on my body as I’m lighter? Will I be craving the in between snacks that help me get through my day? There’s things that I still have these kinds of questions for, and that’s because this is a new experience for me.

I’m going to get somethings taken care of for the day, so this is the director and that’s a wrap.

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