Why Body, Why?

I’ve been dealing with the post operation stuff for two and a half weeks now. I’ve mentioned my bouts of depression, but I feel that maybe I should expound upon my feelings a bit more. Hormones, are a big part of the issue that’s going on, or so I’ve read, let’s explore this a bit.

My body is changing(feels like a second puberty), and the way things go through my body tends to cause me to feel depression. I was told that it was my hormones changing, and from other people’s experiences this is about the time for it to happen. All with in the first month. My thoughts have been everywhere about this, since my depression as hit, and I think that it sucks.

My wife has noticed a few changes in my attitude, and the way I’ve been feeling lately, I have some regret going through this process. I’m glad that over all I’m feeling better and moving around more, but at the same time, I hate how eating makes me sad. It feels like I’m missing a part of who I am as a person.

I know that once all of this is done and I get my body used to the changes, I’ll be better for it, and that the process is going to be worth it, but at this time, I hate the way I feel when eating and drinking. Now I understand why they recommend a support group. I think that it’s great that I’ve got supportive friends, and I haven’t even began to ask those who’ve gone through the process on how they’ve felt with it, but the group on Facebook as helped to read, and ask questions on.

Since I started this process in April or May, I’ve gone from about 419 to 429.9 to the week before surgery of 400.8. Now I’m officially at 384 pounds, and I’m starting to feel good about myself, by the numbers, but I don’t feel all that different. Still, I’ve gotten so many kudos for going through this and how proud people are of me for making this decision, I’m thankful for these people, and the outpouring of support shows how much I’m loved(or at least liked). I just wish that I felt better about myself when I eat.

I started on soft food this evening, pureed turkey and pureed green bean deluxe, and it was so nice to have something more solid in my stomach. I do know that I have to be careful on how much I consume, as it could give me an issues of getting sick(like the parfait I had yesterday), but I’m being mindful, and paying much more attention to how I’m chewing, and trying to slow down how fast I eat. My stomach also tells me too slow down.

I have another appointment on January ninth, and I plan on having some better news with the way I feel, and I think that I’m going to talk about this on video for my documentary. So this is the director and that’s a wrap.

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